tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6502894784421333912024-03-18T20:14:36.277-07:00Five Hundred Pound PeepThe Life and Times of a 500 Pound Woman.Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comBlogger2200125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-23623456978409883052024-03-11T11:24:00.000-07:002024-03-11T11:40:03.922-07:00RIP Garrison Brown<p> </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj7brCK2_z7n5OPE24CLLvbfkc2MQ0o9RgcPJ03C5bNvFR3kTpa54Vm5gnnyNZIifqMNh1sBfnPppDedooAM36sKoM6MO6TBASBPxUgKqHPbTETItFytRuTxfZjXz-4KvARdLkkKHKwa8HTzrmad9nvW-aCM64BlEt2TWvTYZ6SK_KwfrR9oQboVMiC0f_d" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="799" data-original-width="834" height="382" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj7brCK2_z7n5OPE24CLLvbfkc2MQ0o9RgcPJ03C5bNvFR3kTpa54Vm5gnnyNZIifqMNh1sBfnPppDedooAM36sKoM6MO6TBASBPxUgKqHPbTETItFytRuTxfZjXz-4KvARdLkkKHKwa8HTzrmad9nvW-aCM64BlEt2TWvTYZ6SK_KwfrR9oQboVMiC0f_d=w400-h382" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>Trigger warning on this one...........</p><p><br />Sister Wives is a show I've watched for years. I watched it when it began and have continued to watch it. I always saw polygamy as an ill-fated path in life to take. The family was going to break apart the day they left the AUB community and entered the regular modern world. The worse has now happened. <a href="https://people.com/sister-wives-garrison-brown-dead-8604813">Garrison [Robert] Brown, only 25 years old has committed suicide. </a></p><p>Reality TV isn't good to those in it. Some have felt feelings of guilt even watching this show and I understood. When you see someone young and full of life come to an end like this, how much did the reality TV show damage their life? For years on message boards dealing with the show, many people got concerned about how abusive Kody Brown was both to his ex-wives and adult children. When the show was new, Kody Brown seemed to be a lot happier fellow. The darkness built up over the years, he got angrier and meaner especially with the introduction of his 4th very manipulative wife Robyn. Many people theorized that Kody Brown was a malignant narcissist or had some other personality disorder problems. I agreed with those theories. He showed extreme selfishness, coldness and other very negative traits. <br /><br />Some of the poison obviously is inherited issues from a misogynist cult with a history of treating young men like "lost boys". Kody probably passed on some treatment he received at the hands of his own father but this does not excuse it. He treated his adult kids especially the sons very poorly. Oddly when they were young, Kody seemed to be a loving father who was there for them, perhaps making this even more painful.<br /><br /> There was one show <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6BmyA_zJzA">where Garrison's brother Garbriel cries </a>because of Kody forgetting his birthday. Kody used arguments about Covid protocols to start banning his sons from his life and cutting them off. What kind of man calls his sons jerks on national TV? Surely this impacted Garrison and his siblings. The "divorces" and breakup of three plural marriages was followed on the show for years too.<br /><br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/jlMsKqpAzhc" width="320" youtube-src-id="jlMsKqpAzhc"></iframe></p><p>Now Garrison had other problems, that have been described with drinking and relationship issues but its easy to ask how malignant narcissism or abuse from his father impacted his life leading to this fateful decision. It is alarming to see how these things have come out. <a href="https://www.etonline.com/sister-wives-star-christine-brown-remembers-garrison-with-a-sweet-video-well-miss-him-forever">He was a very kind young man who built his autistic half-sister a garden.</a> His mother Janelle, Christine and siblings loved him and you could tell he loved them. The damage that abusers can do is insurmountable.<br /><br /> Some people wrote they hope this would wake Kody up, and he would reconcile with his other kids on message boards. I think the reaction will tell us how far on the personality disordered spectrum Kody is. <br /><br />Watching this show and remembering how he was talked about and treated was very sad. I fear for his siblings too, especially Gabriel and others who bore the brunt of abuse, the extreme pressures of fame, and stresses from the reality show world. <a href="https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/tv/story/2024-03-06/garrison-brown-dead-sister-wives-kody-brown-janelle-brow-tlc">Garrison supposedly wrote some TLC employees prompting family members to do a wellness check, so his final words even concerned the show. </a></p><p><br /><br /><br /></p>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-28731289168196633502024-03-11T11:00:00.000-07:002024-03-11T11:00:56.611-07:00Strong Souls<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhgVESjifoWcv6akD434hI1X0GnINhqwg-iMLIsmDRRBNdOF3IJA7P9XKK4CdSQepp_Rc3BnhLm6-2l9Mw0Su4F0avE9vZB9-W5Xc2N-_Tbn-Z9fnFuu2l8gvlOvNwDm9orHQ1njym3h6dixUldUscRiXeYxwgOhGJLpnJW0V0aTdtxMzfaFcMnRnfsxhMD" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="513" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhgVESjifoWcv6akD434hI1X0GnINhqwg-iMLIsmDRRBNdOF3IJA7P9XKK4CdSQepp_Rc3BnhLm6-2l9Mw0Su4F0avE9vZB9-W5Xc2N-_Tbn-Z9fnFuu2l8gvlOvNwDm9orHQ1njym3h6dixUldUscRiXeYxwgOhGJLpnJW0V0aTdtxMzfaFcMnRnfsxhMD=w512-h640" width="512" /></a></div><br />Remember years ago when I said <i>"Self sovereignty"</i> was important when it came to recovery from ACON abuse? This meme had me think of that. I think about concepts with religion and psychology all the time, how much is used to tear people down instead of building them up. I even though about how the only way any religious faith will survive in me, is a God of kindness not one ready to tear me to pieces. There are endless philosophies, and false religious rhetoric, that is just meant to tear you down and for others to control and dominate and police you. Think about that. We are in the times where a strong soul is needed more than ever. <p></p>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-52846422378827951212024-03-11T10:44:00.000-07:002024-03-11T10:46:32.318-07:00Running From the Toxic Positive!<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhQLJB3etwPBI7N2s2bqhXKtlB7RLx1rcmODXhNWSoPfg7OOwiPid9sIQNsNhh9q_4EJ20EDTRA-DUckvEschZfqx-K1QLQDlTJAHph_i9b6fsfxzuUFzgq7khwMlGFdpxOKULL82Iah6h44nFcEIPmhYVPfk48vhCwRAfA35E5_4t55mzJ6RfOhNtVsT78" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhQLJB3etwPBI7N2s2bqhXKtlB7RLx1rcmODXhNWSoPfg7OOwiPid9sIQNsNhh9q_4EJ20EDTRA-DUckvEschZfqx-K1QLQDlTJAHph_i9b6fsfxzuUFzgq7khwMlGFdpxOKULL82Iah6h44nFcEIPmhYVPfk48vhCwRAfA35E5_4t55mzJ6RfOhNtVsT78=w400-h400" width="400" /></a></div><p></p><p><i><b>nakedpastor</b></i></p><p><i><b>Poster based in Canada · · </b></i></p><p><i><b>Toxic positivity is a culture in which you are not allowed to have anything but a positive mindset and attitude, no matter how dire or difficult your life is.</b></i></p><p></p><p><i><b>I consider it a dysfunctional way to manage emotions and live your life because it dismisses and even condemns legitimate emotions such as anger and sadness.</b></i><br /><br />Maybe I am a Debbie Downer. I don't care anymore. If I am, I was made this way. if I try to fake it, it doesn't work. That's more likely to send me into crying jags than facing hard cold reality. <br /><br />This friend got me into Russian literature. She said of the books I had recently read<i> Dead Souls </i>and <i>Oblomov</i>, that the Russians are more grim. I laughed and said, <i>"They are more realistic".</i> America is going to collapse with the toxic positivity. They can't deal with or admit or accept reality. Covid is a major case in point. Another friend years ago told me Hungarians were more morose people. She had been there. I said, <i>"Maybe that's where I was meant to be"</i>. I am half Hungarian after all.<br /><br />Some of the "love and light" crowd are scaring me. They are too busy demanding that they themselves wear a mask, and that others do too. They call it growth to keep that smile on one's face and always be "progressing". I have realized while I can be a fine acquaintance with such people any closer friendship will be impossible. Analytical autistics are their automatic enemy. They find us annoying.<br /><br /> I have told myself for the sake of my mental health to avoid them now. Don't argue. Keep things superficial. Don't be a dummy and tell the "authenticity" class naturopath, you wanted to befriend, that the world doesn't want authenticity from autistics. That kind of stuff is for affluent charismatic types who see putting on a purple crystal necklace at their yoga class as the height of quirkiness. <br /><br />They will slap a negative label on you anyway. They are like fundamentalists in their world view and if you cross it, you are in trouble and the "evil" one. </p><p>I don't want to single out the ones unloading toxic positivity, their numbers are legion in the town I live in now. They are mostly friends and acquaintances on Facebook but I have noticed the message is, no matter how bad things are you are to stay positive. This includes everything from going blind, to past abuse, to money problems. No matter how bad it is gets, keep sweet! These people stress me out. They make any depression greater. One is always supposed to step outside of yourself and think of your "brand", "appearance" and "impact". With the lady going blind, I like her and going blind is worse, but there's nothing to celebrate about going deaf. It sucks. I'm not going to go on about its wonders. I can't even have a conversation with my husband in the kitchen anymore.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="433" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/7HOLFQLCFaY" width="405" youtube-src-id="7HOLFQLCFaY"></iframe></div><br />Its like America is one big cult, "keep sweet or you're evil!" Manifest your reality and all that sort of crap. It is spiritual bypassing. As society grows more insane, stupid and banal, the powers that be just want you to shut up about it. The evangelical churches were horrible about this stuff, always policing your emotions. New Agers and the "Love and Light" crowd are just as bad as your hard core fundamentalists. The fundamentalists will tell you, that you are going to hell for not trusting God, the New Agers will say you are manifesting "negativity". It's tiring. In life, you want to be around people you are not on constant eggshells around. These folks worry me. There's too much tone policing. Just getting analytical to them seems an insult, like I'm not talking sharing tears but just breaking something down. <br /><br />One ironic thing about my personality is I show more happiness and laughter around people I feel comfortable around, so it's viewed maybe less? It happens. I think a lot of ACONs learn to guard that, because we know if we are caught smiling or liking something, the narcissist is going to swoop in like a bird of prey and nip that in the bud. I love stamp collecting. I even have dreams about being a stamp dealer and owning huge books of postage stamps. Anyhow, my mother once even mocked that and told me once <i>"Collecting stamps is stupid!" </i>Well at least some stamps appreciate in value instead of armies of ceramic snowmen that end up in the trash can or in the thrift bin after they go out of "style".<br /><br />Get me some complainers. At least around them I could be real. One of my friend said some cultures are more "complainer" cultures in European countries, I said,<i> "That sounds better to me!"</i> Now even I don't want people who never take action, but all this censorship and bypassing is getting on my last nerve. <br /><div><br />I've posted on this topic before so check out those posts. It is ironic to me as the world implodes to dystopia we are all supposed to smile even more. Guess it should not surprise me. They don't want anyone rebelling and asking why do we have to live in the street now among all these empty houses?<br /><br />Anyhow I'm tired of rich people telling me I'm not grateful enough and others who expect constant mask-wearing. I don't want the religious telling me what to think and feel and I don't want the gurus, and "love and light" ones telling me either. I'm done with people telling me what to say and feel. At this age, I'm not going to be who they want anyway. Forget it. Goodbye to all gurus, pastors, priests, and spiritual types telling me who to be and policing my thoughts and the thoughts of others. </div><div><br /><a href="https://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/search?q=toxic+positivity">Other posts on Fivehundredpoundpeep about Toxic Positivity</a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-40625842822615573542024-03-11T09:44:00.000-07:002024-03-11T11:48:07.975-07:00Conversation I had with Husband about Religion<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiZQFmDwmToVFOAxxiuBZF3rdwXdNj-Q0GylIO7f4c4BI134IZz1SvyQHwtRcJrfl5-E97WafHoTJlS3OXf3ii-n9SKvbCDjqEnGZUHrf3mWaHXCzvrBA1J_uu4xeVQLe2E_hrWoo1it7pybjxLtkRquVYoUUtVvtU-WSenQ3z2H5roDmf18_Wj9xRtlBM/s1097/pastor.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1097" data-original-width="843" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiZQFmDwmToVFOAxxiuBZF3rdwXdNj-Q0GylIO7f4c4BI134IZz1SvyQHwtRcJrfl5-E97WafHoTJlS3OXf3ii-n9SKvbCDjqEnGZUHrf3mWaHXCzvrBA1J_uu4xeVQLe2E_hrWoo1it7pybjxLtkRquVYoUUtVvtU-WSenQ3z2H5roDmf18_Wj9xRtlBM/w305-h320/pastor.jpg" width="305" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></div><br />I told my husband,<i> "You know those people who get married 6 or 7 times, and always divorce, that's me and religion.</i> I laughed and said,<i> "I should have just picked one and stuck with it".</i> He didn't disagree. I've joked before about visiting the religious shopping mall and choosing different religions. I don't want to return to the evangelical world. There's too much baggage. There were too many oily pastors that reminded me of crooked used car salesmen. They were out for your money. It's probably not an accident the only sincere pastor I had, [in my first IFB church] left the pastorship to become a truck driver. He's still a Christian but I can understand why he is done with the whole mess. He was tired of the corruption of organized religion and wrote about that on a blog.<div><br /></div><div>My discussion with two close friends of mine was interesting, I said, <i>"I messed religion up, I've been so many of them." </i>My special autistic interest was religion, and added some facts about Mormonism to Gnosticism. They were surprised how deep into religions I went. </div><div><br />I sometimes joke too, "Church costs money", if you don't have any don't bother showing up. I always wish there was a church for poor people where one could share resources with each other. Some churches do share with their members, my long ago church with the sincere pastor, we had a food pantry we were welcome to all take food out of when we needed it. The UUs helped my husband who is still a member there. <br /><br />I still like Jesus's teachings, but I don't even know what church I would fit in now. I still post on some fifth principle UU boards on Facebook. Some of those, the people left like me, some found new church homes in liberal Christianity or other churches. They question the direction the modern left has taken and post articles about how young people are being harmed by the trans movement. <br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg68ZDYohItE-Ym-J7nEJHHhkE2WwYVgehjTjCJK9vxKwPMiCo1wlZpBAlSet1MotCp59m-6HlRs9KodT90mFp9h2QuV8Edx8jXoEs3wEFo0a-GgS6uk11HNEK1P8Xjigq4yHmKJ7zzSt8S04TkEZAM9dk-h4JT4RzOsYtQK7lW8YbmQoI15FSk4g-VyHjF" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="470" data-original-width="564" height="333" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg68ZDYohItE-Ym-J7nEJHHhkE2WwYVgehjTjCJK9vxKwPMiCo1wlZpBAlSet1MotCp59m-6HlRs9KodT90mFp9h2QuV8Edx8jXoEs3wEFo0a-GgS6uk11HNEK1P8Xjigq4yHmKJ7zzSt8S04TkEZAM9dk-h4JT4RzOsYtQK7lW8YbmQoI15FSk4g-VyHjF=w400-h333" width="400" /></a></div><br />Add the evangelical preachers in their 3 piece suits to this picture too. <br /><br />It seems impossible to find a church that hasn't gone globalist bowing before Klaus Schwab, or extreme "woke" or one that isn't Dominionist. Being against both of those things there's nowhere to go to church. Sometimes I think socially I need to just suck it up, and choose something, because I am so used to meeting people at church. I've tried to remind myself other people manage without church, you have your art club and when you move you can find other groups and hobbies to meet people.<br /><br />With religious issues, I hit a wall, no longer wanting any hoops to be told to jump through. My beliefs from one of the most complicated religious histories of any human on earth, are probably a mish-mash, that would confuse most people. Most people don't know what Christian Universalism is. I can't go to a lot of churches as they fly the Israeli flag and preach war. I think blowing up tens of thousands of kids is evil.</div><div><br /></div><div>Most organized religion is run by the elites and used for social control and pushing the status quo.<a href="https://www.naturalnews.com/2024-03-08-christian-pastors-coerced-congregants-covid-vaccines-faith4vaccines.html"> Most of the churches all jumped on the Covid vaxx train. </a>This wasn't just the UUs but plenty of Christian churches. </div><div><br /><br /><br /> <p></p></div>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-3202551918940208292024-02-21T16:42:00.000-08:002024-02-21T16:45:37.273-08:00Things Just Never were the Same Again<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhSClE-Bc3M44jPjwqpskcREuT77KS369gO51A1r_o7s6ghtA47-TloBfr5PXvTl-fcsulGHsI4noZnI3LIrZa0Pnhx6LW9swaUR4INgjIu5ZoGKxsUyaQ0hW2WTF_W1bTFN5F90W3QcyKJNCj_PAUK5JqnU8_Ds_6mgjpRqUIu1Us9MGNqHo2nDWThcWbw" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="667" data-original-width="1080" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhSClE-Bc3M44jPjwqpskcREuT77KS369gO51A1r_o7s6ghtA47-TloBfr5PXvTl-fcsulGHsI4noZnI3LIrZa0Pnhx6LW9swaUR4INgjIu5ZoGKxsUyaQ0hW2WTF_W1bTFN5F90W3QcyKJNCj_PAUK5JqnU8_Ds_6mgjpRqUIu1Us9MGNqHo2nDWThcWbw=w400-h248" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><br /></div> I did start opening up more to some people and telling them, how I believed. The term I use is medical freedom. <br /><br />Two years ago, many people who refused the clot juice were traumatized, having their jobs put at risk and more for refusing and many were fired. I had conversations with my husband about "going into hiding" if they ever were going to force it on us and I still have the rare nightmare even now.<br /><br />Some say it's time to move on, but intuition tells me it's not over. It's hard to explain. They keep mentioning Disease X, and I think all of this was a practice run for further tyranny. They are still building mRNA factories, even though much of the populace by now, if they are being honest with themselves admits the garbage does not work and is harmful. Sometimes I think we are in the lull before the storm.