The Demise of the American Family 4: Distance Was Part of It

 

Many Americans have no money to travel anymore. What will this mean in a world where everyone lives far away from relatives?

People can't afford to see each other in person anymore. 

During the boomer's era when a man with a high school diploma could get a job let's say at a factory, or as a school janitor, could buy a house and raise some kids and feed them, life was different then. That family had enough expendable income to go to "Grandma's house" even if grandma lived hundreds of miles away. This is another issue not being explored by sociologists very much, how declining money and expenses for travel are breaking up family. Sure some say you can stay in touch via distance. I have friends online I never have met in person, I've talked to for 25 plus years. It often can work. With family though, if you are simply not around, and you don't have people who like writing letters or emails, the relationships will die on the vine. If you all live hundreds or even thousands of miles away long enough, time will erode any possible relationships. The poorer you are, the less contact you will have with your family. The younger generations who cannot afford rent, food, and more do not have money to spend hundreds and thousands of dollars to "go home" and visit family.

We were all scattered for careers that didn't pan out. 

One thing I have noticed is social services, counselors and others assume everyone has a family. While SOME people have family networks where they live, that's far fewer. Narcissistic parents will scatter families, people move away, even the golden and lost children feel the strain around the narcissistic parent, they think "I got to get out of here!" Families broke up for careers and economics and well while it paid off for older generations that did find careers, it stripped away any notion of family for younger people.

One thing I noticed in some smaller towns I lived in, is some families were still intact, they all lived in the same town. Life for them was far different, their family and relatives were part of the warp and weave of their everyday life. I know this woman where there were 5 sisters and they all lived in town, one was deceased but they visited her all the time in the nursing home before she died.

You Separated Everyone Long Ago 

I notice the estranged parent set never deal with this issue. I have posted about their outraged anger at their estranged children but do some realize, many of us grew up without extended family simply because they were too far away? Do they realize many of us saw our families scatter to the 4 winds, hundreds and thousands of miles away? I have written about how I grew up being hundreds of miles from all relatives. Why are some of these estranged parents shocked, that families have broken up? They blame their estranged kids but don't realize the fix was put in place for families to split up years and years ago.

I saw this estranged parent on social media getting angry at estranged children claiming, "They have no loyalty, roots, or sense of history, towards their family." Well what do you expect? Those things were thrown away in the 1960s. Family were strangers they saw once or twice a year or less. They couldn't pay their rent and their jobs paid them only basic survival wages so how could they afford to run around and visit people and build relationships with them? They weren't family, they were strangers. Even on Breaking Bad, the relatives were present in each other's lives even though Walter White was betraying them. 

This estranged parent ranted about  "family being reduced to DNA". 

What do you expect? Seriously. You think there's real relationships among people who never see or talk to each other? The reality is, that for many family members all they share is DNA and no relationships. I was far closer to loving friends I met online, I shared heart to heart conversations with via email than I was many family members. I sought "family" in all the churches I joined. It worked out once but then I was forced to move away from those folks. Church could be weird watching people around their families, and most of the conservative ones became extremely family focused to the point people without families did not feel welcomed. 

When a society decided that everything was going to be monetized this means social capital as defined by the book "Bowling Alone", connection no longer mattered. Along with the third spaces, family disappeared too. All decisions were to be made based on economics and "making it". Now that the younger generations aren't making it, the system is failing, the families are gone and the economic success except for the very wealthy has dried up. The estranged parents don't even understand or realize why their adult children are so upset. 

When Grandma lives over 500 miles away for years and as an adult, you live even further away for over 30 years.

How is a kid going to see "family" as important if they lived far away from all relatives and relatives were these people they only saw once to twice a year and sometimes less? I went no contact due to abuse, but I know one reason my mother gained control of the family so easily and why so many of the "better" relationships died on the vine, was I simply lived too far away and could not afford the necessary travel to maintain relationships with family. I didn't have the hundreds of dollars to go visit one's cousin's wedding, and I also had medical problems that made long distance travel far harder. It occurred to me as I tried to rescue a few relationships with some before going no contact with the entire family, some simply had no interest in maintaining family ties. They found my desire to "get to know each other" weird. They didn't relate to it. There was this sense that everyone was supposed to have their own life, and by even displaying a desire to have them in my life, I had broken some unwritten rule. In my case I learned to no longer beg people or go to empty wells, but the default was, "We don't care, get your own life, leave us alone". 

 No one came to visit me for years except for 10 minute stop offs on the way to elsewhere and even that disappeared. No one is going to keep any relationships going with this type of distance. 

Reaching out to Strangers Got Old and They left Me Before I Left Them

What does family mean today? Before I was no contact, I used to make phone calls, I was the type to call Grandma on a regular basis and even Aunt Confused. I sent presents, cards and more. What did it all mean? I was always reaching out while no one reached out to me or did as little as possible. I've talked about how I became a stranger. As I wrote in my no contact letter to my mother "Both of us have noticed we have become more ostracized over the years,  If people slam a door in your face enough times...what happens if you have any self-respect left? You walk away." And yes the slamming doors ricocheted through my life and affected what decisions I made. You can only try and force relationships that don't really exist so much. 

