Tuesday, October 19, 2021

Great Reset: The Economy is Being Crashed


Two days ago, I went to a Dollar Tree store, we have used for years. The shelves were mostly empty. It was extremely unsettling.  About 30 percent of the inventory was there. I bought shampoo, some scrubbing pads and a few other items. The condition of this store brought back visions of people lining up for things in Russia from the 1980s.

Years ago as I was deep into conspiracy, it was discussed on all conspiracy boards that the elite planned to crash the American economy one day. This was discussed in my fundamentalist Christian circles, message boards and elsewhere. Even my IFB pastor said, the American economy would crash and burn, and people were not spiritually ready. Some other people talked of Peak Oil and America collapsing as well. Well looks like that day is here. I don't know what is wrong with the people I live around here. Deep denial? Brainwashing? I walk into a nearly empty store, post about it on my Facebook and very few care. The "think positive" ethos holds even in the face of complete collapse. It's the apocalypse and you have to smile. 

Their threat "you will own nothing" is very real. The planned for "Great Reset" is real too. They are destroying people's livelihoods, even middle class and above folks have lost endless small businesses. This town is triggering me as it's looking like a ghost town, this is just like what happened to my old small rural town in the mid to late 2000s. The only businesses surviving are a few take-outs and luxury places for the wealthy. 

As long time readers of this blog know, I experienced extreme poverty in my 20s. Those memories of digging in trash cans and having only one meal a day or less to eat are there. I know what it is like to wear near rags as clothing and need new clothing and be unable to have any.  People don't know what that is like and sadly many are going to be surprised. The worse days will come from the food shortages. We may not be able to get our cars fixed or have items to fix machinery. Our leaders are evil.

Sunday, October 10, 2021

Natural Life Vs. Machine Life


photograph by Peep

Here is a recent reading to my UU.  These are supposed to be 3-5 minutes long. The theme was pro-life not in the abortion battle sense, but in what honors and promotes life. While I don't confront on Covid or vaxxes, I do believe the Covid stuff is tied to an insidious agenda with technology.  Obviously in this speech I made it known I am not happy with the events of the last two years.   This one was stepping out on a limb a bit.

“This is my beat. The heat drenched empty sidewalks and all the millions of lonely electronic hotel rooms and cybernetic apartments. No one goes out any more. They all stay in their rooms pressing their buttons, staring at their terminals. I call it The Gulch. Silicon Gulch.”

The Kid from Silicon Gulch—Robert Calvert

What has happened to life? Does a fire burn inside you or has it been stamped out? Many are allied with anti-life agendas today. Pro-life is freedom, spontaneity and social connection. Pro-life is love, joy and play.  Pro-life is the freedom to explore and be and do. Prolife isn’t conformity and being locked in a box. Prolife is discovery and imperfection.  This long drawn out crisis seems to be locking some new prison doors, upon the soul. 

  Prolife is not locked down societies where all freedom and free speech is erased forever. Where people are “othered” and corporations rule. Very few are asking “Should we?” Sadly crises can be used by those with nefarious agendas, like Naomi Klein warned of in her book, “The Shock Doctrine” which warned about “Disaster Capitalism”.  We seem to have a class of technocratic educated elites who want to impose their will on the rest of society disenfranchising the disabled, the poor and people of color.  Very few are questioning the goals or life they seem to want for the rest of us. 

We have entered the era of the battle between natural life vs machine life. One thing to ask is which is more prolife? I say the former. We can use technology as a tool but we must not go to the place where it owns us or is used for oppression by the more powerful.    Some are not waking up to the incredible damage that things like digital IDs or having everything computer mandated will do to our lives. Some are not realizing the negative things technology can bring. It goes far beyond the kids being on the smart phones too much.

Jesus said, “He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.” Life is something that if you grab on too tight, and squeeze it down to nothing the essence will be lost  A human society run on fear and control, is one that is joining the forces of anti-life instead of prolife.

How many fascists have built cages in human history using human fear? George Orwell in his book 1984 warned of totalitarianism in all its forms. 

Society is going to a place, where it’s all about progress, but who is the progress for? The thinkers questioning the rapid march to technocratic dystopia have been sidelined. There is dehumanization in the march to commodify society. There is a loss to human soul where life becomes all about the measurements, the observation and not about living.  The severed connection from the spirit worsens. 

Who does it benefit? The “fourth industrial revolution”, is not conspiracy, it is discussed openly in Time magazine. Some may even see this as natural evolution or ‘good progress” but there’s dangers here, that work against the freedom of human life.

 Here there is too much power for a 1 percent that could be very abused. Look up things like block chains. Artificial intelligence works now via algorithms in many areas. Some focus on different forms of propaganda for whatever targeted demographic they are focused on.

There are too many who seem to want endless control of our lives.  Technology can be a servant, and has brought positive changes to our lives, I use a phone to transcribe speech due to my being hard of hearing, but what happens when there are desires to commodify human life itself? Human beings should not be turned into products too.  More of us should be asking, about some of the social engineering that has come to fruition in the last two years and how it is altering the use of technology. 

 The technocratic vision of life and their values are not my own. The desire to turn life into all polished metal surfaces “under surveillance and control” is stamping out the essence of life. Some take things so far, you’d think they want to pave over the whole earth. Human beings create tools but they also can be formed and changed by them. 

 I have an interest in the organic radical movement, there voices on the left though smaller in number like Allison McDowell and Charlene Spretnak who are questioning the view of mankind as simply another biological machine. There are naturalists, vegans, and others who are analyzing the natural vs. the machine life battle.

Artists have a different nature, we don’t want locked in a room with a computer ledger with life boiled down to nothing but rules and the numbers.

 I have no interest in joining the “Internet of bodies”. Where the human body becomes merchandise to track. They don't want any spontaneity, freedom, or natural life left. How do you feel about having human interactions mediated by corporations?  Some of us want lives beyond the computer screen. I am questioning my own life now in this regard.

Some may know about Singularity, and artificial intelligence. Do you want a digital boot stamping on your face forever? 

There were warnings at the dawn of the first industrial revolution, where people realize something was being lost.  These same themes ring true today but on a more advanced level. I’ve read the writings of John Ruskin, a Victorian social thinker. He raged against the machine back then and warned of the dehumanization that would come during the first industrial revolution. This warning would definitely apply today. 

Imperfection is in some sort essential to all that we know of life. It is the sign of life in a mortal body, that is to say, of a state of progress and change. Nothing that lives is, or can be, rigidly perfect; part of it is decaying, part nascent… And in all things that live there are certain irregularities and deficiencies which are not only signs of life, but sources of beauty. No human face is exactly the same in its lines on each side, no leaf perfect in its lobes, no branch in its symmetry. All admit irregularity as they imply change; and to banish imperfection is to destroy expression, to check exertion, to paralyze vitality. All things are literally better, lovelier, and more beloved for the imperfections which have been divinely appointed, that the law of human life may be Effort, and the law of human judgment, Mercy.

Will Power Dieting Isn't Going to Fix Tammy and It's Not Going to Fix Me Either.


{I posted this on a 1000lb sister message board: I sometimes post about my life and history comparing them to the two sisters on this show--I made other additions to this article}

I think they need to get to the core root of Tammy's food problems. There's major hyperphagia, excessive hunger. It can have physical causes.

I think Tammy's body is beyond the "you better have strong will" usual CICO dieting. It's doomed for failure. I "failed" on weight loss [lost 200 down from the peak] but even keeping that off takes sticking to food schedules, medicine--thyroid, compression therapy, I have bounced from mid 400s to low 500s for years. An anti androgen drug I was forced off of, years ago, helped me lose the original 250 down from 700. I lost around 20-30 this year off the baseline but obviously I am still very supersized. 

I was once 700. I eat health food, and cannot eat desserts, candy, juice, fast food, beef, potatoes, etc, many foods people take for granted and have half the meals vegetarian. In my case there's some serious metabolic crap going on, and I have Lipedema stage 4.

I still think Tammy has some physical problems not being addressed. One thing that is scary is there are no inpatient treatment for fat people. It's like you either do the weight loss surgery thing--not possible for everyone, or get shoved away into a backwater nursing home. This means having money of your own if you are disabled beyond 30 dollars a month and your entire household in the outer world gets shut down. I wanted to get put in a hospital or rehab to take more off around 10 years ago and got turned down, they literally told me, well you can still walk, cook a meal, etc, which is true, but a lot of things are affected very badly. I am in horrible pain today just from going into some stores and walking around more yesterday. I have swollen up, Lipedema is a nightmare in this way.

