tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post1569992684643169269..comments2024-03-24T16:53:02.846-07:00Comments on Five Hundred Pound Peep: In Defense of Tiffany Sedaris: David Sedaris's sisterFive Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comBlogger198125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-71817569918397754492024-02-08T15:35:46.659-08:002024-02-08T15:35:46.659-08:00I read DS article after her sister’s suicide and w...I read DS article after her sister’s suicide and was surprised how cold it wasAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-2698395176288629052023-11-27T21:10:21.711-08:002023-11-27T21:10:21.711-08:00Thanks for your comments. I am glad people are sti...Thanks for your comments. I am glad people are still reading this article 10 years later! Wow Sedaris is becoming more conservative, he was pretty liberal before, well I hope if he is willing to examine his politics this extends to the family relationships and other things, maybe he should rethink Tiffany's story.<br /><br />Weaponized sarcasm sucks. It would be horrible to be in the war of wits with a bunch of narcissists trying to outdo each other. My family wasn't intellectual enough to do the sarcasm thing, their insults were more direct, but to be around a shading, cutting with words family would be horrible. I've seen those kind of personalities, everything is a joke or a point for them to attack. Yeah all the "cruel to be kind" BS. It would be exhausting. That definitely fit's the Sedaris family as described in his books. I read the sister who wrote the joke crafting book and saw the same disdainful attitudes. I agree it's not how healthy people communicate. I had to learn the hard way in my youth to avoid the "sarcastic" types. They don't bring good things out of people. Its true narcissists in general see kindness as weakness, the psychopaths and sociopaths definitely would be the most extreme on this, and hate anything that isn't dark nihilism. Hey I'm the goth, but I've been around those where it's like they want to spit on my flower painting or something you know what I mean?<br />I would think a lot of these folks do end up alone. All that sarcasm feels different to the young hipsters like a battle of the "dozens' or something, then when people get older and want friends they can trust, who don't dish out constant put downs. There's no connection there just competition. Hey I realized I didn't have a real family because it was just a competition club.<br /><br />I wish Sedaris wouldn't identify with the abusers but question them too. Maybe this wasn't the best way to live life? Maybe life would have been better with more kindness in it. It does seem like his process of writing, would help him understand more, that hey maybe Tiffany wasn't treated right, that his family was abusive, and did wrong by her. I agree, stop defending the dysfunction.<br /><br />I'm glad you have deprogrammed yourself via hard work to leave your parent's world view, and how they trained you to see other people. Sadly many of us have to unlearn how we were taught to treat other people. There's things I still feel like I struggle with, and get wrong, because I was around people with absolutely no empathy. I have to ask and remind myself constantly what is this person thinking of this, how is it affecting them? Kindness can be hard, because for some ACONS that gets wrapped up into the "love bombing" thing. I know I ponder my own issues with attachment and loss, too. I hope Sedaris can maybe see things through the eyes of his sister Tiffany one day.Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-43046713039597037512023-11-25T15:29:19.243-08:002023-11-25T15:29:19.243-08:00Found your blog after reading an article about Dav...Found your blog after reading an article about David Sedaris’ latest work. He seems to have become more conservative w/time, and more bitter in his writings. Thank you for your post, even years later. Your observations really hit home. My family also weaponized sarcasm against each other, cruelty seemed to be a test of how hardy you were. Our motto seemed to be, “attack first” and “find someone’s weakness and hold it in your back pocket until it’s useful.” It took me years to realize this is not how healthy people communicate, and to stop seeing kindness as weakness, optimism as delusion (not toxic positivity, but the basic hope that better is possible and assuming kindness until legitimately proven otherwise). While caustic comments can be funny, it also repels people-who wants to be casually ripped apart? It destroys all trust. It makes for bitter, hurtful people who are baffled by their loneliness. <br />Add dominant hereditary severe mental illness and violence into the mix, and it can take a lifetime to deprogram yourself.<br /><br />I hope Sedaris considers his life, childhood ,through another lens. Can understand how reframing family dysfunction could make someone feel more in control, less affected by it, less “weak.” But he no longer has to buy into the myths, habits of his family. Profiting from writing about family dynamics doesn’t negate the damage done. It can be cathartic, healthy, to find dark humor from f’d up situations. But shouldn’t it be from the angle that you see how fucked up it was rather than siding with the abuser(s) or defending the dysfunction? <br /><br />My parents reinforced the opinion that others were ridiculous, contemptible, too stupid to understand our humor , intelligence, or worldview. We learned how to devalue others in order to justify demeaning them. This did not mean we children escaped the punitive judgement, it just taught us to apply this template to other relationships to disguise our insecurity and gain some control over our feelings of worthlessness. It’s taken years of therapy, medication, and personal disappointments to try to deprogram myself. I must still make deliberate effort to overcome intense indoctrination of my childhood. My mirror of the world is warped and though I cannot totally change it I am now aware of it and can try to mitigate it. <br /><br />Kindness, empathy, and love may not garner fame or fortune, but are infinitely more enriching. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-34122084943629904532022-09-14T08:50:09.368-07:002022-09-14T08:50:09.368-07:00I hope he studies NPD and ACON issues, and sees re...I hope he studies NPD and ACON issues, and sees really what happened to his sister. I wrote about him showing a glimmer of recognition but would like to see this go further. If he truly wants to take humor to it's depths strip it all down don't hold to the "myths" of family, realize how damaging it was to his sister. American culture is inherently narcissistic. He is intellectual and his writing beyond content I disagree with is good. I would like to see him go deeper into things. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-34863851880114385332022-09-14T07:29:04.911-07:002022-09-14T07:29:04.911-07:00@Five Hundred Pound Peep You say you’ve read his w...@Five Hundred Pound Peep You say you’ve read his work. Have you heard him read it? His tone while reading his own work illuminates and clarifies the meaning. He’s no crueler to his family than he is to himself. It’s an f’d up crew for sure. He was dealt the hand of that family just as they all were. His writing and humour is satirical and incisive. It shines a light on the human condition as he knows it. His work is a scathing commentary on American culture as it has evolved. I don’t think he is unkind as much as he holds people (especially his own) under the harsh light of reality. It’s painful. It’s honest. It’s not always kind. It’s almost never pretty. It’s always funny. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-70347890529315691222022-06-04T03:54:50.724-07:002022-06-04T03:54:50.724-07:00BPD is possible though in 90s and 2000s could be o...BPD is possible though in 90s and 2000s could be overused, and trauma or CPTSD [from abuse] was ignored. I never confronted that diagnosis but know some who have. You are right it usually was "difficult women". The man can write, won't say he can't but I hope with age and distance, he re-examines his family and life. I'll have to look up his new book, thanks for telling me about it. My library book club read one of his books a few years ago and all agreed he was "mean" [others were tagged as meaner] and Tiffany came up in this conversation. They all said there was strain of cruelty in the family. I think about things with ableism and more too. I certainly confronted that in my own family. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-32227477529550328302022-06-04T03:49:17.164-07:002022-06-04T03:49:17.164-07:00LOL I can see that being very possible too. LOL I can see that being very possible too. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-40009336377773557902022-05-31T15:17:52.539-07:002022-05-31T15:17:52.539-07:00I’m pretty sure you are battling members of the Se...I’m pretty sure you are battling members of the Sedaris family in the comments lolAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-15110780871535243712022-05-31T13:20:16.589-07:002022-05-31T13:20:16.589-07:00I found your blog searching on Tiffany Sedaris. I ...I found your blog searching on Tiffany Sedaris. I was thinking from David's description that she might have had Borderline Personality Disorder. I am aware that this diagnosis was very popular in the 90's and early 2000's and usually applied to "difficult" women. I wondered if the term had ever been applied to Tiffany.<br />I love me some David Sedaris, but your post has given me something to think about. It is interesting to me that most of his apologists have chosen to remain anonymous. I appreciate your thoughtful responses to people who are trying to antagonize you.<br />David Sedaris is on another book tour right now, and talking about Tiffany and other family members. You will no doubt get more exposure again.hbfjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02893665824416258860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-70964829110688175752021-07-21T15:58:13.423-07:002021-07-21T15:58:13.423-07:00Very interesting comments. I didn’t think the arti...Very interesting comments. I didn’t think the article was harsh at all. I thought it was painfully honest and could feel the author’s suffering. When a loved one dies by suicide, there are many questions that come up for the survivors. They should be free to grieve as they wish and David was brave enough to grieve publicly. Who are we to judge his experience?<br />As for helping Tiffany, as someone pointed out, we have no idea if they had helped her previously or not. Too much help can keep a person stuck (enabling) and never taking responsibility for themselves. It can be emotionally exhausting helping your loved one over and over and not seeing them make progress. At some point, for the benefit of both parties, you have to step back. Having grown up in a large dysfunctional family, I knew it was my responsibility as an adult to get help to heal and not repeat the cycle. This has allowed me to love my family despite their flaws. I don’t see David as a narcissist, just someone who questioned why his sister couldn’t come to terms with their trials while growing up in order to feel loved as a member of their family. Healthy Adulthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09214697418697162660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-44527232042321828212021-01-13T05:05:58.435-08:002021-01-13T05:05:58.435-08:00He may or may not. I mean celebrities are "ju...He may or may not. I mean celebrities are "just like us"! according to US magazine. He did seem to express some regrets but than the same overall attitudes remained. <br /><br />https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/pictures/stars-theyre-just-like-us-20131610/Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-83888657162083340802021-01-10T13:53:49.318-08:002021-01-10T13:53:49.318-08:00Why in the world would DS give 2 shits about this ...Why in the world would DS give 2 shits about this silly little blog post? Hahahaha!