<br /><br /> I've been living normal now since Oct. No more masks, no more isolation, I have had a few friends over. I haven't caught anything. I take a lot of supplements still. <div><br /></div><div> Everyone I know is sick from the vaxxes. My husband and I are still wary of some vaxxed groups because they keep getting sick over and over. No one wants to catch even "regular" problems. Some of Dr. Bhakdi's warnings about other illnesses bursting out from the immune system destroying vaxxes are true. A friend of a friend got Whooping Cough on Facebook. Young healthier people then me, keep getting sick every 4-6 weeks with RSV, pneumonia, and colds that won't quit. I think a lot of people are depressed now, knowing that taking that stuff was a really bad idea and some online under anonymous names express their regret. Some friends are regretters so they are out there.<br /><br />Socially things are being affected now by the lack of money, and life priorities switching to survival, all those food banks, and helping husband job hunt, take up time. I still feel lighter when I go to smaller towns to hang out. I went to an art activity recently that was fun. The atmosphere in the town I live in just never recovered. I wrote about all the closing places in my second to last article. <br /><br />Sometimes I look forward quite a bit to a "new beginning" and am planning out a move. I've done this before in life where a place and circumstances weren't working for me and did what I could to change it. Even with poverty we dug ourselves out in this marriage at least 2-3 times. Some people never escape it so that's something. Society has become more evil. Instead of changing things for the better, the corrupt we have in charge, interfered with all our lives. Years I couldn't spare, were affected. I made some errors, believing too much of the hype and isolating myself too extremely. Other disabled people were in that quandry too. Ralph Baric never saw a prison cell, but maybe that was all lies too, who knows. <div><br />I believe there's going to be ramifications for what they did for years. Cancer is increasing and autoimmune diseases. The next generation for those who can have children will be affected. The children who had that experiment forced on them, will not have normal health.<br /><br />I hope people don't forget how far they took things, and what Biden did and could do again. Both parties are betraying us. Project 25 scares me, I still don't like Trump, and the Democrat love of tyranny scares me too:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjU31RLlFfxf80cB9JFVgBTLyXrQpf6iz_Xqvlaox6Yt0MizWeXhGj_CR97nVda6OuAJcBr-SnVWhLsElLJmW_RrA7QzNWxxXIJl8is7e-R8EnfnHqvOZGdQDtJ3D-75DVwihLlnZMO09_We4ByJOqHvF_xK9YMReqCVX9TuvuUMpp0IujQUWZViR5smqVJ" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="802" data-original-width="1440" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjU31RLlFfxf80cB9JFVgBTLyXrQpf6iz_Xqvlaox6Yt0MizWeXhGj_CR97nVda6OuAJcBr-SnVWhLsElLJmW_RrA7QzNWxxXIJl8is7e-R8EnfnHqvOZGdQDtJ3D-75DVwihLlnZMO09_We4ByJOqHvF_xK9YMReqCVX9TuvuUMpp0IujQUWZViR5smqVJ" width="320" /></a></div><br />Thank goodness this was stopped. Its unforgiveable too. Many are afraid for all their friends who took that stuff. I feared it even being forced on the disabled to get our Social Security. This is the reason I can never vote for Biden. <br /><br /> I don't think I will ever understand why and how people accepted all this and embraced it. I understand to a point the fear, fearing dying, resiliency was denied and fear promoted. I don't think the economic pressures are an accident now, as anyone can notice the older we get, the more this place sacrifices all ideas of freedom and improving lives and everything is done for a small 1% to gain absolute power.<br /><br />Hopefully more are waking up. Sadly, too many still haven't.<br /><br /><a href="https://twitter.com/ChildrensHD/status/1760424769399181415">Turbo-cancer</a></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://gab.com/CovidBC">People are still losing their lives to the vaxx</a><br /><br /></div></div>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-29399537520591347622024-02-21T15:58:00.000-08:002024-02-21T16:47:11.492-08:00The Point You Arrive At:<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjXiMqIWT7LfJJ8dvutxkIDFJuHCAEikuS3Gx_imcQ-neAnxLcYmI5Jr-JSSwmYHWhHYr0te-MAYQc0Yc7WFZXncDqQjjvXViHOGUzGJCEYsnKwSuFV8LhuomAkKatdAgtM__tb2qB7lGpFwPl0QJiLtc1wXkTk60Mhb21vwksPpGgZKuWiSwvDYu8a9BPD" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="843" data-original-width="843" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjXiMqIWT7LfJJ8dvutxkIDFJuHCAEikuS3Gx_imcQ-neAnxLcYmI5Jr-JSSwmYHWhHYr0te-MAYQc0Yc7WFZXncDqQjjvXViHOGUzGJCEYsnKwSuFV8LhuomAkKatdAgtM__tb2qB7lGpFwPl0QJiLtc1wXkTk60Mhb21vwksPpGgZKuWiSwvDYu8a9BPD=w400-h400" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This is a pretty good meme. Well it says it all, "They are just not enough for you". I realized my intense disappointment a few years ago, that's something that may take some time. </div></blockquote></div><br /><p></p>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-81597455157582512132024-02-18T14:03:00.000-08:002024-02-18T14:30:30.836-08:00The Poverty Saga Worsens<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhuQaZjkBRoSOGV-MxEg9MIdkC_CuEkJYve8RpD2zfmuEYhi4B-VlbfPTXZSCDbG8V4x2CmQMBmnX-dSxwPniT9HgPi7GOy_TJrz4d4doAXIkkBRIrj1jTbm4T_NGUEpvS-tjjsFYlmlL_lF9zwUSmT0kEydtmIfVfE44_dmpC-fWAwNbzYxiv2OiI2MmnS" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1065" data-original-width="828" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhuQaZjkBRoSOGV-MxEg9MIdkC_CuEkJYve8RpD2zfmuEYhi4B-VlbfPTXZSCDbG8V4x2CmQMBmnX-dSxwPniT9HgPi7GOy_TJrz4d4doAXIkkBRIrj1jTbm4T_NGUEpvS-tjjsFYlmlL_lF9zwUSmT0kEydtmIfVfE44_dmpC-fWAwNbzYxiv2OiI2MmnS=w312-h400" width="312" /></a></div><br /><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"> </span></div><p>I'm doing ebay today. It's pin money but better to have the 5 bucks for gas to get across the street. Fat Pat is done, but until I get 60 dollars to coil the first 10 copies, there is still a bit of a delay. One often has to spend money to make money. Hopefully it will be done soon. One part of being broke, is it takes money to get things done. </p><p>My light bill is overdue. It was cold last month so it was higher. I'm working out a payment plan. In the winter it can go up to 250 dollars month or more. Well I can still be okay if I get my disability apartment. Once I am set up there, I can have life become more stable. After I post this I am going to go clean my apartment, it's harder to keep things nice with no money. I am going to have him do laundry and I am going to box more crap up. We have carted at least 30 boxes out to thrift in the last few months.<br /><br /> I am on a housing list, and it's a good place. We called to find out where I am on the list, there may still be a bit of a wait. We have to decide whether to stay here in the next several weeks or go into some type of temporary housing. Moving twice anyhow seems insane, especially since we will need friends help to move.<a href="https://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2024/01/your-housekeeping-sucks-really-white.html"> We did pass the "cleaning" inspection from the other month. </a>I estimate the wait to be 3-9 months, I do know the number of people ahead of me. It could be longer. <br /><br />I am dying of embarrassment too because my shoes are old and some Birkenstocks I saved from Trump money times, don't fit. I've lost a little weight since last year but my feet seem to be growing. My walker is covered in duct tape. I haven't bought a piece of new clothing since 2020. Everything is frayed. I still am stuck with a broken down couch. One charity place claimed to have some furniture but when my husband picked something, they said, <i>"oh that is exempted"</i>, there was nothing else available. I never could afford the hearing aids, but my new ear doctor since my old one retired told me, they probably wouldn't help much anyway. Both are good doctors so I trust what they are saying. <br /><br />There's always that worry that I will end up homeless and my family will find out. They will see me on the sidewalk and laugh. My mother is probably enjoying her meals out, new clothes and second vacation home right now, yeah that's right, she owns two houses. Every time I saw that woman she had a new outfit on when I was in contact. <a href="https://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2016/08/mrs-curses-spiritual-abuser.html">Maybe the deliverance minister was right,</a> my mother did curse me with poverty. It always comes back to knock on our door. It makes you feel weird about life. <br /><br />She swims in money while I suffer. The social workers don't help people like normal people think they do. This life has taught me, no Calvary is coming. It is easy to fall off the cliff. Those who never have wailed in the street with everything being lost, never want to see that day. I did in Chicago.<br /><br /> I am thankful for good friends who have helped. We are very fortunate in that regard.</p><p>I don't expect the "system" to do anything for me. Sadly a person will struggle emotionally inside more and more for always being the one in need. Social workers always have said "no" to me my entire life except for getting some food and a few thrift items like old silverware and pots. There's never clothes in either of our sizes to find in thrift stores. I guess fat people hold on to their clothes until they are rags.<br /><br /> I joked about group homes and us going into one for my husband but we heard horror stories about those places from people in our mental health peer group that is now defunct. We would need the place for physical and other problems but several people we knew spent time in group homes. Someone on reddit suggested to me,<i> "you are not managing your life, maybe it would be a good idea". </i>I know I may need one if I am ever in this world alone. Today I will work on this blog, help put more ebay up, nebulize lungs, do my leg machine, wrap my legs, clean out this one box, cook some lunch, cook some dinner, check on appointments for the week, and read this Russian novel <i>"Dead Souls"</i>. I'm not living a lifestyle that should bring destitution and despair. </p><p>Why can't my husband get a decent job instead of gig work, and piece meal stuff? I have begged for work for him all over. Today I was asking a friend for ideas about a job, and they mentioned a phone company that hires customer service, he then goes on the website and it's nothing but extreme specialized technical work. It's like that all over. I read the job ads and don't even understand half of them. The algorithims toss everyone out. I did write back to clarify where does one find the link to do regular customer service. <br /><br />People can see evidence of his work online, [the endless newspaper work]. He got more freelance work, but it's barely going to cover the bills. He told me yesterday to be patient that this newspaper is giving him work, but why wouldn't I worry? He desperately needs new clothes. He works all the time, that's the sad thing but it's for so little. I've helped him with job hunting. The job ads on Indeed are a joke. I think there's a lot of jobs that are advertised for that really don't exist. He applied for some and never heard anything back. </p><p>We have to move into disabled housing even for his protection. I don't want him to end up homeless if something happens to me. He can go on Social Security in a few years too. I know his problems affected the career, this includes physical health problems and Autistic traits. There seemed to be a dynamic going where he ended up with abusive bosses way too easily, he had a couple decent ones--one at a newspaper that sadly had economic problems, the boss there was nice. He ended up scraping for crumbs after that ad agency fired him in 2007. </p><p>I know this other autistic man in town, this guy has moved into local disabled HUD housing and had to go on welfare. We are friends on Facebook. His career track record was full of even more hardship and lay-offs. <i>"you're not a good fit"</i>, is what they tell autistic people all the time or you end up working for exploitive jerks who pay as little as possible. This guy loved to work, and always showed up on time but you could tell he was being ousted out because he was different. My husband's recent freelance boss, had a homeless employee, who lived in the back room of some retail store. I said there's a theme there, when someone is hiring the desperate. </p><p>One recent mind-screw lately are all these more well-off liberals claiming the economy is doing just fine. I don't think so. It may be great for the investor class but not anyone else. The haves maybe are rising even more as the greater number of have-nots are being crushed. I've even heard some defend the billions being sent overseas for "perpetual war".</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhcsRqKsNwYS04BDvJ4G6qbnRZL89V6ehamvtXOVikUsCFkAZ6TPAx9dNwdBwrN0CcN-1Cwao8KD3xgcsK9hEOJg7QJQjkbed59OFMzc7337wCO--0v5oYOVslJIVo0PVv_Agxm2dp7VmAi4jUQ-mnu8Z_y0b-QlaYc3MtT-XJfgjb6l4VZnOQAtnd5qsJ2" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="586" data-original-width="733" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhcsRqKsNwYS04BDvJ4G6qbnRZL89V6ehamvtXOVikUsCFkAZ6TPAx9dNwdBwrN0CcN-1Cwao8KD3xgcsK9hEOJg7QJQjkbed59OFMzc7337wCO--0v5oYOVslJIVo0PVv_Agxm2dp7VmAi4jUQ-mnu8Z_y0b-QlaYc3MtT-XJfgjb6l4VZnOQAtnd5qsJ2=w400-h320" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p>The working class as a whole has been abandoned by the elitist left, they don't care. They only care about their virtue signaling identity politics and <a href="https://www.robkhenderson.com/p/status-symbols-and-the-struggle-for?fbclid=IwAR352JKq8uqHtLh_T6bElYOkO3Pyxpk545bo-fl1flp0WrfbQg2zPa1esz0">luxury beliefs.</a> Many Democrats don't get that Biden is going to lose because the economy is so bad. No one cares about the discrimination that happens when you don't have enough of the "green". I'm tired of rich liberals who go on about<i> "white supremacy"</i> ignoring the existence of poor white people. People of all colors are hitting the wall financially now. Oddly to many rich liberals, there's no such thing as poor white people. And people wonder why so much of the working class runs to Trump? [which I think is a bad idea too, but at least they are told they exist]<br /><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjY8EhsgvTG8gvX-vn98JiCZ_sGbpdhWwRP8a7aWLLOA6rcmGFlY_NTUpiDIkuTM6GP2Mc7Yc19Y0ND_TvB9UawXNjPP4wAW-K5l5xMRsnyTHfvtPT0m7p3D4VhqbSCfvin2MfCjsfWCDy-q-9WAyHb_gLp3ksvVEQWr2dDCwQiJdWF5NBtDYRPqybYHKxG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="404" data-original-width="325" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjY8EhsgvTG8gvX-vn98JiCZ_sGbpdhWwRP8a7aWLLOA6rcmGFlY_NTUpiDIkuTM6GP2Mc7Yc19Y0ND_TvB9UawXNjPP4wAW-K5l5xMRsnyTHfvtPT0m7p3D4VhqbSCfvin2MfCjsfWCDy-q-9WAyHb_gLp3ksvVEQWr2dDCwQiJdWF5NBtDYRPqybYHKxG=w322-h400" width="322" /></a></div><br /><a href="https://www.politifact.com/factchecks/2016/mar/07/bernie-sanders/bernie-sanders-wrong-say-when-youre-white-you-dont/">He actually said it, Sheesh.</a><p></p><p>They do all this crap anyway because if people of all colors united, they'd start questioning the 1 percent and how they are hoarding all the wealthy and oppressing everyone. Bernie was such a let down.<br /> I have to leave town to find a decent senior disabled apartment. We are going to have to start over soon. I'm fine with it, but having to move so much is not easy on one's life. I know enough people here to run into people I know all the time. I will miss that.<br /><br /> My husband still goes to the UU, his views are more in line with theirs. I do miss some things there, there's some good things I remember so I'm not going to give him a hard time. He used to go to Baptist church with me. </p><p>Thank goodness<a href="https://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2023/07/housing-issues-trying-to-choose-where.html"> I got us on the disabled/senior housing list</a>. It was hard to find one that allowed more moderate income but I did. If we moved into HUD, my husband wouldn't be allowed to make more than 11,000 a year, he could "make too much" even being on full Social Security. Why do they make it so hard on married people? The system has so many crazy rules like that. There's some hope in going into there. Even if things got bad enough where we were only living on my income, we could survive there. He plans to keep working and doing his gig work there too of course. </p><p>Do people in America starve to death or freeze to death? Sure they do. No one realizes this. I have known homeless people I met online and talked to, and some were disabled. This one lady in a wheelchair, who had EDS, they told her she had to go a mile to eat at one homeless shelter. No one cares if you can barely breath, 10 degrees or not, you're outside. There's a lot of people living really horribly now and it's getting worse. If you are in the disabled community, you will hear nightmare stories. Many people on SSI, live in the streets or very cheap rental rooms because SSI is so little money. I know from my past how bad things can get, and everyone who is a long time reader knows why Peep is so upset about money or poverty problems. Money or lack there of grinds my gears. My crazy family taught me all the worse about money. They were willing to sacrifice everything for money and did. They won't tell you this on the news but homeless is exploding. I already know people living in hotel rooms on Facebook. One lady did get a job, so hopefully she can claw her way out. </p><p> Imagine if I get thrown into the streets, well SSDI should at least afford a rental room as long as the government is standing, but lets say I do. They don't rescue the disabled either. I've known disabled people rolled out in their wheelchair from the homeless shelter being told they have to be out all day, in 10 degrees. The other day I was in a food pantry car line, and there was this veteran in front of me, he had <i>"Disabled Veteran"</i> on his license plate and a Vietnam Veteran sticker. That tells you how messed up this country is, go risk your life and then end up in poverty. Well everyone deserves a home and a life. They say recruitment for the military is down, maybe the young don't want to die for the new world order or for wars that just bankrupt their hometowns anymore. If you are going to end up living in a tent or messed up from PTSD, what's the use?<br /><br />Yesterday I was going to sign up myself for lunch at the local Senior Center. They told me their food program is managed by Meals on Wheels and you have to be 60. So I am not allowed to eat lunch with my husband who is older. How does that make any sense? He won't eat lunch without me anyway. I had older friends warn me on Facebook, <i>"Meals on Wheels food sucks! It's bland."</i> One said, <i>"I wouldn't feed it to my dog!".</i> Some people told me on the other hand, their Meals on Wheels food isn't that bad. I'm tired of these constant barriers. <br /><br />It's scary how the charities have turned into monopolies, why does this one organization control all the food for the elderly in the whole nation? They are stingy. We have been low on groceries, so this is even more annoying. The Senior Center seemed weird, the place was quiet as a tomb. I probably will still try some activities there but there was a strange vibe. I went to this Senior Center several times in another small town, that was friendly, they offered me cookies [turned those down because of thrush] and drinks. <br /><br />In this body I need stability, decent food, some social contact, medicine, supplements, peaceful place to sleep to stay alive, all of that is at risk. Liberals don't care about the poor. The elitist Democratic party goes on about the pronouns and other bull-crap. Biden claims the economy is doing well as the prices have skyrocketed. Hillary Clinton even crowed about how wonderful the economy is doing. Are these people high? No, they are just psychopathic liars. Sometimes I think the elite have already chosen to put Trump back in, otherwise why would they be lying to a country of pissed off people about the economy that is now crushing them? Are presidents selected not elected?