I don't think Tammy has Lipedema and does have obvious food addiction problems but believe something is causing the hyperphagia. I want to skip meals and lower calories even more, but even to maintain the diabetes, I get sick easily and now dealing with low blood sugars too often from being too tired to cook, distracted with art work, etc. I don't lose weight like other people.

My levels of hunger are higher than normal people's. A thin person can go all day with one meal. I feel like I will die if I miss any of the three. That's not normal. Her levels of hunger seem to be in the stratosphere. The amounts she eats are huge from what the show has shown.

She has something wrong. This isn't something will power dieting is going to solve. "Will power dieting" has failed for me. I would be dead without going more vegetarian--half diet--too anemic to do full, a strong interest in health food, and refusing all GMO, sugar, fast food etc. Some people have bodies that don't work right. Her solving her food addiction problems would help a lot. Maybe her metabolism and body aren't as messed up as mine but her body shows some major problems, with the way her forehead is shaped and more.

Amy has done far better with weight loss surgery and traditional dieting, she has some issues but I think they are far less severe than Tammy's. I show some genetic signs, and want some genetic tests. I am autistic, have multiple autoimmune diseases others never have even heard of, am deaf from one and even one ear is double the size of the other, so there's signs on me too. They should do more extensive testing on Tammy.

She  is WAY TOO ISOLATED. That alone will take someone to food if they are addicted. I deal with severe isolation but because I am married things are far worse for her. Covid really made this worse for me. Superfat people are rejected by their families and society. Some people may be friendly to you in groups etc. I formed my life around groups for social interactions, but it's far harder to find local friends to hang out with you. People simply DON'T when you are at these super-sizes. It makes sense, you are so large, you can't do things easily, you can't walk very far. I was fortunate to have so many activities I could do, in group settings prior to Covid. This included stamp club, art class, disability group, book clubs and activities with my UU church.

I had one local friend dump me because her family told her that they were embarrassed for her hanging out with me. I was on a lower end of my weight scale then, probably around 460 at that time but that was enough, she attacked my autism as well. So Tammy is stuck at home all day with no one to talk to. One also feels pain from rejection from a unloving family, Tammy is more cared about except by the Mom but you can tell they look down on her for being fat. She also is abusive to people herself which is a sad combination. It's horrible how she tells off the family all the time, a family that has stuck by her and tried to help her. She needs far more then their help though. My family was abusive and I went no contact. She is on a definite shame spiral. I thought about how happy she was with the trainer too. She simply blossomed in the attention. The shame spiral will destroy her. She is lashing out at others which is the worse way to go.

With Tammy she can't get in cars or buses or drive, so that adds to the isolation. I don't know if a car could be set up for her to drive, she's too big to fit in a seat I think, and put in the back. That alone leads to the extreme isolation. They live too rural for her to get on a bus. These things affect my life where my husband drives me but I am dependent on him. I can fit in car seats but driving is harder because of the legs and fit, I could drive our van in an emergency but it is painful. I even question going into a cohousing place or somewhere where there would be automatic involvement with others instead of living in a small apartment set apart from everything and everyone but those really are only open to the middle class and above.

Tammy at least has show money but imagine with people on fixed incomes, they aren't going anywhere. The isolation of super fat people adds to the weight, less activity and in her food addiction, she's home alone with the refrigerator, nothing to do, and few hobbies outside of her sister. Tammy is going to die unless they put her in a rehab that doesn't allow food cheating, and some immense counseling and exploration of physical issues. She needs the psychiatric issues with too and food addiction but also any underlying physiological issues.

Friday night dinner, Tikka Masla boneless skinless chicken thighs, corn salad with veggies with left over corn, there is sauce on the rice. The cucumber is from my garden.

If I won the Lotto tomorrow, I would go into a weight loss/medical treatment program rehab of some sort. I did look into going into a specialized Lipedema/lymph clinic, but was told that I already do at home what the lymph clinic would do for me, which includes hours of wrapping legs, and 2 hours a day in the leg machine. Yes it scares the hell out of me I would be even fatter and bigger without doing these things. I spent 3-4 hours a day on it. My legs get so thin when a therapist wraps them but they know I do the best I can. My Lipedema goes up to my chest too.

Why don't they have specialized weight loss rehab centers or programs for the severely obese?  I do ask why there is so much more help for the drug addicted and so little for the fat? It really makes me wonder. I want to go somewhere where I could get 100lbs stripped off for more functionality. Going from 515 to 415 would be a game changer. Tammy needs to go a gym even if she has to do it on a walker. I attended the Purple gym on a walker for two years before Covid, made that impossible. I kept my membership and am hoping to go back. I want to go back right now, but husband still doesn't think it is safe with Covid.

I do think she needs more help, a lot more help. I also need more help then I am getting so not judging her. Some weight loss centers don't allow calls out for food delivery etc. I got put on "diets" in the hospital but usually when I am hospitalized I am too sick and hate food so even that doesn't get eaten. 

I think 1200 calories is too low, and I can't stick to calories that low and never could with the hunger.  1800-2000 would be more realistic for her. The all or nothing stuff is messing her up. The starvation diets lower the metabolism. I've been down that road. I wish medical professionals would figure out some of us are beyond will power dieting. We need more help. Tammy definitely does.

Thursday Dinner, those are vegetarian "grillers" not hamburgers...

I am seeing a medical nutritionist. I took pictures of all my food for 5 days and showed it to her. She told me she was shocked at how many vegetables I ate and that she has to tell most people to eat more vegetables. My meals included an egg sandwich and blueberries for breakfast, a vegetarian dish with some noodles, garbanzo beans, green beans and bean sprouts, various salads, a vegetarian burrito, with some black bean soup, some Tikka Masala chicken with rice and corn salad, refried rice with left over tofu sausages, cauliflower casserole made with yogurt, a couple turkey sandwiches, bananas, low sugar granola with teff and a few glasses of Lactaid milk.  I don't think my portions and other things were considered too bad. One thing in blood tests they know if you are going nuts. My A1C was 6.8 last time? They want me to try to get it down to 6.5. 

A lot of my life is centered around cooking and figuring out "WHAT" to eat.  The reason they have me seeing this nutritionist is because my uric acid is sky high. I read once severe Lipedema can cause high uric acid levels and need to research and print out the website where I saw this discussed. They have figured out the problem is not dietary. My protein levels are not high enough.

Saturday night dinner, left over tofu sausages, carrots, bean sprouts, onions, green pepper, eggs, leftover rice made into refried rice.

I got tired last week and feel guilt because the CFS took me away from some exercising but I did go out gardening and pruning tomato plants and walking around some large stores. Later I did do some Sit and Be Fits and another work out for old people. Since I discovered I can get Youtube on my TV it's helped my exercise life. It's not just the Comcast Workout videos anymore. Tai Chi is enjoyable.

 I had to clean and do a variety of things and had multiple medical appointments. I have many more this next month. I have noticed the spoons theory applies to my life and then some. There's only so much energy and even if I do an art project, something else is taken away from. I had some pain this week but my mobility this week was better then a few weeks ago, it really does change drastically from some of the rheumatology problems. This week I was able to do a bit more. 

I told the medical nutritionist, I feel unable to sink the food down lower to whatever caloric level would strip weight off, and that even keeping the weight stable takes effort. I also discussed with her the extreme hunger problems and was open and honest about how hungry I am ALL The time. This is physical hunger with full stomach growling the works, not just boredom. The uric acid issue is still being explored. She was nice and professional and I discussed my complex weight history to her including the huge gain, showing pictures for proof. My plan is to ask her for more advice on what to do. Maybe she can get other doctors in on the action. The uric acid thing is worrisome, there's so much WEIRD stuff going on with my body. 

My eating has kept to the schedule. It's just hard to know what to do.  Partial vegetarianism is improving my health but I am fighting the river to keep from drowning. Us super-fat people need more help, we may have a variety of issues impacting our weight but there needs to be more help out there.  I need more help and so does Tammy. Some avenues I plan to explore are more help for pain, and fatigue and seeking more expert advice on the Lipedema. I need to bust out of the Covid cage too for survival. 

Saturday, October 9, 2021

The Crow


This is another painting I did a little time ago. I love crows, and had collected photos of some, so decided to paint one. 

Tuesday, October 5, 2021

An Interesting Article


Engineered Bat Virus Stirs Debate Over Risky Research

This article is from 2015, the 2020 disclaimer added to the article is kind of funny. I find myself thinking "Sure Jan...."

They were messing with some very bad stuff, and it makes you question a lot. 

