Saturday, December 19, 2020

Locked Down Life

Covid is not doing good things to me. I haven't caught it as far as I know, but it's not doing me any mental health favors. I didn't leave the apartment for a week, but then went out thinking, I need to walk somewhere, maybe take a few pictures.  I tried this one sidewalk that parallels a park in my town, thinking it's 35 degrees [just warm enough for me] who's going to be out there?

Every time I find an empty spot to walk, other humans pop up out of nowhere and it's always me running away while they always walk too close.  The edges of a panic attack lapped at the edges of me and it was Aspie meltdown time, and I started saying out loud like Doc Martin on crack against that dog who annoys him, "Go away!" I don't know if anyone heard me, hopefully the passing by cop didn't. There was one point I thought "Maybe if they think I am crazy, they will stay farther away then the prescribed 6 feet". I had to race away from so many people, I gave up and walked in the street instead of the sidewalk. I had a surgeon's mask on which I can now wear walking but still can't do that with the KN95s.

Of course as I walked back to our car that was parked, down the road, one of those ex-friends "fake Christian mission" friends drove by me in her car. She just stared, no wave or anything. According to her Facebook, she's had no problems visiting people, going to a big city on a trip with her family and held two parties during the early months of Covid. Both were held outside, so she didn't break the law, but the pictures of people all hugging each other while mask-less floored me. Maybe she's the smart one with tons of friends and family members with a strong inability to feel fear that has left her impervious to Covid. I don't know. I have had so many people tell me about taking trips all over the place, seeing family and friends, I wonder if I am insane. Maybe I am jealous they have so many friends and family to see. 

I'm a complainer, not a cool Midwestern stoic. I can go distract myself with art and go down fantasy lane, I have comics and graphic novels to read but this Covid stuff, has lasted too long. I bought 10 Roberta Gregory comics  "Naughty Bits" dating from 1999-2002, and it was like reading a snapshot in time. Bitchy Bitch fought her mean bosses, and narcissistic uncaring rich mother, and worried about breast cancer and split up with a boyfriend but it was interesting reading about 9-11, and you can see how stupid America got 20 years ago and track the descent. In one panel Bitchy is commenting how humanity is going to destroy itself with plague. Ironic.  I laughed a lot at the comics so at least they gave me respite. 

My patience has worn out. If only I was a thin waif who could lay in bed, and sleep the year away. My worries about mobility forced me outdoors today among all the disease carriers. Yes it's bad that in my mind I have words like "disease carriers" for other humans. Maybe that's not a good thing. On the way out, the mailman this time with a mask, and a neighbor with a mask, were in the foyer, I talked to both of them and felt safe enough and stayed 6-7 feet away but any conversations with people outside of my husband are very rare. It's done weird things with my autism, like the vanquishing of all social skills.

 As you all know I've had to dodge the maskless neighbors. One guy approached my husband as I got into the car and took my mask off, as my husband was getting in. At least this guy was 15 feet away on the other side, but I put my mask back on immediately. My husband had to calm me down a few minutes later when I said, "These damn people shouldn't walk up to you not wearing a mask!" My husband said, "He was way over there!".

My struggles with OCD are back. OCD is actually something I thought I had near almost total recovery from. I still checked things like the oven and faucets, and lights but it was a quick glance, now the staring and counting is back. With Covid, if someone unmasked gets too close to me during one of my once to twice a week sojourns out, I think about it, and wonder if I caught Covid. I can't help it. I bordered on germ phobia for years, and had handwashing issues as a teen and in my early 20s. It all went along with the narcissist fueled anxiety disorders I struggled with for years. Some people used to find it extraordinary that someone as disabled as me, showered every single day, and refuse to re-wear even one item of clothing. People on my Facebook can probably see the OCD breaking through as I complain about maskless people and wonder if I should leave the apartment at all.

 I am so scared of losing my mobility. I'm not able to walk around like normal, there's no shopping, there's no exploring, there's no doing stuff. I fucking hate this. In a normal thin person's case, that's not going to destroy their life. So I go outside bad lungs and all, just wanted to walk a short way, to make sure I still can but when you live in apartment, and don't have a yard or health to go to real hiking places or the real woods, there's too many people to dodge. I even fear not being able to get in and out of cars anymore. I exercise at home, marching in place for 15 minutes, every couple days, I probably should do more, nothing ever feels like enough. 

