They Destroyed the World!

                                     ......"and still his brainwashed idiots cheer for him"........


I've had some gallows humor lately....

I say to husband...

"Well they destroyed the world now"

Husband and I kind of laugh in a burst of dark humor....we have gone through so much shit, that nothing surprises us I guess anymore. Is jaded the word? Bitter?

I am sure some Christians would call me that, but they can tell their God for me if it exists, he held responsibility too for the way he made this world and the qualities he put in human beings. Mrs. Curses and my IFB churches with their cruel and monster god always promised apocalyptical horrors to befall mankind. I wonder if all those old fundies are now glorying in the mess. The Tribulation has begun! Stockholm Syndrome for all of humanity. There's no way a Jesus who believed in love for neighbor or any other spiritual figure who preached compassion is on these folk's side.

There's a point where the body and mind protects itself in trauma. If you can't flee, then you shut down. You learn to separate yourself from it all. It's combination of "I don't give a fuckitis" combined with just deciding to go forward day by day. Keep your care and concern but don't let small things bother you. The problem with this particular trauma so to speak is how long it's going. Anyhow we have food, no one's rioting [yet] and there's entertainment so enjoy good things while you have them. Chris Hedges is right, the outcome of this probably isn't going to be good.

Maybe my earlier poverty and hell hound life experiences will serve me in the new Mad Max America. I know what it's like to eat nothing but cheese crackers for 5 days and built a magazine fire outside of a motel, I am freezing to death in. I know what it is to dig food out of the trash. I know what it is like to have to feed 2 people for 2 dollars for 2 days. I know how to hide from would be rapists and robbers in a dangerous neighborhood. I know what it is like to have no medicine and be dying of stuff where you need it. Penny pinching, scourging and fighting to survive were developed skills long ago. I know what it is like to have the bottom fall out, where you have nobody and nothing and to almost die in a hospital bed alone [these were pre-Mr. Peep days]. Maybe they will be of use now.

If it were up to me, and I didn't have to take all these damn meds to stay alive, I would be buying a passport with the stimulus check, selling everything off, and outfitting the van, to drive for Uruguay or something once the borders ever opened. Of course now they may not ever be reopened.As for leaving for other countries, I did decide survival would be easier in a culture one was used too with some neighbors and UU church members willing to help. I am too deaf to learn a new language and it's hard enough to communicate in English as it is.

How hard is it to become an illegal alien in Canada? Just joking.

However I am going to accept it as a given, that the assholes have fucked up things beyond repair--- FUBAR in miltary lingo and will try and make the best of things. Knowing I may die soon if I catch it and if an old left over prednisone pack and emergency albuterol in a nebulizer doesn't save me, I am screwed anyway. My worse fear is my husband getting it even more then me. That haunts me all the time.

I am now telling him, if we ever get "normal" back for a short time, we need to revamp the lifestyle, and become permaculturists, and really take joining an intentional community seriously.  I knew years ago the American lifestyle was not sustainable. When we lived in the rural town years ago, I wanted to be one of the prepping people with gardens, but the money was never there. Life was always so much about survival and just staying alive was so hard.

I met this one permaculturist guy at my UU but he only shows up on rare occasions, I wish he would come back, I need to find some of those local networks. I also need to find a community garden or a place to plant some food. I live in apartment without any land. You know life is weird when you try to go see if there is a place you can stick a secret garden behind some woods next to your apartment complex. Well there wasn't enough room. Should I ask a friend to grow food in her yard? Should I go get a trowel and dig up the landscaped grass. I doubt the corporation that owns this place would be happy about it.

As an Aspie that wants to scream, and shout, "Look you fucked it all up!", watching the neurotypical reaction to disasters is interesting. Most are working very hard in appearing rational and hopeful and the kind ones do have an interest in helping others. I can pick up the hidden tears and despair most are invested in hiding. My emotions outside of my husband, friends online and here seem to have no where to go. The kind people are the ones to emulate, help who you can. I need to write some lonely people letters and cards. I have visions of people cracking up alone inside of apartments.

I've had my moments of despair thinking I am now one of those "burdens" not much use to anyone outside maybe giving a friend an extra package of toilet paper I found. The disabled and those of us who live on the edge in normal society are experiencing a level of fear many probably would not understand. With a pandemic, that monster in charge can do even more extreme and insane things, people can't gather in crowds to do a very needed march on Washington. In countries less satiated by bread and circuses which could be disappearing anyway, heads probably would have already been on pikes. Maybe one day there will be a Nuremburg trial for all these traitorous Republicans but most are so old, so probably not.

