...when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on Earth?" – Luke 18:8
I never found a church and doubt I will. I can't afford church. The teachings leave me cold. Remember in my case, I live a more affluent community, that affects the faith outlooks and types of church that are available. I continued some video tours of area churches, to see if I could find one that would work. There was this Lutheran church where the pastor taught God has made us [people in his church] all rich! Isn't that insane? He meant money too not spiritual richness! Watching this left me in shock. I wasn't interested on Lutheranism but ran across this local church by chance on YouTube.
The last thing I want to deal with now is some rich man demanding a 10 percent cut of our money or preaching things that have no relevance to my life. There's no discernment in these churches. They will tell me to support politicians and war efforts I do not support. The liberal ones will expect me to put aside values that are important to me and will support the system with pandemic mandates.
The reasons why I don't want to go to church anymore:
1. It's an inauthentic atmosphere. You can't be "real". Everything seems based on performance. It's not a place of close relationships or real connection but performative.
2. It is a high status society, those with higher status count the most. This is against the teachings of Jesus Christ [Luke 14] I saw this in multiple churches. I thought of "biker" churches and even ones that focused on the impoverished, but we didn't have churches like that here. There is one in the county but it would be a 50 mile round trip and we can't afford it. I considered going to an all African American church, there's no more segregated time than Sunday morning but many were prosperity gospel focused and did not find one that felt it was right for me.
3. It's a money focused society. I'm broke. I can't afford church. Yes, I know pastors need money to live. Professor Archive claims many are poor. Maybe churches where the pastors have outside careers are better because there's not as much pressure for cash among the congregation. Our financial life is so squeezed now, there's no money for anything else.
4. With my disabilities, even hearing a service in person is very difficult, my transcription phone works better one on one. Outside of my first good church in my rural town, I never found the connections/community I was looking for. The UU church was better but our beliefs were too different, and they went down a path with Covid and other matters I could not follow. Unless I move it's doubtful, I will be able to find a church again. Good ones simply aren't here.
5, Many churches are family focused, they even do things like title Wednesday services, "family training hour", those without a family don't fit in and these reminders can be painful on an ongoing basis.
6. Most of the churches around here are very pastor focused, you go and listen to the pastor speak for hours. My second IFB, independent bible studies weren't allowed, you couldn't talk about any religious or spiritual issues in any conversations. It was just listening to this one very boring elderly wealthy man, who loved war and the system speak on and on and on. [the UU was an exception to this and was lay-led as well with a minister doing sermons]
7. There's no discernment. If a pastor can't figure out something was off about Covid/Covid mandates or AI, or other developments in society, why am I even there following some guy that can't even get the smallest glimmer of reality about the world?
8. Watered down teachings. I like studying the Bible but when you repeat the same 10 stories and themes over and over, it gets boring. Some seem like they want to keep their congregants in kindergarten forever instead of studying even into junior high.
9. My own spiritual independence, I don't "fit" anywhere and question too many things. Yes it's my fault. Conspiracy theory truth seekers aren't exactly good fits in churches. Asking a pastor about the book of Enoch just makes them break out in sweats. I don't like how they portray God/Jesus more often than not. "Your God is cruel" and I think just follow this... John 10, "My Sheep Hear my Voice". ... I still ask questions or have beliefs that may get me in trouble in many places. It's easier at this point to remain independent. I watch a lot of Youtube channels, where the people on there talk about being Christians who have left churches.
This commenter is on to something.
"I think people are just tired of sitting on a bench, staring at the back of someone’s head, singing songs as some type of ritual, and listening to a speech. It’s no longer a family, but a corporation where you are the employee and the church is a corporation. Not all are that way, but most are."
So my search for a church hit a dead end, I sometimes do miss church activities and the community even now but realized there was nowhere for me to go. So I put church time into 'art time" and reading and watching spiritual things online and reading my Bible and praying.
One friend told me I should look into the Eastern Orthodox, no Pope but then they don't exactly follow Sola Scripture though I find some teachings interesting like theosis. Some seem very committed. Good Christians are in different places. I like some Catholic writings and stories of saints, I know some would find that odd in the evangelical world and call me a heretic.
I've been watching this channel on Youtube, now he uses AI for the imagery but the essays are good, Professor Archive is exploring the demise of churches in America. It's a very interesting channel.
Some common themes in his videos seem to be. 1. Young people are leaving churches. [by young, this would mean Gen X and below but Millennials and Gen Z are definitely dropping out.
2. Many churches have lost membership, especially evangelical and Protestant churches. He does seem to think the Eastern Orthodox are gaining in numbers, but I will write more on that later in this article.
3. The pastors know they are in trouble, and the financial picture is full of doom. Many pastors are leaving the field.
4. Prosperity gospel and Politics has ruined the churches.
5. Megachurches and televangelists are going out of style.
6. He talks about how Europe has departed from religion even more so.
8. He talks about the endless sex scandals and other corruption in churches and their leadership.
9. He talks about those who still believe but have left churches. He calls them "Church Refugees". This would describe me, although my matter was more complex going through my faith troubles and deconstruction. and those who have deconstructed and deconverted.
One video I want to add here is this one, African American churches are being affected too with these church trends. Young people are leaving there. I relate to a lot of this video such as when they talk about "Are you giving 10 percent of your paycheck to a pastor driving a Bentley?" This vlogger definitely refers to African American "church refugees" who still have faith but are done with the feckless pastors who demanded "seed money" and endless "offerings". He's right about the focus on materialism. He talks about TD Jakes and his scandals. He goes on to talk about how the pastor was made a false "middle man" and the false institution.
Professor Archive is right about young people leaving the churches and he provides stats in different videos. I saw this myself. My own generation was very rare in all churches I was in from conservative to liberal. I have written before Gen X kind of has dropped out of society, there's reasons for this. One thing I noticed is I was far younger than most members in all the evangelical churches I was in. People my age, who no longer lived at home were almost non-existent. This was true even of my second IFB circa 2015. I was in my 40s during the 2010s, and every adult in the church was over 60. Baby Boomers dominated every church I was in, even the UU.
The young are checking out, and by young I even mean Gen X and below, because the churches don't pay attention to their concerns, their lives and other issues. There's a point I think where the young simply became voiceless in churches. I'm not sure how that happened. All the focus on helicopter parenting and over-focus on the elders? One thing I noted was all the churches I was in, evangelical included, had youth groups but the kids simply didn't come back to church when they were adults. They stopped attending. Sometimes I think the only reason I was a rare Gen Xer in churches was due to being disabled, I was "retired" young in other words. People my age had other things to do. Work tired them out.
I was a moderator on a deconstruction board for some years. I talked myself on there how unsatisfied I was with the evangelical world. I recovered my faith but the churches nearly pounded it to dust for good. There were many people in their 20s-40s on this deconstruction board. Many talked about how the churches did nothing but criticize them and made endless demands that did not match economic realities. They talked about the harm of purity culture, the pressure to marry young and not pursue educations, the damage from home schooling where they missed out on educational milestones. God seemed cruel and distant to them too. This society is ruining so many spiritually even from its coldness and heartlessness. Where's the love for God or fellow humans in a country that is okay with making people live in tents or storage units without heat or cooling?
