Monday, August 31, 2020

Christian Doormat Meme


  A fundamentalist evangelical high school classmate on Facebook posted this. Usually I ignore posts like this, but this one was so awful, I posted the response, double-click to enlarge--- "Why should you be a doormat to abusive people?"...... This is the kind of stuff I worry about in a religion that is growing more and more negative especially in conservative and fundamentalist circles. These types of people believe we should crawl back to our abusers and TRY HARDER. Been there done, that. One reason I believe conservative Christian has aligned with fascists and the evil in America are teachings like this that teach people especially women to submit to evil people. So much of conservative Christian is about telling people they are broken and being subservient to the most cruel, the indoctrination here for women is the worse. It worries me. Did you know there is a popular book for evangelical woman out there that teaches AGAINST SELF-LOVE?

"You're Not Enough (And That's Okay): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love"

The Social Engineering of Covid19


Some may see this post as me going back to too much conspiracy. I see myself as a "recovering conspiracy theorist" but I believe a lot of bad stuff still happens. Humans are still greedy and plot and plan.

 Critical thinking doesn't mean reverting back to the false idea that the powers that be are all cuddly creatures who only want the best for us, realizing the true aims of power is one thing I learned while I was in conspiracy. America has gone crazy, with propaganda. I support BLM and it's aims and goals, but there's part of me knowing Trump could win, with the conservative brain dead idiots in the suburbs, all responding like Pavlovian dogs to Trump's assertions about "law and order" and the media's focus on looters instead of peaceful protesters.

 Covid is real and I know some people who almost died of it and others who lost loved ones. Some bad actors don't mind culling the population and some genocide on the side of the working class, people of color, disabled and elderly people. I think people who believe everything is crisis acting are absurd, like the billionaires of the world with their lust of war, care how many people die. I had that belief even when I was in conspiracy when Alex Jones and pals were blathering on about "crisis actors".

America is a land of lies and the propaganda machine is whipped up to the hilt. Don't think here, I see the Democratic party as innocent. I am doing my barf bag vote for Biden, to buy time and safety. I have written how I believe Biden could have been chosen to lose, [on purpose?] Michael Moore by the way says we could be having another Trump victory as the power that be repeat the same techniques of 2016. The DNC seems married to it's enabler role, so much it undermines itself.

 I noticed insidious things with Covid19. In my own life as my own PTSD reactions burned out with time, I and husband went into shut-down mode and formed our own cocoon. We supported each other, he read to me, we went on walks, and I cooked a lot of meals from scratch. We have had discussions of leaving the country. He can claim citizenship elsewhere. Yes I do think things could get that bad here. One positive thing about our marriage, is being tested by so many troubles, we do have each other to depend on. He has said he will always fight for me, that is true love.

For months due to my high risk, I have not seen anyone. I went into one thrift store with 5 masked people the other day and and that's probably the most people I've been around in months. These things have been discussed with him. We mocked the "alone together" commercials. [see video above] There's part of me that bothers me, that I adapted to them wiping whatever social life I had, which was pretty limited outside of my online friends and UU and all the fun, but what choice was there? Help from my husband made it possible for a nervous breakdown to be averted. I still worry for anyone who lives alone now.

My interior life, had already been formed with escapes into art work, blogging, and books long ago from the housebound challenges. Covid19, I think was "not accident" but I have that put in the "I do not know", "show me the evidence" category.

One thing I am noticing is it seems to be serving a lot of social engineering and other agendas that are disturbing. The commercials with their cloying "alone together" messages are just the tip of this ice berg.

Among these things are:

Profit--- The pandemic has allowed some to profit off a collapse economy. There's been multiple articles about the increased money to many billionaires. Here too, the pandemic can be used to cover up big money clean outs and the rot inside. Naomi Klein wrote a book called The Shock Doctrine that exposed "disaster capitalism", I read this book years ago. All those things have been happening.

Collapse of the Economy----
The economy is collapsing. This was in full swing prior to Covid, but now they can blame pandemic for the great money clean-out and failing economic system and escape responsibility. They knew the American dollar is losing reserve status, what better to than a pandemic to give cover to clean out the tills, and evade responsibility? The perfect "black swan" event then keeps the heat off. This would silent any well-meaning politicians, aka Bernie, who may propose new economic deals to change things.

Destruction of Public Education----
A cluster you know what is only weeks away as public schools will spread the disease far and wide. Go read the teacher's reddit, to see how bad things are getting, school opens for most districts this week. Teachers just doing in services with no students in the building are catching Covid and dying. Some schools are still virtual but many are not. You think Covid is bad now, just wait......

Betsy DeVos and pals are pining for the days where they can profit off more charters. Republicans want public education done away with. Uneducated plebes are easier to control. Does anyone find it ironic that so many have been forced to "home-school" by the Republican wannabe theocrats?

