Thinking About Modern Life and Small Towns are Better!

Today I saw this article...

"A Glimmer of Hope"

Over the past several days, that is exactly what I had the privilege to do. I have often written about how the "America" that so many of us love is fading away, but in many small towns throughout the United States that "America" is still very much alive. The truth is that there are millions of Americans that still place a tremendous amount of value on God, family and country. My wife and I are accustomed to big city ways, and so we were amazed at how friendly and how open the people that we encountered during our travels were. A lot of times the elitists that run this country look down their noses at those that live in rural communities and small towns, but the reality is that those are some of the greatest people this country has.

I agree with him. I got to live the small town rural life, and I miss it quite a bit. I visit as much as health allows and have kept in touch with friends there, but I will say this being circus lady fat is far easier in a laid back rural mecca, then in our go-go cities where things are far closed down, impersonal and everything about matching the status quo. In fact recently while things are never perfect for those in the highest stratospheres of weight, I was spoiled while living there. Big cities are far harder on the very fat, trust me on that.

Seeing Amish women at the library, is a bit nicer then walking down the street wondering if you are going to be mugged. Hey I can't run, remember that! OK where I live presently is not THAT bad, but it is far more urban, and I don't think I am going to get over the culture shock of rural vs. modern urban anytime soon. The connections are not here even between other people. Life is so closed down. When I was out at the local suburban large grocery store with my husband, I said, "What is with these people they do not look like they are shopping for groceries, but being herded into a prison camp, the expressions on the faces were so vacant, so depressed, no one smiled." OK I know I'm not the most perky person out there but I at least smile once in a while. I said to husband, "Do you realize while we were going about shopping, smiling and joking a few times, that we did not fit the norm?" He said, "Yeah I noticed too." Sometimes I think my old small behind the times town, has ruined me for many other places. Not to say things were perfect there either, the economy is doing even worse things to rural areas, but it really all made me think.

My ten years escape from the big city where I worked in social work with troubled teenagers before I was disabled immersed in the worse aspects of big city life, public transportation and work in the worse ghettos and all, to a small country rural town saved my life. I really believe that. One thing endocrine collapses brought on by stress, removing same stress helps.

Economics forced us here, and economics are keeping me here. Some said many your nostalgia is misled, but I know when I was back couple months, returning to the peace and quiet and friendlier people actually brought tears to my eyes, of HAPPINESS. So when the author of the link above writes:

My wife and I have also found that people in small towns are so much friendlier. Everywhere we went people were saying hello and were eager to get into conversations. We ended up talking with one hotel clerk for 15 to 20 minutes and he shared with us much of his life story. He was a real "salt of the earth" type of guy and it was interesting to hear his unique perspective on life. Every summer he makes jam and sells it in the hotel lobby and he encouraged us to stop by the next time we are in town to get some.

But he was not the only one that was extremely friendly. People were eager to talk to us and were genuinely interested in what we were doing wherever we went

I have lived that, and it was interesting to note that the people talk to each other more, there was more sharing. Now every area including the rural areas are being impacted, economic changes stripping away at these things, serious unemployment, Walmart having stripped many small businesses clean from our small towns and severe societal problems with meth or what have you, but I have lived the difference between a giant metro city, large cities and a small rural town, and would take the small town over the others any day. In other words in my early 30s, I got glimpses of a life, that seemed far far better. Where there still seemed to be some meaning to life beyond "fitting in". In the smaller places, there still are vestiges of what the Bowling Alone guy called COMMUNITY.

Call me nostalgia, nuts, not in touch with the times, and maybe you escaped your rural town and would never go back, but all of my experiences have led me to see these things in a differ net way.

I think America is getting fatter because the social connections are withering, life spent at desks and before screens just isn't as active of a life where people are together and doing things. Stress is far far higher and its not the acute stress of being chased down by a wolf or bear like maybe a pioneer would have suffered, but more acute low grade stress that may even take a greater toll. We do not have the same social contacts. Even if one keeps in touch, and visits people or gets visited, living far away from everyone you care about takes a toll. Some say "Move Home" but for many there is no home, everyone has cut loose to the ends of the earth. I found myself saying to someone the other day, DO WE HAVE ROOTS ANYMORE?

