tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post2777185872891696107..comments2024-03-24T16:53:02.846-07:00Comments on Five Hundred Pound Peep: Escaping Flying Monkeys and Finding "Found Families"Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-26596826196721872112015-08-21T13:13:35.766-07:002015-08-21T13:13:35.766-07:00Well, I'm almost two-year's NC with my ent...Well, I'm almost two-year's NC with my entire toxic family and I feel Grrrrrrrreat (as Tony the Tiger would say)! Life is good. For the very first time in my life, I am growing into myself. I just realized I like to sing - after joining the church choir in my new town. Believe it or not, guys, I used to have really bad acid-reflux disease and just assumed it was from stress at work. Well, guess what? It wasn't; it was actually from being around my toxic family. Now it makes sense to me why I seemed to have it the worse during family functions. I can't believe I didn't realize this until I went NC. Now, food tastes great, and I look forward to every meal without any digesive problems. But here's the good news: When I first went NC with the cult, I was filled with anxiety and dread - "On whom will I depend in times of trouble?" Well, those days DID come, and God always sent someone out to help me. But the good news is that I have finally changed my internal dialogue to, "What will tomorrow bring? I'm so excited, and I can't wait to find out!" And guess what? Tomorrow DOES bring something interesting - like a greeting card or CD in the mail from someone in my new circle, an invitation to a birthday party, a thank-you gift from a neighbor that I did a favor for, a quarter on the ground while walking my dogs - and the list goes on and on. In the words of Martin Luther King, Jr., Free at last, free at last, free at last - thank God almighty, we are free at last!"NarcFreehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00972538774928001325noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-86894058047915583522014-08-15T11:37:28.819-07:002014-08-15T11:37:28.819-07:00I am glad you are seeing the light with your broth...I am glad you are seeing the light with your brother Joan S. Mine is okay with some things, but I still have to contend with his narc training at times. I know he was influenced personality wise, though he means well and loves his children in his case so these are some things I have to contend with. If your brother was being terrible to you I hope you can stand up to him. I am realizing even with the NICE ones. I have to be careful. I am going to write about that more in an article today. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-33936828734641356612014-08-11T17:10:06.917-07:002014-08-11T17:10:06.917-07:00Update.
My brother is abusive. I'm seeing th...Update.<br /><br />My brother is abusive. I'm seeing things more clearly now, and during that phone conversation he was cruel and abusive, and even gaslighting. I seemed to have altered the conversation in my mind but yeah he was being an ass. Sorry I'm so new to this I just can't stand it at times. The truth is so unbearable.<br /><br />My husband does not understand this. We go to his parents, and we get together with his family for holidays, and its really wonderful. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18166248999404159433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-68142916681751981822014-07-29T09:21:44.818-07:002014-07-29T09:21:44.818-07:00I wish too. I am hoping he is waken up more. I thi...I wish too. I am hoping he is waken up more. I think he wants to stay in the cave, it is easier to believe they "really care" and that is where he is at. I am glad you are coping the best you can. I think for me the combination of the Aspergers with all the family ostracization was a bad stew. I feel like I live in an upside world too. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-40964965735410574122014-07-28T18:38:27.716-07:002014-07-28T18:38:27.716-07:00Aw, Q I just love that. Its freedom for sure. I ...Aw, Q I just love that. Its freedom for sure. I twirl my hair, and you know what, I'm not judged for it. Such a liberating thing. If my mother was here with me right now, and just for an hour say, she would cut me down till there is nothing left. Such a soul murderer, such evil, such envy. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18166248999404159433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-25086595606612969452014-07-28T18:30:16.595-07:002014-07-28T18:30:16.595-07:00Thanks Peeps. I wish there was a way for our brot...Thanks Peeps. I wish there was a way for our brothers to see the light. Its hard to believe the truth, I've been in shock for a month now, so I know how hard it is for them. It's easy to cave and believe our mothers still care when evidence proves otherwise.<br /><br />I'm sure the flying monkeys will come, but for now I have God's grace. We live one day at a time, and I'm coping the best that I can. I feel like I'm living in an upside down world. So I can see how the brothers can't accept it. I'm sorry to hear you and your brother were ostracized so coldly, but that is what our mothers do.