I don't want to be part of the divide and conquer, but I worry about never feeling the same again about the people who invalidated me, minimized me, and sought to silence me. There was one guy I knew on Facebook who I risked being open with who told me they should hold me down and force the shot on me. He came back to apologize, but I just didn't respond. He crossed a line of bad behavior. Why put up with it? The other day I was saying to my husband, "Some of these people are nice to me, but I could never trust them in the same way I could before." I just feel betrayed. They support all this. I tried to talk to a few, but I couldn't get through to most, I was wasting my time.
I could accept people just disagreeing, that's fine, but remember this is an issue where we will not be left alone and are not being left alone to live our lives in peace. Agreeing to disagree is fine, but what if these are folks who want your rights taken away and support you being harmed? I already got "banned" from places. When one has to walk on eggshells so much it sucks. When one loses friends over sincerely held beliefs that sucks more.
It has you question things. My whole life has been diminished. I feel rejected, betrayed, ignored, invalidated at some incredible depths. One new friend who sees through all this, said to me, "I think you need some new people to be around". Maybe I do. Outside of internet friendships and I lost some of those and a couple local friends, I have no people I can be open with. I told a few who I did not agree with me but who didn't cut me off but some did. One has to ask all the time, who is safe to share your real opinions with? That's a change in our social discourse isn't it. Join a team of right or left even though they both suck. The irony of all this is I am positive my family followed the mainstream scripts, they did on everything. No contact is a relief, because I cannot imagine the pressures of being treated as the "dirty" "unclean" unvaxxed from that lot too.
Some "liberals" have treated me the same as the Christian fundamentalists for going against "dogma". Remember how I talked about losing Christian friends after my deconversion? Well now I am losing "liberal" ones. I made a lot of my own mistakes, letting politics and religion complicate too many things but with some I would even keep my mouth shut about the complicated stuff, and they'd figure it out and still be upset.
Some friends I remained at peace with, where we disagreed on these matters. However staying quiet for peace is hard especially when you notice how sick people are getting with complicated illnesses. These were formerly healthy people too. Many don't connect the dots, a few did and have regrets. You want to scream on behalf of having your friends stay alive, "Don't take any more boosters!" but know inside you will just aggravate them and put more friendships at risk. There's a few too where warnings went unheeded and they got sick. I'm not a "I told you so" type, but standing by watching all this is painful. Watching people destroy formerly good health is nightmare fuel to a chronically ill person who has spent 30 years outrunning the Grim Reaper. This reminds me of times watching the narcissists harm others while accepting everything they did, even to their own detriment. Narcissists love to paint self-destruction buttons on people's backs.
I've had people distance themselves from me for the most minor of questions of Covid dogma and preaching from on high. What is scary is I believe the virus is real, I wore a KN95 in the presence of every other human person besides my husband for two years, but because I am not in full agreement with the failing vaxxes and their risks, I am to be censored, ignored, and to have the door shut in my face. Just like the uber dogmatic Christians who considered my presence a threat, the same goes for some so called "liberals", whose immediate response to my ideas has been censorship, distancing, unfriending, banning and silencing. This too is a repeat of the malignant narcissist's invalidation and silencing.
One problem I am facing in life is realizing I am one of those people who is told my viewpoints should be silenced and this again is no different from my life in the family where I was told all my views were "wrong". I want to throw up when people lob 1984 terms at me like "misinformation". Do they realize they are just telling me that I have committed "thought crime"? When a society burns up the last remnants of free speech, that society is on the way down the chute. Do you think someone whose had a life like me, who has lost so much, is interested in towing the line and accepting the lies? I walked away from my entire family because I was sick of lies. Why should I accept lies now?
Watching a slew of people who don't know my vaxx status on Facebook going on about how the unvaxxed should be rounded up, fined, fired from jobs and punished and even put in camps, has been frightening. Add to this, the more recent announcements of many folks catching Covid, hospitalizations and watching the failure of the vaxxes front and center while being told they "work". This reminds me of the crazy-making for years among the narcissists. Everything was to be denied for the status quo and world view of the narcissistic controllers.
