Disabled People and No Pity (A Documentary by Drew Morton Goldsmith)

This film made by an autistic man explores the Disability Right's Movement and how people with autism and others are standing up today against discriminatory advertising by charity organizations.  The 1970s to me almost seem halcyon as I remember that was a time when the disabled were more welcomed into the job fields and there was some progress made. I do think there has been some regression since then. One thing that worries me is people judge the disabled very harshly and there is a stigma. The work world and other areas of society, have become less inclusive of the disabled though many within the disabled rights movement are working hard to change this.

 While some are kind if you have visible disabilities in American society it can be hard. Especially with the human potential/positive thinking movement, New Age thoughts and beliefs and consumerist society saying that you can "think" or "buy" your way into a more perfect way of being. Many Aspies know about the controversies with Austim Speaks. Most disabled people just want to be able to live life doing the best they can, and not having to overcompensate to keep people happy. It can be a hard balance. Many people with disabilities or severe chronic illnesses know they have to be "more together" to be deemed acceptable. We can't cry or have an off day. The judgments are far more severe.

One thing if someone is viewed via the lens of pity, pity wears out, you are not seen as an "equal" person worthy in your own human dignity. It is not having an equal relationship with people. You are seen as an "inferior". Remember pity is different from sympathy. It puts you in the place of begging for your inclusion. Here too people can fool you, you think you are accepted as a regular human being but you learn quite differently. Your differences remain central in their vision.  You are an object of pathos where they can kick you around. Having to try so hard all the time to make up for these things wears the disabled out. For an Aspie, it can be a nightmare. 

There are a lot of societal pressures on the disabled where they are viewed as "burdens" and for those of us too sick to make a living as "mooches". Many of us suffer greatly under these judgments. I think about those who are so much in a hurry to condemn me as a "slave" to the social security system and who said so openly.  This happened with the one friendship that recently ended. These people must want us to live in the gutter.

I get tired. You ask yourself, "Are you doing enough?". No one cares if you do art work or have volunteered or write blogs and try to remain active as possible, what you DO for a living matters most in this world. My husband the other day says he gets tired of people who only identify people by what they do for a living.  I worsened things trying to explain my life to people, telling them yes I have to take to my bed some days and about being housebound from the breathing issues whenever the weather was too hot or cold. I know now, most didn't get it. It was a waste of my breathe.

 I had the family call me a loser and a mooch, the Republican party joins in on that fray. I know these things have greatly hurt me badly but I will tell you this many of us disabled are getting frightened and privately talk about how society is changing and how we are hated.  If you are sick it is your fault. I have socially withdrawn some lately, I got very worn out. If I don't crack up from my 20 years of being an Aspie circus fat lady, it will be a miracle. The lines of chattering middle class types who don't even understand 1 percent of my reality have fatigued me. Society seems more and more conformist then ever, this is making things rougher on the disabled and those with any differences.

What gets me though, is no one ever speaks of making changes to the job system to make it more inclusive to the disabled. The growing narcissism in the work world is working against this. Today if you have minor health problems or are aging, many of the narcissistic employers don't want to bother with you. So what happens to the fully disabled? I really am in no shape to work but when I was fighting off going on disability, cloaking like mad too in the work world to hide the Aspergers, I went to Vocational Rehabs, and basically was just tossed out into the regular workaday world, there was no extra help. Most of them prior to my lipedema diagnosis just yelled at me to lose weight. I basically learned to stay off the streets taking jobs no one else wanted working with violent youth. That is how I formed an extraordinarily different career before the illnesses took over.

There are no job programs that are real for the disabled except some developmentally delayed job centers anymore. Non-profits are usually more open to the disabled who are healthy enough for work, but it's far harder in the private sector. I used to see more disabled employees there, 20 years ago.

One burden on the disabled is that you have to be "extra-special" or "talented" to be worthwhile, have you noticed in the media extremely talented and accomplished disabled people are marched out before the world? Sure heroes are a good thing to motivate, but we rarely see normal everyday disabled people in the media. To me that is a glaring omission. Why don't we see people of various disabilities presented beyond a person in a wheelchair that may pop up on Sesame Street every now and then?

