Friday, October 14, 2016

A Relative Came Out of the Closet

I didn't talk about this before when it happened. You know stirring up trouble with saying something non-politically correct. I had some guy rip my head off for questioning the choose from the list of 50 genders article. That was before I wrote the troll article.

But my family seems to be falling in love with non-traditional lifestyles. I know about other sexual pursuits -non gender or orientation derived that I decided to not go into on the blog in case it's ever discovered. This mostly concerns badly behaved "straights".  Let's just say my life as a traditional wife seems to be a rarer one in my family. I'm of the Ozzie and Harriet ilk, well,most of them, they are something else. This over 40 years old cousin I suspect is the fourth gay member of the family.

It's ironic though, when I saw the "coming out" post of the previously married cousin. All these relatives save for one were high fiving him for it. It's strange, because I remember when my mother smeared me for being a lesbian, when I was not a lesbian but fully hetero in my case.  I wrote about this a few times. Has society changed this much in 25 years? I suppose it has. The family turned their back on me for supposedly being "gay" and overtly and directly abused me for it. I was mocked for looking butch, not being a real female [effects of PCOS] and told no man would have me,

 I don't believe people should be treated like this even if you do not agree with the lifestyle choices so it was strange to watch. How times have changed.

Before I went no contact with the entire lot, I could tell the whole family would be falling apart most likely, almost like my going no contact was a "loose thread" that got pulled. Maybe they woke up looked around and realized they had nothing in common with each other. It is one interesting facet of American society how demographics can be so different now even within one family with everything from religion, socioeconomic levels, politics and sexual orientations. Maybe the sociologists will study that one day. I once asked on an ACON message board if "family" was falling apart in a normative sense even outside of ACONs? Was DNA enough to hold people as having enough in common once you moved away from dependent children and parents?

 As the years went by and I got deeper into my no contact, I realized I left people I had absolutely nothing in common with and did not share the same values with whatsoever, and that applies to all of them.

The gung-ho Republican narcissist uncle was very upset at the coming out of the older bisexual cousin. His response on his Facebook declaration, was "So". They already were ready to come to blows over politics, the newly declared bisexual man is a classic liberal and the uncle, almost the stereotype of  Republican.

One thing about me, my family hated me for being "too old school". I don't want to say conservative because I am not a Republican and while I am a Christian, I don't fit in the normative evangelical box either. I once had both parents mock me for being 22 years old and a virgin.  Some would call me a prude and tell me I was "too uptight".Funny since I wasn't allowed to even date in high school. Narcissist parents are master at double bind messages. I'm no contact now with the cousin out of the closet anyway now. His enabling of narcissism caused that, not the bedroom choices.

14 comments:

  1. Well at least you are now not the only black sheep in your family.

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    1. He's no black sheep, he's actually one of the favorites, was one of N grandmother's favorites--he lived next door growing up and seemed like others knew earlier on.

      This would include my mother too. There's so many "alternative" lifestyle types, he is far more acceptable then I am. That sounds contradictory in a Catholic family but in mine trust me it's not.

      The break up may come with the one "Republican" family but even then this cousin was one of his favorites too before the political arguing got bad. This uncle would visit him and was a regular part of his life.

      Trust me this one doesn't have to worry about SG status over his new revelation. I can't go into detail but he is literally encircled by those into other life styles, his children have seen him as an example to emulate.

      His father who has been married three or four times is extremely "liberal" and step-mother [divorced from his father but he has contact]is an extremely "liberal" academic where this pronouncement will elevate him in their eyes and already has from what I saw before I went.

      I know it's a hard topsy turvey world to describe and that many who "come out" are abused and treated horribly. I had that abuse, just based on the lie. This is why seeing all this confused the hell out of me.

      While I may be traditional in beliefs, I do not agree with the abuse I saw in churches and elsewhere. He will be spared that, but it is enlightening to know he feels loved and accepted enough in the family to come out with such an announcement. He said as much on his "coming out" post how some family knew and still loved him anyway before he came out. I hope some can understand my feelings on this matter because I wasn't even gay, and literally had people treating me like utter scum. Its better he won't face that, and will be loved as a human being but the comparison that I was so unacceptable, really is glaring to me.