I have so few I can talk to and be "me" around that it's not funny, and it's made me very depressed. I am even on the fence about various organizations which have proven themselves to be Covid dogma city. I think I am the only one in some of the places who questions any of this except maybe one guy who left and I'm not sure of all of his opinions. It's scary to think, "What if these people found out how I really feel? Would I be thrown out?" Watching people still believe in these vaxxes and the rest of the garbage the powers that be are shoveling as we are still locked down and masked up 2 years in, makes me feel like I'm losing my sanity. What's wrong with these people? One thing I have noticed with the Covid religion, is even asking questions gets you censure. None of them want anyone around who thinks too much, or who says "Something is wrong," This was the same with my scapegoaters--"Don't ask questions", "Keep your Mouth Shut", and being constantly told, "You are crazy!". It occurs to me I can share endless links of real scientific studies and more and be told that over and over. So many dissenting scientists and doctors have been marginalized in this whole fiasco who have been told they are crazy too.
My husband has warned me not to get envious, but what am I to think of people too who took endless vacations and have not economically or psychologically suffered from Covid at all but who still believe someone like me should be banned from restaurants, travel and groups? I'm scared of catching it, remember I believe 'something is out there' even if they are using false positives from PCR tests. What am I to think of these people who seem to lack natural fear? The personality of Americans alarms me.
I find myself thinking the "managerial class" as Kunstler calls them, and I call them "technocrats" really do see themselves as "above it all" and beyond the normal outcomes of suffering and death. If one's life has gone according to script, and one can escape on constant lovely vacations and have no repercussions to their social lives seeing large extended families and close friends with no restraint, will their experience of Covid be anywhere near that of many of the suffering? They can get caught up in the drama and virtue signaling of it all, thinking they are doing good, while advancing totalitarianism and harm. This is definitely a place where the divide between the haves and have nots in this society is utterly vast, they don't even understand the reality of others. Kunstler is right about the "status" seeking of the more educated whose nice corporate and other jobs expected and rewarded conformity. To be frank, we are now all in danger from their "out of touch" view of life. I find myself wondering how many homeless there are now, and it hasn't escaped my attention, the suffering and poverty became more hidden. Among the mainstream left, their suffering has become non-existent and totally denied.
A recent long time commenter's decision to "dump" this blog and walk, because of the things I write about Covid does not surprise me. Instead of questioning why things are growing worse, they blame those who have warned the emperor has no clothes from the start. The madness grows worse. The level of denial extreme. One thing I am noticing is now they are blaming Covid [the disease itself] for just about everything from vision problems, and myocarditis. Being on the autistic spectrum, I have somewhat of a memory and notice details, and one detail is that THIS IS NEW. The gaslighting and manipulation jobs are endless. I'm observing some vaxxed friends getting sick as dogs, with everything from third stage kidney failure to severe eye problems to headaches, to fatigue, and no one can put the puzzle pieces together? The rule "to not talk about it" is one I will break. The silent betray the sick.
Many who I have tried to talk to things about, distanced themselves, and walked out the door. None ever tried to present arguments. They know their "side" is full of lies. Look at our world NOW, the vaxxes have failed. You took it thinking you could say Goodbye to masks, lockdowns and be back in the real world. They lied to you and you can't even admit it. How come none of you demanded higher quality? That too is the same as life among the narcissists, the entire bottom can fall out, but the narcissists expect obedience even as things fall apart. Our entire society is at risk now, because we have corrupt abusers, sociopaths and narcissists running the show, and there's no grown ups in the room to say, "Hey this is not working!" These same sociopaths put us in this position to begin with. Science gave us nuclear bombs and now may give us extinction level viruses due to hubris and evil. All those gain of function monsters should have been imprisoned at the start of this but instead they are running the show. Believe "The Science TM", give me a fucking break. They caused this to begin with whether it was accidentally or knowingly released. Those who read and study, know the Coronavirus that can infect humans was made to be this way in a lab.
Human pride is a funny thing I guess. Many knew my narcissistic abusers were liars and even said so but they'd double down on the family script, this is nothing new to me. The human worship of power is probably going to lead to our extinction. Just the fact that there are not hordes of people pissed off at the "gain of function" monsters who unleashed this nightmare on us, tells me something is wrong.
