Says it All: Look These Three Experiments Up....

 

Where are the Assanti Brothers Today?

 The Assanti brothers, were two brothers that appeared on My 600lb Life. I wrote about them both years ago on this blog. Malignant Narcissism on My 600lb Life.

It looks like some things have remained the same for Steven Assanti. He did lose some weight, down to 500lbs from 700lbs but spoke to Dr. Now of continuing difficulties. In the video, he claims he was able to overcome his drug addiction. 

My theory about Steven Assanti is that he has male Lipedema, his lymphedema is obviously serious. Notice how much thinner he is on the top than on the bottom. He definitely has other problems including food addiction but this is a problem that looks very neglected. This may explain why his weight loss surgery didn't take off more weight.

I am frustrated that this problem never seemed to be treated and his legs just grew worse. It was always shocking to me, they never even did the basics of compression therapy for his legs. Dr. Now focused on weight loss it seemed while ignoring his extreme lymphedema problems [no matter their cause]. Sadly his personality disorders are on display especially in the part of the video where he says he will get to focus on sex instead of food when discussing moving in with his new wife to be.

Steven says his wife is threatening divorce in this video due to his problems but it seems Stephanie Sanger and him are still married. I looked up his marriage online, and there doesn't seem to be any evidence they have divorced yet. 

Justin's life seems to have grown and his business running a hobby shop with models and gaming seems to have pulled off. I hope Covid didn't affect his business and it is still running well to this day. He had some weight loss down to the 400s but I don't know if he continued to lose or not. Both brothers definitely have some type of genetic and medical issue influencing things. 

Even my own brother got very heavy. I am no contact, but I saw a picture of him some years ago, where his weight was very close to my own. Sadly, my family never listened to me, I told my brother of my own Lipdema diagnosis, before I went fully no contact with him. It's doubtful he ever absorbed or dealt with the information. Before I was no contact, I remember saying "You and your son, show signs of this disorder". 

Justin seems like a nice person but he definitely has a lot to overcome dealing with his brother's personality disorders and abuse. Justin seems to have gone no contact with his brother, Steven, and I think that is a very wise decision. He should maybe turn an eye to his father, and take a look at that relationship too. The father seemed way too over-eager to make Justin reunite with Steven like a flying monkey. 

It was rumored online that Steven Assanti had died but he is still alive. 

A recent interview with Steven Assanti

Things That Have Been Normalized Since Covid19

 

The world is going downhill fast. What is sad, is very few realize or acknowledge what is going on. I supposed we all have to do our best to personally survive and take care of our loved ones. 

"Your Housekeeping Sucks!" Really?" White Gloved Apartment Inspections.

 Happy New Year to all my readers. The dial flipping over just tells me I need to get a move on. I'm always busy with something. I know Fat Pat got delayed, I'm trying to figure out "coiling" it, after all it is 236 pages long, but hopefully soon, I will be able to sell it electronically and with paper copies as well. There will be a visit to the printer this week. I am glad I got the book done, so I apologize for this delay. I considered just sending it out stapled, but it would look more like a real book this way. Hopefully this will be done in a few weeks.

This New Year comes with some feelings of sadness, as this will be the fourth time I and my husband are forced out of a town we have lived in for some time. Everyone knows I left my college town to avoid being homeless. Then I left Chicago to avoid dying in more severe poverty and to survive. Then we were forced to leave the small town I loved [can't go back there now, everyone's gone or deceased and there's very little medical care.] Now it's happening to this place. This is an affluent town full of amenities I stayed for, that is now pushing us out. Even if husband is able to get more work, he's working now, the bills are crushing. 

There's no future here as they pluck our pockets. I went to the grocery store two days ago and saw that some "Land of Frost" turkey lunch meat which used to be around 4.99 2 years ago, was now 7.99 and nearly passed out. I'm hoping a housing list will come up soon. I'm trying to change our circumstances. This can't last. The streets WILL fill up with the homeless. I'm surprised they are managing to hide and minimize all the poverty out there. 