Human beings need community to survive. If you are young and reading this, the American lifestyle sucks, it will destroy your health and well, it's not viable for the long term. Find allies, Find a tribe. For the younger and healthier this will be easier. If you are an Aspie find other Aspies you are compatible with and then move closer together. See if you can find an alternative. Even if you are of the rare or privileged ones who scrambles up to the middle class and above, realize that can be taken away in a nanosecond with the disasters planned or otherwise they have in store for you. Use this opportunity to consider how life can be different. Some people have written about how this event could provide an impetus for some to throw off the worse chains of the oligarchy.

The cost to many of us with useless narcissistic families is immense. In the past kinfolk used to support one another, now they just try to destroy you. My family called me crazy before I went no contact for talking about the bad stuff that could happen.  I hope those reading this, have someone to help support them. Some of my friends and others have already helped us. You find out who your real friends are then. Hope these people know how much I appreciate them.

It does not escape my attention that my family's Nazi-esque beliefs and political endeavors has brought hell to all our doors. People need to break out their history books, and remember IT REPEATS ITSELF and humans went on a destruction streak many time before with sociopaths leading the charge.

Even if they "beat" this virus, and it looks like to me,they are trying to do everything to spread it far and wide with reopening everything early, there will be another one coming down the pike. That one could be far worse. Stephen King always wrote weird books about society imploding, I'm reading one now called CELL, where cell phones destroy all these people's brains and society collapses. Maybe he knew intuitively what was coming. All those zombie movies were true representations of Americans dying inside losing their souls, and rampaging for survival would be next on the agenda. This tragedy will produce some heroes and those who step up for their fellow man, but it should have never been allowed to happen in the first place.

When they are talking collapse of medical and food supply chains openly, it makes you wonder. What is to come? The insanity of food being destroyed too while people go without, shows the failure of this country and it's capitalist systems.  I have to spend today making decisions on getting some things I need from clothes which may not be available long to more canned chicken. I haven't gone into a store since early March, but may need to take the risk, to make some of the decisions about what is needed.

Everyone's too afraid to talk about anything. The positive culture has led to a culture of denial. It got us in this fix to begin with. People closed their eyes to the growing cracks in our society, "oh everything's alright" and judged people who said "Something is wrong here, one day it's all going to burst!" I think of all those mercurial women who told me I was "negative". No,  I was right. To survive this you better keep it authentic. Cuss and fume, but then also make the dark jokes if they make you feel better.


Maybe human beings all have a level of premonition, and they knew things were going to go to shit, and that's why we transitioned from the hope of the 1960s to the misery and would be dystopian nightmares of the 2020s. I was watching an episode of "Lost in Space" with my husband and said, "Look at that show, they expected things to ADVANCE back then!" There will be no exploring the stars when humanity always hoists itself on it's own petard.


And speaking of the "re-open" protesters. One thing I don't get, why didn't these people vote for Bernie, and why are the dummies carrying Trump 2020 signs when TRUMP DID THIS TO THEM?[Trump ignoring intelligence warnings and more]

I have been able to pay my rent because I am disabled, but I wonder what will happen to Social Security too. Husband's work has been massively cut but since he is at home gig employment, THERE'S SOME. He does not qualify for unemployment because he still makes 160 dollars a week. Yes that's the cut off for gig employees to get unemployment or not. How many people do you know that can pay all their bills on 160 a week? We are okay now, better then many. I won't take it for granted.

It has not escaped my notice that all companies are demanding payment from car insurance to rent. We had to know greedy insane America would not freeze bills like other countries. They want to destroy people. There's people who have lost all income and I am very scared for them. What will happen to them?

That said though, 1200 bucks for the average person, that's RENT alone in many cities, especially if you do not live in a small town. They may have succeeded in holding off riots for one month, but what about NEXT month?

I've been poor enough in my past to see where this is going to go.....do you think people who have no food to eat are going to ignore grocery stores right down the street. You think they are going to passively sit around when the cable and internet get cut off? What about power outages?

