tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post1486128485086413827..comments2024-03-24T16:53:02.846-07:00Comments on Five Hundred Pound Peep: Aspie in the Narcissist JungleFive Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-13844075925814064812017-05-01T07:21:11.738-07:002017-05-01T07:21:11.738-07:00Family Scapegoating Family Scapegoating FamilyScapegoatUKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11811256657728617830noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-34597368736539004562017-05-01T07:08:22.051-07:002017-05-01T07:08:22.051-07:00Yes suspect Nancy is/was the Family Scapegoat, is ...Yes suspect Nancy is/was the Family Scapegoat, is an indication family a herd, of enablers, apathetic, or covert high functioning narcissistic, personality disorders. Now the Family Scapegoat is removed family will dissolve and new Scapegoat will be targeted, usually most vulnerable. Julia Roberts is innately physically beautiful, charming and competent, but does not justify emotional abuse and bullying of her sister. Psychological learned behaviour of Family Scapegoating is huge problem, Jesus was perhaps Gods Scapegoat, not much has changed, when will we unlearn this learned maladaptive dysfunctional bullying behaviour?FamilyScapegoatUKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11811256657728617830noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-13357725502593417292016-01-26T12:42:23.625-08:002016-01-26T12:42:23.625-08:00Sorry you went through the same thing Cortney. Yes...Sorry you went through the same thing Cortney. Yes they feed off an Aspie's empathy. Mine got much farther on mine then maybe a NT would put up with. Mine wanted blind obedience too. I know that feeling of being constantly confused and never knowing what to expect. I'm glad my article helped. Welcome to the blog too.Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-49637514620049513372016-01-26T09:25:31.449-08:002016-01-26T09:25:31.449-08:00You have no idea how much this post has helped me....You have no idea how much this post has helped me. I had no idea there was anyone out there with a situation,so similar to mine, there are very few people who even begin to understand what went on at home. I too am the aspie daughter of a NC mother. She was an apathetic who fed off of my endless empathy and was ever threatened by my need for things to be logical, have a purpose, be carried put fairly, while she wanted my blind obedience and to control. I was endlessly confused by her growing up, and just turning 18, her toxic behaviour has finally led me to no contact.<br />It was like a sigh of relief to read your blog, knowing someone understands the jungle I've been faced with and felt very much alone in.<br />Thank you so much for this.Cortneynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-76495482496344525832015-05-12T21:24:47.434-07:002015-05-12T21:24:47.434-07:00Thank you anon. I am sorry you had a hard childhoo...Thank you anon. I am sorry you had a hard childhood but glad your mother was loving. I hope to have more peace as the years go by. God bless you and peace and love to you. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-11509166115853842772015-05-12T16:00:14.766-07:002015-05-12T16:00:14.766-07:00Wow, interesting but sad post. I'm sorry you h...Wow, interesting but sad post. I'm sorry you had to endure so much, it's amazing you've survived at all and still capable of love and emotion says a lot about what you are inside. My childhood was no picnic, however I did have a loving mother who gave me a fighting chance. I hope you have found peace as the years have passed and I wish you peace and love as you move forward with your life.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-68074516963178540252015-03-11T09:07:26.449-07:002015-03-11T09:07:26.449-07:00Thanks for your blog, I like what I see so far. I ...Thanks for your blog, I like what I see so far. I have major problems with kidney stones and use to drink cider vinegar when an attack came. Hope you can post more. :)Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-86033457117550600552015-03-09T17:29:49.592-07:002015-03-09T17:29:49.592-07:00Thank you for sharing. This deeply personal, "...Thank you for sharing. This deeply personal, "me too" support helps, I hope you know that. I like your writing so much I'm following you, and invite you to check out my blog also, think you may like it- brand new so I don't have as many posts, give me time. http://michellemasonrocks.blogspot.com/Michelle Mason Rockshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12260972215013828904noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-21279012402214894922015-01-31T16:10:43.207-08:002015-01-31T16:10:43.207-08:00Thanks libertarianinmind. I agree. When I think ba...Thanks libertarianinmind. I agree. When I think back on this stuff it is very sad. I think about even maybe the lost gifts I may have had. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-61070479694342619582015-01-31T10:32:07.338-08:002015-01-31T10:32:07.338-08:00How your mother treated you kind of defines ‘cruel...How your mother treated you kind of defines ‘cruelty.’ So sorry.