I'm glad I got my art show done last spring and summer. I did sell some art work, and that went well. I also did book illustrations for a local regional author, and we shared a few projects together. I was glad to accomplish some of these goals. I also wrote a series of poems and kept attending a writer's group, I may do a chapbook of those later. We were busy with art projects and zines for some time. I did some art work for husband's zines too. I'd rather be spending more time on that type of stuff, but the housework fiends have their hands around my throat yet again.

 Why has my life been like this, always emergency mode? I'm not sure. I have to attend to cleaning this place out, and even today have to get a box and fill it up with books and crap. It's like a bucket out of the ocean. How am I supposed to physically do all this stuff? Oh I called up the social workers, and today have to work on looking for charities that may help with moving due to our physical problems.

And on top of this, our apartment complex has gone crazy with "inspections". Since society has "gone fascist" and just seems to want to destroy our fun and ability to make a living now they want to destroy our lives in other small ways. I am about to have the fourth inspection. 

The first inspection was a couple months ago, no one showed up. We were annoyed mildly, we shrugged and moved on. We had cleaned for a few days. We have to clean it for ourselves often enough.

The second inspection was the one we failed. We got 4 days notice, the apartment had someone literally almost walk in and walk out. Something does smell skanky in the hall right in front of our door, I sometimes worry we got judged for that. Whatever is causing that smell it's not from us. I think they fixed some pipe yesterday because the stink is gone.  The plumbing is so bad in this building, I wonder if they think our frantic cleaning will make up for it. There's always piles of dry-wall in the hall to fix the latest pipe burst.  We then had the building manager come and inspect who said we had passed, and now there's another inspection next week, the "city inspection". They ruined our holidays with this stuff. Would you like to get a threatening letter about evictions and breaking your lease for bad cleaning?

This is the fourth inspection in 3 months!!

 There is no longer any privacy or peace. Imagine being sick with chronic fatigue in my case, I'm so exhausted, and covered in skin sores too and having people wanting to bother you over cleaning. It brings back flashbacks of my mother. I never cleaned good enough! My whole life as a child and teen was nothing but cleaning. Everything was supposed to look like a museum constantly. Even if you live in a small box that you mess up just from cooking a meal or taking a shower within 10 minutes, it's supposed to look like a show room!

I've been in apartments for 25 years, usually if you take the trash out, are not a hoarder, don't have pests taking over the place, you are left alone in peace. Not anymore! The busybodies who ruined our lives with endless pandemic nonsense, now want to inspect the quality of your housekeeping. I had some weird thoughts, "Don't some working men live alone in this place? Are they all neat freaks?"

Then the class issues bug me, inside my head is thinking, "They are really throwing you out, because all your stuff is old, and they want to appeal to the modern yuppie who has fancy glass metal tables and all new things". They want to toss the old working class bums out. Well why can't they leave us alone? They are pricing us out anyway! So many of my neighbors have left, it's depressing and these were people who made far more income than us. Our desperate lurch from month to month didn't allow much moving plans. By the way there is no affordable housing in this town, nothing cheaper, no studios, no boarding houses, there's a neighboring ghetto town with crime but even the rent there is expensive for what you get. I'm not into moving into apartments where there's daily shootings. I left that stuff in Chicago years ago. 

We still need the maintenance man to come in and put a strip of plastic on the wall that came off from a leak new door and to use the RIGHT caulk on the bathtub and sink that doesn't come off. He showed up one day in the parking lot as we are going to an appointment to get our charity glasses so I didn't have to wear taped together glasses anymore. He claimed he would be here Friday, still haven't seen him. I wonder if they will blame me for the bad caulk that always comes off within the day even waiting 24 hours to make sure it dries and for the lining coming off the wall. He wrote the work order as "completed", it showed up in our email!

We had an episode where our sink backed up and we had to do dishes into a bucket for a few weeks. This place used to have a 72 hour turn around on repairs that has turned into weeks. They laid off some maintenance men. It's not the same as it used to be. How can they expect perfection in my housekeeping when the hallways are grotty now, the carpets look grungy and this building is not in very good condition anymore? The other week, I was leaving out, and a handle had fallen off one of the doors out in the common area, and I had almost fallen over it, I picked it up and put it on a table. This used to be a good apartment building. It seems like ever since Covid, everything just gets worse and worse. 