Living in America has never felt safe. Oh sure, they told us, this was a great country but I knew it was a rotting hulk they cleaned out for their useless wars by 2001. Remember that black pastor who used to warn that the chickens were coming home to roost? He was right too! Idiocracy became a reality 20 years ago, and things just got worse. There's people who have been warning for years. The ones who try to stand against the darkness. The world needs people like that more then ever.

I wonder if starvation, eviction, and worse, will get some to back away from the Trump Kool-Aid.

Covid 19 articles

The Deconversion Community: Why People are Leaving Christianity

Conversion and Deconversion


For three years, I have been involved elsewhere online, helping people who have deconverted. This includes people who got sucked into the evangelical or fundamentalist fold like I did as an adult and those who were raised in evangelical and fundamentalist households. Talking to them, I realized the overlaps with my uber Catholic background with their fundamentalist upbringings. There were parallels, I was indoctrinated by a lay teacher into last days who was obsessed with Fatima, they were told the Rapture was nigh.

This being my second deconversion with the first from Catholicism and the second from fundamentalist Christianity, I had practice at it, and decided to at least help others who had gone through what I have. The deconversion community has been a source of support for me.  Only those who had been there, could really related to how into conspiracy and bible prophecy I had been or how I had moved away from extreme fundamentalist rural town, that impacted my mind so strongly. Fundamentalist and evangelical Christianity really has it's own culture understood by those within. Normal secular folks or those in more sane churches aren't going to understand the ins and outs of the evangelical and fundamentalist cultures.

The numbers are growing of people getting out and leaving. Life has changed so radically, that Christianity is not holding up to reality.  Just like Zeus and his pantheon of gods ceased to have meaning to Greeks, the same is happening with Christianity. Jesus, Yahweh, angels, the Holy Ghost, are fading just like Aphrodite, Zeus, Mercury and Hera. Younger people are realizing it's not holding up.

Many modern people are asking questions like, "Why do we have to worship something?" "And why does something in the first place want narcissistic supply with legions of bowing and supplicating humans before it? Can you truly worship something, and have it love you?" I noticed most of the deconverted realized God [in the conservative Christian sense] had some major short comings like me. Yahweh's character was poor, capricious, outwardly murderous in the Old Testament, and in the end had nothing but cruelty to dispense along with his fireballs upon earth promised in the book of Revelation.

Christianity's promises of fellowship, companionship, answers for life's problems and misfortunes were really found wanting.  The religion offered me no solace, only judgment and blame for my life problems and the message that I lacked the blessings of God because I lacked faith. I noticed without hesitation this one applied to many others who ended up leaving like me. None of us expected God to show up with suitcases of money but a few kind words, or help or guidance, was what we failed to find. If God had merely shown up in some way, I believe many would still be in the religion.

Sure the Bible warns of trials and tribulations but then one takes note, Yahweh threatens people too with as much bad stuff, as the world does, with sending your loved friends to hell, or planning a big planetary blow-out in the end. Yahweh rarely was a source of comfort to me, it only gave me silent treatment.  It occurred to me like so many others that everything was drummed up out of my imagination, with vague feelings of discernment, leading, and the rest. It was a one way relationship.

Christians are loaded with too much guilt for wondering why God doesn't show up, or asking hard questions why prayers are never answered. Some people face the facts that regular prayer is more often then not a waste of time and whistling into a silent wind. It is a would be spirit who never literally answers back except in imagination or troubled dreams that brings no real solutions. Many deconverted people spent years trying to reach out to "god", working the religion hard like me hoping for something, but we faced the facts, it simply wasn't real, and didn't work the way we had been promised.

Sadly most conservative Christian communities when these doubts were expressed, always blamed the person in part. There came a point for me when I knew "nothing was good enough for Yahweh, just like nothing was ever good enough for my parents". I felt no love, comfort, involvement in my life, or real leading. Christian communities were one of judgement and never measuring up too. I noticed these feelings were rife among other deconverted people too. Some had faced major hardships, and expressed their feelings about the uselessness of prayer. Many felt judged and punished by religious communities that expected them to shut down their minds, hearts and feelings. God was always perfect while whatever problems you faced were supposedly your own fault.