<br /><br />The "strong Biden economy"---what an utter joke!</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhEnljpD0r5_iV9ft7ntLHSPreiPkY9z8TGIHxDYJOHWtAPysQQXUpw4OSImVYl3MiiQpyWF4fW3sWbBTZAKooXJZyWfZy34tSpfamW28ZgdLzNqcizVXji5FX8OlHZt8KfRu_BabBS2gMPwIaBdGMl7St-UOIV-XdvOXyBhgqLqfqc0pGH1ZHHA9bkBmGW" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="731" data-original-width="853" height="343" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhEnljpD0r5_iV9ft7ntLHSPreiPkY9z8TGIHxDYJOHWtAPysQQXUpw4OSImVYl3MiiQpyWF4fW3sWbBTZAKooXJZyWfZy34tSpfamW28ZgdLzNqcizVXji5FX8OlHZt8KfRu_BabBS2gMPwIaBdGMl7St-UOIV-XdvOXyBhgqLqfqc0pGH1ZHHA9bkBmGW=w400-h343" width="400" /></a></div><br />My husband is still a Democrat, which may surprise some here. He wants me to vote for Biden stating that Trump is going to deport him [he is a birthright citizen] and my disability is going to be cut away. Sadly Republicans are jerks about social safety nets so can't argue with that but I can't vote for the guy who wanted to force clot shots on me. <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/aug/02/robert-f-kennedy-jr-republican-donor-super-pac">He told me RFK is being financed by a billionaire MAGA supporter named Mellon. </a>That did bug me because I looked it up. RFK is the only one calling out the Covid lies and corruption. I don't know who I am going to vote for, it won't be Biden or Trump but I find politics disenchanting beyond belief now.<p></p><p>The Republican party wants to erase all social safety nets. They don't give a damn either. No one represents the poor and working class. I may not even vote except local races, it's a given they will let us down now. Kennedy, is one I would have maybe voted for, even though I worry he is another Bernie/Jill Stein sheep dog, to get whatever globalist creep they want in. [Maybe Newsome OR Trump]<br /><br /></p><p> Even with the ebay, I was helping, photographing and puting stuff up. The shipping costs have squashed me, why did it cost 5.50 to mail costume jewelry earrings that weigh less than three ounces? We have to mail out some stamps today we sold for 5 bucks. Yesterday I was helping husband with ebay, photographing comics. I have to sell off my own material possessions to survive, and there's not that many of them.</p><p>Sometimes I think stoicism is the only pathway out in dealing with poverty. I already been down the almost have a nervous break down highway. I joke if the worse happens, at least I won't have to pay all these bills. I've been working to clean things out, I don't know how long I will be living here, but the plans are to move, and we are basically "starting over" again. I know some things are still up in the air, but I have wanted to make some changes. Things were working before Covid and now, a lot has changed.<br /><br />A friend and I were talking about religion, I told her I left fundamentalism and churches, but still believe in God and Jesus. I don't plan a return to the evangelical world. Class differences were there for me too. When I talk to fellow poor people most of us cleared out of the churches, we couldn't afford them and most of us got judgment. The UUs were nicer at least when it came to that stuff. I run into those stories all the time, where people were told if they prayed and worked hard, their lives of poverty would change. Sure some who are able to conquer substance abuse or get away from toxic people are able to change the socio-economic equation, but many don't who didn't face those problems.<br /><br /> Some of my religious views are very different. I think the church system abandoned Christ's teachings long ago and still question hell. Why should we trust the Council of Nicaea when Constantine ran it? She said she went to church too but quit and that she hates churches. I said churches are for the rich. She agreed. We then discussed prayer, she mentioned how she would pay to God all the time about her money problems and they never changed. I said,<i> "This is true of me!"</i>. I said, <i>"Maybe prayer is not for this life but the next. I know that's a strange theory I have."</i> Jesus Christ had no money. The evangelical churches when they tell people the money will be there if they just pray for it, have got it wrong. I think all churches in America, have a slight bit of the prosperity gospel going. Some of the spiritual in USA society says getting the money means selling your soul a lot of the time. Some people become rich being good people but it seems certain personalities do rise up here. <br /><br />I wish there were churches for poor people out there, we could meet in a simple setting, read the bible, have some lectures, have some discussions about life, some meals and recreation--no pastors, and help each other. Maybe the Hutterites got it the most right. I wish I had found out about them when I was a lot younger. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/@gisellewaldner9406">Their life seems a lot nicer to me.</a></p><p>Its ironic some years ago, I dragged us off to a counselor because I felt we both were failing in life and not functioning. She concluded that we were "trying our best". That's kind of funny to think about now. <br /><br />Someone wrote on Reddit, <b style="font-style: italic;">"Being poor is being told the world doesn't want you". </b><br /><br />We have been trying to sell everything but the kitchen sink, to stay afloat, but it's very small amounts of money. Everyday I wake up thinking,<i> "What can we sell?"</i> I even sold a starving artist painting I had to get 40 bucks for groceries. It's a bit insane. I've started selling off bits of my stamp collection. It's not a big money collection, some of those stamp collectors could sell their collections and live off the proceeds for years. It's a few dollars here and there.<br /><br />There are times I consider going begging, I've already asked friends for too much, and writing out the cardboard sign, even if I see people I know, I don't care. My husband doesn't like it when I say stuff like this. Begging is illegal in my richer side of town, most do it by the shopping plazas on the poor side of town. We started seeing more people out there. They look pretty desperate. There's always people down there who will come up and beg you for rides too. I don't think they have money to take the bus that goes down there. I won't do it but I can understand why the begging place is filling with people.<br /><br />I don't expect wealth being disabled, this body has cost me so much. It will be interesting to see if the poverty diet, takes off weight instead of putting it on this time. I haven't gone to the one meal a day plan fearing weight gain like what happened to me during the Chicago era. I've kept to three meals a day. The hunger pain is never ending. However do you think poor people food is that good? It doesn't always taste good. It is rare when I have food, that tastes decent to me. Eggs still do. I miss salads, they cost so much. Some cabbage soup I cooked yesterday was okay. Trying to get enough vegetarian meals in has been very hard. Food is so expensive now it's scary. <br /><br />The food pantries still hand out too many carbohydrates and sugar. The meats are all fatty. Some poor people food is gross and tastes bad. I made myself some eggs and cut up green pepper, with some little pieces cut off this frozen ham lunch meat, a food pantry gave us some weeks ago. That didn't taste too bad at least. I made rice with ground turkey and vegetables, garbanzo bean patties, quesedillas with refried beans, cabbage soup at various meals. It's probably good I know how to cook from scratch. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="292" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/8yszUXWdjHs" width="461" youtube-src-id="8yszUXWdjHs"></iframe></div><br /><p>Supplements from the functional doctor have taken off some weight, and people are remarking I am "looking better" even though I don't feel like it. Having some major nutritional problems dealt with have helped my life. I have to figure out where to find 25 dollars for some mythelated B vitamins. If I could afford the dietary changes he wants, some more positive changes would happen. A good friend bought me some supplements, I was happy for that. We have had other good friends help us with other things too. </p><p><br />My husband says he's going to a job fair next week. Labor shortage? What a joke. I think that's a lie too. We have so many businesses closing here, this town is turning into a ghost town. It's really scary. the regular locals are noticing. Sometimes I catch others who hate the gentrification and catering to second home millionaires too. Another restaurant closed on the corner. I've counted at least 12 restaurants closing. We drive by endless empty buildings. I think all the poor and working class have been priced out of this town so the restaurant people can't get workers and only the rich can afford to eat out. Some of the cheaper take-out places are okay. I wonder if I should move out of state at times, but with no money to travel, moving somewhere sight unseen is a bit more frightening. I've done extensive research on states that have cheap rent. There's one I found where some small towns have apartments that are 400-500 a month in rent. I'm holding out for the disability apartment. I wanted to know towns where my disability check could keep me off the street.</p><p>There's weird rules too with housing, you can break a lease to go into disabled subsidized housing but you must live there at least 13 months, so even as I consider a "gap" apartment or rented room to bridge the time until my subsidized apartment comes up, this rule seems to mean gutting it out here is the best choice, however I don't know how high they are going to raise the rent.<br /><br />Rent and all the prices keep shooting up. Biden is the worse president ever. The worse thing to me is all the gaslighting, as we suffer at the grocery store, these liberals all claim the economy is great and deny our reality. Democratic party at least had Roosevelt, can't imagine a guy like that coming along now who actually plans to stop American suffering. This creep would rather war monger and send billions overseas while gaslighting us about how great the economy is.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhUR1F4INBmx6mPK2HBp_IvkZSiR8mCs0Cv5JgPT7dynQ5Psxd8RxAMIvKGnTssURODC5Q-RBlSkBSaIG9D8JIDY2sRGn3pnbr8ec12IM3sLuE5x37t8bMNhZ9BF7y8NCC3uCa9uel9JYOL5D5_QRdEny38vCv8wPmOrSwUP2jmCcyIVsW7IzYcRe4-zEef" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="720" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhUR1F4INBmx6mPK2HBp_IvkZSiR8mCs0Cv5JgPT7dynQ5Psxd8RxAMIvKGnTssURODC5Q-RBlSkBSaIG9D8JIDY2sRGn3pnbr8ec12IM3sLuE5x37t8bMNhZ9BF7y8NCC3uCa9uel9JYOL5D5_QRdEny38vCv8wPmOrSwUP2jmCcyIVsW7IzYcRe4-zEef=w400-h400" width="400" /></a></div><br />I know some friends and others may vote for Biden to keep Trump out. Politics is so complicated now. I have friends who support Trump too. <br /><br />America has become a scary country. I think this place had some good ideas with Constitution, Bill of Rights, freedom and more, but corruption has ruined this place. Love of money has made us poorer and the culture is in free-fall. You can see new trends the elite are pushing like "shared housing" and other things that will bring them more profit. Other countries and governments while corrupt they at least seem to care about their people a bit, unlike this one that seems out to destroy us. I often wish I had been born into a country where I got to have a heritage or traditions or something to hold on to. I don't think life is that great in America anymore, even if some places are poorer, they have better food and far more community. Some are noticing <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBujNMIMaPM">like this guy,</a> but I don't think Communism is going to fix it either. The elite want their money whatever political system they choose to impose. When life is nothing but a competition factory, social ties die. <br /> <br />The streets are filling with the homeless. We ARE in a Depression. Sure the news isn't talking about it. Even in this rich town, when I go to food pantries where the cars are lined up, it is 4 times the amount of people than from 6-7 years ago, the last time I was using food pantries. Don't delude yourself, or believe CNN's crap or MSMs lies, the economy sucks. They know it works to isolate the poor and bullshit us, otherwise some would probably be out in the streets protesting the rising prices. <br /><br />I feel like the train is heading down the tracks, my eyes are glazed, wondering if it will run me over soon. I am so tired. I have to prevent homelessness no matter what. If I become homeless I will die, I can't even get off the ground like a normal person. My husband is under the gun with a medically fragile wife, who can't just hit the streets and hike from one shelter to the next. He is a good husband who will try and do what he can or find help. They are putting the screws to us both though, people in a vise, they want to squish all the juice [money] out of. My earlier trauma related to poverty has been written about on this blog. I am tried of my husband being overworked, and tired too, always chained to that computer. No vacation in 25 years. It's insane. We didn't ask for much in this world, just a simple apartment, decent food, some community etc. <br /><br />I did talk about us downgrading everything to my husband. Live like Hetty Green, erase the worries but once you escape the roaches, and risk of violent crimes, you don't want to go back. Remote rural places didn't have specialists I needed though I preferred them. Boarding houses always have the rooms upstairs. Sometimes you are too ill to deal with roommates or staying clean enough for people you'd rent a room from, it's a lot of stress. <div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjkbb7PtIc8nhAtaJcC1fvq16r-APvICUt_jHZUf5rR3P3dwVrYmSwulZRnzhUmlvfauHNFBxGePNlNDOzyuSrWIHudG5N9UOndpdhCXroBnFarIARggESRyCsxJjXHbqASLL9MkPhxLnHSkpfB5FfYCPAfufoig_kOobPFGoC9uLoqxS_SPdOqCSEr3uB_" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="564" data-original-width="492" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjkbb7PtIc8nhAtaJcC1fvq16r-APvICUt_jHZUf5rR3P3dwVrYmSwulZRnzhUmlvfauHNFBxGePNlNDOzyuSrWIHudG5N9UOndpdhCXroBnFarIARggESRyCsxJjXHbqASLL9MkPhxLnHSkpfB5FfYCPAfufoig_kOobPFGoC9uLoqxS_SPdOqCSEr3uB_=w348-h400" width="348" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>I did our budget, just a few years ago we could survive on 1900-2000 a month and did. I had written out budgets, I knew the figures. That's not true anymore. The costs are so vast, we have lost even before we got started. I spoke of moving into rental rooms or very cheap areas, but just hit a barrier after another. We ended up staying here for my access to specialists and his own medical care. Maybe that was a bad decision. Sadly my old small town because there is a college there, the rent stayed high, it's around 100-200 below rent here, but not enough for real savings. <br /><br /> Some talk about hard work but then they always seem to have a place to do that. Some did work hard, but then others worked and there was no reward. I think of the newspaper jobs my husband had when I was in my 30s and our future looked a lot brighter. He was an assistant editor at a small-town newspaper and even got the copy ad writer job here that he lost, and then everything came apart. I still never got over that time. The door to any stability was shut for good.<br /></p><p>You think about the lost opportunities and even thinking what I could have done for others. You get tired of always being the one in need. My art show was only possible because my husband had a better contract job by chance during that time. It wasn't huge money but allowed for a little bit of money to have that art show. The lives of others seem like wonderland, I know many show off on Facebook, but they get to make memories, see people and "get things done". I just want to live in peace now, I don't care about being rich or even middle class but this constant feeling of 'being under threat" it needs to be gone. I'm tired of having punishment threatened on endless fronts because there's not enough money. [No electricity for you, you get to go die!] [No compression supplies for you, now your legs will get worse] and now it's [No home, for you because we raised the rent, you get to go die!] There's people worse off threatened with even worse. </p><p> Getting old with no money is scary as hell. How many opportunities have been lost. Even now I think of the health gains I could obtain, via things money could bring. A kind friend got some of my needed supplements. </p><p>Ok I am disabled, I won't be raking it in, but why does it have to be this bad? And it's worse for far more others. I wanted to move to Appalachia and live on nothing and be around other poor people, living in a world you don't fit in is hard. The techno middle class and above world doesn't want us. We don't look the right way, we don't have the right clothes or personalities. My husband works hard, I'm always working on some project.<br /><br />I could be happy being poor but they never seem to leave you alone. Like you are never allowed to just be and be genteel poor, going to the library, doing medical duties, and appointments and resting and maybe a little volunteer work if health allows, but now they just seem like they want to crush us all. It seems never ending. The middle class is noticing all their money is disappearing too. People even making 100,000 a year have told me directly how their rent and medical costs are insane, and every dollar is being plucked out of their pockets. Hey they have more money but I know when you get money in this society, they raise the hoops for you to jump over. </p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi1L_dFL4hozo9s__9lgSNkaOQJzitQWCFcgURtj8wzqLqoosfOLw4k2HKdBblxJ--YOwlhIQhnh0W35C4DiFl21gXJjtEReLQu54it04nVK43AyWgTXRhifge0SOmAnR-jaCJGFylg-qyRRkt1J70R_ueN4E2bqFjw0zpDZkVjyYwBpnfRnJy6R7XoC26r" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1072" data-original-width="1080" height="397" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi1L_dFL4hozo9s__9lgSNkaOQJzitQWCFcgURtj8wzqLqoosfOLw4k2HKdBblxJ--YOwlhIQhnh0W35C4DiFl21gXJjtEReLQu54it04nVK43AyWgTXRhifge0SOmAnR-jaCJGFylg-qyRRkt1J70R_ueN4E2bqFjw0zpDZkVjyYwBpnfRnJy6R7XoC26r=w400-h397" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /><br />Those who grow up poor probably are better off than those who grew up around money. They learn more survival skills I lacked too early. I remember the waste of money in front of me as a child which drives me nuts thinking about it. Do people in America realize how the "great reset" is destroying the quality of our lives, how they are tightening the screws to take everything away from us including community, hobbies, and hope? It's all gone very wrong. Some of us old people remember how things used to be, young people are being denied so many joys of life from this "new" economic system that only rewards the 1 percent. I know loving parents don't want their children to live in poverty when they grow up. What happened to the quality and meaning of life? Human beings were meant to be more than commodities. <p></p><p><br /></p></div>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-49696474947581614852024-01-31T09:02:00.000-08:002024-01-31T10:05:19.411-08:00Says it All: Look These Three Experiments Up....