Things need to change for the disabled more. Many are speaking up.

A Not To Do List for Chronic Illness

My list for this week:

1. Go Mellow out!

2. "It is not your fault, you have tried your best!"

3.  Distract myself. One hobby I have that actually is kind of a weird one lately, is taking online psychological surveys. I hope my big fat Aspie self is not skewing tests. LOL I got to share my opinions about feminism on one and write about the emotions of music on another.

4. "Do what you can and let the chips fall where they may." A philosophy I had to embrace some years ago to avoid the psych ward.

5. Rest when you want. Sleep as much as you feel like sleeping. If you feel depressed go find something fun to do like read a comic.

I am giving myself pep talks today to avoid despair nipping at my heels:

1. You can make it through. They will get your sugars down.  {I've had my diet regulated for many months-I have to even to keep from gaining weight and the small loss}

2. Stop worrying about cancer, it could just be a cyst!

3. No more guilt for being sick! 

4. Remember all the people who love you like your husband and friends!

Inspiration porn and the objectification of disability

An Interview with a Friend About Life, Fat, and Supersized People.

INTERVIEW WITH PAM

Pam was a friend of mine now deceased. I miss her very much. She did endure a lot of what I have and at one point was near 700lbs as well. She knew what it was to face severe weight issues into her 60s. She was a very funny, kind and loving woman. We shared many struggles and she was a life line to me for very years. It was a blessing to know her.  I remembered I was interviewing her in future hope of writing about weight, which I obviously did on this blog. :) I still own the tape and transcript typed out back then, and decided I'd share it here. At the time she gave me permission to use this for any writing. I am happy to share her words here. The conversation brings back fond memories for me not for what we went through but that that we were there to support one another. Of course since 2004, some of my views have changed which is the year this interview was done.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: How old are you?

PAM: How old, or how moldy?

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: [laughing] No, how old?

PAM: Old enough to know better, but too young to resist.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP [laughs]: That’s funny. What’s the highest weight you’ve ever been?

PAM: Boy, this is a personal interview – is this gonna be on “20/20”?


FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: No.

PAM: My highest weight was 600-plus in 1980, but they weren’t sure…one doctor said, as far as an actual weight, closer to 700 [pounds], and congestive heart failure, and they’d mainline Lacix – which drew a lot of water off of me in one week’s period of time.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: OK – yeah, you said you got lots of water taken off of you.

PAM: Uh-huh. I didn’t know I had congeestive heart failure. I was 33, at that time.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: OK. OK. And what’s the lowest weight you’ve ever been?

PAM: You mean, birth weight, or adult weight?

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP:  I was two pounds in the womb! I was born weighing 200 pounds [laughs] – that’s what I’d tell people!

PAM: As an adult – I think when I was 19, 18 ½, I was going to a doctor that was giving everybody all these – you know, it was like a diet clinic, and I got down to 123 pounds.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: Wow, you’ve been smaller than I ever have…

PAM: Very, very…I was skinny, but I got pregnant, and I gained 60 pounds with the pregnancy…that was with my son, and, after that, I just kept going up. I was at Weight Watchers, and Overeaters Anonymous, to try to – you know, stay around 250 [pounds], because I was selling ads, and you have to make a fairly decent appearance, plus, you’re on the go all the time.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: Yeah, that makes sense…what have been some of the challenges to you, in terms of being overweight?

PAM: Well, employment, housing – now, because I’m in a wheelchair. I don’t have to be in it all the time, but – getting older, disabilities are harder to deal with, as you age.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: That’s true.

PAM: That’s a big challenge, aging; I’m facing that now – I’ve outlived a lot of people that are in a similar situation, that I knew. I’ve watched people just dwindle down, you know, under a system that’s not too kind. There’s not a lot of help for women in my age group, in the 50s – you know, if you’re disabled, if you don’t have a spouse with a good job, or a family that can help…and a lot of people don’t…or they have ‘em, but they’re not willing to get involved…so that can be quite a challenge to be in this age group, before retirement age.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: Kind of like, you fall through the cracks, right?