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-58614639634044309812014-10-21T22:53:19.220-07:002014-10-21T22:53:19.220-07:00Thank you so much for replying. I'm sorry I d...Thank you so much for replying. I'm sorry I didn't see this before, but better late than never, right? Yes, I do have a blog now, and I also want to thank you for being one of my inspirations. Blogging is so addictive! http://otterlover58.wordpress.com/LuckyOtterhttp://otterlover58.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-29366263256364309822014-09-11T11:01:12.578-07:002014-09-11T11:01:12.578-07:00Hi Otter, thanks for your compliments regarding my...Hi Otter, thanks for your compliments regarding my blog. I hope I can have some people know and understand they are not the only ones out there, as narcissism is epidemic. They are incapable of love. <br /><br />I read a book on HSP before, there is a lot of overlap with Aspergers. The Aspergers community does have self diagnosed people in it. I had therapists who knew and doctors who later backed it up. For me finding out about Aspergers was definitely a revelation about my entire life. I hope it will do the same for you and lead you to a better place and more self understanding. I think finding out saved me from the incredible self-loathing this world can hand anyone who is different and does not conform. <br /> <br />I am sorry you ended up with a narc husband, this is very common. I hope things are good in your life now. I believe if there is an Aspie among the children in a narc family they are more likely to be selected as the scapegoat too. <br />I am sorry that two narcs are still cutting you off from your family. My NM recently worked on my brother. He listens to some of what I have told him, but the fog is thick and she is working her narc magic with all the intensity she can muster. He is only one left with his family who talks to me but I haven't seen him in years and distant cousins. She worked directly and hard on him to get him to ostracize me too and I believe went HIS way a very rare rare occurence to throw off his plans to come see me, this fall. I am sorry you have faced this same pain, it is not easy at all. I hope you can warn your son of her true nature, maybe you already have. Mine has the multiple flying monkeys who hold her up on a pedestal too who have told me the exact same. Sure your son may see through their tricks given your ex-husband and his father. I hope your daughter can avoid becoming a narcissist too. <br /><br />I read People of the Lie when I was only 18 years old. While I do not agree with Peck on everything, he probably has saved lives with that book to explain to young people while their parents hate them and did not want the best for them and sought their destruction. I applied his descriptions of the evil, to both parents by the age of 18 though I did not figure out the narcissism thing. I read the book Toxic Parents too some years later. That is ironic your father sent it, maybe he had some soul left to read it himself and investigate your mother. I agree there really are evil-soulless people in the world. The Bible warns about them. I apply everything said about the seared and wicked to the narcs I escaped in my family. There was no appeal to goodness, no working out anything, just their way, or the highway and their cold darkness. I am sorry you went through the same. If you do a blog please share the link, I can put it on my blog index. :) Thanks for saying I am doing great too. :)<br />. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-2940229030084744842014-09-10T15:29:38.654-07:002014-09-10T15:29:38.654-07:005HPP, you are providing a fantastic and invaluable...5HPP, you are providing a fantastic and invaluable service with this blog. I found your blog through another blog by the daughter of an NM, "House of Mirrors." Both your blogs are so enlightening, encouraging, and full of hope for those of us who always felt so alone in life. The posts can also be chilling but I see that as a good thing. It's a wake up call and forces us to stop denying that they really did love us. Fact is, they can't. <br /><br /> In my 50s I am finally coming to terms with being the HSP (highly sensitive person) / and or high functioning autistic (I was never officially diagnosed but fit EVERY one of the "symptoms" of Aspergers/autism) seemingly born to become the scapegoated daughter of a MN mother, then went on to marry a MN man who proved to be even more evil than my own mother! <br />My father was/is a classic Narc sympathizer or Narc co-dependent, with more than a few N traits of his own, although I don't think he was ever a fullblown MN. His current wife is also a MN (obviously he finds this type of woman attractive, go figure!). Both my mother and his current wife scapegoat and vilify me, and have cut me off in their sneaky, gaslighting ways from the rest of the family. I'm ostracized like you, the proverbial black sheep. I will receive no inheritance (I'm an undeserving loser). But no matter, since I'm essentially NC with them anyway, particularly my mother. At the moment, my mother has been using Facebook to try to turn my son into either a narc-supply replacement for