The same old lies, the same old crap seems to repeat over and over like Groundhog Day with the same jerks. America is crumbling, no one can afford groceries, rent, and the rest, but this is what they focus on. Now there will more war, I guess the 4 trillion spent for Bush's Middle Eastern wars, and hundreds of thousands who died, wasn't enough for these monsters. Neither party cares about the American people only the oligarchy, globalists and making money for billionaires. That's it. Face the truth. Stop calling anyone who questions the two party system, a "conspiracy theorist"!
I was outraged to notice that during the "No Kings" protests there wasn't anyone protesting war with Iran and by then the issue was out on the table. I thought "Why isn't anyone protesting this war in Iran?" Many still carried Ukraine flags even at that one. I wrote on one board, that scripted protests always serve the needs of the rulers, there's a reason Christy Walton, a billionaire signed off in support. The ruling class allows a few controlled events to defuse a little bit of steam while controlling the messaging. I found the No Kings logo to be stupid. It was irrelevant. They ignored the elephants in the room which was advancing war in the Middle East and the collapse of the US economy.
The left abandoned the anti-war movement long ago. I went through multiple videos looking for signs against war and saw nothing. Even signs protesting the genocide in Gaza were very rare. It's disgusting that Biden sent money to Israel as they bombed tens of thousands of children and innocent civilians and wiped out endless blocks of civilian apartment blocks. Netyanhu is a madman. He doesn't care about Israelis either or Jews as his war monger ways puts them in more danger. Just as America is controlled by psychopaths, Israel has that psycho increasing the danger in all their lives.
Most of our politicians are in the back pocket of AIPAC. Both sides have issues, some do see that there is wrong on both sides. They see the evils of genocide, but also are not supporters of Sharia law and terrorism. Both have been fighting for decades so why is America dragged into it? What good is it going to do but drag America into a sinking quagmire and perhaps bring some of the war home on our soil? Our politicians don't care about Americans. America has its own problems to solve here at home, but always involves itself in endless wars. Iraq and Afghanistan weren't enough of a learning lesson? Now we are at risk of World War III.
Many Americans are clueless, and ignore the perils of war and what war really means. War became something many watched on TV and cheered on. Kind of like a soccer match for the soulless. Ollie Matthews is now wisely outraged with Trump, I hope Ollie sees through the false two party system. It's about time. He talks about blood thirsty Americans cheering on war. There are good boomers who are antiwar and don't fall for this crap, but I find myself disturbed at the fact the gerontocracy has retained a stranglehold upon American politics. I think he is on to something that war has become a show on big screen TVs for well-heeled people of the boomer generation to cheer on. If you think about it, our country is under an intense stranglehold of 70-80 year old plus neo-cons and their supporters. Most of Congress is over 70. Something has gone very wrong!
Do the doddering old codgers in charge of our country knowing that their lives are nearing their end due to age alone, want to take the rest of us with them? It sure seems that way. They sure as hell don't give a damn about young people. Us Gen Xers grew up under the threat of nuclear war, watching the Day After and being told we could face nuclear annihilation at any time. Are you noticing something? No one cares. No one has warned about the risks of nuclear war. Even as I argued the Ukraine issue with some people in real life, no one cared if Russia and America came head to head, nuclear arsenals or not. No one cared.
That's obvious as the economic crushing is dialed down harder. They surely don't care about the preservation of life in the world. It's a repeat of the same old crap. War to them is flying light shows, excitement and bombs on TV, it's not day to day interaction of going without food, PTSD, seeing one's house blown up, trauma, and watching loved ones die.
Even with my frustration with No Kings, I thought why are most of the protesters white- and grey-haired leftist boomers? Some of the protests looked like the nursing home filled up the activity bus and sent them on their way with trans and Ukraine flags to protest Trump. The average age seemed to be 70. Why didn't I see ONE sign about the economy? Maybe none of them relate to the younger generations who can't afford their bills.
Tik-Tok and Youtube are filled with videos detailing our dying economy, but you won't see those issues presented by any anti-Trump protests. Ollie is angry and I relate. My social media is odd, I wrote a bit about Iran, but most didn't seem to care, I am walking on eggshells myself, and not talking about politics, because of so many ended friendships in real life, maybe that's it. My angst over recent happenings has nowhere to go. I am glad Ollie is speaking out about what has happened.
Many MAGA people are upset, remember Trump ran on us having no more wars. Just the usual politician lies. It's the same rerun of neo-con BS. Will people ever learn? Mr. Operation Warp-Speed didn't give a damn about any of us either. Biden neither as he sent billions overseas. He's joined the usual politicians who basically say, "Screw the American people!", while sending boatloads of money!" overseas.
I don't know when Americans will wake up. The situation seems rather hopeless. Other countries at least pay a bit attention to the needs and survival of their own citizens, not this one. No one represents American interests anymore or the will of the people. They'd rather invest money in blowing up other places. Take time to look up videos of Iran, our brainwash media would have you think everyone is living in tents. I read Persepolis, Iran was screwed up via America toppling their government. Remember the Shah of Iran?