Churches Aren't for People with No Families

One reason conservative circles were always hard for me, was they all talked about how important family was. My fundamentalist churches, especially the last two, pounded on it continually. Those patriarchal types with their Quiverful clans of 10-12 kids lived in the world of yesterday no longer available to most. They had money and land for all those kids and tons of relatives around them. Many seemed stuck in the lives of 50 years ago where aunt and uncle lived down the street and you could go talk to them. Church got weird sometimes, the second IFB was always preaching how important family was. What if you didn't have one? Everything was about the "family". 

Some didn't get the memo that most families were all broken up starting in the 1960s and we didn't have extended families anymore. The demise of the extended family, I believe made narcissism worse. When there was more of a community around, there was more pressure to keep the narco-paths in control, '"why are you treating your kid that way?" An abused kid could get a break at a relative's house if they were close enough. The isolation of the nuclear family allowed abuse to fester and grow within four walls. The worse could get away with more. There was no one to challenge them. There was no community to demand at least a certain modicum of behavior. 

Uncles, Aunts, Cousins etc. you don't know.

Uncle Lost Boy doesn't care that I exist. He's never sent me a card and neither has his wife. I doubt he's thought of me in 25 years. "Oh I have a niece". That's the reality today. If I was homeless could I call Uncle Lost Boy for help? Doubtful. I'm a stranger. Remember I have no beefs with him. He's too controlled and passive in the face of my mother but there's been no harsh words between us. He is far closer to his wife's more traditional working class family who all live in the same town. Who can blame him?

My father's family had nothing to do with my family. We visited them but no one visited us after 1982 when my family moved to the Midwest from the East Coast. Aunt Confused kept some contact and visited once in 1998, but otherwise went poof out of our lives especially when she disappeared in the early 1980s and didn't even say goodbye to me as a teen. That was over with. They had money for trips, but no one was interested. Oddly they kept in contact with my mother, but money and lavish presents were motivators for weddings. First cousins, simply had nothing to do with us. 

I am not the only one no one talks to because I went no contact. My brother told me he hadn't talked to my sister in 2 and half years right before I went no contact with him. My other two siblings are at least at the very low contact level and could be no contact now. I found out from Aunt Confused, that two granddaughters wouldn't even share their addresses with her. She was invited to weddings, but not allowed to be part of their day to day lives. The cousin who called me to tell me he had gotten divorced, a few years ago, told me he hadn't seen any family members in years. Some ACONS warn when the scapegoat leaves, the families break apart. Mine had broken apart before I left the fractures definitely grew. Younger people don't have the same money, time, resources, energy or space to maintain family relationships like older generations. That impact is already happening. 

This issue has been covered on this blog by me multiple times where I talked about my life as an "economic nomad" and there was never any real home. Someone may ask "What's your home town?" What town do I name? They say "move home to family for support"  to young people. Some have divorced parents so things are even more broken up. What does that mean when the family is spread about 5 different states? 

One thing I constantly noticed in the fundamentalist and conservative churches I was in, was many were in the more traditional mode, they lived among family members mostly in small towns. Now these churches were mostly the Baby Boomer generation and older. They had jobs and established lives in small towns, and extensive networks. This will not be true of the younger generations. I predicted there's going to be a lot of churches closing when the boomer generation dies off. This one thing I chafed against in all my conservative and evangelical churches. Many evangelical churches claim they grow by going out to the highways and byways and street preaching for new "converts" but I'll be frank, that's rare. Most people in the churches are family members. I've noticed with some of the estranged parents, they all are of that background, some are evangelicals using religion to shame their "wayward" youth. 

Conservative politicians were always hypocrites about "family values", they pushed those in our faces for years, while pushing idyllic 1950 visions of home and hearth, they built financial systems and took away all social safety nets that would have allowed more families and communities to remain intact. I didn't want to hear about how all the people without families were wicked. I've noticed the estranged parent movement has a huge evangelical flavor to it, where they push the same stuff ignoring the economic realities their adult children face and say their children are all "wicked". 

Physical Presence Matters

Family will break down from distance alone, physical presence matters. In history, cultures had rituals and shared events. These events built up solidarity and positive memories. That won't happen in a family that can no longer afford travel or participate in any traditions or meet-ups.  The family dinners, and family reunions of yesterday also have disappeared. I am old enough to have seen some of those things in the 1970s. Things were different then. When I was sent to my aunt's house to stay, that wouldn't happen for many children today.  Due to distance, people will be facing extreme illness, poverty and other life troubles on their own. Those with young children will be on their own or fully dependent on expensive daycare. The family is simply not there to help. As the economy gets more oppressive this means the young will have less to do with their families, even in non-toxic ones they would otherwise desire contact with. The money will simply not be there. 