Many when entering the "real world" outside of their parent's tutelage, realized how woefully prepared they were. Their churches ignored their concerns, and this was true of me except in my own decent IFB with the sincere pastor. Many talked about spiritual abuse and extreme authoritarianism. Spiritual abuse was part of my past too. One thing I noted in that world, and I hope I was able to help some, was a lot of people were fellow ACONS. Narcissism was dominant in their families and religion used as a tool to "keep them in line".
The authoritarianism and oppression of youth in general is one problem I always had with churches especially after James Dobson broke out on the scene. They promoted parents controlling kids instead of guiding them. They promoted physical punishments, instead of teaching self regulation. The young people knew they had been let down. Many were done with church just based on all these negative experiences. Some retained faith but some did not.
One aspect with churches I believe leading them to failure is their completely and utter abandonment of young people with it comes to how the economy works. Outside of my one good IFB where the pastor warned hard times were coming for America economically, no church dealt with economic reality. They were too busy trying to scoop up as much cash as they could. The UUs weren't greedy like this, but in their wealth they ignored what was happening to young people.
Young people because they cannot afford rent, or groceries and are being crushed by the cost of living, really find no outlet in churches. Will any of the churches address these issues? I doubt they are even now. Some poorer older people too are abandoned too by churches who won't admit what is happening out there.
If your church is joined with those oppressing you, aka the ruling class, the establishment, what good are they? Hmm if I had to sum up my answer to why I don't go to church it would be this. "Because they lick the boots of the ruling class!" I even think about my old UU pastor, nice guy but the heavy promotion of the Covid vaxx, that meant I and he were done for good. Yes, I did warn him, in emails, you all know in 2021, I was reading all this stuff about the vaxx. It was just more not being listened to. That happened in other churches too, with the second IFB pastor, I wanted to talk about the bible, he treated me like an underling wasting this time. That happened a lot with these rich pastors, the narcissism was off the chart. They were always these busy "glad-hander" types. The sincere guy was more shy, that was more trustworthy than the ones who were so popular and "charismatic".
One question I have for people reading this, if you got to church is your pastor talking about the true state of the economy is he admitting it? There are some churches who do help the poor and homeless, surely some of them are seeing the numbers go up. Do any of them talk about it? There's Barber but he seems like a rare exception.
And speaking of young people, when they have no money to even afford a life of their own and pay for the basics, how are they going to pour money and energy into a church? Someone with two jobs who can't even keep the rent paid isn't going to be building the foundations of a community church, they simply can't. They can't afford the 10 percent tithes. Some pastors don't realize the heavy burdens they lay on people like Pharisees is having some stay away. I noticed a few times, that Professor Archive basically was stating that churches will be closing their doors. These pastors who have neglected to even mention the economic realities of today betrayed young people too.
Information is more available too, some are questioning their church's teachings. With the internet, you can explore any and every religion and churches teachings and study bible versions, history, and other faith issues. The young have access to websites that may even question their branch of religion, their pastors and more. They may go into faith exploration or periods of doubt or questioning. They may deconstruct or even deconvert. I deconverted very young, the internet wasn't around but the library fueled my doubts.
Nowadays with the internet and online communities where you can discuss things, the young have access to far more education. Some will be truth seekers. They may still love Jesus but they aren't going to put up with as much bologna from pastors. In the 80s the televangelists were going strong, there was one Elmer Gantry like fellow who would "sell" magic water for a donation on the TV. Jim Bakker got his cash, golden dog house, and then got hit with scandals. Back then there was a lot of money to be handed over. Todays young aren't so naive. An educated person with full access to the internet and news about church scandals isn't going to be filling up money envelopes for these shysters.
The Baby Boom generations back in the 60s and 70s had the New Age groups, Utopian groups and Jesus freak groups break out in the 1970s. They were more apt to join religious groups. Of course tradition back in the 50s was you went to church wherever your family did and followed in their footsteps. That's another issue that has emptied out the churches, economic nomads who have to move for jobs, don't follow Mom and Dad into their home church. That has broken up with the demise of family and connections.
Gen X kind of checked out, we saw those wayward televangelists get caught, we got disgusted watching Bakker with his dog house, and creepy Pat Robertson demanding more money on the 700 Club. While strong faith can be found among Gen Xers, we trust institutions far less. Why should we? They are so corrupt now. It is interesting that Professor Archive, has done several videos on the demise of megachurches and televangelists. Joel Osteen stepped down but had been losing members. Copeland has lost members. Some megachurches have closed and shut down. It's obvious these churches focusing on prosperity gospel are going to fail especially in the Depression 2.0 economy. With time, people will learn the theology of these money-masters simply has failed and is empty inside.
The truth of the economy is closing the doors even of decent churches and sincere pastors, with congregations of people who can't afford their basic bills anymore, so that's part of things too.
Churches are losing membership, that's a known fact. I visited churches in this town 20 years ago when I first moved here, and then 10 years ago looking for churches [after I left Calvary Chapel which closed soon after.] There were churches with 6 people in them for Sunday service all over the age of 65. A lot of churches in this town close and this is probably true all over. You see a church that is there one day gone the next.
Professor Archive says the Orthodox church in America is growing. Many all the disaffected evangelicals are filling their pews. There may be a novelty factor there too or an idea of more tradition and thousands of years of history. The evangelical world moved towards shallowness, maybe people see more depth with the Orthodox. I've pondered the Orthodox church but have too many misgivings based on Sola Scripture and other teachings. I don't know what direction the Catholic church is taking. I have issues with the Vatican and other teachings though there's parts of it I have nostalgia for like the nuns.
Some pastors know there is trouble, you can't keep a church going when every member is over 70. My last two churches, most members were over 65 years of age. Younger adults were either few in number or just not there at all. Prosperity gospel ruined the churches, it may sell when people are flush with cash, but when the money doesn't pour in and you get poorer and poorer, the false promises are obvious. Trying to sell Prosperity gospel during the Second Depression is just dumb.
People also have tired of the culture wars, I know I got tired of it all, left and right battling it out. Woke vs Christian Nationalism. I can't stand either side. That probably applies to some others. If one isn't a Republican or a Democrat where do you go to church? Where do you go to church if you want a pastor who isn't a bootlick to the Establishment or ruling class or globalists? Bill Gates was a great guy in my old UU church. Trump was the Orange 'savior" in the second IFB. People are worn out. Some are realizing things aren't adding up. There's only so much they can excuse as real life implodes. How many churches questioned Covid? A few stayed opened and protested mandates but they were the minority.
Megachurches will fail, they remind people of corporate conference halls, fake smiles, like a hotel meeting. The pastors carry their briefcases full of money, and there's endless employees to keep the showtime going. If you need a shuttle bus to go to church, you're in a crowd not a close group of people who will have your back. Europe is far more secular. I have European friends, church isn't even part of their world. They tell me America is so religious. No one goes to church here but very old people or if there is a wedding.
I do think there are many who still believe in God but are done with church, I found the videos on church refugees of interest.
