You have a online friend, and you share many good moments together, you joke, you talk about personal things, you share art with them, they share poetry with you. You may share personal problems and other things, and then suddenly they get angry at you. They tell you that you are a great person and they love you. You hope it is true, you like them, they are interesting and smart. Was I loved bombed? Now I think so.
They have shared problems with you some even far worse then yours but suddenly yours are too much for them. You don't know what you did wrong. Suddenly they close you out. They do it slow and low, saying things like "lets take a break" and sticking to the weather. The freeze-out was immediate.
They do the polite dance steps. Along the way, you have noticed something is wrong with the stories they are telling you, something doesn't add up. The medical things and other things sound weird and don't make sense, why have they only show you a picture from 1988 and you showed them up to the minute photos on Facebook? You notice when you disagree with them they seem angry. You didn't mean to upset them but you know you can't denounce Jesus Christ to make someone happy and agree with them that the Bible is fake and full of errors. You told them you were a Christian on the first day, so that gets weird. It's not like you made your beliefs secret.
Something seems fishy. Internet relationships can be complicated. You aren't seeing the person in real life. Was I catfished I wondered? Well catfishes are usually romance types but I wonder if it can be done with fake platonic friendship. Why else did someone befriend me, get me to open up and bare my soul to them only for them to dump me once they emptied my brain out? Do some people enjoy playing games? Were some enemies trying to get the goods on me? What else is there to find out? I have an entire freaking blog, detailing the woes of my life. Am I paranoid for thoughts like this? Stranger things have happened to people online.
I know now while I have some good friendships online, one friendship is a few years old but I've seen dozens of pictures of her, and she is real, a few are over 12 years old in duration, and I had my good friend from years ago who I was friends with for 17 years who died. I have to be more cautious about who I meet online and who I bare my soul to. The person in question even told me they were a fellow Aspie. Well I went down that road before with one blogger I parted ways from.
This stuff hurts, it really does. My deceased online friend told me if you can find one person you can trust in this life time then you are more fortunate then many people. I know what she means now. Why are people like this? So fake? I would rather someone tell me to go to hell then give me the stupid freeze outs and fake crap. It hurts bad. I cry over all these people who couldn't give one crap about me. What gets me is the stuff I ignored. I knew something was wrong but I wanted things to be true. Well at least this time I only wasted 6 months instead of 4 years or 30 years like with the college friend. I broke it away first. She was freezing me doing the cold polite thing. I could feel it. My intuition is usually proven correct. I wanted to be wrong. I wasn't.
Sometimes a person feels unlovable with this crap. Like everyone hates them and they must be a bad person that everyone should hate. I am too sensitive. If not for my husband and good friends where would I be? I need to talk to a therapist. Dear Therapist why do people hate me? I have analyzed every bad fault. Ok I complained too much. My depression got the better of me. I sent cards, I tried to be a good friend. I wanted to know sincerely how they were doing. I did CARE. Okay does that mean I suck and should be vanquished to pariah hell forever? Maybe it's not me. Maybe some people just hate me out there just because they want to. Maybe they hate my personality, the spark of life. Maybe it's religious division the Bible warns about.
Sheesh this has been a very hard week.....
You all will see why with the next article too.
Sorry you had been catfished. :( Based on the way you described your old catfisher, it sounds like you probably dealt with a man who claimed he was a woman or something. I had a catfisher named Gabriela years ago who claimed she had a horrible, stage 4 cancer, who knew an actor since they were classmates, and who was sexually abused by her wealthy parents when she was sick. She claimed she met an actor who rescued her when she was six. Then she conned me for money by claiming that she was a victim of domestic violence who was unable to get out. I gave her money to help her out when it hurt me financially. I had to cut her out of my life when she started to abuse me verbally online.
ReplyDeleteWhen I showed authorities my chat transcripts, they said it sounded like I was talking to a man instead of a woman. :o I also noticed that men would pursue women to love bomb online and then discard women who did not meet their narc supplies. I wonder if you meet a narc online. I hope that catfisher will leave you alone. You might need to change your phone number or something.
Sorry you had a bad week. You probably dealt with a man who claimed he was a woman. Maybe these pictures of a woman in 1988 was his mother who had died since 1988 or his dead wife or sister.
I think we learned our lessons so we will be careful when we meet people online in the future.
I wonder if it was catfishing too. They seemed to want to wiggle into my mind, while I felt bonded to them obviously they did not with me. When things did not add up at least I kept part of myself standing outside so less damage was done. It disturbs me this happened because I have been so betrayed in other areas. One asks "What did I do wrong?" I know they were not happy with some of my viewpoints, something I do not understand about people who threw people over the side of the boat for things like that. I also tire of people who do not honestly share and do freeze outs and more. I got withholded enough from by the likes of my mother, the last thing I want is fake politeness and lies.
DeleteIn this case, I do not think it was a man, because I heard a woman's voice on the phone but I know this has happened to people who have kept the relationships to PM or online emails.
I am sorry Gabriela claimed abuse and gave you stories for false bonding. This is how some of these people will wiggle into your mind. I am so sorry your generosity and desire to help a friend was abused by this sociopathic Gabriela. :(
I had a friend for 20 years that I still miss to this day. The relative coldness she had was overlooked by me for the longest time, and I censored my speech and behaviour around her. At some point I crossed the line, I must have, for she will not be my friend anymore. I know this and I still miss her. It doesn't make any sense.
ReplyDeleteI had people "change" on me and never would tell me why. I know some of these changes earlier in life, would be as the result of smear campaigns by narcissistic relatives. One friendship I know that ended definitely was at the hands of a narcissist we both mutually knew. I used to see an entire room of a group I had been happily in for years all beckon for her attention and it still disturbs me to this day. My friend did not believe me and my trust was gone because of disloyalty. I was starting to censor myself around that friend, she seemed outraged by different beliefs even one's I positively voiced and seemed to want me to change. I do believe once we start having to censor ourselves a friendship is doomed for failure. I am sorry this happened to you. I feel a bit burned by people's coldness lately. It's like they have no feelings. The ones who don't even care enough to tell me off, well they are like ice queens or something. The fake polite crap hurts more.
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