Two weeks ago, I had two dentist appointments, and he had a surgeon level air cleaner in there and he is a dentist that takes precautions, and my 4 cavities were fixed, but there were nightmares for days wondering if I caught it. I have a teeth cleaning soon, and am hoping it will be cold enough to cancel or delay it.  My rheum blood tests and kidney scans are due to January. It used to be a friendlier warmer month prior to Covid but everything got delayed.

Some local people told me that the Outpatient clinic I do all this at has been turned into a mild and moderate Covid treatment center. Now I am too scared to go over there. I am supposed to see the eye doctor too and haven't in a year in a half, but now as Covid is rapidly spreading here, I'm scared. It's a big office with tons of people going through there, The  place is run like an assembly line. I may cancel it too hoping that my diabetes hasn't started to do anything to my eyes. A mammogram is a year and half overdue as well.

I live in a religiously stupid redneck state, now trying to become "Alabama of the North". We have enough urban folks and people of color to just err on the side of blue, in elections, but the rural areas are bad. The state supreme court here removed the Democratic governor's rules, she turned to the health department to force Covid mandates as Covid started to rapidly rise, and now they want to remove those rules. As I showed in the last article, the majority of the people I went to high school with are screaming for everything to be opened up and against mask mandates. 

With the vaccine, because of my health problems, I am willing to take it but am waiting a few months to make sure there's no bad side effects. I am scared of the new mRNA technology doing weird things when it comes to severe autoimmune disease, there's also the problem of allergies and my history of severe allergic reactions. 

 The "no fear" from Covid now ex-friend and other lemmings, keep writing things like God is good on their Facebook walls, I want to throw up. God, if it were to exist should be fired at this rate. I was happier for some time and felt eager about life and looking forward to things. I guess I never learn, that's the time I will be squashed and everything will be broken, it's how things always have worked. Find a group of friends or a place to belong, some outside force always breaks it up. The locked down life. It should be a theme. Locked in my room as a child, locked down from doing stuff from no car or money for too many years. The theme of being thwarted, locked into a box, was it too much to ask to have a few peaceful years to enjoy whatever time I got left with my husband? 

I was enjoying the UU, going to stamp clubs and because we had a better car wanting to take some day trips.  There's no one to talk to. The migraine headaches are raging again and those are back too.  Everyone else's life sucks and no one wants to hear your complaining. There's people I am scared for, I care about. All the single people living in solitary confinement, if a year is putting cracks on my edges with someone daily to talk to who lives with me, what have their lives become? What about the people who have no jobs or no unemployment, who may live in red states where unemployment is 150 a week or less? We were used to living on nothing what about average people who pay in rent or mortgage what I live on for an entire month? Trouble will come for me if Social Security collapses but for now I am better off on some secure income. What about the people who have lost loved ones? Widowed by this crap or who have had children get sick? Watching those without empathy do their thing has been revelatory to many of us. America cried about 3,000 in one day but doesn't give a shit about 300,000 in less than a year.

I live in the ultra Christian Midwest full of the reticent and stoic, where no one talks about problems, they hide them. I have a husband and online and long distance friends I can be real with but around here on various Zooms [my only social contact] there is this constant pressure to be "positive".  There's no opening up around anyone anymore. The word of the day is REPRESSION.  I am positive too, and put the fake smile on my face but the neurotypicals can see my CPTSD thousand yard stare peeking through. I have gone very silent outside the internet and very few friends. In polite company telling people, America is crashing and burning and announcing they have ruined our lives doesn't go over very well. Just like 20 years ago during Bush's bullshit, we are expected to accept Trump's as normal. 20 years ago Republicans were ruining our lives and that has not changed. They grew stupider and meaner. You won't see "across the aisle" kumbuyah crap here. I want nothing to do with the Nazis who have ruined our lives. I protested their wars and now I protest their stupidity. There's a point where kissing evil and stupid butt becomes simple enabling. 

I still have some moments of happiness. A disability group helped me to get a phone to overcome the increasing deafness via a grant, where I can Live Caption people. Yes my hearing got that bad, and that was the backdrop of some of my stress, that I lost more hearing. A lot of people stepped up like fellow UUs to help us too for shopping and other things. My refuge with my husband and in sleep, hobbies, art, television and internet are still there. My husband has stayed strong and been a great support. I think about what is happening and the insanity is beyond the pale. None of this had to happen. Millions of lives ruined, now with 300,000 dead, and 12 million possibly facing homelessness, and the Republicans want as much suffering as possible and a Orange hair man who commits overt sedition and did this to us is still supported by half of a very dumbed down population. Maybe we knew 20 years ago how bad it would get? 

