My doctor yesterday basically told me to give up all this Covid crap. I want to. I'm glad my husband was there to hear it.
Yesterday I saw the doctor, I'm not doing that great fighting off Candidiasis yet again and my blood sugar is high though there is less food from the groceries being so high in cost. The horrible sores keep coming back and there is another appointment needed to deal with that.
My house call doctor [NP] is supportive of me seeing the functional doctor, he is serving as support while they keep my main case. The functional doctor told me he wanted me to stay with them. The functional doctor believes I have thyroiditis, and MCTD instead of UCTD. The rheumatologist believes it's still UCTD, but I don't know all the ins and outs. How bad is full lupus? My forehead is broken out in sores, there's other life damaging sores and fatigue that feels like it's going to kill me, but I still came out "stable" on my rheumatology tests. [not in full lupus]
The doctors always tell me to walk and move around. I do think some fat bias could be with that stuff but then maybe they just mean well, and don't want me to become immobile. This practice deals with a lot of super-fat people along with elderly, many of them are completely bedbound and wheelchair bound. She thinks I am depressed [true] but the fatigue is beyond that.
More sunshine, movement and people definitely could not hurt. She told me, speaking of the masks: "You shouldn't have to wear those masks anymore" and said this directly, "Go back to your life!".
When a doctor [she's my regular NP] says "Go back to your life" it means something. Time to listen. She would know too if anyone was dying of or being hospitalized with Covid. My second NP said it too a few months back in a different way. She said my mental and physical health have been harmed. I know it. My depression is off the charts. I'm sure it shows. The problem is I don't have a life anymore.
The doctors always tell me to walk and move around. I do think some fat bias could be with that stuff but then maybe they just mean well, and don't want me to become immobile. This practice deals with a lot of super-fat people along with elderly, many of them are completely bedbound and wheelchair bound. She thinks I am depressed [true] but the fatigue is beyond that.
More sunshine, movement and people definitely could not hurt. She told me, speaking of the masks: "You shouldn't have to wear those masks anymore" and said this directly, "Go back to your life!".
When a doctor [she's my regular NP] says "Go back to your life" it means something. Time to listen. She would know too if anyone was dying of or being hospitalized with Covid. My second NP said it too a few months back in a different way. She said my mental and physical health have been harmed. I know it. My depression is off the charts. I'm sure it shows. The problem is I don't have a life anymore.
I have 3 regional friends and no groups except a 30 mile away art club in a rural area I visit about once every 4-6 weeks and a writer's group on Zoom. Winter will lower even those. If this was a normal world instead of hell or purgatory, I would go on a trip or visit some people or go find some happiness, but I can't afford anything. An art friend is supposed to have an art show, and its 40 miles away and I'm wondering if I can afford the gas. I wish it was closer because like usual I'm scared, of breaking down or not having money to handle problems. I want to be there to support her.
So there's not much of a life to go back to. I had a life before, it worked. Things aren't working now. Before all this I was really involved in that Unitarian Universalist church, it is sad how things went. It was a great place for me for years. I just chose to focus on the good things and they did give me the gift of gardening for a few years. Covid destroyed that world for me. I'm planning to shut down my garden this week.
I had art classes, stamp group, and did other activities. Maybe I can get a life wherever I end up moving, I'm making sure any new places I go have some activities. If here I am looking for new things here too. Hopefully the Senior Center will help my life since we qualify this winter.
My life is a complete mess. I did have some good things happen with the art show, and am glad I achieved that goal and selling a lot of paintings. I even sold a painting to someone in Ireland last week. I also completed another book illustration project too with a local author. I have goals to put up an ETSY page, and to complete FAT PAT. Fat Pat is now almost done at over 200 pages and try to get some stuff together. You will soon see FAT PAT put up here. It is close!
So I have been TRYING. The functional doctor told me he believes my severe weight is the results of inflammation, and hormonal problems. [well Lipedema too] He also says while they can treat severe sleep apnea, that it can keep weight high even while one is treated and on their CPAP every night. He is helping me. I will see what happens. I wish I had money to get more supplements and better foods. Next week I hope to buy some he wants me to go on. The functional doctor told me he believe Covid was real, but he doesn't wear masks as they make him feel ill. All my other doctors gave up mask-wearing months ago.