People now instead of finding meaning in life via God, or fellow human beings, family and having a niche in society no matter how small, are being relegated to scrambling to the top of the trash heap, trying to be the biggest, baddest, richest, whatever and everyone that fails to get to the upper tiers, is now called a "loser" seen as half a human being. My experience being disabled, has told me that happens to many folks out there where social isolation grows and things get tough. They get cast aside, it is scary to watch. In a world that grows more dog eat dog, things get tougher.

I know to survive today people have to work hard, I worked 60-70 hours a week before I was disabled so I get that piece. And look at me, our household had to move to economically survive rather then end up on a relatives doorstep. But are we all losing something? Aren't many things being lost as everyone gets squeezed from the top? If I was 20 and healthy again, I would take up organic farming and "drop out", my friends shake their heads, and laugh, you always have seen so many things differently fivehundredpoundpeep but it's true. Lets examine this life style of soul-less strip malls, endless traffic jams, go go go tasks and busyness, crazy work hours and living far away from those we love. Sometimes I think the Amish have to be laughing at us, who needs it all?

At one recent group I was able to get to, because the weather cooled down, one lady said "No one works harder then Americans now". I couldn't tell if she was proud of this, or despairing of it. Yeah we do out distant Japan now.

Remember in the 80s, when we got told they were dropping dead of heart attacks they worked so hard, well Americans [well those with jobs] are now outdistancing them. I've seen myself the destruction of LEISURE for people since the 1970s. I don't blame the people who have to work so hard, I remember even once working 4 jobs [nope I am not making that up, they were all part time] to keep a roof over my head but life is losing something.

One thing about modern life, everything seems to be becoming so dead, so closed down, so vacant, so CONFORMIST. Maybe something is off about someone middle aged, wishing they were born 50 years earlier, but modern life is getting weird. Everything good seems to be eroding. The American dream is dying. I am scared for the future that awaits our young people.

I do try, I think "I am disabled not dead". Even if a lot of time, I am housebound, I go out and get involved in poetry shows, have had acouple art shows in the past years, even trying to connect with the vast array of the more disconnected people in these parts, visit the too far away relatives who all live in different areas when weather is moderate and my health allows it.

But I think standing outside of the busy circus of life where I am a bystander I suppose due to my circumstances from afar, has brought many different questions to my mind. I wish more people would step back and question things. With the fat question, environment counts a lot and our environments aren't so good anymore.

TV Tells You What To Think About Weight [And Everything Else For That Matter]

I was thinking about this watching some commercials, why are fat women so rare on TV? Looking at CNN news, I noticed there seemed to be nary a difference between two female newscasters who were lithe thin and had the same wide tooth smiles.

America is turning into a nation of drones addicted to a mind-molding drug called television. Like alcohol, television is something that can be good in small doses, such as an occasional nature show or comedy equal to a daily glass of wine, and bad when we spend more than five hours per day ogling the all-seeing, all-knowing "boob tube" getting drunk on stupidity. One thing the TV trains us in is how we should look, and that means "NO FAT PEOPLE" at the top of the list.

Americans are allowing their lives and minds to be co-opted for the sake of easily-available electronic entertainment. We are amusing ourselves to death, and we don't seem to mind. Life is not meant to be lived but to be distracted from.

As a child, I can remember the regional differences that were once attached to fashions and stores; you could find some gumbo in Louisiana, and pasties in Michigan. Today, it is possible to travel the whole continent eating McDonalds, and it all tastes the same! Strip malls populate the land, and the same big box stores that look the same everywhere. People could be something other rather than skinny and blond and still be considered beautiful! A keg's worth of television has washed away all the subtle nuances of culture! So wonder France bans American television.


Watching television gives many harmful messages; here's an economy tour of the most gratuitous ones:

Fat people are no good and are to be ignored, or made into objects of ridicule.
Only skinny, pretty young people fall in love.
Women are supposed to be young, blond and thin.
Men are supposed to be young, buff and athletic.
Rich people are better than their poorer counterparts on the other side of the glittering capital divide.
Your life is boring.
Your life is meaningless unless you are famous.
Your life is not glamorous enough!