Friday, December 18, 2020

American Breakdown: Extreme Religion and Pressure is Ruining People's Thinking

Americans in general may be cracking up from a society that demands everything and gives nothing. The economic disenfranchisement, social disconnection, inability to make a decent living, constant fear and threats is taking a massive toll on the human psyche and Americans are cracking up. The fist fighting and shootings in the streets is getting out of control. Sadly I bought into the lies of Christian fundamentalism  and conspiracy and am having to clean out my brain. I never became Qanon, but I am still working through layers of repairing my own thinking and testing beliefs. When I speak of conspiracy here, I do not deny that some nefarious plans and plots happen, but there's a lot of nonsense out there, and it's growing.

Yeah read some crap like this and I think "Yeah people are cracking up" My fundie churches and websites taught me "aliens were demons" too and don't get me started on the whacked out Christian Nephilim believers who have overlaps in beliefs with the Ascension/Alien Disclosure people. Last week on a Facebook medical support board, with all the women on there talking about how they were actually aliens not born on this planet because of their health problems, I wrote "Look evolution and our bone structure makes it clear, humans are from this world!"

I may be autistic with multiple health problems and not fit in but it doesn't mean I come from another planet or galaxy.

"I am not your Indigo Child because I have autism!". What is weird, there was this woman on that same board, who advertised her health board for those on the autistic spectrum and I went over there, and it was Qanon city---"Trump lost the election due to fraud, the new world order pedophiles will be locked up..., etc. etc.  Sigh. The same craziness that took over the fundamentalist world has taken over a lot of holistic health world. 

Autistics seem to be a target of the woo peddlers to the extreme. Why is this? Exploiting all the desperate parents who want their autistic child to be normal at any cost? There's weird theories I see popping up in the Lipedema world too, to go with all those extreme diets. The autism lady was talking about Lipedema too and saying our special DNA saved during us during famines. If that's true, they can have it. I'd rather be skinny and starving. 

Manipulating people by telling them they are the few in the know, is a definite technique out there!

One thing I am worried about is Qanon stuff through the New Age wellness and holistic community. I saw a autism page on here that had tons of praise for a certain right wing politician and extreme Qanon beliefs. Some of the stuff seemed racist too like when they wrote white people and smarter autistic people had more Neanderthal blood and were "born hunters".  They presented these beliefs as scientific. I was horrified.

"A new Paradigm and way of thinking, such as, separating humans into genetic types i.e Born Hunters, needs a new way of looking at the research we have already and how to relate it to any new insights.

In the last decade Scientists have extracted and sequenced DNA from bones found in the Neander Valley in Germany, Neanderthal bone DNA can be translated as 'New Man' bone DNA. There is Scientific Peer Reviewed research stating most modern humans outside of Africa have 1-3% Neanderthal or New Man DNA."

There's the ascension and disclosure people [see] who believe autistics are Indigo children and aliens not of this earth. Evolution points to the very earth oriented origins of human beings. Of course anti-vaxx stuff is a given.  I meet a lot of Australians online who seem to believe this way on these boards. It's not just conservative and evangelical Christians going down Qanon, extreme conspiracy highway, but New Agers, holistic medicine participants, and the wellness community.

I don't trust a lot of alternative health advice. Years ago I got into naturopaths, herbs, etc, in my case to stay alive even though this was contrary to the advice with many in that world I stuck by modern medical care too. None of the alternative health stuff worked. I tried acupuncture, colloidal silver, ear candling, [I never believed in homeopathy], herbs, and other alternative health stuff, and it all failed.

ALL of the naturopaths misdiagnosed me including one medical psychic in Chicago. I saw several naturopaths who never got my endocrine problems correct or Lipedema either. Some herbs and foods were good don't get me wrong for nutritional value and some foods will clear water off the body like parsley, but it's not the same as taking Lasix. All this stuff was an expensive path to nowhere.

I am not a Christian anymore but do blame Christianity for bringing me into conspiracy. I consider liberal Christians who support social justice allies, like Barber, so yes I know there are Christians who don't fit in the crazy camp but at least where I live, liberal Christians are rare, everyone from the Catholics, Lutherans, mainline evangelical etc.  are on the Trumpster wagon and against masks.

 Society has reached a point of complexity where belief in religious fairy tales, is destroying belief in science. I am surrounded by anti-maskers, to the point that when I came home yesterday, when I was sitting in the car, there were 4 people in the foyer of my apartment building without masks. None of them believe Covid is real or is overhyped.   

