It still boggles my mind how there was no humanity shown there. People will tell us narcissists are "human" too, and that is technically true but maybe mine were just so extreme. Even the cards full of denial and the cold appearance driven "politeness" nauseated me to the very end. You could tell everything was a calculation. They can't show emotions like other people and everything is about how they "appear".
I would see the rages, but even those were calculated and could change with someone walking in the door. One time she gave me a $300 roast pan, and told me how much she paid for it, it was weird, I thought and wondered why someone would even need a roast pan of that caliber steel, 18-10 or something like that. I remember I was careful not to mention that I felt that it was too much. She said she couldn't lift it thats why she gave it to me. She bought a roast pan she couldn't lift? Who would do that? Oh, to be showy.
ReplyDeleteShe didn't want it or need it, and I have trouble lifting it myself. Put a turkey in that thing and its torture to get it out of the oven. I just felt that it was just for show.
Yes mine raged but would turn sweet as soon as a neighbor or outside person called or came to the door so it was all orchestrated. They still had "control". A 300 dollar roast pan is madness, and she bought that to show off. Look how much I can afford and to try and make you feel beholden on purpose. It was to be showy, she was too old to even lift it. It seems a pretty useless item and badly designed I guess just like the narcissists themselves.
ReplyDeleteOh Gosh, could you sell it on Ebay or to a metal scrap yard? Then do something nice for yourself with the money?
DeleteOr for gods sakes leave on the side of the road somewhere. You don't need that garbage. I'm so sorry.
I don't think they move without turning it into a chess game ....as in thinking several moves in advance. I almost bought into my mom's bemoaning the bad luck we all had but she was talking about her family. As I worked outwards through her friends I noticed no body who dealt with her came out unscathed. She had a boyfriend who was a cop down here and he didn't trust her and was following her around trying to catch her in something and ran into the back of a parked car and had been drinking and lost his job on the force. This happened while she was married to my father.
ReplyDeleteEverything is a chess game to them and they are always three and four steps ahead. Even bringing my niece to my apt with no warning, I think she planned that too, and the niece no longer writes me. She played martyr with that one too and planned it all out. I am sure there were some lies too, "I called and told her we were coming" etc. As I walked out the door I realized how many lies she was telling even unnecessary ones like telling my brother she hurt her knee, to cancel the MRSA family gathering. My mother has the destroyed people scattered around her, I wouldn't doubt some ex-friends are among them. Not surprised to hear about the cop. They have no emotions and can use the emotions of others like shame, grief, and pain to conduct the orchestra plucking them like strings, and feeding off of them.
DeleteTo me it seems like a lot of wasted time, but they thrive on unraveling the lives of others.
ReplyDeleteIt would exhaust me. Can you imagine how much energy is devoted even to keeping track of the lies and what you have told people. This must be the reason beyond the crazy cleaning why Mini-Me and Queen have no real hobbies.
DeleteToo bad I discovered after she passed away that she was a fallible human being dealing with the world with defense mechanisms, weighed down by the chaotic world, and that her TRUE self was spiritual.
ReplyDeleteEveryone's fallible, but doesn't mean we have to take their abuse. I don't expect to see spirituality in any of my abusers, trust me I looked for people inside there for a long time and came up wanting. Just no one home. Maybe yours wasn't the same. Some do have defense mechanism but I think it goes farther for others. Mine never suffered from chaos, she created it.
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