tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post8897449018015758378..comments2024-03-24T16:53:02.846-07:00Comments on Five Hundred Pound Peep: The First Time I went No ContactFive Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-69881921658709072872020-02-12T06:27:08.795-08:002020-02-12T06:27:08.795-08:00This blog helped give me the strength to get out a...This blog helped give me the strength to get out and stay no contact and process all of the abuse. I still may write about no contact and the rewards of it years later, and other things, but this blog gave me the ability like a maze to get out of the narc bullshit and gas lighting. So yeah it was worth it. <br /><br />With emotion see below....<br /><br />Yes this blog helped me a lot.<br /><br />This blog was started to find out what was wrong with me in 2010, when I had such severe weight problems and ate normally and could not lose weight. I thought I had Cushings, though I was diagnosed with pseudo Cushings. The research and more, led me to my Lipedema IV diagnosis.<br /><br />I do censor some emotion from this blog. Some is my Aspergers showing up in my writing, trust me the emotion is there, Aspies express it different. A lot of NTs see Aspies as "cold and clinical", I know it is a problem for me. The emotions is there. I kept journals for years, some I did destroy and throw away but I kept others. I had to be cautious with this blog if it was ever found by family. The narcs can use emotions easily against people. Time and no contact will help the anger, but it has reason to exist.Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-23426588278525117232020-02-11T23:27:11.627-08:002020-02-11T23:27:11.627-08:00Did this blog help you at all? I do not understan...Did this blog help you at all? I do not understand how you can write about this stuff without screaming in emotional pain in your writing. I am experiencing very bad perimenopause symptoms and if I describe the abuse I feel intensely angry.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-52219549675682646792014-11-26T10:08:17.280-08:002014-11-26T10:08:17.280-08:00Go to profile there is an email on there. Please w...Go to profile there is an email on there. Please write me. Sorry I saw this so much later. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-64861936434383383592014-10-15T07:13:44.185-07:002014-10-15T07:13:44.185-07:00Hi, My name is Hilary and I would like to chat mor...Hi, My name is Hilary and I would like to chat more about this. Is there a way to contact you? Hilary Bnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-56330644331678459402014-09-18T20:10:36.481-07:002014-09-18T20:10:36.481-07:00I didn't think you were suggesting that, jut k...I didn't think you were suggesting that, jut kind of thinking aloud. I agree about not doing anything illegal. I guess I wonder what ideas there are to "fight" back except in a court room. One thing with the worse malignants and sociopaths, everyone is on their side. They can manipulate people masterfully they have been practicing on all their lives. I want to ask you what your ideas would be? One thing I did that did not work was telling others what she had done and said. It just did not matter. <br /><br />Thanks for understanding those who run from the predators. I think with many of these narcs, NC is the only choice. I have lost so many battles with my NM, sometimes I am in awe but she doesn't think like I do. She isn't "held back" by conscience, guilt or softer feelings. <br /><br />I agree courage is feeling the fear and keeping on anyway. The most masterful narcs win people over in a heart beat. Some may be mean to scapegoats but be nice as pie to the rest of the world too at the same time. <br /><br />Reading ACON blogs helped me crawl out of the black hole, I hope this one can help others too. I want people who have suffered this to know they are not alone. I know this blog has a lot of themes-the whole standing up for fat people thing and also those abused by narcisstic parents. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-51528135150895438192014-09-18T12:28:35.892-07:002014-09-18T12:28:35.892-07:00"Any ACON who seeks revenge and finds themsel..."Any ACON who seeks revenge and finds themselves in a jail cell for doing so, "<br /><br />I never suggested doing that. <br />I suggested the opposite. Don't do anything illegal.<br /><br />But, my ideas might not be everyones cup of tea. They might not be mean enough. As I look at this now, I am the type that would think "You tried so hard to destroy me and you failed and you continue to fail. Now it's my turn." And I would find a way.<br /><br />"ACONs all look like scared rabbits hopping away into rabbit holes to hide away from the big bad wolves"<br /><br />Not to me. It's entirely reasonable to fear predators with no conscience and get the BEEP away from them. <br /><br />If NC is the only choice, then do it. Why would anyone suggest differently? Is anyone out there stupid enough to think the brave people don't feel fear? Bravery is doing what has to be done. If that means NC is what has to be done, or maybe it means war, it depends on the person.