<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgzmS7Snsi_yF8gQUP_XikFray1c7VVp9rlpMiyJZJWd1-a19HegH8D343wsZiIIQ2-Rx6SlV41g7oSG2KUFRmoORJ26hPZWjvY52iO30Nyr9iFPP1q2em43UqHlykqAosvTvhvg-BW7DiGCzYzR5IWS2GistPtPanE9Eg0rYZbczFCnyXBaBJ6kwaFSC9_" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="733" data-original-width="1006" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgzmS7Snsi_yF8gQUP_XikFray1c7VVp9rlpMiyJZJWd1-a19HegH8D343wsZiIIQ2-Rx6SlV41g7oSG2KUFRmoORJ26hPZWjvY52iO30Nyr9iFPP1q2em43UqHlykqAosvTvhvg-BW7DiGCzYzR5IWS2GistPtPanE9Eg0rYZbczFCnyXBaBJ6kwaFSC9_=w400-h291" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-59024450049087433672024-01-16T07:16:00.000-08:002024-01-16T07:16:58.377-08:00Where are the Assanti Brothers Today?<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="322" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Y-0Ek9CJBUg" width="499" youtube-src-id="Y-0Ek9CJBUg"></iframe></div><br /> The Assanti brothers, were two brothers that appeared on My 600lb Life. I wrote about them both years ago on this blog. <a href="https://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2017/04/malignant-narcissism-on-my-600lb-life.html">Malignant Narcissism on My 600lb Life.</a><br /><br />It looks like some things have remained the same for Steven Assanti. He did lose some weight, down to 500lbs from 700lbs but spoke to Dr. Now of continuing difficulties. In the video, he claims he was able to overcome his drug addiction. <br /><br />My theory about Steven Assanti is that he has male Lipedema, his lymphedema is obviously serious. Notice how much thinner he is on the top than on the bottom. He definitely has other problems including food addiction but this is a problem that looks very neglected. This may explain why his weight loss surgery didn't take off more weight.<br /><br />I am frustrated that this problem never seemed to be treated and his legs just grew worse. It was always shocking to me, they never even did the basics of compression therapy for his legs. Dr. Now focused on weight loss it seemed while ignoring his extreme lymphedema problems [no matter their cause]. Sadly his personality disorders are on display especially in the part of the video where he says he will get to focus on sex instead of food when discussing moving in with his new wife to be.<br /><br />Steven says his wife is threatening divorce in this video due to his problems but it seems Stephanie Sanger and him are still married. I looked up his marriage online, and there doesn't seem to be any evidence they have divorced yet. <br /><br />Justin's life seems to have grown and his business running a hobby shop with models and gaming seems to have pulled off. I hope Covid didn't affect his business and it is still running well to this day. He had some weight loss down to the 400s but I don't know if he continued to lose or not. Both brothers definitely have some type of genetic and medical issue influencing things. <div><br /></div><div>Even my own brother got very heavy. I am no contact, but I saw a picture of him some years ago, where his weight was very close to my own. Sadly, my family never listened to me, I told my brother of my own Lipdema diagnosis, before I went fully no contact with him. It's doubtful he ever absorbed or dealt with the information. Before I was no contact, I remember saying "You and your son, show signs of this disorder". <br /><br />Justin seems like a nice person but he definitely has a lot to overcome dealing with his brother's personality disorders and abuse. Justin seems to have gone no contact with his brother, Steven, and I think that is a very wise decision. He should maybe turn an eye to his father, and take a look at that relationship too. The father seemed way too over-eager to make Justin reunite with Steven like a flying monkey. <br /><br />It was rumored online that Steven Assanti had died but he is still alive. <br /><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://www.nickiswift.com/309406/my-600-lb-lifes-steven-assanti-talks-tlc-marriage-and-his-difficult-relationship-with-his-brother-exclusive-interview/">A recent interview with Steven Assanti</a><br /><br /><br /><p></p></div></div>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-34252761736484187212024-01-06T13:43:00.000-08:002024-01-06T13:44:53.463-08:00Things That Have Been Normalized Since Covid19<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhIQQbdROh2BMbyjqjLjt6lZmSABr63CEyRrjOdK3z3kMczjkbI4Df9Yuf3mS3tWrL6VX8o7idNnnvX6twifF7g99tFfAO95xLgawyF08b6jotnsK-CPP0duoQgdBwK47Fgq_sq_TKkn-7Zlg7Taq_w22F5KvUbtiRKJYunJkcM1FEBcoen9cv1grICDcY6" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="900" height="562" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhIQQbdROh2BMbyjqjLjt6lZmSABr63CEyRrjOdK3z3kMczjkbI4Df9Yuf3mS3tWrL6VX8o7idNnnvX6twifF7g99tFfAO95xLgawyF08b6jotnsK-CPP0duoQgdBwK47Fgq_sq_TKkn-7Zlg7Taq_w22F5KvUbtiRKJYunJkcM1FEBcoen9cv1grICDcY6=w518-h562" width="518" /></a></div><br />The world is going downhill fast. What is sad, is very few realize or acknowledge what is going on. I supposed we all have to do our best to personally survive and take care of our loved ones. <p></p>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-30812004255436254102024-01-04T11:11:00.000-08:002024-01-04T11:23:12.572-08:00"Your Housekeeping Sucks!" Really?" White Gloved Apartment Inspections. <p><br /><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiPjCZTNi-5sBu_RX7jn2GECShSJ0FnEr9xHnqgD1s1t7aX6xaaeFXTJZ4ypAsUcTiZz2qZIR07-jNioStv5-dXGhUunn2lNOJWkl8dHC9MT2j9gnRvUKt9Tx5rHPiDz-c8jqIvEDtLX3GBEXpmTEHV1jtb1ahDqaoIFEeHZhdO_ah1GKdslbFffwOtvE51" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="461" data-original-width="958" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiPjCZTNi-5sBu_RX7jn2GECShSJ0FnEr9xHnqgD1s1t7aX6xaaeFXTJZ4ypAsUcTiZz2qZIR07-jNioStv5-dXGhUunn2lNOJWkl8dHC9MT2j9gnRvUKt9Tx5rHPiDz-c8jqIvEDtLX3GBEXpmTEHV1jtb1ahDqaoIFEeHZhdO_ah1GKdslbFffwOtvE51=w421-h243" width="421" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /> <b>Happy New Year to all my readers. </b>The dial flipping over just tells me I need to get a move on. I'm always busy with something. I know <i>Fat Pat</i> got delayed, I'm trying to figure out "coiling" it, after all it is 236 pages long, but hopefully soon, I will be able to sell it electronically and with paper copies as well. There will be a visit to the printer this week. I am glad I got the book done, so I apologize for this delay. I considered just sending it out stapled, but it would look more like a real book this way. Hopefully this will be done in a few weeks.<br /><br />This New Year comes with some feelings of sadness, as this will be <b>the fourth time</b> I and my husband are forced out of a town we have lived in for some time. Everyone knows I left my college town to avoid being homeless. Then I left Chicago to avoid dying in more severe poverty and to survive. Then we were forced to leave the small town I loved [can't go back there now, everyone's gone or deceased and there's very little medical care.] Now it's happening to this place. This is an affluent town full of amenities I stayed for, that is now pushing us out. Even if husband is able to get more work, he's working now, the bills are crushing. <p></p><p>There's no future here as they pluck our pockets. I went to the grocery store two days ago and saw that some<i> "Land of Frost"</i> turkey lunch meat which used to be around 4.99 2 years ago, was now 7.99 and nearly passed out. I'm hoping a housing list will come up soon. I'm trying to change our circumstances. This can't last. The streets WILL fill up with the homeless. I'm surprised they are managing to hide and minimize all the poverty out there. <br /><br />I'm glad I got my art show done last spring and summer. I did sell some art work, and that went well. I also did book illustrations for a local regional author, and we shared a few projects together. I was glad to accomplish some of these goals. I also wrote a series of poems and kept attending a writer's group, I may do a chapbook of those later. We were busy with art projects and zines for some time. I did some art work for husband's zines too. I'd rather be spending more time on that type of stuff, but the housework fiends have their hands around my throat yet again.<br /><br /> Why has my life been like this, always emergency mode? I'm not sure. I have to attend to cleaning this place out, and even today have to get a box and fill it up with books and crap. It's like a bucket out of the ocean. How am I supposed to physically do all this stuff? Oh I called up the social workers, and today have to work on looking for charities that may help with moving due to our physical problems.</p><p>And on top of this, our apartment complex has gone crazy with "inspections". Since society has "gone fascist" and just seems to want to destroy our fun and ability to make a living now they want to destroy our lives in other small ways. I am about to have the fourth inspection. <br /><br />The first inspection was a couple months ago, no one showed up. We were annoyed mildly, we shrugged and moved on. We had cleaned for a few days. We have to clean it for ourselves often enough.<br /><br />The second inspection was the one we failed. We got 4 days notice, the apartment had someone literally almost walk in and walk out. Something does smell skanky in the hall right in front of our door, I sometimes worry we got judged for that. Whatever is causing that smell it's not from us. I think they fixed some pipe yesterday because the stink is gone. The plumbing is so bad in this building, I wonder if they think our frantic cleaning will make up for it. There's always piles of dry-wall in the hall to fix the latest pipe burst. We then had the building manager come and inspect who said we had passed, and now there's another inspection next week, the "city inspection". They ruined our holidays with this stuff. Would you like to get a threatening letter about evictions and breaking your lease for bad cleaning?<br /><br />This is the fourth inspection in 3 months!!<br /><br /> There is no longer any privacy or peace. Imagine being sick with chronic fatigue in my case, I'm so exhausted, and covered in skin sores too and having people wanting to bother you over cleaning. It brings back flashbacks of my mother. I never cleaned good enough! My whole life as a child and teen was nothing but cleaning. Everything was supposed to look like a museum constantly. Even if you live in a small box that you mess up just from cooking a meal or taking a shower within 10 minutes, it's supposed to look like a show room!<br /><br />I've been in apartments for 25 years, usually if you take the trash out, are not a hoarder, don't have pests taking over the place, you are left alone in peace. Not anymore! The busybodies who ruined our lives with endless pandemic nonsense, now want to inspect the quality of your housekeeping. I had some weird thoughts, "Don't some working men live alone in this place? Are they all neat freaks?"<br /><br />Then the class issues bug me, inside my head is thinking, "They are really throwing you out, because all your stuff is old, and they want to appeal to the modern yuppie who has fancy glass metal tables and all new things". They want to toss the old working class bums out. Well why can't they leave us alone? They are pricing us out anyway! So many of my neighbors have left, it's depressing and these were people who made far more income than us. Our desperate lurch from month to month didn't allow much moving plans. By the way there is no affordable housing in this town, nothing cheaper, no studios, no boarding houses, there's a neighboring ghetto town with crime but even the rent there is expensive for what you get. I'm not into moving into apartments where there's daily shootings. I left that stuff in Chicago years ago. <br /><br />We still need the maintenance man to come in and put a strip of plastic on the wall that came off from a leak new door and to use the RIGHT caulk on the bathtub and sink that doesn't come off. He showed up one day in the parking lot as we are going to an appointment to get our charity glasses so I didn't have to wear taped together glasses anymore. He claimed he would be here Friday, still haven't seen him. I wonder if they will blame me for the bad caulk that always comes off within the day even waiting 24 hours to make sure it dries and for the lining coming off the wall. He wrote the work order as "completed", it showed up in our email!<br /><br />We had an episode where our sink backed up and we had to do dishes into a bucket for a few weeks. This place used to have a 72 hour turn around on repairs that has turned into weeks. They laid off some maintenance men. It's not the same as it used to be. How can they expect perfection in my housekeeping when the hallways are grotty now, the carpets look grungy and this building is not in very good condition anymore? The other week, I was leaving out, and a handle had fallen off one of the doors out in the common area, and I had almost fallen over it, I picked it up and put it on a table. This used to be a good apartment building. It seems like ever since Covid, everything just gets worse and worse. </p><p>A draconian megacorporation bought this place, and now instead of just looking at fire alarms once a year, they want to inspect your housekeeping. It is constant. This is a private housing concern, I am not in public housing yet. This time, we got four days notice. I had working on "getting rid of stuff" knowing the rent is skyrocketing and we have to most likely get out of here but we cleaned up for the inspection. I put things away. I had already been taking trips to take things to thrift, and we took more to thrift in the days before the inspection.<br /><br /> There's been discussions even of putting things in storage, etc. etc. Anyhow, we cleaned and this woman from corporate not even our building manager, walks in for 4 minutes or so walks out and we are given a notice that the housekeeping is sub-par and we are in possible violation of our lease.</p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh4mvnxTBDizXbnk9fUrZ2I9s0XGDSV-lRnfXZfp2LOWhfD727o9UHKYDwBZD7gIcFpzWAPvrUaqdOu2ZnrRgY3V4k_tJ6p0d2G90MOE4KqQ3V47ESiP2IGh5vDcILZbIt1kOmc1F8Q1eurV5eovNuVGjZuhulT3FTKE5pu_PgMSvhljt9lzhM9Lw3v6MmP" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="714" data-original-width="527" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh4mvnxTBDizXbnk9fUrZ2I9s0XGDSV-lRnfXZfp2LOWhfD727o9UHKYDwBZD7gIcFpzWAPvrUaqdOu2ZnrRgY3V4k_tJ6p0d2G90MOE4KqQ3V47ESiP2IGh5vDcILZbIt1kOmc1F8Q1eurV5eovNuVGjZuhulT3FTKE5pu_PgMSvhljt9lzhM9Lw3v6MmP" width="177" /></a></div><br />My actual kitchen at the time of the failed inspection [yeah it's really just a hallway, but this was one of the pictures I took]<br /><br />Before all inspections, I photograph the hell out of our apartment. They are all time stamped. I have too many disabled friends who have had problems from inspections so it's just something I did to protect myself. I post the pictures on Facebook and wrote, <i>"How bad do you think this apartment is?"</i> All my friends were in shock, said, <i>"It looks fine"</i>, and added, <i>"They must want you out of there!" </i>I told them I have been living here for years with no problems and never been late on the rent. <br /><br />I said, "We cleaned it", but their expectations were a full deep extreme clean. I remember the day before, I even had gone out to Dollar Tree and got some Mr. Clean Magic Erasers so I had scrubbed at the walls too. Later to pass the now third inspection, I had a friend help me and we cleaned all the cabinets down with Murphy's oil soap, and I scrubbed down the walls even more. I was told, to scrub down all the appliances, walls and more with Fantastic and to make sure all the baseboards were clean. We cleaned all the closets, after all, I was already getting rid of stuff before. <br /><br />The corporate woman actually wrote on the report, there was trash strewn all over the apartment during the second inspection. I kid you not. Some friends have theorized that the megacorporates want to drive everyone out, so they can remodel and raise the rent. One wrote that this is very common, apartment complexes will want to upgrade and will find their ways to drive people out. Since this area is gentrifying massively, I get the feeling our old funiture and humble belongings aren't cutting it for the new beautiful and rich people they want to move into this place. I noticed with dread, they had jacked the rent up by 200 dollars on their ads online. It already had gone up by 200 dollars in 2 years. <br /><br />I wish I could relax, and not be nervous about cleaning all the time. I already was having problems with it. I feel like it's ruining my life. Remember I spend 2 hours a day in my leg machine, [in it now] 1 hour on nebulizing my lungs, and more time wrapping. I also have to cook from scratch which makes a mess because too much processed foods make me sick.<br /><br /> I worry our lack of money has impacted everything too. I wanted to get the carpets cleaned a long time ago but now they want $250 instead of the $117 I paid two years ago. Our things have gotten old and worn. I needed new [even used] furniture very long ago. My clothing is worn too. My health has led to worse skin problems that I can't hide. I have giant dark patches on me from my Dermatomyositis and other patches of Psorasis within it and now my forehead is turning red and peeling. At least I got my Duct-taped glasses replaced with new ones from a charity. My walker is old and worn and the handles are Duct-taped too. I need so many things. I get nervous about discrimination. Wouldn't I have a reason to?<br /><br />What gets me is there is no mercy for the disabled out there. Some disabled friends have told me, they have been abused over housework. I wrote all these charities years ago and applied for a cleaner, I even included a letter to the agency telling them, that my husband had major health problems and was having a hard time keeping up. Did they care? Nope. They told me we weren't poor enough...[lol] like I could afford cleaners? Are you kidding me? That's the dead end I constantly hit. I needed the help years ago. Do any of these social workers help anyone? It's never me. I'm glad the friend did come to help in cleaning for the second inspection. <div><br /></div><div>Now instead of relaxing and being able to do art work, or focus on other things I have to do, I have to worry about more inspections, more prying eyes. I had a few appointments the week of the second inspection, and have medical things I have to do this week too. <br /><br />Have you ever had anything like this happen? What do you think? If you are an apartment dweller tell me your stories. This society is going psychotic. I have to clean more today for the 4th inspection in 3 months. I feel like these people are never going to leave me alone. Hopefully after we move, I can get a cleaner in the new town. I hope so. What scares me is we did clean it. I throw things away. Who are all these perfectly clean people? <br /><br /><div><br /></div></div>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-70721347493717353292024-01-01T13:08:00.000-08:002024-01-01T13:08:55.823-08:00Please Help My Husband With a Job or Job Ideas!