Connection between family members has broken down. Now there's those of us who had to break connections that brought pain, abuse and sabotage to our lives, but there's many connections being broken now for other reasons. Family are strangers that don't even know what your day to day life is like. I see the theme with young people trying to describe their reality to their parents, where the parents take little interest, or do not relate whatsoever to what they are facing. The old days weren't perfect, some were stifled and controlled too much by their family systems. Some families were abusive or demanded too much. Small town life with a permanent reputation at the hands of your family could be oppressive. People were told to obey parents to the extreme. However, this isn't good either.

Family as Competition Clubs, with No Love or Loyalty

However there were some family values, that were different. There were notions of loyalty, duty and more. While some of these things could be used as a trap, in the "old days" one could depend on one's family a bit more. A daughter would not be left to die in an inner city with no one to help or even pushed to get a job like that in the first place to avoid "homelessness". Family used to take each other in if they faced hard times. There was unity in some families. There was some cooperation and an idea of "us against the world". Older generations did have the outlook of "keeping the family together". I've seen this meme around and there's truth in it. Many haev noticed when their Silent Generation grandparent died or even a more traditional older boomer did, the family folded, no one was having family meet-ups any longer even beyond the affordability issues.

My family was a competition club. I'm not the only poor person who got mocked. I grew up listening to this nonsense. Nepotism became for the favorites instead of trying to help the family as whole. I noticed among older generations there wasn't such a severe divide economically between family members. This is definitely one thing that has happened to the American family. There was no more togetherness, there was economic competition. There's a reason estranged and toxic parents put their kids down as "losers", and then they are shocked when said adult children, walk away. They have no sense. Of course they would. Their family is not a bastion against a cold hard world but people who made everything far more difficult. 

While there were disabled people who were abused or rejected, [locked away in the attic] I know if several great-uncles and aunts got Huntington's today, instead of 50 years ago, their fate would have been far worse. I don't have contact with those family lines anymore to know how their children have fared. Family shared business and opportunities where now that seems to be only competition. Some wealthier families do use nepotism still, but many are left out of that. There was some social contract and more trust within families. Family was supposed to protect and look out for each other. That definitely has been lost in many places. Leaving a relative to the homeless shelter instead of helping them, would have brought shame in the old days. 

There were negatives, abuse could be hidden, via the unspoken message "We don't air our dirty laundry in public", you didn't go to therapists back then. There could be more secrets but family in more cases was something you could depend on more. The second Great Depression will be far harder on people because during the first Great Depression there was far more family cohesiveness and connection. 

There's some panicking because Gen Z and younger generations don't want children, "We've gone below replacement levels!" If you think about it why would they?  People aren't receiving fond memories of family but dealing with families that harmed and abused them. Even if more neutral, family connection is something for yesterday. DNA today means strangers who live far away, it doesn't mean people you can turn to or count on. I know some fortunate souls have a far different experience of family but for many people it's been a wholly negative experience. This one reason young people don't want children, if family is a negative word to you, why would you want to add members to a family that never had your back and always left you behind?

Professor Archive on Churches: Are Churches in America Dying?

 

...when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on Earth?"  – Luke 18:8

I never found a church and doubt I will. I can't afford church. The teachings leave me cold. Remember in my case, I live a more affluent community, that affects the faith outlooks and types of church that are available. I continued some video tours of area churches, to see if I could find one that would work. There was this Lutheran church where the pastor taught God has made us [people in his church] all rich! Isn't that insane? He meant money too not spiritual richness! Watching this left me in shock. I wasn't interested on Lutheranism but ran across this local church by chance on YouTube. 

The last thing I want to deal with now is some rich man demanding a 10 percent cut of our money or preaching things that have no relevance to my life. There's no discernment in these churches. They will tell me to support politicians and war efforts I do not support. The liberal ones will expect me to put aside values that are important to me and will support the system with pandemic mandates.

The reasons why I don't want to go to church anymore:

1. It's an inauthentic atmosphere. You can't be "real". Everything seems based on performance. It's not a place of close relationships or real connection but performative. 

2. It is a high status society, those with higher status count the most. This is against the teachings of Jesus Christ [Luke 14]  I saw this in multiple churches. I thought of "biker" churches and even ones that focused on the impoverished, but we didn't have churches like that here.  There is one in the county but it would be a 50 mile round trip and we can't afford it. I considered going to an all African American church, there's no more segregated time than Sunday morning but many were prosperity gospel focused and did not find one that felt it was right for me. 

3. It's a money focused society. I'm broke. I can't afford church. Yes, I know pastors need money to live. Professor Archive claims many are poor. Maybe churches where the pastors have outside careers are better because there's not as much pressure for cash among the congregation. Our financial life is so squeezed now, there's no money for anything else. 