PAM: Right, and fall through the cracks of what’s happening now…I just read an article about a county out here in rural [state] – the waiting list for people that are of retirement age, that are on Social Security, and not because of disability, but need services because they’re aging…they have medical needs…the waiting lists are getting longer and longer, because of the aging population. So, by the time I get into the next age group, if I live that long, I’ll be just one of those people on the waiting list [laughs] – so, I don’t know what it [the solution] is.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: Let me ask this question – what would you say are the special challenges of the supersized, the 200- to 300-pound person? {I consider supersized to be 350lbs and above today}

PAM: That’s supersized?

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: Yeah, the supersized, the people who are on the upper end of the scale, like me?

PAM: You mean, 200 to 300 pounds?

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: Yeah, people who aren’t 200 to 300 [pounds]?

PAM: People that have lived at 600, 700, 800 pounds? I don’t weigh that now, but that could happen again in five minutes – you know, once you’ve been that big, you could go back there, because of medical conditions, food-related things, whatever…I’m not real clear on that question. Do that one more time.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: OK. What would you say are the special challenges that the supersized fat people have to deal with…

PAM: That the moderately overweight don’t have to deal with?

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: Yeah, that the moderately overweight don’t have to deal with. PAM: Well, I mean, like we’ve talked about – personal things, personal hygiene. It’s amazingly hard for moderate overweight people to realize that people, once they get up over 400, 500, 600 pounds, that there are landlords – if they see the person, they’re gonna assume that they’re not gonna pay their rent, that they probably don’t keep their apartments clean, because they’re too big to run a vacuum, or whatever…

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: That’s true; they won’t rent to you. {I was refused an apartment once due to weight}

PAM: There’s rental discrimination…there’s people that are supersized, and they keep their apartments immaculate. You know, I’m not supersized – well, I’m borderline supersized – I consider anybody over 200 pounds to be supersized. But, super-super-sized people…it was a struggle to do some of the things thin people take for granted, when they clean, or bathe, or have a bowel movement. You know, we talked about the toilet paper sponges, for the reach, and the bidets, for the overweight – even umbrellas. An umbrella for an average person won’t keep a supersized person dry.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP [laughs]: Yeah, you’re right, I was thinking about that – you’re right, it won’t.

PAM: Yeah, when it rains, and you use a regular umbrella, all it does is bring the rain down on your shoulders, and it drips down on your body.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: That’s true. That’s actually something that frustrated me. I didn’t know anybody else that noticed that.

PAM: There’s all kinds of different things…thank God that people challenged it, and there’s more big people now – there’s money to be made off of us, so the fashion industry opened up, but it still has a long way to go -- there’s things that I need, that I can’t from Roman’s, and Lane Bryant’s. They don’t seem to carry pantyhose, and brassieres, and girdles that’ll fit real big women -- or women, even my size, with the loose skin. I still need a gigantic girdle, if it’s gonna be on me, and support me, but you can’t buy them.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: I know, they just don’t have them – I had to give up wearing bras long ago. Do you think discrimination against overweight people is getting worse?

PAM: I think, because there’s so many overweight kids and adults – you would think it would be getting better, but I think it’s an unpopular group to be associated with. People, even if they are heavy, or supersized – they may find friends in that weight range, they can relate – but I think the discrimination is still there. You know, if we walked in on an interview, and had degrees, and a thin woman that had the experience, and [only] some degrees, based on appearance, they’d pick the thin one. I mean, it’s been proven.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: Yeah, they have done studies on that – they have done studies on that, and they’ve definitely have always picked the thin one.

PAM: Well, they did a study, too, with little children – five-year-olds – and they used dolls. One doll was disfigured facially, like a burn patient; the other one was without limbs. I forget the others. You know, there’s different disabilities that can come upon a human being…and then one was just huge, just a big fat doll baby. Of all these disfigured dolls, even though the obese wasn’t burned, or limbless – the one that none of ‘em wanted to be was the obese doll.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: Oh, wow…

PAM: They would rather be without arms and legs, facially disfigured, whatever, than to be obese.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: Hm – that’s probably because of some of the messages they hear about how bad fat people are, over and over…

PAM: Oh, sure. And then, all this stuff about the restaurants downsizing food portions – I don’t see any of that stuff happening. I don’t know what the answer is.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: Actually, it’s not happening – did you know Hardee’s actually released a 1,400-calorie burger?

