There are many personality disordered people out there. I have never been diagnosed with a personality disorder. Some people would probably put Aspergers on par with one, but Aspergers is a neurological disorder and if anything Aspies seek to be logical even if they are in a melt-down. I describe Aspergers as having a "glass" wall between me and other people. I even drew Budgie with a glass wall in front of her at this "snooty art" opening. That was a panel I was drawing this week. Aspergers can bring what the normal populace considers as "faults" [aloof, "over-intellectualized", too quiet and staid] I envy the neurotypicals their free ability to laugh with one another. Someone has be very close for me to laugh with them. Most of the time in a group I am busy cloaking and or trying not to stim though I may enjoy a stimulating book club conversation on occasion. Life for an Aspie is opposite in many ways of a borderline personality disordered person.
This blog mostly has dealt with narcissists but the borderlines are another matter. Some can be more toxic then others and this depends on how much they lean to the narcissistic wing. With borderlines, there can still be a conscience in there but if they have many narcissistic traits, it can be "limited". We know with narcissism there is a spectrum, I have always admitted this though my blog focuses on the malignant narcissists, this is true of borderline personality too. Some may struggle with borderline traits while some may be extremely borderline.
Since borderline personality disorder is part of the Cluster B category there can be overlap with narcissistic traits.
Lack of compassion or empathy
The overwhelmingly most commonly mentioned behavior or trait associated with all the Cluster B Personality Disorders is a lack of empathy or compassion. They seem unmoved by the effect their behavior has on their loved ones other than what is necessary to keep their loved ones engaged and around. It is as if they were tone deaf or color blind to the feelings and experiences of others.Is the histrionic the other wing? The way I informally define borderline are those who did not form a clear cut identity so they try on many others. They feel "empty" inside. They seek to use others to give them the identity they lack. In this way they are unable to truly connect with other people.
One thing I notice about borderlines is many "love bomb" you right when you first meet them, I am often wary of this. Us Aspies having been victims of bullies have to be careful of those who come up to them with a smile on the face and a mallet behind the back ready to knock us out. One way to sum up the personality disordered is they wear "masks". I am not sure why borderlines love bomb so much, but it is one thing I notice in the disorder. To be honest if I feel like someone is love-bombing me, I hold back. I know at times this maybe has made me be too aloof from truly nice people, I have to take time to warm up to someone, but it has saved me trouble with the borderlines when I have first met them.
"If someone with a Borderline Personality Disorder attempts to draw you into a relationship, there is a very simple, concrete way to know it. Pay attention to your stomach. Even though he may initially seem sweet, attentive and empathic, you will likely perceive a subtle tightening in the pit of your abdomen, like a small rock you've suddenly noticed in your shoe-barely noticeable, but there.
Listen to that rock, because it is the voice of instinct, and it's trying to tell you something. Listen to your fear and start scanning for an incoming missile. The Borderline is often a tough target to initially confirm, but close attention to his attitudes and behaviors and an emotional position of calm neutrality can help you confirm his threat-potential. And if Borderline is confirmed, get out of there before it's too late.
But if too late has happened, and you are already involved with a Borderline Controller, you have experienced far more than the pinch of a small stone in your gut. You've been engulfed in an insane, hyper-emotional ride where spewing sheets of scalding lava alternate with warm, soothing baths of emotional saccharine. Life itself will have become a series of whipsawing emotional extremes, between his clinging adoration and hateful spite. The hallmark of this pattern is that "just when things seem to be going well," and he is treating you best, he suddenly turns into a perverse version of Air Jordan and you're the ball. Slam-dunked would be a mild way of describing the receiving end of this intensely emotional pounding."
Borderline is hard to define, so let's see the definition above. My personal experiences of borderlines and some did pop up in my life, was they they run hot and cold. They either love you or hate you sometimes even within the same day. Most I noticed seemed to seek chaos. They couldn't handle quiet introspection and always had to be busy, and "running as fast as they can" just like many of the narcissists. A lot struggled with substance abuse disorders. Cutting and self injury is one thing that is known to be rife among borderline personality disorders. Often therapists dread borderlines, I have known some therapists and the patient they most fear are the sociopaths, narcissists and borderlines.
I lived with a borderline roommate for a time. She could be a very nice person but she would go into these rages. It could be something small to set her off and she would run off in a huff. She had those she idealized who turned into instant enemies. For me it was a roller coaster, she and I could be great friends some days but if I was late on a phone bill, I was her arch-enemy from the gates of hell. She invited two often-drunk Australians traveling America to live with us rent free for two months, and would have me go to the bar and tell me not to let her go home with anyone which I often failed to prevent as she pushed me away when she met her new paramour. After a few times of this, I stopped going to the clubs with her.
I find it too hard to connect to borderlines, their worlds to me are confusing spinning tops. They seem to avoid consistency like the plague. I'm the kind of personality where I need calmness and dependability. Even on the intellectual front, their constant contradictions confuse the heck out of me. They hold views that directly contradict with each other. The instability of their personalities leak out into their intellectual life where writing two contradictory statements doesn't even faze them. I don't mean borderlines any ill will, but I can't understand them nor relate to them. No friendship for me has ever lasted with a borderline. They are too chaotic. I am too Aspie. Can a Borderline Aspie even exist? I will let the psychologists answer that one. I don't know.
I and an Aspie friend have often talked about borderlines, how they seem to suck up all the attention from a room, and they do get their needs often met. We often have said they are a whirlwind of chaos and they are like the Energizer Bunny, us poor cautious staid Aspies cannot keep up nor do we want to. Some almost seem manic, that is one thing I noticed about borderlines but then they could crash into severe depressions. I never met a borderline who ever went without a boyfriend too long. Just like the narc women attracting all the milquetoast men of the world to be at their feet, I got a feeling that while young men rejected shy me, they went for the "exciting" ones.
Borderlines will always take up for Narcissists. Narcissists are empty personalities and Borderlines are fragmented ones. If you are in a room with a couple borderlines and a narc is anywhere in the area, watch out. My NM had her borderline helpers who popped up including Aunt Confused who seemed to straddle the narcissist and borderline world. Her homage to narcissists was never ending, while the rest of us were chopped liver. Many Borderlines are notorious in the counseling world for ending up in abusive relationships and probably here they are most likely to end up with sociopaths and narcissists in relationships. While ACONs in general due to their upbringing can end up in disordered relationships, with borderlines that is a dance of those who share some commonalities.
There may be some Cluster B commonality where they will identify with narcissists. They will identify with them. In fact even out in the world one will see borderlines sympathizing with the narcissists. I believe someone who is Cluster B is going to identify with other Cluster B narcissists and see the disorder in a whole other way then I or many others. Their empathy for ACONs vs the narcissists is nil.