Television is leading to the enforced sameness of society by cleaning out the diversity, and replacing it with blandness. Television teaches Americans to buy products and to never question. Even counter-cultural movements are turned into commodities by television and turned into a shadow of their former selves. I know too many people whose life goals center around making money and buying whatever they see advertised on their almighty "god" of television. Television is preacher and priest of the religion of the status quo.

Unlike church, this minister lives in your house, and never leaves. Since everyone's got something to sell, the powers that be and corporations don’t want people to think, they just want them to buy! And you better be SKINNY too.

As recently as the Seventies, people actually used to do stuff like having block parties, visit neighbors, hike in the woods and do macrame'. Back in the 1800s it was even better; people would have socials, practice the art of conversation, quilt, go to church, and stay active. Now people sit in front of the television. Conversation has become more of a lost art! Television has replaced meaningful discourse.

Over the last decades involvement in the community has been declining. From the Jaycees to The Lions Club, service organizations are reporting less involvement, due to an aging membership. As shown by the shrinking percentages of voters in the U.S., life has become less of a participatory endeavor and more of a spectator sport.

Television has made some people more boring. Finding people who actually have hobbies today is hard, let alone people who can show responses to life that aren't programmed in them by such shows as "Friends," and "The Guiding Light,". Where people once read the Bible or Thoreau I know far too many people whose life goals center around making money and doing what they are told dictated by a box in their living rooms. For guidance, they now watch "Maury," or "American Idol".
Television is even affecting America's morality. Generation X bred on "Three's Company" and -- for the new crowd, "Sex And The City" -- are going to form different values than the ones promoted through the churches and family of old.

Television promotes violence, divorce and a looser sexual morality. People begin thinking that if they live like their favorite actors and starlets, they too can lay claim to their wonderful, supposedly pain-free lives. They also are modeling their looks after the starlets who in their anorexic glory are the reason everyone wants to be rail-thin, blond and wear the same type of clothes.

Famed critic Michael Medved has brought up the point of television not being honest about the ramifications of suffering and death, which is also true. Television also has made for more depression in that people are given the message that bad things only happen to villains -- not the reality that bad things happen to good people, too. He was correct about the damage television is doing. It is like a drug and its destroying our culture replacing it with an empty one. It is selling away our souls for the cheapest bidders leaving us drunk in the gutter with delusions of grandeur. It also has done endless damage to fat people when the whole world is told "how to look".

Driving Makes You Fat?

"Study Says Driving Correlated With Obesity"
Remember all my talking on this blog about how the modern American lifestyle, is toxic on so many levels? Hey there is nothing wrong with cars or taking trips I don't want to go back to the horses,and trust me the public transportation system for fat people is beyond a nightmare, but who ever thought driving an hour each way to work, was ever a good idea?

"There is an interesting statistical link between driving and obesity, but it’s not clear exactly what this link means. It certainly doesn’t automatically mean that taking public transportation is physically healthier for you than driving. As Anne Lowery noted in Slate, any long commute is bad for you, no matter what mode of transportation you’re using. The problem isn’t driving, so much as having to cover long distances on a daily basis:

In the past decade or so, researchers have produced a significant body of research measuring the dreadfulness of a long commute. People with long transit times suffer from disproportionate pain, stress, obesity, and dissatisfaction. The joy of living in a big, exurban house, or that extra income left over from your cheap rent? It is almost certainly not worth it."

The stress raises cortisol levels, think about how you feel in traffic, its the most harmful kind of low grade burning slowly but not ending stress.. Ah one thing I miss about my old rural town is the lack of traffic jams, the peace and quiet could send me back TOMORROW.

Happier on Days I Can Forget I'm Fat

They do happen, usually when surrounded by friends, and having some fun. I can touch the end of "normal", and when the weather is cool, my lungs are behaving, and I go to some small stores, and with the help of my hearing aid have fun conversations with my friends, life can look very bright. The other day, I was with my niece and nephew who I know love me, for who I am despite the weight. Fortunately I have many of those types of people in my life.