PAM: Oh, mercy!

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: That’s pretty bad, isn’t it?

PAM: Especially when they’re hyping all this, “Oh, we’re gonna try to help,” you know, especially with the next generation – which I do see some improvement. But there again, there’s gonna have to be more support groups – and God forbid, maybe even the only way that people would ever cut back, if all this stuff is gonna continue to be available, and so many people are insulin resistant from eating this way for so many generations – that it might take, whether it’d be a famine or something, for a couple generations to get back to where they’d have to plant, and harvest. Like the Bible says: “You work by the sweat of your brow.” I mean, people don’t have to do anything!

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: I know, that’s kind of why we’re all getting messed up…’cause, then, you burned it all off.

PAM: Everybody’s at the TV, or computer…yeah, you see some people jogging, and walking, but – you know, once you get to a certain point – whether it’s just the natural aging process, or you’re obese along with it…I mean, you’re limited how much of that you can do safely.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: I actually have the belief that if you don’t exercise enough as a kid, and your life’s sedentary, you never can get to the good part. Does that make sense?

PAM: Yeah. Well, and I think, too, some people are heavy because of illness, even, from birth on – they don’t ever feel well enough to exercise. And there’s the other side, too – the other side of the coin with people – where getting that habit ingrained in your mind [is difficult]. Once you feel better, I think if you can keep with it, maybe get some support, get involved in a sport, or something – if that’s even possible – it’s just not even possible for a segment of this society. They’re not mobile enough to do it. But there’s decent exercises – there’s depression in there, too, people are battling that. A lot of times, obese people are isolated, alone in apartments, where even the most optimistic person – over the long haul, day in and day out – would be wore down.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: Well, here’s the thing, too – I almost think, when there were more people around, they were a more closer-knit society. That actually gives you a chance for more movement. Does that make sense? ‘Cause you’re moving around…

PAM: Before the automobile? You know, I mean, it’s not been that long ago, maybe there weren’t even bicycles…I don’t know what the history is on bikes, or things with wheels, but you know – basically speaking, it was the only wealthy that had things like this. Your feet got you there, and maybe somebody might have an old wheel, but I don’t think they really rode ‘em – they used ‘em for farming, or transporting goods.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: I think they walked.

PAM: They walked! And women lived and died within a mile of their house – I’ve read that over and over. People were born in a village, and if they maybe went to town once a year, there’d be a homecoming, or something – that was as far as most women went. A lot of ‘em didn’t know how to read, a lot of people didn’t know how to read. Maybe the priest, or the pastor, or a lawyer in town would do all the documents – poor people, especially, just the average man on the street was not that educated.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: That’s true. You’re right. OK, let me ask you a new question…there’s some good stuff. Let me – I was gonna ask you about size acceptance. What do you think of the size acceptance movement?

PAM: Over the last 30 or 40 years, whenever it started – I think it’s probably getting close to 40 now, but…

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: Wait a minute, just a second, whoops…my microphone fell off, just a minute.

[FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEPstops to get another piece of tape to hold her microphone in place.] [break and off subject conversation]

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: I always wonder, though, if both of us worked – all these errands, and crap, and cooking, and stuff –

PAM: Well, what happens if people don’t work on their marriage, and take time for themselves? That’s what it becomes.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: I know – I don’t know how these people have any time.

PAM: They don’t.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP [laughs]:’Cause, I’ll tell you what, Pam – during the day, paying the bills, making the food, making sure there’s groceries, laundry, all the medical stuff, that takes up enough time, where I’m like: “What if I had a job? We’d never see each other.”

PAM: Yeah, you know, you have to be real mobile to do that, and some people do get way behind. Their kids suffer. A lot of women that are out there working are not making any money, if they’re paying babysitters…

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: I know – I actually think they should be allowed at home. You know what I've said about the two for one deal the corporations got, when one income used to support a family.

PAM: There are ways to have what you need, and still stay home, and be a mom to your kids – and it’s too much, ‘cause it’s the woman that ends up paying ‘em [babysitters, daycare, etc.].