<br /><br />"Some of the bravest [or craziest LOL?] speak out, on blogs like this one and other venues, while others are silent in their hiding."<br /><br />I used to think of narcissists as being just extremely irritating people to be around. I never found then "charming" or "glib" etc. Fingernails on a blackboard kind of irritating is how I saw them. Until I came across blogs that showed me I was wrong. So it is a very practical service you and others are doing and it will save lives. It probably already saved lives.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-33804668527646218702014-09-16T21:16:02.904-07:002014-09-16T21:16:02.904-07:00I read an article once, wish I could remember wher...I read an article once, wish I could remember where it was, [qs blog or another ACON blog?] where it discussed how there was no justice in this world for the ACON. The courts won't listen because too much time has passed for most who wake up. Society won't listen. Most of the families end up under the sway of the head sociopaths or narcs and dismiss you as the worthless scapegoat. So I understand what you mean by the lack of "defense".<br /><br /> Any revenge has spiritual implications, and also worldly ones. Any ACON who seeks revenge and finds themselves in a jail cell for doing so, will have their laughing jeering narcs as a result doing fist bumps or telling people, "see I told you they were bad!" We do not want to sink to their level or become "wicked" like they are. The problem is what defenses are there? So far I have not come up with one that works. Fighting crazy can make a person crazy. With these narcs too, none of the usual rules apply, lying, cheating, stealing and maybe even the worse for some of them. How do you make people fear you who do not feel the emotion of fear? It simply does not happen. Mine are cold fish, very little to work with there. Press a button and nothing happens. That only actually works with those with a slight taint of humanity left. <br /><br />I know it is sad, ACONs all look like scared rabbits hopping away into rabbit holes to hide away from the big bad wolves but what other choice is there? Some of the bravest [or craziest LOL?] speak out, on blogs like this one and other venues, while others are silent in their hiding. I wish I had better answers. I do believe God will make it right in the end. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-55244410952913352642014-09-16T08:04:44.651-07:002014-09-16T08:04:44.651-07:00"HI I am glad you do not see NC as a surrende..."HI I am glad you do not see NC as a surrender. What else do you think you would do?"<br /><br />That's a good question. It's one I may not be able to answer because we don't have the same backgrounds. All I can do is read others experiences to try to figure out what it is like to deal with MNs. Then I can come up with ideas that I think would work, but there may be considerations that I can't see or know because I wasn't raised by these creatures.<br /><br />Reading about this makes my blood boil. It makes me think murderous thoughts. But to be "wise as a serpent", I would use figurative fangs and not literal fangs, and do it for MY sake, because losing my freedom isn't worth it. And I would be as "harmless as a dove", because I go only after the guilty.<br /><br />If I was raised by these rats, I would know what sets them off. I would know exactly what buttons to push. And I would push them, incessantly, constantly and without mercy.<br /><br />If it was me, I would not go totally NC. All contact would be on my terms. I would push their buttons. If they hated my happiness, then by golly I'd show them my happiness! Even if I had to make it up. And when they strike back, then I know I hit my target. And I'd be happy! I would ignore their response and substitute my own, and feed it right back to them. It's called "reframing". I would get the initiative and I would keep it.<br /><br />I would make them fear me. I would make THEM break all contact and go into hiding, because to be in contact with me would mean even more pain for them.<br /><br />It seems that reading peoples experiences, they know what to do, because they know what sets the MN off, and they spent their childhoods doing everything they can to not set the MN off. But for some reason that I can't figure out, they wont do it back to the MN. It's not revenge, It's war. <br /><br />"This is possible even if my blog is found one day or there is something else published. She will convince the others I am "crazy". "<br /><br />Sure. I can see them doing that. There may be insufficient laws against child abuse, but there are also laws against libel and slander.