Years ago, on my bible prophecy and conspiracy blog, when I was a fundamentalist Christian, I wrote all the time, they were going to take the USA into war with Iran. I was against this. Hagee, Netyanhu and the rest were always promoting war with Iran. Iran was on the Plan for the New American Century list and also on the list of countries, that General Wesley Clark talked about on this video. Here is a snip from my old blog:
The last thing this country needed was more war involvement. Our leaders don't care about the citizens here. I fear repercussions coming here directly now, where there could be terrorist attacks on our soil Some people predict there will be a false flag on American soil, kind of like 9-11, to make sure there will be full entrance into war with Iran. They need "boots" on the ground, and a reason to make it happen. Wars are never voted on by Congress anymore, the presidents just go to war and do military action wherever they want and that included Democrats too. Both parties became supporters of war, and ignored American needs at home.
Lately it does feel like the worse always happens. As I have said before, until humanity figures out a way to deal with the psychopaths in charge problem, humanity is never going to progress and could even end up extinct. You must understand my angst when 15 years ago, we were all talking about the Gog and Magog war in Christian circles, which was supposed to be a show down between the "king of the north", [USA], Russia and Iran. We read Revelation 18 and wondered if it applied to America. War also follows the pattern of coming after pandemics. Bible prophecy can be used and exploited to bring on war, as Bush made hash of it on his "crusades". I never have been pre-trib but I saw some Christian friends saying they are waiting for the trumpet, and they believe the rapture could be soon. Something always made me uncomfortable about some of this stuff, as little mostly brown kids got blown up in other parts of the world, and pre-trib Christians would act like God would whisk them away out of any suffering. With the Bible, as transhumanism, globalism and madness expands, some of the warnings in there seems to be the only thing explaining how stupid everything is getting.
On medical freedom boards, some people of the "conspiracy" bent, said, after Covid is over, the global elite will bring on World War III to cover up their crimes, especially with the Covid vaxxes and their long term effects. Trump betrayed on that too. They signed on to more mRNA and Robert F. Kennedy, cares more about food dyes than stopping the democide.
I don't have belief in the political system anymore. it's the same old over and over. There is a place to protest for what is right, I'll do that, but these are very dangerous times. I am disgusted.
The USA has been going to war since my early 20s without pause, Ollie mentions since he was 18, I was in my early 20s, when they got the war crap rolling in the Middle East. I protested war for years. Maybe some of it was futile but I don't regret it. Ask me how I feel about protesting Trump years ago, I was out there, in the days when there was only a few people, and back then our signs weren't scripted. I had signs like "No to war with Syria". I even had one sign talking about "Narcissists in charge", Sheesh how true was that one!
There have been hundreds of thousands of deaths, endless innocent civilians, they probably will ramp up hatred for Muslim people again just like in the 2000s. Consider all the suffering and death that has happened and now there will be more. The fact our country is allied with a country that has killed tens of thousands of kids right in full view of the world, is disgusting. There have been endless war crimes. This isn't to say the other side like Hamas hasn't done evil things too but what does America really stand for anymore? More war? Blowing the world up? Destruction? Police man of the world even as their own population falls into poverty and can't afford the basics from medical care to rent? All that crap about exporting "democracy" overseas during Bush's wars, that's not going to sell anymore especially as our freedom and rights have been massively chipped away at. If I hear one more leftist say "This is what democracy looks like" at one of those controlled protests, I'll be ready to puke.
Americans better wake the hell up. The world has watched this place bomb endless countries for decades. Do you think we have built up good will? The world sees America as a "bully". NATO seems on the verge of breaking up. China and Russia probably held back on this latest fiasco, watching America and Trump dig its own hole. BRICS probably is having meetings now, on how to deal with things. I don't expect the dollar to hold reserve currency status for long.
Trump seems to have been given the "job" by the global elite to "dismantle" America. If you look at all his decisions via that lens, thats the only thing that makes sense. They do not want to build this place up, they are extracting the wealth, and busy "conquering" the rest of the planet for their own agenda. The needs of Americans are always put last. I don't have much hope in this world anymore, that's for sure, but the evils of war need stood against. There's going to be more innocent people dying. I stand with the innocent people who suffer in all wars.
I'm locked out of twitter. I'm trying to fix it now. I was planning to leave more social media. I may have screwed up posting a heavy conspiracy website using a negative symbol, the conspiracy website was AGAINST what that symbol represents, and I am against it too, but I may have gotten kicked out for good anyway. It was dumb. I didn't agree with everything from that website anyway, but it seemed to show some truth about how both main parties are "owned".
I was stressed out about dying in WWIII, and should have been more mindful about what I was posting. Maybe too many posts about Palantir, Thiel, and being very anti-Iran war like the above, got me kicked off too. They want to sell MAGA on war and the left isn't fighting it either with the No Kings ignoring our impending nuclear demise. More on that later. Shadow-banning could have been already happening on my account.
Most of the internet is very owned and controlled, and sometimes I wonder if the dead internet theory is true. I think most people online are astrobots, turfs and fake accounts. This is definitely true of Reddit and Twitter/X. There was a lot of time, I felt like I was writing to created personalities.
Twitter/X gets complicated. Conspiracy websites use all sorts of symbols for exposure so maybe I am wrong about why I got kicked out. X does lean very right wing and pro-Maga there though there's some people like me who hate both main parties and have some of the same viewpoints. It's sad that the left became so in love with censorship during Covid, that us independents, were more on 'right wing' leaning websites, because the leftist websites just banned any questioning outright.
