They Destroyed the World!

                                     ......"and still his brainwashed idiots cheer for him"........


I've had some gallows humor lately....

I say to husband...

"Well they destroyed the world now"

Husband and I kind of laugh in a burst of dark humor....we have gone through so much shit, that nothing surprises us I guess anymore. Is jaded the word? Bitter?

I am sure some Christians would call me that, but they can tell their God for me if it exists, he held responsibility too for the way he made this world and the qualities he put in human beings. Mrs. Curses and my IFB churches with their cruel and monster god always promised apocalyptical horrors to befall mankind. I wonder if all those old fundies are now glorying in the mess. The Tribulation has begun! Stockholm Syndrome for all of humanity. There's no way a Jesus who believed in love for neighbor or any other spiritual figure who preached compassion is on these folk's side.

There's a point where the body and mind protects itself in trauma. If you can't flee, then you shut down. You learn to separate yourself from it all. It's combination of "I don't give a fuckitis" combined with just deciding to go forward day by day. Keep your care and concern but don't let small things bother you. The problem with this particular trauma so to speak is how long it's going. Anyhow we have food, no one's rioting [yet] and there's entertainment so enjoy good things while you have them. Chris Hedges is right, the outcome of this probably isn't going to be good.

Maybe my earlier poverty and hell hound life experiences will serve me in the new Mad Max America. I know what it's like to eat nothing but cheese crackers for 5 days and built a magazine fire outside of a motel, I am freezing to death in. I know what it is to dig food out of the trash. I know what it is like to have to feed 2 people for 2 dollars for 2 days. I know how to hide from would be rapists and robbers in a dangerous neighborhood. I know what it is like to have no medicine and be dying of stuff where you need it. Penny pinching, scourging and fighting to survive were developed skills long ago. I know what it is like to have the bottom fall out, where you have nobody and nothing and to almost die in a hospital bed alone [these were pre-Mr. Peep days]. Maybe they will be of use now.

If it were up to me, and I didn't have to take all these damn meds to stay alive, I would be buying a passport with the stimulus check, selling everything off, and outfitting the van, to drive for Uruguay or something once the borders ever opened. Of course now they may not ever be reopened.As for leaving for other countries, I did decide survival would be easier in a culture one was used too with some neighbors and UU church members willing to help. I am too deaf to learn a new language and it's hard enough to communicate in English as it is.

How hard is it to become an illegal alien in Canada? Just joking.

However I am going to accept it as a given, that the assholes have fucked up things beyond repair--- FUBAR in miltary lingo and will try and make the best of things. Knowing I may die soon if I catch it and if an old left over prednisone pack and emergency albuterol in a nebulizer doesn't save me, I am screwed anyway. My worse fear is my husband getting it even more then me. That haunts me all the time.

I am now telling him, if we ever get "normal" back for a short time, we need to revamp the lifestyle, and become permaculturists, and really take joining an intentional community seriously.  I knew years ago the American lifestyle was not sustainable. When we lived in the rural town years ago, I wanted to be one of the prepping people with gardens, but the money was never there. Life was always so much about survival and just staying alive was so hard.

I met this one permaculturist guy at my UU but he only shows up on rare occasions, I wish he would come back, I need to find some of those local networks. I also need to find a community garden or a place to plant some food. I live in apartment without any land. You know life is weird when you try to go see if there is a place you can stick a secret garden behind some woods next to your apartment complex. Well there wasn't enough room. Should I ask a friend to grow food in her yard? Should I go get a trowel and dig up the landscaped grass. I doubt the corporation that owns this place would be happy about it.

As an Aspie that wants to scream, and shout, "Look you fucked it all up!", watching the neurotypical reaction to disasters is interesting. Most are working very hard in appearing rational and hopeful and the kind ones do have an interest in helping others. I can pick up the hidden tears and despair most are invested in hiding. My emotions outside of my husband, friends online and here seem to have no where to go. The kind people are the ones to emulate, help who you can. I need to write some lonely people letters and cards. I have visions of people cracking up alone inside of apartments.

I've had my moments of despair thinking I am now one of those "burdens" not much use to anyone outside maybe giving a friend an extra package of toilet paper I found. The disabled and those of us who live on the edge in normal society are experiencing a level of fear many probably would not understand. With a pandemic, that monster in charge can do even more extreme and insane things, people can't gather in crowds to do a very needed march on Washington. In countries less satiated by bread and circuses which could be disappearing anyway, heads probably would have already been on pikes. Maybe one day there will be a Nuremburg trial for all these traitorous Republicans but most are so old, so probably not.

