An Update: Writing More Posts With Another Writer
Lise of the "Misadventures with Angry Alcoholics, Bullies and Narcissists" blog and I are planning more articles together. So look for these to come up. She provides very detailed articles that go in depth about the processes of narcissistic abuse and I provide the more personalized renditions. Our last shared topic and article "The Betrayal of the Scapegoats" and "Do Scapegoats Hurt Other Scapegoats...? turned out quite well and was widely read.
The next topic we plan to do is rebellion and scapegoats. I plan to go into how the processed of being scapegoated affects one's view of authority and how this can bring out different outcomes. Some questions I will be asking are "Do Scapegoats Rebel?" I will be analyzing how scapegoats deal with authority, good and bad, and going into my own history on these matters. This will include discussions of totalitarianism, hierarchies, effects on one's career, and political outlooks. Many scapegoats are seen as rebels even unjustly and will be talking about that too. One area to explore for me personally is guilt over not rebelling enough or early enough or running away! I look forward to writing this article with Lise.
Another topic we will be covering are the pros and cons of going no contact. I told Lise, I wanted to write an article about the "dark side" of no contact but will include the positives as well. Is there a price to be paid going no contact? Is the trade-off worth it? Does the grief get better? What are some of the pit-falls or emotional mines one must traverse to go no contact? I will talk about the early years in comparison with the later years. There also has been some backlash out there against those who have gone no contact. Related to this topic will be much of the mythos about families that has changed with modern life and how does one manage a life with no family?
Still another future topic will be poverty and scapegoating. I have written about poverty issues for years on this blog, but want to go into depth. Why do so many scapegoats end up with failed careers or in poverty? How do some manage to escape poverty? [I'm poor now but even my household acquired some more stable working class years] This topic will include how narcissism improves the odds of success in American culture, and how narcissistic abuse can train one to fail and take crumbs off the floor. Life skills and goal-setting are not taught to many of the abused. This is a topic I have lived, so I hope to help others not end up in my same troubles. Homelessness is more of a risk for scapegoated people and I'm going to discuss that too. Being poor does give one a far more "outsider" to society view of the world.
Another topic I want to explore is "Abused and Fat, the Special Troubles of Fat Scapegoats" and talk about the experiences of those who have faced the double-whammy of obesity and scapegoating. Obesity is often worsened by stress and abuse. Narcissists also are very body-focused and use looks to abuse people. How does having a rejected body by society mesh with being a person who has been abused and rejected by their family?
I also am interested too in discussing the topic with scapegoating and sexism. What is the difference between male and female scapegoats? Are females more likely to be scapegoated than males? How does it affect males as opposed to females?
Lise mentions other articles too, we have discussed and planned. I look forward to all her writing on these topics and our collaborations.
As you read these topics, if you have a related experience you want me to share, please write me at fivehundredpoundpeep@gmail.com or comment on this post. Thank you.
I heard from a therapist years ago that I used to go to but who has since retired that narcissistic abuse from a parent can cause you to be disorganized and sometimes even a pack rat. I deal with this issue on a daily basis. I bring more stuff into my apartment than I can organize and I only get so far in organizing and cleaning and then break down in tears.
ReplyDeleteI am disorganized at work too and often forget to follow procedures. I've almost been fired over it. I feel so inept and if I could go back to that same therapist I'd ask why I am like this and what I can do to solve this problem.
I am also fat and consume more food than I should and I think these two things go together somehow. The first problem is consumption and the second is cleaning up my act in a way where my emotions and poor self esteem don't get the better of me. The mess that I live with is causing my poor self esteem, but emotionally and mentally I can't seem to get past it.
Another fact is that I am no contact. It hasn't solved the problem of me being like this.
I believe CPTSD can cause a lot. Being under the constant pressure of extreme anxiety and the threat of abuse every waking moment as a child can take a toll on emotional regulation, goal setting and other developmental tasks we all need to achieve as we grow up. I don't know if you are poor or not, but poverty in itself creates organizational problems. You don't have money to get things "done". One can get lost in details, and lack simple life skills and know-how because we were surrounded by screaming maniacs who taught us nothing. Some will do therapy, consult books, and try to fill the gaps they can. I read "adulting books" for autistics for years. With organization, getting rid of stuff helps. I'm getting ready for a would be move, and am constantly taking stuff out of here, it's gone too slow, but I think I am crossing a point where enough stuff is gone, it has become easier to clean. We also have had to sell off a lot of possessions due to the recent circumstances. I plan to give away some extra stamps that are too common to sell, and are taking up room today even. Use Buy Nothing and thrift store donations to get rid of things that are too good to throw away.
ReplyDeleteI read the book recently "The Body Keeps the Score", there's a lot in there that discusses the impact with trauma on the brain, and disorganization and emotional regulation is part of this. I plan to write about this one day, but I never have written about the sheer depth of my anxiety disorders though I have said a few things about them. I KNOW the abuse harmed me directly and in the way my brain operates, if you feel like you are always in danger, other developmental tasks get put by the wayside.
Do you think you have ADHD. [I have it, spoken of and dicussed by several professionals, it can be a co-morb with autism]
I hope the work procedures can get better and that your environment is not high stress. I attempted careers that demanded too much social interaction in my case.
With eating too much, try and plan your food ahead of time and what you will eat that day and when. I know here a low budget or no groceries, can make that far harder.
How long have you been no contact, some problems will ease up without them around to trouble you. No contact changed a lot of things for me, but sadly some challenges and troubles may remain life long. Sometimes it can be hard to see the impact. My no contact has been long enough, that I have mourned what could have been and realized the developmental and even medical needs I did not have met, and some of those things were pretty intense. Try and be kind to yourself. This world will beat up on us too without end and tell us nothing is ever good enough. If you can afford to hire outside help do it, try and make some goals in getting rid of things and changing life around as much as you can. Hope things get better.