Shut down Social Change/Economic Equality and Progress-----
Before Covid, protests were increasing world wide. France to Hong Kong had protests where people were fed up with the uber 1 percent, and calling for things to be changed. Even in America there was the Bernie Revolution which I supported and was shut down for more neo-liberals to be put into place. Watch "Bernie Blackout" above to fully understand how our own media, subverted Bernie's campaign. Propaganda runs America and they got every demographic being influenced. We are now stuck with Biden. BLM did create more protests, and I am glad to see people stand up against racism and police brutality but fear what could happen to them. Occupy Wall Street suffered the same shut-down too.

 Trump is maligning protesters to frighten the white Christian/evangelical conservative Karens and Kens of the world into supporting him ["they will burn your cities"] with a giant dose of racism added to it as well. Open murder is now being committed with the likes of Rittenhouse and Trump and his fascist supporters are pushing for more violence. Read your history books, about how dictators subvert protests to get people to support crack-downs for law and order.

 I went to a protest last month, being very high risk from Covid, small town, around 10-12 people lined up. I remained 15-20 feet back. It was a mistake, I did not catch Covid but some unmasked Republicans showed up yelling and intimidating people. One as he shouted and cussed this woman out, we could see the spittle fly. I managed to stay far enough away but the worry was there, that if he jumped her, we'd all have to jump in the fight to defend her. As Covid worsens expect protests [even BLM ones] to be sidelined. I felt my safety was at risk, so protesting feels a lot different. [If I get Covid in my case it is an automatic death sentence]

 You know things are scary when you are getting your signs ready to go to a protest, and discuss possible violence, and other things happening. Trump was busy shoving people into vans with his goons. Our town is small so the risk seemed low but maybe not so much now. I even told husband, with a county full of Proud Boys, protesting for us may bring real dangers. Add in the danger of Covid.

How many protests would there be now, if people didn't feel restricted with the virus? Protesters did not spread the virus, most were masked. The world was joining together to demand economic equality and progress and well outside of BLM, that was shut down wasn't it? I fear for the future of BLM now too, as the danger has been ramped up for protests and Trump scapegoats them and uses his goons, to get the twittering conservative masses, to blame them for social unrest. All I have to do is read local newspaper articles that support BLM causes, to see the resident Republican racists go on about BLM "marxists" and with other racist language that writes off entire groups of people. I read these posts on Facebook to know who to avoid in my future. They defend police brutality too, the system and other cruelties. The hatred is so intense, it makes one ask how people have gone so insane.

 Racism in America is out of control. The divide I talk about and am losing friends over, does include racism. Years ago even your moderate Republican wanted to be seen as caring about those of other races, now they aren't bothering. The white supremacy and pointy hoods are out of the closet and don't care. I think of the 1960s and 1970s where many social movements, like the Black Panthers and other demands for liberty and justice were shut down. People forget even how the Civil Rights movement faced so many hardships.

  Social Distancing....

 This means more control. I hate that term though I believe Covid is real and am practicing it. The separation between people gives more power to the top of the pyramid. We already lived in a country where social disconnection has become the name of the game. One book I want to read soon is called "Lost Connections"

 Covid destroyed the few organizations and groups I did have to go visit people. It's every person for themselves. I believe organizations could fail, as no money comes in and people have to focus on their own survival. Zoom is not the same as in person meeting, and 6 months into this while a few extroverts blossom on Zoom, many people are becoming more withdrawn. Zoom means no more private in person conversations anymore outside of the group.  I use Zoom as it is better then nothing, but it is not the same as in person relationships.

 My life was far too isolated outside of my marriage and online friends even before this happened. With my husband I have discussed a life of loss, where I have been ripped apart from so many I cared about. Some of course I had to make the decision to leave, like abusers and others, but remember there's always been an empty hole where a loving family should sit. Maybe I have a tinge of jealousy for those who are so popular they can have parties during Covid with plenty of like-minded friends to show up to them. Even if you question the lock-downs, what kind of friends don't mind putting other friends at the risk of catching Covid and dying? I don't understand people.

Covid cut closed down social disconnections even further. People with families hunker down, in their own little oasis of people, but what about those without families or even a spouse to take refuge with? Many political bad actors want so much control. Snowden and others warned about this. They tried to pass some law where they could read all our encrypted emails.

 https://protonmail.com/blog/usa-laed-act-anti-encryption/

When people cannot personally meet, and talk about what is going on, information is more controlled, there's no spontaneity. Zoom means the whole crowd sees everything you say and do. Even the chat probably has the room operator able to read everything you type. Here they benefited too.

I feel disconnected from the real world, outside of my husband, all my information is coming in through the TV or internet, hmmm.

Locked Down lives----- Some of us essentially have been living like we have been serving county time because of this. Apartments as prison cells. I consider the uber religious and others who are meeting in their crowded churches and revivals to be like Stalin's useful idiots, they merely helped spread the virus to even the extreme rural enclaves of America, so there's no escaping it anywhere. The back woods of Maine and the UP of Michigan got cases too. There's nowhere safe in other words. It's scary how the religious people who believe the virus is a hoax go on about their "freedom" to get it, while not caring about the advancing fascism. There's times I think with this level of propaganda, and people who are so easily duped, that America doesn't have a chance at all.

