tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post3427164620758149715..comments2024-03-24T16:53:02.846-07:00Comments on Five Hundred Pound Peep: Most People with Normal Families will Never Get It Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-4313374340636619852015-09-15T13:48:27.504-07:002015-09-15T13:48:27.504-07:00Thanks and welcome to the blog, Bipolar Scientist....Thanks and welcome to the blog, Bipolar Scientist. It's terrible you were not believed either. Everyone believes in the narc masks while they treat us like garbage. That's sick how your NMIL asked about your abusive grandfather. It's probably a good thing the in laws never met my family but it was because they did not come to our wedding. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-83148116759495715652015-09-15T08:01:40.867-07:002015-09-15T08:01:40.867-07:00Hi Peep, I've just discovered your blog and ha...Hi Peep, I've just discovered your blog and had to comment. I so relate to your story of people not believing you about abuse. When my NMIL was "getting to know me" (more like trying to rip me apart), she asked about my NGF. I said that I was estranged from him because he had been abusive to me. She looked me straight in the eye and said "I don't believe that." From then on, until the old abuser's death, every time she saw me she made a point to ask how my grandfather was doing. Never asked about my parents or brother, just the man who abused me. Of course NMIL is a piece of work herself so that probably had something to do with it too. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-86962761116571211832015-09-15T07:07:55.889-07:002015-09-15T07:07:55.889-07:00Thanks Smakintosh :)Thanks Smakintosh :)Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-63741811500489350612015-09-15T07:07:16.584-07:002015-09-15T07:07:16.584-07:00I understand, I don't feel safe in any of the ...I understand, I don't feel safe in any of the churches either because they are so family focused. If you don't have children too in that world, you are seen as a "wicked" woman, it is at least implied. I believe the church has turned the family into an idol. The Duggars would be one extreme example of that. I wearied among the upper middle class homeschooling circles where the people had 7 and 8 kids each or more. I couldn't even imagine. The pressure on women to be a great "homekeeper" also was there. I live in small apartments, there's no canning or gardening for me. If you tell them you have left your family, then there is horror. Their lives are so family directed, there's no room for friends. My good church in my old town-now defunct, was poorer and working class and actually had some single people in the church, I wouldn't realize how rare this would become until after I moved here.<br /><br />I prayed too about going NC. God was calling me to sever myself from them for a long time. I felt the evil. The day she told me she wished her sister would go die, instead of having surgeries, I sat there, seeing the wickedness and thought, "What am I doing here? I needed help from God to go no contact. " If we are called out of wicked churches why not wicked families? The people in the churches don't get it. Most are comfortable types, who have not faced such challenges. The churches teach reconcilation, and live in a world where the truly wicked don't even seem to exist. There is no explaining this to anyone. At the last one, I told the pastor and one other, that I was estranged from my family for religious differences and they were Catholic and angry I had become a born again Christian, this still put me on the "weirdo" list. Even talking to the church members their entire lives revolved around their families. The pastor had three sons with their wives and children who attended the church. Another top church member was nice but had 8 or 9 children. What did they understand about my life?Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-21392046410671415172015-09-15T06:00:28.286-07:002015-09-15T06:00:28.286-07:00And this is why I've yet to find a place of wo...And this is why I've yet to find a place of worship in which I feel safe. The Victorian ideal of "family first" has become dogma in Evangelical circles. It's so bad now that the victim will be chastised, if not outright disciplined, for failure to "forgive" her abuser. I can't imagine the horror of many good church members if they discovered one like me who divorced his false "family" of origin. Long before I ever heard of NPD, or Anti-Social Personality Disorder, I would be praying and sense in the deepest parts of me that the Being the world calls "God" longed for me to sever myself from my FOO, that He loved me, and that He wanted me free of their wickedness. I believe His Spirit has communicated the same to every single one of the ACONs of this world, whether they are aware of it or not. I consider it a miracle and a Divine Intervention when any individual, irrespective of outward faith, demonstrates the courage to go no contact. Now then....how in the hell do you explain this to someone? Anyone? Anyone in church? Thank you Peep for sharing your insights and giving us valuable, practical advice. smakintoshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11643706541390923318noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-50591704166636983392015-09-14T21:09:46.594-07:002015-09-14T21:09:46.594-07:00I am glad you had a normal foster parent and they ...I am glad you had a normal foster parent and they did not tell you to reconcile with your adopted narc mother. Yes the narcs even if some recognize they are wicked, they do not understand the tools they use like smear campaigns. Even if you knew about narcs, they may not had understood. I know much of this stuff is hard for an average person with a loving family to get.