me or into one of her flying monkeys (she has an extended family of flying monkeys who are all convinced I'm a horrible, useless human being who doesn't deserve a pot to piss in). Fortunately, for my son, this is not working, because he had a father like that (my ex) and can see through the bullshit and now they know it. My daughter, who lives with me, has been ostracised and vilified by that side of the family as well, although she shows disturbing signs of becoming a narcissist herself -- or maybe just borderline (she's 21). <br /><br />I'm absolutely convinced my wicked with of a mother and my ex husband are the "People of the Lie" that M. Scott Peck discusses in his famous book, which I've read about 7 times. I immediately recognized my mother in this book, and later my husband (who I'm no longer married to, thank God). Ironically, it was my narc-sympathizer father who sent me a copy of this book as a gift--and it sure did open my eyes. There really are evil, soulless people in this world and I had the great fortune to be surrounded by them my entire life. <br />I would love to go on about the details of my own sad story, but frankly right now I don't have the emotional energy to do that. I feel like I've found a place of kindred souls however. I am deeply interested in starting my own blog here. I have a week vacation coming up, and may start such a project. <br />Thank you so much for your blog. It's funny as well as disturbing and inspiring and I'm sure you're helping many others who had the misfortune to be raised by MNs or have other close familial relationships with them. <br />You sound like you're doing great and I'm sure you've heard all this before (it sounds like such a cliche I know lol) but you seem to have been made stronger by your experiences. That's not in any way to discount or downplay the horror of such an upbringing. I know all too well what it feels like and it SUCKS. <br />LuckyOtternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-20546900992035548972014-03-18T18:59:37.074-07:002014-03-18T18:59:37.074-07:00I read somewhere that Julia and team swooped in an...I read somewhere that Julia and team swooped in and took all of Nancy's belongings. They now remain in the family's custody, the same family who cut her off during the last year of her life, most likely the estrangement was going on for much longer than that. How's that for irony? Julia probably wanted Nancy's belongings, stuff like journals, pics, to protect her public image. In fact, I read on Radar that there were videos made by Nancy opening wide the flood gates, but Julia's camp shut it down b/c the family are the sole owners of Nancy's videos, not her fiancé. This is so classic N behavior. They are still silencing her in death as in life. In life, she seemed loyal to her family. It was only in the last few months, when she realized there was no going back to this family, that she ranted on twitter. She was unraveling. In all those years, not a negative word to the press. <br /><br />I'm sorry for all that you have gone through with your family too. You didn't deserve it. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-50103563414988805262014-03-18T12:44:48.090-07:002014-03-18T12:44:48.090-07:00I am glad she fought back, are those tweets still ...I am glad she fought back, are those tweets still online?, it does sound like she was very loyal to people who did not care about her for as long as she could be. I kept wondering why did they keep her mother away from her? Well that is how narcs operate. They will form barriers between other people and will do what they can to do destroy relationships. Maybe even because the mother is ill, they are waiting like sharks for the probate. Hey Julia R may have millions but types like that wouldn't want 2 dollars to go to a scapegoat. <br /><br />I get people like this who have the pain of no voice and feeling cast aside, something common to all scapegoats. Sadly many despair and even in the act of suicide think they will finally be heard. The family rejection sets one up for severe depression. I have faced that. My brother cared about me but my mother outside of cousins managed to destroy every relationship and have others view me as "scum", my suffering among the upper middle class probably was nothing compared to the well-heeled multi-millionaires and "famous" types doing it. I think it is a silent epidemic too, the secret pain of millions where many of them do not even know what is wrong.<br /><br />I hate seeing how she was treated and maligned in death too. I am actually writing a will or seeking provisions for myself so I am not maligned in death, this includes even refusal of being buried in the family Catholic cemetery. When I read about Tiffany's narc relatives rifling through her papers I thought that never would be me, and had a vision of my narc mother and sister burning my paintings, cartoons and papers. Oh no way!!!!