 Anti-maskers and "open up" types are at least 50 percent of the people I live around. Our hospitals are going over the cliff too and the idiots are still crying for everything to "open up".

Some people think it's only the hardcore fundies like the independent fundamentalist baptists I left behind who are anti-mask, and rejecting science, where I live--- I would estimate 50% of the population locally rejects the reality of Covid. On almost every local comment board dealing with Covid, most are clamoring for everything to be "opened up". Our hospitals have gone over the cliff, and now are warning that if you have a heart attack, or other problems, they don't have space for you. ICU beds are at 0 percent in Southern California. 

Religion is breaking people's thinking in America. One major problem with religion is it does promote magical thinking. The base of faith is believing things without "seeing it" and without evidence. This is a damaging proposition in modern times with the challenges we face. Spiritual exploration, is a positive but where humanity gets in trouble is dogma. The problem now too is adherence to dogma not based on reality is directly putting our lives at risk!

 Christopher Hitchens was right when he said "Religion poisons everything". Liberal Christians who believe in science too are a MINORITY now, in many regions of the country. I am old enough to remember when United Methodists, Lutherans and most Catholics accepted the basics of science--this is not true around here anymore[bible belt of the Midwest] The local Catholic church even had an antimasker sign up telling people to go to Mass for months. 

Fear is rife in America the whole country seems embroiled in a PTSD response. It shuts down rationality. This is a part religion preys on especially toxic religions that invoke hell to keep you in control. The manipulation in America is so immense, with propaganda and more, people are shutting down rational thought. With Covid alone, how many inside are in a freeze or flight scenario?

As I have written about before, my own jumping into fundamentalist Christianity was based on trauma. I almost died [more than once] I went deaf, I experienced extreme poverty with no resources and had scary stigmatizing health problems where no help was forthcoming for many years. People can retreat to fantasy when so overwhelmed, they can't think critically anymore. It happened to me. My thinking got broken. 

In desperation I ran to the myths about God helping and caring. Reality bit me on the ass instead. As hospitals implode, reality is going to take a chomp out of many people. What scares me is as the death numbers skyrocket, so many simply don't care even now. 

 I went deep into conspiracy to try and make sense of a world, examining patterns that had gone mad. This is basically is what is happening to people on a societal wide level. Why do you think people are going for Qanon or becoming more hard core Christians? 

Someone asked me on a message board, dealing with ex-Qanon people and those dealing with Qanon relatives, what got you out of conspiracy [and fundie religion]? I gave them this list [edited for conciseness] as for the reasons I got out.......

"1. Leaving and deconverting from fundamentalist Christianity. Prayer was never answered, I got tired of false spiritual answers and given a model of life that didn't exist for a disabled low income person. Christianity wrote checks that reality could not cash. I would shut down my conspiracy blog when I left fundamentalism, I had maybe a three week flirtation with liberal Christianity and decided I didn't believe any of it anymore. I returned to the UU as a non-Christian.

2. The Trumpsters made me disgusted with the conspiracy world. Watching 99% of the conspiracy websites all go for Trump bothered me. I was sickened years before that over the increasing racism and nationalism.

I always thought Alex Jones was a fake. I wrote even against him on my conspiracy blog. Why did all the conspiracy people match from Rense to the rest of them? Why did they push the same stupid Republican politics, or alt-right for those who thought the Republican party was "deep state" or NWO.

3. Library book reading. I am disabled and have more time to read, this includes being in bed a lot from severe rare diseases. Part of the library reading list included  books on Climate Change, that proved the case it is real--saw evidence in my own life, evolution, science, paleontology, biology, psychology, sociology and more. My desire to educate myself was life long. Over the long haul it destroyed a lot of what conspiracy theorists and religionists were telling me.

4. Moving away from a psycho fundie town [it is actually known as a center of the alt right] Being out of that bubble helped. Even all the New Agers there had bought into conspiracy. I knew people who never went to doctors and only naturopaths. One friend who was in the New Age went off, all blood pressure meds because modern medicine was no longer to be trusted and died of a stroke. Where I live now is way too religious and conservative but it is wealthier and there are more educated people here.

5. I always have been progressive, I hated the Republican party. Being on a fixed income, the boot strap crap isn't going to sell. I protested war even as a fundie. I voted for Obama secretly as a fundie, because I thought all the Republicans would cut my Social Security so I had two competing sides. Even as a fundie, I did environmental volunteer work that my church mocked and once told me, "God is going to give us a new earth".