<br /><br />"You are right there is a lack of a good defense. Many of us are trying to survive. I do wish some laws were changed but then how are they going to enforce even a secular law making people love their children, when they aren't even capable of the emotion? "<br /><br />I personally wouldn't depend on laws. I mentioned libel and slander, and they may be good tools to use if the opportunity arrives, but I wouldn't place my faith in the "just us" system.<br /><br />I think the lack of a good defense is something that can only be worked out by those that suffered because of these freaks, because they have first hand experiences and they know. Someone like me probably wouldn't help that much.<br /><br />This is where networking would help. To me, as an outsider, people write about the abuse in the articles and the comments, but they don't write about defenses against it. I get it that people need to know there are others out there that went thru things just as bad, or worse. but then what? What happens next? <br /><br />It's jot just a lack of defense. Going on the offensive seems to be really out of the question. And imho that keeps the initiative in the MNs control. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-78689352452472947492014-09-15T08:03:52.475-07:002014-09-15T08:03:52.475-07:00People who throw someone under a bus, along with a...<br />People who throw someone under a bus, along with a narc, are enabling evil. I believe one day they will be facing the music for their cowardice.<br /><br /><br />I agree with you, that the flying monkeys are not innocents. They made their choice for wickedness. Thanks for bringing that up. If they love the bananas [ie money and present] more then their own sister or relative, then that says it all. <br /><br />What works with narcs?<br /><br />It's called submit or don't. I chose not to submit and walked away.<br /><br />I don't think any battles in this earth can be won with them. Outside of exposing their evils and speaking out, there is nothing to be done except in staying away from them as far as possible. They know how to manipulate people, have more power in our system, have the money--usually. One thing if you wrestle with the alligators you can end up in the mud too and splattered with it. There are bible verses that tell Christians to depart from the wicked. "Fighting" them in carnal fashions just digs the hole deeper. These are types who are used to winning and will do so at any cost. If you play with sociopaths, the normal restraints and laws on average people with consciences do not apply. <br /><br />I don't think every narc "stalks" their target. Many when they see you are not coming back discard and devalue and move on to easier feeding grounds. Mine is not putting forth efforts to "get me back". The birthday cards is to keep up appearances. I know with the passage of time even those will ease off. She has hidden my departure from the others and mentioned me at a bare minimum if at all. I didn't matter to her when I was in contact and NC basically just ended the empty visits and shallow phone calls. [of course I have an "ignoring" type and not an "engulfing" type.]<br /><br />You are right there is a lack of a good defense. Many of us are trying to survive. I do wish some laws were changed but then how are they going to enforce even a secular law making people love their children, when they aren't even capable of the emotion? The statue of limitations should be extended for adult survivors especially under these circumstances. We don't always get justice in this world and have to wait on God for His. <br /><br />Romans 12:19 - Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but [rather] give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance [is] mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.<br />Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-31087603944689635762014-09-15T08:03:15.896-07:002014-09-15T08:03:15.896-07:00HI I am glad you do not see NC as a surrender. Wha...HI I am glad you do not see NC as a surrender. What else do you think you would do?<br /><br />Yes my faith does impact choices of what to do. But what is to be gained seeking revenge on a Narc even on the secular basis? Courts and jail are not fun places. The narc "wins" then too. <br /><br />Now some wish there were changes in the laws where one could seek some damages at a much later date for emotional and other narc abuses. I think the statute of limitations for child abuse is a joke, given that three years into early adulthood, it takes far longer for the fog these types put someone in to dissipate not to name all the Stockholm Syndrome stuff and inner lies they got the abused to believe as being at fault. <br /><br />The fact of the matter is these monsters will NOT repent. You could go full bore and it won't phase them one bit. I remember when I was still in contact writing the letters, screaming and yelling. NOTHING touched them. Nothing at all. The one thing that did in the case of my mother public embarrassment, she was always able to turn against me and play martyr. This is possible even if my blog is found one day or there is something else published. She will convince the others I am "crazy". <br /><br />They cannot repent. I religiously consider the malignant narcs of my family biblical reprobates. Hell awaits. A few of the lesser narcs and others, may have the potential to repent but most do not. Scripturally one does not have to lead a reprobate anywhere, they are "seared" and "handed over" already. <br /><br />continuing....Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-52183817023907589372014-09-13T13:59:57.621-07:002014-09-13T13:59:57.621-07:00No, I don't see NC as a surrender. If I was in...No, I don't see NC as a surrender. If I was in your shoes, I'd do the same thing. But in my case, it wouldn't end there.<br /><br />What I am saying is that people are fighting, or not fighting, on the MNs terms, not on the victims terms. A strong defense does not win wars. And to me, as an outsider that can only read of others experiences, this is a war.<br /><br />I can see where we differ, You are a christian, I am not, but I used to be. How can anyones goal be to get one of these monsters to repent, or even worry about their repenting, since they don't have a conscience and see no need to repent? Can a perfect MN "god" repent? <br /><br />According to the bible, who is the one that leads a person to repentance? Who is the one responsible for that? It's not you.<br /><br />I will just say this. If a person allows a MN to influence them to throw an innocent person under the bus. without looking into the situation themselves to verify it, they are idiots. Unfortunately, there are a lot of idiots out there. <br /><br />Saying the "flying monkeys" are brainwashed removes their own responsibility and allows them to claim victim status, while still getting the bananas the MN doles out to her little monkeys. That's a win-win situation for them. That, IMHO, is not acceptable <br /><br />From the article below it says "No amount of reasoning, logic, crying, begging, screaming and yelling, arguing, being nice to the N, showing her love,...."<br /><br />Then don't reason, cry, use logic etc. That's not hard to understand. If it doesn't work, then don't do it. Find out what does word, and do that.<br /><br />One thing I have learned in these 50 years is that a battle cannot be fought and won on the enemies terms. And IMHO this is a battle, and it is being fought on the enemies terms.<br /><br />And, isn't it true that NC is not a real defense, since the MN and their lackeys can or will stalk their target until they find him or her? Ir seems that NC is delaying the inevitable, depending on what the MN chooses to do and what effort to expend to find him or her again so the abuse can continue.<br /><br />I see this as a murderer breaking into someones home. The defenses (locks) have failed. Now what does a person do? Call the cops? They will come ASAP and clean up the mess and cart the body away in a body bag. Can't run, can't hide. Can't pray it away. It's fight or die. But again, this is coming from an outsider, not an ACON. But as an outsider, what I find disturbing in addition to the abuse inflicted by MN is the lack of a good defense and an effective offense against these rats.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-55922973142642639362014-09-13T10:13:52.555-07:002014-09-13T10:13:52.555-07:00this applies too. I got this from rumblestripq blo...this applies too. I got this from rumblestripq blog:<br /><br />http://rumblestripq.blogspot.com/<br />it's from Luke 17:3 ministries...<br /><br />"The Harsh Realities of Life With a Narcissist~ There is nothing we can do to change things. If we are going to stay in the relationship, it will always be what it is now. No amount of reasoning, logic, crying, begging, screaming and yelling, arguing, being nice to the N, showing her love, being patient, being understanding, pussy-footing around her, hiding things from her that we think might set her off, complimenting her, doing favors for her, supporting her, giving her money, walking on eggshells, going to therapy, talking it out, doing everything she tells us to do, etc, etc, will ever stop the abuse. In fact, all of these reactions just reinforce her bad behavior, because a REACTION (of any kind) is exactly what she wants from us.<br /><br />Consequences MAY work temporarily. When we enforce a consequence, the N may not do that exact misbehavior again, but she will do another one instead. Nothing works permanently, except No Contact.