" The researchers created a chimaeric virus, made up of a surface protein of SHC014 and the backbone of a SARS virus that had been adapted to grow in mice and to mimic human disease. The chimaera infected human airway cells — proving that the surface protein of SHC014 has the necessary structure to bind to a key receptor on the cells and to infect them. It also caused disease in mice, but did not kill them.

Although almost all coronaviruses isolated from bats have not been able to bind to the key human receptor, SHC014 is not the first that can do so. In 2013, researchers reported this ability for the first time in a different coronavirus isolated from the same bat population2."




Someone screwed up somewhere along the line. The fact these mad scientists alone, had no problem creating or altering viruses that could harm humans, is problem enough.

Stephen King in his book "The Stand" warned of a pandemic to come out of a government lab.

Friday, October 1, 2021

Stand By Your Man Taken to Insanity: Anna Duggar Loses All Sympathy


Remember this article?

"Will Anna Leave Josh Duggar? She Should."

You ever notice our society is so messed up, it seems every woman married to a celebrity does the "Stand By Your Man" crap to the point of insanity. Now Josh Duggar is a "C" level celebrity but seems like the rule has held. 

Anna Duggar disgusts me now. All my sympathy is gone. She is a victim of a cult, and brainwashing but there's a line she has crossed and that line is that she won't even protect her own children.  I find myself wondering if she may be as personality disordered and toxic as her husband. Maybe she is as debauched as he is.

Enablers can be just as much abusers as the original sociopaths and malignant narcs. Every child that was abused knows it wasn't just the abusers who betrayed us, but the enablers who stood by and watched. It only occurred to me years later, there were plenty of relatives standing around doing nothing or who even encouraged things as I got hit and had other abuses happen right in front of them. Enablers who help the sociopaths do their thing are as part of the evil as they are. They are complicit. 

The fact she can even smile at this guy like this now even as they have been "homeless" for years living in the back yard shed of the Duggar family, and could now be going to jail for the most vile crimes known to man short of outright murder, makes her as disgusting as he is. He's smirking at her in the above video too. I understand people can fall under a sociopath's spell, and she definitely could be, but when children's well-being is on the line that's time to wake up.

She's moved from enabler status in my mind to PERP too, because she's kissing a would be pedophile's ass right in front of the world and doesn't give a damn about victims or even her own kids. Something is very wrong with her. Think about this she is in the court rooms with the creep as they read the charges and WHAT HE DID. Remember he watched the worse of the worse in that criminal world. How could anyone sit there and listen to that, and walk out smiling and holding hands? 

Their children have been so betrayed even having these two immorals as parents. I hope they rebel as adults for their own sake. She is no mother. The system has failed in not taking these kids out of the home/shed. Maybe they have to wait until he is convicted, but they all definitely need interviewed and to be protected. 

Their children may have the greater chance for escape since their grotesque father has already made them outcasts in the cult. Why stick around? I think when the chips fall, some of them when they are older will realize how Anna betrayed them.  They will remember their mother choosing their loser father There's been a lot of outrage over Anna Duggar online, most people are horrified by her recent actions. What kind of cult tells you to stand by a would be pedophile? While many people did see her truthfully as a victim of a cult, she's definitely crossed a line here. How bad does it have to get before she will stand up for her children and herself? 

Whitney Thore and The Life of Fat Women

Sometimes there's far more wrong than being fat. That applies to Whitney Thore, she has many problems in addition to obesity. Hey that's true for my life, I deal with a lot more then being five hundred pounds on both the emotional and physical front. Just becoming deaf, is pretty big, and maybe I should post about that a bit. 

  My concerns about this show, is that it puts fat women in such a bad light. It doesn't offer us help or anything concrete to look to.  It's entertainment but what kind of messages about fat people is this show putting out? Is the public going to become more sympathetic to us or less?  Whitney has a lot more problems then just the obesity. The show also shows the limits of the "fat and sassy" stuff. Remember the years when I got in debates with size acceptance people for talking about the limitations of HAES and when I told Marilyn Wann to go visit a nursing home with super-fat people?

On a recent show, Whitney Thore was shown taking a trip with a Fat Women Traveling Group. It exposed a lot to me. Here's a caveat, being so different, I would not fit into the fat woman group either. I am on the autistic spectrum and have anxiety disorders.  Obviously people who can afford travel and a trip like that are in different shape to me. The women seem nice but I am not into twerking and there's no bathing suits that would fit me. Damn I loved the tricycles, I want one, wish I could afford one. You know I found a bicycle company about a year ago for fat people, they even go up to 550lbs.

You can see her problems right there next to them all. She's pretty, she's actually made up well, and all the women were wearing very nice clothing, and looked great. But you can see the personality stuff. You can tell they almost feel sorry for her. Such as when she is talking about her Frenchman. You can see their unease and worry. The immaturity is glaring.

One fellow fat traveler, Rebecca was trying to warn her, like you are falling into this same trap with the guy in France again like with Avi. Rebecca had dated and been conned by Avi too. Being fat you have to be careful in the dating world and I had exploitive men try to come after me too when I was young.

If you are Super-fat, toxic men will try and mess with you. I had strange men attempt stalking on me and other crazy stuff. As past readers here know, I was raised uber Catholic even though I deconverted from family's church which meant I was a late life shy virgin and so not as likely to have sex with them. I also was too autistic for the exploitive men to understand or get with.  These men fortunately rejected me for my weirdness and for being a bookworm.

I was able to avoid exploitive men though or being used by one, and married my first love, but these special circumstances protected me. Many fat women sadly have to deal with these kind of men. Well all women do but with super fat women the risks are higher. How come Whitney doesn't talk honestly about this? She encourages the exploitation of fat women by toxic men in her own man and baby hunger. She's a walking cliche of the desperate fat spinster. She dates men who dump her for thin women, ignores the guy [Lenny] whose actually physically attracted to her and makes the worse dating choices possible. 

 She's definitely no feminist rebel against the system on our behalf. She's taking the crumbs and that makes me mad. I wish we had a fat strong women who wouldn't take crap from men. This is the worse personality for young fat women to watch and be instructed on love lives. This may sound weird from deconverted me but perhaps the nuns and others who instilled all these high ideals in me about love, protected me from some of the worse.  

Toxic men do prey on super fat women. They tried it with me and failed. Rebecca was trying to break through Whitney's wall, because it seemed like she learned her lesson and Whitney was just repeating the same mistake. I got frustrated because I wanted Rebecca to be more direct but she did at least get Whitney to ask if the Frenchman was another AVI....Well yes.

The other women do seem to have more sense of self, and career success and a presence. I do envy their confidence. I see Whitney lacking. Whitney tries too hard. While Whitney has a TV show and fame, she lacks this inner peace and stamina inside, that the other fat women have. It is something I have had to work on, like I got to the edges of it via ACON recovery and going no contact from abusers. I do think of recovery messages all the time in my head. I think Whitney should go into therapy. She is messed up inside too from feeling like she is "not enough", that will mess people up. 

Whitney I think has something odd with the parents she needs recovery from. They don't seem overtly "abusive" [Whitney was never hit, or yelled at or stuff like that as far as we know] but there's some weirdness with Babs I pick up on. I read Babs as having some elements of covert narcissism that have carried over to Whitney. Babs comes out with passive aggressive stuff all the time with a dark undertone. One thing to notice with Babs is while she appears "nice" there are a lot of disguised comments, like compliments with a bite, is the best way I can describe it. Babs has poor boundaries too always saying sexual things that are over the top too, Babs doesn't touch people but crosses people's boundaries that way--the apple may not have fallen far from the tree.

Whitney could have been in a golden child role. Whitney obviously believes she has to perform to please them. She is in this weird trap. It's given her drive, and ironically fame, but she is having problems with all her relationships and doesn't have a calm or peaceful presence.

You can tell she is comparing herself to these women and considering herself not to be "enough", the jealousy is busting out from her to the immense. I am a 4 on the Enneagram, we can be jealous types and it is a "shadow" I have to deal with but damn she is so jealous of them, it's insane, like green eyed monster has taken over, and scared not to be the center of attention. This goes with her lack of inner fortitude. Something is missing there. I see a nice group of women, and she is there to compete and one up them all. They can pick up on it too.  They can see her emotional abuse fueled shame and other problems. They ask her to teach them some dancing but instead she twerks around and destroys personal bodily boundaries slapping all the women on the butt.

I do think there could be some implicit personality disorder as discussed here. The top theories are BPD and NPD, she seems to show multiple narcissistic traits, and that "hot" and "cold" stuff.  She seems to fear abandonment and is unable to spend time alone.  This explains a lot of the weirdness with Buddy where one minute he's the greatest thing since sliced bread and the next she turns on him putting him down. The clinginess, endless demands, loudness, crossing of boundaries and the constant quests for every room to have her as the center of attention, all speak to some sort of personality disorder.