I believe one day when I am in heaven, that I will not be fat, and the body "will work" and I have prayed prayers to God--knowing that God would know all, and what I ate, and what I tried to do...

One thing I know I complain a lot about being fat, but this blog does deal with some hard issues admit that. Who can get cheery about being 500lbs? Its kind of like writing a blog on cancer, which I consider obesity at my heights to be an even worse disease in some facets. It may not be the cheeriest thing every minute. I know I am a person beyond the weight and do manage to get those times, where its not shoved in my face, where I can be a human being first, and thankfully have people in my life that treat me that way. Other parts of my identity, I do separate from being fat.

Its been a life long issue, some of the voicelessness concerns me. To my last day, I will know my body never operated normally and I see even when I sit next to normal thin women, I am not formed in the typical way [the size 13 feet and my giant head are sort of clues.]

But one can have things they are happier for, a free mind, intellectual interests, religious faith in God. The thing that worries me is how society is growing more harder on the fat, I do not think I am imaging this, I have seen some changes, even as I have grown older. Even as the numbers of fat people go up, the stigma seems to rise up as well. Some of us have to speak out even if its very very difficult. One thing many people my size go hide in the house even the ones that can breathe and walk and manage, due to stigma alone. I refuse to. The weather and lungs may keep me in on many days, but I won't walk with my head down, beaten down and shut down.

I was thinking about this the other day, thinking JUST LET ME LIVE, You do not have to remind me I am fat every other second. We know, we honestly do. Happiness in life is found outside of the weight prison. If I lose more good, but if I do not, then I do not want to be told I am a bad person. That number should only matter so much.

Update on The Fat Hating Doctor

The Fat Hating Doctor
I got my old doctor [well nurse practitioner] back. I just told them what happened, didn't have to make too much fuss. I was pleased to get her back. She has helped me to reclaim better health. I am trying to be more active and doing more then I was able. Oh I was relieved!

Fat Women and Beauty Salons

Notice how tight those chairs are? If a woman is over 200lbs, that'd be a tight fit. Many of the salons give the message that they do not want you if you weight over 250lbs. How do they do this? Well you walk in and you see the thinnest chairs ever with these hard wooden arms. This happened to me recently even after I made it up the short staircase in the front. How many fat women over 300lbs know that they are not welcome to the beauty salon? It is a world that is lost pretty early on. Here there is a nail salon wanting to charge every fat patron, an extra 5 dollars. And you wonder why are all their chairs made for thinner people when the population has grown more fat? I haven't had a professional hair cut in 7 years, mostly doing my own trimming, in my previous community I had a friend who could cut hair. My hair lately is not growing anyway, [I didn't need a haircut for 6 years during my weight gain at all] and is falling out again but for fat women who want to look pretty like other women, why do they make it so hard. When I see a 20 year old salon, with those tight sitting wooden chairs, that a friend of mine who is around 250lbs can barely fit in, that tells me they are saying "We do not want you!". I could not be the first fat woman who has ever entered that salon. They are turning women away out there. Here is another woman, basically told to get out of a salon who is filing a discrimination suit. Hey I am open enough to use ANOTHER chair in case they are afraid for their 3,000 dollar pedicure chair, but what I have noticed is they OFFER NO OTHER OPTIONS. Why does every chair in the place have to have arms on it? Part of me thinks that has to be on purpose.
You know its tough lately, I am trying to get out more when weather allows, and this is such a hard world for the very fat [I am glad I can do a few steps again, this wasn't possible a few years ago] and to be faced with this stuff, to me, it goes beyond ignorance explaining this all.

Comments I agree with on WLS

Wanted to show these, I was reading more comments from the previous article I blogged on..."Bariatric surgery doesn't help obese live longer"
This one I totally agree with. I often asked what is the difference between locking someone in a room and giving them very little food or locking up [chopping up the stomach]? There is no difference. It is basically forced anorexia, though I have heard from some WLS patients the head hunger never ends.