There's a lot of outraged MAGA people, who are not happy over Iran/Israel matters but there's also a lot trying to sell war. I don't want to go to Bluesky, they will censor me within the first day for not being politically correct. I have an account on Gab, but it was way too MAGA, no independents or people rejecting both parties so I barely posted there. Gttr.com I had an account too but again, MAGA to the max, and nothing alternative was posted there.
Musk does own the place obviously. I considered leaving before so maybe getting kicked off won't be a bad thing but would like access to my account to get some media, and old links and posts. I did get a second account by accident, and may post a little on there, and talk to friends if they can find it. Hopefully I can get the original account back. You know it's sad, there seems to be so few independent websites and message boards now and everything has been monopolized to an extent.
I was going to lower my internet involvement, I left reddit months ago, except for reading on purpose. I plan to lower other social media. Being deaf, most of my conversations with friends, both in the flesh people and online friends, is online. That makes things complicated as I don't want to lose those connections. I plan to still blog here. Since I am in bed so much, I am online too much. I do a lot of art and watch movies too, but the internet can wrap itself around you. It became more of the "real world" to me. That worries me. Just leaving my apartment seems to cost money so I am kind of devoid of a real life lately outside of seeing my few regional friends and a few art ventures like an abstract art scholarship class and going to the Senior Center art co-ops. My lack of money to "do things" in the real world has made life too internet dependent. Even medical stuff often has to be done online and with email correspondence.
I was having this conversation with husband yesterday, that our life is far too much on screens, and that we need to change this because it is not healthy. We are losing connection to the real world. Covid really got that ball rolling, my life never recovered. I talk about leaving here all the time. It's like being stuck in a glue trap. You are scared of choosing WORSE but dream of a place where you can afford to live, to wake up happy and not scared with people around who still talk to each other. Remember that small town I used to go escape to when I could for my art club? There are some things here I like and places I'm used to and there's resources I fear losing here, but this isolated of a life, in the long term worries me. A lot of places in America are messed up. I looked at one town, their water is contaminated with lead, one place the power goes out all the time, and is becoming druggie central. No place is perfect of course.
Where can we go where we can be people too and belong and have community? I have told my husband we need to go where other poor people are, where we "fit in". and around others like us, but he sees this as some sort of defeat and maybe fears a rerun of the hell we faced in Chicago. I would pick more rural climes but there's always the medical needs problem. I explored this issue enough before like in my article about housing. He told me the other day, "I don't want to end up living in some dump!" We almost ended up here this long just based on our apartment which we like. I told him, well there was good stuff with the arts here. Some of my decisions would have been different. It's hard. The subsidized housing has not worked out. We are still on the list but other programs besides HUD which we don't qualify for are far more complicated. Even that place raised the market rent by 200 dollars in one fell swoop.
I want to live not worried about bills even if it means extreme austerity. I want to feel "safe" and just want peace. No one is thinking about how the internet is chipping away at community and how it has changed things. Focusing on screens is chipping away at all the communities. People forget the day to day interactions that maintained community and place. If one lives in the internet matrix, the real world slips away. What is it going to do to our towns? I picture those memes that show some guy hooked into a VR set living in a dump. Virtual reality has replaced reality. I am guilty. How do I fix this?
Maybe that day is already here, as our towns and communities are crumbling and everyone is hooked into the matrix.
I have analyzed myself, why am I online so much? Seeking attention and validation I didn't get from the family? Maybe that ties into my own internet addiction. The internet can be enticing, in giving you the illusion of having a voice. Maybe personal blogs are the only place that is happening anymore as news is controlled and websites like X, Bluesky and Facebook are so curated. I lost a lot of real world people from moves and who are deceased so maybe this sadness tied in. There was no family ever to talk to. Even when I was around, they cared more about the virtual world--mostly via TV and entertainment and materialism. My invisibility was intense. I read these books written by monks, where they talked about humility and they lived opposite lives of "wanting to be seen". Some of those spiritual things were interesting to ponder.
I may have issues that got me hooked onto the internet. I plan to continue this blog, but there's times where I felt like the fivehundredpoundpeep "avatar" identity superseded or "conflicted" with my real identity. This is hard to explain, but I told my husband one day, "fivehundredpoundpeep" became like a new personality, The real Peep is far more quiet and introverted maybe even boring compared to fivehundredpoundpeep, the internet persona. The spiky haired woman with her big boxing gloves appears as more meek in the real world. Some people probably would be surprised by what they get. I am far less verbally astute in real life, text is far easier. I appear "slow" because of the deafness, and autism. There's this one woman who befriended the "real me" on social media. She told me she was impressed with my intellect, and wanted to get to know me. Sadly while I was more connected to my real social media name, my real persona [I was open and told her I was autistic] in this case seemed to disappoint her in some way. The friendship did not work out, she is the friend who unfriended me over politics.
In real life, I lived on the edge a little bit, worried people would find out my hidden "fivehundredpoundpeep" identity and get pissed off at my controversial viewpoints, I don't express in real life. I think I got tired, the climate is so extreme now, that I ran into someone I knew who is very liberal, when I went to a community sale. He asked me if I am still an antivaxxer, I said "Yes, and I am glad I made those decisions for myself..." He was in shock when I told him, "I never got Covid". I had the disturbing thought later, he no longer saw me as a person, only a label, I was put in a box with the lid firmly shut never to get out. I didn't announce those views to the majority either. I however emailed this particular person about my worries. How much is the internet or the matrix so to speak, narrowing perceptions of other people. Am I just the "crazy antivaxxer" to this guy now? It made me wonder. I was disturbed he supported all this stuff but figured he has an identity well beyond those decisions. Maybe I see the world differently, I'm not sure.