A draconian megacorporation bought this place, and now instead of just looking at fire alarms once a year, they want to inspect your housekeeping. It is constant. This is a private housing concern, I am not in public housing yet. This time, we got four days notice. I had working on "getting rid of stuff" knowing the rent is skyrocketing and we have to most likely get out of here but we cleaned up for the inspection. I put things away. I had already been taking trips to take things to thrift, and we took more to thrift in the days before the inspection.

 There's been discussions even of putting things in storage, etc. etc. Anyhow, we cleaned and this woman from corporate not even our building manager, walks in for 4 minutes or so walks out and we are given a notice that the housekeeping is sub-par and we are in possible violation of our lease.

My actual kitchen at the time of the failed inspection [yeah it's really just a hallway, but this was one of the pictures I took]

Before all inspections, I photograph the hell out of our apartment. They are all time stamped. I have too many disabled friends who have had problems from inspections so it's just something I did to protect myself. I post the pictures on Facebook and wrote, "How bad do you think this apartment is?" All my friends were in shock, said, "It looks fine", and added, "They must want you out of there!" I told them I have been living here for years with no problems and never been late on the rent.

I said, "We cleaned it", but their expectations were a full deep extreme clean. I remember the day before, I even had gone out to Dollar Tree and got some Mr. Clean Magic Erasers so I had scrubbed at the walls too. Later to pass the now third inspection, I had a friend help me and we cleaned all the cabinets down with Murphy's oil soap, and I scrubbed down the walls even more. I was told, to scrub down all the appliances, walls and more with Fantastic and to make sure all the baseboards were clean. We cleaned all the closets, after all, I was already getting rid of stuff before. 

The corporate woman actually wrote on the report, there was trash strewn all over the apartment during the second inspection. I kid you not. Some friends have theorized that the megacorporates want to drive everyone out, so they can remodel and raise the rent. One wrote that this is very common, apartment complexes will want to upgrade and will find their ways to drive people out. Since this area is gentrifying massively, I get the feeling our old funiture and humble belongings aren't cutting it for the new beautiful and rich people they want to move into this place. I noticed with dread, they had jacked the rent up by 200 dollars on their ads online. It already had gone up by 200 dollars in 2 years. 

I wish I could relax, and not be nervous about cleaning all the time. I already was having problems with it. I feel like it's ruining my life. Remember I spend 2 hours a day in my leg machine, [in it now] 1 hour on nebulizing my lungs, and more time wrapping. I also have to cook from scratch which makes a mess because too much processed foods make me sick.

 I worry our lack of money has impacted everything too. I wanted to get the carpets cleaned a long time ago but now they want $250 instead of the $117 I paid two years ago. Our things have gotten old and worn. I needed new [even used] furniture very long ago. My clothing is worn too. My health has led to worse skin problems that I can't hide. I have giant dark patches on me from my Dermatomyositis and other patches of Psorasis within it and now my forehead is turning red and peeling. At least I got my Duct-taped glasses replaced with new ones from a charity. My walker is old and worn and the handles are Duct-taped too. I need so many things.  I get nervous about discrimination. Wouldn't I have a reason to?

What gets me is there is no mercy for the disabled out there. Some disabled friends have told me, they have been abused over housework. I wrote all these charities years ago and applied for a cleaner, I even included a letter to the agency telling them, that my husband had major health problems and was having a hard time keeping up. Did they care? Nope. They told me we weren't poor enough...[lol] like I could afford cleaners? Are you kidding me? That's the dead end I constantly hit. I needed the help years ago. Do any of these social workers help anyone? It's never me.  I'm glad the friend did come to help in cleaning for the second inspection. 

Now instead of relaxing and being able to do art work, or focus on other things I have to do, I have to worry about more inspections, more prying eyes. I had a few appointments the week of the second inspection, and have medical things I have to do this week too. 