Some explore house churches though that's a gamble. People do seem to want more authenticity. I always thought there should be churches for poor people to have community and pray, but then no pastor would be making money in a group of impoverished people. Some may find me too cynical about churches, remember I had good experiences like with my first IFB. I did find these videos interesting though about the trends now happening.
I find abstract art relaxing. I don't know if I am going to do some for a show, but I am thinking about it. I did learn some more of the techniques last year. Also my latest venture is to study neo-expressionism and try to take art work in a different direction.
Do not comply with the next one. Maybe Hantavirus is just more make everyone afraid psych ops like the monkey pox stuff. On the next go around unless I see dead people collapsing at my feet, I'm not going along with any of it. I still won't take any rotten vaxxes. Who knows what they will do to us this time? Throw us all in the streets?
I do believe people got sick from something in the early days, SARS, gain of function etc, but they carried it all on with those phony PCR tests and more. Society lost a verve it once had. People barely talk to each other out in public. I noticed a person in a mask yesterday but even there be careful, people get health problems they have to wear them for if they have a diminished immune system.
Maybe I am guilty too, I don't feel like talking to anyone, except friends and husband. Covid sure taught me to be wary of people. Well they did have us treat other human beings like germ bags for 3-4 years, what do you expect? They destroyed our society and there still hasn't been any truth. I don't expect it now. The fact they are trying to do a "rerun" bugs me. They may do "the boy who cried wolf" a few times before unleashing a new one, but the fact they got away with it, means they'll do it again.
Food is getting astronomically expensive. You will never see those lame No Kings protests talk about the cost of living. Maybe some do in other places, they don't here. Why don't they? Well, because billionaires finance them!
The other week Aldis raised some prices so food that used to cost me 60 dollars now costs around 90. So much money is being wiped out even from food costs alone, it's disgusting. I cannot afford to go to regular grocery stores at all, unless I only need one or two things. We have to weigh the cost of gas to go to the farther away Aldis. Why are Americans putting up with this? I don't get it. This is what happens when 6-7 monopolies own most of the food production too. I went into one expensive grocery store, and noticed they now want $10.99 for a pound of turkey lunch meat. I miss the higher quality stuff but haven't been able to afford it in years. It's Land of Frost for me or the other types that have been processed to the max. This is one reason wealth and better health go hand in hand.
Maybe I want some blueberries, I haven't been able to have a blueberry in 6 months, oh those are $7.99! Don't get me started on the cost of gluten free food, that's a joke and a half. Outside of bread, I can't afford any of it. I have to cook my stuff from scratch.
People should be scared, there's a point people will not have enough money to buy food. What happens when the oil [manufactured] shortages kick in? The costs will go up even farther. I miss olive oil too and other foods.
The ethnic stores do help, I made paneer with Aldis Jalepenos, and onions and crushed tomatoes, with tumeric/garam marsala. At least the ethnic stores will give you decent amount of spices and aren't so keen to rip you off. The 45 dollar pot roast in the video is insane. I can't eat red meat like that so don't buy the stuff, but come on, who can afford that for one meal? Should it cost 60-70 dollars to make a pot roast meal? Maybe if people made 60 dollars an hour. This country is nuts. I am surprised no one is picketing these rip off grocery stores. Maybe they are afraid of getting banned and having nowhere to buy food. Our local stores are a joke. At least in a month the veggie stand will have vegetables, making my food prospects a lot better. How are your local food costs looking?
Found this on a Facebook group called "say no to narcissistic parents". There are some good memes on that website, some of the art may be AI generated but they nail down some of the interactions of a narcissistic family better than most. Whole families can be "Pick Me" types aside from the scapegoat. You will hear words and sentences come out of their mouths that you heard from your narcissistic parent!
Is college worth it? Not Anymore! Small colleges are starting to close in my state. Many colleges are shutting down programs since there are no jobs in those fields. Maybe angry resentful graduates contacted them, maybe they noticed the numbers dropping and have adjusted accordingly. It didn't escape my notice most were cutting art education and journalism, two fields I and my husband shared.
This website tracks all the college cuts and closures. You can see the different closures and program cuts there. Art schools are closing, most of them led to their students being unemployed anyway. The movie Art School Confidential showed some of the absurdity of art schools, twenty years ago. Charles Schultz may have gotten some practical lettering and other classes in his city art school in Minneapolis, but those schools changed. Graphic design was dying when I was in school 30 years ago and switching over to computers. AI has taken over a lot of graphic design, you can see small companies posting the AI ads all over the place. Fine arts? I was in a state college to get my art education degree but most fine art degrees lead to unemployment. Yes some artists do make a daily living at it, but it is very competitive. If you can sell ANY art usually you are a doing quite well.
While art education is a positive, sadly in this utilitarian and growing totalitarian society, art is not valued anymore. Many artists are self-taught. I learned far more via the art centers than I did in college. There were so many missing holes I had to fill as an adult, this included obtaining proper art supplies and how to wire a painting. I'm not sure if I should judge my state school or not, some may say well they may have influenced you to continue learning, even while disabled. A lot of my life now is spent on studying art and making it. It's limited, the spoons are short in supply, but it's a large component of my life. Some may say, "Hey wait a minute, you got life enrichment then from your education!" Maybe so, but I don't want young adults to end up struggling like I did or not being able to support themselves, so this is why I warn on here. It wasn't all bad. Intellectual curiosity can exist outside of college too, my life was spent in libraries as well before I went to college.
I started college way too young at 17. I have told young people don't major in art, or art education if you are not independently wealthy. The jobs just are not there and the schools are cutting the arts programs all over. In my case, I can't decide, maybe if the body hadn't gone crazy, I may have been okay, and gotten a regular teaching job. Some said I was good at it. It's weird sometimes, I have taught art in volunteer situations, with helpers like in a one off class [only one day a week for an hour or so because physically I can't do any more] and people have told me, "You are good at teaching art!" It was kind of weird. Deafness would make this impossible now even for the volunteer situations I did on rare occasions. If you love a subject enough, enthusiasm and passion can float a teaching boat. It did for me.
Finding a viable career was on my mind, when I was doing my paralegal program. Some months ago, I was telling a close friend about how in my early 20s, the attempt to switch to being a paralegal. "It was time to be practical!" She told me people are born to be artists, and she saw that in me. I nodded, we were sitting in an art center where I had just shown some art. The paralegal field got glutted, soon after. Maybe in the 1990s if I had finished instead of becoming disabled I would have been okay but by 2002, the legal field included for lawyers was glutted to the max. Those with law degrees were going for the paralegal jobs too! One almost needs a crystal ball to know what career to choose anymore. Isn't STEM and health care being flooded now? It has to be.
I commented on this video and wrote: "Go to Vocational school while in high school for a specific job, that will put you ahead of many, don't waste money on college unless you are going to be a doctor or are talented at STEM. One can learn many things on their own now too via internet, libraries etc. One learns by DOING too with art, computers and more. You don't need to pay someone 10s of thousands of dollars to spoon-feed you. The jobs don't pay enough to warrant this much debt, yes wake up young people!"