Remember I don't even tell real world people, I am a hardcore conspiracy theorist, that explores really strange stuff about the nature of our world, from prison planet theories to wanting to order an Ethiopian bible because it contains books that got taken out of regular Bibles. Some friends do find out my conspiracy interests but this is something I only tell the "inner circle". There's only so much 'weirdness" I can show and I show it more openly in my fivehundredpoundpeep persona. Remember us autistics have to "cloak" and appear normal to others, so that adds a layer to this.
I wonder if anyone has ever written on this difference between online personalities or real life personalities. I don't make money off this blog, but it's like I formed a "brand" of myself and had to mold it, if this makes sense. I wonder if it has affected my personality in weird ways. Are people merely labels now? It's ignored the complexity of people and has dialed everyone down to where they fit in the hierarchy instead of being their own individuals.
One thing worrying me about the internet taking over the world is the real world seems so impersonal now. I had this PA/doctor for 6 years or so, I make an appointment and am sent someone else. No one tells me. No one says goodbye. I thought she liked me, I liked her, she helped keep me alive. Why wasn't I worthy of even being told? What can I say? I did tell the office manager, "Someone should have told me.". Outside of my friends, people don't seem to talk much. Everywhere I go is so quiet beyond my own deafness. The technocratic world is not a very friendly one. No one talks to you. There is an invisibility in it.
The internet is not the same as having a real life with people you can share real conversations with. Some of us do make real friends online, so that happens and is a positive, but socializing online though you meet some real friends, is not the same as community in real life. Most of my contact with my REAL world friends is online, so how is that affecting people? I see some friends once a month or so, but talk more on the internet. I have wondered sometimes what would the online friends who I never met in person think of me in real life? Maybe you have too. Maybe I ruined my life being online so much but where was there to be? Most poor people lose the internet, he works on it, it's getting expensive. 140 dollars a month seems excessive. The days it cost 50 dollars a month weren't that long ago.
The smart phones did change conversations. I went to groups where people spent more time on their phone than talking to anyone. Why are you here if the phone is the center of your attention but then I'm not much better having to read everyone says. What do they post? Most don't seem to throw themselves into the internet foray like I did but just scroll over and over for dopamine hits. I worry because I'm hooked to my phone to talk to anyone, so can't put it away, it is always there. I need the transcribing function. The screen worlds are determining our reality.
The screen worlds allow a "little" controlled dissent, but there's a reason they can openly deny what is really happening to people like I wrote in the gaslighted about the economy article. Most are establishment centers, this is what you are "supposed to think". People aren't looking around at their in- person environment, to judge and determine reality, getting it from online! That's why people can be openly lied too with the truth staring them in the face, because the screen is more believed than reality.
I got the feeling on X, I was talking to a brick wall at times. People posting hoping there's an audience somewhere. There's somewhat of one on here, I hope. Why can't we talk anymore in the real world. I did make it personal policy to avoid religion, politics and finances, except with the closest of friends. The feelings of repression are immense. Those topics were ignored before in polite company but something changed where one little slip up or mild statement could get someone really mad at you. It's scary to me, I have no other poor people IRL to talk about how rough things are? How did that happen? Maybe everyone hides it from each other but I know in more working class communities more honesty was allowed, there wasn't so much saving of face. Politics just messes up relationships unless it's a close enough friendship to survive disagreement or one is like-minded. They got everyone at each other's throats. I miss calm collected settings, getting lots of nostalgic memories. Why is everything so isolated and shut down?
Once I burst out crying to husband, remember when people could talk to each other in our old town? What am I even doing here? One way power can centralize, is they cut off the connection and social interaction between individuals, that's definitely has happened in America. Everything seems so depressing here. Is it me? I'm not sure. I miss energy, spark, disagreements even when you know a relationship would survive it. Is that strange to think. It's like we are all supposed to be labels, members of a club others all define, but there's very little in the real world. Even the stores are boring now, carrying less and less products. Only life you can have the one you can afford. If they do social credit nonsense to us once they got the Palantir network going, expect people to get even more quiet and disconnected. Computers aren't very warm things, all the new things they build seem to be boxy and with no flair, utilitarian to the max. Some of us may not ditch the internet, we need it for some things and still want to blog, but we need to go get more of the real world back.
"We're the 99%, our lives are not for you to spend
We're the 99%, and we resent this exploitation.
There's more to life than war and greed
Imagine what the world could be, without financial slavery,
and 99% agree!"
Every now and then, a kernel of wisdom comes along, one that makes you think, “Aha, you've really nailed it here!” That's my immediate reaction to a recent post by Peep, via the Five Hundred Pound Peep blog (“The Gaslighter's Economy”), while looking up resources for posts of my own – an executive summary here, an in-depth analysis over there, that sort of thing, the usual stuff that you're seeking to help whatever case you're making.