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  2. My first cousin was gay (he eventually let his diabetes get out of control and he died from it) and I considered it a non-issue. He was more like a brother to me than anything else. I knew he was already going to have more to handle from his mother than any one person should have to handle. You should have heard the tripe my mother told me after. That she suspected that he was conceived by artificial insemination. (That's a big SO?) Right there. At least my aunt had a snowballs chance in hell of knowing who sired him. My mother had my father narrowed down to a pack of wild dogs that jumped our fence and the registered voters of Dallas County. I quit listening after that one because at this point in my life I was starting to realize that if my mothers lips were moving she was either making it up as she went along or just telling a bold faced lie. Anything but the truth.

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    1. Sorry you lost your nice cousin Q, he does sound like he was a brother to you. He had a horrible mother too. Yeah at least she would know who the father was from the donor paperwork unlike your father. Yeah some lie everytime their mouths open.

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  3. I get your point. Why the acceptance of him and the rejection of you based on sexual preferences that were interchangeable. Remember you are dealing with people that meet the definition of being clinically insane on a good day. When the soup gets too thick with my mother(usually after a couple of hours of ruminating). I have default to her being insane before I burn myself out even more than I already have.

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    1. It is insane. I don't want them abusing him either no matter his sexual preferences. The rest have no places to throw stones either.

      It's crazy why the rejection of me? Yeah we have to remember these people are insane, and something like CONSISTENCY is going to be thrown out the window. One thing it's good I got away from was just all the confusion of these toxic people.

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  4. This just reminded me of another old joke. A woman calls the police and swears out a complaint about her neighbors sunbathing in the nude. So they send a car around to see whats going on and when they go to the back yard there is a large and well maintained privacy fence. So they tell the woman that it's impossible to see anyone next door and so the lady says "oh yes you can!" You just have to drag the dog house right up next to the fence and use it as a support to stand a ladder on and you can climb up to the tippy top and see EVERYTHING! I guess if there is a moral to that story it's that people will go to great lengths to take offense and you really can't stop people that are hell bent on being offended.

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    1. LOL some people WANT to be offended you got that right. It reminds me of this lady who did nude sunbathing that my family lived next door to. They had a fence you see but there was a lot of second story houses around her. LOL

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  5. You should have sold tickets to your top floor.

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  6. That's really sad. He sounds like a mentally messed up man and a covert narcs who chose to marry a narc women. He made his choice to become bisexual and came out at age 40. Wonder if narc women repelled him. I feel sorry for his children, especially those who want a heterosexual marriage.

    Your Republican uncle sounds like straight and narrow type who had an easier life. Because he did not have life experiences or disappointment in his life, he found it easier to judge and dismiss those who do not meet his "perfect" standards.

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    1. He was married to a narc woman but surrounded by some. [not his mother but others] I wonder if the narc wife repelled him too. I feel sorry for the children being affected too. The Republican uncle has had a very easy straight forward life who had a good job by 18 and lacks empathy for others.

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  7. It's really that your cousin came out at age 40 and he is mentally messed up. I wonder if narc women in his life influenced his choice to become a bisexual man and to induce his choice to consider a non-heterosexuality relationship.

    Your holier-than-thou, Republican uncle sounds like hypocrite. Was that the one who encouraged a teen-ager girl to become gender fluid or bisexual herself? I think your narc relatives are falling apart and turning against each other too.

    I'm sorry to hear that your narc parents tried to make you a lesbo. Maybe your Republican uncle had a different plan for your bisexual cousin than he did for you and certain people in your family. You might be a scapegoat while your bisexual cousin might be a golden child in his family.

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    1. I wonder if the narc women changed him too. He seemed to like girls when he was a young man and dated them. He was more artistic and liked music, I hope no one told him that art and music is not for real men or only for gays or something stupid like that.

      That could be the influence of the one uncle. Yes he has made his choice. I think society has its influences too. I don't remember seeing or hearing of his interest in this lifestyle as a teen or 20s. I think they are falling apart and turning against each other too. The narcissistic younger people aren't going to put on any pretense of "proper family values" or "togetherness".

      Yes they failed to get me into the "alternative lifestyles" trying to tell me I was too big butch, not petite enough to be a "real girl" etc etc. I remember when I told them I was engaged to be married to a man and there was outrage and "disbelief" because of my mother's lies. The bisexual cousin is a definite golden child and is one of the most popular ones. The most promiscuous ones are the ones most honored in my family. I do believe other narcs influenced this cousin to became who he is today. I don't trust coming out ceremonies 4 decades into a life. It's like someone "got bored" or something. Same like those men who decide to become women when they are old enough to be grandfathers.

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