Platonic Catfishing?

"Just when i thought everything was good
My friend i guess misunderstood
thought we had mutual respect
Now i see the times that we get
So becareful who u choose as a friends
For they might let u down in the end...
Just when i thought a real good friend i found they pic you up u to let down


them let u down down down
them let you down down down,
down down down down


So my son always bear in mind
A faithful friend is hardest thing to find,
it is better an open enemy
A false friend is hardest thing to see cause,
when times are good, well a friends are plenty
In times of trouble, well not one in twenty,
Just when i thought a real good friend I've found
pick you up and let you down, eh

The other day I was channel surfing and saw the show on MTV called Catfishing for the first time. I don't always trust reality TV and am sure that some of it is scripted, but some poor shy 20 something year old kid was meeting the woman he thought he had fallen in love with online and who he wanted to marry and she was a fake.  He got suspicious however when none of the promised meetings ever happened, and so he brought MTV with him to confront the woman who was something like 20 years older and lied about who she really was to him. Catfishing is usually seem in the romantic context, where someone dallies with the affairs of the heart, but it can be liars that also scam for money and present themselves as false platonic online friends too.

If you write anything online, that has elements of whistle-blowing or where you share controversial opinions about size acceptance or other matters that upset people,  you can get yourself some enemies, who want you to shut up and want the goods on you at the very least. Whoever this person was, they seemed to want to clean out my brain and then walk away. Well there isn't much dirt to know.  Come on, I lay out almost my entire life on this blog and if I tell someone about it's existence, they are getting a front row seat.  Your blog may be small potatoes but maybe it's gotten some unwanted attention.

My opinions about obesity and size acceptance ARE CONTROVERSIAL. Whistleblowers and those commenting on society aren't always the most welcome at the party. I had a few try to love-bomb me and become instant friends, one blogger whose blog turned into the Heal Narcissists blog,  who seemed to worshipped at the altar of the expert on narcs who is a self avowed psychopath, tried to buddy up with me via email and failed. Well someone did wiggle in recently who I wrote about here.

I have wondered recently if they were a "Catfisher" of sorts. They showed me a few pictures, but then they were very extremely limited, maybe it was pictures of someone else? On their Facebook wall there was no picture after 1988. I was friendly and showed them tons of photos hoping they would open up or maybe give me a pic from the year 2000. Here was a place where I just wasn't careful enough.

My husband has told me he wants me to be careful who I befriend online. I have met VERY good friends online, include one  friend I have known for 12 years, another friend I met on Facebook two years ago, my one deceased friend of 17 years, my Aspie circle of friends which includes several people and who I have known 10-15 years and they are all good friends who have been there for me in all ways that count even if we all live far away from another. I also as well have my ACON contacts and friends and others through this blog. This time I got so badly burned, I'm retreating, knowing I am too vulnerable. While this blog is anonymous on line, I need to be more careful who I share it with. The trusted friends I never got burned, but with others, you will.

The internet can be wild and wooly place and remember we are the first generation dealing with the social ins and outs of internet socialization. We can have things go bad. I believe with the TV shows detailing Catfishing that is just the tip of the ice berg of what is happening out there. It doesn't have to be someone who wants money or is part of some bigger agenda. It can just be someone who enjoys screwing with people and messing with their minds.

I realized someone "mirrored" me to the extreme. What do I mean by "mirroring" where someone acts like they are just like you, where you think "Oh I have found one of my tribe?"  They told me they shared a lot of problems with me. I thought and this is very dangerous, "Now this is someone who will understand". That is one major red flag. Another is love bombing. I wonder how I fell for things but at least it was only some months wasted instead of longer. No money was involved only, just a false friend I bared my soul too and then I realized was telling me things that did not add up. I had to learn even if someone shares deep and personal things with you, it doesn't mean you are safe to do likewise.

Some may ask "Why do you think they were a catfisher?" instead of a sincere person you simply were not compatible with? The instant bonding, the deep desire to influence me on everything from obesity topics to religious ones, like they were wiggling into my mind trying to change it on everything.  It also  included seeking out close bonding to get me to open up and to share very personal things--here is where mirroring took it's greatest toll, and then the absolute silence when I asked them to explain some stories and medical claims that didn't make any sense and didn't add up. I felt like someone played me and played me big. I'm done with them now.

 Be careful who you open yourself up to online. With many friends, it worked out great for me, but with this one, I am left with a bad taste in my mouth and realizing some depths of human deception, I couldn't even fathom and you all know how much I have seen.

Why Do People Do This?

You have a online friend, and you share many good moments together, you joke, you talk about personal things, you share art with them, they share poetry with you. You may share personal problems and other things, and then suddenly they get angry at you. They tell you that you are a great person and they love you. You hope it is true, you like them, they are interesting and smart.  Was I loved bombed? Now I think so.

They have shared problems with you some even far worse then yours but suddenly yours are too much for them. You don't know what you did wrong. Suddenly they close you out. They do it slow and low, saying things like "lets take a break" and sticking to the weather. The freeze-out was immediate.

They do the polite dance steps. Along the way, you have noticed something is wrong with the stories they are telling you, something doesn't add up. The medical things and other things sound weird and don't make sense, why have they only show you a picture from 1988 and you showed them up to the minute photos on Facebook?  You notice when you disagree with them they seem angry. You didn't mean to upset them but you know you can't denounce Jesus Christ to make someone happy and agree with them that the Bible is fake and full of errors. You told them you were a Christian on the first day, so that gets weird. It's not like you made your beliefs secret.

 Something seems fishy. Internet relationships can be complicated. You aren't seeing the person in real life. Was I catfished I wondered?  Well catfishes are usually romance types but I wonder if it can be done with fake platonic friendship. Why else did someone befriend me, get me to open up and bare my soul to them only for them to dump me once they emptied my brain out? Do some people enjoy playing games? Were some enemies trying to get the goods on me? What else is there to find out? I have an entire freaking blog, detailing the woes of my life. Am I paranoid for thoughts like this? Stranger things have happened to people online.

I know now while I have some good friendships online, one friendship is a few years old but I've seen dozens of pictures of her, and she is real,  a few are over 12 years old in duration, and I had my good friend from years ago who I was friends with for 17 years who died. I have to be more cautious about who I meet online and who I bare my soul to. The person in question even told me they were a fellow Aspie. Well I went down that road before with one blogger I parted ways from.

This stuff hurts, it really does. My deceased online friend told me if you can find one person you can trust in this life time then you are more fortunate then many people. I know what she means now. Why are people like this? So fake? I would rather someone tell me to go to hell then give me the stupid freeze outs and fake crap. It hurts bad. I cry over all these people who couldn't give one crap about me. What gets me is the stuff I ignored. I knew something was wrong but I wanted things to be true. Well at least this time I only wasted 6 months instead of 4 years or 30 years like with the college friend. I broke it away first. She was freezing me doing the cold polite thing. I could feel it. My intuition is usually proven correct. I wanted to be wrong. I wasn't.

 Sometimes a person feels unlovable with this crap. Like everyone hates them and they must be a bad person that everyone should hate. I am too sensitive.  If not for my husband and good friends where would I be? I need to talk to a therapist. Dear Therapist why do people hate me? I have analyzed every bad fault. Ok I complained too much. My depression got the better of me. I sent cards, I tried to be a good friend. I wanted to know sincerely how they were doing. I did CARE. Okay does that mean I suck and should be vanquished to pariah hell forever? Maybe it's not me. Maybe some people just hate me out there just because they want to. Maybe they hate my personality, the spark of life. Maybe it's religious division the Bible warns about.

Sheesh this has been a very hard week.....

You all will see why with the next article too.