Initially, I'd thought about folding Peep's post into one of my own, on a related subject. After reading it more closely, I'm going to focus on it, front and center, there's a lot to unpack here, so I'm not going to try and address all of it – you can read the whole thing for yourself, right here:
But Peep's post is notable for several reasons, starting with the simple question that's raised, about three-quarters of the way down: “There is so much gaslighting. Why can't Americans and America be honest about how widespread the poverty and suffering are getting out there? If you don't admit a problem it never will be fixed.”
Bingo! If you a glimpse into why the Democrats botched the Trump-slaying assignment in 2024, there it is. I can remember banging my head against the wall in frustration – figuratively speaking, of course – at how long Team Biden dragged out any acknowledgment of the suffering that so many millions of Americans were going through (and continue to go through). “Hey, look at these graphs,” the President and his advisers said, over and over. “Isn't it just great? Unemployment's never been lower!"
To which I'd cite the joke making the rounds – “Yes, Mr. President. I'm glad that you've created so many new jobs. I have three of them. And I still can't afford the food on my table.” Ba-boomp! But seriously, folks, I just flew in from my third job at the gas station, and boy, are my arms – and feet – tired. You know the drill, you know the rest.
Still, if the donkey party wants to get back into contention, it'll have to jettison the C-suite narrative – the one that's traditionally focused on C-suite narratives of how the rich are doing. As long as the stock market's roaring, everyone still has those three crappy jobs, and spending an appropriate level of cash – not because they want to, mind you – then all's well and good in the world, even when common sense should tell us otherwise.
After all, there's nothing like the voice of experience, right? As Peep states, life feels cold and unforgivng when you're struggling with basic needs that so many others take for granted:
“Surviving as a poor person meant a ton of gaslighting, everyone was out to rip these people off and tell them no and shut the door in their face. I noticed transportation for many of them was a constant problem. It was for me too in past times. I hated big cities because everything was spread out and hard to get to.”
This statement is one of many that strikes a chord with me. Like Peep, I've turned back on big cities for the slower, more sedate life of “the provinces,” as I jokingly call them – because the life that seemed so glittering for the likes of Oprah, for instance, or the Smashing Pumpkins frontman, Billy Corgan – or, “Silly Organ,” as my friends and I called him – would always remain painfully out of reach for me.
“How did you know?” you may ask. Well, my daily grind told what I needed to know, because there were no good jobs – or even decent, or barely tolerable ones, for that matter – they were all way out in the suburbs, where the so-called “best and brightest” lived, where major streets ran interminably for miles in any direction – and few bus lines, if any, ran out there.
That's how the upper crust liked it. As long as the riff-raff – as they saw it – couldn't get to them, life made sense. Then and now, they owned battleship-sized cars to tool around in, that – even in the '90s – cost as much as the down payment on a house. Life was fine for them.
As for me, I wasn't so lucky. I owned a couple of banged-up beaters that filled in my transport gaps for a time – six or so months here, a couple months there – till they inevitably gave up the ghost, forcing me to use the bus.
Nothing triggered more teeth-grinding hatred for me than the time I'd spend – 45 minutes back and forth, every day – after I'd sacrificed another eight-hour day, helping my employers get fatter and richer, while I remained poor as a church mouse, since the endless commute ensured a 10-hour day for me, every day.
At night, I'd crank out freelance magazine articles, which helped somewhat – because I simply couldn't count solely on my pitiful office schlub job to fill all the economic blanks – though, of course, that money disappeared, too. It just took a bit longer.
I had to be content with my schedule, carefully calibrated at 7.5 hours a day – to avoid straining my bosses' ever-bulging budget – and the occasional 50- or 75-cent raise they occasionally thew my way. The jobs didn't pay enough back then, and sure as hell don't pay anywhere nearly enough now – or, as Peep points out, “There is almost an absurdist thing in play now. Where they tell people to pay bills they know will be impossible to them.”
Not only does this include the major bills that get so much attention, like rent, utilities and so on, but all the various scams and side deals characterize so much of big city life – like application fees, another bit of detail in Peep's post that strikes a chord with me. I shelled them out, too, from time to time, and they proved another reminder of my nether existence, like all those never-ending bus rides, to the suburban enclave where I would never live.
These days, the racket seems slicker and shinier than ever, though the outcome is basically the same, as Peep points out: “I noticed since the '90s, now they charge 80-100. Who has that kind of money? One lady described paying out hundreds of dollars, while she got turned down for apartments. The system is designed to make you lose.”
Indeed. Even now, looking back on it all, I find it hard to shake off the surreal stench of my whole experience – going to a job that barely paid the bills, so I could spend what little I made, on food and items that I could barely afford, and the extortionate monthly rent that hoovered up whatever else I had left.
After three years of this grind, I finally came to my senses, re-connected with some of my old media contacts in a fly-over state, and was able to escape back there, though that job would eventually sour, too, of course. A system overseen by control freak psychopaths running dysfunctional entities is hardly fated to produce great results, is it?
Take it from me, any greatness that happens in such environments is purely accidental, which is why it's not difficult for me to relate to this observation from Peep:
“I was able to keep the rent paid on time because of disability. Jobs aren't so stable now, they disappear in a heartbeat and then people lose their homes. I believe the job system in America needs to be changed. Jobs shouldn't be so easy to lose. We need complete changes to the job system. Jobs no longer pay the bills.”