The people who seemed to do the best in fundamentalist and evangelical Christianity, were ones who had lives that followed the script. I've written about this before on other articles. They always had good jobs. They had loving families and were able to have children and grandchildren. It does not escape my notice now that most of the conservative Christians I see on my Facebook, the ones who are left, all have endless pictures in large suburban or country homes of themselves and extensive generations, pictures full of 20 people easily. Their families are huge, and no one is down and out. One thing discussed in the deconversion community, was how if life was different from this script, one simply didn't fit in. Given the economic realities of most younger people of Gen X on down, Christianity especially in America failed to address how our lives really were.

Many who ended up deconverted, did not have the 1950s version of the nuclear family and did not experience  this scripted life. They were gay and rejected over it, or trans, or childless like me and simply didn't fit in. Many tired of abuse simply for being who they were, while others shared the horrors of homosexual bigotry or having their lives limited via homeschooling and lack of real educations. Economically,  many ended up leaving as church programs about being a good wife and the promotion of homeschooling didn't fit in with the world of part time jobs and struggling to make it in a studio apartment. Christianity in other words expected conformity to a life, that really didn't exist for many people. The churches all lived in the past. They demanded the impossible.

Our troubles, reality and more were ignored. Even now we see the majority of Christians who ignore economic and other realities. Few realize it but the conservative Christian world has become one of privilege, this is why they hate social justice so much. For those of us in need of some social justice or income equality, this was unacceptable.

The bibles warnings about "trials" seems like extreme understatement. There's little in that book that really deals with reality for some of us especially in this society. Sure everyone faced "trials" throughout history, but modern society has brought complicated onslaughts of them. Life definitely was more simple for the average person. Christianity in other words is failing to provide any answers to an increasingly complex world full of new challenges.This was a common feeling among other deconverts.

Conservative churches all claimed to have all the answers to all of life's problems, they would do seminars on money, marriage, health, work life, children, and more.  All the answers were always written to a lifestyle that doesn't even exist for many people. They were written to middle class or above white [mostly suburban but sometimes rural] people. The idea that there is a handy answer or a set of instructions to every life problem to be found in the bible became absurd. That turned out not to be true either. Many deconverts tried for years to follow the formulas which failed.

Some people become liberal Christians, and inject a loving God into the mix. I can handle the mystical Christians who don't believe everyone goes to hell, if someone has a nicer God, that's better then the God of Copeland and Trump who seems more akin to the classic portrayal of Satan. If someone believes in a Jesus Christ who is the opposite of Republican Jesus, my view of them is going to be more positive. In the deconversion community I am part of, we allow liberal Christians, we know the journey of deconversion can take people to different places. Some become full atheists, others find a different and more liberal Christianity that rejects the right wing nonsense. Others become in the middle somewhere like me, agnostics, who believe a god of a different sort is possible, or join the Unitarian Universalist Association or explore other religions. Most deconversion boards do wisely allow criticism of Christianity so a liberal Christian in those places must understand, that our view and experience of Christianity may be vastly different from their own.

One thing to note is that Christianity in it's conservative forms was a misery producing juggernaut, that added trauma, repression, and unhappiness to many lives. Many of my fellow deconverts shared the same experiences of trauma and PTSD from religious abuse, and oppressive. edicts. Abuse from parents, and religious figures was rife in conservative religious circles. There were multiple others who fit into the ACON criteria and dealt with narcissistic and other toxic parents and relatives who abused via the lens of religion.

Many lived lives like me under extreme guilt and being told they were never enough or that they suffered because God deemed it necessary. Repression was a big one too, where we were silenced or taught that conformity was the most important. Women realized the inner sexism and denial of their humanity in these conservative religious circles. This applied to me in Catholicism where the ability to have babies came first. We were lonely and told we had to believe or else. Some suffered like I did, rejection from their families in leaving a church or no longer believing. In my case, the uber conservative Catholicism was different from the fundamentalist and evangelical world but there were overlaps. Many of us did not have wise counsel to be told to keep our true religious feelings secret until we were financially independent adults.

Toxic Christian culture and politics brought a lot of us out. The religious political right is cruel. It was willing slaves to capitalism and taught authoritarianism to horrible political leaders like Trump. We watched our churches defend war, and policies that made us poorer. They were almost without limit all Republican. Many like me grew fed up with the poison pouring from the pulpits.