<br /><br />And what is this about the family skipping the public funeral, to me that seems to be a big red flag...:/<br /><br /><br />http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2580310/Julia-Roberts-skipped-public-memorial-hold-private-family-service-tragic-sister-Nancy-Motes.html<br /><br /><br />You know I wonder if the gastric bypass and weight loss actually helped lead to Nancy's suicide, such as her thinking that if she became thin that she would be loved and when the love didn't come, she couldn't take it. I know in my head I struggle thinking well if I was thin and rich, my narc family members would love me, but I know they would not due to the nature of the disorder. <br /><br />I feel very sad about so many people ending up like this. These narcs do so much damage. I agree about Nancy seeing her value through Jesus Christ. To be frank, it is Jesus Christ my Savior who helped me lead me out to freedom and my prayers to God to show me what was wrong. I am still alive, because of Him. I believe because of the severity of my health problems, physical and emotional pain, I could of very well ended up in Tiffany or Nancy's shoes given the same circumstances. In my case I sought God love but love via friendship, knowing the family outside of a single individual or two would be an empty well. People do not know how much pain is included with that early early family rejection, where your own kinfolk consider you unworthy, abuse you and tell you that you are "nobody", people need to feel like somebody. God sees all this different and many are getting their rewards now on this earth. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-69347576931727908992014-03-18T12:43:50.506-07:002014-03-18T12:43:50.506-07:00Hi Anon, thanks regarding my article about Tiffany...Hi Anon, thanks regarding my article about Tiffany Sedaris. I wonder how many people this happens to. <br /><br />I agree about them having multiple-talented people in their family. I actually did hear about the Nancy Motes case, and had a friend of mine show me the article and we discussed whether or not she was the scapegoat.<br /><br />We even said to each other we thought it had overlaps with the Tiffany case, scapegoat in a narcissistic family with successful types who push the scapegoat aside. Sadly in the court of public opinion the narcissists usually do better. They are already powerful, wealthy and looked up too, so they find what they can shovel on the scapegoats. I find it sad to Nancy had to suffer from being overweight too and obviously she felt rejected by Julia Roberts because she was overweight<br /><br />http://calvinblanco.com/julia-roberts-nancy-motes-bully-weight-fat-obese-step-sister/<br /><br />I was rejected the same way for being overweight even kept away from my sister's kids. With today's discovery regarding the rare fat disorder lipedema, I still plan to be NC, but there is going to be something put in writing. <br /><br />I have lived out how this works. Nancy was in the high 200s from what I can tell maybe 300 at the peak, and you just have to know how she was treated if you have experienced. I would see the smiling pictures of my mother next to the "thin" relatives, my pictures removed from walls and more. <br /><br />so yes I see her as the scapegoat too. Definitely. <br />continuing....<br /><br />Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-35058380548534330912014-03-18T11:53:26.898-07:002014-03-18T11:53:26.898-07:00In response to "Anon" 3-17-14:
"......In response to "Anon" 3-17-14:<br />"...This happens everyday to family scapegoats/ACONS. It is a silent epidemic."<br />Ab-so-tively. Once the "Mirror" becomes the Truth Teller, the Mirror is proactively and reactively "broken." Proactively because from their earliest memories/experiences, Scapegoats are perceived-and de facto treated-as a threat and singled out within the family as the Sherpa of all the "Family Problems." Cause and effect are reversed in a classic CB (Cluster B) Parental Agenda/Maneuver.<br />CB "parents" get every.last.thing reversed: As Children, we are *expected* to be the Adults in too many ways to enumerate. Look at Peep's comment in her post re: her "mother's" statement: "She is so strange. I don't understand her." One of your primary responsibilities as a parent is to endeavor to understand your child, not have your child hand you a roadmap to understand their world. This reversal of roles (ex: Parentification) is common in my observation across the AC world. As Adults, we are then treated/viewed as (incompetent) Children: Every decision is criticized, every attempt at Individuation is undermined if not manifestly sabotaged. Reference Peep's comment above, "Why did that college change you?" Growing up, I also felt compelled to jump between two disparate worlds: "NOW be a *child* (because that's what my CB "mother" required at the moment), NOW be an *adult*" (again, her needs superseded any consideration of me as a child, not a mini-adult/"mini-MEEEE!") <br />IMO, if Peep had been a neurotypical, endrocrine "normal," she *still* would have been Scapegoated for simply being *who* she was. There's not a CB Family that doesn't engage in these dynamics of Triangulation, FOG, Boundary Transgressions, Scapegoating etc. in their Power and Control Paradigm.