Have any of you tried to give advice to young people? Some of the young people in my family have been okay, the nepotism wheel has rolled for most of them as I have written about. My family is not typical. I've met far too many who have become perpetually unemployed and have less career hope then I had for a time. One thing makes me angry, is when I see someone with high functioning autism/Aspergers comes out of high school, and nothing is provided for them as far as making a living with any training. It's crazy what do these schools expect them to do, flip burgers? You need intense social skills for most other jobs like waitressing, child care and being a barista. There's no realistic preparation.
More young people should take advantage of vocational school in high school. Get the skills for a basic job and then if you want to go to college later, it's a possibility. Hopefully those school programs have not been shut down. It was ironic, I used to substitute teach at one, and thought these kids probably will be able to get a job out of high school far easier than me, that will keep the bills paid. I had my reservations then already trapped in substitute teaching hell with feelings of wishing I could dial back time. I was not gaining independence fast enough from my family. College in my day cost a lot of money, but they didn't make it crushing as it is today. My alma mater, now wants around $125,000 for a 4 year degree! Will that pay off for most people? No Way! Laying out that much money to get a 15 dollar an hour job just isn't worth it! Spend the money on a small house, you'll go much further.
I've written about regretting going to college online some years ago.
"Be careful of spending money on college, sometimes I think if one is going to spend 30,000 plus, oops college is 100,000 plus now, my old Alma Mater wants 25,000 a year, when I went to college it cost around 6,000 a year. Back then I could have purchased a small house for what it cost. Vo-ed in high school-LOL weird I substitute taught there later, would have been a far better outcome. Housing is what will strip you clean as you get old and if you are a renter in your 50s like I am, it is hell and the costs always go up up up.
They are getting people with property taxes but I wish I had paid attention to HOUSING first. College didn't pay off for me. I wonder if young people are realizing college isn't paying off anymore. We are both college educated and poor as dirt. Both of us have full bachelors. I never made more than 14 an hour. BTW they pay less at some jobs I had 30 years ago. I made 12 an hour as a residential counselor in 1996, they pay them 10 dollars here, 30 years later. I made 14 an hour at my juvenile home in 1990, people in programs like that make only 15-17 an hour now.
And yeah they wonder why people are so much poorer?
My husband considers college worth it, and disagrees with me on this matter. He does prize education. He's written books. College definitely did spare him manual labor during his life. His career in newspapers lasted longer too. He saw college as a fulfilling place. I got into his college and could have gone there but picked the cheaper school. We could have met sooner!
I liked some parts of college quite a bit, some good memories were made there. Yes, this makes it complex. Some may even say to me, "Well you got 14/12 an hour instead of the 1980s/90s minimum wages which ranged from $3.35-5.30 an hour in our state!" In my dream world, college would be expanded and my neo-Renaissance world would have people hanging out the library and researching and studying things just for the joy of it but sadly in America, this isn't reality. Years ago, I got into this strange internet conversation, where I told these other people, maybe some folks should start underground colleges, that were far cheaper. They did have lecture societies in the 19th century! Credentialism and turning college into a career training field probably ruined it. It costs too much, and got bloated with too many administrators, and college sports.
Can college pay off for anyone? It is a gamble. Those who are talented in STEM careers sometimes can be okay but you better do your research and examine where things are now like IT and computer programming. One reason STEM does pay better is there are far less people with an aptitude for it than other more ordinary fields. Some say health care is the way to go but make sure you research how much doctors and PAs have to borrow. Be mindful of how high those debts can go and the rules that may be imposed on you. Some degrees that seemed to have led people to dead ends are Communications, Psychology--[you usually just end up getting a job in a group home for 12-13 an hour], English, Drama/Theatre, gender studies, Sociology, Education, Anthropology, Art History, Philosophy, Theology, Foreign Languages [unless you are a Native Speaker seriously don't bother, that's who they will hire], Hospitality, Journalism [We know first hand journalism has died.], Fashion Design, Fine Arts and Film Studies. It's kind of sad because many people love these subjects. Our society is growing totalitarian and that means no more art or less focus on enriching intellectual pursuits. One friend I was having this college conversation with, summed it up well. She told me college used to be a place to learn liberal arts and how to think, now it's just a useless and expensive trade school.
Pay attention to the statistics in this video about what's happened to young people economically! one commenter is right, it is a transfer of money from the poor to the ultra-rich too!
The boomers mostly knew a world where the economy worked, it's not working anymore. The young are far poorer and many are going into despair from dashed expectations. Things are far worse for Millennials and Gen Z and have declined even from what Gen X had to put up with. Imagine a kid growing up being told life will be a certain way and then their reality is nothing like that. Sadly, they belong to a family that gaslights them and tells them they are a liar, and they are wrong about reality itself. They are blamed. I was. It's not going to lead to good or close relationships.
The powers that be of course can divide the generations too, but no one is asking why are our lives being destroyed! The 1 percent's greed has grown to huge extent. The economy is going in the toilet but notice, no one has any plans of attempting to improve these things. I hope one day the young figure out how the elite have conned them out of a decent life in America and finally stand up for themselves. Maybe we need a peaceful "drop out" movement. They have made everything so expensive, where do you drop out to?
Gen X-Unfiltered claims Gen X has already signed out. Really who can blame them? They did years ago and this is the reason I never saw any fellow Gen Xers out in society. Many younger people are not being given empathy or understanding for their money problems. The economic differences are creating the growing estrangement out there. It is a core component of why more people are going "no contact" with their families.
Now one can blame the powers that be, maybe they are the ones putting the generations divided against one another, they brought the private equity companies to extract wealth. That said, many older weathier people do not see it, I've talked to them online and off. They believe in the system that brought them rewards. They react with outrage and disbelief when a younger person says, "Look this system isn't working!" They always blame the individual who can't get a job. We all know narcissists and psychopaths often succeed the most in USA society, so unless they are parasitical narcissists, most have money, you aren't going to get them to admit what is going on
Now there are some older people and boomers who will admit the system is failing, much of Generation Jones got an early taste of what was coming for Gen X. Some boomers refused to sell out or followed independent paths in life or ended up poor themselves. Certainly many middle class ones have seen their costs skyrocket. Some may have empathy for their much poorer children, but here's the reality many sadly do not.
As people here know, the economic chasm, was behind many of my problems with my family. Let's be realistic disability doesn't bring the cash, so in my case, serious health problems and autism, affected the money making in life. I also was sabotaged and not prepared for reality. One thing I find sad is many young people were not prepared for life, or told how things really are. This seems to have worsened. I worked in the schools when millennials were there. There was an unwritten rule that no teacher talk about how bad the economy is and how it was hard to get a job in the 1990s. Some of us saw what was coming. The younger generations are not achieving the same economic level. This is a fact. Are the teachers allowed to be more honest today? I don't know.