4. With my disabilities, even hearing a service in person is very difficult, my transcription phone works better one on one. Outside of my first good church in my rural town, I never found the connections/community I was looking for. The UU church was better but our beliefs were too different, and they went down a path with Covid and other matters I could not follow. Unless I move it's doubtful, I will be able to find a church again. Good ones simply aren't here. 

5, Many churches are family focused, they even do things like title Wednesday services, "family training hour", those without a family don't fit in and these reminders can be painful on an ongoing basis.

6. Most of the churches around here are very pastor focused, you go and listen to the pastor speak for hours. My second IFB, independent bible studies weren't allowed, you couldn't talk about any religious or spiritual issues in any conversations. It was just listening to this one very boring elderly wealthy man, who loved war and the system speak on and on and on. [the UU was an exception to this and was lay-led as well with a minister doing sermons]

7. There's no discernment. If a pastor can't figure out something was off about Covid/Covid mandates or AI, or other developments in society, why am I even there following some guy that can't even get the smallest glimmer of reality about the world?

8. Watered down teachings. I like studying the Bible but when you repeat the same 10 stories and themes over and over, it gets boring. Some seem like they want to keep their congregants in kindergarten forever instead of studying even into junior high. 

9. My own spiritual independence, I don't "fit" anywhere and question too many things. Yes it's my fault. Conspiracy theory truth seekers aren't exactly good fits in churches. Asking a pastor about the book of Enoch just makes them break out in sweats. I don't like how they portray God/Jesus more often than not. "Your God is cruel" and I think just follow this... John 10, "My Sheep Hear my Voice". ... I still ask questions or have beliefs that may get me in trouble in many places. It's easier at this point to remain independent. I watch a lot of Youtube channels, where the people on there talk about being Christians who have left churches.

This commenter is on to something.

"I think people are just tired of sitting on a bench, staring at the back of someone’s head, singing songs as some type of ritual, and listening to a speech. It’s no longer a family, but a corporation where you are the employee and the church is a corporation. Not all are that way, but most are."

So my search for a church hit a dead end, I sometimes do miss church activities and the community even now but realized there was nowhere for me to go. So I put church time into 'art time" and reading and watching spiritual things online and reading my Bible and praying. 

One friend told me I should look into the Eastern Orthodox, no Pope but then they don't exactly follow Sola Scripture though I find some teachings interesting like theosis. Some seem very committed. Good Christians are in different places. I like some Catholic writings and stories of saints, I know some would find that odd in the evangelical world and call me a heretic. 

I've been watching this channel on Youtube, now he uses AI for the imagery but the essays are good, Professor Archive is exploring the demise of churches in America. It's a very interesting channel. 

Some common themes in his videos seem to be.

1. Young people are leaving churches. [by young, this would mean Gen X and below but Millennials and Gen Z are definitely dropping out.

2. Many churches have lost membership,  especially evangelical and Protestant churches. He does seem to think the Eastern Orthodox are gaining in numbers, but I will write more on that later in this article.

3. The pastors know they are in trouble, and the financial picture is full of doom. Many pastors are leaving the field.

4. Prosperity gospel and Politics has ruined the churches.

5. Megachurches and televangelists are going out of style.

6. He talks about how Europe has departed from religion even more so.

8. He talks about the endless sex scandals and other corruption in churches and their leadership.

9.  He talks about those who still believe but have left churches. He calls them "Church Refugees". This would describe me, although my matter was more complex going through my faith troubles and deconstruction. and those who have deconstructed and deconverted. 

One video I want to add here is this one, African American churches are being affected too with these church trends. Young people are leaving there. I relate to a lot of this video such as when they talk about "Are you giving 10 percent of your paycheck to a pastor driving a Bentley?" This vlogger definitely refers to African American "church refugees" who still have faith but are done with the feckless pastors who demanded "seed money" and endless "offerings". He's right about the focus on materialism. He talks about TD Jakes and his scandals. He goes on to talk about how the pastor was made a false "middle man" and the false institution. 

Professor Archive is right about young people leaving the churches and he provides stats in different videos. I saw this myself. My own generation was very rare in all churches I was in from conservative to liberal. I have written before Gen X kind of has dropped out of society, there's reasons for this. One thing I noticed is I was far younger than most members in all the evangelical churches I was in. People my age, who no longer lived at home were almost non-existent. This was true even of my second IFB circa 2015. I was in my 40s during the 2010s, and every adult in the church was over 60. Baby Boomers dominated every church I was in, even the UU.

The young are checking out, and by young I even mean Gen X and below, because the churches don't pay attention to their concerns, their lives and other issues. There's a point I think where the young simply became voiceless in churches. I'm not sure how that happened. All the focus on helicopter parenting and over-focus on the elders? One thing I noted was all the churches I was in, evangelical included, had youth groups but the kids simply didn't come back to church when they were adults. They stopped attending. Sometimes I think the only reason I was a rare Gen Xer in churches was due to being disabled, I was "retired" young in other words. People my age had other things to do. Work tired them out.