<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEinua9uz8lplkAMMudAtGdHtH0K0LVcH6CrgqxIf7loXaotmCY2l9WDdTmQSWjm9vVjIZmKk9ARcKFhAwiG4mqlZ2WXx3wjQfxOuD-Uz6-bmYWq0xoRWODSqzUKvG0TIHxkLKrVvmWkRvA2aYZajZq33PyaBSTvPec9FInnK38obO_ffmHkyKUw2lerFYm8" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="461" data-original-width="839" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEinua9uz8lplkAMMudAtGdHtH0K0LVcH6CrgqxIf7loXaotmCY2l9WDdTmQSWjm9vVjIZmKk9ARcKFhAwiG4mqlZ2WXx3wjQfxOuD-Uz6-bmYWq0xoRWODSqzUKvG0TIHxkLKrVvmWkRvA2aYZajZq33PyaBSTvPec9FInnK38obO_ffmHkyKUw2lerFYm8=w400-h220" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>This may be a different way of doing things, but if you know of a good remote job, or someone who can use my husband's skills, please write me here. Any ideas for higher paid work are welcomed too. He already makes minimum wage now. [around 10 dollars an hour for 40 hours a week] He has plenty of past experience in professional work too. Indeed has been a dead end. He applied for at least 40 jobs there in the past few months. It's like the algorithims just kick everything out!<br /><br /> He has a decent computer, and in the past worked for newspapers. At present, he does transcription for an online transcription company he's been with for years, and does freelance proofreading and writing for a newspaper. He is open to government and other paper-pushing jobs. Remote is preferred. Any ideas, thanks. </p><p><br /><br /></p>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-55750980232887057562023-12-31T16:18:00.000-08:002023-12-31T16:21:50.069-08:00My Cluster B Parent Died and I Felt Nothing<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="332" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/zcRUj8H3rc4" width="513" youtube-src-id="zcRUj8H3rc4"></iframe></div><br /> There was a LOT I related to in this video, including when he talks about picturing himself in the mental institution and how his enabling father would silence their laughter because it enraged his imposter mother.<br /><br /> His discussions about dealing with the damage and process of discovery are quite revelatory. I think back on when I was a teen, reading psychology books from the library and when I discovered the book <a href="https://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2014/10/the-nature-of-evil-and-npd-families.html">"The People of the Lie"</a> at the age of 18. <br /><br />One good part of the video is when he discusses how we remodel their abuse into the "love" we are told they have...where the bullying is called "acts of discipline". Sometimes it can take years to work through gaslighting ourselves as children due to this indoctrination. This comes from "the impossible task of reconciling malevolent behavior with a benevolent image". When he talks about not missing her and never desiring her company, that was me, and of course as children, that brings on the guilt. "Children aren't supposed to feel this way about their parents."<br /><br />He also dealt with a two-faced parent, all us ACONs remember those sweet words to others, as they just finished cussing us out. Mine would smile and then after the visitors left, would say things like "Who do they think they are!?" and would complain about them. Most people never could fathom what my mother said about them behind closed doors. <br /><br />His mother's other traits matched many of mine. Mine took some things further being higher on the Cluster B spectrum, but the vanity and masks are the characteristics of many narcissists. His discussion of when he figured out her cruelty and mind-games, when she told him he was going green, is also an interesting segment. It took me time to realize mine did a lot of mean things on purpose. It wasn't about correcting behavior or that I was "wrong", she simply wanted to screw around with me for kicks. My father was a narcissist too in my case, but followed many of the behaviors of Walter.<br /><br />His discussion of "internal patchwork parents" also stood out to me. I did the same thing, with nuns and teachers I loved, that aunt I spent too little time with, neighbors and latching on to friend's decent parents. <p></p><p>There is a part 2 to come. I've always liked Theramin Tree videos, his warnings about the corruption of organized religion too, have been helpful to me. </p>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-38264206309193950782023-12-30T08:54:00.000-08:002023-12-30T09:05:37.244-08:00Among the Zombies, I must be Cautious.<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjhFk595XtGMCJrhlOecmJ7xOtZmL9IP-6psXsNBWOVX4lVrVDIAKY8HmQXZ8wHPkH_GteoMhJ9pnAll6EQu7MTgj4uFD23qPzhUZ8tPLvz8gSwXDlRrnqBzu0vXbxHFM6I3KmR4D-Hk48dtEruWZJWamC0BqXM1XZRuUkmRXfK8GqVNNeKJsJOtNCYOX3x" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="680" data-original-width="673" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjhFk595XtGMCJrhlOecmJ7xOtZmL9IP-6psXsNBWOVX4lVrVDIAKY8HmQXZ8wHPkH_GteoMhJ9pnAll6EQu7MTgj4uFD23qPzhUZ8tPLvz8gSwXDlRrnqBzu0vXbxHFM6I3KmR4D-Hk48dtEruWZJWamC0BqXM1XZRuUkmRXfK8GqVNNeKJsJOtNCYOX3x=w397-h400" width="397" /></a></div><br />The dystopian nightmare seems like it will never end. I don't feel much in common with a lot of people. <b>Don't people get normal colds anymore?</b> I went on my Facebook the other day, at least 6 all wrote,<i> "I have Covid!" </i><u>Their belief in the plastic pregnancy strips of doom, never ends.</u> One wrote she was canning chicken and rice while being ill. If you are that sick, you would not be canning. Canning seems too exhausting to me right now. I know she's unvaxxed. I wrote her and said,<i> "Why do you trust those PCR tests, do you want masks and lockdowns back? Maybe you just had a cold!"</i> She's ignoring me. LOL I probably should keep my mouth shut more, but I feel so repressed as it is like a balloon being squeezed among the zombies. Some almost seem proud of Covid. They seem gleeful, like they are part of a club. She has no excuse having questioned the vaxxes. I don't get it. <p></p><p>I did succeed in throwing off the masks and "living normal". Thank God. I ruined my life listening to fear mongers online about the "long term" effects of Covid and hid out too long, and paid the price. Fortunately I have a few close friends, we stuck together during all this. I exchanged presents with two the other week, and we had a friend visit for Christmas. However life is still anything but normal. I feel weird around normal people, like I have to still watch every word I say. It's kind of maddening. I haven't been able to reclaim the same social life I used to have. It's gone. I have no money for former activities too. Add in losing all ability for conversation outside of the transcribe phone. <br /><br />We have no money to go see the art club [I miss them], and I left the church. There's not much going on here anymore. There's no fun anymore. I don't know where to go. Even then conversation always seem stilted, I don't relate to most people at all. We have a few weeks until we can go to the senior center. Even then where's the motivation to talk to people who buy into all this? Except for my few friends and husband, I feel so lonely and out of sorts around "regular" people. I never knew this level of isolation was possible. I wish I could hear someone else bitch for once. This place was always too closed mouth. Minnesota Nice married to stiff upper lips, and saving face. God, even someone from New Jersey screaming,<i> "This shit is whack!" </i>would be a relief to me right now. <br /><br />From movies, we all imagine dystopia and economic collapse, bringing endless allies, to whisper with and meet with drinking coffee, to say how much Hitler sucks. There would protesters and pissed off people in the street. There's a few who understand, I almost burst out in tears of joy to be around a nurse who had the score at my functional doctor, but I see mostly blank-faced zombies at the grocery store and elsewhere. On Facebook, I talk about "nice stuff" except for a few friends in the know. I get frustrated a lot. I don't feel the same about a lot of people. <b>Why did you accept this? Why are you still falling for it? Why are you getting sick, and not finally getting mad as your health implodes. Why do you believe the economy is great, as some of us go without groceries just because a guy that calls himself a liberal--ha what a joke-- is president?</b></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhy10ceHSDyg0VSujQFtb05KharljvNQj4PtMfjBnwzBUfmUF0S-y9gmWOqJuYgc6fN74IUgywPWkCzXOwRXY8iSLqUOiwm0boOrffnkkpouAoJrL2BQMPBG-pn8E6379mL6xMzwzaeLYM2AbZqejcM8Ev0z-nbn-xlT8xY5XyezC1sk1wYk_E88MLnM8_Y" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="627" data-original-width="844" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhy10ceHSDyg0VSujQFtb05KharljvNQj4PtMfjBnwzBUfmUF0S-y9gmWOqJuYgc6fN74IUgywPWkCzXOwRXY8iSLqUOiwm0boOrffnkkpouAoJrL2BQMPBG-pn8E6379mL6xMzwzaeLYM2AbZqejcM8Ev0z-nbn-xlT8xY5XyezC1sk1wYk_E88MLnM8_Y=w400-h297" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>Speaking of liberals, <a href="https://twitter.com/SenSanders/status/1740394578266792371">Bernie Sanders threw up the Covid "script" on Twitter</a>. That guy's another disappointment. He's another sell-out and hypocrite. I regret all my support for him. We even donated to his campaign. He's another simp. Old man with a lot of money, sometimes saying things that sound nice, but all he did was assure more standing for the status quo. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhOwEgeDrrm02KL4QU326TMZg1KpOHSFFtxksw3jvktapsmcHNENbRcdBCC2A3XJFnedYPCWB1xOfZBGoM7BKV1MNtUUXPQF97OYqUlCAFvCIdQTHUbKMAJcK-qZ7CCAbv7vVCxbgdTO6dXXBHV-EMq167H_dtAv57Bofmd8nQ3qrdM-Op3WAB8gwjA4SVM" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="545" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhOwEgeDrrm02KL4QU326TMZg1KpOHSFFtxksw3jvktapsmcHNENbRcdBCC2A3XJFnedYPCWB1xOfZBGoM7BKV1MNtUUXPQF97OYqUlCAFvCIdQTHUbKMAJcK-qZ7CCAbv7vVCxbgdTO6dXXBHV-EMq167H_dtAv57Bofmd8nQ3qrdM-Op3WAB8gwjA4SVM" width="242" /></a></div><br />Maybe I've grown too repressed. That I should just let it all out and be hated as the "crazy conspiracy theorist". At least my head would feel clear, but the social price would be too much. I haven't felt safe in a long time. This is like life with my family, one wrong word and feeling like I'll get smashed. I'll never feel safe around so called liberals again after all this. Remember all those groups I left? It did improve my mental health. You all can have your future of endless illness and subservience! I don't want it. I was in that social position of knowing saying too much could cause me problems. It was far better to clear out. <p></p><p> When I hear about variants and the rest of it, I think<i> "Shut up!" </i>at this point. My functional doctor did promise treatment if I catch anything. My regular doctor [my other one got sick from the vaxx and left the practice] is of sound mind too, fortunately for me. I wonder what that one stamp club friend will think, he brought me some stamps in October, he's gotten every booster like a pin cushion. I told him,<i> "I will return to regular life, screw this, I have to quit being a coward".</i> He told me<i>, "You're crazy! If you don't get vaxxed, you will need to live in isolation the rest of your life!"</i> I said, <i>"I am old and sick, and only have so many years left so I must end this." </i>I'm glad I did. I am tempted to write this guy, and say, <i>"I did it!"</i> I will never forgive the bastards in charge for my lost three years. Us disabled were left scrambling in the dark. The Covidians have nothing to offer me but death, misery, no solutions, and<a href="https://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2023/12/the-lies-never-end.html"> more bullshit.<br /></a><br />I feel betrayed by the Covidian true believers. Am I wrong to? All I know is their submission and lack of critical thinking, will ruin more of my life and leave me vulnerable to new things the evil hatch. Sure I feel sorry for the deceived at times, and question my own beliefs, but it shocks me how so many still don't get that something is very wrong. We on the awake side all know who would help drag us to the trains without hesitation. I don't watch the news anymore. Too many lies. Most of it is propaganda. <br /><br />I stroll into stores sans masks. I can breathe and move easier. There's a lot of physical suffering, I remained in denial about. Finding normal seems beyond me. The masks did harm my health and lowered my oxygen. If they do a new pandemic, I'm not going to wear them. I probably could get a medical exemption now based on COPD. They smothered me long enough. I do wonder if my health is permanently ruined. I'm having scary symptoms like<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/optometry/comments/j9ibyp/seeing_heartbeat_pulses_in_the_eye/"> seeing my heart beat in my eyes</a>. I read anemia, cardiovascular problems--those are obvious, and other factors can cause this. I told my doctors. Maybe I've been fat too long. My blood pressure is normal, even kind of on the low end, and oxygenation. I'm supposed to exercise, I think of the long ago gym. How would my health be today if this crap hadn't happened? I wonder about that stuff. My health was improving back then. Why does everything have to be a struggle? Why is so much taken away?<br /><br />I feel locked in a box both physically and mentally. I want out. I'm getting out. Just like I said Screw it, to living in isolation and being smothered by those damn masks, I'm saying screw it to a life with no future. I've arrived at these points at other times in life. It's time to leave a place. I wanted to leave years ago. Now it is necessary. It's like the time I escaped from Chicago. <br /><br />It's time for a life reset. This life isn't working. I know you always take yourself with you and maybe I came to depend on geographic cures too much, but I wanted to leave where I am at years ago. It never felt "right". I should have never left my old small town but there was no choice. You all can't even comprehend the regret and tears over that. 99 % of this town is vaxxed. I would estimate 80% are true believers and still lining up. I see people who question it all online. I'm good at pattern recognition. Part of me thinks get out why you can, as they are all going to get sick. The autoimmune illness and multiple cases of dementia in one still sleeping group was a giant waving flag. Stores and restaurants are closing here like crazy too. They say they can't get workers. Maybe because no one can afford the rent here, or maybe because so many people died or became disabled.<br /><br />I'm going on more supplements, some vit B seemed to help for a time, but then I got this latest flare. I do need better food, less stress and more happiness. My life is kind of falling apart. Economically and otherwise. Many good friends have helped us. Yet again I'm in the place, where I have to "attempt" a life reset. I didn't get to have a normal life like other people, so many times of being "forced out of places". <a href="https://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2022/04/economic-nomads-in-geography-of-nowhere.html">Remember my economic nomad article</a>? Life in this community is not sustainable. Most of my friends live a little distance away. Yet another town, has told me,<i> "you can't stay".</i> and <i>"you do not belong"</i>. There's no decent housing here. The rent has been skyrocketing for some time.<br /><br />Two days ago, I had my husband take me to a small art museum, it was mostly to make myself walk around a little bit. Some people said migraines affects this for them. I've had a LOT of migraines lately. Light always feels too bright. I'm in a flare now, every skin sore busts out bodywide, my forehead is rotting off in red patches, psorasis over the top, extreme fatigue where I could sleep all day, the hearing always seems to fall a few notches. Chronic fatigue is from hell. I've gone so deaf all conversation is toast. I fear dying while I watch young healthy people chose death. It pisses me off. Even my desire for life, screams against them in the inner recesses of my brain. What is wrong with you? I wrote some people that my history of chronic illness has made all of this unbearable. Watching people throw lives away they take for granted.<br /><br />Bad health problems are harder to deal with when the majority of the world is focused on illness and there seems to be no end of it. I noticed people getting sicker years ago. I know a few regretters who took the vaxxes and never touched that poison again, but around here they seem rare. There's too many still lining up for their clot shots, no matter how sick they get. I have uncharitable thoughts about "stupid people" far too often, as they gulp down their Jim Jones juice, and then tell the world<i> "I have Covid"</i> over and over. This discrepancy always has bothered me. One wrote, <i>"we just got our booster in October!" </i>[number 7?] and complained about having Covid, I think this is this person's fourth or fifth bout of it. I'm beyond fed up with them. The Bible had a verse about living in peace with people, so I remind myself, they've made their choices. Keep your own boundaries. There's nothing you can do about it. Your responsibility is to find people you feel safe around and for self-care. You aren't responsible for their choices. My duty as <a href="https://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2023/10/go-back-to-your-life.html">I wrote on that other article</a> is finding the best life I can find. If something is not working, it's simply not. <br /><br />I said to my husband one day as he gave me some idealistic view of politics,<i> "We are old, we can't save this world, many have chosen destruction and death"</i>. He gave me kind of a weird look. I then added, <i>"We have to take care of ourselves and find a better and more secure life, for whatever years we got left"</i>. <br /><br /> I exited my too long isolation, life is not the same. Everything here kind of sucks. People around here act like zombies. It's scary. My past memories of remembering people laugh and talk, seem so far away. Everyone forgot what life was like in 2019. I was on my Facebook the other day. The few friends act "real", but normal people weird me out. It's bad here in the grocery stores and in public life. Like people don't have emotions anymore. <br /><br />Everyone seems sick constantly. This beyond the people who write <i>"I have Covid"</i> over and over on their walls. You hear all this bad stuff constantly, people constantly in the hospital, people constantly dying. I ask all the time, <i>"Why aren't they putting the puzzle pieces together?"</i> The truther community keeps claiming the dam is going to break! They think Warp Speed Trump is going to step in and stop the genocide. What a freaking joke. They write things like <i>"The Spars scenario is going to happen, the truth is coming out! People are getting so sick they can't deny it."</i></p><p> I lost hope of it long ago, looking at the people around here and the majority on my Facebook wall, they remain clueless as ever. No one even seems to grieve what life used to be, and they have embraced the "new normal" and now constant illness and death have been embraced and "normalized". They don't even care that teens and kids are having heart attack and strokes. If that didn't wake them up what would? I have nothing in common with these people. Sometimes I feel like they want to stamp out my inner light too. </p>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-49105346685539839592023-12-30T05:48:00.000-08:002023-12-30T05:48:44.379-08:00The Lies Never End<p> Well the Covid vaxxes are the reason for all the heart failure, but I guess now it's cover up time....