 Christian preachers like Fuecht, are pushing for huge maskless gatherings to push the virus even further. So the people who are going around saying, "it's just a cold" are basically pawns too. They basically HELPED spread it  and are making it last. Why isn't Covid ending? I hold those people responsible.

Locked Down Emotions------- It has not escaped my notice, that the be positive crowd is still telling people to make lemonade out of absurdity, be productive, and telling us great things are coming as the bottom falls out. I have felt very alone in this. Some people mean well, but I have had the kind of life where I am a realist,  The religious and other magical thinking died for me long ago. While I think one should enjoy what they can, I do not see things getting better, I see utter collapse coming.

Here we were given absurd commercials like the above of all the happy peasants working out in their large homes or well appointed apartments and pablum like "Happy to Be Alone Together". Everyone in these fancy worlds had good computers to go on Zoom on, exercise programs, plenty of food and paid bills. Here they managed to make what would have been unacceptable acceptable. Turn the country into a petri dish and put everyone into their own little box. What a boon for utter control and shutting down of any political action, changes to society or even local support for change?

Being Lied To------
I don't buy Trump's "WHOOPS MY BAD" when it comes to Covid. Some may call me a conspiracy theorist for this one, I don't care, but former presidents have put a stop to former pandemics, Trump's dismantling of pandemic councils, silencing of scientists and more has had a willful purpose behind it. Paying back Russian Oligarchs and Putin by destroying America? Wanting to help the religious fools who helped him rise to power by putting in a theocracy via crisis? Who knows? Trump is an idiot but all his actions add up to being a traitor. Global pandemic isn't enough to wake up the cult members either.

Putting a Stop to Feminism?---- The kids are home and schools probably will be shut down again. Women will have to be at home. Homeschooling has now been made mainstreamed via necessity. Guess where this could go over the long haul?

 Destruction of Small Business------ Whose going to want to go out when doing so can get one sick? Restaurants are already closing in our area, including one favorite of ours. The restaurants that thrived on take-out have a better chance but many large sit-down restaurants are going bankrupt.  Its giving greater profit to megacorporations. They want a kleptocracy. I am someone who never used Amazon but very rarely but with this was forced to. Finding things in normal stores had already gotten harder and harder.  One thing people are not paying attention to, is that the supply chains are fraying.

Think about it this way as all the small businesses are destroyed and collapse, and I do not think most of the jobs are coming back, who gets the future business? The corporate chains, Amazon, etc. There's profit to be had. Say goodbye to the last vestiges of the middle class with small business shut down. There will be the uber rich and the very poor.

Culling what Conservatives consider the "Surplus" Population---- Conservatives don't hide the fact that they consider some people more worthy then others. I consider Covid19 defacto genocide against people of color, the disabled--chosen first for the triaging and poor people in general. One writer called it "mass death via public policy". 

The Descent Into Fascism---All students of history know that America is falling into fascism fast. Even Biden will not stop this ball rolling down the hill, he will merely slow things down. America toxic "think positive" culture has silenced all people who dare to talk about reality.  This means that people who warn of where things are going are essentially shamed and silenced. Plague means using emergencies to pass "new rules". On The Handmaid's Tale, the sons of Jacob, took over after a huge pandemic to establish their theocracy. The parallels here speak for themselves. I and my husband are "public" enough liberals that if the powers that be go after small potato liberals, we are screwed. He's written things that contain political opinions, we both have protested in a small conservative town. I've read enough history books to know how endless dictators and fascist regimes did their thing, and well America is following the typical gameplan. I think most fellow liberals even are going to be caught unaware.

I try to talk to people about these things, but very few respond. I get looked at like I am nuts. Is it too much to question such rapid changes to our lives or how this crisis is being used?

Losing Friends Over Trump and Religion


  Three to four years after my deconversion, I am still losing friends. Some people talk of Civil War coming to America, the divides happening are reminiscent of that time.My realization that deconversion is influencing my life heavy where long lasting friendships are ending, has not been easy.  Some authors have written and talked about how politics is dividing the country, entire families, and life long relationships. This is true.

 I realize the people I was around outside of my UU community and those in the arts locally as they clung so strongly to Republicanism, Christianity and Trump were toxic for me. Some can say  "Can't you be civil, can't you agree to disagree?" 

How do you compromise with people who don't support basic humans rights, and defend police violence?  How do you compromise with people who support a wannabe dictator that is openly destroying the United States? How do you compromise with people who support evil authoritarianism? How about the racism when they defend police who have murdered people or tell you it's okay for Trump to round up protesters without a trial or constitutional legal rights?


I know everyone has learning curves, I had my own. The fundamentalists impacted me to believe some very wrong things, however in my case, those beliefs were examined with time and growth and were changed.  I hate that I was a part of fundamentalism at all. My regrets are huge. I still protested war and kept some liberal values, but one of the main reasons to leave was the evil.  I could not abide by a religion that had no compassion for others.