The surgery causes the body to lose weight because it makes a person anorexic (as in not able to take in adequate calories)... by drastically cutting down on the amount of food the person can take in. Not taking on adequate nutrition and calories causes the body to use excess fat AND MUSCLE as fuel... just as would happen if the person cut down portion sizes on their own. It is a forced portion control. The health problems caused BY THE SURGERY are from malnutrition because of the forced portion control. Sure, the weight is lost... however... it is not typically the healthy weight loss of someone eating normal portions (as in not super-sized portions) of healthy food. These people are having less than normal portions of many times, unhealthy foods. So... it isn't news at all that the people having this surgery aren't having their lifespan extended. It is trading obesity for starvation. And yes... they are starving their bodies of needed nutrients although they may not feel "starved". Someone who loses more than 2 pounds per week on a consistant basis is not losing just fat... they are losing and weakening their muscles as well. The main muscle that tends to fail on those who starve themselves is the heart. With a weakened, damaged heart muscles... their life will be shortened.

If gastric bypass works for you... it is only because you cannot overeat... it isn't a magic cure... it is a dangerous procedure that trades obesity for anorexia. Not mental anorexia... but physical anorexia.

Look up the side effects of gastric bypass (not the ones having to do with the week or two after surgery, but the longer term effects)... compare them to the physical symptoms of anorexia... you will see what I'm talking about.

Oh as you read the other comments, ignore the people who think fat people should just suck it up and eat 500 calories a day to be thin, that is not going to work either. A big fat body needs even more nutrients a day, the body will be demanding more food. For some of us, the metabolism drops if the food is dropped too low.

I believe in nutrition, nutrition keeps people alive. The diabolical side of the diet-industry complex is really shown for what it is, when they deny such a basics as nutrition to try and make fat people into thin ones.

Bariatric Surgery Doesn't Help Obese Live Longer--CNN

Bariatric Surgery Doesn't Help Obese Live Longer--CNN

Wow, they are finally admitting it. Here is what I have seen, because of my time in size acceptance and befriending folks with like problems online, I know MANY people who have had weight loss surgery. I believe one friend of mine is dead today as a direct result of that surgery, but I knew 5 personally who died, either on the table, or from the side affects that came later. At least two had to be put on respirators, to make it out of the woods right after the surgery. A 500lb man I met in NAAFA had it done and was dead a year later. I believe the nutritional problems is what kills you in the long term--some even do well a few years down the road, to get more autoimmune and other problems, while the surgery is far more dangerous in the short term for what comes.

That said, I understand why some take this spin of the roulette wheel. Dieting fails. I have had to depart from dieting many times to even control the resultant depression and self-hatred that comes from seeing no results, that includes a college try with Weight Watchers a couple years ago. Now I try to eat only when physically hungry, stay busy and try to take one walk a day--even if its short and barely would be considered a walk by thin people. Fat people get tired of being put down and want to be like everyone else. Some may see me as having "given up" but I am tired. Unless you can come up with something that kills all hunger pain, or allows me to go over 8 hours without passing out from not eating, I want to be left in peace.

The whole WLS thing makes me angry, because I find myself thinking that the money, research and effort could be put forth something that actually works, and does not entail having people have their guts rearranged and has so much pain and torture attached. The worse thing too, and I saw this with friends, is if your weight loss surgery fails, YOU ARE BLAMED, they tell you that you are out eating the surgery, that you are not doing everything "RIGHT". So it doesn't change those problems.

One thing that keeps me from weight loss surgery, is I know the torture of digestive problems that impact ones life. I have finally just come out of severe bowel problems where I wondered if I was at that end of my life, and "cured" things by removing all fat, chlorine sprayed lettuce and MSG from the diet. The severe IBS can still be triggered though on far rarer occasions via anxiety. One cannot function while in pain, and or barfing, even reading a book, or taking a nap, is beyond one's function. All of life is surrounded by pain. So having already suffered this, I'm not ready to sign up for more.

