Future Co-Written Articles to Come!

 An Update: Writing More Posts With Another Writer

Lise of the "Misadventures with Angry Alcoholics, Bullies and Narcissists" blog and I are planning more articles together. So look for these to come up. She provides very detailed articles that go in depth about the processes of narcissistic abuse and I provide the more personalized renditions. Our last shared topic and article "The Betrayal of the Scapegoats" and "Do Scapegoats Hurt Other Scapegoats...? turned out quite well and was widely read.

The next topic we plan to do is rebellion and scapegoats. I plan to go into how the processed of being scapegoated affects one's view of authority and how this can bring out different outcomes. Some questions I will be asking are "Do Scapegoats Rebel?" I will be analyzing how scapegoats deal with authority, good and bad, and going into my own history on these matters.  This will include discussions of totalitarianism, hierarchies, effects on one's career, and political outlooks. Many scapegoats are seen as rebels even unjustly and will be talking about that too. One area to explore for me personally is guilt over not rebelling enough or early enough or running away! I look forward to writing this article with Lise.

Another topic we will be covering are the pros and cons of going no contact. I told Lise, I wanted to write an article about the "dark side" of no contact but will include the positives as well. Is there a price to be paid going no contact? Is the trade-off worth it? Does the grief get better? What are some of the pit-falls or emotional mines one must traverse to go no contact? I will talk about the early years in comparison with the later years. There also has been some backlash out there against those who have gone no contact. Related to this topic will be much of the mythos about families that has changed with modern life and how does one manage a life with no family?

Still another future topic will be poverty and scapegoating. I have written about poverty issues for years on this blog, but want to go into depth. Why do so many scapegoats end up with failed careers or in poverty? How do some manage to escape poverty? [I'm poor now but even my household acquired some more stable working class years] This topic will include how narcissism improves the odds of success in American culture, and how narcissistic abuse can train one to fail and take crumbs off the floor.  Life skills and goal-setting are not taught to many of the abused. This is a topic I have lived, so I hope to help others not end up in my same troubles. Homelessness is more of a risk for scapegoated people and I'm going to discuss that too. Being poor does give one a far more "outsider" to society view of the world. 

Another topic I want to explore is "Abused and Fat, the Special Troubles of Fat Scapegoats" and talk about the experiences of those who have faced the double-whammy of obesity and scapegoating. Obesity is often worsened by stress and abuse. Narcissists also are very body-focused and use looks to abuse people. How does having a rejected body by society mesh with being a person who has been abused and rejected by their family?

 I also am interested too in discussing the topic with scapegoating and sexism. What is the difference between male and female scapegoats? Are females more likely to be scapegoated than males? How does it affect males as opposed to females?

Lise mentions other articles too, we have discussed and planned. I look forward to all her writing on these topics and our collaborations.

As you read these topics, if you have a related experience you want me to share, please write me at fivehundredpoundpeep@gmail.com or comment on this post. Thank you. 

Seeing the Patterns

 

Being a tin-hatter "crazy" conspiracy theorist, saved my life. God's warnings were the most important but every day I wake up thankful I never took any mRNA. I would no longer be here. I do question propaganda, and the news. I am not someone who trusts in this system. Anyone who has read this blog long enough knows this. The NPCs do get angry at the questioners and the thinkers. That part is hard to deal with. The evils of Covid were never exposed or dealt with and now it seems they may be gunning for another "pandemic", trying to revive monkeypox. How come this stuff always seems to happen around election time?

How Narcissistic Parents Ruin Early Success

 

If you look back many of us had a two-ton weight on our back and didn't realize it. Seeing the ascension of my old elementary school friends and others was interesting to me. Their parents loved and supported them, they weren't tripped up every second.

That's the ironic thing, narcissists will ruin your success but then berate you for being a failure! That's a game they love to play. Set their kids up for failure, stand in their way and then get mad, that they don't achieve. 

 I am glad I have achieved some goals like with the art show and finishing Fat Pat. We should warn young people especially ones coming from bad families about goal setting and fleeing those drilling a hole in your boat. There are too many young people coming out of narcissistic families given absolutely no preparation and with only endless stress that ruins their way in the world. 