After all if you watch all your church members bow before the Orange Sociopath, what good is a religion? It is rot then. The love for the Republican party along with racism, hatred for the poor were reasons many people left. We questioned ourselves and did not want to stand for evil. . One thing I have noticed since I have left, is that Christians  [and I am talking about the conservative ones] seem to have gone mad. Their hatred, and arrogance, now has them demanding all the poor go back to their service jobs even in the middle of a global pandemic. They don't care if people die. Many even have said directly, that "death is a part of life".

There is a darkness in Christianity now, and we can see it in the faces of screaming people who carry assault rifles to their state legislatures, and who carry signs like "I want a haircut". They don't care if the elderly or people like me die, with COVID being allowed to rampage through the population. I noticed every evangelical Christian left on my Facebook wanted the lock-downs ended. I worry about civil liberties too, but did not understand people who did not care about others staying alive. The darkness is lack of empathy and it controls a lot of Christians. I suppose this goes with the economic privilege and scripted lives, they figure they won't catch Covid19 because they are "blessed by God". That's supposedly for the heathens and non-believers.

Christianity has changed in the USA. Even in my own lifetime, I remember the Christians of yesterday being a bit different. Sure there was always Elmer Gantry and extremists in the old days too, but as I got older, the number of televangelists, ministries and para-church organizations grew.  There were more liberal Christians when I was young.  Science was advanced in mainline churches as being important and compatible with religion.  Jesus preached messages of love and helping the poor. There is almost a madness in Christianity today. At my UU we still discuss the positive teachings of Jesus and the decent messages.

Watching this farce, I'm glad I parted ways from such deluded people. When I was a Christian, I was against Dominionism, and wrote about this on line in Christian circles. I was rare, and realized as discussed in other deconversion articles, that I was in an authoritarian religion that was all about power and dominance.  Well, the dominionists have power now. Our country is being hurt by extremist religion. We face a time in history where America is suffering directly from religious extremism. It helped advance this plague along. I believe right now a defacto Dominionist theocracy via Trump is in power now, and the anti-science and intellectualism of religion has taken over. If not for the few government scientists and Democrats listening to them, this country would be more in danger.

 IFB people used to write things all the time, that when bad things happened to people maybe God deemed it necessary. The religion itself, I believe destroys empathy, blessings are to come from God and if something bad happens to you, it's your fault. So we have the religious right now with it's death cult beliefs, now wanting to literally unleash death upon us all via plague. Maybe a religion that has human sacrifice at it's foundations, doesn't mind sacrificing humans to capitalism in modern times.

Somehow this does not surprise me. I left Christianity seeing the lust for all the wars I protested against, now we see lust for death. Many deconverts like me saw the writing on the wall and got out! Our own lives were under assault by a harmful religion and philosophy but many others were too. We left the religion because it was evil, and it's followers assigned to evil. I do not want to color every Christian with this, there are those who are liberal and those who reject the right wing, although in America, liberal Christians are far fewer in number. Sadly many of the mainline  and other churches have fallen to the Republican brainwashing. Every Catholic except a few liberal ones I know were going with the Republican party line.

"God's party" in other words and it's Orange Sociopath are now being allowed to unleash eugenics and genocide against the American population. One thing too I want to mention here too, is noticing most of the conspiracy websites [probably owned and astroturfed but full of many right wing Christians too] all are trying to say the virus is fake or is "not that serious". It's weird when those who believe in the "new world order" all think supposedly evil people are going to have "less people die". That makes no sense.

Liberal, sane and educated people want us to "flatten the curve" and have more people survive the epidemic. This week we watched the uneducated Fox news, conservative and Christian-evangelical element go to protests for things to be "re-opened". Someone online wrote that in big cities, everyone knows someone who died or got it, and it's been less common in areas with less population. I am not sure this explains everything, while some certainly are afraid of not having money to survive, with their lost jobs , many seem just to lack any empathy.

They are such brainwashed slaves to capitalism, fear of death gets lower priority.  I had weird thoughts about Trump voters and especially evangelical Christians, some seem immune to the worse life can do in their privilege. I can't help but think, that these are clueless, spoiled people who have never witnessed someone dying in front of them, violence or real economic struggles beyond a missed haircut. Most of the jerks with their giant automatic weapons strapped to their belts pointed to their feet, looked like they had plenty of money, they just wanted poorer people then them, to get back to work, and serve them no matter the cost, even of their own lives.

I sometimes wonder if America is going to collapse. I have my worries about civil liberties too, but when a society is so fractured, that some are protesting against protecting people from dying there's something wrong. It's like there's no cooperation here. There's no love, care or compassion for neighbors either.