There you have it. No elaborate studies needed, like the $20 million the Democratic Party frantically shelled out during the 2024 campaign, trying to figure out why they weren't connecting with youth – it's the stuff of a Monty Python skit, if John Cleese and friends were still making the rounds, that is. No elaborate statements, no secret handshakes, no unwritten codes left to decipher, as Peep has pretty well nailed it.
Until we get around to the basic point – that, if man is a social animal, which means enforcing some sort of social contract, to work out the best ways of dealing with one another, and therefore, making all of us our brother's keeper – things aren't likely to get much better, in the short term, anyway. How do I know? Because I still bear the scars of all those endless bus rides to prove it, with nothing to show for it. It still makes me shudder, to think about it. – Mr. Peep
Our grocery stores around here are looking sparse, how are yours doing? Aldis got rid of a lot of products when I was in there last and rearranged things to hide it.
Economically things are still the same. I'm still waiting on my subsidized apartment. I don't need to rehash my own situation; it's the same Groundhog Day stuff over and over. Sometimes I wonder why trying to plan ahead doesn't work either. I have been doing some art stuff so that's been enjoyable. I'll point out a few things happening as an example though. Why is there so much gaslighting about our economy? This guy may be on to something with the famine that awaits. Our stores are EMPTYING out here. Aldis got rid of a bunch of products last week, this may have included my gluten free bread and rearranged the store to hide this. In my town, there's multiple times I cannot find a food product I need. Is this happening in your town?
The city commissioners in my more well off town, decided to charge people to park--2 dollars an hour, so this town I live in is now overtly screening out people economically. Poors not allowed. People are already drowning in bills. There's middle class people here who are probably stretched to the limit and all they do is pile on more costs. There's been outrage but nothing changes. Do our governments big or small even represent us even more? I voted for blue collar guys during the last election who own small businesses and all lost for these money-grubbing neo-liberals to be put in instead. They make $140,000-160,000 a year, most double household incomes probably crossing the $200,000 mark, you think they relate to normal people? I doubt it. We have nursery school teachers and cooks here too.
I posted some of the Large Man Abroad videos on my social media. One guy said to me, "Oh things aren't that bad!" That's often the reaction one gets when they discuss this stuff. I have to cool it a bit. One is more popular posting positive stuff on Facebook. I suppose my social media is the "art" wall lately which I don't mind but it is hard when you wish there could be more discussion of this stuff.
Why are poor people so alone in it? For people in some areas, there's always this feeling too, that one has to "hide negativity", the stiff upper lips don't want to hear about it. The elite have separated poor people too, so we can't talk things over or relate to one another or form groups to help each other. It's every lonely dog for themselves. Just like narcissists separate all the scapegoats so they can't form alliances, the same thing has happened with the poor and working class people in America.
At least in the third world, if people are poor, there's other poor people to turn to and talk about how things really are, and get advice or at least be able to discuss reality with each other. Ask yourself where do poor people or even the working class have a voice anymore? We don't. I would say the only source right now where poor people have a voice, is some youtube videos, and other videos online. Blogs aren't so common now but maybe a few personal blogs are still out there like mine.
There is so much shame attached to poverty, that even my talking about personal poverty or money problems I know is extremely rare. It is risky. With lives run off the rails, you don't want to bore people with the same happenings that keep running through on repeat. SOME people though are taking to video to discuss their experiences despite the risks. There are others who interview homeless people or do tours of cities like Nick Johnson showing all the extreme poverty next to wealth. That's one aspect of the community I live in that is a very bad sign. We have a very poor ghetto area, next to extreme wealth. That's one aspect of America now, the distance is growing between the haves and have-nots. They live in two different realities. The poor and working class simply do not see their reality on TV or anywhere else for that matter.
While our news won't tell us how bad things are, people are getting the news out on Tic-Tok and Youtube about the reality of how bad our economy is. Our elite just will gaslight us. I believe we are in a Depression now, but this time unlike the 1930s, they won't announce it. Tariffs were a thing in the 1930s by the way. We will just notice more inaccessible goods, emptying and closing stores, lower life quality and skyrocketing costs, but this time they won't tell you the WHYS, unless you research them for yourself online and have the means to. Truth is ignored in this country. Why is Depression 2.0 mostly silent? That's more of the gaslighting process. People will think they are the "only ones". When people can't even see the others that are in their same boat, it gives the powerful an endless boost.
I watch Youtube a lot, and included some videos here. We are gaslighted when most of our national media ignores the plight of millions of people in our own country. All us poor people know the news, the TV, and magazines don't represent our world. Poor and working class people are never characters now on TV shows. When people are made voiceless, and their experiences minimized and simply IGNORED, there's gaslighting going on.
I looked up mutual aid societies having this weird thought I could find one and that they were groups of poor people at least trying to join resources together. Did I misunderstand the concept? Of course, this town didn't have one. Have you ever wondered why everyone who is poor, we are so alone in it? People who have poor families may be better off if the family is close knit, at least there's someone in the boat with you instead of being out to sea alone with the boat sinking. Even the churches [my dream of the supportive country church may be an impossible illusion now] are places where rich pastors preach a bunch of stuff that has nothing to do with the average poor person's lives. Poor people will get food [now dwindling in supply and quality] from the church food banks, but they know they don't belong in most churches.