I was a moderator on a deconstruction board for some years. I talked myself on there how unsatisfied I was with the evangelical world. I recovered my faith but the churches nearly pounded it to dust for good. There were many people in their 20s-40s on this deconstruction board. Many talked about how the churches did nothing but criticize them and made endless demands that did not match economic realities. They talked about the harm of purity culture, the pressure to marry young and not pursue educations, the damage from home schooling where they missed out on educational milestones. God seemed cruel and distant to them too. This society is ruining so many spiritually even from its coldness and heartlessness. Where's the love for God or fellow humans in a country that is okay with making people live in tents or storage units without heat or cooling?

Many when entering the "real world" outside of their parent's tutelage, realized how woefully prepared they were. Their churches ignored their concerns, and this was true of me except in my own decent IFB with the sincere pastor. Many talked about spiritual abuse and extreme authoritarianism. Spiritual abuse was part of my past too. One thing I noted in that world, and I hope I was able to help some, was a lot of people were fellow ACONS. Narcissism was dominant in their families and religion used as a tool to "keep them in line". 

The authoritarianism and oppression of youth in general is one problem I always had with churches especially after James Dobson broke out on the scene. They promoted parents controlling kids instead of guiding them. They promoted physical punishments, instead of teaching self regulation. The young people knew they had been let down. Many were done with church just based on all these negative experiences. Some retained faith but some did not. 

One aspect with churches I believe leading them to failure is their completely and utter abandonment of young people with it comes to how the economy works. Outside of my one good IFB where the pastor warned hard times were coming for America economically, no church dealt with economic reality. They were too busy trying to scoop up as much cash as they could. The UUs weren't greedy like this, but in their wealth they ignored what was happening to young people.

 Young people because they cannot afford rent, or groceries and are being crushed by the cost of living, really find no outlet in churches. Will any of the churches address these issues? I doubt they are even now. Some poorer older people too are abandoned too by churches who won't admit what is happening out there. 

If your church is joined with those oppressing you, aka the ruling class, the establishment, what good are they? Hmm if I had to sum up my answer to why I don't go to church it would be this. "Because they lick the boots of the ruling class!" I even think about my old UU pastor, nice guy but the heavy promotion of the Covid vaxx, that meant I and he were done for good. Yes, I did warn him, in emails, you all know in 2021, I was reading all this stuff about the vaxx. It was just more not being listened to. That happened in other churches too, with the second IFB pastor, I wanted to talk about the bible, he treated me like an underling wasting this time. That happened a lot with these rich pastors, the narcissism was off the chart. They were always these busy "glad-hander" types. The sincere guy was more shy, that was more trustworthy than the ones who were so popular and "charismatic". 

One question I have for people reading this, if you got to church is your pastor talking about the true state of the economy is he admitting it? There are some churches who do help the poor and homeless, surely some of them are seeing the numbers go up. Do any of them talk about it? There's Barber but he seems like a rare exception. 

And speaking of young people, when they have no money to even afford a life of their own and pay for the basics, how are they going to pour money and energy into a church? Someone with two jobs who can't even keep the rent paid isn't going to be building the foundations of a community church, they simply can't.  They can't afford the 10 percent tithes. Some pastors don't realize the heavy burdens they lay on people like Pharisees is having some stay away. I noticed a few times, that Professor Archive basically was stating that churches will be closing their doors. These pastors who have neglected to even mention the economic realities of today betrayed young people too. 

Information is more available too, some are questioning their church's teachings. With the internet, you can explore any and every religion and churches teachings and study bible versions, history, and other faith issues. The young have access to websites that may even question their branch of religion, their pastors and more. They may go into faith exploration or periods of doubt or questioning. They may deconstruct or even deconvert. I deconverted very young, the internet wasn't around but the library fueled my doubts. 

Nowadays with the internet and online communities where you can discuss things, the young have access to far more education. Some will be truth seekers. They may still love Jesus but they aren't going to put up with as much bologna from pastors. In the 80s the televangelists were going strong, there was one Elmer Gantry like fellow who would "sell" magic water for a donation on the TV. Jim Bakker got his cash, golden dog house, and then got hit with scandals. Back then there was a lot of money to be handed over. Todays young aren't so naive. An educated person with full access to the internet and news about church scandals isn't going to be filling up money envelopes for these shysters.

The Baby Boom generations back in the 60s and 70s had the New Age groups, Utopian groups and Jesus freak groups break out in the 1970s. They were more apt to join religious groups. Of course tradition back in the 50s was you went to church wherever your family did and followed in their footsteps. That's another issue that has emptied out the churches, economic nomads who have to move for jobs, don't follow Mom and Dad into their home church. That has broken up with the demise of family and connections.