She idealizes Buddy and then trashes him all within 20 minutes. I am often curious at Buddy's past, did he face abuse growing up? It makes me wonder why he is in the abusive dance with her too. One thing with people abused when young is the dysfunctional relationships and even friendships can continue late into adulthood.  This happened to me. Someone taught Buddy that this was how one was supposed to be treated though I think sobriety and probably "recovery" classes are waking Buddy up. I was in a depression recovery and peer group a few years and it helped wake me up to get out of abusive relationships including friendships.

She treats her friends horribly. I feel bad for Ashley and Heather because I keep thinking betrayal is coming girls, unless they remain "mirrors".

I question this show a lot, but sometimes even ask "Why was this person chosen as the example for living happy while fat?" It could be called "My Big Fat Miserable Life." She has a TV show and fame, and you can tell she doesn't feel like "enough" and she has some problems. I think she needs to address. Being super fat can mess people up. You know I deal with some crazy stuff because of it but she's not in a good place at all. 

Fat, sassy and active is possible at stable midsized weights. some of the women at the Fat Ladies Traveling group were midsized and looked like they could maintain a life, though some better focus on weight stability to make sure this does not change. Some were above 300, and probably most likely would face some health issues. 

Rebecca however is near disability, and large enough to be disabled if she is not very soon. I could wear Rebecca's clothing, I have more of a hanging stomach from my fatter past. She looks like she weighs in the high 400s to even low 500s. My last weigh in was 515lbs. Rebecca seems to be a very nice person, and I wish she was the star of this show. 

As people here know I have CFS and complex autoimmune problems most people have never heard of even beyond the Lipedema stage 4.  Yesterday I went to get a blood test, did some gardening --tearing out my cucumber vines that died, two veggie stands, a small estate sale, and cooked curry for dinner. I am exhausted today and in bed, because my swelling got out of control. Add in autism. Autism and autoimmune diseases go together too. 

I am seeing a nutritionist for the extreme uric acid they now think is from a rare inherent condition instead of anything I am eating and focusing now on getting more help. The rehab and clinic thing is complicated. I'm talking now to a nutritionist and others about what I should do. I may need to explore going to a pain clinic. Every time I try to be active at all, the pain gets out of control. The joint and other pain is hurting me. I am being what my brain calls "lazy" right now but laying in this bed has dampened down the pain. It creates this weird cycle in my head that troubles me. There's times I am literally limping at the end of a day.

One issue for me in the size acceptance world, as people here know who have read my much early articles on this blog from the early 2010s, is too many of them denied the health effects of severe obesity.  While I have seen some improvements in this arena, Whitney is definitely still stuck in the old mode. Does being superfat have to be tied to denying reality? Sure I can't stand the diet brokers and fat bigots either but isn't she playing into their hands?

I remember those days still where I told Marilyn Wann on a online message board under another name that I was 700lbs and dying. She invalidated me. I did have many things wrong and I went on to live for 25 plus more years. 

Whitney doesn't know it but she is very close to being disabled. 50 more lbs. and she may not be able to walk. I was very tall, almost 6 feet when young so could carry a lot more weight. I lost a massive amount of height and am only 5 foot 7 inches now. Whitney is short as hell so 400lbs on her, would be equal to 500lbs on a taller person. Whitney's clothes would fit me but would all be "too short". If she is as "wide" as me, she is in big time trouble. I still hold to my theory that she has Lipedema. I could be wrong but I noticed the tell-tale sign of leg lumpiness, though she doesn't seem to have the ankle cuffs, when she attempted to go tubing on her birthday.

Her body is breaking down you can see it, and age worsens this. One thing that is unusual about me is I am into health food, and will not eat processed food, desserts, or "normal American food", I already would be dead. I don't see Whitney eating vegetables, salads or cooked food, but microwaved crap out of cans. How come we never see WHAT she eats? That seems to point to some possible problems with food addiction, we don't know her eating and other habits. If she was open with those, it would help others too. How come she shows no interest in cooking, eating, or nutrition? Whitney could even prove what she eats via her show and talk about weight in a honest fashion. If she has satiety issues and hunger problems she could talk about it. I told my nutritionist, I can stick to regular meals during the day, but I have intense hunger all the time. Lay it out on the table. Why hide everything? If she didn't hide stuff she could either get help for medical problems underlying the obesity, or get help for any would be food addiction. 

Whitney could lose her show, from a health crisis alone, a hurt leg, cellulitis bout, or other health issue. She can't keep up now, and age alone will end all the feigned athleticism. She could end up on a walker too. I think she needs a cane now for balance and to walk around safely, but some may disagree with me. I have watched her at the gym and she seems to do little cardio. I am not in shape, but determined even when I did the gym, that one needed to do a sustained activity for 15-20 minutes at least to get some heart and lung benefits. I don't see her doing this. She does a lot of weights and grunts and pulls but no sustained cardio. That was always strange to me, when they showed her exercise segments.  

She is in denial about how bad of shape she is in. They do this to people in size acceptance world, I used to protest it and HAES. There was a healthism in that world and still is where only the healthy are embraced, I used to tell people in NAAFA at 700lbs I was sick and dying, and they'd get pissed because I wasn't presenting the picture of the happy sassy fat woman. As people know my own history with the size acceptance movement is very fraught with controversy. Don't get me started how the fat and sassy crap doesn't work for those of us on the autistic spectrum.

Whitney is stuck dancing as fast as she can. She would do a service more to other fat people and herself if she got real. I have needed endless medical support to even stay alive this long. You don't want to know how many specialists I see. I have something like 7 doctor appointments in the next month. She actually has more health resources then me, she doesn't have autoimmune disease, she can breathe properly [the gym wasn't even possible for me until I was on a strong enough COPD medicine], she has money, she has a loving family. She needs to go to some damn doctors and therapists instead of playing at being a trainer. She is close to being disabled. When that happens, there will be no more show. She could help a lot of fat people having such a platform. It could have been used for so much better. 

Covid Disciples and their Long Distant Vacations during a "Deadly Global Pandemic"

It blows my mind how the Covid disciples are traveling constantly. Why don't they have any fear of the "deadly virus" as they go to endless restaurants, tourist attractions and more. I have to admit I feel weird about some people now, it has me question them. Can you imagine me saying what is on my mind?  I also have realized how class wise, my life is completely different from these people. My husband lost some work due to Covid. Unemployment is over. Grocery prices have skyrocketed. I am talking about selling stuff off, to prepare. Our medical costs too were very high, and as well as others. 

 I find myself asking "How do they have so much money?" It seems even the middle class and above would be facing some economic pinch by now. I want people to have lives too, and live life don't get me wrong but there is a MAJOR discrepancy here. These people support my rights and freedoms being taken away but go traveling without any restraint or worry. They don't seem to worry about getting sick from a "deadly" virus even now as Delta is supposedly infecting the vaccinated. Haven't the clot shots worn off too? Most haven't gotten their third booster especially younger people.  It makes me wonder that inside they have no fear of the virus, but they love the totalitarianism. This is some major inconsistency. 

Today I was on my Facebook, and saw some people on yet another new trip, this time out of country, where they boasted that the vaccinated were allowed to travel there. They agree with this! I had to literally restrain myself from a snarky comment. These people are more acquaintances. They are traveling like they won the Lotto or something. I feel different about a lot of people on Facebook now, I am kind of fading out there. I have some friends I still talk to there, but being one of the dissenters, I have gone far more quiet. I don't feel the same about a lot of people. They don't understand my life, and they could say I don't understand theirs. The world is burning but lets travel thousands of miles away from home during a plague. 

As I have written the lives of the affluent have not changed, they go party like it's Hunger Games eating at fancy restaurants, still seeing friends and family. The poor among us, no longer have their groups, clubs, and fear even going to their gym out of fear of catching the virus. Our social lives were decimated. Our economic lives are under extreme pressure. I find myself worried that they will try and force the clotshot on the disabled. That's probably next.  I've faced extreme poverty before, in some ways I have mental preparation others don't have. Maybe one new friend who told me I need new friends,  had a point. I am asking why am I around people who support all this? I don't plan to fight or argue with anyone in real life, the Covid disciples are like the Nazis of yesteryear, I have to consider my safety and living in peace especially as this world descends. 

 They have embraced totalitarianism. The wealthy ones, are almost like dancing on the grave of the world, and I have nothing in common with them. If you can afford a vacation right now, and are unafraid of the virus, at least don't support my rights being taken away for refusing a vaxx, that in my personal case would do great harm to me. Also consider the ramifications of bragging about vacations, when some of us feel fear just from going that day to a outpatient lab to a get a blood draw and worrying there's too many people in the room even if they are masked. The joy was stomped out of my life and the lives of others while you "party hardy" and support all our rights and the Constitution being burned to a crisp.