<br /><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhAuzR4ZeWuH-r945nGyRgQ_DYVYJ5F7m5T87kiJDPu8R_XcQ6udXJ4UYyAO-kWWYpEatUx5OdnhiRIesPCyDpWyfuNlxAUPIDbUkt3elJrIo0u4XD_TmyVjkaepFjr3NwIv6aYxns_vttFKETb8b96Jy-RyYTz0gnwJyNmmyo2XqWxkv_K1mdkR_j-Xeaa" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="861" data-original-width="601" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhAuzR4ZeWuH-r945nGyRgQ_DYVYJ5F7m5T87kiJDPu8R_XcQ6udXJ4UYyAO-kWWYpEatUx5OdnhiRIesPCyDpWyfuNlxAUPIDbUkt3elJrIo0u4XD_TmyVjkaepFjr3NwIv6aYxns_vttFKETb8b96Jy-RyYTz0gnwJyNmmyo2XqWxkv_K1mdkR_j-Xeaa=w448-h640" width="448" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-57697185277460041672023-12-30T05:45:00.000-08:002023-12-30T05:45:27.978-08:00Obesity is Chemical Bloat<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjnb_P9yLplsRog86OGPIzjJpUMvS_TnfeWUCD9pVyBwc74yexoJ7Y8n7ho4IhyEwhCWrFfxPhs5Gw-j55hyDvrZBWLLPuIsWsPm1u0v8jd-d6UXkua9D8IGql7cwQ5JbvShgDwJUjYubCwPKSHVE80qQBxt8gIACQlTsuv_xu0s-RcPz7nWDvPCbyBLYxo" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="618" data-original-width="1245" height="199" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjnb_P9yLplsRog86OGPIzjJpUMvS_TnfeWUCD9pVyBwc74yexoJ7Y8n7ho4IhyEwhCWrFfxPhs5Gw-j55hyDvrZBWLLPuIsWsPm1u0v8jd-d6UXkua9D8IGql7cwQ5JbvShgDwJUjYubCwPKSHVE80qQBxt8gIACQlTsuv_xu0s-RcPz7nWDvPCbyBLYxo=w400-h199" width="400" /></a></div> <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0960076021002351"> source</a><br /><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.johnsonandtoxin.com/chem_bloat.shtml">Obesity is Chemical Bloat</a><br /><br /><i>We have known for decades that exposure to endocrine disrupting chemicals increases the risk of developing obesity. Look up the term: OBESOGEN. This includes the chemicals found in common consumer goods that have been known to cause damage to the adipose tissue system for decades. In addition to increasing the stores of energy in fat cells, endocrine disrupting chemicals store themselves in fat cells. Drawing on fat cells for energy releases the stored poisons. This is the obvious reason why those with obesity also suffer from chronic inflammation, cancers, heart disease, liver disease and other diseases associated with exposure to endocrine-disrupting chemicals.</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div>Chemicals are fattening people up. People in the old days ate food, they didn't have to do special extreme diets like Keto or Carnivore to be a normal weight. Some of the anti-fat pundits may say<i> "Oh everyone got more lazy and started pigging out!" </i>I don't buy it. For years, I posted on endocrine disruptors and toxins that impacted weight on this blog. We swim in a chemical soup and in America, it's worse than Europe because Europe outlaws far more harmful chemicals. What is the chemical soup doing to everyone?<br /><br />One part of my history I haven't mentioned much is epigenetics, my father worked at this Asphalt company and said he was poisoned. Now this was before my birth, but he would go on rants about how that place poisoned him when he was young and ruined his health for good. He would go on about how he got exposed to Benzene. <a href="https://www.envirotech-online.com/news/health-and-safety/10/ion-science-ltd-instruments/asphalt-production-and-benzene-exposure-protecting-staff-with-a-safety-first-approach-and-pid-technology/57397">It is used in asphalt production. </a>Now imagine this, it's the 1950s and early 60s, I don't think environmental protections were up and running back then. When I got my medical records so much matched his, as I have written here. Probable misdiagnosed Lipedema, Lupus, and psorasis, and much more.<br /><br />I also wonder about all the chemicals I got exposed to in art classrooms. I had to stop teaching any classes with clay as far back as the juvenile home. Even having the kids wipe the tables off after class and cleaning everything up, clay created a lot of dust, and it gave me asthma. Oil Painting? I had to stop by my mid 20s, the solvents were making me sick. My glass of paint thinner full of brushes brought me worse spells of dizziness. Imagine a whole classroom of paint thinner, and kids using it. Most of the time I stuck with acrylics, but there were art projects that used variety of solvents like making marbleized paper and other special projects.<br /><br />I got this one temp job mid college working at a printing company drawing cartoon characters on plastic sheets, I think they were being used for animation or production of some kind. However I only lasted three weeks, right next to printing production, the smells gave me daily migraines. My migraines always brought visual auras, I felt like I was going to die. I liked the work, and felt it opened doors, after all the job used my art skills! However I had to quit.<br /><br />If you google obesogens, you will endless chemicals out in our environment that negatively affect weight.<br /><br /><br /><br />Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-69901225958825745402023-12-27T09:36:00.000-08:002023-12-27T11:03:42.477-08:00Financial Times: The Culture Wars Dividing America's Most Liberal Church<p><br /></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizsi2GndTYAIki6ERQ6j35lQ8KEQiRHIlqt-WJhw0bW838zPbim57_O5cuH-wfFEMmgvtzdPoMfKOyvkesa6Xme7_R3-xhdwZzAPuukB7AobJ83wOrNupTiUF8u-37i0-lKF5lihMbiC7gjZGlnVoJO09Y9ZKBKxRvFChvvK_SiZfAD4d59IuZT1_SvxEO/s1751/culture7.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="488" data-original-width="1751" height="111" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizsi2GndTYAIki6ERQ6j35lQ8KEQiRHIlqt-WJhw0bW838zPbim57_O5cuH-wfFEMmgvtzdPoMfKOyvkesa6Xme7_R3-xhdwZzAPuukB7AobJ83wOrNupTiUF8u-37i0-lKF5lihMbiC7gjZGlnVoJO09Y9ZKBKxRvFChvvK_SiZfAD4d59IuZT1_SvxEO/w400-h111/culture7.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p><a href="https://www.ft.com/content/ec58bccb-668b-445f-ba7c-824297eb885d?dclid=CMHpyPXwioMDFR_QTwIdxPkM4A"> Financial Times: The Culture Wars Dividing America's Most Liberal Church</a></p><p><br />This is a new article about the Unitarian Universalist church and what's happening in those circles. They talk about the proposed changes to the articles of the church:</p><p><i>"These would be replaced with a set of “values” represented by a flower pattern, with a chalice and the word “LOVE” at the centre and six petals representing the new values. These include a new commitment to “dismantle racism and all forms of systemic oppression”, and a change of wording in the very first principle of Unitarian Universalism. While the old principle said the “inherent worth and dignity of every person” should be affirmed and promoted, the new value says that “every person has the right to flourish with inherent dignity and worthiness” — a subtle but significant change in the language, critics say." </i></p><p>Well, the troubles in the Unitarian Universalist church have hit international news. It's a small church, so very little is known about it, but some of the latest happenings are coming to light. Many are realizing the left and many of its institutions since Covid have definitely lost their way. They have become apologists for draconian globalism and the will of mega-corporations more than they have support for the betterment of anyone's life. <a href="https://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2021/09/will-usa-turn-ultra-right-wing-utter.html">If the USA goes ultra right wing,</a> as I predicted years ago, I will blame the left and its failures. <a href="https://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2022/02/the-modern-left-has-turned-fascist-for.html">The left truly did become fascist for Covid tyranny. <br /></a><br />Culture wars made me weary in my Christian fundamentalist days. We had constant sermons on abortion, and other culture wars hot topics. No one ever seemed to have any real solutions that would work. It was a lot of rhetoric not backed up by any action to make anyone's lives better. I got in trouble a lot in fundamentalist circles, saying most abortions were sought under economic duress, maybe that needs changed. I didn't do well with other cultural topics. I still remember my last IFB pastor railing against those on welfare, while we were on welfare, from the pulpit, screaming the bible verse, about "those who don't work, don't eat". That guy was never short of a desired dollar in his life. <br /><br />Sadly, I feel like I experienced the same in the Unitarian Universalist church. I was on the edges as everyone rallied for the latest greatest culture war. I didn't have the "right" thoughts or beliefs and no longer fit in. There was a long list I did not conform to. Imagine being in a UU church when you are against gun control and think kids need protecting from butchering surgeons and doctors who want to fill them up with harmful hormones. Imagine questioning aspects of the morality of abortion too. <br /><br />Read these two articles for background on this one:<br /><br /><a href="https://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2023/05/the-unitarian-universalist-church.html">The Unitarian Universalist Church Controversy: When Your Church Goes So Woke You Can't Bear It.</a></p><p><a href="https://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2023/07/leaving-another-church-my-departure.html">Leaving Another Church: My Departure from the Unitarian Universalist Church</a><br /><br />One online acquaintance told me, group dynamics always disintegrate. They are on to something there. Churches, governments, social clubs and fan clubs always seem to go to a bad place. They start off with good intentions but then the evil people seeking power and prestige come along and ruin it for everyone. Just as empires disintegrate, maybe organizations do too with enough time. </p><p><a href="https://davidcycleback.substack.com/p/how-unitarian-universalism-is-in?fbclid=IwAR0YraLkoRdWaODyAhLi7fDw-dw8YiVnbe-fWuYWrCMQgi71r3Q8b1hJUYs">David Cycleback is right about the Unitarian Universalist Association becoming "far left authoritarians".</a> They do truly operate the same way. Think about it, I have been in America's most conservative church, the IFB or "independent fundamentalist baptist" church for many years and I have had 20 years of my adulthood associated with the Unitarian Universalist church. There's the same dynamics happening.<br /><br /><i><b>"Fanatical, dogmatic behavior, such as exhibited within the current UUA, exists in both the extreme political left and right and is a matter of psychology not politics. An Emory University study showed that far-left authoritarians share key personality traits with the far-right. A University of Montana study showed that leftists are just as likely to be dogmatic authoritarians as those on the right. </b></i></p><p> There's a reason that the UU wants to remove "freedom of conscience" from their charter now. Just as much as the fundamentalists expected me to be a Republican, which led to many troubling moments such as when I wrote a complaint letter to my first IFB minister when he told me to vote for Bush, the same applied to the Unitarian Universalists. I was expected to be a supporter of the Democrat party and to support Biden. There were certain "expected" politics. It's funny but there was even one moment when I got called a "radical" by a couple UUs for supporting Bernie. Now some may say, well those things naturally happen, people seek like-minded others when choosing a church but it seemed the expected politics and causes got narrower and narrower as I got older.<br /><br />Everything is so commercialized and controlled now. Even the "woke" stuff is meant to paper over and distract from reality. Just like the "identity wars" protect the billionaire class as they rip us off and destroy our lives, it's all distractions. There were times I started feeling like I did in my old churches. No one wanted to deal with reality or one's real life. There was no longer no interest in truth.<br /><br /><a href="https://hipcrime.substack.com/p/wokeness-is-a-product-of-neoliberalism?utm_source=%2Fsearch%2Fglobalism&utm_medium=reader2&fbclid=IwAR2-o_jpJV3TWqiPDyj7wtCP9dmE9VXj9om9GnDtEzR-5Yo0kemClT10dxc">Wokeness is a Product of Neoliberalism</a></p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVh7rX0dfwhaK3BjTmpegOB32Vnluk-4O5bwZTgRgmwP8ErrfZVreCKASQaON7HRlM2Ew74cX3Cd0HIJsIwM306LvKmLTF0FJdbzCH5R_FzN1G-kVdpSIYIQRghxJpa07avYYl4x7cFzeK6QzmDxFwkxo-o0QJhLO_TeJxa7Sgoau3m-G2MKct0NxokLr2/s1174/culture5.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="676" data-original-width="1174" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVh7rX0dfwhaK3BjTmpegOB32Vnluk-4O5bwZTgRgmwP8ErrfZVreCKASQaON7HRlM2Ew74cX3Cd0HIJsIwM306LvKmLTF0FJdbzCH5R_FzN1G-kVdpSIYIQRghxJpa07avYYl4x7cFzeK6QzmDxFwkxo-o0QJhLO_TeJxa7Sgoau3m-G2MKct0NxokLr2/w400-h249/culture5.PNG" width="400" /></a></p>The UU massively changed. I was in the UU way back in the late 80s and back then, there was almost this accepted notion one could debate and still disagree. In fact, the intellectual bent of the UU church was appealing to me, because independence of thought was so respected back then. Even the UU "World" magazine instead of being a organ of every "Woke" cause like with <a href="https://www.uuworld.org/articles/authentic-selves-castro">the latest pro-trans article pushing surgeries and hormones on a young person I really feel sorry for,</a> was full of debates and arguments in the "letters to the editor" section. In the old days, there would have been no silencing like this about controversial topics.<br /><br />Doing away with article 2, is not a good pathway, and there is an emphasis now by the official Unitarian Universalist Association on<i> "shared values" </i>and <i>"covenant"</i> which oddly is a Baptist word, denoting endless responsibilities to God and church. They almost want to turn what used to be a creedless church into a creed-filled church of the ultra-woke and politically correct. I had discussions with one church member I had kept in contact with, that this gave me flashbacks to time in the Baptist church. <br /><br />I realized the UU church was losing the plot especially since Covid. I cannot even describe my level of disappointment, in being the only one who questioned any of it. Where I live, none of the churches questioned it, not even the Baptists. My old IFB probably just ignored the topic, after all their loved Saint Trump supported Operation Warp Speed. <br /><br />The UU sadly has become a bastion of so called <a href="https://www.robkhenderson.com/p/status-symbols-and-the-struggle-for?fbclid=IwAR2J4AWguRkbyvJkEVpAQ-8i0Ba59jxnn3DEibMMvxFI5bsbLiw6wuEsotg">luxury beliefs.</a> I knew going back into the UU, the same class divide would still exist. This class divide I realized definitely affected my differing views from the majority of my UU congregation. Everyone's circumstances affects their outlooks on life. I enjoyed many people in my past congregation. Many were kind and giving folks. Many UUs are so out there in high paid professional and academia land, even being mostly well-meaning, they have lost touch with the reality of most people in America. Sadly, many do not realize the depths of social inequality in our society and what is happening to people especially the young. <div><br />Utopian visions among human beings always seem to go dark, no matter what it is. The "woke" left seems intent on imposing their "anti-oppression" views via more oppression. What a mess. <br /><div><br />This is why you see so many commenters on this article calling the UU a "farce" and a "joke". I think they see this divide. One of the commenters on this article refers to "boomeritis", others "affluent, white, leftish, well meaning 'good people" and others still to the failure of liberalism as a whole, and the travesties of unbelief and referring to the 10 commandments as the 10 suggestions. </div><div><br /><a href="https://tobyrogers.substack.com/p/there-is-no-political-left-what-appears?fbclid=IwAR2isUmmcOHxb4LEMd2g8FDORzKW6fJkFJPsM_1_IQ7FRecE9goRAOetR7Y">There is no political left</a><br /><br /></div><div>A book I want to read:<br /><br /><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Hollow-Gods-Davidson-Loehr/dp/1639888225/ref=sr_1_1?crid=184CZW3CPEG8F&keywords=Hollow%20gods&qid=1688228682&s=books&sprefix=hollow%20gods%2Cstripbooks%2C165&sr=1-1&fbclid=IwAR0YraLkoRdWaODyAhLi7fDw-dw8YiVnbe-fWuYWrCMQgi71r3Q8b1hJUYs">Hollow Gods: Why Liberalism Became a Destructive Religion<br /><br /><br /></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></div></div>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-51130624966493132382023-12-17T19:49:00.000-08:002023-12-17T19:51:13.255-08:00New Poem. [And Yes, it Refers to the Movie]<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgHtgXAHUv2l56WIRLzqFJ48g4cw69W3R0fhHc0OLxhtoY4GcNErCuyWEROK_m4sfd5LWG_8-HW8iWEe8f0uWhGAfbn21AFW-0oRgWm0ub_7vDYEgDdZyH_M0mR5Ps-95GILoMuYi0SP0ZpIjpzgiN8z-znzYx8YfuAnN6dYbmo0wIfs8PGiQI5AkbI0mBX" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgHtgXAHUv2l56WIRLzqFJ48g4cw69W3R0fhHc0OLxhtoY4GcNErCuyWEROK_m4sfd5LWG_8-HW8iWEe8f0uWhGAfbn21AFW-0oRgWm0ub_7vDYEgDdZyH_M0mR5Ps-95GILoMuYi0SP0ZpIjpzgiN8z-znzYx8YfuAnN6dYbmo0wIfs8PGiQI5AkbI0mBX=w400-h248" width="400" /></a></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><u>They Live (Choose Eternity)</u></b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Too much obedience is a bad thing</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Don’t dull your aura to a gray</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Wearing the sunglasses of despair </b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Among the sleeping.</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Don’t mute yourself.</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>(I wasn’t afraid to tell you who I am)</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Don’t empty out your mind</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Sitting in the groups </b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Where the charismatic</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Shine with empty words</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>to those with no interior dialogue</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>And those of wisdom afraid to speak</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Hold fast to your legacy and refuse to</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Be a chimera to the corporations</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>We were resolute towers</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Walking among the men as trees</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Don’t join the crowd of hollowed out pillars</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Those trapped in linear time and digits</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>They never found their boats of discovery</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>God defend us in a world waxing cold.</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>I don’t approve of any of it</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Some of us spoke out with risk</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>As they built the prison walls and lit the pyres</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>The gaslighters blew smoke forming a fog</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>The house was on fire and everyone just sat there</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Inequity will abound, endure to the end</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Among the scattered sheep</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Who got tired of being told what to believe</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Mothered by books, a Cinderella to clean the house</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>And find the hidden papers</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>We were long ago tired of the lies.</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Life force holding stead, burning it bright </b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Elder Orphans hold firm resolve</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Among the crying ancestors and ghosts with their smells.</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>I was done and undid my chains and freed</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Myself without asking permission</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Life is to live, run away with me, my love</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>We grew old anyway but at least we never lost our souls</b></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>A blip on the screen, a dust mote in the wind, a time in a bottle to be held. </b></span></div><div><br /></div><p></p>
Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-67298971368436687362023-12-13T07:50:00.000-08:002023-12-13T07:50:13.040-08:00Growing Up as A FAT Kid<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="336" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/5EX9zZLrwLg" width="486" youtube-src-id="5EX9zZLrwLg"></iframe></div><br />This video was interesting, it does show what it is like. It's too bad his grandmother overfeeds him. When I was writing Fat Pat, I thought of all the bad foods I was given, what if I had been given healthy foods? He goes to the gym, I'm glad his friends are supportive. I think about when I joined the gym and went and liked it, but there was so little weight loss. Some may find their way out, I hope so. Probably cases where normal eating brings a thinner body helps, I like the part where his three friends have changes from the gym and he still deals with being fat though he loooks a little more in shape. <p></p>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-54462625318829279782023-12-12T19:42:00.000-08:002023-12-17T19:54:26.788-08:00Fat Pat will be on sale soon. <p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh3gOjlNqIpEUVffTIVsr5RA4i6geJTmN-VhXyDIju9UUHDPceRapJlmNgQCSrYRdJRRZDopCnk-LKiJ6fqr9Qt52tFA29XcbNLvnahZjJXQ-5gm0blQ06vt6NTrbMVdCRZPTtr0LxtdNOhm1SpucA7lg40cJeAAN-wJbCzgWXj6Y1_GdnmuzJ-j1lRPOtM" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="715" data-original-width="805" height="371" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh3gOjlNqIpEUVffTIVsr5RA4i6geJTmN-VhXyDIju9UUHDPceRapJlmNgQCSrYRdJRRZDopCnk-LKiJ6fqr9Qt52tFA29XcbNLvnahZjJXQ-5gm0blQ06vt6NTrbMVdCRZPTtr0LxtdNOhm1SpucA7lg40cJeAAN-wJbCzgWXj6Y1_GdnmuzJ-j1lRPOtM=w390-h371" width="390" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #274e13;"><b>I'll be posting Fat Pat for sale very soon, probably in the next week or so. So get ready. 236 pages!</b></span></span><div><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #274e13;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #274e13;"><b>[UPDATE: I have an opportunity to get FAT PAT professionally printed and spiraled bound, so they will be more like real books/ zines! I plan to sell electronic copies and printed copies, so there is a delay but this is why!]<br /></b></span></span><br /><br /><br /><br /><p></p></div>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-17074997085177007432023-11-16T07:37:00.000-08:002023-11-16T07:37:02.810-08:00I Miss the Old Left<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiqzrW9ordM61KCnasodkB5yVrjm7U1Z5CywoFBjjUEOcGkCDFun5dzbRWpjeyNDCnRzzq1CIJ0GEihicL7KkLncXwm4NVJ_y55AWEEjZQGn1Ig8Q2IjlPLjhSXwEFceZclvgs7sWP9EnVHHJrTl5xkuOvSswLoOZYWEy2SI3Rg_GJiDM13cZb2Mu5Cbwha" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="809" data-original-width="804" height="436" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiqzrW9ordM61KCnasodkB5yVrjm7U1Z5CywoFBjjUEOcGkCDFun5dzbRWpjeyNDCnRzzq1CIJ0GEihicL7KkLncXwm4NVJ_y55AWEEjZQGn1Ig8Q2IjlPLjhSXwEFceZclvgs7sWP9EnVHHJrTl5xkuOvSswLoOZYWEy2SI3Rg_GJiDM13cZb2Mu5Cbwha=w476-h436" width="476" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">The left has gone off the rails long ago. See: <a href="https://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2022/02/the-modern-left-has-turned-fascist-for.html">The Modern Left has gone Fascist for Covid Oppression</a></div><br /><p></p>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-74913811193817104672023-11-11T09:41:00.004-08:002023-11-11T10:17:42.098-08:00Food Costs Skyrocketing<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="347" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/1wROJb3F0Kw" width="542" youtube-src-id="1wROJb3F0Kw"></iframe></div><br /> I've been watching this guy's channel, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/@therealeconomy6052">"The Real Economy"</a>, he lives in Florida, but the prices are very similar to where I live. Food is getting too high. My fridge is completely empty except for some condiments, and eggs. We bought some lunch meat, a tomato and bread. It is getting to the point where we can't afford groceries anymore ourselves. I wonder why Americans just roll over and take this crap, they'll take to the streets about a crime 5 states away but won't do jack to protest as the economy crushes them.<br /><br /> I haven't missed a meal yet but many of them have sucked. I've done a few bouts of involuntary "intermittent fasting" delaying breakfast into lunch time, etc, but with diabetes you can only push this so far. I just ate now for first time, [at around 11] but know more hunger pain will come in the afternoon. <br /><br />The food pantry food still sucks too. Beggars can't be choosers but why can't people tell them, we can't eat all sugar and carbs? There's a few decent finds like a bag of almonds I've been eating a few out of at a time for acouple of months, but one box had 3 bags of sugary granola, 3 bags of frozen sugary fruit, and other foods I can't eat. I've had to eat macaroni with some government Velveeta-like cheese they've passed out. It's always starch and sugar city and you never see ingredients for actual meals. <br /><br />Our household is on the edge of collapse. Emergency mode is here, where I'm boxing up what I can and selling what I can. My rent is paid on time because of my disability check, but there's no money for anything! I'm two weeks late on the electric bill. Get this, my husband works all the time at his freelance and gig employment but it's so little money, the bills are destroying us.<p></p><p> My clothes are getting frayed again and like usual my self esteem is dropping like a rock as a result. My walker is taped together, with the ripped up handles wrapped in layers of duct tape. I'm wearing old shoes falling apart because the shoes I saved from Trump money times, sadly are too tight, and I didn't gain weight since then!<br /><br />Friends have helped us. Thank you friends, but you get scared of being a burden to your friends. Always a taker instead of a giver, what a cursed life! We got three years free of the food pantries and other BS but now we are back in the poverty zone. I'm sure my rich mother and sister won't be going without food. My mother's pantries were always full to the bursting level with two full refrigerators and two freezers. <br /><br />God always votes against me. I don't know why. I wonder if God will send my mother more money while allowing me to be crushed. I didn't want much, just a life with basic bills paid, able to do art work, go to a few groups, see a few friends. One reason I left the UU church is they gave a lot more damn about wealthy trans people with the cash to alter body parts than any poor people. I was still planning to write the pastor an email about why I left, and that may be mentioned. At least one guy there still helps us with car repairs, I like him, he's nice, but wonder if he questions some of their priorities too. He gave our car a jump the other day. </p><p><br />We disagree about what to do. I want to sell everything off and leave. There's no future here. I wonder if we should go find a boarding house or rental room but my disabilities are too severe to live with any strangers. If we are going be poor, at least let's get a life not gutted by bills and living on the constant edge and go live around other poor people so we are not lonely. We failed to "adult"! I have stuff to post and sell today. Selling a starving artist wall painting for 40 bucks--not painted by me, it was a decorative item, bought dinner the other day. If I was healthy, I'd maybe chose van life or other alternatives. <br /><br /> Let's have rent that doesn't totally blast my disability check out of the water. Imagine a disability check vaporized in one day from rent and electric bill--the electric bill money had to go to something else last week. Oh yeah it was the 60 dollar car oil change which was overdue, and something else. By the way car oil changes used to cost 30 dollars just two years ago. My husband shares his money, all money is considered each other's money but what's the use of that if there's none left? I'm paying for a life that lacks meaning at this point beyond "survival". Why the hell don't I ever meet anyone poor like me, who can talk about it? Why do I always have to be the one in the ditch?<br /><br />Maybe the places where you have rent for 500 a month, aren't the fanciest but we can't afford the nice stuff around us here anyway. Even subsidized may not save us, since we ride the edges of the cut off income. I get the feeling they don't want many married people in those places. The list could come up this summer or next year, there's no way to know. <br /><br />He wants to stay in the land of wealthy boomers. I told him while there's doctors and charities here, my life quality now sucks, there's no one to relate and we can't pay all these bills anymore. I understand why he is wary. Things could get worse. The work-world is hell for autistics. I believe one reason husband's career has been so troubled, is he has major traits of autism though he remains undiagnosed. If his best friend is autistic [told by his counselors] and his wife is autistic, do the math. I know autistic people in their 50s who still live at home. One in town here, struggles to get jobs, he gets hired for short periods of time in his case but then gets laid off far too easily. My husband could keep employed for longer periods of time but always got pushed to the back of the room. </p><p> All the politicians and leaders have done is crush us. They suck. They destroyed my life with their Covid shit, got away with MURDERING millions, yeah I will call it murder, and now are destroying us via the economy. Look at the food prices on that video. That's what it costs here. Who can afford that crap? Even the middle income people have to be losing it now since their overhead is far higher. He has another video where he goes through the COSTCO, and everything costs so much, it must be all for millionaires. I couldn't even see someone making 100,000 a year affording that garbage.<br /><br /> I can see the streets filling with homeless people. One thing that pisses me off, is how they keep <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2023/09/07/business/us-economy-biden-approval/index.html#:~:text=By%20almost%20any%20objective%20measure%2C%20Americans%20are%20doing,SSRS.%20That%E2%80%99s%20up%20from%2050%25%20a%20year%20ago.">gaslighting us about the economy through official channels,</a> the same bullshit, that is papering over all the health effects from the Covid vaxx. I can't even tolerate reading any "liberal" website as they still gloat over Biden. Maybe most of that crap is written by rich trust fund kids. Biden sucks. Biden/Trump whatever, they all suck!<br /><br />I don't know what to do. My husband's applied for new jobs. He can barely walk [this is a chronic problem] and even last night when we went to a friend's art opening, he had a lot of problems getting around and had to sit down to rest quite a bit. If we had money, I'd buy him his own sit-down rollator too. He should have been on disability years ago. He already makes minimum wage [10 dollars an hour in this state] full time a week at his remote work, so trying to get a retail, fast food or other low level job wouldn't change anything. His lack of a vacation or downtime, shows. Imagine a life where you never get time off work, or have to always worry about bringing in money every second. </p><p>I'm shutting everything off--well the only thing to shut off is rock bottom basic cable, but we can't afford that either. A friend got me a firestick which was nice. I tried to talk him into shutting off the long distance line but he says he needs it for work along with the Internet. I have to keep my transcribe phone going [40 dollars a month] for communication.<br /><br /> At least he doesn't have to drive anywhere except a few events he covers for freelance. We have discovered Indeed seems to just have listings that lead nowhere and there are tons of jobs now, that are nothing but scams. He applied for government jobs and never hears back, even remote ones. The "labor shortage" is a lie. They are destroying the economy too via "controlled demolition" and lying about it. <br /><br /><br /></p>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-34200795400766352812023-10-27T11:26:00.003-07:002023-10-27T11:31:16.309-07:00A new poem by me: What Being Poor Means<p><i> </i></p><p><i></i></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEji1krId1jc7Lh_WOQRxiqFCqcCq22pkLl8R4juCTyY7WbPVyx0t8sLmzE4VUI8yMGNbSYVWoGe0m5Ber-9xHvkFg2tQrJpcJjbzqDSAk_SR98n1YshU5KnCx-fSvCwEug9dEFFSecLH-KawjoH6wLZg_eynWWL1Ag2kpbuGnib2QmrUkbYMm3Q9moKnENG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="526" data-original-width="314" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEji1krId1jc7Lh_WOQRxiqFCqcCq22pkLl8R4juCTyY7WbPVyx0t8sLmzE4VUI8yMGNbSYVWoGe0m5Ber-9xHvkFg2tQrJpcJjbzqDSAk_SR98n1YshU5KnCx-fSvCwEug9dEFFSecLH-KawjoH6wLZg_eynWWL1Ag2kpbuGnib2QmrUkbYMm3Q9moKnENG=w238-h400" width="238" /></a></i></div><i><br /> <span style="font-size: x-small;"> <b>Peep falling down the ladder yet again!</b></span></i><p></p><p><i>If I publish any of these I'll have to take it down but for now will post it here. When Fat Pat is done, I'm planning an art chapbook/zine of my poetry and art combined. Probably paintings related to what the poems are about. We are sinking back into poverty. My husband just learned of a new layoff to come for one half of his freelance work. This shows really bad economic signals. Think "Depression" not recession. Hopefully he will be able to find more work, but my life is in upheaval yet again with the "bottom falling out". Anyhow here's a poem about what being poor means. </i></p><p><b><span><br /><u>What Being Poor Means</u></span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>I think of the brown briefcase</span></b></p><p><b><span>with a million dollars,</span></b></p><p><b><span>my favorite talkative bus driver</span></b></p><p><b><span>found in 1996 under the seat </span></b></p><p><b><span>I usually sat in. He turned it in. </span></b></p><p><b><span>Was he insane?</span></b></p><p><b><span>Not on the work schedule that day</span></b></p><p><b><span>this shimmer of change</span></b></p><p><b><span>vaporized.</span></b></p><p><b><span>One slight peek of the green paper</span></b></p><p><b><span>and I would have left the city of </span></b></p><p><b><span>Big Shoulders that night</span></b></p><p><b><span>for a new state. </span></b></p><p><b><span>No more bus for me.</span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>God is the angry Dad behind the door</span></b></p><p><b><span>that always says No</span></b></p><p><b><span>and ignores you</span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>My religious years</span></b></p><p><b><span>were spent reading the bible daily </span></b></p><p><b><span>My pastor preached God blesses those</span></b></p><p><b><span>who obey him</span></b></p><p><b><span>Now pay your tithe of 10 percent!</span></b></p><p><b><span>Some of us never could afford it</span></b></p><p><b><span>I could quote Deuteronomy to Revelation</span></b></p><p><b><span>It didn't fix things</span></b></p><p><b><span>God didn't listen</span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>I didn't care about the suburban house</span></b></p><p><b><span>or diamond ring or fancy vacation</span></b></p><p><b><span>Thrift stores were heaven</span></b></p><p><b><span>We just wanted meaning </span></b></p><p><b><span>purpose and direction</span></b></p><p><b><span>and the threats to stop.</span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>All the bad stuff came true</span></b></p><p><b><span>as we await another world war</span></b></p><p><b><span>another vat for trillions of dollars</span></b></p><p><b><span>The church family was vaporized</span></b></p><p><b><span>with the crash of 2008</span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>Prayer was begging for the boot</span></b></p><p><b><span>stomping on the face of humanity </span></b></p><p><b><span>to stop. </span></b></p><p><b><span>The hand with the Play-Doh </span></b></p><p><b><span>squeezed harder.</span></b></p><p><b><span>We faked "gratitude"</span></b></p><p><b><span> but only found it outside</span></b></p><p><b><span>away from civilization</span></b></p><p><b><span>a few sunsets</span></b></p><p><b><span>with red in the sky</span></b></p><p><b><span>above the waters</span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>The ultra rich never lack a dollar for war</span></b></p><p><b><span>and have the money to sell it </span></b></p><p><b><span>And we are supposed to cheer for the billions for death</span></b></p><p><b><span>in their endless human destroying resets</span></b></p><p><b><span>as we sink under the waves. </span></b></p><p><b><span>Its time to refuse.</span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>Duper's Delight exploding across </span></b></p><p><b><span>little troll faces in suits</span></b></p><p><b><span>too many Napoleons with</span></b></p><p><b><span>glints in the eye yearning for pockets to empty</span></b></p><p><b><span>The fraternity rewarded sociopathy</span></b></p><p><b><span>No soup for you!</span></b></p><p><b><span>They don't care about the children</span></b></p><p><b><span>they destroy.</span></b></p><p><b><span>But everyone does what they say</span></b></p><p><b><span>with minds full of coins</span></b></p><p><b><span>cold to the touch </span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>Grocery shopping in shame with the plastic card</span></b></p><p><b><span>that always says No. Not Today</span></b></p><p><b><span>Guilt for bread as the groceries cost too much</span></b></p><p><b><span>Cheese is a treat from the food pantry</span></b></p><p><b><span>Cabbage for the Willy Wonka grandparents</span></b></p><p><b><span>always boiling and stinking on the stove. </span></b></p><p><b><span>The farmers worked so hard</span></b></p><p><b><span>but saw instant rewards in black dirt and community</span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>It's having no home, and looking at maps</span></b></p><p><b><span>Where can we pay 500 dollars a month in rent</span></b></p><p><b><span>[to scramble more back] but still find a doctor?