From an old PM interaction with my brother. [language warning] It's from some years ago.
He would have been telling the truth to say, "You don't care about her anyway".
In this one, I probably had complained about them driving by my apartment without seeing the nieces or nephews or something along those lines to him. My words weren't that extreme but the littlest rebellion against the Queen was to be stomped out at any cost. Of course I didn't get much empathy. There never was any. He always took my mother's side on everything.
A decent relationship with anyone in my family is impossible. There's too much baggage there. Even the ones on the side lines that twitter on about Aunt Scapegoat or hold to the family lines, are impossible to talk to. There is a feeling of anger and disgust in my stomach. Maybe they pick up on it. I can't erase it unless I get a lobotomy so good relationships are never going to happen. Nice polite words and being kind and sending cards, aren't going to form decent honest relationships.
Even with the extended cousins, while some and/or their children are still on my Facebook, I just went silent. I sent out a few birthday cards and did the social niceties but there is no relationships really there. With my brother years ago, I ceased all discussions of my mother and rest of the family and in the last two years all discussions of anything personal after his heart surgery were ended. He didn't even notice as I said nice things about the weather and asked how his boys were doing and this "change" was left unnoticed to him. The only time I talk to him now is when he calls on Thanksgiving or Christmas or one of his kid's birthdays. The relationship has already died out, he will be the same to me as seeing an old classmate I haven't seen in 30 years that is on my Facebook.
He gaslighted me too, telling me she was innocent as the driven snow, but he knew which side of his bread was buttered. His constant bragging wore me out too. There's a reason he told me his exact income for the weekend which probably amounted close to my monthly income at the time. I think about too how these people spoke to me and gaslighted and invalidated me at every turn and yes I have asked myself "WHY DID YOU PUT UP WITH IT?"
He always told me he defended me, but I have realized that was a complete lie. It is weird how long it took me to realize that. It does horrify me how I allowed so many of them to talk to me like I was "nothing". Those days are over. Regular life is getting turned over, because I refuse to accept things from people I used to accept, but more on that in the next article.
I know its hard to call them on their crap, as I just commented on that in another blog. So hard. But you do it and I commend you for it. These excuses not to see you, and you are supposed to buy it and you are not is great.
ReplyDeleteYes it is hard to call them on their crap, even making it through the thicket of bullcrap takes some work, and oh my goodness the constant lies and double talk--he even admits they didn't make exceptions for my health are sickening beyond belief. It was just excuses, thanks for saying calling them out is great. He learned gaslighting and invalidation from the best I suppose.
DeleteI just read this again, and I never thought my mother was similar to yours but I can see it now. The innocence of your mother, the martyrdom. She has all her children in disarray, but has managed to look good. It might be only for the money but she don't care, just that she has everyone where she wants them.
ReplyDeleteShe comes out smelling like roses while conducting people like an orchestra. Add in a dozen plus people with no moral compass, and she can control them even more. She always says she is innocent while pointing out the faults of everyone else. It's rather disgusting but even more disgusting is how she gets away with it, with so many enablers. Most are kissing her butt for money.
DeleteWhen I was in AA they told me you could fill a football stadium with random people and the two there that had a drinking problem would find each other and go on a bender. I think it's that way with narcs. I wasn't looking for someone to replace my mother and my ex wife hid her true nature from me for years but by the end my ex and my mother was like one monster with two heads. I am the common denominator here but it's freaky to look back and see the signs of their true nature and think how hard I tried to rise above but sucked in anyway.
ReplyDeleteHey they set this up. I avoided the marriage to a sociopathic narc bullet, because I got a fellow Aspie, but that was sheer luck. I have ended up with so many narcs, in my life, it's a given our rotten childhoods with lack of love, break our "pickers" and the natural ability to see red flags. I know I saw the true nature but a lot of time, wanting to be loved and cared about even in a friendship kind of way, the love bombing and other stuff worked on me far too well. Sometimes it has occured to me that when people are NICE to me, I am in shock. I am GLAD, and want to be nice to them too but there is something WRONG with the fact I have that feeling inside. I know I could have easily married a full blown abuser, even one young man I was infautated with but ended up with a friend and cheated on her, was was a FULL BLOWN NARC and I believe today SOCIOPATH.
DeleteOur loyalty which most people consider a good thing is what eventually is our downfall.
ReplyDeleteIt is. I have to realize they just don't care as much as I do. They DO not feel the same attachment whatosever. [not saying everyone, there are some good people out there, but there is something really wrong with human beings and it's growing worse]
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