What is scary is they support things like the destruction of Social Security, which impact my life and survival.  I still remember that one old friend who told me to go off social security and shouted, "Social Security is a slave system!" Most likely she is a Trump supporter. After I went no contact I realized how abusive this was.

How can a friendship survive if your friend supports evil? Some are people I care about but how do you abide by that?  I mentioned the friend holding parties during Covid19 even during more severe lock-down times, but she's ghosted me over my Facebook posts. Some friendships I left, others left me. With several I tried to have discussions, I don't require that my friends match my religion or politics, but there's a point where things break down. They think I don't respect their beliefs and are hurt on their end, but I can't. How could I lie? Some casual friendships and acquaintances can survive hard lines like this but ones where you thought there was a meeting of the minds won't. Conservative Christianity destroys friendships because there is the requirement you stay a Christian else the friendship ends for many.

These friends also knew I was not a blind supporter of the DNC. I wrote about my reluctant vote for Biden on here. Even with that history trying to reach out to them was like a brick-wall. Maybe I am too outspoken. Maybe this is the price of being too politically active? This has been somewhat lessened due to health but I protested Trump for years and was vocal on many venues.

Maybe I am too autistic to understand neurotypical minds and this is why I failed to make any headway. There's times I have regretting being so outspoken as friends drop by the wayside but it is who I am. Some neurotypicals never break the rule of discussing religion and politics. Maybe I made too many mistakes. In my heart of hearts, I have a lot of pain about not being able to be "me" with a lot of people as it is. I have my husband and other close friends online but most of the social world feels like a minefield. My thoughts about how autism made me vulnerable to abuse grew intense. I worried about being too weak but at the same time, realized how people were reacting to a person in such an extreme body with a monotone voice.

With a few of these friendships, I didn't even openly discuss my deconversion for some time dreading the outcome. I suppose it showed around the edges. I think I alerted one, when I started talking about climate change not realizing she didn't believe in it. Aspies probably are too blunt for our own good so mistakes were made. Maybe friendships will end naturally with time and change. I know I changed with the no contact, I stopped being the same person. Maybe it was no one's fault that things went the way they did.

I wonder if this is how people in Germany of the 1930s felt when they realized Adolf Hitler was a bad guy and realizing their family and friends were going for him. Trump is following the Hitler game plan using conservative and authoritarian churches and religions to carry things out. My Uber-Republican family went full Trumpster outside of the gay cousin's family and his brother.  Since my contact lasted longer with those cousins though it is now ended, I saw that on Facebook too.

I am not a coward and stand up for what I believe, but it does cost you when it comes to relationships. Maybe this is a price that grows difficult at times.  There are people in my life who share my values, my husband, my UU church members and others, I do think about more ways to change and better my life in seeking out people who hold my values and one of those values, obviously is EMPATHY. If someone's politics are such, they believe I should go to the gutter, since I am disabled, what does this say? If pandemic is not enough to get someone out of a stupor, what will?

I had more layers unpeeled lately, realizing how conservative and right wing of a town I was moved to in high school, so much so that 90% of my classmates are Trumpsters and evangelical.  I am friends with some on Facebook. I don't fight with them and haven't separated from them over these matters unless they post directly racist memes, but that's only because these are more casual Facebook relationships.  The extremity of the religious posts and others, has only increased. My high school was so extreme, they had Republican rallies, seems illegal, but it happened. One high school teacher had the classroom walls plastered with Reagan and Bush campaign posters.

What is there to say the divide is happening. America seems to have gone crazy and Trump is a cult leader that's stolen too many friends.

Wednesday, August 19, 2020

Turning the Other Cheek and Abuse


As I wrote in this article, my deconversion walked with my going no contact. I became with all abusers and enablers of abuse. With some time out, I realized how much Christianity set me up to be abused, defending the powerful and the status quo and telling me on endless levels how I deserved it. I hope others can be free too.

This meme walks hand in hand with the coerced forgiveness and enabling of evil in some Christian circles, and even the whole sociopath battle, I've had with others in multiple blog posts, about how their preaching "forgive and love sociopaths who are incapable of remorse" is messed up.

The biggest hole in conservative theology is God/Jesus supposedly teaches "Love your enemies" and then sends his to forever burn in hell. How does that make any sense? Is this a case of "Do what I say, not what I do?" Hell too also is the foundation for a religion that advances cruelty and abuse. If your God has no problem with toasting his enemies on a spit forever where's your mercy and compassion going to come in? So as people die on ventilators and can't breathe or are weakened for months, the evangelicals say things like "It's just a flu", or it's fake.

 How many get tired of being a Doormat for Jesus? Jesus himself, while he could have been a human with decent messages that got skewed via the later church empire, himself is shown taking on death and abuse to please his rampaging father. He is one of the world's most known scapegoat figures. Conservative Christianity especially pushed scapegoating overall, worshipping "might makes right", and compliance.

How many conservative Christians are taught to accept abuse and make excuses and a place for abusers, or the cruel [Trump a case in point] because of teachings like this? The bullies of the world get encouraged and this teaches that standing up against the evil is wrong, and that's messed up.