A few days ago, I saw one of those estranged parent boards on my social media. I've blocked a few but they keep popping up in my feed, probably because of my working on this blog and the algorithms. I don't want the estranged parents coming here, so I'm not going to use names, and will only paraphrase. One very out there estranged parent with a very "Karen", 2010s era, and severe hair-do, was complaining that your "estranged children" will show up near their demise to try and get money. She wrote all these other estranged parents, and said "Make sure you cut those ungrateful adult children out of your will, give it to charity instead!" Some of them may show up near the end of your life and try and get what cash they can!"It was an entire rant about greedy "no contact" adult children. One thing I noticed all these people were well-off, these were not people who were going to die leaving nothing or were in debt already from the nursing home or a wide variety of medical bills.
All these outraged "estranged parents" hopped on saying things like..[paraphrasing]
"Spend it all until you drop, if you do cut your ungrateful adult child out, do it in secret!"
"I cut my no contact kid out, I put things in a trust, and made sure nothing can be contested!"
My daughter was written out very soon after she left, she deserves nothing!"
One nice woman, she was the exception said she would keep her daughter in the will. [that was the only one] One probably ACON themselves wrote, "Try apologizing for once and see how that works for you, there's a reason your kids walked"
One included legal advice how to keep any entitled kids off your money.
"I plan to give my estranged kid just a few family photos, and nothing, and we are a rich family that owns a extensive landholdings and a ranch and I'm giving it to charity."
"My son was cut out, he's given me nothing but grief and only wants my money"
"All of 4 of my kids have been cut out, they won't have anything to do with me, so why should I give them anything?"
"My attorney told me to kick these estranged kids to the curb, and do what I want with MY money."
My attorney advised me to leave them a dollar so they can't contest the will. I am very wealthy and they aren't getting one dime from me!"
I've taken two kids out of my will and leaving it to my one son who cares about me!"
The thread was pretty disgusting, there were all these estranged parents talking about how they were going to cut their "no contact" adult children out of the will. One thing I noticed is how wealthy most of these people were, the kids weren't just going to get an old Lazyboy and some tools out of the garage, they were talking real money. How much did economic concerns and differences, lead to the split in the first place?" How many of the adult children ended up of more meagre means in their adult lives?
Jesus Christ warned in the Bible that it was harder for the rich to get to heaven than a camel through an eye of a needle. While I am sad about my own money problems, I do think things everyday like, "You have a roof over your head, there is food to eat for dinner, you were able to afford a little multi-media paper [not easily] to afford to make an art project. I kept thinking about that verse as I read this stuff. While a few of the parents didn't wish to wreck revenge during their wills [the possibilities of these people being more innocent estranged parents was far higher] a great majority were planning it. Oddly I did not see anyone who claimed to be broke or had nothing left to leave. Most of these estranged parents seemed to be upper class which led me to pondering a few things. There are poor older people including boomers. Some boomers and older people are becoming homeless. Are rich parents more likely to have estrangement with their children? How much did the economic chasm lead to the estrangement to begin with?
Money or lack there of on my side too destroyed things. When you become poor from a rich family as I have written about for years or even one where some were working class and ascended up the ladder in some branches, if you don't "make it" in USA society, you become disposable.
Materialism in American culture become rife, and status also became far more important. Sure this has always been a part of society but I don't think there's ever been a culture as materialistic as this one in the history of the world. Consumerist culture changed what the family was from the inside. Religion tampered a little bit of this down, but churches were losing influence by the 1960s.
Why won't more sociologists study what happens in families when there is an economic chasm? Very few sociologists have dealt with this, how the younger generations are far poorer and are facing an entirely different economic life. In 2011, they admitted that older generations had 47 times the wealth. I doubt this has improved.
Yes there are a lot of poor older people but from Gen X on down, the good jobs disappeared, they introduced temp and gig employment. When I used to read obits of older people, I noticed without fail though this ebbed away with time, they had the same jobs for 20-40 years. They didn't face constant economic scarcity, things were far more secure. My parents never faced unemployment or going without a job. Many in my family never did, so when some of us grew up and "failed" in the career world, it was not seen as the economy declining but our personal failings.. In my case, things were more complicated with obesity and autism, and being forced to do jobs no one else wanted to survive.
Years ago I used to follow Sister Renee's website for ACONs, but I stopped when I found out about this book. This told me this lady had money and did not understand or care to understand what had happened to younger generations. I was sad to find out she wrote a book against poor members of the family. Are there bums and parasitical people out there who don't work or try to better themselves, sure but the existence of this book bothered me. Did she go to too many David Ramsey seminars at church? He conveys the attitude that everyone who is poor is a lazy bum. I have talked about on this blog how churches are full of rich people now and the poor ones, well we fade out, we can't afford tithes or decent clothes or potluck casseroles to show up. She's got to be of some means, to even have freeloaders approach her. I've never had anyone come to me for anything, most know I'm broke.
why didn't she get the fact that many scapegoats are poor?
You see the thing is, ACONs and scapegoats are more likely to end up poor. Even those of us who worked hard, or went to school or tried to make it in life were seen as "bums", "burdens" and "freeloaders". I do think even if my own family wasn't so abusive, the relationships would have died out anyway. I had nothing in common with them. I had no money. They saw me as a "burden". There are times I do think things, like "I did us both a favor". Why stick around with people who don't like you or rub your failures in your face every time you see them [remember all the incessant bragging]? I am realistic enough to know how the family viewed me as a big fat failure. They didn't value art or religious pursuits. Many who go no contact, know their risks of homelessness are far greater should the bottom drop, there's no relatives to go to help anymore. Some are told that help won't be forthcoming anyway.
Does someone like this even know or relate to how painful it is to ask people for help when you need it? Does she realize most would rather have their own money? There are some parasites and users out there, but a lot are simply depressed people who are unable to make money. Some did make poor decisions like turning to drink and drugs in a fervor of hopelessness, but trust me, they'd rather have their own money and not want to be in need.
There are the less innocent parasites and irresponsible too. While we can have compassion for those who have arrived at depression or substance abuse problems, there are people out there who set a pattern of really bad decisions over and over. Sister Renee isn't wrong that some people simply live irresponsible lives, and are passive and expect others to pick up the slack for them. Some may be incapable and have real limitations while others are more willful in refusing to do what they should. It's complex. I just am upset that she didn't realize how many ACONs end up poor and economically disenfranchised. One thing always troubled me about drug addicts when I used to watch the show "intervention", some of the worse addicts seemed to get a lot of family help and some even bending over backwards. It troubled me. They weren't shown the door or booted out of their families even though their behavior in many cases was abysmal. Estrangement can happen for those reasons, I'm realistic about that.
One thing that can happen is many irresponsible people can ruin empathy for people who are legitimately poor. They drink, drug, take no initiative to help themselves and make insane decisions that make no sense. The Republicans who rant about all the homeless being drug addicts, there's a little truth there. Some are. They however paint every poor person with the same brush. They also ignore how many fall into substance abuse in an attempt to self-medicate or from trauma itself.