Webwide people are talking about losing. their jobs, I saw a pregnant woman being threatened with being fired because she did not want to put her fetus at risk with the experimental shot. There are atrocities happening to peoples lives today all over. These people won't have money for rent, mortgage food or the other basics of life. Some are not willing to sell their lives and souls down the river for the powers that be. I have already decided I won't become a part of this, even if this means dying of Covid, whatever real virus there is out there, joining the forces that want to experiment on children is sickening to me. 

I have nothing in common with these people. They don't understand my fear. They don't understand [or care] what is happening to millions of people's lives. They don't understand the growing economic despair out there. 

Monday, September 27, 2021

Chronic Emotional Invalidation

Life kind of sucks when you have to hide your true views or emotions to feel safe. I was thinking about invalidation. In my family, it was severe. No one had any respect for my feelings or personhood. In many ways I was completely invisible. There's definitely endless blog posts about their endless rejection on here. 

One thing I have noticed is the constant invalidation from the Covid cult. I'm more quiet now, but there was a period, I was trying to talk to a few people, only to get shut down. There's so few to talk to about this. The Covid cult since it is run by sociopaths follows the same trajectory of how my family treated me. Everyone that questions the leaders or the norms are called "crazy" or "mentally ill". Everyone that disagrees is vilified and lined up for "punishment" of a financial nature for refusing to obey.  No questions or examination are allowed.

People have spoken to me in ways that reminded me of how my family treated me.  This included being looked down on, being patronized, told to shut up and being threatened. There was one guy who when I told him my views on the vaxx, who told me they should throw you down and force it on you. There was only a handful of people I said anything to, but it was all disappointing. There was invalidation there. Don't take my word for things, but one thing common to too many people is they don't research or look into anything. I have been shamed and seen as a bad person for my views about Covid.  My convictions are strong and unbroken but I think about the focus on shame, and how they want to silence and now literally HURT those who are not conforming. 

We live in a society where everything is about status and hierarchy.  I either run the danger of being out right hated or I get the "project friend" pity ploys just from the severe obesity alone. Add in the autism, there's times I used to sit back and observe a group of people and used to think how they fit in so easily. They didn't have to fight to not be an outcast. They could be vulnerable and be "accepted".  I wasn't sure of the formula. I am not abused as much as I was pre-ACON recovery but in my case I became a more quiet and reserved person. That would include the fear of being vulnerable. I used to be a far more open person but not anymore. There is a price for it though, you do feel more disconnected. Measuring words like teaspoons to make sure no narcissists will screw you over for the information they have gathered, kind of blows. It keeps abuse away but it also keeps authenticity away too. 

This also ties to the fact that to deal with my autism, I had to learn to "cloak" long ago, and that involved the suppression of emotions. While neurotypicals can cry in public and have nurturance and no judgment, that's not going to happen for someone on the spectrum. You have to play that out different even for mere survival. The Aspie that lets the "melt-down" be seen by a certain age is going to face a heap of trouble.  I appear muted to people, maybe even "boring" because of this. Some facets of my autism include a very monotone voice and a face that shows little emotional expression. I have noticed whenever I show an emotion or any passion about something it seems to "surprise" people, so put a notch on the "regulation of emotions" issue. It's complicated massively by autism.

 One new friend has told me a few times, "you need new friends" because I tell her how I feel silenced around people in groups I am in.  I find this interesting she says this, and I am listening. Living in an affluent area made all this far harder. I dream of places where I could find "acceptance" and had brief glimpses of it in rare times in life, but I wonder about this. I still struggle with being around people I feel invalidated by.  I try to be a good listener, and hear them out but I've noticed because I don't conform or say the "right things", the [now Zoom] rooms go silent more often then not. They seem unsettled by me even by the most mild of statements. There is always this feeling of "You are too weird" emanating off them. There's always this feeling that I am "problematic"

There was this one lady I used to know at a Christian writer's group in my old small town, who told me a lot that I was a "challenging thinker". I used to take this as a compliment but there was a feeling of unease too, when she would say these things to me either in person or writing, as she repeated this more than once. I think now she was telling me, I "bothered" and "unsettled" her with out being that impolite or direct. She would say this often every time I opened up things a teeny tiny crack. And don't think I did this talking about conspiracy or weird esoteric things, it could happen even with the most minute conversations. It was a way to tell me, "you are thinking too outside the box".

Religion has gotten weird for me, I have so much cognitive dissonance now about it all.

The fundamentalists betrayed me, and obviously I have outlined how that happened in my endless deconversion articles, on this blog but now I feel betrayed by the liberal world. I faced spiritual abuse that was severe in the Christian world, and then I go rejoin the "rational", supposedly "scientific" world of liberalism, and it's betraying me. I feel like a sucker out there protesting Trump, and I still don't like Trump but that just feels like 1984 George Orwell brainwashing like when the crowd screamed Goldstein, as their government was complete evil. Some of the same problems I had in liberalism in my 20s are cropping up this many years later. 

 I'm still in the UU, but wondering if my new politically non-correct viewpoints will drum me out? I had a conversation with husband where I told him, I wish religion had worked out for me at times, maybe I would have still been a Christian if we never had left our old small town. Religion does take some community support to really have it work. There's expected conformity there too where like minded people are supposed to be gathered together.

 Obviously I didn't fit in well with the fundamentalists, I never should have been there. The pastors always got angry at my questions. At least in the UU, there's some mode of freedom of thought even if sometimes some of the political correctness gets oppressive.  How many UUs would be cool with someone wondering if some bible prophecies are true about mammon or the "beast" owning humanity from the inside? I could even refer to some warnings of the Victorian writer Ruskin, and I'd lose them. With religion, to be frank, I am tired of the expectation I must "get it all right" I don't want to be back in that fundamentalist cage and those religious pressures. I figure if there is a God, hopefully it is one of some compassion who can deal with me. It may even honor my rejection of the materialistic world system that wants to destroy our souls. Among the UUs, "different" has more chance of survival, but I can't deny watching them all line up for the Covid narrative hasn't been very painful. It has felt invalidating. People make their own choices but why do I have to be the lone wolf non-conformer. At most I suspect there could only be 2 others who haven't joined the parade and there very easily could be zero. 

I thought maybe I should be one of those people who let's it all hang out. Online, you all get far more of my thoughts then are shared in real life. In my case, this didn't work. I often think to myself lately what kind of person would I be now, if I had the emotional foundation of a loving family that listened and "saw" me? It's brought interesting questions up to me. I have thought too, that the trap of seeking validation through others, is also a path to nowhere. Therapists need to be clear on this especially with abuse victims. 

 It has occurred to me this is another layer of the onion where to be denied this core support at an early age led to a lifetime of emotional troubles and some problems in relationships with other people. While I have some close online and other friends and a loving husband, I don't have the social networks of most people. I'm in this weird place, how much of myself can I show? Why does it feel so unsafe? These thoughts remind me of this old popular book, I read in college, "Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?"

I've become more superficial, and removed in conversation with the majority of people I do deal with. This is where the fear of intimacy comes in. I figure the less they know the better off I am. I lost friends you know from what I wrote on this blog, about Covid and other things. One friend hasn't talked to me in months. To survive mentally now, I try to tell myself to be true to myself, and I got tired of trying to "get people to like me" and quit that game. It's better to be alone then in people pleasing hell.

There's a few online friends and two newer ones I can talk to about stuff, but it's scary how tied this early invalidation was to what I am dealing with now. This is a life where I have felt unheard and invisible in general. Some of us are punished for not conforming. That seems to be a theme of this life. How dare you don't conform! However hiding myself seems like a path to nowhere good. The fear that has been installed is not good. 

Even with this Covid crap, if I was a good little Covid disciple, maybe I wouldn't have lost the friends I did, but I had no interest in supporting these evils. One person told me elsewhere online, I'm one of those people others hate because I see through the matrix. I don't know about that, if you go down "prophet" highway that can put you in a place of insanity and disconnect from others. The family obviously hated me for being a truth teller. I am sure they have all lined up regarding Covid. It's good I am no contact, I am sure the pressure to take the jab would have never ended. 

I found this meme interesting and definitely sums up my life and what I deal with. This is some of the worse to be faced from narcissistic families, the invalidation, where they make you invisible, and deny you personhood and presence. We have to stand up for ourselves and face these fears. I have thoughts like "I am me for life" and "I better be on my own team." 