<br />Repeat after me~ There is NOTHING I can do. It will ALWAYS be like this. Now, are you okay with that? Ready to live the rest of your life in a toxic relationship with a selfish, abusive narcissist or psychopath? Are you willing to waste the next five or ten years or more being continually upset, manipulated, gaslighted and mistreated, now that you know another five or ten years won't matter, because it will NEVER change? The only difference another five or ten years will make is that you will be five or ten years older. If you wake up one day ten years from now stuck in the same depressing, dismal situation, I guarantee you will look back and regret it. I should know~ I wasted 47 years trying to make it work. So, is it time to dump the loser, go No Contact, and start living with joy and freedom? This is the only thing within our power that we can do to change things and go on to live a healthy, peaceful life. It's our choice."Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-33718349294636958352014-09-13T09:16:23.199-07:002014-09-13T09:16:23.199-07:00I want to contact Lisette too, so if you find an e...I want to contact Lisette too, so if you find an email tell me. Lisette if you see this please email me too. <br /><br />I know to outside observers, No Contact looks like a surrender doesn't it? I have the kind of personality where it is very difficult to do just so you know. With most of us we have been fighting for years and always losing. This was true of me. I spent literal years and years trying to get the others to hear my side of the story, and always being thrown under the bus. Even for a year before I went No Contact I sought to strengthen some family relationships before giving up on them. I am in place with brother now where things are ebbing away. No contact is not perfect, it can bring pain of it's own. I know for a fact mine has discarded and devalued me and is continuing intense smear campaigns and controlling of others to throw me over board. My dealing with rejection is a life long problem and seems to have gotten so intense outside of a few friends, I am learning to go more inward and accept my life the way it is.<br /><br />I even have question mine at times knowing my literal costs could be real, but there are spiritual aspects of my NC where I feel God Himself wanted me to clear out. <br /><br />Even knowing her tactics, I did not win. Mine is a sociopath and so much more talented then an Aspie at manipulating people. I was doomed to lose that battle from the start. She also can literally buy people why I have nothing to offer to shallow people who only care about the material. If I had won the Lotto or had life circumstances change, maybe I would have had a chance but then in that case why would I want people around me, I had to "buy"? I am not my mother. <br /><br />I consider this blog my "fighting back". They don't know about it YET for my own safety reasons, but one day they will. Maybe one day I would be able to get more of my story out. If the opportunity arises for justice in a court room [adoption, lack of medical history etc] I would also grab it.<br /><br />As for "destroying her", the bible says "Vengeance is mine saith the Lord" , I will have to hand that matter over to God. I know trying to "fight" the insane will do nothing but toss me down in the mud too. The best thing with evil is to run as far away from it as you can. You can make a stand but you will never bring someone without a conscience to repentance. ACONs know that in this world, the sociopaths are believed, not the scapegoats. They brainwash others into accepting their stories too. One day they will face what they did, but it will be at God's behest in most cases. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-5079051836304222432014-09-13T08:42:59.498-07:002014-09-13T08:42:59.498-07:00I have a question for you.
I looked for a way to...I have a question for you. <br /><br />I looked for a way to contact Lisette on her blog, which is where I learned about this topic, but there is no contact info listed for her and her comments are closed. And you made reference to your blog on a comment on her blog, so I thought I'd ask you.<br /><br />It all comes down to acting vs reacting. It seems that reading articles and the comments from MN survivors that the only real acting they do is to go no-contact and often that is not enough protection. Otherwise, they seem to be stuck in reactive mode, which means the MN retains the initiative, and the attacks continue.<br /><br />I am not a ACON so it's possible that there may be reasons why this is so, why the ACON does not seem to fight back; to stop reacting and act. You know their tactics, and their weaknesses, so you should(?) know how to strike back, and win. So why not stop the MN in their tracks?<br /><br />That's my question, and to me it is the obvious question. Why not destroy the MNs that tried so hard to destroy you, and will continue to try to destroy you?<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-71580182166263114922014-07-16T19:14:03.714-07:002014-07-16T19:14:03.714-07:00Yes, I'm sorry to read that your health has su...Yes, I'm sorry to read that your health has suffered over it. Its just so confusing, literally insidious this thing that has happened to us. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18166248999404159433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-85195098550485944042014-07-16T10:17:51.401-07:002014-07-16T10:17:51.401-07:00Yes I believe these people destroy lives. All I ha...Yes I believe these people destroy lives. All I have to do is look at my Aunt Scapegoat to see a life totally bombed out and absolutely destroyed. Although my life was brought to it's knees I was able to lay claim to Christian faith, friends and my interests and causes. <br /><br />http://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2013/10/aunt-scapegoat.html<br /><br />That woman served as a warning to me. I fought back and she never did.<br /><br />I have told my directly she has no empathy and is a narcissist and has no feelings. I am not sure if I got a chance to tell her she is a sociopath. She even whined once, Fivehundredpoundpeep says I am "disordered". Just the way she said it, kind of like, why should anyone listen to her, it was really truly sick and I knew self examination was forever off the table. <br /><br />I am glad you were able to accept the truth about your mother. I was able to accept the truth about mine. It took some doing. We push it away not wanting to believe the worse. I know for a fact mine hated me from very early on. That was written in one of the last letters. She of course called me a liar. Ironic, she was just proving my case. <br />Yes they know how to put on appearances of "right" so yes this tells us they know exactly what they are doing. I believe mine derived absolute pleasure from seeking to quash me and realized with time she was very happy I was so sick and impoverished. Often the SGs are set up. I am so sorry you went through this too and your life ended up a mess. Mine did too sadly. <br /><br />When I was young before I became a born again Christian, I watched and read horror constantly. I was living in a horror show with wicked people. So wonder I watched and read those type of books. Evil surrounded me. <br /><br />I think I knew the truth inside too. Even spiritually it would influence me as I sought after God, asking Him to rescue me. <br /><br />They are pure evil, there is not other way to explain it.<br /><br />There are people in this world who are wicked and have no consciences. They made their choice for it too.<br />Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-12314845914483620932014-07-15T19:51:54.030-07:002014-07-15T19:51:54.030-07:00I think they destroyed a lot of lives. And if yo...I think they destroyed a lot of lives. And if you told them to their face, that they are a MN, they won't accept it. There is nothing else in their body but evil. I've finally accepted the truth about my MN mother, that person that screams at me, that only has good intentions towards me, actually hates me to death.<br /><br />I'm not quite believing there is a choice. Otherwise, there would be narcissists that are making good choices and that I can't wrap my brain around. We know they are choosing because they shift gears, when necessary to keep up the BS. But, that only explains that they know the difference between right and wrong. Evil people that know they do wrong and like it. <br /><br />They can have this beautiful little baby, and to them it is just another mirror or they squash it. My life was such a mess, because someone made a choice. Before my awakening, I had visions of evil. I was watching horror movies with hauntings, and I thought someone has done this to me. Why was I such a target for every bully? Why can't I make my own decisions, I can't trust myself? Wasn't this me doing this? No, somewhere deep inside me I knew the truth. This was caused by an evil entity with a womb.<br /><br />They are pure evil, there is not other way to explain it. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18166248999404159433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-14698705735865725432014-06-02T19:31:07.385-07:002014-06-02T19:31:07.385-07:00es my NC has bought "memory bubbles" gal...es my NC has bought "memory bubbles" galore. LOL about our age. I have remembered even more loony stuff. Yes when younger I just kind of closed it out. I was just trying to stay alive many of my years since my health problems were so severe. I didn't have energy or even the strength to face some of this stuff head on. I repressed a lot to survive. The human mind will do that not wanting to fafce the depths it is. Of course being around shallow narcs, introspection and deep contemplation is not advanced but totally discouraged. One is not supposed to ask too many questions. I heard that too when you are OLDER you will understand. I sure did. Course I probably was already OLDER then them in some of the ways that count, as narcs don't grow.