The rest of the world watches more and more in horror. America has become a farce to the rest of the world. Here's a new joke, I saw being told in non-American circles online.... "What's stupid inbetween?"------ Canada and Mexico". I hate to say it but extreme religion and rejection of reality has made America dumb as a box of rocks.

Watching the protests on the news, I felt some growing anger. Where were these "Constitutional Scholars" when rights in America started being ravaged especially around 9-11? They were silent as trillions were spent on useless wars in the middle east, silent when American rights were cut down like right to trial by jury with the passage of the NDAA and Patriot Act. So when I see them now talking about freedom and rights? I shake my head. They pretend to be morally superior, but they were silent when it counted. Their selfishness shines on through.

I believe Covid19 is real and like 9-11 they will make use of it, to limit more freedoms, go on a money-clean out--we are seeing that now, the 1200 dollars to the average American is eclipsed by the trillions going to big business and millionaires and billionaires and worse. The conspiracy websites claiming it's not real and that no one is really dying, are absurd. It is scarier then hell to see where America has gone. The cruelty, the coldness, the absurdity and religion has helped fuel it all. I believe Trump is a traitor, that allowed a virus to fester to bring America down. He wasn't stupid and lazy, he let it come here on purpose.

Watching the majority of Christians support this sickening man, told me I got out just in time. I never was a Republican but for many of us deconverting was about conscience. We no longer wanted to be part of an evil religion or one that supported evil. We were tired of an abusive, cold, hard, silent God and tired of being associated with people who no longer were of light but who chose darkness and advanced oppression.

Spiritual abuse was common to many of my fellow deconverts. Some were abused by families but many experienced it from the pastors and other religious officials as well. Guilt, control, compliance, the focus on being fixed, many went through many of the same experiences I went through especially with the deliverance minister of years ago and an abusive family that shoved a religion I did not believe in down my throat. I know many were like me, they simply no longer wanted to live in guilt and shame anymore, where nothing was ever good enough, and they realized they were told to believe things that weren't coming true in real life.

I was glad to find the deconversion community and while some Christians will see us as "fallen away" heathens, my fellow deconverts were people of conscience who wanted goodness and no longer wanted to follow lies and deceptions or be part of a religion and system that brought so much misery to themselves and others. One thing we hold in common is seeking truth. Truth is not in the extremist Christianity of today. Religion has a dark side, and it's ruining America.

Update on this one: The conservatives were right to warn about the encroachment on freedom from Covid. Read more recent articles. My mind changed there. I could see the early social engineering but I noticed with horror how Covid was being used. The liberals are not sane and education seems to be more programming, most liberals have gone fascist and forgotten what freedom is in America.

"It's All Contaminated"

I was cracking a joke while ranting and raving the other day with my husband as America turns into a petri dish. I said "Yeah, it's all contaminated". My husband got the Breaking Bad reference and laughed. America certainly is in 2020, due to the endless corruption.

My medical care is getting wiped away. I still have medicine and two doctors calling me by video and phone, but a kidney scan was cancelled and other doctor appointments. I am too afraid to go to the out patient clinic to get my rheumatology blood tests. If they are too afraid to give me a kidney scan in one place, how am I supposed to waltz in for a blood test? By the way they are laying off medical personnel all over, because people like me, aren't able to get normal medical care.

  I am spending the months I am usually outside, indoors with a few visits to parks outside to walk around. Walking is kind of limited for me, but have to do what I can. My husband still has to go to grocery stores and the pharmacy, so that adds to the fear.

We ran out of disposable latex gloves--and we have no masks. Normal people see this as a brief interruption, thinking life will return to normal. Isn't this a clue yet, that we live in a society that is crumbling apart? However being a natural pessimist, the powers that be in this world never let a good crisis go to waste. I don't know if this will mean Bill Gates will chip us as conspiracy people claim or if they have now mandated a new anti-social way of life for us all, and we will crawl out of our homes to a new society that is shut down and locked down and far under control. It is creepy that Gates held a pandemic conference right before this broke called Event 201.

Do these type of idiots ever do anything except hold meetings? What do they accomplish? Probably not much except for Dr. Evil stuff. No one thought of the needed latex gloves and PPE then?