A Poem: Eternal Memory

 

I wrote this poem after spending some time reading Russian literature. I'm reading "War and Peace" right now, and up to around page 800. Other recent books I read was "Dead Souls" and "Crime and Punishment. I've enjoyed it. Ancestry did narrow down my DNA to Russian ancestry and Slovakian. I knew about the great-grandmother in the Slovakian orphanage. My concerns about war come out in this poem as well. 

Eternal Memory

Learned I was Russian 

as Ancestry

narrowed down the DNA,

This in addition to

the Slovakian great-grandmother rescued 

from the orphanage by the Austrian-Hungarian captain

who could speak 5 languages.

My origins arose out of the "evil empire"

with its dark woods, wolves and samovars

full of tea.

We'd light the red candles in a row

 but my father grew up

in St. Demetrios Greek Orthodox church

with the icons we lacked.

the Russians always loved their icons

kissing them,

gold thin leaf carefully laid

 Mary and Jesus in a circled embrace

The detente of the 1980s

has ended.

There always has to be a war

Oceania always need an enemy

even with a place that looks like the Midwestern woods

with onion domes rising above it.

The rerun of the Cuban missile crisis

The man with the jigsaw puzzle piece

on his head leading to the one riding

the horse shirtless. 

We watched "The Day After"

fearing it's realities

The wall came down

but the Cold War's back.

The third Rome awaited 

and the New American Century waned

Will the wrath of Russia await the

52 daughters of the revolution

always confronting.

The very old always send the young to die.

There were peace poles in gardens

vertically exclaiming "May Peace Prevail on Earth"

years ago, pounded into soil

"War is not healthy for children and living things" posters 

hung with care

however sadly

the antiwar movement vaporized

Some of us asked what happened

as those who used to hate war in the Middle East

now call for it,

forgetting the lessons of "War and Peace"

and the futility of it all.

Some worry that the Third Seal

slouches towards New York to be born

They take the bus, they cook the casserole

taking elevators in their apartment skyrises too

and no one ever learns.

We don't want to see a sunrise at 2am

knowing its all over.

The Russian Soul with no fake smiles

produced Tolstoy who spoke of the 

sacredness of life

they had the serfs who fought for freedom

freed in 1861

ending up in the red flag chasm

Until the USSR collapsed

and that Russia professor in 2010

claimed the same fate was coming here.

The chickens coming home to roost

In the nightmare the refrain came

"Its raining [missiles]

living in point zero

That giant bell was made

In the Passion of Andrei

ringing ever clear

Eternal Memory was to be grasped

All the churches here praising war

among blood moons and pretribulation dreams

Authoritarianism reigns

Moscow Doesn't Believe in Tears

Too many Dead Souls listed for profit

If you don't go into the white light

do you become a ghost?

Oblomov was swindled

The Iconoclasts smashed the art

We wanted it back

We wanted life

and peace.

Refusing Ozempic

 

Years ago, I did a cartoon where "Budgie" or now "Fat Pat" drew a picture of the future, and everyone was thin including me, and were wearing "Fat Be Gone" modulators.  I envisioned the metabolism being speeded up via this little box. How strange. It's a nice dream but sadly not the way this world works. What do we get instead. Ozempic--Another shot, but here's the catch, when you go off it, all the weight comes back. There's side effects like gastroparesis, look it up, and nausea and other bad stuff. How come they never invent anything that actually works well. Remember the Phen-Fen debacle? My parents pushed me to go on it, but I couldn't afford it anyway. Good thing I didn't as some died of pulmonary hypertension and heart valve problems. Oh, thyroid cancer is a danger from GLP-1 drugs too. There's also risks to the eyes that are very scary.  I'm deaf, I'm still refusing Planequil for its effects on the eyes.

I am in the 490s presently, very glad to see the first number at "4". The last time I was weighed it was 491. 