<br /><br />Yes I am sure you were OLDER too. I was an old lady watching a screaming 2 year old brat that always had to have her way every minute and everyone else's attention on her. <br /><br />I think about how mine responded to my NC letter listing her actions stating, just didn't happen, and that I am liar. What a cop-out. I am thinking about now how years of that probably affected me as a child, always being told I was lying, was wrong, was stupid, was crazy. Even GOOD stuff they would diminish, like art, wanting to read books and the rest. <br /><br />I hope time will honor things too. Definitely. Thanks for pointing out my art Tundra Woman. :) Yes I have developed some gifts even living in such a pyschic cesspool. They hated that I was an artist too and hate everything creative. <br /><br />Yes I am happy I have gotten free. I know I must stay free too. :) I think the fact I survived all this points to the human spirit as well and for other ACONs as well who got out and realized what they were and are, and kept their souls intact.Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-125269841205346132014-06-02T19:21:30.638-07:002014-06-02T19:21:30.638-07:00While I think in a few cases, the kid is a psychop...While I think in a few cases, the kid is a psychopath, or has other problems and is the sole perpertrator, in many cases when I heard those cases, I think there had to be severe abuse that set the stage. It seems I have read a lot of cases of abusive murdering parents coming from Oregon, I do not know why that is. I think the West is seen as a freer place where narcs and sociopaths hang out, you know the "whole go West young man thing", this is why the West Coast has the most serial killers, and also it looks like the most abusive dangerous parents. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-78644728761304164312014-06-02T19:19:36.519-07:002014-06-02T19:19:36.519-07:00That is horrible anon! I am sorry he never got cau...That is horrible anon! I am sorry he never got caught. Trauma will bring people amnesia. That had to be horrible for you. Yes many narcs will breed narcs--the GCs, or others. I have noticed some narcs seem to be extreme perfectionists, I am not sure if they go wholly to the OCD route. OCD people usually worry and go back to check, Narcs never worry but expect everything to be extreme perfect and abuse those who don't dot every i. I find those with no consciences to be barely human. Who knows what they could be capable of. I am wary of people who do not feel, can't be afraid and never cry. Yes I think there are more psychopaths and others out there more then people could even realize. I will pray for you, Anon.<br />Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-48187312247383292572014-06-02T19:16:29.051-07:002014-06-02T19:16:29.051-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-22003881155686254352014-06-02T05:38:26.704-07:002014-06-02T05:38:26.704-07:00Some of those "monster parents" get caug...Some of those "monster parents" get caught by one of their kids, even early, and the kid already has so much abuse & hate, the kid kills the parent. It just happened in Oregon, the adult kid & his dad got into argument, and the adult kid killed his dad. they were both violent, so he went on trial here. there are lots of abusive, even murdering parents, here in Lane County Oregon. We always got the scum& jerks, hippies,druggies, ect. "I HATE EUGENE OREGON". Wish I could leave can't afford it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-54729196565141088612014-06-02T05:28:08.327-07:002014-06-02T05:28:08.327-07:00My dad murdered someone, and they never caught hi...My dad murdered someone, and they never caught him, cause no one knew about it.I had amnesia for so many years, so I did not remember for years. Thank god, I realize my sister is a narcissist, but we have to communicate cause of "family business." Otherwise, I would have nothing to do with her; she has "OCD-PERSONALITY DISORDER,--and Extreme-Perfectionism." I had to diagnosis her.She barely is human.Your parents could be sadistic murderers in the past.Take it from me, its entirely possible, they have the profile...my dad was one, and it is more common than you think.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-27217603923225862282014-05-29T10:51:22.054-07:002014-05-29T10:51:22.054-07:00Oh, peep, I smiled at your reference to your "...Oh, peep, I smiled at your reference to your "advanced age"! I'm an old widow broad, went through this decades ago and still occasionally I'll have a "Memory Bubble" that pops up, something I've not thought about since the day it happened. The most recent one involved the first day of first grade at the ripe old age of 5. I have no idea what precipitated this memory and it wasn't anything particularly traumatic, just another day/event in CB Parental Looney-ville.