So the conspiracy bullshit about America being the light of the world didn't sell with me. This also put me at odds with a lot of conspiracy people. Capitalism and it's limits directly affected my life. So when conspiracy people whined about socialism, I used to think this place sure as hell needs more of it especially when my husband had job lay offs, and I entered my late 40s and then early 50s, knowing things were never going to get economically better.

Their answers were bullshit and their refusal to see what was happening to Gen X [I am in my early 50s] on down pissed me off. My husband works in gig employment laid off from newsapapers. I did not have proper medical care or health insurance even in my 20s. Ever met a liberal conspiracy theorist? They do not exist. That world in other words pushed me out. 

McGowan kind of bordered on it, but died [but still believed in absurd stuff like moon landings being fake.] The guy who wrote the Rigorous Intuition blog seemed to be on the edge of liberalism, but Trumpsters took over his blog discussion board anyhow.  I was a rare bird in a world I did not belong.

On the conspiracy Christian blog, I was coming to weird conclusions and even wrote on there most conspiracy is propaganda, and most churches are for societal control. Why would I stay in a system I considered abysmal. It was like I was digging myself out too. It is hard to know what to trust especially in this society of lies.

6. Going no contact with my majority Trumpster family that preached religion [uber Catholicism] and extreme bootstrapper politics. Adult children of narcissists recovery. Refusing abuse, and being done with those who abused and put me down for being disabled and lower income. I became educated about narcissists and sociopaths and how they operate. That alone tore the veil off many of the gaslighters. Self empowerment that saved me from the clutches of religion and abusers.

I still struggle with some areas, the programming was strong with. This Covid crap has not helped. I didn't get to enjoy my reintroduction to reality very long.

Its weird for me now to see so many people getting into the conspiracy thinking. One thing about me when I was a conspiracy theorist, I kept my mouth shut about it in the "real world" because I knew it was weird and did not "fit in" with these new conspiracy types, they spout off, having gained mainstream acceptance in their conservative circles.

One guy wrote that  "the pervasiveness of information is overwhelming many people's ability to cope." He is right. There's too much to deal with. The world has reached a level of complexity that many people can't deal with. So many horrible things are happening where the basics of making a living are under a threat, where one worries about everything from school shootings to terrorists threats, people are cracking up. Add to this that since the boomers all left home and Reagan came along, people don't have stable economic lives anymore, they don't have strong social networks and that capitalism has made it so everyone is on edge, always having to "fight to survive". Even the middle and upper middle classes, have to constantly produce or be on the outlook out from not being knocked off their higher place. In other words, don't get sick or have anything bad happen, because it means poverty and destitution awaits.

Chris Hedges is right about the liberal social class, the intelligentsia basically telling the poorer and working classes to go to hell.

One reason I fell into fundamentalist religion, was noticing the NPR listening wealthy even liberal boomers, didn't give a crap about my severe health and economic plights. Part of me was entranced then with the religious messages about a more simple and wholesome life.  I believed their answers would make life better, they did not. Even now I have uncomfortable feelings about wealthy mostly older liberals refusing to face the facts about class and the growing poverty and economic destitution. They advance a world that no longer exists of comfortable secure homes, vacations and progress. Don't they get that progress is over when half the population doesn't believe in basic science?  Wake up, the 1980s are over with.

I vote Democrat, but write all the time how the Democratic party has betrayed me and millions of others and it's true. While many Democrats protest class issues even wealthy ones, many things are papered over, this needs to change. 

Sadly the majority of the conspiracy and conservative set, has internalized their oppression and decry "socialism", unions, and anything that HELPS society. They have internalized the Republican messaging of Social Darwinism, and the "survival of the fittest". This means even if their own suffering is on the line so be it. Just look at poor people who vote Republican, there's plenty of them. There's a weird pride in suffering. It's sick. Now they reject basic pandemic precautions, even death isn't enough of a deterrent. I've had dark thoughts that America has a built in death-wish now. Life has become so miserable, overwhelming and scary, maybe there is a self destruction theme advancing the cause of the anti-maskers. Inside they do all want it all to fall down. Capitalism has ripped them to shreds and they want it all to burn and crash. 

                                         Anti-vaxxers don't trust doctors.