Poor irresponsible people can make life hard for the responsible poor people because they burn others or take advantage or play games, where people's trust in helping others is lowered. Compassion fatigue is an issue. I've talked to people who have worked with the homeless who gave me nightmare stories. I saw my own crazy stuff during my residential counselor job. My husband once told me, he will only allow me to move in any homeless people we are really close to. There was one time I was discussing moving in a homeless person, I only knew to a degree, they found a new situation in this case. We are limited in this help as we live in an apartment building where no one can be here over 2 weeks unless they are approved to live here. It's in the lease. There can be risks. Some families may be rightfully angry with a family member who refuses to get clean or go to AA or attempt some sort of career.
That said, if you are poor in America, one's life can be ruined far beyond the lack of money. It makes everything from survival to social acceptance that much harder. There's many who try and live responsible now and still fail. What's going to happen in a society where such a huge percentage of people have become "throw-away" people by default?
Life is easier as a poor person when you are not scrounging before someone anymore who has had endless money. The effects on the self esteem take a toll. Many grow old, and realize at a certain point, they are not going to attain the middle class barring some miracle, or are too disabled and realistic about their outcomes. So pass a certain age, people think to themselves why am I doing this? They know they are never going to be what their family values or expected or reach the same economic level of their family. They will always be an unequal. I became happier being free of people who saw me as a burden. I'm still poor but I don't miss that crap, being around these people who always had it all, and nothing but judgment for me.
You see younger people are coming to the same conclusion. They don't want to be seen as burdens, failures, and con-men for wanting some groceries or a running car. I have noticed very few well-off Americans are asking, "Why does life have to be like this?" while many poorer ones are ready to yell, "What are they doing to us?" The young sadly will not realize how life used to be, I worry about the erosion of joyous things, even little things like parks and doing art projects in such a twisted demented society that is all about enriching a ruling class. The rich spoiled ones on the top deny what is happening to a great number of people in America, and sadly there's a huge lack of realism. We are in the gaslightedHIDDEN Second Great Depression, except this time, narcissistic Mom, Dad and Grandma who have money don't want to know, and they won't admit what has happened. The poorer young people hear a drumbeat of :"You're a loser and a failure". Maybe this division was planned this way by the powers that be.
Many young people who are growing up and seeing the bottom fall out, have to be developing some anger. Everyone who struggles has a degree of it especially if injustice affected your life. What must they think of the employers behind desks denying them a future? What do they do with the frustration that arises from endless ghost jobs or impersonal employers that don't bother answering back? The promises of their parents didn't come true. Some with good communication with their parents can work that out, but those with narcissistic/and or clueless parents who embrace the system have far less hope of that. Narcissistic parents always defend those who do wrong by their off-spring. Sadly, that often includes a hellish economic system that pulled up the ladders long ago.
Is anyone surprised that millennials, Gen Zers and others who can't even find a stable 12 dollar an hour job that would barely buy any basics are checking out from their judgmental families and parents? I'm not. I'm surprised they haven't parked themselves on their parent's well-manicured lawns with protest signs. Remember unlike these poor younger people, I've kept a decent apartment and a running car so many of them are even poorer. They can't afford rent. Some have been stuck in permanent couch surfing. Some are noticing a life without money is a permanently deferred life, there's no marriage or family coming. You can see the endless depressed ones on YouTube and TikTok. Some of these economic changes are global too. The younger generations are struggling. Remember as you watch this video, millennials are now in their 30s and well into their 40s. These aren't teenagers or 20 somethings, waiting for future, they are at the peak of adulthood and they can't afford to have a life!
One caveat here, I am noticing growing poverty among 60 somethings Generation Jones and others who did not get the same economic benefits. The people who saw an America that worked are aging out. There is also growing poverty among older people as prices skyrocket and Social Security checks are small. They aren't working anymore to keep up with property taxes and other crushing costs.
We noticed while older people here had nice cars, we saw many people our age [Gen X and lower] having to walk to our local grocery store, this applied to a lot of people who worked there. My tales of listening to older people brag about dream vacations and global jaunts is all over this blog. Their reality was nothing like my own. This affluent town can be weird. They buy my art and have art centers and lots to do around here, but they really do live in another world. The stuff I talk about on this blog, most would deny it and call me nuts. That's the world the poor are dealing with now, they are hiding what is going on, we are told we are not seeing reality, we are given excuses and just told "You didn't work hardenough" or "you didn't live proper enough". There's trillionaires now for a reason, where do you think all that money is coming from?
Sometimes I tried to communicate my reality but many didn't understand. In my case, it was blamed on the body though a few over the years wondered what happened to my husband "he's such a talented writer" . I got in this conversation with my husband how, when we did all these community activities even during after work activities, fellow Gen Xers were never to be found. I said, "Did they all die"? My husband said, "They are probably all working like dogs". Their economic lives are not the same. The ones still with kids at home probably are busy with the struggle bus. Sometimes I wonder if the fellow Gen Xers all dropped out, their lives didn't match the boomer dominated institutions, and community groups. They didn't want to be the poor person in a room of people bragging about international vacations and discussing home decorating. They had high rents to pay, medical bills to deal with and just checked out into solitude. Sometimes I think churches are going to die once the boomers are gone, at least around here, I never saw any young adults Gen X on down in any church. There was a few millennials in my last church but they were rare even in evangelical churches. I saw this at churches too both liberal and conservative. Gen X had hard lives. They were more busy just trying to survive or there was the plain fact there were far fewer of us. Who can afford church? We have medical bills to pay.
Many perfectly healthy people go without needed jobs and stability and this got worse with time. Their parents often had little mercy. I saw this on the regretful parent's board, many parents were angry their adult children were always coming asking for money. No one asked why should it cost 3,000-4,000 to acquire an apartment with first and last month's rent? No one asked how the minimum wage hasn't been increased since 2009. No one asked why is the US economy like this to the point of destroying average people's lives. No, on these estranged and regretful parents board, the adult child was to blame, few seemed to even admit the greater forces that influenced things. That was part of my own experience, my rich family never would admit how things had changed. When I did talk about trying to get jobs or even pointed out I was working several jobs, there was always this implicit message, "you are doing everything wrong!". From what I can tell that's what many of these young people are hearing and it may be even worse today. Remember I had some employment to the day I went on disability. Now many of them can't even get the low-paying jobs to start with. If you know what a NEET is, that term exists for a reason.
Multiple times I shared on this blog how when I made 14 an hour in my juvenile home program in 1990 [30 hours a week] and 12 dollars an hour at my residential counselor job, that now 30 years later!, people are only making 15 to run recreation/afterschool art programs and when looking for a job for my husband acouple years ago, today's residential counselors are being offered 11-13 dollars an hour. Prices are far far higher but the wages remain the same. Millennials and others constantly talk about how they have no money to survive or get their own place and you can see their lamentations all over the internet about how they aqre forced to live with their parents into their 30s and now even their 40s!. They have shame, disappointment and scary student loans, they feel like they will never be able to pay. Hopefully older people are warning younger people, I do, not to be taken in by the student loan scam, if you borrow 100,000 to make 15 dollars an hour in the future, your life isn't going to go very well.