</span></b></p><p><b><span>Appalachia? The Upper Pennisula? Maine?</span></b></p><p><b><span>Johnstown Pennsylvania?</span></b></p><p><b><span>One city already died with abandoned houses</span></b></p><p><b><span>and now another is pushing you out.</span></b></p><p><b><span>The poor are the outcasts</span></b></p><p><b><span>and don't even have each other anymore. </span></b></p><p><b><span>"Lets stay here!" but then how do we survive?</span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>The affluent live in another world</span></b></p><p><b><span>some can't even imagine.</span></b></p><p><b><span>The ones with lands, family and farms want the</span></b></p><p><b><span>safety nets cut away</span></b></p><p><b><span>The ones with good corporate jobs</span></b></p><p><b><span>go with the causes of the system.</span></b></p><p><b><span>The poor are to be hidden away</span></b></p><p><b><span>So they don't talk about them anymore. </span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>The tent cities are everywhere now</span></b></p><p><b><span>but this time, they don't put them in the news</span></b></p><p><b><span>The new invisible people</span></b></p><p><b><span>all knowing they are not seen.</span></b></p><p><b><span>Hardworking people now with nothing</span></b></p><p><b><span>their car-bedroom </span></b></p><p><b><span>towed away </span></b></p><p><b><span>Walmart shuts down the overnight parking</span></b></p><p><b><span>People losing motivation</span></b></p><p><b><span>because getting ahead only</span></b></p><p><b><span>happens for the connected and</span></b></p><p><b><span>superstars now </span></b></p><p><b><span>and the costs have shot up like rockets.</span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>This country is dying</span></b></p><p><b><span>because the greedy rule</span></b></p><p><b><span>They don't care about us</span></b></p><p><b><span>was the truest statement ever. </span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>Today I have no mice scampering across the floor</span></b></p><p><b><span>Today there's some food in the kitchen</span></b></p><p><b><span>There's medicine available</span></b></p><p><b><span>The rent was paid on time</span></b></p><p><b><span>but all these things can so easily disappear</span></b></p><p><b><span>One must prepare lest things get wiped away</span></b></p><p><b><span>And that deer in the headlights feeling</span></b></p><p><b><span>never goes away. </span></b></p><p><b><span>the alone panic</span></b></p><p><b><span>helplessness isn't always learned.</span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>There's a reason people smile less</span></b></p><p><b><span>we all think of escape to the woods now</span></b></p><p><b><span>and a world that makes sense.</span></b></p><p><b><span>They invaded our lives three years ago</span></b></p><p><b><span>and ruined many.</span></b></p><p><b><span>and still there's no accountability</span></b></p><p><b><span>their lies will fill history books yet again.</span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>Standing on that road lost alone in the big city</span></b></p><p><b><span>knowing there wasn't another soul in the world</span></b></p><p><b><span>who cared [before I met my love]</span></b></p><p><b><span>made it's mark. </span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>We dug, dug, dug out</span></b></p><p><b><span>three times now</span></b></p><p><b><span>to the working class</span></b></p><p><b><span>Up and Down</span></b></p><p><b><span>boxes piled to the ceiling</span></b></p><p><b><span>so many goodbyes</span></b></p><p><b><span>just to survive</span></b></p><p><b><span>There used to be tribes</span></b></p><p><b><span>to share troubles and solve problems</span></b></p><p><b><span>and now there's cold paper</span></b></p><p><b><span>and a few friendly souls</span></b></p><p><b><span>with a box of food</span></b></p><p><b><span>but in reality no money</span></b></p><p><b><span>means others shrink away</span></b></p><p><b><span>Some can hide it until the clothes</span></b></p><p><b><span>start to fray. </span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>Once a can man always a can man</span></b></p><p><b><span>Those newspapers were heavy</span></b></p><p><b><span>and cookie trays, and wheelchairs</span></b></p><p><b><span>What can we sell today? </span></b></p><p><b><span>Some poor went to the fairground to sell scraps</span></b></p><p><b><span>I sold a painting to Ireland</span></b></p><p><b><span>Garage sales of lives</span></b></p><p><b><span>and Storage Units of</span></b></p><p><b><span>lost Souls.</span></b></p><p><b><span>. </span></b></p><p><b><span>This one lady makes videos of the</span></b></p><p><b><span>Hutterite life.</span></b></p><p><b><span>Wish I was still young to convert in.</span></b></p><p><b><span>Grabbing on to</span></b></p><p><b><span>a practical focused life with other people in it</span></b></p><p><b><span>instead of a scattered one jumping from puddle to puddle.</span></b></p><p><b><span>Spare me from modern life</span></b></p><p><b><span>in this body.</span></b></p><p><b><span>A place to belong</span></b></p><p><b><span>Let's join a intentional community</span></b></p><p><b><span>Let's drop out.</span></b></p><p><b><span>"I don't want a thousand brothers and sisters"</span></b></p><p><b><span>We should have done it when we were young.</span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>These bills fly around me like white bats with</span></b></p><p><b><span>sharp teeth. Always threatening to chew me</span></b></p><p><b><span>into a paste, and tear my clothes into rags. </span></b></p><p><b><span>Some of us don't believe in the system</span></b></p><p><b><span>because it never worked for us</span></b></p><p><b><span>The men behind the desks always said No.</span></b></p><p><b><span>and begging only makes it worse. </span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>The doors were shut long ago. We lived outside</span></b></p><p><b><span>the fence and could see what laid beyond it</span></b></p><p><b><span>We saw how the sausage was made. </span></b></p><p><b><span>It changed us. </span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>My sister's husband makes 500,000 a year</span></b></p><p><b><span>she was a pride to the family</span></b></p><p><b><span>Celebrated and lauded</span></b></p><p><b><span>for the good fortune</span></b></p><p><b><span>of sitting on the right bar stool</span></b></p><p><b><span>married by 19.</span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>In the East they believe in fate</span></b></p><p><b><span>Maybe because so many are poor</span></b></p><p><b><span>There was enough people to say</span></b></p><p><b><span>Maybe I didn't chose this</span></b></p><p><b><span>Maybe it just happened.</span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>Wojack and pals as wage slaves</span></b></p><p><b><span>at least still had their health and</span></b></p><p><b><span>crypto to give hope, Doomer</span></b></p><p><b><span>knows the score of a collapsing</span></b></p><p><b><span>system and the fact the asylum</span></b></p><p><b><span>is on fire</span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>We were so responsible</span></b></p><p><b><span>We tried</span></b></p><p><b><span>but it always fell apart.</span></b></p><p><b><span>Nothing genteel about poverty</span></b></p><p><b><span>and the edges it gives you</span></b></p><p><b><span>that the normal people find too sharp. </span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>There were so many I wanted to help</span></b></p><p><b><span><br /></span></b></p><p><b><span>At the casino where I've never been, there's lots who lose and a few who win</span></b></p><p><b><span>and the ones who lose, you never hear about. They slink</span></b></p><p><b><span>back to their grey rooms at night, mourning their lost money</span></b></p><p><b><span>Bent over the computer, the dreams of another life</span></b></p><p><b><span>is all that keeps them going. </span></b></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-33253345107762632472023-10-27T10:49:00.006-07:002024-01-11T09:14:02.437-08:00"Go Back to Your Life!"<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgKA1NXdSrrNDR2g_h3LOsFUpPWavQJuDRBcFKzJ1K1EcZVUdQYjS56n1eD2-m2OGAZUKGktZ_1FLWLwI8c3YtHem58GAqvG2HU3iwdTPJDfdxTJAspiJB8dCTJk3BKnpyk2BrL86JIZ3ysPuqD3GrJuSa27o7LNrN14xROlkqMk1SbhiyI295kDPotGBX1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="601" data-original-width="840" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgKA1NXdSrrNDR2g_h3LOsFUpPWavQJuDRBcFKzJ1K1EcZVUdQYjS56n1eD2-m2OGAZUKGktZ_1FLWLwI8c3YtHem58GAqvG2HU3iwdTPJDfdxTJAspiJB8dCTJk3BKnpyk2BrL86JIZ3ysPuqD3GrJuSa27o7LNrN14xROlkqMk1SbhiyI295kDPotGBX1" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br />My doctor yesterday basically told me to give up all this Covid crap. I want to. I'm glad my husband was there to hear it. </div><br />Yesterday I saw the doctor, I'm not doing that great fighting off Candidiasis yet again and my blood sugar is high though there is less food from the groceries being so high in cost. The horrible sores keep coming back and there is another appointment needed to deal with that. <div><br /></div><div>My house call doctor [NP] is supportive of me seeing the functional doctor, he is serving as support while they keep my main case. The functional doctor told me he wanted me to stay with them. The functional doctor believes I have thyroiditis, and MCTD instead of UCTD. The rheumatologist believes it's still UCTD, but I don't know all the ins and outs. How bad is full lupus? My forehead is broken out in sores, there's other life damaging sores and fatigue that feels like it's going to kill me, but I still came out "stable" on my rheumatology tests. [not in full lupus]<br /><br /> The doctors always tell me to walk and move around. I do think some fat bias could be with that stuff but then maybe they just mean well, and don't want me to become immobile. This practice deals with a lot of super-fat people along with elderly, many of them are completely bedbound and wheelchair bound. She thinks I am depressed [true] but the fatigue is beyond that. <br /><br />More sunshine, movement and people definitely could not hurt. <b>She told me, speaking of the masks: <i>"You shouldn't have to wear those masks anymore"</i> and said this directly, <i>"Go back to your life!".</i></b><br /><br />When a doctor [she's my regular NP] says <i>"Go back to your life" </i>it means something. Time to listen. She would know too if anyone was dying of or being hospitalized with Covid. My second NP said it too a few months back in a different way. She said my mental and physical health have been harmed. I know it. My depression is off the charts. I'm sure it shows. The problem is I don't have a life anymore. </div><div><br /></div><div>I have 3 regional friends and no groups except a 30 mile away art club in a rural area I visit about once every 4-6 weeks and a writer's group on Zoom. Winter will lower even those. If this was a normal world instead of hell or purgatory, I would go on a trip or visit some people or go find some happiness, but I can't afford anything. An art friend is supposed to have an art show, and its 40 miles away and I'm wondering if I can afford the gas. I wish it was closer because like usual I'm scared, of breaking down or not having money to handle problems. I want to be there to support her. <br /><br />So there's not much of a life to go back to. I had a life before, it worked. Things aren't working now. Before all this I was really involved in that Unitarian Universalist church, it is sad how things went. It was a great place for me for years. I just chose to focus on the good things and they did give me the gift of gardening for a few years. Covid destroyed that world for me. I'm planning to shut down my garden this week. <br /><br /> I had art classes, stamp group, and did other activities. Maybe I can get a life wherever I end up moving, I'm making sure any new places I go have some activities. If here I am looking for new things here too. Hopefully the Senior Center will help my life since we qualify this winter. <br /><br />My life is a complete mess. I did have some good things happen with the art show, and am glad I achieved that goal and selling a lot of paintings. I even sold a painting to someone in Ireland last week. I also completed another book illustration project too with a local author. I have goals to put up an ETSY page, and to complete FAT PAT. Fat Pat is now almost done at over 200 pages and try to get some stuff together. <u><b>You will soon see FAT PAT put up here. It is close!</b></u><br /><br />So I have been TRYING. The functional doctor told me he believes my severe weight is the results of inflammation, and hormonal problems. [well Lipedema too] He also says while they can treat severe sleep apnea, that it can keep weight high even while one is treated and on their CPAP every night. He is helping me. I will see what happens. I wish I had money to get more supplements and better foods. Next week I hope to buy some he wants me to go on. The functional doctor told me he believe Covid was real, but he doesn't wear masks as they make him feel ill. All my other doctors gave up mask-wearing months ago.<br /><br />Am I afraid in stripping off the masks? Yes I am. They damaged me. I'm scared because my oxygen started reading lower at 96% while wearing them instead of the usual 98% that I have had for years and years. It scares me. I think the doctor noticed too, and is growing concerned at the harms the Covid "lifestyle" did to me. I stopped wearing masks around friends around 3 months ago. <br /><br />We are stopping wearing the masks.<b> I walked into my apartment hallway without the mask for the first time in 3 and half years yesterday after she said this. </b>Am I afraid? Yes. They damaged me. The evil controllers of this world unloaded so much bullshit on billions of us. I am glad I did not take their genome invader and clot shot. That would have utterly destroyed me. I still am scared of catching something, but I know I will get sicker and die anyhow if I didn't change this. There's no going on like this. My mental health even forced removing the masks to see the friends. Physically I can't live life like this muzzled and with so few people in my life. So many connections have been destroyed. <br /><br />I had stopped wearing them around friends a few months ago, now stopping wearing them in apt hall and small stores. Maybe big stores too but I still feel nervous.<br /><br />The masks did create a lot of physical suffering for me. I got short of breath in them often. I couldn't walk too fast. That's sad when I'm on a walker, and now being curtailed and suppressed. My doctor wanted me to start taking walks again, I should have told her, I can't walk that far anymore, but maybe she just wanted me to amble around like I used to do. I can maybe walk 200-300 feet without a rest, I'm not even sure it's that much now. I can walk through a Dollar Tree still with a couple rests but that's pretty crappy isn't it?<br /><br />One reason the masks damaged me was walking sucked, even on my walker I would have to slow down constantly. This happened in stores and going to the doctor. I stopped walking because I live in a place where there's really no private place to walk without people, and was paranoid even outside for a while. Yes this is embarrassing but true. So I stopped taking my walks. Up to 18 months ago I was still following an exercise program, doing videos at home, but sadly the fatigue just grew so much worse and worse, all that energy just went into things like taking showers, cleaning, cooking and getting art projects done. <br /><br />Due to inactivity, I was scared to death of weight gain during lock downs. A 500lb person who used to be 700lbs could easily go back up, that is reality. I am glad I kept the weight stable at least, but this took effort. Hopefully the functional doctor will come up with more answers. He went deep into researching things. He even knew about abuse and PTSD issue that I faced. I was 504 two days ago. The 400s are at least in shouting distance. It would be nice to sink below 500 again. I was 460 in 2013. I told him I am in shock, that I am maintaining such high weight. With age, my appetite has gone down. A lot of foods gross me out, I am still hungry every 5-6 hours but whatever takes weight off is not happening. Due to poverty, food portions were cut down months ago even further. My husband has complained a little about any seconds being denied because I want to make sure there's enough for another meal. <br /><br />The functional doctor was really worried about stress affecting me. It is. I'm not sure how I am going to go back to my life or how I am going to get a life now. It's hard. So much is in the air. My life was difficult before Covid. Then Covid took away the life I had managed to build. Some here may understand why that was so overwhelming to me. Many people have had their lives destroyed by these psychopaths. My shock remains in how few people have protested or fought back. My losses are more mild compared to people who lost their lives or loved ones. Some should go file lawsuits, I know about a few doing so on Twitter.<b> The masses aren't sleeping, they are in a damn coma!</b><br /><br />I waited things out this long due to my very high risk. I don't even know anyone who has been in the hospital for Covid for more than 2 years. I believe something made people sick in the early days there was too much evidence for that but things got dragged out. <b>Even if Covid is real and endemic now, it's been almost 4 fucking years. I can't give up living my life anymore. There's only so many years left anyway in a body like this one. I want to have a life again.<br /></b><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-44085623515273021782023-10-25T07:05:00.002-07:002023-10-25T07:07:32.221-07:00Societal Narcissism: The Baby Boomer Will Die On Their High Horse<p> </p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/oFHZfMg8Nu4" title="Societal Narcissism - The Baby Boomer Will Die On Their High Horse" width="530"></iframe><br /><br />This is a scary video that Ollie covers. The "estranged parent" backlash is out there. I have to admit this woman gave me the willies. My mother was more the cold fish kind of narcissist instead of the 'fake caring enmeshment" kind but I got triggered watching this video because this woman reminded me so much of a now ex-narcissistic friend or combinations of narcissists I've dealt with. The same look in the eyes, the air of elevation and acting like they are perfect is all familiar. <br /><br />It's true the "estranged parent" world is lashing back and we know we will never see true apologies but just excuses from these sorts. Notice how this woman shows off her wealth, my world is full of people like this and it's scary. Ollie's right about how she stages her video to show off her wealth and body clad in tight exercise gear.<br /><br />Wouldn't doubt her Facebook is full of endless vacation photos.<div><br /></div><div> I hope the daughter remains no contact and is able to find a happy life. One can see the cuts made to the daughter in the video, with the appearance of "fake caring". This includes the endless double-talk and more. I can see why the daughter ran and went no contact. All of us ACONS dealt with people like this who think they are perfect. You can see it in this woman. The daughter never would have any real apology or working things out. She's better off if she stays gone. </div>Five Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com2