Why are the Covid mandates not being accepted? While narcissism is fueling a lot of the lack of empathy, people don't trust the experts. That's it in a nutshell. The intelligentsia above that abandoned the poorer classes, don't realize as people became more disenfranchised, and got no answers to fix things, they turned against multiple institutions. I faced this myself, where I was told one thing by teachers, academics, scientists, doctors and others, that life would turn out one way, and it did not and that it was "all my fault". Failed expectations was the catalyst to turn away.  My poverty separated me from the "reasonable" as I was cut out of their world of hope, science and technology. Has this happened to others?

I tried to fix things but was unable. Look at millions of people having the bottom fall out and a slow crash, and experts provided answers that did not work on the economic front, people have shut their ears now even to basic scientific information meant to save lives. In a world that no longer makes sense, people look for patterns and whys and wherefores. It makes conspiracy and religion attractive, to provide explanations.  I still struggle trying to figure out how "it all went so bad". I was a conscientious young person. I wanted answers, and I went looking for them.

Religion supposedly can then come into pick up the pieces. It's another trap of control but people don't realize this. The soothing bliss of a gold filled heaven awaits. Jesus will return and fix everything. The planet may burn and the oceans die but God will give us a new planet. Some New Agers await "disclosure" and others believe they are "not of this world" because this world has become so horrible to them. Think about that.

People want to feel some control, they want some help, they want a feeling of safety from the abyss. Much of evangelical Christianity lies to people now, telling them Covid is not real, that it is just a flu, and God will protect you from germs. It's like these Christians are doubling efforts to prove reality is not real, as they hold super-spreader events like Kirk Cameron's latest:

Denial won't protect any of these people from getting sick.

Narcissism, also has people go into denial. For any of us ACONs, did any of our narcissistic parents live in reality? Some of us would beg them to listen to us. A major part of gaslighting was simply lying about what was happening. That's coming from multiple fronts. They ignore reality and tell you to shut up as they craft their own and expect you to adhere to it. Trump's blathering about "fake news" was just a narcissist projecting. They think they are "special" not one of the riff-raff. Kirk Cameron believes he is one of God's "chosen" and not a lost person who will get sick. Narcissists don't deal with actual reality, that takes introspection. The narcissist epidemic is going to cost lives too. The narcissism of Christianity "we are so blessed and the chosen and you are 'lost scum' only deserving of death and hell" has come roaring out of the closet.

Desperation has people running to comforting myths. Christianity gets more radicalized and extreme. Have you noticed all these conservative churches care only about the world that comes after? Along with the self destruction I mention above, it's like people have totally given up on this life and THIS WORLD and are embracing myths instead. I am not sure what the answers are. Things need to get better. People need to return to facing reality. We need a society of cooperation and hope again. That much is sure if we are to survive. I hope others can think about the traps, that are too easily fallen in. This world is not an easy place but fantasy isn't going to fix things either, it's destroying us. If you think the world has gone psycho, it has. You are not alone. 

Update on this: Obviously some of my views about Covid had changed. One mistake in life, never stop listening to people even ones you disagree with. The conservatives warning about problems regarding Covid did have truth to their statements. 

Friday, December 11, 2020

The GOP: The Sedition and Dictatorship Party


I unfriended a lot of Republicans. I found myself wondering if any of them would come back and apologize but I doubt it.  Maybe if the country collapses, and the bodies pile up on the street corners or there's no more government that is actually elected, maybe one or two will think back to what I used to talk about. Why is open sedition and such evils supported by half the population? They don't care about democracy, they want to "own the libs" and want to dominate, and now America is in in big time danger. I don't know if Biden is standing down, hoping to avoid worse troubles from the crazies.  I am giving him the benefit of the doubt for now, but I worry, because you see, I have seen toxic sociopaths get their way far too often. They don't care about lying, cheating, or doing what it takes and they always have lots of brainwashed followers to help them. 

Questioning Forgiveness


Telling People to Forgive is Gaslighting in Disguise.

I don't believe in forgiveness as taught in major religions, from Christianity to the New Age movement  It often is an enabling of evil where the abused and victims are the ones told to stand down while excuses are made for unrepentant evil doers.

 It's another way for people to be told to submit and has a lot to do with status quo and the support of domination in human society where all the onus is on the oppressed to bow and lick the boots of their abusers. 

 When I stopped letting others tell me what to feel more healing came. When I was allowed myself to feel my emotions, life became more balanced. Forgiving sociopaths/malignant narcissists and other toxics, is the soonest way to get re-offended against. Squashing your own emotions does not lead to healing. 

So many people are tired of being told to ignore and repress all my feelings in religion and other places. Time and no contact will heal, but fantasies about forgiving people of no conscience, all you do is open yourself up to nonsense.