Have you ever had anything like this happen? What do you think? If you are an apartment dweller tell me your stories. This society is going psychotic. I have to clean more today for the 4th inspection in 3 months. I feel like these people are never going to leave me alone. Hopefully after we move, I can get a cleaner in the new town. I hope so. What scares me is we did clean it. I throw things away. Who are all these perfectly clean people? 

Please Help My Husband With a Job or Job Ideas!

This may be a different way of doing things, but if you know of a good remote job, or someone who can use my husband's skills, please write me here. Any ideas for higher paid work are welcomed too. He already makes minimum wage now. [around 10 dollars an hour for 40 hours a week] He has plenty of past experience in professional work too. Indeed has been a dead end. He applied for at least 40 jobs there in the past few months. It's like the algorithims just kick everything out!

 He has a decent computer, and in the past worked for newspapers. At present, he does transcription for an online transcription company he's been with for years, and does freelance proofreading and writing for a newspaper. He is open to government and other paper-pushing jobs. Remote is preferred. Any ideas, thanks. 

My Cluster B Parent Died and I Felt Nothing

 There was a LOT I related to in this video, including when he talks about picturing himself in the mental institution and how his enabling father would silence their laughter because it enraged his imposter mother.

 His discussions about dealing with the damage and process of discovery are quite revelatory. I think back on when I was a teen, reading psychology books from the library and when I discovered the book "The People of the Lie" at the age of 18.

One good part of the video is when he discusses how we remodel their abuse into the "love" we are told they have...where the bullying is called "acts of discipline". Sometimes it can take years to work through gaslighting ourselves as children due to this indoctrination. This comes from "the impossible task of reconciling malevolent behavior with a benevolent image". When he talks about not missing her and never desiring her company, that was me, and of course as children, that brings on the guilt. "Children aren't supposed to feel this way about their parents."

He also dealt with a two-faced parent, all us ACONs remember those sweet words to others, as they just finished cussing us out. Mine would smile and then after the visitors left, would say things like "Who do they think they are!?" and would complain about them. Most people never could fathom what my mother said about them behind closed doors.

His mother's other traits matched many of mine. Mine took some things further being higher on the Cluster B spectrum, but the vanity and masks are the characteristics of many narcissists. His discussion of when he figured out her cruelty and mind-games, when she told him he was going green, is also an interesting segment. It took me time to realize mine did a lot of mean things on purpose. It wasn't about correcting behavior or that I was "wrong", she simply wanted to screw around with me for kicks. My father was a narcissist too in my case, but followed many of the behaviors of Walter.

His discussion of "internal patchwork parents" also stood out to me. I did the same thing, with nuns and teachers I loved, that aunt I spent too little time with, neighbors and latching on to friend's decent parents. 

There is a part 2 to come. I've always liked Theramin Tree videos, his warnings about the corruption of organized religion too, have been helpful to me. 

Among the Zombies, I must be Cautious.

 

The dystopian nightmare seems like it will never end. I don't feel much in common with a lot of people. Don't  people get normal colds anymore? I went on my Facebook the other day, at least 6 all wrote, "I have Covid!" Their belief in the plastic pregnancy strips of doom, never ends. One wrote she was canning chicken and rice while being ill. If you are that sick, you would not be canning. Canning seems too exhausting to me right now.  I know she's unvaxxed. I wrote her and said, "Why do you trust those PCR tests, do you want masks and lockdowns back? Maybe you just had a cold!" She's ignoring me. LOL I probably should keep my mouth shut more, but I feel so repressed as it is like a balloon being squeezed among the zombies. Some almost seem proud of Covid. They seem gleeful, like they are part of a club. She has no excuse having questioned the vaxxes. I don't get it. 