The Covid Road to Dystopia

The "left' in the USA is done. I'm jumping ship even but don't want to vote for the other side. Now that I want nothing to do with the mainstream "left", life may get interesting at my UU church. Today at a circle talk avoiding the topic of Covid, I said "The left is getting out of control with censorship. Labeling ideas you don't like as misinformation and silencing all dissenters, well that can go both ways. Political correctness is out of control". At least some seemed to agree with the fact censorship is always a bad idea. What would happen though if they all found out what I think of this Covid bullshit? I felt uneasy, most support all of this, I do not. I have to weigh what I can say with being safe. How sad is that? It's a lonely feeling, and there's no sign of it getting better. 

I wrote about what I see coming. https://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2021/09/will-usa-turn-ultra-right-wing-utter.html

They have screwed the working class and poor beyond redemption. No one is talking about what it means for unemployment to have ended. There will be far more homeless people. I'm noticing people "disappearing". I have to write an email and ask what happened to this one guy I knew. I googled obits and didn't see his name. I get the feeling some are disappearing from society getting ill from the vaxx or sinking into poverty or depression. This is happening too often, and it's weirding me out. 

I know rich white liberals who support all this garbage. In my case, most are boomer age though they have well-off professionally employed millennial allies. I can't wake them up. It's a waste of time. Not all of us are gifted at deprogramming cult members. Some of these people I like despite their higher status in society so this has been painful. I'm not into making enemies. I'm laying low in real life, knowing arguing with people is fruitless. They got the whole population so demoralized. They are gaslighting the hell out of us every other second.  There are matters I am confused on, I don't know everything. So much contradicts, it makes no sense. It reminds me of life at home with my family. One thing I am sure of, we are being lied to about a lot. Why trust these people?

Even in the Anti "Covid narrative" world, there's people who believe there's no new virus, and it's just flus, and those who believe there is a new virus, and it brings bad things too, but so do the vaxxes.  Many scientists I read on Twitter who are against the mainstream narrative believe the virus is real and harmful.  One thing agreed upon is something could be wrong with the PCR tests and false positives.  I'm still think there is a new virus of some sort though I'm hearing the other people out. I don't know. I'm still wearing the masks around, refusing to see anyone inside my apartment except masked medical professionals, and maintenance people and not going anywhere except stores and parks.

 I envy the people who don't believe there is any new virus out there, they basically are living their lives and have thrown the masks away. They are still seeing friends, and going places and having their lives. They are far happier.  However husband and I are out there a bit in the world, he's talked to people who were in younger age groups who almost died of something, and a cashier even told my husband she knew three people who died of it. I have asked people if they knew anyone who died where it wasn't someone who was very elderly dying of a pneumonia, and many have, so I still think something is out there. 

That said, there's a point where one can't keep living life in a cage. I think young people because there risks are far less should live their normal lives. I don't think children should be forced to wear masks because their risk is so low. Teachers in the classroom can choose too. Wearing these masks hinders my breathing all the time but the longest I've ever worn one without taking it off is 2 hours. I don't think I could make it any longer. Moving around would be near impossible. I get short of breathe constantly. I'm not going to want some kid to be forced to wear one for 8 hours day. Kids should not be made to wear suffocating masks for a THIRD YEAR, I never supported that because they have so little Covid risk. Now the schools are talking about pushing the experimental vaxx on children, and it's horrific. It's sick to me that a kid has far more chance of heart problems then being hospitalized with Covid and they still want to push it on them.

I tell my husband, maybe it's time to rejoin life for me, I'll keep the mask on for a while, but not seeing anyone is getting weird. It is not good for anyone's mental health. I already had an extremely isolated life for the average person outside of my marriage. At this point there is extreme harm from it. The powers that be don't care about the kids, and they don't care about disabled people like me and what we face.

 I've talked to husband about there being a point where I will have to rejoin life. I pointed it out thusly, I have COPD, and multiple progressive health problems, I am getting older, I don't have a lot of time to play with. Even making it into my 50s, was near miraculous considering I was disabled at 28. Even with Lipedema, I know several people who died very young especially at my stage of it. There's a lot of things wrong with me now that could kill me.  Do I went to have a life and memories or be staring at wall the rest of my life? Is a life spent in captivity even worth living? How many years could this go on? 2 more? 10 more? I understand my husband's perspective he wants to protect me, and I don't want him catching anything either. So I've been in "wait mode" but you know March is going to be 2 years of this. The time is coming where I simply say "no more" despite any risks. 

I just don't understand people who find this all acceptable. They don't get what is happening out there, and how pissed off people are getting. It ranges from the working Mom who comes home to their children crying from having to spend all day in a mask, to the people who lost their businesses and freelance income. There are young people seeing their life forming years being destroyed, and elderly people who are upset knowing their time is short.  Remember the unemployment is gone. My husband lost a big chunk of his income, but unlike others, I can keep the rent paid unless they pull some crap like denying me disability for not taking the clot shot.

The affluent seem to embrace this with no problem, and they don't seem bothered about life continuing this way forever. Some of them enjoy the slower pace. I see some of these better off people go on constant vacations, they see relatives, and go to state parks, and hiking but those of us who don't have thousands of extra dollars to escape the daily grind don't have those options. I was at a group on Zoom, where one woman discussed her trip to Portugal, another talked about an out of state trip to a family Lakehouse. For those who are poorer, there's no change in scenery but the four walls of our apartments. There's no escape for us. There's no one to see. Our social lives are destroyed. Some of us don't have families. Watching them still "having a life", can be painful. Maybe envy is a personal fault of mine, but how could I not feel tinges of the green-eyed monster? How can this not make me depressed when the few pleasures I used to have of going to zine conferences, stamp clubs, day trips, time at the gym, or even just talking to people was all wiped away? If you are waiting for the more well off of society to put a stop to all this. It's not going to happen. The elite are having their maskless parties while their servants are forced to be masked up but even the more affluent mid-levels, upper middle class, and more are keeping this all going. 


I won't even vote for a local Democrat fearing they will help make sure my life is not destroyed by vaccine mandates where a bunch of ableist Nazis, want to ban me from buying food or obtaining medical care for short term gains. Thankfully I am in a more rural county with a lot of pissed off right wing people. It's weird two years ago I was protesting Trump but I am ready to join them at their protests. I haven't yet. I've spoken out online under the Peep moniker, but real life, I fear painting a target on my back. My future social credit score will be very low with my history of blogging and writing against their tyranny.  Some think it is better to lie low, the fascists to be, shouldn't be helped in knowing who you are. I am of two minds, now is the time to speak out but I understand those arguments too. 

The sociopaths are now firing all the health care workers who don't want the vaxx, and now there are major hospital shortages because staff are being fired from their jobs. Is this planned destruction of health care? What kind of stupid people think this is a good idea? Unspoken is the reality that the nurses, doctors and others who are refusing the jab, have seen the side effects for themselves. They don't want it. They've seen the strokes, blood clots, myocarditis, seizures, and worse. Imagine how disabled people and those with serious conditions feel about all this? We may not be able to access the health care we need. There's other conditions besides Covid and now people facing cancer and other problems will find themselves even more in trouble. Funny how they were all heros during the early days of the pandemic but now forced to be fired over a stupid vaxx that doesn't even stop transmission.

This is all supposedly for our health and safety? Give me a break! It's more like they are trying to kill as many people as possible. What do you think is going to happen to all the people who are losing their jobs? Forced compliance to a poison is not freedom but complete evil. It's already shown itself as NOT WORKING so they keep forcing it? If you aren't angry by now, you are asleep. Unemployment is over or these folks will be denied. 

The left in this country is endorsing full racism and hatred of POC and the disabled who are most likely to refuse vaxxes for good historical or other medical reasons. None of that occurs to the people who want vaccine mandates.  ADA [American with Disabilities Act] is dead. No one cares about the people who have a history of anaphylaxis, severe autoimmune disease, organ transplants, etc. They want to shove the clot shot that produces toxic spike proteins on us. There are OTHER illnesses in the world. How many people are dying of cancer from being denied treatment when it counted? I can't stand watching healthy people throw their health away to obey the system. That drives me crazy. 

This is about destroying people's freedom, about digital IDs and vaxx passes. Haven't some of you vaccinated people figured out at this point it's never going to end, that you will be forced to do your own side effects roulette every 5-6 months now? Do you want a Papers Please world?