Lily Pads


Here is a recent painting I finished. I am considering an art sale soon including this painting but will post when I get this up on ebay with some other art work. Covid19 isolation did allow me to get some art finished. I am hoping the art center reopens this fall, but not sure yet if it will.

For the People Who Put Down "Victims"

I had someone some time back sneer against me as being a "victim of narcissists". As their narcissists were welcomed back to their life, my no contact has continued.

 I would add to my red flag list of predators, that ANYONE who complains about "victims" is showing signs of lack of empathy. I know they wanted to turn tables against me as I questioned their defense of the system. The added sneers about "fighting injustice" also took the cake.  These are the type of people who see protesters as the threat instead of the murderers or sociopaths that sparked the chaos to begin with.  One thing that helped me in my recovery was to reject the endless shaming techniques. I thought this quote was a great one.

That's one important thing to make it out of the thicket of trauma, voices like this will only do you harm. We were told to silence our truth, literally in my case for 4 decades. That everything we said was "wrong". I am not in a contest like narcissists to prove my "perfect life" or use my recovery to slap others, I see as less further along the recovery road. I've been out for years so much so while I still write about these issues, time has made the people who caused me so much trouble fade in the distance.

There is a silencing here which is the main point, they want people to shut up. I've maintained my no contact, and I made the decision long ago to continue writing about narcissism issues, because they do impact our world.

I don't want others to suffer like I have.  When people push this "rugged individualism" it is often based in privilege. They really believe people can control their reality. They don't care if you have life long disabilities from medical neglect. They are the types often who see a pandemic too as "not their problem", as I talked about in a recent article.

 If you fail to "control your reality" in America, often you are blamed.  People who buy into this system of oppression foist it's ideas on others. It is harmful as hell, if anything it will stop an ex-scapegoat's recovery in it's tracks. It is more of the BE AND DO WHAT WE WANT TO BE WORTHY. Trust me there can be many others lined up behind narcissistic parents who will still shove these ideas down your throat.

 I still think of the days when I was in people's like this horrible mental prison, where I sat head down, being told "You are not good enough"--TALK about what WE THINK YOU SHOULD TALK ABOUT.  Added to this was the idea, that I was supposed to BE WHAT THEY WANTED.  They want people always in that position of feeling like they have something to prove. According to these types, if you are an ACON, you better have money and a success or you are a forever victim! I get the feeling I have more fun in life then the drudgery succeed at all cost types, who foist this stuff on others.

I had legions of narcissists that had to be tossed out of my life, who saw me as a improvement project, or someone they wanted to control even to the point of what I talked about. One thing I notice with all of them, is they think they are perfect.

I got the clue some wanted me silent, because they found what I had to say challenging or threatening to their worldview, or their own feelings of superiority over me. "Protestant wishcraft" is a good term too, here is where religion clashes with psychological realities. Extremely religious people who believe prayer always brings results, and that life "turns out" for the good, and doesn't for the bad, can be toxic in their own way too. Too many Conservatives want authoritarianism and compliance and that means shutting up people who question the system. Just like they turn money and status into a contest, they turn healing and recovery into one too. Avoid these people for your own mental health. Life is more pleasurable and enjoyable without them. 

Please Vote for Biden: Trump's a Psycho!




The main reason I am voting for Biden is so something is changed with Covid-19. It is a selfish--I want to stay alive vote. Covid will only worsen if Trump gets in.  The Covid debacle alone should have every American forcing Trump out via votes. My state because of a Dem governor has more of a handle on things, but much of the country does not. To help us all stay alive, please vote for Biden.

 I am very disappointed that Bernie did not win. We can worry nothing is going to change with such an entrenched system. Maybe I am part of the problem voting for the "lesser evil" but Trump is a psycho. Do you see America surviving 4 more years of Trump? I don't. Biden is a sold out oligarch and I fear would continue Plan for a New American century wars, as America collapses, but I see this election as "buying time" to stay alive. There's times in life where one has to make a hard decision.  That said, I do think America is headed down, it is a collapsing empire. Chris Hedges is right.


Biden is not my first choice of a candidate. I can't jump up and down with joy with fellow liberals over Biden. Life under Obama was a lot more peaceful and he had far more class, but I never forgot that Obama signed the NDAA too. Biden set up today's police state and prison pipelines, yes that's a problem. It sucks to be in this position between a douche and turd sandwich as South Park would say but the orange turd sandwich is out of control and is going to poison us all.

The liberal friends who told me "Do it for the Supreme Court Justices", "Do it for the decent Democrats that will accompany Biden"--Trump's henchmen are all incompetent cowardly pieces of garbage, did convince me. I could vote for Howie [green party] and have voted for Green Party people before in local and other offices, but what would this do now but help Trump. Still under the sway of the fundies in 2016, I feel regret, that I didn't vote for president, though I voted in other races. Someone cussed me out over not voting for Hillary on my blog....yeah now I do see that as a mistake. I was wrong, I was reading all that fundamentalist "spirit cooking" and conspiracy crap and it's taken years to clean out my brain since my deconversion.  It is a mistake I do not want to repeat.