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: I know. I think feminism screwed us [laughs], I do!

PAM: OK – you take a situation, if a woman can handle all that – of course, if you wanna get yourself into that, a person should be allowed. I don’t think there should be any restrictions set on it. But I just think a lot of women didn’t realize what they were getting into, and once they got into it…

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: They can’t get out.

PAM: Yeah, it’s like an addiction – it can be more fun to go to work, than taking care of two- and three-year-olds – preschoolers, you know? It’s hard work. [(337 feet): Discussion turns to difference between modern life, and level of activity in older, agrarian-based society.]

PAM: Today, if you use a towel, then it goes in the laundry, instead of hanging it up, and using it for a week – because it was clean when you use it. Unless it’s like a hand towel…

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: I know – I do too much laundry, ‘cause I always have to wear different clothes – I smell really easily, so I can’t even repeat a wearing of anything.

PAM: They say it’s the foods we eat, and if you take medicine, and have illness, you’ll have a body odor difference, sometimes.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: Actually, I believe PCOS makes you stink, especially if it’s uncontrolled. It makes you smell lot. It really does.

PAM: Huh! I don’t perspire, or anything – sometimes, because you’re round yourself… [Of subject conversation PAM says. “Some of these people are so competitive, even if it’s to advance the cause…”

PAM is more enthusiastic about nominating MICHAEL MOORE: “He’s a tub! He’s one of our brothers in fat. I tell you what – that man could help us.” PAM and FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP then briefly talk about merits/demerits of weight loss surgery, before going back to list of interviewees.] PAM [after suggesting Ricki Lake, who’s gotten heavy again:] There are people, believe it or not – I know a couple of ‘em – they’ve finally got a handle on it, finally got some kind of exercise in their life…


FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: I think if people have an eating disorder, and just eat too much, and they don’t have the metabolic issues – if they get treatment and are able to quit eating too much, and they exercise, they can get at least some of the weight off. But if it's metabolic it's far far harder.

PAM: Yeah, I think so, but if there’s a lot of medical history – and also, if you get to a certain point where you lose mobility, it’s hard to ever get it back, or keep it.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: I know. Look at me, with all the breathing problems, and stuff – how am I gonna go burn it all off?

PAM: Yeah, if you don’t move around – I mean, can you imagine how many calories you burn, just walking to get out of your apartment?

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: Probably a lot.

PAM: Yeah, you do. My doctor told me, just to be alive – when you’re over a certain amount of weight, the tremendous amount of calories [needed] just to keep this machinery going – the breathing, the digesting of the food, all of it, any movement at all…like, say, when a thin person gets up off of a chair, it’s nothing.

FIVEHUNDREDPOUNDPEEP: I know – I do move around a lot for someone [my size]. I’ve been told that by people at offices. I’m kind of a fidgety person – like, even now, I got my leg hanging over the end of the bed, going back and forth.

PAM: Yeah, well, you probably have a lot of energy trapped inside of you, you know, where…

"We Who Are Not As Others"

A family member was watching this movie, it is not my usual fare of choice but I watched it curious, about how they showed people in the 1930's with severe disabilities. Some of the movie is sympathetic to their plight such as when one of the Little People affected with dwarfism points out how they are made fun of, and he is made a mockery of, instead of being treated like the man he is.
Boy I could relate to that and said, yes, the world sees you as just your "body", too many times. The smiling mocking grinning faces surrounding him during a few scenes, reminded me of a few times I faced especially as my weight gain came on and I became a "joke" to some wicked people around me.

For us super-fat people there can be those who do mock you and or infantilize you. One thing I always faced was the assumption by the outside world, that I was "slow" and "mentally deficient" based on my body weight. Even in the size acceptance world, those of us who have breached a line are not taken seriously, ignored and dismissed as if we know nothing even though we have lived the most severe form of the condition, that the so called experts and pundits think they know so much about. Marilyn Wann, that comment includes YOU.

The villains in the movie are also shown as hateful and dismissive of those with differences and disabilities. There are horrible things said about those with disabilities, where some of the villains call them "monsters".  This movie was very controversial even at it's time, other parts were very gross and evil, and I would not recommend this movie unless you were watching it for other reasons besides entertainment.