The destruction to relationships, social community and ties is continuing to ruin our lives. We are under the slow grind now, and they know the longer they drag this out, the more people forget what life used to be. You all know my social troubles, this worsened all of them. If I wasn't married, I wouldn't have anyone to talk to but on some Zooms. All my community groups, I haven't seen in almost 2 years, that includes my stamp club, and all other groups. A few UUs delivered things to my door, but do you think my ties are as strong there anymore? So much has been destroyed, and there seems no end to it in sight.  I am just one person, now imagine this for millions of others. How many bowling leagues, sports teams, stamp clubs, art classes, poetry groups, peer to peer groups, were decimated? Take that all together, society becomes a pale shell of what it was before. George Orwell was a prophet, all those things were gone in Winston's world in 1984

Some of you need to wake up, NONE OF THIS IS WORTH IT ANYMORE. IT NEVER WAS. This has been a money grab and the biggest screw up in history. We need our lives back or at least some sort of life, and happiness and social ties. There is no end to it on this present path. More boosters for the obedient that still allow the virus to be spread and bring the myocarditis, blood clot, spike protein roulette wheel back around for every time? Have any of you ever asked why no scientists ever worked on a cure, or treatments? Sit down and think about that question a bit. The focus has been on these low quality vaxxes that don't even stop the spread of the illness. 

It's endemic, break out the Ivermectin or other treatments, send the scientists back to the drawing board to throw the non-working dangerous shitty myocarditis and blood clot causing mRNA in the trash can and make a traditional vaccine that actually stops transmission and gives immunity. Get rid of the ones at least that produce toxic spike proteins. Tell the Covid Nazis who want all freedoms taken away to can it, and return to the ideals of democracy instead of pissing them away.

Rich liberals can turn on their Zoom and go to the office over the computer while going on thousands of miles trips to state parks, and visiting friends and family, with plenty of space to exercise, hobbies and live in their large suburban homes. Most of them never suffered loneliness or isolation.  Their bills were paid. The working class and poor have been SCREWED over. Hate to tell you, but not that unemployment is gone, this crap needs to end today. Their lockdowns, vaxxes and more have failed.  I believe the virus is real, but what is the definition of insanity, doing the same stuff over and over that doesn't work.

Look around, they are continuing to destroy our lives and strip away every last freedom. 

Michael Moore Stumps for Vaxxes

 Mike Answers All Your Vaccine Fears

This pissed me off:

"7. “I have a medical/health condition that my doctor says I shouldn’t get the vaccine.”

THE TRUTH: No, you don’t. We now know there is no medical condition that prevents you from getting the vaccine. Stop with the “I’ve got a note from my doctor” bullshit. Get the damn vaccine — or you risk the chance of REALLY needing a doctor. Calm down. Relax. We love you. I’ll take you to Walgreens myself and hold your hand for those three seconds. Let’s live. Let’s not kill. Let’s be part of a world we are now going to fix and save. "

All the Covid fighting aside how ableist can you get? Until he has multiple autoimmune diseases, he needs to sit down and shut up. 

You ever wonder why so many of them sell out? He's now working against everything he used to stand for. The Michael Moore of the Roger and Me days was not a Big Pharm bootlicker. I'm noticing some of his readers are appalled too. 

Saturday, September 4, 2021

Will the USA Turn Ultra Right Wing? The Utter Betrayal of the "Left"

The USA could turn ultra-right wing from all this....

That's my prediction, maybe I'm wrong but I still see the Handmaid's Tale coming down the pike in the distance.

Let's look at things...do you think your average Joe Six-Pack is happy with the way things are going? Do you think he liked his small business being destroyed? Do you think he is happy that he is being told to give his children an experimental clot shot?

I believe both of our corporate owned parties are leading us to hell. Those who have read this blog know I have not been happy with the DNC for a long time. Sadly I gave in to the "lesser evil" BS and was more than disappointed this time.

It scares me that now my only allies outside of very few in the holistic/vegan community are right wingers and Christians. Those are the ONLY people refusing this COVID BS and the vaxx. Hey at this point whoever supports freedom is my pal. 

Most of my friends know I am apolitical right now, disappointed in the whole mess: well the friends I have told. I find myself wondering about bible prophecy and more that seems to be coming true now.  I don't want to return to the spiritual abuses and authoritarianism of Christian fundamentalism or the evangelical world. There's no going back in that cage.  Cruel gods who want to send me to hell just give me nightmares. Religion is a soft target of the elites as well. Maybe the "prison planet" people got it the most correct. Who knows?  It's hard to be a religious liberal when most of the liberal world wants to poison me with a gene-therapy shot. 

But personal stuff aside, the "heartland" is growing pissed, they are sick of the masks, sick of the crack downs, sick of the worry. Sure maybe the professional class and some liberal affluent retired boomers and others love all this BS, with being able to work at home in their huge suburban house. However the majority are tired of it all. I live in a more rural/small town area, and I think most here outside of town have decided the epidemic is basically over and just threw the masks in the trashcan and are done. I still wear masks due to high risk, but understand why they made that decision. I've asked my husband how long are we supposed to live like this? He wants me to remain careful given my health problems. I don't want anything to happen to him either.

People are going to vote RED this go around, there's no way Biden will get a second term, and this is going to ensure that even more social safety nets are destroyed, and that uber elite will gain more power and money. The average person will find life to be more cold, cruel and meaner. The Dems are going to be destroyed in the mid-terms, and we will have a Republican president in 2024 if there is any country standing still.

Just imagine if there is a Covid-vax massive die-off, "brain encephalitis"--referring here to the SPARS report, kids die, or sterilization from the Covid vaxx. Which way do you think people will vote? Will it be for the Qs/Trumpsters/right wingers who tended to be more vaxx hesitant, or will it be for the liberals who stopped all reasoning, and bowed before Big Pharm? I'm in a strange position, pissed that it was allowed to spread by Trump and pals and he instigated Operation Warp Speed, and pissed off at the fascist neo-liberals with their vaxx passports and wanting to take everyone's jobs away.

It's obvious that the billionaires ultra wealthy do not want a cooperative society of progress and betterment for all, they want a slave technocracy and are using "both sides" to pull it off. They can use authoritarian religion, for control. Turning the country to the extreme right will make their "dream" even more possible. As for the "left" since they have suspended all human rights for their Covid BS, they are hypocrites of the highest order.


The "FAKE SCIENCE" fueling all this is going to bring a backlash. How do you think real science and progress will fare, as all this develops into a nightmare? Why are there so few free thinkers on the left? Even Noam Chomsky came out in favor of the vaxx. He favors isolation of the unvaxxed too. Do they buy off all these people or something or tell them what to say and not say? It's crazy.  Is this what all the Trump protesting wrought, that just to prove party loyalty one was to stop questioning anything? 

 I support women's issues, lgbt, and safety nets too, but do I want all this with a dose of fascism and being destroyed? Do you all realize how many former Democrats are now horribly disgusted? The DNC has lost those votes forever.  The ADA is gone, and the disability community doesn't even realize it yet.  It's hard to look around at my previous allies, some I even protested Trump with, yes I feel like a sucker now. Some can't wait to send me my unvaxxed "dissenting" self to the Fema camp or bar me from all public life. I've been keeping my mouth shut in many places even for SAFETY.

 I wear the masks due to bad lungs, so I "pass" as a Covid narrative supporter, but I am not. There's no damn way Biden or Kamala is getting a vote from me ever again. I probably won't vote in my case or for other third party, but it's harder to figure out. How do I vote libertarian given they support no social safety nets and disabled people are to be relegated to the gutter? How do I vote Green when THEY too support the medical dictatorship? 

The fact too that the "left" in America has teamed up with Big Tech for all the censorship too, is an assault on all our rights. When I first heard about cancel culture, I thought, "here we go....The elites are definitely making use of "divide and conquer".

Also if the Fake science goes bad, and it could...go check out my twitter [search for fivehundredpoundpeep on there]. See for yourself what some researchers are warning about. It's nightmare fuel with the prion theories, so the ADE where illness increases is the least of it. Religion has it's pitfalls. I think organized religion is so joined with the system, personal faith and religious practices definitely are something different. Most of the Christian churches here are pro-vaxx, but then my UU ran to get their clot shots too, I didn't even have time to warn or talk to anyone. That's a very lonely feeling.

This new "healthism" with doctors as priests never to be question where heretics are the ones who ask question, is a new religion. It's based in the very American focus on beautiful bodies and health proving one's "worthiness". Once this system shows it's failures, there will be a retreat. We have had those are "the most healthy" deemed to be the "most holy" for years.  Sacrifice is taking the "death shot" to the point they don't even care kids are dying of heart inflammation. This society has arrived at a very sick place.

How do you think "the left" is going to fare as the poverty explodes? How is life now for the poor where there's no one going to bat for lower income people? Even the temporary help they gave with Covid is ending this week. The eviction moratoriums are over, the unemployment is ending this week. Most businesses did not reopen. How's that going to go? 