Biden has poor boundaries but at least unlike Trump, I haven't seen pictures of him hanging out with Epstein. With Kamala, I went on my Facebook wall, and asked people to tell me "positive" things. I worried about the prosecutor stuff, but some did present evidence to me that she supported some liberal things too. I can see the pressures on a young prosecutor to be hard-nosed.  Among Trump's list of nutcases like DeVos to Barr, Kamala is far better, even though I still have my concerns about her.

To have Democrats in power, could also divert the march to theocracy. That's another reason to vote for Biden despite his massive faults, do you want the Christian nationalists in charge? I sure as hell don't. They have done a national blitz to roll back reproductive rights, LBTGQ rights, and to enforce their extreme religion on us all. When I was still a Christian I wrote against Dominionism elsewhere. Yes I was a strange Christian. However this means I know the real goals of groups like the Council for National Policy and where the Christian nationalists want to take us. They have massively advanced under Trump. Gilead is a real danger. Stopping Trump from this alone, even if we have suck it up and vote for someone we "don't like", is necessary.

 Also as the predominantly conservative boomers die off, hopefully millennials and others, could push some of the agendas Bernie supported. AOC is waiting in the wings as well as other truly progressive politicians to step forward in the future.  Bernie while some are angry calling him a sheepdog, and sell-out, I think has good intentions. I know some don't like him working "within" the system. I was shocked and hurt when he told us to vote for Biden. It wasn't easy for any Bernie supporter to hear this and I was a gung ho one. He knows how the system works.

 I feel affinity for those who say the system must be 'changed' but right now what other choices are there? I took the ideological purity route in 2016 and got Trump. I would have voted for Jill Stein but saw those pictures of her at the table with Trump's campaign manager and Putin on conspiracy message boards.

Ted Rall and Chris Hedges probably would say, you are supporting the system, but psychologically I am burnt out, I don't want 4 more years of Trump, and want to stay alive. Some may say, "Bring on the revolution and burn it all down" but I have read enough history books to know how much immediate loss of life that can bring. We could be facing things like this anyway if the election is close, or if Trump refuses to step down. One sees open talk of civil war on message boards. I fear for my own state with all the Covid-loving religious nutcases and "Proud Boys" bringing on insurrection in our cities and threats against my own Democratic governor.  I support my Democratic governor to the utmost because I live in one of the few states succeeding against the pandemic.

Also let me put in this way too, a neoliberal with their faults, is a hell of a lot less of a threat then a would be Gilead supporting fascist, who allowed a pandemic to go on unheeded to hurt "blue states". Trump has committed so many criminal treasonous acts against the American people, do you expect this to get any better? I sure don't. He wanted to call out the American military against American people! Only our generals who had some sense stopped this madness. Why people still want to support this monster is beyond my understanding. Do you want a full blown dictator?


Yes, Biden should be in a nursing home or an assisted living playing bingo, reading books and relaxing but then there is the Orange Sociopath destroying our country, literally killing people and committing genocide against Americans who is unhinged with the football in near access.

Am I upset the choices aren't better? Yes. I think we should have had Bernie. We need change. Conservative boomers and too many brainwashed conservative and religious Generation Xers have their hands literally around America's throat. We need progress and vision right now not reactionary lies and nonsense that glorifies a past that never existed. We need science back. Oh that's one reason to vote for Biden, Biden would actually listen to doctors and scientists. Leave the delusional thinkers to run around without a mask during a pandemic. If Covid19 had broken out during Obama's administration, we would not be in the fix we are in at all!

Biden and Kamala also support Social Security, and other social safety nets, that Trump is hellbent on tearing down. That's another reason to vote for Biden.

I fear Trump winning again.  I am worried Biden was chosen as a weaker candidate so Trump would get back in. I am worrying the 2016 formula is being enacted again. Orange Hitler got in last time because a lot of people didn't like Hillary. The oligarchs have made a lot of money from Trump, sadly their greed is a damn bottom-less pit. I don't want to be responsible for Trump winning and destroying America for refusing to vote for Biden. Am I happy completely about Biden as a candidate, no I am not, but I believe Trump is so much worse. Trump is such a psychopath, he's already bragged about cheating or throwing the election.

 Vote for Biden even to hold back Covid-19 too. At this point even saving the post office by voting for Biden would be worth it too. I hope this November, we do not have the nightmare of seeing Trump become president for 4 more years. There won't be an America left then, count on it.

Thursday, August 6, 2020

The Fearless and the Selfish: Narcissism and Sociopathy are Destroying America



 America is such a narcissistic society and selfish society that even with the risk of death, the multitudes that believe they are "special" in their cruel God's eyes, don't care about themselves and others. I hate the masks too, but have cringed at the sheer numbers out there who waltz around without a care in the world breathing on whoever they please without one iota of worry about getting the Covid virus or spreading an asymptomatic virus. The rest of the world that believes in science and has gained more of a foothold over Covid19, now looks at America with horror. They should.