I did succeed in throwing off the masks and "living normal". Thank God.  I ruined my life listening to fear mongers online about the "long term" effects of Covid and hid out too long, and paid the price. Fortunately I have a few close friends, we stuck together during all this. I exchanged presents with two the other week, and we had a friend visit for Christmas. However life is still anything but normal. I feel weird around normal people, like I have to still watch every word I say. It's kind of maddening. I haven't been able to reclaim the same social life I used to have. It's gone. I have no money for former activities too. Add in losing all ability for conversation outside of the transcribe phone. 

We have no money to go see the art club [I miss them], and I left the church. There's not much going on here anymore. There's no fun anymore. I don't know where to go. Even then conversation always seem stilted, I don't relate to most people at all. We have a few weeks until we can go to the senior center. Even then where's the motivation to talk to people who buy into all this? Except for my few friends and husband, I feel so lonely and out of sorts around "regular" people. I never knew this level of isolation was possible.

From movies, we all imagine dystopia and economic collapse, bringing endless allies, to whisper with and meet with drinking coffee, to say how much Hitler sucks. There would protesters and pissed off people in the street. There's a few who understand, I almost burst out in tears of joy to be around a nurse who had the score at my functional doctor, but I see mostly blank-faced zombies at the grocery store and elsewhere. On Facebook, I talk about "nice stuff" except for a few friends in the know. I get frustrated a lot. I don't feel the same about a lot of people. Why did you accept this? Why are you still falling for it? Why are you getting sick, and not finally getting mad as your health implodes. Why do you believe the economy is great, as some of us go without groceries just because a guy that calls himself a liberal--ha what a joke-- is president?

Speaking of liberals, Bernie Sanders threw up the Covid "script" on Twitter. That guy's another disappointment. He's another sell-out and hypocrite. I regret all my support for him. We even donated to his campaign. He's another simp. Old man with a lot of money, sometimes saying things that sound nice, but all he did was assure more standing for the status quo. 

Maybe I've grown too repressed. That I should just let it all out and be hated as the "crazy conspiracy theorist". At least my head would feel clear, but the social price would be too much. I haven't felt safe in a long time. This is like life with my family, one wrong word and feeling like I'll get smashed. 

 When I hear about variants and the rest of it, I think "Shut up!" at this point. My functional doctor did promise treatment if I catch anything. My regular doctor [my other one got sick from the vaxx and left the practice] is of sound mind too, fortunately for me. I will never forgive the bastards in charge for my lost three years. Us disabled were left scrambling in the dark. The Covidian politicians, big Pharm and others have nothing to offer me but death, misery, no solutions, and more bullshit.

I feel betrayed by the Covidian professionals. Am I wrong to? All I know is their submission and lack of critical thinking, will ruin more of my life and leave me vulnerable to new things the evil hatch. Sure I feel sorry for the deceived at times, and question my own beliefs, but it shocks me how so many still don't get that something is very wrong.  We on the awake side all know who would help drag us to the trains without hesitation.  I don't watch the news anymore. Too many lies. Most of it is propaganda. 

I stroll into stores sans masks. I can breathe and move easier. There's a lot of physical suffering, I remained in denial about. Finding normal seems beyond me. The masks did harm my health and lowered my oxygen. If they do a new pandemic, I'm not going to wear them.  I probably could get a medical exemption now based on COPD. They smothered me long enough. I do wonder if my health is permanently ruined. I'm having scary symptoms like seeing my heart beat in my eyes. I read anemia, cardiovascular problems--those are obvious, and other factors can cause this. I told my doctors. Maybe I've been fat too long. My blood pressure is normal, even kind of on the low end, and oxygenation. I'm supposed to exercise, I think of the long ago gym. How would my health be today if this crap hadn't happened? I wonder about that stuff. My health was improving back then. Why does everything have to be a struggle? Why is so much taken away?

I feel locked in a box both physically and mentally. I want out. I'm getting out. Just like I said Screw it, to living in isolation and being smothered by those damn masks, I'm saying screw it to a life with no future. I've arrived at these points at other times in life. It's time to leave a place. I wanted to leave years ago. Now it is necessary. It's like the time I escaped from Chicago. 