Human beings need community to survive. If you are young and reading this, the American lifestyle sucks, it will destroy your health and well, it's not viable for the long term. Find allies, Find a tribe. For the younger and healthier this will be easier. If you are an Aspie find other Aspies you are compatible with and then move closer together. See if you can find an alternative. Even if you are of the rare or privileged ones who scrambles up to the middle class and above, realize that can be taken away in a nanosecond with the disasters planned or otherwise they have in store for you. Use this opportunity to consider how life can be different. Some people have written about how this event could provide an impetus for some to throw off the worse chains of the oligarchy.

The cost to many of us with useless narcissistic families is immense. In the past kinfolk used to support one another, now they just try to destroy you. My family called me crazy before I went no contact for talking about the bad stuff that could happen.  I hope those reading this, have someone to help support them. Some of my friends and others have already helped us. You find out who your real friends are then. Hope these people know how much I appreciate them.

It does not escape my attention that my family's Nazi-esque beliefs and political endeavors has brought hell to all our doors. People need to break out their history books, and remember IT REPEATS ITSELF and humans went on a destruction streak many time before with sociopaths leading the charge.

Even if they "beat" this virus, and it looks like to me,they are trying to do everything to spread it far and wide with reopening everything early, there will be another one coming down the pike. That one could be far worse. Stephen King always wrote weird books about society imploding, I'm reading one now called CELL, where cell phones destroy all these people's brains and society collapses. Maybe he knew intuitively what was coming. All those zombie movies were true representations of Americans dying inside losing their souls, and rampaging for survival would be next on the agenda. This tragedy will produce some heroes and those who step up for their fellow man, but it should have never been allowed to happen in the first place.

When they are talking collapse of medical and food supply chains openly, it makes you wonder. What is to come? The insanity of food being destroyed too while people go without, shows the failure of this country and it's capitalist systems.  I have to spend today making decisions on getting some things I need from clothes which may not be available long to more canned chicken. I haven't gone into a store since early March, but may need to take the risk, to make some of the decisions about what is needed.

Everyone's too afraid to talk about anything. The positive culture has led to a culture of denial. It got us in this fix to begin with. People closed their eyes to the growing cracks in our society, "oh everything's alright" and judged people who said "Something is wrong here, one day it's all going to burst!" I think of all those mercurial women who told me I was "negative". No,  I was right. To survive this you better keep it authentic. Cuss and fume, but then also make the dark jokes if they make you feel better.


Maybe human beings all have a level of premonition, and they knew things were going to go to shit, and that's why we transitioned from the hope of the 1960s to the misery and would be dystopian nightmares of the 2020s. I was watching an episode of "Lost in Space" with my husband and said, "Look at that show, they expected things to ADVANCE back then!" There will be no exploring the stars when humanity always hoists itself on it's own petard.


And speaking of the "re-open" protesters. One thing I don't get, why didn't these people vote for Bernie, and why are the dummies carrying Trump 2020 signs when TRUMP DID THIS TO THEM?[Trump ignoring intelligence warnings and more]

I have been able to pay my rent because I am disabled, but I wonder what will happen to Social Security too. Husband's work has been massively cut but since he is at home gig employment, THERE'S SOME. He does not qualify for unemployment because he still makes 160 dollars a week. Yes that's the cut off for gig employees to get unemployment or not. How many people do you know that can pay all their bills on 160 a week? We are okay now, better then many. I won't take it for granted.

It has not escaped my notice that all companies are demanding payment from car insurance to rent. We had to know greedy insane America would not freeze bills like other countries. They want to destroy people. There's people who have lost all income and I am very scared for them. What will happen to them?

That said though, 1200 bucks for the average person, that's RENT alone in many cities, especially if you do not live in a small town. They may have succeeded in holding off riots for one month, but what about NEXT month?

I've been poor enough in my past to see where this is going to go.....do you think people who have no food to eat are going to ignore grocery stores right down the street. You think they are going to passively sit around when the cable and internet get cut off? What about power outages?

Living in America has never felt safe. Oh sure, they told us, this was a great country but I knew it was a rotting hulk they cleaned out for their useless wars by 2001. Remember that black pastor who used to warn that the chickens were coming home to roost? He was right too! Idiocracy became a reality 20 years ago, and things just got worse. There's people who have been warning for years. The ones who try to stand against the darkness. The world needs people like that more then ever.

I wonder if starvation, eviction, and worse, will get some to back away from the Trump Kool-Aid.

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