<br />I've given far more thought about growing up CB-Parented in the last few years than I believe I ever have. Part of that is Age and Stage of Life, no doubt, as well as what you spoke to in terms of how busy we are in those younger years trying to just survive as well as the daily demands of adult life. There isn't a lot of time-or energy-left over during this period of our lives to deeply contemplate our experiences-which in any event had been strongly discouraged from Day One. Another thought related to this experience of allowing your "lens" to naturally develop a Wide Angle View is this response I was given if I even DARED to question even a minor confusing event: "When you're older, You'll UNDERSTAND." I wonder how many ACs heard that as well?!<br />OK. I'm "older." Older than dirt-which was how my "mother" regarded me. Far older than when this "reason" was hissed at me. Far older than the age of the "mother" who was hissing this AT me. And guess what? I SURE DO "understand" and my understanding places her in an even more horrific, appalling light as time and age evolve. There's *nothing* wrong with my memory which was always a problem for HER in her attempts to gas light or re-write history on me, pull a "Clear Entry" move or hit the "Delete" key.<br />When she could use my memory as a Bragging Right, it was expropriated for her edification: When it was "inconveniently TRUE" it became her mortal enemy. Nonetheless, it remained intact.<br />Peep, time doesn't "heal all wounds." Instead, it HONORS them. It celebrates the Lessons Learned necessary to survive under CB Parental Abuse and how we can use them now in our every day lives. It gives us even more awareness of the inherent resources we have *always* had but were never allowed to even glimpse never mind fully develop. (Think of your art, your creativity-that's a GIFT, peep.)<br />Would we have chosen this life with these parents? OHHELLNO! But there it is. Again, that you've even gotten free peep is a testament to your spirit and just how tenacious, how resourceful, how enduring the human spirit truly is.<br />TW Tundra Womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12262066568878267648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-5904584356018964712014-05-28T13:05:01.775-07:002014-05-28T13:05:01.775-07:00Thanks Tundra Woman, I appreciate that a lot. I th...Thanks Tundra Woman, I appreciate that a lot. I think it is good I tried to get out at 21 too. I think if my health had held out [which affected the jobs] maybe I would have been okay and managed to stay away. I would go LC for the next series of years but yes even that young, I knew something was wrong. <br /><br />Yes NC is hard even at an advanced age.<br /><br />I think they should not be shocked when we say enough of this. I know if not for my disabilities and needing help--[no one paid my rent or basic living but am talking about when I needed some help years ago for car related stuff] I know I probably would have broken away sooner. We are formalizing the lack of a relationship that there always was. I realized in many ways she was always a stranger. <br /><br />In my case, while they threw a few crumbs to keep the puppy coming back or merely tolerated me on occasion, and wanted to "keep track of me", I never was really included in their lives and was ignored, tossed away and abused so no they should not be surprised that I got up brushed myself off and walked away. Last year when I was so sick and not one bothered to attempt to come my way? Why was I wasting my time? NC is affecting me oddly. I have been thinking about things I have not in years and probably facing quite a bit head on. Like things I suppressed? Maybe at the time to survive. For young ACONs admitting that one's family really does hate you or wants you to die or be destroyed, really is psychologically kind of too heavy. I know I am dealing with a lot recently that my mind set aside for years and years. One odd thing one close friend now deceased, told me she felt like I was "sleeping". She said I was asleep in a psychological sense, and in many ways she was right, those were my 30s, being married, my husband steadily employed, church and volunteer work but still dealing with serious health stuff where I had to fight to live but I did not want to face painful facts about my family or the abuse, back then and was LC, trying to keep my head above water. But even the abuse that came then, I paid a price for. I agree it takes courage to escape, and to finally admit to yourself what they are. I do feel things are majorly shifting for me. Odd at such an advanced age but better late then never. Thanks for saying to give myself time. I'm 10 months in with the NC letter contact and nearly another slip up, but I am taking things slow. I saw others in the family that never did escape and who were destroyed. I am glad I was not one of them. I thought to myself as I went NC, I want dignity and respect. That is the message I tell myself to maintain it. Thanks Tundra Woman :)Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com