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-27851124436944643322021-01-01T09:55:39.817-08:002021-01-01T09:55:39.817-08:00LOL I wondered if some have been posted by him. Ma...LOL I wondered if some have been posted by him. Maybe other family members? One thing about toxic families, certain types never apologize or say "we were wrong" or "we could have treated her better" or "done right by her or him".Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-51254554359934293392020-12-31T14:32:10.163-08:002020-12-31T14:32:10.163-08:00How many of these comments are left by David Sedar...How many of these comments are left by David Sedaris himself?? This comment section is unlike anything I've seen just out in the wild like this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-64701910625045916102020-12-11T19:18:58.888-08:002020-12-11T19:18:58.888-08:00Thanks Unknown. I don't know why I get so many...Thanks Unknown. I don't know why I get so many MAGAs they are everywhere it seems. LOLFive Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-31793362281087261502020-12-07T21:34:19.011-08:002020-12-07T21:34:19.011-08:00Your post was great. The utterly NEANDERTHAL respo...Your post was great. The utterly NEANDERTHAL responses read like Whitebarf comment sections. Wonder how all those MAGAtrash dRUMPfanzee shitweasels even found you--do they spend their lives trolling online? Don't answer that! LOL!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10274397623276377965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-63993643906246722322020-11-02T20:27:54.059-08:002020-11-02T20:27:54.059-08:00Yeah some people at a book club I was at for a lat...Yeah some people at a book club I was at for a later book talked about how mean-spirited he was. That's the norm for narcissistic families where the mean ones are rewarded for the behavior. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-15634817158988152312020-11-02T13:27:18.067-08:002020-11-02T13:27:18.067-08:00Journalism is not personal, it's objective. (G...Journalism is not personal, it's objective. (Good journalism, anyway.) Technical writing is not personal, it's audience-focused. "All writing" is not personal and narcissistic. What a twit YOU must be.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-56775480732551018752020-11-02T13:04:25.824-08:002020-11-02T13:04:25.824-08:00David makes me glad I'm an only child. I don&...David makes me glad I'm an only child. I don't find his "humor" funny and I couldn't imagine having such a spiteful, nasty, catty psychopathic jerk as a brother. Yeah, "and then there were five". He'd be dead and I'd be in prison. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-89664611866775167152020-08-27T18:53:27.591-07:002020-08-27T18:53:27.591-07:00Anon I saw your comment but couldn't post it f...Anon I saw your comment but couldn't post it for legal concerns. Thanks for posting though.Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-45998767056202807642020-08-18T19:56:45.178-07:002020-08-18T19:56:45.178-07:00Yeah this administration has brought forth, the wh...Yeah this administration has brought forth, the whole every one for themselves selfishness and narcissism as I wrote in that recent article. If one is born into a life where your own family DGAFF.....then that is a hard row to hoe. I think if Tiffany just had one ally in the family--I question everyday why I didn't get one of those, or some care or help, it could have changed the entire trajectory of her life. I agree. I also do get disgusted feelings about those who breed so much, that they have extra children they can just "throw away" into the trash can.Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-9805768895202371372020-08-18T19:42:38.822-07:002020-08-18T19:42:38.822-07:00I am glad you care about your younger siblings. I ...I am glad you care about your younger siblings. I wish I had a sibling who cared or even wanted to look out for me. It occurred to me later during extreme poverty days, I had siblings who could have helped they didn't. The older one never protected me or helped, and the younger one, was a replication of my mother. I suppose this is what family is supposed to be. Guess I never had a taste of it. The Sedaris family was obviously taught all competition----squash each other. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-31625387550899343412020-08-18T15:48:20.595-07:002020-08-18T15:48:20.595-07:00Well put article and I felt the same way after rea...Well put article and I felt the same way after reading DS’s essay. As an older brother to two, it’s definitely my job to look out and care for them. From these comments, looks like we have a lot of shitty, selfish siblings who don’t seem to grasp the concept of family. Good luck with that.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16709983405550603742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-51107944796787279392020-08-17T10:43:25.081-07:002020-08-17T10:43:25.081-07:00people are meaner and this administration is all f...people are meaner and this administration is all for "you are on your own" and " we DGAFF about you (personal responsibility) has taken on a whole new meaning i dont like this if someone had just reached Tiffany and provided what she needed when she was younger she could have a whole different like and may be alive now ( we had other kids and could not worry about you) is NOT Parenting what a shame amyoconnorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01895778772598955724noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-70384631317483523082020-08-16T11:05:13.473-07:002020-08-16T11:05:13.473-07:00All writing is narcissistic? Just to share one'...All writing is narcissistic? Just to share one's personal views? That's a strange premise.<br /><br />Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com