When You Refuse to be Meg Any Longer

These two videos are from Scapegoated Daughter. Meg has been mentioned on this blog before, watching Family Guy can be uncomfortable, because of this character.  She is the scapegoat of the family, and is ignored and put down all the time. While they expose the scapegoating ,at the same time, the show advances it, because they always have HER GIVE IN or COP OUT.

There's one episode where Meg goes to prison, and comes home hardened and she starts beating up her family, and she "owns" them for once, but backs down hating what she has become. Sadly instead of no contact, she gives in to them.

That episode really bothered me, because there were times when in reaction to my abuse, I would go off, and while I did not get violent enough to have cops called or hit anyone, it's like I was becoming THEM, and it was the only time there was ever a glimmer of respect. That sums up how many people become narcissists when raised by narcissistic parents.

 This one was definitely a disturbing episode. I only see Family Guy very rarely, but Meg has been kept a scapegoat. I have a bad memory about Family Guy,  it was on in the background at a family gathering and my brother joked that I was like Meg. I know he said it once on the phone as a "joke" too.

  "Three months later, Meg returns home with the mind and attitude of a hardened criminal, complete with a new thuggish and rebellious look. She immediately begins abusing her family, retaliating to the many years of abuse she had endured under them, such as rapidly beating up and curb-stomping Peter, raping him in the shower with a loofah, and using Lois’ shirts as toilet paper (while also keeping a "poop bucket" next to her bed and refusing to empty it until it gets full). In addition, she continues habits she picked up in prison, and beats up the kids who make fun of her at school, specifically Connie D'Amico and her friends, whom she hits with a sack full of unopened sodas, cracking three of the popular bullies' skulls open in the process, and tongue-kissing Connie afterwards, for which she is suspended. Wanting to start a new life away from home, Meg ambushes Brian in his car and threatens him with a gun to drive to Mort's Pharmacy so she can rob him. Brian, however, shows her the article he wrote, in which he describes her "far sweeter and kinder" than the typical American girl. Touched by the fact that Brian actually cares for her just as she was, Meg changes her mind and returns home with Brian; having changed back her normal personality in the process. Back at home, she makes a bad joke involving Wesley Snipes, and Peter, presumably not amused at this, ends the episode by saying "Always end on a strong joke".

In that episode while I do not condone the violence shown, the message was creepy near the end, where she backed down and said it was her lot in life to be abused. Where was the humor in that? I know it's a cartoon show but it made me wonder if there were any narcissistic writer's on staff, justifying the position of past scapegoats in their lives.

I had people tell me that it was my lot in life to maintain the role within my family, we probably all did, hearing...."but they are your family".  It is only in our modern more enlightened times, that people have heard about no contact and acted on it. Societal acceptance of leaving one's family except for the few boys who ran away to join the circus or the military was even less accepted. We are talking generations of people who believed this is the way things had to be.

Scapegoats who do stand up for themselves are programmed to feel guilty and apologize. I think of the times I apologized and cringe. To even do no contact most of us had to shut down all the "normal emotions" to make it stick, including false guilt. Emotions when it comes to malignant narcissists, are only tools for their manipulation since they do not have any except anger.

 Brian, the dog, is the only one with compassion, though Brian probably would remind some of us ACONs, as the standby enabler who behind the scenes tells us we are right about our "crazy parents" but who does what they want anyway. I had a few of those types who while they admitted behind the scenes I was a "nicer person" or they actually agreed with my stance on something would toss me under the bus post haste.

 Some years into no contact, I realized the depth of what was done. I got smart about how people argue or show one up, seeing the "game" from the outside definitely schooled me on how to avoid narcissists or being their target. Life got a lot easier for me as I was able to escape new narcissists. In fact one giant positive for me is having a life that is now narc-free.

This episode that was posted, where Meg argues with her entire family, well many of us past scapegoats have lived that. In part two she asks an interesting question, "Can this family survive without a lightening rod?" That's a good point about scapegoats being the emotional trash can. The answer is no, they would choose someone else to serve that role. She continues on the second video, "Maybe when I feel bad that means they don't have to" That sums up scapegoating quite well. It's also interesting, Stewie ,the baby, is basically a sociopath.  Some theorize malignant narcissism and sociopathy run in families. Perhaps Peter Griffin is on the histrionic wing of narcissism as he goes running to cry in the closet.

That also explains why people who treated us like they didn't want us around for years, when we finally walk, try hoovering us. I had recent hoovering attempts, they are desperate for their "forgive and forget" schemes and to get the scapegoat back in line. This many years down the road, it's kind of worrying, but other ACONs have faced this too. Since my new found happiness has been hard won, I am not going to turn my back and still plan on going forward.

 I worry about this cartoon though over all in it's treatment of a scapegoat. What messages is it giving society about scapegoats?  I know it's just a cartoon and obviously they get a lot of the toxic family dynamics right, but is there are a reason they always have her "give in"? Well I guess if she went no contact, the character would no longer be "there" to take any more abuse.

I think about how in many a family sitcom, there are scapegoats all over and this is almost seen as a natural way things SHOULD BE. That goes hand in hand with the dominator society values. They got to sell them on our programs where to treat people this way is seen as natural and normal. Where  in family systems, there's competition and "winners and losers" I like humor too, but sometimes the messages aren't so good. Years ago, it bugged me that every sitcom seemed to have a character that was the butt of everyone's jokes.  As a kid I hated how Rerun was treated on "What's Happening?" 

Even in the Simpsons, you can tell the parents genuinely care about the kids, but that's not true of the Griffins. One saving grace is that Meg says she will not see any of them once she turns 18, so she knows about no contact.