Here's the deal, while this surgery for SOME, offers maybe a few years, of thinner life, and better mobility and function, down the long haul road it fails. I saw a diabetic become a far worse diabetic then ever before even at a thinner weight, I saw a friend die of heart disease, she had lost only 20% of her weight that had been previously far more controlled. I do not buy it as the magic panacea.

Getting bariatric surgery will not decrease mortality several years after the surgery, according to a study published in JAMA.

Although the weight-loss surgery has been shown to decrease weight and diminish diabetes, the older, severely obese male patients in the study were not living longer because of the procedure.

The study was to be presented Sunday at the Academy Health Annual Research Meeting.

For the severely obese, bariatric surgery is one of the most effective ways to reduce weight. The most common bariatric surgery is gastric bypass, which creates a small stomach pouch that restricts food intake.

The study conducted at Veteran Affairs medical centers followed 850 veterans who had bariatric surgery from January 2000 to December 2006.

When study authors compared the raw rates, patients who had surgery had lower mortality rates with 6.8 percent versus 15.2 percent after six years.

But when researchers compared the 850 veterans to 1,694 similar patients who did not have bariatric surgery, they found that surgery was not significantly associated with reducing mortality.

Matthew Maciejewski, of Durham VA Medical Center and colleagues concluded that “bariatric surgery does not appear to be associated with survival during a mean of 6.7 years of follow-up.”

Fat people deserve better.

Fat Hate Ads #1

Click on this one to make it bigger. The tall thin girl to the short fat girl, is saying "I love hanging out with you. All the boys keep looking at me." Ever wonder what the onslaught of this does to people over the long haul? Even a somewhat plump teenage girl, would be depressed seeing this ad, if she is boyfriendless that day. Also think of the narcissism now promoted to sell a product.

Are you a Sheeple?

I do not agree with everything on here, but pay attention to the FOOD and HEALTH questions!. And I want you to really ponder, how much we are lied to in this society especially about health issues and how much profit drives that whole shebang. With the GMOs, yesterday, I saw too perfect of a "heirloom" tomato, be careful out there, when the tomato has uniform folds in a big perfect circle, I thought instantly this is NOT natural! Who are they kidding? Wish I got a picture of it.

ARE YOU A SHEEPLE?

The Fat Hating Doctor

The other day, I get a call from my house call doctors, and they tell me I'm getting a new doctor, they removed the nurse practitioner I had for a year or more, and got along with well and assign me to this guy. Sigh...!

He arrives at the door, slight in build, probably around 4 inches shorter then me, one of those types of bodies that have never seen an ounce of fat. Lithe, one of those droid types that fill too many coffee shops. Not an independent thought in his head. I say hello, and walk out to open the door.

I get the feeling the guy does not like me, just on sight. What is scary is I know from the other doctors and professionals in the house call services, that there are other fat people and many of them are totally bed bound or wheelchair bound, some even far heavier then me up to even 300 more lbs. If this guy seems annoyed with me and is literally repulsed, how is he going to be with THEM?

He comes in and asks all the questions, basic check up stuff. I say I need a A1c {slipped up and said A1g or something like that but I'm tired} they are ok with that.....

The visit goes on...

He berates me over how much thyroid medicine I am on: "You really are on .475 micro-milligrams of Synthroid, my God!" Like it's my fault and there are people out there ready to mac on synthroid, and grind it up and snort it or something.

He tells me when I told him I was successful in reducing by quite a bit a pretty severe bowel problem by removing all MSG from the diet, [no more puking and digestive pain three times a week] and mention rice a roni as a sample food such as I could not eat [ie can eat normal rice but not processed], says, "What are you doing eating rice a roni, "You're diabetic, starches are bad for diabetics!". That is a lie and half. During my attempts to be gluten free, I had some time where starch was almost totally gone and that month sugars went sky high. But don't expect the brainwashed "geniuses" to listen.

Aggravated that there seems no sign, he ever read my chart, I told him about having PCOS. "PCOS is caused by being fat", he sneers. I retort, "I had brown spots [Ancathosis Nigrosis] by the time I was 12, the periods went poof by 19 even before I was fat. They have proven there is genetic components to PCOS, my grandmother had all the signs". He ignores me.