It's time for a life reset. This life isn't working. I know you always take yourself with you and maybe I came to depend on geographic cures too much, but I wanted to leave where I am at years ago. It never felt "right". I should have never left my old small town but there was no choice. You all can't even comprehend the regret and tears over that. 99 % of this town is vaxxed. I would estimate 80% are true believers and still lining up. I see people who question it all online. I'm good at pattern recognition. Part of me thinks get out why you can, as they are all going to get sick. The autoimmune illness and multiple cases of dementia in one still sleeping group was a giant waving flag. Stores and restaurants are closing here like crazy too. They say they can't get workers. Maybe because no one can afford the rent here, or maybe because so many people died or became disabled.

I'm going on more supplements, some vit B seemed to help for a time, but then I got this latest flare. I do need better food, less stress and more happiness. My life is kind of falling apart. Economically and otherwise. Many good friends have helped us. Yet again I'm in the place, where I have to "attempt" a life reset. I didn't get to have a normal life like other people, so many times of being "forced out of places". Remember my economic nomad article? Life in this community is not sustainable. Most of my friends live a little distance away. Yet another town, has told me, "you can't stay". and "you do not belong". There's no decent housing here. The rent has been skyrocketing for some time.

Two days ago, I had my husband take me to a small art museum, it was mostly to make myself walk around a little bit. Some people said migraines affects this for them. I've had a LOT of migraines lately. Light always feels too bright. I'm in a flare now, every skin sore busts out bodywide, my forehead is rotting off in red patches, psorasis over the top, extreme fatigue where I could sleep all day, the hearing always seems to fall a few notches. Chronic fatigue is from hell. I've gone so deaf all conversation is toast. I fear dying while I watch young healthy people chose death. It pisses me off. Even my desire for life, screams against them in the inner recesses of my brain. What is wrong with you? I wrote some people that my history of chronic illness has made all of this unbearable. Watching people throw lives away they take for granted.

Bad health problems are harder to deal with when the majority of the world is focused on illness and there seems to be no end of it. I noticed people getting sicker years ago. I know a few regretters who took the vaxxes and never touched that poison again, but around here they seem rare. There's too many still lining up for their clot shots, no matter how sick they get. I have uncharitable thoughts about "stupid people" far too often, as they gulp down their Jim Jones juice, and then tell the world "I have Covid" over and over. This discrepancy always has bothered me.  One wrote, "we just got our booster in October!" [number 7?] and complained about having Covid, I think this is this person's fourth or fifth bout of it. I'm beyond fed up with them. The Bible had a verse about living in peace with people, so I remind myself, they've made their choices. Keep your own boundaries. There's nothing you can do about it. You aren't responsible for their choices. My duty as I wrote on that other article is finding the best life I can find. If something is not working, it's simply not. 

I said to my husband one day as he gave me some idealistic view of politics, "We are old, we can't save this world, many have chosen destruction and death". He gave me kind of a weird look. I then added, "We have to take care of ourselves and find a better and more secure life, for whatever years we got left". 

My past memories of remembering people laugh and talk, seem so far away. Everyone forgot what life was like in 2019. I was on my Facebook the other day. The few friends act "real", but normal people weird me out. It's bad here in the grocery stores and in public life. Like people don't have emotions anymore. 

Everyone seems sick constantly. This beyond the people who write "I have Covid" over and over on their walls. You hear all this bad stuff constantly, people constantly in the hospital, people constantly dying. I ask all the time, "Why aren't they putting the puzzle pieces together?" The truther community keeps claiming the dam is going to break! They think Warp Speed Trump is going to step in and stop the genocide. What a freaking joke. They write things like "The Spars scenario is going to happen, the truth is coming out! People are getting so sick they can't deny it."

 I lost hope of it long ago, looking at the people around here and the majority on my Facebook wall, they remain clueless as ever. No one even seems to grieve what life used to be, and they have embraced the "new normal" and now constant illness and death have been embraced and "normalized". They don't even care that teens and kids are having heart attack and strokes. If that didn't wake them up what would? I have nothing in common with these people. Sometimes I feel like they want to stamp out my inner light too.