I live in a very conservative area that is rural, Republicans outnumber Democrats here by a lot, sometimes it gets very rough. We drive down the street and see 30-40 people outside at a bar, all grouped together, no masks, they are outside so circumventing orders against too many people indoors, but I am filled with dread. The Proud Boy flags pop up like mushrooms across the surrounding landscape. This is a "bible belt" area in the Midwest. Even the people I went to public high school with 90% of them are evangelicals and Republicans. My parents truly chopped my future into bits moving me away from an urban suburb to redneck land.

One local "friend" I have realized is more a "ministry" friend, held two parties, one for her retirement and one for her sister's 50th birthday.  Pictures of smiling people sharing potluck dinners on Facebook were put on display of all these people without a care in the world. How could these people sit there, not even worrying one of their friends or loved family members may catch it and die? Their very nature is foreign to me. One or two masks were in the photos but Covid was last on all their minds.

Even people I wrongly believed to be "moderate" Republicans see the virus as a "hoax". My county has thousands of cases, it was controlled for a short time, but is skyrocketing back up. Can you see why? I worry about social engineering, and control with this virus too, but watching people like this has shocked me, they just don't care. It reminds me of my upbringing among my parents who never were afraid of anything.  Can't breathe? "Tough, shut up and sit back down." Can't breathe? "You are ruining all the fun, time for our party, be quiet."

The Grim Reaper wouldn't dare upset their social plans. After all Jesus even though millions died in  the black plagues in Europe, supposedly saves them from all germs. Is this what it means to be a person whose life has gone so swimmingly well, that they can't even conceive of bad things happening to them?  The pompous fools ignoring history classes for life, think the good times are always going to roll even as the climate implodes? That only terrible things happen to OTHER PEOPLE? Others bragged about gatherings they attended without masks. None of them ever worried a friend may get it and die?

 I feel like my life is being destroyed by people like this. The virus was not contained and probably will never be contained. It could turn endemic. I have almost died gasping for air in hospital beds in my past before, and have to use a nebulized medicine twice a day just to breathe right on a normal day, and the PTSD mixture with this has been horrible for me. I am beyond fed up with people who just want me to shut up and repress all my emotions.

People are not thinking this out. The virus is not dying, it is growing and spreading. One doctor claims we will be stuck with it for years here. Other countries borders are closed. I think we could be looking at full collapse here. I hear a new person all the time who tells me so and so died of Covid. Several people at my UU fellowship have lost friends, and family members due to Covid.

One thing I am noticing among these smug Christian is they keep writing me and posting on Facebook, that I and others are a "bad people" for being afraid. Fear is bad to such types. Fear serves a need for the human animal in that it serves as a warning bell. This brings me flashbacks to narcissists too, who never feel fear or emotion, and demand that others do too. They are so sheep-dipped in prosperity gospel, and fantasy, that they are actually condemning me and others for having emotions during global pandemic and possible economic collapse. One local conservative Lutheran woman against masks, unfriended and blocked me for disagreeing with her and warning she could be putting her several children in danger.

I had a leg infection too last week,[first one in a year and half] and was able to get antibiotics, but that brought me fear as well. I had a 103.6 fever, and sat there in bed shaking from chills, wondering if I had caught Covid, the red on my leg said otherwise pretty soon, and wondering if I was going to die soon. This infection is better now.

 Their spiritual bypassing of people's emotions, disgusts me. The appeals to be a drone even during events like this sicken me. I wonder if another blogger with her perfect boomer life, will call me a "victim" for having emotions yet again.  40 million Americans may be evicted but she's got her life in order, and only "losers" and "failures" still have feelings. Such types will condemn someone for not having a "good life".  The privilege and arrogance drips out of their conservative boomer pores. They love the injustice, and are angry at anyone who speaks out against it.

 That's one thing I've noticed how these evangelical Christian types seem to have no empathy. They really don't care about anyone but themselves. I believe all the people of conscience are flooding out, of these churches and more, what type of people are staying? What kind of character issues do these people have?

Most are following their beloved amoral antichrist down plague ridden highway. Their conservative religion with it's disgusting Orange Savior is literally now a vector of death. I don't like Biden and consider him an oligarch but decided to vote for Biden ALONE based on Covid, just so there will be changes to Covid spreading. Trump seems prepared to cheat, and use his post office lackey--Dejoy to cook the election, but if things keep going on this way, there will be no America left.

 I thought about the Republicans holding a Fourth of July parade in my old town, taking photos of 50-60 people including children all grouped together and had the thought, America has a narcissism and sociopathy problem. If plague can't even motivate you to hold back your plans a little bit or even protect your own children or yourself, then something is wrong. I think that something wrong is narcissism and a giant dose of sociopathy. America has become a culture where competition, and crass commercialism taught people to be wolves to "win" and now the wolves literally are ready to shred each other to bits. Wolves don't give a shit about feelings, or protecting others or societal cooperation. They hate "victims" and if someone has any weakness, it is to be vilified and hated.