I tell him about my pseudo-Cushings diagnosis. He is so badly educated he has never heard of pseudo-Cushings. I realize I know more then this guy. He says "I never heard of Pseudo-Cushings". I said it means they never found the tumor source for the cortisol but I've been found to have high cortisol in my body. These tests were done when I was off the constant steroids they are pumping into me for asthma. "Why did they tell you all these things, that is silliness" insinuating I am just a fat butt that deserves everything I get." He mutters more shaking his head.

Remember I have lost weight, over the last year. Keep that in mind. The last doctor said I had massively improved as far as stamina etc. . And I get Mr. Wonder Boy of Fat Hatred at my door. He berates me for eating three meals a day. "That's too much." I guess he wants to be as skinny as a 14 year old the rest of his life and is projecting on to me. They tell diabetics to eat even more small meals a day.

He tells me to start taking magnesium, OK fine with that, the last labs were low. He then said "Did you ever have to take iron?", I said "No, I was told I was anemic a few times, but it was mild". He berates me for that, sneering "You were never anemic". Hey buddy!, you asked not me!

OK then the real fun gets started. They attempt to take my blood for the lab tests. The new nurse fails to draw blood so he jumps in. They keep going for the big veins, I said three times, "Take it out of my hand, that is where it works!". Some previous more competent types have succeeded elsewhere, but that is my advice for those who have problems. He is flipping my wrist over in an awkward position and twisting my arm, and then getting mad even at the smallest movement. They try three times. I repeat, "DO THE HAND!". NO ONE has ever failed to draw blood from me before, and I've had it done hundreds of times. I keep thinking, OK, I am one of their most mobile fat patients using their services mostly because my breathing is compromised in hot and cold weather, he has fatter patients to go to or very elderly people who will have more delicate and vulnerable veins, how is that going to work out for THEM?

He refused me thrush medicine, I wanted a refill, of course I was just some crazy woman to him, rather then being believed when I said I need a few more days of it. the thrush is coming back. I guess my only hope, is going to get some yogurt, swishing it around in there and spitting it out, because I am allergic to all dairy for full digestion. Oh I was blamed for the thrush too. I'm on Advair , its listed as a side affect, yes I rinse, but then who believes the patient anymore? Guess when they told me Flovent doesn't cause weight gain, I should have believed them then too.

We got into about emergency antibiotics regarding my cellulitis. I said I need at least to either to have them prescribed immediately, or have an emergency script. When the infections hit, if I take an antibiotic, I can clear the infection up at home in some days, if I do not get antibiotics, I will be in the ER waiting, and that 7 hours can mean a 2 week hospital stay and IV antibiotics instead of cutting things off at the front end. Ive had only one infection this year, and was able to reduce their number--used to be 6-7 times a year but still...... He told me "you can't diagnose your own leg". I said "I've had this problem for 15 years!" He responded, "It could be just a rash", talking to me like I am retarded. He even manages to insult me for having better health, "You stopped having so many leg infections because you lost weight and your diabetes is more under control". Actually my diabetes has always been maintained--I was on Metformin even during pre-diabetes for a year and half, and I had lower sugars some of those years." but hey do not let truth get in the way of a stereotype". Odd that he is abusing me so much, even as I am being a "good" fat person who has lost some weight.

Just the fact I was not listened to was horrified. The guy muttered about my attitude and then I saw him write a few notes about me, I am sure they were bad ones, with a flourished signature underlining his narcissism. The weird jokes about being a "Superman" helping disabled people kind of gave me that hint, at the start of the session.

I called them about three hours later, had to wait to calm down, and said "DO NOT send that doctor back!" The office manager, gave me some quibbles about the "schedule" but says she will call back Monday, I am sure I will be made out to be the problem. If you have any useful advice about how to complain "officially" about a doctor who hates fat people, I am welcome to it.

I almost died years ago because of people like this. Arrogant, uneducated--probably only getting through medical school because of Daddy's money, refusing to listen. I realized this guy would be a danger to me no help at all. God help the other fat housebound people and yeah I will tell them that on Monday!