Could there be no more eating out, or congregating anywhere? All the small businesses could be blown out of the water. We would have to order everything on Amazon like it or not. Protests will become a thing of the past. Maybe even paper money will be taken away since they could claim germs are too dangerous on it. Even if this blows over and some normalcy returns, the fear now will always be there, and the possibilities of the virus coming back in the back of everyone's mind.

I believe Trump should be put in prison already for ignoring the warnings of intelligence. Every Republican senator is responsible for refusing to impeach Trump. Trump is the worse president ever. All the deluded and brainwashed people unleashed this hell upon us all.

I am wondering about outfitting my husband in trash bags just to go to the store. We have been using bandanas when out and about but scientifically don't think their effectiveness is that great. In my opinion, these shortages were planned. No one at "Planning for Pandemics" headquarters planned ahead for a few mask stockpiles? Trump probably fired them anyway. By the way, why hasn't that creep run away to his bunker yet? Boris Johnson supposedly got it and is in ICU, why not him? He's seems to be enough of a narcissist to for him to put his own hide first. He could run away. Biden is already useless, let Bernie provide some defacto leadership which he has already done.

We are all supposed to appear like we have it together. I'm noticing the "self improvement" crap being pushed, where we are all supposed to have perfectly clean houses, and endless art work done at the end of this. The Cartoon bear meme is more realistic. I have thoughts of just sleeping for days, but the medical demands make me leave my bed to stay alive. My serious addiction to old movies to escape reality has grown worse. They better keep the cable and internet up or riots will erupt too. Some people talk about "homeschooling" and that's been a Republican dream for years to close all the schools.

 I drew this goth woman in medieval gear, and plan to call it Lady Corona in my art journal. School was cancelled for the rest of the year for kids in my state. I find myself avoiding the "positivity" thinkers as the would be Grim Reaper stalks us all. Can someone tell them to piss off already? I  feel like slapping them. Their garbage got us in this fix in the first place, unprepared.  If the virus is a bioweapon, or used for negative agendas like 9-11 was, their Pollyanna crap is even more nauseating. In the plagues of the middle ages, I doubt anyone was told, "The is the perfect time to focus on self improvement."

All the holes in our weak jerry-built economy have been displayed. People in America can't survive missing one paycheck.  Everything is held together by the thinnest veneer. We will see soon probably what depending on an overseas nation for most of our products is now going to do to us.  Bernie probably would have more chance of getting voted in now then Biden if the votes weren't rigged. It's pathetic that a man with no answers but sticking to the status quo is still being pushed. I have kind of lost belief in the political process. Change from within-in has grown more impossible unless the virus wipes out a lot of bad politicians. Call me a conspiracy theorist, or not, but my belief that votes are rigged, has only grown, Word Salad Joe, was never a chosen candidate of anyone I knew. My votes now are a symbolic gesture to the ways things should be, but this country has become a totalitarian oligarchy.

10 million people are laid off, the unemployment websites are crashing in many states. The unemployment rate may hit 30 percent, that's far higher then the Great Depression. Gig employees were told they may be able to apply in my state, but the system hasn't been updated as yesterday.  At least being on Social Security, I can keep the rent paid. Some friends and others have stepped up, in showing goodness, helping with groceries and one friend sent me a big box of canned chicken. These acts of kindness are something to hold on to during these horrible times.

I fear weight gain being stuck inside. This would be easier if it was during months I am housebound anyway, but seeing sunny skies and nice cool temperature weather that is going wasted is rough. I'm going outside to a few parks. I don't know how extroverts are taking this, maybe they are cheating on the social distancing rules a bit with local friends to visit. Even my introverted often housebound self finds the isolation to be growing oppressive. In my case, I have my husband by me, and I never get bored and there's always stuff to do, so maybe that is an asset for me.  I do worry about people with mental health problems dealing with this. As I wrote in my other article, my PTSD/CPTSD and anxiety disorders haven't responded too well. Maybe this is to be expected. This meme probably details all the stuff happening to people now.

It makes sense. One thing I am dealing with is lots of anger, for the stupid, spoiled, deluded geriactric fools at the top who made this all transgress. Magical thinking from evangelicals who refused science and voted for the most evil politicians in history worsened all of this. I do fear what is coming, how can the economy survive this if it goes on long enough? What about people's medicine? What about the states if this virus is real, that are refusing to do lock downs? What new crazy laws will they come up with now? Their inactions on the part of Trump or planned destruction- now has directly impacted all our lives and created endless threats to our society and to everyone in America personally. As this meme says.....