Back to the wealthier parents who have become estranged parents, many are angry at their children's failures and requests for money. Mine was very angry when I approached her on rare occasions for something that was always car related. Remember in my case, during severe economic times, I will always remember when she said, "You are not coming here, if you end up homeless". Can you imagine the crowd I quoted above, having an adult kid ask for money? I doubt it was fun for those kids either. Imagine the psychological damage it does to people to never be able to self-actualize as an adult and take care of yourself properly. You never get to grow up if you don't have enough money for a proper adult life. All these young people who can't afford lives are missing endless milestones. Milestones their parents gave them as the guide to life. Why wouldn't they question the wisdom and ability of their own parents, or even if those parents care about them especially if they ended up with system loving narcissists who are wealthy and don't question the system or what happened to their own adult children?
Remember I was on my own by 21, and there was always a paid for boarding house room or apartment even if an utterly crappy one in Chicago....many of these young people now have it far worse. It does something to people when their needs aren't being met. This society will collapse if this is allowed to continue. Young people who aren't even surviving, aren't pouring energy and resources into building their own lives, volunteer work, agencies, churches, community and family. The repercussions will be long lasting. They are having less children. There's multiple layers of collapse and some have simply only begun. The 1 percent psychopaths basically are cleaning out our society from the inside.
Some adult children get worn out from always being in the begging position, and well as they grow older and their fortunes don't rise, some of the parents start turning them down. I had relief you know going no contact thinking, well if the worse happens, I don't have to worry, they won't know. There will be no more embarrassment going to family meet-ups in front of lavish stone fireplaces and huge puffy couches, wearing clothes with holes in them. I won't have to hear about the fancy dinners out, or vacations or other things that aren't part of my life. I did get smarter about some social stuff here, I mean why remain in circles, where they talked about things I simply didn't relate to? What was I doing but wasting my time? Now people of all means can be your friends, but if you are around people who are materialistic and focused on certain things, it's something to consider.
With poor adult children, escaping wealthier narcissists, freedom from shame alone can be a God-given gift. That's part of this, I ran from abuse, but some in more mild situations may simply want to be spared shame. They want to be considered worthwhile humans no matter how poor they are. Decades of shame from poverty takes a psychic toll too. The relationship has no foundation. If your family values success and money and you have neither and they are narcissists, let's be plain, they won't value you. Why stay in a family where you are not valued? Why stay in a family where you are seen only as a source of embarrassment to be shamed and derided for not being successful? [no matter the outside forces that impacted that lack of success]
Remember with the elite, "divide and conquer" is their way of doing things. They've gone into the heart of the family. They not only sold the two for one deal for the corporations via feminism, they've cut ties based on biology and family where money/status count for everything. They've sold out the children's futures for their own greed. I never had children but I get pissed off seeing all these ruined futures now happening to American's young people.
You know at times I tried to open communication with my mother and say "Look things just don't work how they used to", but she would go on, "America is the land of opportunity". We once got in a fight near the end, where she talked about how she had acquired wealth via hard work, and I wrote back at least you were given the opportunity to work hard. One thing I noticed there was no understanding. If the job world is run like a Lotto where only the superstars get in, and that's grown far worse by the way, that means there's going to be a lot of people left without viable work. There seems to be little empathy. Years ago, there was extreme arrogance among my wealthier relatives, where anyone who did not make it was automatically seen as a loser and failure. It was interesting to me to discover the connections that got some of them where they are at today. One thing I noticed on the estranged parent posts is a lot of them seemed wealthier, they were all complaining about their adult children in well-appointed modern kitchens with polished granite counter tops and self closing drawers. Everyone can remember the estranged parent, Ollie Matthews posted on, who did a video, from her fancy house, basically doing a home tour while posing and complaining about her "no contact" daughter. Many of these estranged parents seemed to have a lot of money. Yes, chances are wealthier people have more access to the internet but even working class people have smart phones, how come I never saw a video from an average income Joe or Jane? Their complaints about their adult children being money-hungry losers, was always there. How many of them acquired their wealth simply from being narcissists to begin with? Not every rich person is a narcissist, but it makes rising to the top easier in America.
Now imagine being the "family loser", you're a poor Gen Xer or millennial or Gen Z who had your career fail and it's failed for years. Maybe you didn't even make it through college or manage any training. I have been in shock at the numbers of young people I met who simply weren't offered any path to any career even Vo-ed stuff in high school. You work all the time and never can get ahead, the bills are always too big. Your student loans take a giant chunk of your work check, let's say 500 a month. As time passes by there's more hope in your 20s to become "middle class" and "make it" then there is in your 40s. You go to Mom's house. Your parents are more well off, and live in a nice home, they have new clothing, mother wears a new outfit every time you see her, while you look down at a worn spot on your shirt is growing bigger and wonder if you can afford another. Mom and Dad go on several vacations a year and you can't even afford a bus ticket to see some college friends. While you are young, there's still hope for the future, maybe things will get better. Everyone struggles in the beginning. Some responsible adult children will attempt some training for a job, a return to community college, like my paralegal program started at age 23. There's no guarantees for that either. People think they will turn things around but as you grow older, that hope ebbs away. How many are losing hope out there?
Sadly so many who drop down the ladder from their family are looked at with disdain. Shared family businesses, farms and more are extremely rare today and mostly for the well-off. Sadly, you are looked at with disdain, some nicer parents may dish out pity instead of disgust but over the years this takes a toll on your self esteem. A lot of people talk about not seeing their families much, it's not always a narcissistic abuse situation but other cases, it's just checking out. Some people have nothing in common with their family. They feel under strain, what do you talk about with people who understand nothing of your life, its challenges, disappointments and more? If your family is a different socioeconomic level, estrangement is a natural outcome. While writing this article, I went look for a sociologist that may have studied this issue and found one who has written articles on downward mobility from the upper middle class? The Downwardly Mobile: How Some People Lose Class Privilege.
Here's another article: The Ballad of Downward Mobility that talks about how Gen X is the first downwardly mobile generation and has done far worse than their parents. [This only has grown worse with following generations] It would be interesting to know what the exact numbers are. What's the update to the 2011 statistics? That will take some research.
The economic factor was a giant factor in my own outcome of family estrangement though abuse and cruelty was the main issue. We had nothing in common. What did I as a poor disabled woman living in a working class-to poor household have in common with people hauling in 6 figures and who were millionaires? What was I supposed to talk about? My mother would excitedly talk about shopping, and meals out with the wife of Uncle Narcissist. Sometimes I engaged her in conversations on shopping but they were all one-sided as she purchased things I never could afford in my wildest dreams. As fortunes have declined for many young people, they have nothing in common with their parents living middle class to upper middle class and beyond lifestyles. They cannot match the expectations of their families so with time, they check out, estrangement comes in. Maybe some of the good parents, don't know what to say to their poor children, some may help with good intentions, but many are just angry, their children are disappointments. The rage I saw in these parents over their poorer adult children, that led me to write this article, was astonishing. Again as I have written when children became commodities and trophies, and when the trophies don't win, many with low level values feel cheated.