<br />In this respect, the CB Parent's treatment of their kids is *not* personal-it would not have mattered who we were, what kind of kid we were, the CB Parent consistently engages in Projection and wiping their own shit off on us, the unwitting and powerless "receptacles" of their crazy. They impose their conceptual Identity of who we are on us, which has nothing to do with our true Identity at all-again, they don't have a clue who we are. OTOH, their treatment (abuse, neglect etc.) is INTENSELY personal, targeted and intentional. The CB "parent" is well aware of our vulnerabilities, our naievity, our abject powerlessness and customize their abuse/neglect accordingly. They engage in Soul Murder-I'm using that term in the secular, not the sacred sense of the word. They force us to "bend over for it," to collude in the CB's Paradigm that we are somehow fatally flawed and forced to violate our own morals, values, ethics, our own REALITY. No small transgression there: I'm suggesting it is this kind of damage that leaves the longest Legacy, that is the impetus behind the suicides, the depression/anxiety etc.<br />We are born hard-wired to bond with our Primary Caretakers-that's just science. When that bond fails, we immediately look to ourselves-as we always have-to attempt to ameliorate "what ails" as our Default Setting is, "I'm the problem, it's me that's wrong, messed-up" etc. When the Adult commits suicide, the CB can then point to their self-inflicted death as confirmation that "kid" was *always* defective somehow. Essentially, the CB "parent" engages in a form of homicide by proxy, garners (once AGAIN!) all the sympathy, all the attention and good-will rendered to Parents whose children predecease them, all the while wailing they "don't know WHY!" their child would do this-to *THEM.*<br />It's sick, twisted and breath-takingly diabolical. That any of us have survived is a testament to the sheer tenacity of our spirits, the same spirit they endeavored assiduously to destroy throughout our lives.<br />TW<br /> Tundra Womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12262066568878267648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-32371103409021838862014-03-17T21:23:29.708-07:002014-03-17T21:23:29.708-07:00Hi Peep - i thought the post you did on Tiffany Se...Hi Peep - i thought the post you did on Tiffany Sedaris (sp?) was thought-provoking, and went on to read David's story too. I remember watching Amy's Comefy Central show - Strangers With Candy - back in the '90's. Very talented family; they remind me of J.D. Salinger's Glass family - Franny, Zoey, Seymour.<br /><br />Julia Roberts' half-sister, Nany Motes, committed suicide in February after falling into a deep depression. After reading a bunch of articles on Nancy and her strained relationship with her famous sister and family, I began to see Nancy as a fellow ACON. My stomach was in knots reading what she had been going through; I felt her pain and saw how in death, just as in life, no one got her. Most comments to articles online are writing Nancy was jealous and bitter at Julia's success; that she was a drug addict and unstable. But Nancy'd life had context and a back story as most ACONS do.<br /><br />Nancy Motes used to weigh 300 lbs. She said Julia and her family made her feel badly for piling on the weight. In 2010, she lost over 100 ibs via gastric bypass surgery.<br /><br />I believe Nancy Motes was her family's scapegoat, if even on a subconscious level. Their origins were dysfunctional like most people's, especially ACONS. From my research, Namcy seemed like a real person, who was authentic, sensitive, loyal, and the family's truth teller. She mirrored back to the family their dysfunction and hypocracy. Nancy began to fight back in the end, and began tweeting about America's Sweetheart. She was telling the truth as scapegoats are compelled to do. The difference is that Nancy Motes doesn't have a PR firm or an real life Oliva Pope to make ugly problems disappear as Julia can. Nancy never had a chance. She had one family member left, and that was her mother, and she was being kept away or at best, on a short leash. <br /><br />I totally get Nancy, and feel her pain of having no voice and feeling completely void of your own power. I think she thought her suicide, along with her long final letter, would have changed the minds of many people - would get them to finally empathize with her pain, an enormous burden she carried for years. Nancy wanted them to see her. <br /><br />From everything I've read, she seemed very loyal to Julia and her family. I never heard in all these years, a story come out by Nancy attacking Julia. You can just tell by reading about her that she was an authentic, real person, who in the end, lost her will to live. <br /><br />I encourage you and your readers to Google Nancy, and connect the dots. I think her famous family distanced themselves because they couldn't control her. In short, Nancy Motes was the family's mirror, the truth teller, and therefore became a potential threat to the paranoid narcissist. So when her mother, whom Nancy took care of for many years, began suddenly becoming less and less available, she couldn't handle that final family rejection, throwing her in suicidal despair. This happens everyday to family scapegoats/ACONS. It's a silent epedemic. The irony is she was treated in death as she was in life - misunderstood and maligned by the masses. <br /><br />If Nancy could have seen her value through the eyes of our loving savior, Jesus Christ, how He is always working every difficult circumstance for our good. That He gives rest to the weary, including ACONS and scapegoats. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-29976001012137679872014-03-16T20:37:04.477-07:002014-03-16T20:37:04.477-07:00Thanks q, yeah it was a double whammy, triple with...Thanks q, yeah it was a double whammy, triple with the later health problems that came. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-42551551725897134712014-03-16T17:56:11.672-07:002014-03-16T17:56:11.672-07:00Talk about a double whammy. You have a person who ...Talk about a double whammy. You have a person who was born with a preprogrammed and skewed view of the world tossed into a cage with parents that are crazy by anybodies standards. I don't see how a person could make it through. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-63085529387806004082014-03-16T07:18:38.635-07:002014-03-16T07:18:38.635-07:00Nope they have no clue what normal is. I think min...Nope they have no clue what normal is. I think mine got it from the TV and women's magazines and tried to plan it accordingly. We are strangers to them too. Basically invisible. Just there as props and if the prop isn't what they want, you get shoved to the side of the room. Mine tried to mold me too and make me into a cipher and destroy who I was but failed. You are right they never find out who we were, and never were interested in finding out. Mine hated anything that was "special" about me, the woman even found a way to diss my adult stamp collection. <br /><br />I am glad you went NC not knowing what it was, or the advice out there and kept it. I have known a few friends with mothers like this, but no one else shared my experiences, the amount of love or even having a personal relationship with a mother, I ached for that. I am glad you had a happy marriage and sorry you lost your husband to death.<br /><br />I am not surprised yours played martyr upon leaving. I am sure she played that up for years. Mine is trying to have her revenge erasing me, or well, let's say, she really was/is that sociopathic not to care whatsoever. She never cared about me, not even when I was severely ill. <br /><br />I agree with the toy metaphor. I am glad you got out and away and experienced love.<br />Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-89918054079817281732014-03-15T20:38:16.775-07:002014-03-15T20:38:16.775-07:00I don't think NPs have a CLUE what "norma...I don't think NPs have a CLUE what "normal" IS, never mind who their kids ARE. From my earliest memories/experiences, I was *told* by my NM what I thought, what I felt and who I was.<br />Reality: NM never had the slightest idea of who I was and never was interested in finding out.<br />It took me a few decades to finally realize what ailed and it wasn't me. I NC'd her decades ago, long before computers, the internet, the self-help industry and didn't know anyone who had a "mother" like mine, never mind walked away completely and quietly closed that door-forever. NC and marrying my late DH were the two most life-affirming decisions I've ever made. I've made a ton of blunders throughout my life, but these two decisions I've never regretted.<br />And NM never stopped throwing a decades-long tantrum over my decision to terminate the relationship. (What "relationship?!") She "didn't understand WHY" her daughter "did THIS to HER!" She suffered-do you her me?!-SUFFERED!! (insert over-the-top theatrics)-and wrapped herself in the shroud of Perpetual Victimhood which eventually became her Death Shroud.<br />All because lil' ol' me, the doll she periodically picked up and played with momentarily, snapped the head or legs off and then threw in a corner, bored or annoyed with the toy, no longer amused her by it's failure to produce the desired mirror in her "Let's Pretend" childish fantasies.<br /> <br />I shudder to think of how my life would have evolved if not for those two profoundly life-altering decisions.<br />TWTundra Womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12262066568878267648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-18509259842156043272014-03-15T17:59:46.825-07:002014-03-15T17:59:46.825-07:00Thanks Susanna. I have heard that too about narcs ...Thanks Susanna. I have heard that too about narcs that they do hate anything that is not "normal". It has to do with maintaining the perfect appearance. A child who does not fit the norm then is rejected. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-43175945401410827662014-03-15T17:04:15.573-07:002014-03-15T17:04:15.573-07:00In my experience narcissists tend to intensely dis...In my experience narcissists tend to intensely dislike anyone who is not their version of "normal." This includes people with Aspergers. SusannaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-54738499841466545842014-03-15T17:01:14.322-07:002014-03-15T17:01:14.322-07:00Excellent post! SusannaExcellent post! SusannaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com