 

America got TRUMPED.

Coronavirus Blues

Germphobes are now living their worse nightmare. So now they are telling us to wash our hands, well some of us washed their hands all the time.

Weird questions have come to my mind.... Does this mean society is going to collapse like all my old bible prophecy books told me? Is the asteroid next?

Will I be foraging in the woods on a breaking apart walker? Is the USA economy going to collapse? Some are worried about this. Are a bunch of people going to die? This is where being a newly deconverted conspiracy theorist feels like a nightmare of it's own.

I finally get my head screwed on straight and something worse then 9-11 happens. I live in a small town but the streets are still empty and people are freaked out.  In real life, remaining silent seems best because dumping my screaming inside emotions on anyone, is just going to cause problems.

My conspiracy theory mind....[I still believe in SOME conspiracy theories, while accepting a lot of them were bullcrap] starts wondering about things. Are they doing this to issue martial law? Is this to get us all vaccinated and chipped by force? Is this to make everyone live alone in their house? Is this some kind of testing event? Is this because massive protests were breaking out in Hong Kong and other countries? Did the ultra-wealthy due to Bernie's popularity realize more people in America were fed up and ready for democratic socialism and they wanted a new way to clamp society down?

Or did someone really eat a bowl of bat soup and start the pandemic rolling?

Is it a bioweapon? Which side released it if it is? How many people died for real in China, Italy, Iran and other places?


I read all that Georgia Guidestones crap that told me the elite wanted the population decreased to 500 million for the whole world so that old popular conspiracy stuff about "depopulation" is going through my head. Other conspiracy people have claimed it is related to 5G "radiation".

I apologize for some of the conspiracy musings, due to my past, but the right wingers calling it a hoax, and still going to meet at their churches of 300 plus people against government mandates are freaking me out too. They are spreading a virus even more around. They are being damned selfish! They call everything fake news and ignore the few people we have in government who may be looking out to stop a worse tragedy. Trump let this go on far too long and didn't stop the planes soon enough! I am following the scientific mandates. Flattening the curve makes sense.

This includes all the social distancing, ironically everyone is being made to live my housebound lifestyle during cold and hot months. Sadly I am missing out on a month where I can be outside. I'm used to being indoors, normal people aren't. I can see some flipping out around the time the 2 week marker hits. Extroverts will confront the limitations of Skype. What about all the poor souls who live alone? What are they supposed to do? For some it will be like solitary confinement in prison.

I've been inside as long as 90 days straight. I'm taking a few car rides with husband and to parks separate from people. The news is awful, I am going to have to take a breather after writing this to retain my sanity and stop reading some boards like collapse and coronavirus on reddit.

One scary thing, many super-sized people or other disabled people would be first on the triaged to die list if there was 20 people and 10 ventilators to be disbursed.  This already has happened in Italy.  It was not enjoyable to watch people web wide claim with relief it really only killed off the old and chronically ill.

Sometimes I wonder if this planet is hell and if we were all sent here to suffer. This is a thought only shared with the inner circle usually. God didn't step up to stop millions dying during the black plague either.  Some of my personal friends are freaked out because during my conspiracy and bible prophecy days, I talked about the "coming collapse of America" and openly researched emigration for some time but hit the chronic health and money barriers. I had this feeling of dread too, that something "bad" was going to happen soon too.

How is someone with a history of PTSD [CPTSD] diagnosed supposed to deal with this crap? I have one friend who is dealing with stage 4 cancer, how is she supposed to deal with this too? I was in an event where society collapsed for some days from a blizzard building a fire of magazines on a motel snowy lawn, but that was short and you knew it would be over. There's no therapists to talk you through as society goes under. I find myself thinking things like, "You need to toughen up, or you never will survive." My husband seems to be coping well but I am scared for him too. He's the one going out to get things we need and we have no masks only a few latex gloves. He has told me to calm down and that the scientists are on the job.

So tell me how you feel about this? Are you ready to flip out? Scared of society and the economy collapsing? I am scared for those who have had their work erased and who face health problems. How many restaurant workers are now facing serious unemployment as well as many others? Wondering what it all means. I don't even know what to think. Where I live, absolutely everything has been shut down.