Am I afraid in stripping off the masks? Yes I am. They damaged me. I'm scared because my oxygen started reading lower at 96% while wearing them instead of the usual 98% that I have had for years and years. It scares me. I think the doctor noticed too, and is growing concerned at the harms the Covid "lifestyle" did to me. I stopped wearing masks around friends around 3 months ago.
We are stopping wearing the masks. I walked into my apartment hallway without the mask for the first time in 3 and half years yesterday after she said this. Am I afraid? Yes. They damaged me. The evil controllers of this world unloaded so much bullshit on billions of us. I am glad I did not take their genome invader and clot shot. That would have utterly destroyed me. I still am scared of catching something, but I know I will get sicker and die anyhow if I didn't change this. There's no going on like this. My mental health even forced removing the masks to see the friends. Physically I can't live life like this muzzled and with so few people in my life. So many connections have been destroyed.
I had stopped wearing them around friends a few months ago, now stopping wearing them in apt hall and small stores. Maybe big stores too but I still feel nervous.
The masks did create a lot of physical suffering for me. I got short of breath in them often. I couldn't walk too fast. That's sad when I'm on a walker, and now being curtailed and suppressed. My doctor wanted me to start taking walks again, I should have told her, I can't walk that far anymore, but maybe she just wanted me to amble around like I used to do. I can maybe walk 200-300 feet without a rest, I'm not even sure it's that much now. I can walk through a Dollar Tree still with a couple rests but that's pretty crappy isn't it?
One reason the masks damaged me was walking sucked, even on my walker I would have to slow down constantly. This happened in stores and going to the doctor. I stopped walking because I live in a place where there's really no private place to walk without people, and was paranoid even outside for a while. Yes this is embarrassing but true. So I stopped taking my walks. Up to 18 months ago I was still following an exercise program, doing videos at home, but sadly the fatigue just grew so much worse and worse, all that energy just went into things like taking showers, cleaning, cooking and getting art projects done.
Due to inactivity, I was scared to death of weight gain during lock downs. A 500lb person who used to be 700lbs could easily go back up, that is reality. I am glad I kept the weight stable at least, but this took effort. Hopefully the functional doctor will come up with more answers. He went deep into researching things. He even knew about abuse and PTSD issue that I faced. I was 504 two days ago. The 400s are at least in shouting distance. It would be nice to sink below 500 again. I was 460 in 2013. I told him I am in shock, that I am maintaining such high weight. With age, my appetite has gone down. A lot of foods gross me out, I am still hungry every 5-6 hours but whatever takes weight off is not happening. Due to poverty, food portions were cut down months ago even further. My husband has complained a little about any seconds being denied because I want to make sure there's enough for another meal.
The functional doctor was really worried about stress affecting me. It is. I'm not sure how I am going to go back to my life or how I am going to get a life now. It's hard. So much is in the air. My life was difficult before Covid. Then Covid took away the life I had managed to build. Some here may understand why that was so overwhelming to me. Many people have had their lives destroyed by these psychopaths. My shock remains in how few people have protested or fought back. My losses are more mild compared to people who lost their lives or loved ones. Some should go file lawsuits, I know about a few doing so on Twitter. The masses aren't sleeping, they are in a damn coma!
I waited things out this long due to my very high risk. I don't even know anyone who has been in the hospital for Covid for more than 2 years. I believe something made people sick in the early days there was too much evidence for that but things got dragged out. Even if Covid is real and endemic now, it's been almost 4 fucking years. I can't give up living my life anymore. There's only so many years left anyway in a body like this one. I want to have a life again.
So there's not much of a life to go back to. I had a life before, it worked. Things aren't working now. Before all this I was really involved in that Unitarian Universalist church, it is sad how things went. It was a great place for me for years. I just chose to focus on the good things and they did give me the gift of gardening for a few years. Covid destroyed that world for me. I'm planning to shut down my garden this week.
I had art classes, stamp group, and did other activities. Maybe I can get a life wherever I end up moving, I'm making sure any new places I go have some activities. If here I am looking for new things here too. Hopefully the Senior Center will help my life since we qualify this winter.