<br /><br />I don't understand why some people just ignore people or refuse to keep in touch. I just do not understand. This is not cases of them having had to go no contact such as in our cases but just laziness and disrespect or indifference. <br /><br />I do think people avoid those who have had bad things happen to them. I have noticed too unless one has a "happy ending" or is able to be healed from their health problems--staying alive is not enough to pass their test, they give up on you. Many of us have dealt with narc families who threw us away because we did not get high power careers or money. Many of these people are the types to walk away when the going gets rough and abandon even their mutual middle class friends who get cancer or may end up facing other hardships. One cannot trust the NTs who live in Disney fantasy land and reject the truth about aging and illness to be loyal good friends who stick by one through thick and thin. I am glad you found some good friends. People you can be real with. That is the friends who I can appreciate and really talk to and where I don't have to censor every word fearful I'll pop their Disney land dream thinking, or judging people by how much money or what they achieve. A true friend you can talk about what happened and not be judged. We want people who support us. I don't have to censor things around my spouse either. <br />Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-78851720559959992642015-09-14T16:53:00.068-07:002015-09-14T16:53:00.068-07:00Before I lived with my adopted narc mother, I had ...Before I lived with my adopted narc mother, I had a normal foster parent who believed me when I told them about abuses. They did not tell me to forgive and forget, and reconcile with Paula. They cared about me. Unfortunately, they did not understand smear campaign and why I asked them to adopt me even though I was an adult. They died at least a decade before I learned about narcissistic parent and that my adopted mother was a narc.<br /><br />I kept in touch with a woman who is very close to my foster parent and she has been ignoring me. I think some people could not handle people who did not have a happy ending to their lives or something like that. Some people are just plain weak or just don't care. Out of many people who blew me off, I managed to find good friends who are hanging out with me. I think it is helpful to find ways to explain our situations such as I told them that my adopted narc mother abused me as an young adult, so I cut her out of my life. They did not bother me with forgive, forget, and reconcile stuff. They are supportive of my decision and hang out with me. I hope you will find friends like that like some of you do with your loving and kind spouse.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-55389763653866879502015-09-14T11:54:29.465-07:002015-09-14T11:54:29.465-07:00I agree. I seem to meet these people who have no c...I agree. I seem to meet these people who have no concept of evil. This may sound bad, but they have been sheltered and protected from it during their lives. I would rather people not face the evils I have, and some of these are GOOD people but I wonder about those who deny the existence of evil and if they lack in character they can become such easy enablers and defenders of it. Many are naive and blame the victim especially in the face of the more powerful narcs who look like they have it all together. There's too many naive ones in authority. I have written about the counselors. Thanks for your comments Daphne.Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-22640987344777697242015-09-14T11:41:12.403-07:002015-09-14T11:41:12.403-07:00Those who've never even entertained the concep...Those who've never even entertained the concept of this level of human interpersonal evil can begin to fathom the extent of the damage to the children involved... or even of adults involved. So, the naive label the victims wrongly & usually cause more damage, esp. when the naive are supposedly in a helping or authority position, like a doctor, counsellor, judge... Daphne Yvonne Bradshawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04505781328962446837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-13443491518641571332015-09-14T11:26:55.699-07:002015-09-14T11:26:55.699-07:00Thanks Joan, thanks for sharing my article on your...Thanks Joan, thanks for sharing my article on your blog. Yes it is a warning to give all ACONs. I know I made some huge errors, having people look at me falsely telling them too much. Even the most mild statement of "I have no family or I am estranged from them" gets people to look at you in a bad way. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-13414298332920832572015-09-14T08:29:30.366-07:002015-09-14T08:29:30.366-07:00This is a masterpiece. I hope you don't mind ...This is a masterpiece. I hope you don't mind I want to share it over at afraid of my shadow. I think it is important we compound this message.Joan Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07775873193806083833noreply@blogger.com