   America has sunk into this individualistic mode married to this idea that good health comes to those who DESERVE it, so much so, that even basic social cooperation to quarantine to stop a plague, has broken down. I see people who believe they never can get sick. They believe Jesus will protect them from germs. A few have told me folk remedies like baking soda or colloidal silver will fix it all.

They embrace all of Trump's pseudo-science and other nonsense. This brings me back to flashbacks about narcissists who had no empathy for health problems and believed only "losers" got sick or [got poor]. We now have 160,000 deaths and counting, and people still support the man who allowed this to happen to our country. That's one thing about sociopaths and narcissists, they know how to deflect blame and even if there is a giant screw up beyond the pale, they still manage to rise above it all.

    My extreme disappointment in people who seem to have no empathy for others and this extreme of selfishness has been growing. I have some friendships on the edge of imploding.  Deconversion even three years later really has brought home, the inauthenticity of "Christian" friendships. Some I tried to have discussions with. It has been fruitless. They seemed like such nice people but they support evil things. I can't sugarcoat it anymore.

Others I felt silenced and repressed and afraid fearing the inevitable. I know I destroyed my social life becoming a Christian fundamentalist. My protests against Trump, my belief in science is angering friends and distance is growing between us. This is a process that has ended as many friendships almost as going no contact. I would rather be alone then around people who censor me or expect me to support the evil they do.

What is there to say to people who think fascism is GOOD and have no problem with people being rounded up? One friend I may have brought back from the brink but I still find myself thinking, "You all expect a poor person to vote for people who did nothing but crush her, all her life?" I feel afraid of people who seem to glory in the destruction, the suffering and even in plague spreading like wildfire. My protesting, and standing against injustice has brought out anger in those who support the system. We are in a time now probably where tons of families and friendships are cracking apart. Too many have chosen insanity. I suppose some people during Nazi Germany in the 1930s, had those feelings of horror at the cruelty of those around them.

Narcissists and sociopaths advance death, and a destruction and watching a literal death cult affect this country is disturbing. Bodies pile up and they don't care. Every ACON is familiar with the malignants who deny what is happening. If they want to run off a suicide cliff, I don't have to follow but the problem is with Covid19 , their actions AFFECT me and a multitude of others. You can dance while the world burns and post crap about how "God is in control" but I don't have to follow.  All rationality has left people like this. Embrace the dark ages, and the worse dystopian future for your billionaire masters as you lick their boots, but I am pissed and won't accept it. I choose logic, sanity and at least will know I tried to protect others and listened to my conscience instead of idiots.

I have friends who do share my values and husband as well, but it is painful to lose friendships of many years duration. If you support people I think are as evil as Nazis, what does this say about you? And why won't you wake up? Do I have more narcissists around me that remained under the radar? I don't even want to talk to the friend who had the two parties ever again. I am someone who can handle people disagreeing with me, and the whole "agree to disagree" thing but there's a point where people reject human rights, another person's right to a decent life, advance racism, and join with oppressors where that tolerance vaporizes.

Most are clinging to the Trump cult without any self examination. Trump is a great man to them no matter his laundry list of fraud, crime and harm to others. Too many worship a God of cruelty, that wants plague spread, and does not care about the lives of fellow human beings. I am talking about the evangelical and conservative Christians here, who reject basic social cooperation in trying to stem plague. There are Christians out there who do support justice and stand against racism like people who belong to the Poor People's Campaign. So you expect me to fear socialists and people who want some social safety nets, for the ones unleashing jackboots across America, who will want to beat me down with a baton or shove me into a van and black box prison, for peacefully standing with a protest sign? I was right to leave a religion that when it has power, always desires to oppress. Those who believe in a God that wants to torture most people for their beliefs, have brought the hell they wish on other people to this very earth.

 One thing always lobbed at me is I am negative by such types. The places to be authentic here are very few and far between. I wish people didn't think complaining was evil, this is how we got in the shitty place we are now in to begin with. The "I got mine Jack and everything's alright" people screwed up all our lives now.  A lot of true colors are being shown, and while some people will surprise us with kindness, others will shock and disappoint.

The narcissists and sociopaths literally ruined America. The conservative boomers have lit a match to this place and are burning it down on their way out.  They don't care about the little kids they will pack into schools in about a month to spread the virus with it's life long effects.  The cult of always smile and never talk about anything bad and always be improving is part of the reason it's going down here.  I'm done kissing anyone's ass or faking emotions for anyone. If you support the death cult, and are refusing to wear masks, and don't believe in science, we got a problem. Your piece of crap sociopath you love has put all of our lives in danger, and even the country we live in and it's very future. 

According to Narcissists, Positive Thinking will Fix Everything.

Wednesday, August 5, 2020

Prehistoric Road Show

The other week, I did a lecture at my UU that talked about the epochs of time and diversity of plant and animal life in the billions of years of life on earth. I joked and said, "You are seeing the results of my pandemic PBS TV-watching." The show Prehistoric Road Show was one of those new shows. It is excellent. I have had a new interest in science that is growing.