My life is a complete mess. I did have some good things happen with the art show, and am glad I achieved that goal and selling a lot of paintings. I even sold a painting to someone in Ireland last week. I also completed another book illustration project too with a local author. I have goals to put up an ETSY page, and to complete FAT PAT. Fat Pat is now almost done at over 200 pages and try to get some stuff together. You will soon see FAT PAT put up here. It is close!
So I have been TRYING. The functional doctor told me he believes my severe weight is the results of inflammation, and hormonal problems. [well Lipedema too] He also says while they can treat severe sleep apnea, that it can keep weight high even while one is treated and on their CPAP every night. He is helping me. I will see what happens. I wish I had money to get more supplements and better foods. Next week I hope to buy some he wants me to go on. The functional doctor told me he believe Covid was real, but he doesn't wear masks as they make him feel ill. All my other doctors gave up mask-wearing months ago.
Am I afraid in stripping off the masks? Yes I am. They damaged me. I'm scared because my oxygen started reading lower at 96% while wearing them instead of the usual 98% that I have had for years and years. It scares me. I think the doctor noticed too, and is growing concerned at the harms the Covid "lifestyle" did to me. I stopped wearing masks around friends around 3 months ago.
We are stopping wearing the masks. I walked into my apartment hallway without the mask for the first time in 3 and half years yesterday after she said this. Am I afraid? Yes. They damaged me. The evil controllers of this world unloaded so much bullshit on billions of us. I am glad I did not take their genome invader and clot shot. That would have utterly destroyed me. I still am scared of catching something, but I know I will get sicker and die anyhow if I didn't change this. There's no going on like this. My mental health even forced removing the masks to see the friends. Physically I can't live life like this muzzled and with so few people in my life. So many connections have been destroyed.
I had stopped wearing them around friends a few months ago, now stopping wearing them in apt hall and small stores. Maybe big stores too but I still feel nervous.
The masks did create a lot of physical suffering for me. I got short of breath in them often. I couldn't walk too fast. That's sad when I'm on a walker, and now being curtailed and suppressed. My doctor wanted me to start taking walks again, I should have told her, I can't walk that far anymore, but maybe she just wanted me to amble around like I used to do. I can maybe walk 200-300 feet without a rest, I'm not even sure it's that much now. I can walk through a Dollar Tree still with a couple rests but that's pretty crappy isn't it?
One reason the masks damaged me was walking sucked, even on my walker I would have to slow down constantly. This happened in stores and going to the doctor. I stopped walking because I live in a place where there's really no private place to walk without people, and was paranoid even outside for a while. Yes this is embarrassing but true. So I stopped taking my walks. Up to 18 months ago I was still following an exercise program, doing videos at home, but sadly the fatigue just grew so much worse and worse, all that energy just went into things like taking showers, cleaning, cooking and getting art projects done.
Due to inactivity, I was scared to death of weight gain during lock downs. A 500lb person who used to be 700lbs could easily go back up, that is reality. I am glad I kept the weight stable at least, but this took effort. Hopefully the functional doctor will come up with more answers. He went deep into researching things. He even knew about abuse and PTSD issue that I faced. I was 504 two days ago. The 400s are at least in shouting distance. It would be nice to sink below 500 again. I was 460 in 2013. I told him I am in shock, that I am maintaining such high weight. With age, my appetite has gone down. A lot of foods gross me out, I am still hungry every 5-6 hours but whatever takes weight off is not happening. Due to poverty, food portions were cut down months ago even further. My husband has complained a little about any seconds being denied because I want to make sure there's enough for another meal.
The functional doctor was really worried about stress affecting me. It is. I'm not sure how I am going to go back to my life or how I am going to get a life now. It's hard. So much is in the air. My life was difficult before Covid. Then Covid took away the life I had managed to build. Some here may understand why that was so overwhelming to me. Many people have had their lives destroyed by these psychopaths. My shock remains in how few people have protested or fought back. My losses are more mild compared to people who lost their lives or loved ones. Some should go file lawsuits, I know about a few doing so on Twitter. The masses aren't sleeping, they are in a damn coma!
I waited things out this long due to my very high risk. I don't even know anyone who has been in the hospital for Covid for more than 2 years. I believe something made people sick in the early days there was too much evidence for that but things got dragged out. Even if Covid is real and endemic now, it's been almost 4 fucking years. I can't give up living my life anymore. There's only so many years left anyway in a body like this one. I want to have a life again.
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