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18166248999404159433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-52350092682135036102014-07-28T15:24:00.527-07:002014-07-28T15:24:00.527-07:00Like the quote. :) I had a friend tell me today, I...Like the quote. :) I had a friend tell me today, I am "dumping" too many people in reference to the NC, this time with sister. I told her, I am now in place where I'd rather be alone then be abused. It is often said that those who see through society, and whose minds become "free" are often hated by those who love their chains. I think of this in the sense of where the Bible says "The truth will set you free". It astonishes me how afraid they all are. They are afraid even of my "rebellion" which gives me a lot to ponder.Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-848158918536260032014-07-28T15:12:07.290-07:002014-07-28T15:12:07.290-07:00“Only yesterday I was no different than them, yet ...“Only yesterday I was no different than them, yet I was saved. I am explaining to you the way of life of a people who say every sort of wicked thing about me because I sacrificed their friendship to gain my own soul. I left the dark paths of their duplicity and turned my eyes toward the light where there is salvation, truth, and justice. They have exiled me now from their society, yet I am content. Mankind only exiles the one whose large spirit rebels against injustice and tyranny. He who does not prefer exile to servility is not free in the true and necessary sense of freedom.” <br />― Khalil GibranAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-15144047322806914522014-07-28T12:01:22.186-07:002014-07-28T12:01:22.186-07:00Hi Joan, sorry you can't talk to your brother ...Hi Joan, sorry you can't talk to your brother either about what your mother is. Mine tells me he still thinks she "cares" as I wrote. I think he has some deep denial and it is easier to look away even though he was treated pretty awful too and the relatives that ostracize me, did so with him too. My GC sister doesn't even talk to him and I don't think has been in the same room with him since 2009. She could care less of course. Sounds like your brother denies your mother's smirking and is in same type of denial too. I'm surprised your mother's overt rejection of your brother has not gotten him able to admit more going on. He needs to stop hoping she will come back with him, I am glad God is helping you with flying monkeys. Many outsiders do not understand these crazy ACON family dynamics.<br /><br />. <br />Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-25173977347985002014-07-26T20:38:06.514-07:002014-07-26T20:38:06.514-07:00I can talk to my brother too, but not about what o...I can talk to my brother too, but not about what our mother is. He is under the impression that the "smirk" that she gives is grieving, or upset. Everyone does things in their own way and that is how she is. I believe she smirks when feeding on supply, she enjoys pain and suffering. He has seen it and says that is how she processes others pain. Oh well.<br /><br />Mother doesn't have anything to do with him, he dissed her once and she won't have anything to do with him. Only my sister contacts her, and that I try to remain NC with sister as well. <br /><br />When my mother has narcissistic rage it is dangerous. I can't cope with it. She told me she likes it when I'm miserable. I did not absorb that till years later. That's when I knew she was a predator. I told my brother this and he said she was just in a bad mood that day. She won't talk to him and he keeps trying. <br /><br />I have my church and volunteer work which all have people I can talk to. I'm very careful with disclosing too much though. My husband does not understand these things, he's coping with it, but I'm still in shock. He knew I had problems and was anxiety prone from day 1, and now I have the answer as to why. But it is all so strange even to me and I'm afraid he thinks I'm nuts.<br /><br />I feel I have no one right now except for the ACON blogs. Well, at least there are no flying monkeys yet. God is intervening in that I honestly believe. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18166248999404159433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-90327522532072735322014-07-24T11:25:25.572-07:002014-07-24T11:25:25.572-07:00Yes some superficial memories. We did talk about s... Yes some superficial memories. We did talk about some of the past more intense stuff. I know I worry about him telling my NM things so I have to be cautious with the few I do talk to in general. I would say I am LC even with the few I am in contact with. They al live very far away. I see a few on a social website, and well I have not been in person with any of them in over 5-8 years save for one cousin and seeing my NM and husband at her house before going NC. <br /><br />I really don't have a family, everyone is long distant and spread out. I am sorry your NM called everyone to groom them and do a smear campaign. I have found out, and I hope I am being told the truth that my NM has hidden my departure and acting like nothing is wrong. One aunt said to me that my NM just told her "Oh I haven't heard from her" [like I have been busy instead of gone for a year]<br /><br /><br />In my case the NM knows where I live. I wish she did not but I could not afford to move and want to stay in the same town for good anyhow. Maybe one weird thing about her knowing where I live is there will be no PIs called. LOL It sounds like yours went all out. Mine has not showed up on my doorstep. I expected that for a time, but I do not think my hoovering will be very bad. If anything at this conjecture, I think she has washed her hands of me for good, and I have been discarded and dumped. I suppose I will know on my birthday next month but obviously I ignored hers. I would think most give up after a