tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post2417564706889149921..comments2024-03-24T16:53:02.846-07:00Comments on Five Hundred Pound Peep: My Brother Is Very SickFive Hundred Pound Peephttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-6023746379036536562015-06-02T09:02:41.281-07:002015-06-02T09:02:41.281-07:00Thanks for warning me. I can't travel there. J...Thanks for warning me. I can't travel there. Just not enough money and very old car and even Greyhound wants you in the bus for almost an entire day, which for me means extreme physical pain and ending up in the ER most likely then not. I can't fly due to physical problems either or money. Yes I feel some guilt, this reminds me when I missed my grandmother's funeral. <br />I agree it does matter who else would be there. I know my mother would come first and I would be an adjunct to it all. <br /><br />Sorry about your uncle. I just "disappeared" with many of the family members. Outside of my brother most had nothing to do with me. He actually I don't think even noticed I was missing because our contact was so minimal but it was far more then the other relatives. As you know I am conflicted about him and still care about him but he has voted on the side of my mother many times.<br /><br />My brother has some narc traits, that worry me but he is no malicious or malignant so understand your thoughts about your uncle completely. I know I face some guilt now even writing this, but sadly it was true at the time:<br /><br />http://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2015/02/fooled-by-my-brother.html<br /><br />I even said to him, I am sick, you have health problems, we should see each other but got no where. It makes me cry knowing my mother has seen him all these times, but then relationships are supposed to go two ways, aren't they? I find myself asking "Why"? [that one ex-friend never could understand the pain I have gone through]<br /><br />I am even asking myself what will I do if the worse happens? I was close to my brother for many years before distance and my mother got in the way. I know I could be facing the same decision very soon. It will be a tough one. This was someone who was a very important part of my life for many years. I want to thank you for warning me for what I could face. Some drama could be created, she may even try to block me from the services. Yes his wife does sound like a sociopath, her husband is dead and there she is.<br /><br />I find myself scared for him even with her abusive being around him. I can see her saying "You got what you deserved", and other mean things. I've seen her emotionally abusing other ill people. Maybe she will reign it in. I hope so.<br /><br />The Mini-Me doesn't care about or even love my brother. she doesn't love anyone. My mother probably will be bringing in the narc supply.<br /><br />I know I have to be cautious, even protecting myself from being hurt. This makes it all so complicated. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-86773111221651011252015-06-02T08:13:31.300-07:002015-06-02T08:13:31.300-07:00Even if you were able to travel there, based on my...Even if you were able to travel there, based on my own experience I'd say the damage outweighs the benefits. Even if the person in question is "acceptable" to make contact with, it does matter who else will be there.<br /><br />Last year, my uncle (mother's brother) died in an accident. The last few years I had quietly gone NC with him and his wife and kids: I didn't announce it, but simply "disappeared". My opinion of him is that he was shallow, materialistic, primarily concerned with his own image and social status. He was a shady businessman type, always looking to make money without too much regard as to the means. Still, I don't think he was actively malicious or out to destroy people. So when I got notified that he died, I thought of not going (mainly because I knew my MN brother would be there), but in the end I couldn't bring myself to refuse. I thought it too cruel to my uncle. I thought, "He deserves that much human dignity."<br /><br />I went to the wake and to the funeral, most of the time there watching out to dodge my own parents and brother. What little contact with them I couldn't avoid, left me almost physically sick. Yet the most informative experience came from my uncle's wife. She had attacked me several times before, so I knew that in "normal" times she was to be avoided. After the funeral, like <i>one hour after her own husband was buried</i>, she says to me "So, did you greet your mother?" with a sneer. My NC with my parents was always a source of amusement to her, and now it was plain. And the timing... if I wasn't sure she is a psychopath before, this was the ultimate proof. There is no way I will ever have anything to do again with that woman.<br /><br />So, I broke NC for that one, and came out of it determined not to break it again. I imagine if you do make contact with your brother now, even just on the phone or such, you may come to a similar conclusion.<br /><br />Take care.Nenadnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-77986775594616609932015-06-01T18:54:42.726-07:002015-06-01T18:54:42.726-07:00Hi Joan, thanks for understanding. Yeah he wouldn&...Hi Joan, thanks for understanding. Yeah he wouldn't come see me and I still don't understand why. He was less then 60 miles away [living 400 away] and refused at the behest of my mother who wanted to hog all his time and attention. I still don't get why he would not see me. He had the money. Yes he has invalidated my feelings too. I was surprised he called me to tell me. I can't make it down there, even a 2 hour trip is nearly impossible on me physically and this is an 8 hour one. 24 hours on Greyhound doesn't cut it and our car is too old and there's no gas or hotel money. I will talk to him before he has surgery but it is sad. Yes the Queen Spider will be crawling about. I know I will have to take care of myself too. Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-650289478442133391.post-58123417921187990382015-06-01T18:07:29.146-07:002015-06-01T18:07:29.146-07:00Oh my, I really don't know what to say. I can...Oh my, I really don't know what to say. I can imagine your feelings on this and it must feel terrible. I know your brother wouldn't bring his kids to see you, and he wouldn't take the time to see you when he has the resources. He's invalidated your feelings. There really isn't anything you can do, its interesting he called you though. Since Queen Spider will be crawling around, it will be hard anyway, despite you having resources to see him or not. I think you must take care of yourself first. Joan Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07775873193806083833noreply@blogger.com