A lot of people are poorer than me. Remember I'm not homeless, I have internet access. I've kept my rent paid on time. There's still some art supplies in here and books. They are hiding the poor in America now, it's part of the gaslighting. They make it so the poor hide out. "We are embarrassed". I still have an apartment and a car. The homeless all talk about how lonely they become. Remember when you are very poor, you can wear out the welcome of those who help you. If your life is off its moorings and it never gets back on the moorings, it can wear people out. "Why are they always in need?" Some people will cut you off, they see you as a "drain". Bad luck clings like a stink. Those who have to live with relatives or on someone's couch, all talk about the resentment, the anger, the bouncing from one place to another. Some healthy people can sometimes crawl out and via employment efforts change things around but the older you get the harder this is.
Why is there so little spiritual practices to help the poor? There were spiritual modalities to be contented in poverty. I was reading some of this stuff. The evangelical churches ran off the rails with prosperity gospel, maybe some of the Catholics had a tighter grip on this stuff. Many of us just want to be left alone in peace. Why are the poor in America constantly harassed where the screws are forever tightened to the breaking point? Why do they make bills impossible? Our leaders are so rich, they have no concept of what the average person lives on, or what bills they have to pay. At least in centuries past, while there was always trouble, the peasants had community and some stability unless there was a war. There seems to be a keen desire to crush people here. It's nuts. Leave us alone. Can we live in our small towns and just live quiet humble lives, without the money masters destroying the place? Why not?
They don't want happy people living simple lives, they always want to crush you. Some of us may throw our hands up, and I did this long ago knowing with these disabilities the middle class was never going to be part of my reality. "Okay I'm poor, now just leave me alone to live in peace." They won't do that. They don't want people to have their basic needs met, they always want them on edge.
America is a fear ruled country. They keep you afraid, desperate and clawing at the side of the crab barrel. This place is sick. People who are afraid are PTSD/CPTSD ridden, they aren't turning to each other in cooperation and with problem solving abilities. They are curled into a ball, and detaching or lashing out in anger. Hmm... that describes a lot of what is happening to this place.
There is almost an absurdist thing in play now. Where they tell people to pay bills they know will be impossible to them. I was told to pony up 900 dollars the other day for two new lower garments for my compression machine for instance. This compression machine has given me a second lease on life, remember I like it a lot. It ended severe infections I battled during my 30s and 40s. Some of those almost ended my life. I only get them rarely now. I crossed the 18-24 month marker without an infection for the first time in literally decades.
The garments are the cloth bandages with tubes in them, that go on your legs and are tubed into the machine where your legs are "massaged" and compressed with air to get fluids off them.
One of them has been having error messages, it's worn out. The second one is having error messages about half the time. These are the bottom part of the legs, the top half costs even more and full replacement would be 1800 dollars. I cracked a joke, on the phone, "Sure I will go get my bag of gold out of my closet, and send it to you right away!" and then got mad and said, "You people seriously expect disabled people to have 1,000 to 2,000 dollars laying around?" It's absurdity. I did apply for financial aid, and hope I get it. I have the fear, my legs will go back to infection land as my garments are wearing out.
The tent cities are proliferating all over. There's the hidden homeless too, the people living in motels and with relatives. Most people in our situation with families may have moved in with them, to catch up and get a breather while waiting for subsidized housing but many don't have that anymore. Rental rooms are crazy in price now, I'm noticing some of those are hitting 700-800 dollars in bigger cities. How come we don't have boarding houses anymore? Poor people used to be able to use those to "take a rest" or catch up or survive.
I read this book from the library. Every homeless person in this book was African American. I'm not sure why he focused on one race, because the stuff that happens to them is happening to ALL races. Maybe it was because it was Atlanta, I don't know. I just read it and their lives were like my own in many ways, so figured so be it. The underclass has all races in it. They did face the added layer for racism in the mix. I was pleased William Barber wrote a book about poor whites. He wrote a book about "White Poverty". I read it a few months ago. Maybe some are realizing that when they divide races, the powers that be never want different groups to unite such as the black and white poor and working class.
Anyway I read the "There is No Place" for us book and all these homeless people had jobs. The jobs didn't pay enough for their rent in Atlanta. Everything was expensive. There are draconian rules all over the place meant to trip you up. The rules seemed designed just to make everything as hard as possible and put up endless barriers. I related to that. These requirements included that one had to make three times the rent. There were credit cut-offs, one person even had a perfect housing record for years at one place but because they had bad credit were not allowed to move into another apartment. There's no tenant rights. There's scam artists taking rent and lease money who really don't own the place. Their lives are unstable and hell. Most have to hold several jobs. Many of them have to go live in extended stays at cheap hotels that charge more than rent would cost.
The social work programs are all overloaded and useless with stupid rules like not allowing a 15 year old to stay with his family in a homeless shelter. That's one nasty reality about homeless shelters, if you have kids they will put a family in housing but if you are married without kids they will separate spouses and come up with other crazy rules. It's a mess. It also shows what a wreck this country is and how much graft, rip-offs and life quality has sunk. They of course have racism to contend with in some different places. Oh one big matter was many of them got charged application fees. I remember those from Chicago where they got your 30 dollars, and kept it after they said NO. Many used this to rip off people just collecting application fees. I noticed since the 90s, now they charge 80-100. Who has that kind of money? One lady described paying out hundreds of dollars, while she got turned down for apartments. The system is designed to make you lose.