They destroyed the economy with all the lockdowns with businesses going under, in my personal life, I know a few people who have divorced under these economic pressures. As one commenter wrote "Taking someone's livelihood and replacing it with temporary pay that covers a fraction of the loss, is not justice. Safety nets are there to cushion the blow to the unavoidable, not scraps to be handed out after state governments initiate a catastrophe." My husband won't be having some of his freelance work ever come back. We have my disability income and he still has a little income coming in. Many now will have NONE. How's the left going to do when the mid terms roll around? Society has gone down to the level where everything is in service to the uber elite getting more power and money and they are now drunk on it. 

What use is a left that doesn't care about freedom anymore and is ready to drag half the populace to the boxcars? Even the hatred of people on the right with sneering comments about everyone being a Qtard that questions any of this is messed up. I got suckered too, doing the Trump protests, outraged with the right as well, but woke up, because I realized the evil coming from the other side. I still remember when Hillary Clinton, complained about the "deplorables". This classism and hatred for the working class still continues on the left. That is a huge number of the population. Sadly, many of them will probably vote more right wing. The left has nothing to offer them. The right really doesn't either. There may be a few libertarians with integrity who really believe in civil liberties, but sadly, the formula whatever side the pendulum swings too, is that the billionaires get more power and money. Society is now for their enrichment, not the enrichment of the average person. We aren't even allowed to have real lives anymore because of their crimes. 

They have programming for every side. Will we get a left flavor of tyranny, where we are at now? or later a right wing one? The government said "Two weeks to flatten the curve" and now that's just a carrot on the stick. Too many on the left haven't woken up to the fact the vaxxes didn't give them all their freedoms back. 

The unvaccinated will serve as a handy scapegoat to why the leaky weak vaxxes have failed. They are taking society down the chute, using trauma programming. The conspiracy theorists were right, I was right when I was in it and used to say things like right and left wing were poisonous wings of the same bird. The USA technically doesn't even really have a left, but honestly they know how to control and influence every demographic now. All the fair news laws were thrown out years ago allowing Americans to be propagandized and we see the results today. 

 I was right about the "new world order" when a Christian fundamentalist, I used to call the elite "luciferians" then. The more secular can call them evil, rich, power hungry assholes and sociopaths. Some may call them like the gnostics, archon "controllers"--a la David Icke, whatever they are, they are horrible and have no conscience. The digital prison they are building for humanity using body and health is beyond the pale. Usurping the human immune system so one is even more dependent on the system is beyond evil.

I was retracting my conspiracy stuff, trying to be rational and "reasonable". I laugh now about people that tell me I am to trust in the system, and that all these actors have our best interests at heart. Are you kidding me? While a lot of conspiracy stuff is lies, and delusions, I know when I am being gaslighted and what it means when the news constantly contradicts itself or when people make promises they don't keep. When they scream "misinformation" to any questions to shut down discussion, that's based on silencing people. I didn't spend 40 years around sociopaths and malignant narcissists without realizing some of their tricks. 

I wrote some time ago...."I believe this brief period of  "freedumb" is going to end, they will do another lock down." I was right, new lockdowns are beginning where I live. I bet by winter, when flu season comes back, we will all be back on Zoom if the internet is still up. People very likely will be getting sick from the vaxxes with their altered immune systems not up to the job either of fighting regular flus or colds, and sadly they will blame the unvaxxed for the new variants and diseases. 

I get the feeling Trump was like Goldstein in the book 1984, and I was guilty too. :( all of us protesting and yelling about him and focusing on him. It's weird because I posted some stuff about the social engineering of Covid prior to Biden coming in, so my brain was working on a few things before I woke up but look how they got the left to scream TRUMP TRUMP and now they bring in worse evil on the left and no one cares. The French are literally fighting for their right to assemble and live their lives. People forget how much more social a country is like France and when you are barred from the neighborhood cafe, that means being cut off from your friends. It is evil to tell people they can't go into stores even to buy things they need. 

Just notice how many things were conspiracy theories, like vaccine passports that they are doing outright. The powers that be have wanted to tear down the social safety net for a long time. Do you think they will get their wish now after the trillions of dollar clean out from Covid? If we had sane people running the show what could have been done with all the money used on Covid?  Society could have been made better. It's like the trillions wasted in the middle east, proven to be a waste after 20 years in Afghanistan. Why do people trust in these leaders. They've done nothing to earn our trust, especially now with our own bodies and health!

They have changed the left, Occupy used to stand against the corporations, they supported freedom, and now the "left" in America supports full totalitarianism and a biosecurity prison for all. Most got suckered and went with it. So now we got two authoritarian sides and if the pendulum later swings to the right, it will be more of the same. They have desired privatization for decades. Public school was one of our last standing enduring institutions and now even it is devastated. I wrote this myself in early 2020:

"Destruction of Public Education---- A cluster you know what is only weeks away as public schools will spread the disease far and wide. Go read the teacher's reddit, to see how bad things are getting, school opens for most districts this week. Teachers just doing in services with no students in the building are catching Covid and dying. Some schools are still virtual but many are not. You think Covid is bad now, just wait......

Betsy DeVos and pals are pining for the days where they can profit off more charters. Republicans want public education done away with. Uneducated plebes are easier to control. Does anyone find it ironic that so many have been forced to "home-school" by the Republican wannabe theocrats?"

What's going to happen to the health care system as they fire all the health professionals who don't want the clot shot? Hospitals and health clinics are losing tons of business outside of Covid. They probably plan to cash out on the growing misery, and illness, but they will change health care for the worse. The old left used to push for universal health care. Did you notice no one cared about the people who ended up bankrupt from medical bills either due to Covid itself, or due to adverse reactions to the vaxx?  In the early days of Covid when people were happy to get a breather and or a rest, there was talk of changing to society to a better place, where people weren't overworked and where they could have a living wage. All that's been erased. 

They keep changing the goal posts, like this will never be over. The population is already beaten down and depressed. They feel there is nothing to look forward to. The DNC's "good cop" stint will soon be over, for the "bad cops" to come in.  We have been set up for worse. I was fooled by the Covid narrative at the start, I believed them. I am not perfect. Remember my posts outraged with all the people who wouldn't wear masks?  I hope more can wake up. Our real lives are being ruined and threatened here.  My mind changed when I saw the censorship in front of my face. Why were they silencing people who got sick from the vaxx? Didn't they want an honest study? 

I researched the Covid vaxx and was HORRIFIED the FIRST DAY I read the pharm websites. Now I am done with the left too, I am in a very hard place. Most people around me have bought into the narrative. Two weeks to flatten the curve have become almost two years of bullshit, and the biggest power grab ever. 

When I am having midnight conversations with my husband about preparing to flee, if they make the death causing vaxx mandatory, then society has entered a new fucked up point where there may be no coming back from it. I am allied now with the outliners of the right wing [the affluent moderate Republicans here all buy into it] and born again Christians, etc in refusing this garbage. Whoever supports freedom now is my pal. The fascist left, that wants to basically kill me, scares the hell out of me.  I still hate the right wing too, but worry people will simply embrace whatever right wing monster that will outdo Trump on the next go around. These are times where people will retreat into political extremism.

The "left" frankly has lost it.

Even with my UU, with the vegans, pagans, holistic people and nature people taking the clot shot, I was in shock. How could they sign up to have Moderna install an "Operationing System" for their immune systems. Maybe some are scared and silent/lying and there are secret allies but I don't know--everyone talked about getting the vaxx a lot. Since they've all had to mask up again though, I don't see as much happy excited talk about it anymore and have not heard about the boosters.  I know a few vegans and natural health people who have not fallen for it but they are rare.

The "left" is being used right now to get the virtue signaling liberal "professional class" signed on. When the bottom falls out, they will be "useful idiots" via Stalin. They will remove the social freedoms the left allowed them for a short time.

 Think of 9-11 here, they went after "foreign terrorists" on that go around and now it's focusing on "domestic terrorists" basically now anyone who dissents against the government. I warned for years what the NDAA meant for the future when they took trials away from US citizens and named them would be "enemy combatants" for the "homeland". No one cared, and now see where we are. There are right wingers who value freedom too same as left, but I am talking about mainstream right. I believe free speech is going to be gone. They are attempting to criminalize questioning the Covid narrative.

The present day authoritarianism on the left will bring in a far worse authoritarian right, and they definitely will strip out any social services or safety net, or any ideas of freedom. Free speech has already been lost with the censorship. The elite dream of neo-feudalism with extreme technology. What will we lose next?