 Gen X kind of checked out, we saw those wayward televangelists get caught, we got disgusted watching Bakker with his dog house, and creepy Pat Robertson demanding more money on the 700 Club. While strong faith can be found among Gen Xers, we trust institutions far less. Why should we? They are so corrupt now. It is interesting that Professor Archive, has done several videos on the demise of megachurches and televangelists. Joel Osteen stepped down but had been losing members. Copeland has lost members. Some megachurches have closed and shut down. It's obvious these churches focusing on prosperity gospel are going to fail especially in the Depression 2.0 economy. With time, people will learn the theology of these money-masters simply has failed and is empty inside.

The truth of the economy is closing the doors even of decent churches and sincere pastors, with congregations of people who can't afford their basic bills anymore, so that's part of things too. 

Churches are losing membership, that's a known fact. I visited churches in this town 20 years ago when I first moved here, and then 10 years ago looking for churches [after I left Calvary Chapel which closed soon after.] There were churches with 6 people in them for Sunday service all over the age of 65. A lot of churches in this town close and this is probably true all over. You see a church that is there one day gone the next. 

Professor Archive says the Orthodox church in America is growing. Many all the disaffected evangelicals are filling their pews. There may be a novelty factor there too or an idea of more tradition and thousands of years of history. The evangelical world moved towards shallowness, maybe people see more depth with the Orthodox.  I've pondered the Orthodox church but have too many misgivings based on Sola Scripture and other teachings. I don't know what direction the Catholic church is taking. I have issues with the Vatican and other teachings though there's parts of it I have nostalgia for like the nuns. 

Some pastors know there is trouble, you can't keep a church going when every member is over 70. My last two churches, most members were over 65 years of age. Younger adults were either few in number or just not there at all. Prosperity gospel ruined the churches, it may sell when people are flush with cash, but when the money doesn't pour in and you get poorer and poorer, the false promises are obvious. Trying to sell Prosperity gospel during the Second Depression is just dumb. 

People also have tired of the culture wars, I know I got tired of it all, left and right battling it out. Woke vs Christian Nationalism. I can't stand either side. That probably applies to some others. If one isn't a Republican or a Democrat where do you go to church? Where do you go to church if you want a pastor who isn't a bootlick to the Establishment or ruling class or globalists? Bill Gates was a great guy in my old UU church. Trump was the Orange 'savior" in the second IFB. People are worn out. Some are realizing things aren't adding up. There's only so much they can excuse as real life implodes. How many churches questioned Covid? A few stayed opened and protested mandates but they were the minority.

 Megachurches will fail, they remind people of corporate conference halls, fake smiles, like a hotel meeting. The pastors carry their briefcases full of money, and there's endless employees to keep the showtime going.  If you need a shuttle bus to go to church, you're in a crowd not a close group of people who will have your back. Europe is far more secular. I have European friends, church isn't even part of their world. They tell me America is so religious. No one goes to church here but very old people or if there is a wedding. 

I do think there are many who still believe in God but are done with church, I found the videos on church refugees of interest.

Some explore house churches though that's a gamble. People do seem to want more authenticity. I always thought there should be churches for poor people to have community and pray, but then no pastor would be making money in a group of impoverished people. Some may find me too cynical about churches, remember I had good experiences like with my first IFB. I did find these videos interesting though about the trends now happening. 

Five Hundred Pound Peep: Churches and Me

Abstract Art II

 

Snippet of a recent abstract painting.

I find abstract art relaxing. I don't know if I am going to do some for a show, but I am thinking about it.  I did learn some more of the techniques last year. Also my latest venture is to study neo-expressionism and try to take art work in a different direction. 

Covid Handed All the Power and Money to the 1 percent...

 

Do not comply with the next one. Maybe Hantavirus is just more make everyone afraid psych ops like the monkey pox stuff. On the next go around unless I see dead people collapsing at my feet, I'm not going along with any of it.  I still won't take any rotten vaxxes. Who knows what they will do to us this time? Throw us all in the streets? 

 I do believe people got sick from something in the early days, SARS, gain of function etc, but they carried it all on with those phony PCR tests and more. Society lost a verve it once had. People barely talk to each other out in public. I noticed a person in a mask yesterday but even there be careful, people get health problems they have to wear them for if they have a diminished immune system. 

Maybe I am guilty too, I don't feel like talking to anyone, except friends and husband. Covid sure taught me to be wary of people. Well they did have us treat other human beings like germ bags for 3-4 years, what do you expect?  They destroyed our society and there still hasn't been any truth. I don't expect it now. The fact they are trying to do a "rerun" bugs me. They may do "the boy who cried wolf" a few times before unleashing a new one, but the fact they got away with it, means they'll do it again. 

Food Costs are Getting Insane!

 

Food is getting astronomically expensive. You will never see those lame No Kings protests talk about the cost of living. Maybe some do in other places, they don't here. Why don't they? Well, because billionaires finance them!