time. How long was your harassment? the aunt above told me on the phone [and I haven't seen this aunt in person since 1997 so phone contact is even minimal] that she thinks my mother is glad I am gone. Maybe she said as much to her but I didn't pry. <br /><br /><br />Yes if you have your own family you can focus on them as the old one fades into the distance. I suppose with me it is hard being 45 years old and never having had children. I dare say my own healing would have gone a bit better. I am glad you can avoid the topic. I hint at things rarely and my close friends know, but I am noticing with new people, I say basically almost nothing about them. I agree having the friends and others, they do become your family in every real sense. Yes my two top narcs are not happy people even for all their money and people around them. I always thought Aunt Denial and my NM were thick as thieves but even remember having a conversation with Aunt Denial where she told me she barely knew my mother even with all the visits. Hey who knows her, she doesn't talk about anything. Mine has ended friendships but seems to have a crowd of neighbors and ladies that do lunch that seem happy with the superficiality. The Mini-me doesn't have any friends and was actually well hated in all her groups, and has abandoned her old friends from high school and later. She never developed even the superficial social niceties to grease her way because she was always taken care of. Yes I am not surprised yours too shared the superficial friendships or dumped others saying it was their fault. They never take responsibility for anything that is for sure! Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-51938565300311181392014-07-24T11:07:58.455-07:002014-07-24T11:07:58.455-07:00I don't know how narcs and sociopaths manage i...I don't know how narcs and sociopaths manage it, but it seems people buy their version of reality far more. I am not sure how that works, fear?Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-47057013173821880212014-07-24T09:05:47.008-07:002014-07-24T09:05:47.008-07:00You know the backstory of my mother. I don't s...You know the backstory of my mother. I don't see how people that know it to be true, still think she was this fine southern belle and the rest of us were defective. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-19040465062807465842014-07-23T19:38:07.269-07:002014-07-23T19:38:07.269-07:00"I realize I am even loosing memories, no one..."I realize I am even loosing memories, no one to talk about memories with save for a few with my brother." Are those memories along the theme of neutral topics re: your FOO? In other words, more superficial memories?<br /><br />There are so many, many losses, "collateral damage" as you move from contact to LC to NC. When I NC'd, there were no geographically close relatives and rather than place the distant relatives in a difficult position (all on my MN "Mother's" side, Dad's FOO had been completely erased long before I ever met them) I didn't reach out to them. My concern was they would be used by MN "Mother" as sources of information. As it was, she called everyone whose name she ever heard me mention-even though she never even met these people, lived at least a long day's drive away etc.-in an attempt to groom them and slime me. (Another way to isolate the victim.) Additionally, she had her PIs stalking me and my family/friends, phone taps etc. and I made no effort to "hide" aside from residing at a distance so she was able to procure information through other means.<br /><br />We can and do create new Families. I rarely if ever talk about my FOO; at this stage in my life it just isn't a common topic anyway as most of us have adult kids, grandkids etc. Yes, there are good people. Finding and maintaining friendships with the "good" never erases the past but does help mitigate the losses if not in quantity, certainly in quality. Eventually, it's these people who *do* become your Family in every and the best sense of the word.<br /><br />IMO, the "despair" evidenced by the Narcs is a reflection of their Envy and Greed towards others. Their relationships with friends (and other more distant family members) consistently remained either superficial or ended for some reason never stated or for some "reason" that was always the other's "fault."<br />The Ns are *never* responsible for the outcomes of their own behavior. Evah! ;)<br />TWTundra Womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12262066568878267648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-25737668896151125592014-07-23T16:02:57.391-07:002014-07-23T16:02:57.391-07:00Sorry to hear that Q. I can't trust anyone eit...Sorry to hear that Q. I can't trust anyone either in my entire family. It is sad to me. Not one ally in an entire family. I am glad you had your sister but sorry she got scapegoated. I can talk to brother and one aunt about some things but they will never take a stand against the NM, it's all back room stuff. The aunt never insisted I was invited to her granddaughters wedding, my brother probably even keeps it secret from the NM that he even talks to me. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-57185925991728352352014-07-23T14:02:01.228-07:002014-07-23T14:02:01.228-07:00I found that I couldn't trust anyone outside o...I found that I couldn't trust anyone outside of my scapegoated sister. Friends or family. My mother died and handed the torch off to my ex wife. And so it goes. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com