Before I went no contact I was being left out of multiple family events. There was family shopping trips, especially with my sister, one aunt and my mother and her children where they would go to a big city and shop until they dropped. I was never invited. They knew I had no money. This sadly reminds me even of a church I have some good memories of, they had an annual overnight trip for the ladies, where they would go shopping and do meals out, we were more working class during that era, my husband still in his newspaper jobs but I never had the spare 300-500 dollars to make participation in this trip possible. It did remind me of our differences. The differences at churches grew even greater.
You come to dread the visits. If parents are rude, judgmental, abusive, and narcissistic, a breaking point comes. It did for me. My case is extreme. But what about a regular person. It's not very motivating to go to visit people where you are always reminded of your failure. Keep in mind I am someone who has been in local newspaper for art, there are some things I am good at, but it didn't bring money. People get worn out. The younger generation having internet access, are learning more about abuse, toxic relationships and questioning things. They may be quicker to figure out something isn't right. They ask, "Why am I being treated badly for not being able to get a good job when I did everything I was 'supposed to"? Many are asking that question now.
Many of these families are not honest about the Great Depression 2.0 or economic changes that have come to America or how difficult life really is. The richer the family like my own, those things don't even exist to them, they live in a protective bubble, and they roll their eyes if you dare to say "Things aren't just the same", or "he's applied for hundreds of jobs". They never went scrabbling and begging for jobs, their connections make them happen. It's like they live in a box they can't see outside of.
The younger generations are tired. They know by a certain age, they will never meet their wealthier parent's expectations. They didn't measure up. Even if unsaid, you can see the faces of derision or pity. Many American families run by status and competition as I have repeated on this blog, there are no values of cooperation or "we are in this together". I have seen far more of this in immigrant, African American and other families, where there is some semblance of "being there for family members". I'm not sure how downward mobility has affected things in other groups but I'm sure it's happened to them too. Good jobs and even basic factory jobs disappeared in the inner city long ago.
I remember going to family visits even with Grandma and aunts and uncles, and there was always praise and accolades for my more well-off mother who became the queen bee handing out fancy presents. I caught eye rolls even at my more humble presents. You learn fast, "I do not fit!" this family. In my case I was left out of opportunities purposefully, but how much of this is leading to the estrangement. If you can't even afford the gas to get to grandma's house or bring presents for Christmas, will you be as excited to go? In some cases, you won't even get to go. I could not afford to go to my grandmother's funeral which was 350 miles away. My husband had been laid off from the job we moved here for. I wasn't no contact yet, I simply didn't have the money. Practicalities will lead to estrangement too. If a person can't afford trips, gas, a good enough car to go thousands of miles, family reunions aren't going to be happening. Distance grows. Estrangement can happen naturally from this. It may not even be an abuse situation in some cases, but just a lack of money, time and distance situation.
Some are checking out obviously and you can see why. In many cases the parents are abusive, insulting, and critical. However surely some cases exist where economic differences and embarrassment and different values clash. I didn't relate anymore to my family. The thin beautiful ones definitely made more money than the more overweight ones. There were some branches of my family like Uncle Lost Boy where he grew far closer to his wife's local working class family, he did the required basics showing up silent at Christmas meetups, but was far closer to them. Having people around him bolstered him, I don't think he felt as rejected or out of sorts, because he had a community of fellow working class people around him and his own family. He had a niche. Same for my brother who adopted his girlfriend's working class family.
The Economic Chasm in America has led to increasing estrangement in families, and you see this in many areas. Economic inequality is hitting families more than ever before. The young are facing a massive decline in their lifestyles and sadly in many cases lack empathy and understanding from their wealthier parents. They know they cannot afford a home like their parents or have the same financial stability. Some family members will view money differently and spend freely while others are savers and frugal. The economic screws have been turned so tight, frugality won't be enough to rescue you today. Some who fell down the economic ladder will have to cope with feelings of envy, resentment and despair. The wealthier ones may fear for their standing and be afraid of being drained dry by poorer family members. They will be angry at the envy, and some will be made to feel like they are the local friendly banker as they are encircled by more numbers of more desperate and poor relatives as the American economy implodes.
The narcissists will take care of themselves as they always do. The well-intentioned more well-off and middle class will fear having their own fortunes fall. Some families will survive better than others. The ones that have love and connection will manage. I'm already hearing stories from some older middle class friends in my old rural town, about how their children and grand-children are far worse off and they are having to pay some of their bills, or help them get to the doctor or provide basics like food for them. The narcissistic families will crack up. The kids are already clearing out, wake up! Because you have no understanding or empathy for them!
Some wealthier parents have dealt with drug addicted children and others who were not responsible with money. While others had responsible adult children who fell through the cracks that they lacked empathy for. The economy as a whole is not working for Americans and creating endless strife, stress and depression. Everything costs too much. They push debt on to people even for the basics. Those who face scarcity who do not get understanding from their family members face major pain. it's definitely a recipe for estrangement, division and fights between people.
I really feel for the young. Their lives are not turning out and I watch a lot of the economic videos where I see tons of upset young people talk about how their lives have been ruined. They can't even manage a basic relationship or apartment. How can you have a life like that? The gaslighting is harming them, as they are told by an upper vassal class, the economy is great, its YOU that are the problem.
The powers that be have divided everyone and even managed to silence the real experiences of people outside some niche outlets. Do you want to know how many people I talked to or posted about economic things on social media from 2020-2026 that told me, the economy is booming? Dozens. They were mostly older, wealthier and homeowners. Now imagine a jobless millennial being told this nonsense. So wonder depression and mental illness is skyrocketing as one can't even face the facts about the economy they live in. The young feel left out, and like they don't matter.
My advice is look beyond American attitudes about materialism. Spirituality and religion often have different answers about money. Obviously for many younger people, the beliefs and values their parents hold about money, success and materialism aren't going to work for them especially in a very different world. The United States is going into an economic decline. There are greater forces impacting people's lives even if your own parents or family won't admit what is happening. Turn to other ideas, and ways of being to survive and find some happiness in small things. Relief came for me no longer having to be around wealthier narcissists who denied me value and humanness just based on what was in my bank balance. Maybe some younger people will find their way out to better values, more spirituality and more important priorities.
One thing I believe is happening is people are losing belief in the system. I have. It doesn't work for most people anymore. Some people talk about losing motivation to work and if a job can't even pay for the basics of life, some are already saying why should we bother? Can you all imagine the wasted human potential here? So many young people who could give and use their gifts to the world, and get blocked from doing so. Where's the love in families based on competition, maybe some can challenge these ways of doing things. Maybe our challenge is to use what gifts we can, even if they aren't honored in the regular system and find love and connection outside of it all. It's hard when your own family due to narcissism put money and consumerism above everything else.
In America, there does seem to be a condition that you have money or you aren't even allowed to exist or be a human being. Now it can mean, you don't even get to have a family and I mean that on multiple levels. Young people are having far fewer children, many don't feel welcome at home, many have parents who never tried to understand their new economic lives and had no empathy for them. Many of these parents won't admit the new reality many are living in. The Economic Chasm has created the division, while some well-meaning people may wake up to what is happening and communication can help, the narcissists benefit from a system based on their anti-values. We can stand up and say this is our reality, they can deny it, but we don't have to. We owe that to ourselves.