The other week Aldis raised some prices so food that used to cost me 60 dollars now costs around 90. So much money is being wiped out even from food costs alone, it's disgusting. I cannot afford to go to regular grocery stores at all, unless I only need one or two things. We have to weigh the cost of gas to go to the farther away Aldis. Why are Americans putting up with this? I don't get it. This is what happens when 6-7 monopolies own most of the food production too. I went into one expensive grocery store, and noticed they now want $10.99 for a pound of turkey lunch meat. I miss the higher quality stuff but haven't been able to afford it in years. It's Land of Frost for me or the other types that have been processed to the max. This is one reason wealth and better health go hand in hand. 

Maybe I want some blueberries, I haven't been able to have a blueberry in 6 months, oh those are $7.99! Don't get me started on the cost of gluten free food, that's a joke and a half. Outside of bread, I can't afford any of it. I have to cook my stuff from scratch.

 People should be scared, there's a point people will not have enough money to buy food. What happens when the oil [manufactured] shortages kick in? The costs will go up even farther. I miss olive oil too and other foods.

The ethnic stores do help, I made paneer with Aldis Jalepenos, and onions and crushed tomatoes, with tumeric/garam marsala. At least the ethnic stores will give you decent amount of spices and aren't so keen to rip you off. The 45 dollar pot roast in the video is insane.  I can't eat red meat like that so don't buy the stuff, but come on, who can afford that for one meal? Should it cost 60-70 dollars to make a pot roast meal? Maybe if people made 60 dollars an hour. This country is nuts. I am surprised no one is picketing these rip off grocery stores. Maybe they are afraid of getting banned and having nowhere to buy food. Our local stores are a joke. At least in a month the veggie stand will have vegetables, making my food prospects a lot better. How are your local food costs looking?

Siblings in a Narcissistic Family

 

Found this on a Facebook group called "say no to narcissistic parents". There are some good memes on that website, some of the art may be AI generated but they nail down some of the interactions of a narcissistic family better than most. Whole families can be "Pick Me" types aside from the scapegoat. You will hear words and sentences come out of their mouths that you heard from your narcissistic parent! 

Is College Worth It? Not Anymore!

 

Is college worth it? Not Anymore! Small colleges are starting to close in my state. Many colleges are shutting down programs since there are no jobs in those fields. Maybe angry resentful graduates contacted them, maybe they noticed the numbers dropping and have adjusted accordingly. It didn't escape my notice most were cutting art education and journalism, two fields I and my husband shared. 

This website tracks all the college cuts and closures. You can see the different closures and program cuts there. Art schools are closing, most of them led to their students being unemployed anyway. The movie Art School Confidential showed some of the absurdity of art schools, twenty years ago. Charles Schultz may have gotten some practical lettering and other classes in his city art school in Minneapolis, but those schools changed. Graphic design was dying when I was in school 30 years ago and switching over to computers. AI has taken over a lot of graphic design, you can see small companies posting the AI ads all over the place. Fine arts? I was in a state college to get my art education degree but most fine art degrees lead to unemployment. Yes some artists do make a daily living at it, but it is very competitive. If you can sell ANY art usually you are a doing quite well. 

While art education is a positive, sadly in this utilitarian and growing totalitarian society, art is not valued anymore. Many artists are self-taught. I learned far more via the art centers than I did in college. There were so many missing holes I had to fill as an adult, this included obtaining proper art supplies and how to wire a painting. I'm not sure if I should judge my state school or not, some may say well they may have influenced you to continue learning, even while disabled. A lot of my life now is spent on studying art and making it. It's limited, the spoons are short in supply, but it's a large component of my life. Some may say, "Hey wait a minute, you got life enrichment then from your education!" Maybe so, but I don't want young adults to end up struggling like I did or not being able to support themselves, so this is why I warn on here. It wasn't all bad. Intellectual curiosity can exist outside of college too, my life was spent in libraries as well before I went to college. 

 I started college way too young at 17. I have told young people don't major in art, or art education if you are not independently wealthy. The jobs just are not there and the schools are cutting the arts programs all over. In my case, I can't decide, maybe if the body hadn't gone crazy, I may have been okay, and gotten a regular teaching job. Some said I was good at it. It's weird sometimes, I have taught art in volunteer situations, with helpers like in a one off class [only one day a week for an hour or so because physically I can't do any more] and people have told me, "You are good at teaching art!" It was kind of weird. Deafness would make this impossible now even for the volunteer situations I did on rare occasions. If you love a subject enough, enthusiasm and passion can float a teaching boat. It did for me.

Finding a viable career was on my mind, when I was doing my paralegal program. Some months ago, I was telling a close friend about how in my early 20s, the attempt to switch to being a paralegal. "It was time to be practical!" She told me people are born to be artists, and she saw that in me. I nodded, we were sitting in an art center where I had just shown some art. The paralegal field got glutted, soon after. Maybe in the 1990s if I had finished instead of becoming disabled I would have been okay but by 2002, the legal field included for lawyers was glutted to the max. Those with law degrees were going for the paralegal jobs too! One almost needs a crystal ball to know what career to choose anymore. Isn't STEM and health care being flooded now? It has to be. 