Some doctors wanted me to go on Ozempic and GLP-1 Drugs. Some may not blame them. I am hugely fat. Maybe it was my mistake complaining too much and they wanted to come up with more solutions. Some of my swelling has gotten bad. I think its a mixture of my Lipedema and heart failure. I didn't have shortness of breath but every time I try to do anything, the body worsens. I was busy two days in a row including planting my garden, buying food and visiting people, and was limping. My regularity with my Lasix wasn't good enough. "Take as needed" was nebulous and I hopefully fixed the problem taking Lasix on a more regular basis. 

They are promoting Ozempic and two doctors have asked if I wanted to go on it. I said, No. They all think I am nuts because I am saying no being this fat. They know my weight situation is complex with Lipedema and more but of course want a person to lose. They tell me to exercise and all the weight loss givens, that so far have failed. Ozempic is expensive. I may be insured for it but it costs $1500 a month.

 Get this, if you go off it, you regain all the weight. Anyhow I said to doctor, "Why bother, when I go off it, then weight will come back and more..." The doctor then said, "You will have to be on it the rest of your life!" I then countered, "What if I am forced off for side effects. I gained 400lbs plus in 28 months, I'm not going to monkey around with stuff, even keeping the weight stable is hard. Anyhow lately I am losing weight." I added "It desensitizes you to leptin!" 

I noticed B vitamins and other supplements have positively affected my weight. I hope I keep losing more. One doctor did admit with all my problems, Ozempic may not work for me the same way it works for other people. 

Poem: The Fourth Turning for Generation X

 

Here's a poem I wrote a couple months ago.  As people here know, I have written about the generations for years. I will include the caveat for this too like other generation articles, not all members of a generation are bad, many are good people, so forth and so on. This points to general trends.

The Fourth Turning for Generation X

As the poles started to shift

The wolf arrived back at the door

(we never got used to its hot breath)

There's nowhere to run 

with empty pockets.

Mothers in her second home

sunning under the psalm tree

"You have nothing to show

for your life".

She told me when I hit 40

Perhaps under the Underpass one day

we can smell the burning roast beef

of our memories

VC Andrews books were traded in secret

We were reading about our betraying mothers

The crawling vines on the covers

stretched out for our wrists

Studs Lonigan died at 29

the Tenements had no mercy

Temp Slave continued

adjuncts hired

the union-busting won

and vacations vanished

retirement isn't there.

We've lost friends so young.

Dancing natives on the wall and

heavy pink ashtrays falling onto shag carpet

The lawn chairs folded in a rusty heap

The "me generation" faced

Vietnam, had apple pie and Evel Knievel

flying over those cars like gravity

stepped aside for him.

Slackers working 80 hours a week

were noticed only while sleeping.

We xeroxed zines and drew cartoons

of daily life. Factsheet Five listed them all

with Riot Grrl and Bust. 

Clerks bored stiff, we knew the world

could not be saved. Kurt said as much.

It made more sense to disengage with

Nine Inch Nails our soundtrack of anger

Our love bloomed hotter, with arms wrapped

around leather jackets.

Steinem preached empowerment via career

the bosses were more friendly then

and in the days of high heels

it fooled us. 

I took care of other people's children instead

of having my own. 

Remember when we could talk (in the record stores)

we could joke, laugh and not guard our words

like soldiers on a hill

(don't slip up)

the Prophets kept speaking

never a moment of silence

for the Nomads to talk

Bill and Ted still had adventures

at the peak of history but

then hit speed bumps of social inequity

The mushroom cloud of student debt

Service McJobs for subzero wages. 

Everyone wanted to be a rock star

Dressed in black with silver chains

The stoic faced goths, punks, grunge and metal heads

went into the kitchen to put the hair net on

and red uniform with plastic nametag

that always made our butts look too big

There were wine coolers in the fridge

and passion below the Joshua Tree

The young used to fly free and talk smack

the tyranny of the old held back

Greetings and Salutations through

a broken radio.

Gen Z seems so obedient

(why didn't they ever rebel)

We ran through fields and woods

dodging each other

They never left the basement or the screen

their pasty skin led

to grey auras popping up like mushrooms.

It was time to flee the god of this world

We were already deemed cynics

by pampered idealists.