As a "truthteller" in my family, I was hated almost the minute I came out of the egg donor's womb. People don't like personalities where we want to know what is going on. They want us to shut up and go away--same as the family. Get in line and shut up and don't ask too many questions. That's how things were for me growing up. All the smart people who weren't suck up losers and wanted to fix things, were sidelined during this one, the profiteers, liars and others who want a "new society" no matter who dies or suffers are the ones who have run this show.
The other day I said to my husband, "I will never feel the same about the people who accepted all this, and supported mandates, tyranny and ownership and control of our bodies by the system." There's days I wake up and want to kick every Covid disciple out of my life because I am beyond fed up. I don't want to be part of the powers that be dividing everyone, but there's times I think that. As enablers to abusers betrayed me, enablers to this are betrayers too. Some vaxxed people who do honor liberty and human freedom, are allies, but some are not and they enable gross inequity and the destruction of the last vestiges of freedom.
I try to ignore it all but it's there. Never a minute to relax. My entire social life and freedom of movement destroyed because some billionaires wanted to make more money. I'm pissed off. Even watching all these people accept all this without one little nugget of anger or remorse or any feelings about it all, troubles the hell out of me. Some of us could not afford to lose two years of life. I have cried over those who died never to see the end to all this. Where are people's emotions? Why aren't people outraged? That's too like the narcissistic cult, no one speaks against the top dogs. No one dares to share emotions. It's like living in a cult, smile your way through while the world burns. Hmm maybe all that "think positive" crap had a reason to be promoted by the powers that be. They can do the worse, and people will deny it all, and punish those who talk about reality.
Some of the people who support all this really do want people like me locked up, or denied medical care. I watch a Facebook feed for the last year and half blaming the unvaxxed for everything, and I only told a few my status. And these are some "liberals" who claim to have love and compassion for others. No one cares about medical exemptions when they are banning you from their endless parties. None of them seem to be afraid which kind of freaks me the hell out as they take their endless vacations and trips and see others who don't seem to be afraid either. That's one thing in America never admit fear. So I got the right wing telling me I'm a sucker for wearing a mask even being high risk, but the left telling I am an evil "unclean" unvaxxed even as they openly spread the virus between each other, get sick enough for the hospital and seem unable to wake up to the fact the vaxx has failed.
I know what it is to be lied to, to be manipulated, to be given a "false reality" that is not matching reality staring you in the face. My motive to just fucking stay alive, means no clot shot poison. I don't want to be blind, or lose the rest of the hearing or have my autoimmune diseases worsened including the one that can give me lupus or the one that can make my muscles too weak to use, that is just attacking the skin right now. But that's not understood by any of these people either. I took the gambit, of "Well they can live their lives, make their own medical choices, and I will make mine". That's fair isn't it? But they are the ones who support mandates, punishments and constant threats to comply or be harmed. I am afraid of Covid but more and more I fear them. Some are even demanding mandates be brought back so more people can be fired from jobs and have their lives be ruined. No jobs means homelessness for most people. The hidden homelessness which is out of control.
So one guy walked away from here? Well it was just an internet loose association. I'm used to it. I've had friends walk away. I'm hiding who I am to be safe with many people. Is that how you are having to live? One reason people sell out and don't ask questions, is because it's easier. Let others do your thinking for you and people will do this even to the detriment of their own lives. Try living my life. I believe in the end one of us is going to be proven right or wrong. That's the way it's going to go isn't it? I don't think the shots will be harmless in the long run, they've already hurt people including several friends. I don't know how much danger we are from the virus, if Omicron means it's almost over, fine, but if there are new variants that are worse, it may be time to sing the sirensong for humanity. I once read years ago in a science fiction book, that humanity would be destroyed via a "cold". That still gives me shudders. The evil and incompetent combined have destroyed our lives.
I won't forgive those who took two years of my life away, shortened my deceased friend's lifespan or did this to the world. They are unforgiveable and even though I don't believe in hell anymore, there's some on earth that probably deserve the place.