 I commented on this video and wrote: "Go to Vocational school while in high school for a specific job, that will put you ahead of many, don't waste money on college unless you are going to be a doctor or are talented at STEM. One can learn many things on their own now too via internet, libraries etc. One learns by DOING too with art, computers and more. You don't need to pay someone 10s of thousands of dollars to spoon-feed you.  The jobs don't pay enough to warrant this much debt, yes wake up young people!"

Have any of you tried to give advice to young people? Some of the young people in my family have been okay, the nepotism wheel has rolled for most of them as I have written about. My family is not typical. I've met far too many who have become perpetually unemployed and have less career hope then I had for a time. One thing makes me angry, is when I see someone with high functioning autism/Aspergers comes out of high school, and nothing is provided for them as far as making a living with any training. It's crazy what do these schools expect them to do, flip burgers? You need intense social skills for most other jobs like waitressing, child care and being a barista. There's no realistic preparation.

More young people should take advantage of vocational school in high school.  Get the skills for a basic job and then if you want to go to college later, it's a possibility. Hopefully those school programs have not been shut down. It was ironic, I used to substitute teach at one, and thought these kids probably will be able to get a job out of high school far easier than me, that will keep the bills paid. I had my reservations then already trapped in substitute teaching hell with feelings of wishing I could dial back time. I was not gaining independence fast enough from my family. College in my day cost a lot of money, but they didn't make it crushing as it is today. My alma mater, now wants around $125,000 for a 4 year degree! Will that pay off for most people? No Way!  Laying out that much money to get a 15 dollar an hour job just isn't worth it! Spend the money on a small house, you'll go much further. 

I've written about regretting going to college online some years ago. 

"Be careful of spending money on college, sometimes I think if one is going to spend 30,000 plus, oops college is 100,000 plus now, my old Alma Mater wants 25,000 a year, when I went to college it cost around 6,000 a year. Back then I could have purchased a small house for what it cost. Vo-ed in high school-LOL weird I substitute taught there later, would have been a far better outcome. Housing is what will strip you clean as you get old and if you are a renter in your 50s like I am, it is hell and the costs always go up up up. 

They are getting people with property taxes but I wish I had paid attention to HOUSING first. College didn't pay off for me. I wonder if young people are realizing college isn't paying off anymore. We are both college educated and poor as dirt. Both of us have full bachelors. I never made more than 14 an hour. BTW they pay less at some jobs I had 30 years ago. I made 12 an hour as a residential counselor in 1996, they pay them 10 dollars here, 30 years later. I made 14 an hour at my juvenile home in 1990, people in programs like that make only 15-17 an hour now. 

And yeah they wonder why people are so much poorer?

My husband considers college worth it, and disagrees with me on this matter. He does prize education. He's written books.  College definitely did spare him manual labor during his life. His career in newspapers lasted longer too. He saw college as a fulfilling place. I got into his college and could have gone there but picked the cheaper school. We could have met sooner!

I liked some parts of college quite a bit, some good memories were made there. Yes, this makes it complex. Some may even say to me, "Well you got 14/12 an hour instead of the 1980s/90s minimum wages which ranged from $3.35-5.30 an hour in our state!" In my dream world, college would be expanded and my neo-Renaissance world would have people hanging out the library and researching and studying things just for the joy of it but sadly in America, this isn't reality. Years ago, I got into this strange internet conversation, where I told these other people, maybe some folks should start underground colleges, that were far cheaper. They did have lecture societies in the 19th century! Credentialism and turning college into a career training field probably ruined it. It costs too much, and got bloated with too many administrators, and college sports. 

Can college pay off for anyone? It is a gamble. Those who are talented in STEM careers sometimes can be okay but you better do your research and examine where things are now like IT and computer programming. One reason STEM does pay better is there are far less people with an aptitude for it than other more ordinary fields. Some say health care is the way to go but make sure you research how much doctors and PAs have to borrow. Be mindful of how high those debts can go and the rules that may be imposed on you. Some degrees that seemed to have led people to dead ends are Communications, Psychology--[you usually just end up getting a job in a group home for 12-13 an hour], English, Drama/Theatre, gender studies, Sociology, Education, Anthropology, Art History, Philosophy, Theology, Foreign Languages [unless you are a Native Speaker seriously don't bother, that's who they will hire], Hospitality, Journalism [We know first hand journalism has died.], Fashion Design, Fine Arts and Film Studies. It's kind of sad because many people love these subjects. Our society is growing totalitarian and that means no more art or less focus on enriching intellectual pursuits. One friend I was having this college conversation with, summed it up well. She told me college used to be a place to learn liberal arts and how to think, now it's just a useless and expensive trade school.