Obviously this being the 1930's, there was less education and people who faced severe differences and disabilities were not treated the same they are today. There was endless abuses and horrors visited upon those facing rare conditions. There was no fat characters in this particular film, the "freaks" ranged from people with no arms or legs, or missing their legs,various forms of dwarfism-Little people, a "bearded-lady",and a "thin man", thrown together for the sake of working for a "circus".

Why do I bring up "Freaks"? I was thinking about what people like this have faced in history, and how many were not taken seriously and their very humanity was denied as shown in this movie. While in the age of TLC shows, and such, there is more acceptance for those who are very different,  and more education, after all Abby and Brittany now work as math teachers,  there does remain a bit of the "side-show" with all this....



 When I had my 400lb plus weight gain within 2 and half years, I know I crossed the status from "normal" status to what could have been considered "freak" status. Today I gather the occasional glimpse and stare, but near 700lbs and since I was still able to walk out in public, the googley eyed stares stay with me to this day. Psychologically all I can tell you is the effect was overwhelming, in my case, things made far harder from the fact I was normal or near normal until my mid-20s. Even trying to explain this to counselors and in other formats, I definitely entered territory, that most normal people could not even understand.

Years ago, even 400lb people were deemed rare enough to be put on the stage, which should tell you something about how we have been fattened up for multiple reasons. The man below was a professional "circus fat man". Today we would see at least 10 near his size in your average mega-store.

[source for pic, warning anti-fat people]

These feelings of being "not physically normal" and realizing I did not fit into the normal web of society in many facets, let to an interest I developed into other people who did not fit the mainstream due to whatever medical malady. In those early years as my body went mad, the emotional hits were as hard as the physical ones, sometimes I do not know how I got through it. Perhaps knowing that others faced even worse and more severe emotional and physical challenges gave me the courage to march on.

While probably 99% of the world brought books like this to GAWK, I bought them to ask, how did these other people handle things? How did they manage to face the world and what could I learn from them? While I of course have personally known those facing everything from severe disfiguring facial maladies to dwarfism, I wanted to especially know what those who dealt with being superfat had to say and what they faced.

In fact most books detailing the lives of "freaks" [an unfortunate title] that, did speak of the lives of the severely overweight. One thing I noticed in these books for the super-fat people who predate the 1970s and 80s, glandular conditions and malfunctioning metabolisms are pointed out as a serious problem for the rare person. Seems to me there was far more wisdom back then at least on that score.

What does it mean to have become one of the world's heaviest people? It definitely does not bring a life that is easy. One common thread I noticed that helped people survive, was finding support within either family or a network of friends or a kind partner. For me I know having my husband stick by my side, helped my life immensely. This is a life where one either forms a strong will, or one doesn't make it.

In days past, many did take to the sideshow circuit, which was a very sad statement of those times.
Thank God, those days are over. There is a reason I put no pictures up on this website of myself because I do not want to be made into a "sideshow" but to have my thoughts held to the forefront.  Very super fat people who do put their pictures online outside of a controlled setting such as a social website with privacy settings are taking a chance of having those photos used for nefarious purposes and by the fat haters of the world.

I am fascinated looking at the pictures of the very fat people of the past, I have even used some of these pictures in a respectful fashion. To me their humanity is what matters, and it is interesting to find a selection of pictures where people actually look like me. I often wonder what their lives were like? Were they loved? Were they treated kindly? Did they live in towns where they were treated with respect? I would move from a place that treated fat people horribly to a very small town where I was treated well by the locals, here where I live now, people are respectful and kind as well too.

Did they have some of the same thoughts, that I have faced? About how they feel so "different", and feeling the effects of never looking like anyone else, feeling so different and out of the mainstream? Was their emotional life like my own? Add a swollen leg, bigger feet and a hearing aid, and the picture below could have been one of me.

Disability rights would bring a end to people being treated like side show "freaks", and education including more knowledge about science and medicine would help those facing a myriad of health conditions, though sadly when it comes to fat people, the old attitudes seem harder to get rid of. 

How many of us now are dismissed and our humanity denied? There definitely needs to be far more understanding out there.

See: "Your Future as a Circus Fat Lady"

Disability Advocacy Seminar

I made it yesterday to a local disability advocacy seminar, I do think they had many good things to share, some was about the nuts and bolts of advocacy and what works out there in disability advocacy land. I think it is good to look at one's community and ask what would be somethings that can be done to bring the disabled together in help and support and in protecting them?  One good thing about the community here is they do have a local disability support organization where I have met the director a few times. I do have multiple disabilites, most of which are mentioned on this blog, but I must not only adapt to living as a very supersized woman but also must deal with severe hearing impairment.

More work definitely needs to be done on integrating those with physical and mental disabilities into their respective communities. One of the advocates talked about a wheelchair bound man who was forced to crawl up the stairs to get into a courthouse as required by a malicious judge, and that ensuing lawsuit changed many things. I feel for those who are wheelchair bound in that, even being unable to do more then a few stairs, my bad balance affects this too, I have found myself barred from many local activities, including an improv my husband invited me too. We even drove to the older building to see if I could get in there and when I saw the steep wide stairs, I knew I would not be able to go up them safely.  My husband understands, he has had years of dealing with with what I face. Many things had to be changed to help the wheelchair bound and other mobility impaired to have access and there is STILL a LONG WAY TO GO. 

They talked about persistence counting when it came to advocacy work. I had written a local discount grocer asking if they would get a scooter, and realized while I did not get a response back, realize I need to stay persistent and not give up. Even advocating for myself to get a hearing aid, took me over a year. "Don't give up" should be the disabled person's mantra. They talked about the best way to couch things to people. I know on my blog, I do get a bit outspoken here, and I probably do have some unpopular opinions but in life, I've had success influencing people to see where I am coming from. The advocate, said, try and understand where they are coming from. I know one barrier to disability changes, is cold hard CASH. Many small business owners and others, probably even would like to make changes, but may not always be able to afford these things. Here too, barriers in employment were discussed.

I told the group I am NOT healthy enough to attempt work now, especially with my breathing difficulties and COPD, but talked about my own sojourns in Vocational Rehab and even attempting to change my career from teaching to being a paralegal where I got too sick to continue. One huge issue for many participants was feeling cut out of the work place and feeling that employers were not giving them fair shakes. While there is some realism to be faced, such as blindness or even deafness affecting jobs [I can't hear perfectly even with a hearing aid], this is something disabled people are facing. The workworld is tough now even on those who are older or who face minor health problems. The advocates did emphasize a person selling themselves on skills and making sure not to make the disability the central focus at a job interview.

There was discussion of invisible disabilities [I have some of those] and trying to get to a better place of functioning and finding mutual support in the disability community. One advocate discussed the different personalities using the DISC personality grid, and the difference between being non-assertive, aggressive and the more positive assertive. All interesting to things to hear about. That is definitely one thing, that people do have to learn to be assertive especially in this world if you face disabilities and hardships, getting people on your team is important. There were members of my local self help and depression group there, too who came to support and talk about those who face mental disabilities and advocate for them.

Overall it was a very positive experience, and I am interested in getting more involved in my community as much as my health allows in helping disabled people as well as myself and others I care about. I did tell them I have a special interest in helping people of size especially those who face supersized obesity.

Disability Advocacy

I have developed a new interest in this and probably will be doing some volunteer work in relation to it. While I do not agree with all the PC stuff, I do not care if someone calls me "disabled" instead of a person "with disabilities", I do think that more disabled people need to pay attention to our place in the community and trying to advocate for ourselves and others. Recently I met a dedicated disability advocate who is friendly and understanding to those who face weight problems as well as other health issues.

One of my new projects is to talk to a discount food store about acquiring a scooter, as there are many poorer people in the community who would save money being able to use that store. We are in a climate now, that is kind of scary for disabled people as budgets are cut and the economy grows worse. I did attend a local disability round table and while disabled issues are far ranging, and individuals facing the challenges of disability very diverse, I found it very much of interest. I even asked the advocate worker for new information regarding hearing impairment. More on these matters later.