One reason we have held onto the present apartment with a death grip living here so long, is it was stable. It is a decent apartment, I've written about my own hellish past in living in some hellholes. I understand why my husband is so afraid to move. I'm scared too. He told me he is afraid of us ending up like we did in Chicago. I can't argue with that. Having stable housing in America while you are poor is very fortunate. You do not take it for granted.
I felt sorry for these people I read about. I related to a lot of the troubles. That's life as the poor in America always scrounging. I am lucky to have almost 20 years in the same apartment. I was able to keep the rent paid on time because of disability. Jobs aren't so stable now, they disappear in a heartbeat and then people lose their homes. I believe the job system in America needs to be changed. Jobs shouldn't be so easy to lose. We need complete changes to the job system. Jobs no longer pay the bills.
Surviving as a poor person meant a ton of gaslighting, everyone was out to rip these people off and tell them no and shut the door in their face. I noticed transportation for many of them was a constant problem. It was for me too in past times. I hated big cities because everything was spread out and hard to get to. Atlanta is one of those sprawling places too, it seems worse than Chicago. When you live in a place like that, everything is far away. Just doing basic things can be very complicated. Small towns are simpler which is one reason I'll never move to a big city again. One caveat though, jobs are harder to get in small towns. The mouse traps seem to design with a hitch everywhere you turn.
The book talked about all the people living in hotels. The homeless by necessity have taken over all the cheaper hotels and motels in America. Remember there's levels of homelessness, some are couch sleeper at other people's houses, some have a car or van to live in, some have motels and hotels to live in and the worse off are in the streets with nothing. I am too poor to travel but had to take a few cheap motel rooms for power outages over the years, the places are full of the homeless. Sometimes it can suck if you get a room next door to a homeless family of 6 and the noise levels make it impossible to sleep. There was one motel years ago in my mother's town and this was in the "suburban" area too that was nicer but it was a Red Roof Inn that basically was a homeless shelter. We stopped staying there because it was far too noisy to sleep and most rooms had more than 4 people staying in them. It's true of a lot of hotels and motels here. It's the more cheaper ones, not the fancy vacation ones, but that's where many of the working homeless live and they charge far more than rent.
Foreign people in developed countries, feel sorry for Americans. They probably are told more truth about the American economy than we are. I am online friends with English speaking people in Wales, Ireland, and England, I speak with them on a consistent basis. Their countries have problems too but they feel sorry for Americans for being poor and being unable to access medical care. People don't realize what a joke America has become. I think even the Chinese and Russians [look at Russia Today] feel sorry for Americans too, and think this economy is a hellish one. I have thoughts like well even the Communists at least provided jobs and places to live for their people. I am not a Communist but it seems the main American motive now, is to punish people. Nothing is ever done for the betterment of society, only for the profit of the psychopathic. Everything is authoritarian.
A lot of rich people here get mad if you talk about the economy. I had this one more well off friend who got mad when I told her how bad the economy was. She was a generous and nice person but our world views clashed. That's the friend who basically unfriended me for refusing to vote for Kamala. I learned my lesson and don't talk about politics anymore with people. She said, "Both you and your husband are disabled!" Well that is true, it's probably one of the main reason for our poverty. Being disabled doesn't rake it in. There are tons of costs built in from that alone. All these medications, doctors, supplements and gluten-free food, cost money.
One weird thing is she kept telling me the economy was great as I was watching our life implode and trying to help husband job hunt which was a fruitless endeavor. That still happens with people. That's part of the national gaslighting too. The rich people who often live in nice suburban areas, and don't see much poverty or only see it as a "rare" part of inner city ghettos and some rural enclaves like in West Virginia, really see America as "rich" and if you say things like the economy is not going well, they get angry at you. I thought I could open up to this friend but know I overdid it.
I suppose they don't want their own fortunes to change, that makes sense. I don't want more well off friends to be poor. Anyone who can escape this, all the better for you and your kids! However for us poor people, it adds to the invisibility quotient. All those people on Youtube, probably should be prepared for that reaction. "You are just one guy or gal, you failed, America is the richest country on the earth!"
Life for the poor and working class can be weird among liberals, you can see endless articles bemoaning why has the working class joined MAGA? This is one of the reasons why. I've written about how as they banged on about "white supremacy", the existence of poor whites seemed negated. None seemed to understand that if many of us Americans were falling into the abyss, that meant inner city African American poverty had to be worsening too. The left denied the real circumstances and basically told the working class and poor to shove off. I wrote about this already, this is why Trump won. I don't think most are getting it even now except a few more empathetic liberals I know.
My husband is still a Democrat. I told him "Look how poor we are, they don't care about us either!" Liberals are right about some of the bad stuff the Republican party always does to the poor. Always the FIRST thing is to put the disabled to the chopping block. It's the rare person who arrives at my conclusion that both parties only care about the oligarchy. This stuff is complex, I've voted for a few Democrats to "protect disability" in the past, but at this point, I've stepped away from politics. I may still vote but I'm more detached from it in real life.
The negation of the existence of the poor, the insistence and mythos of "America is the richest nation on earth" has kept a lot of the gaslighting going. Reality is not being faced or dealt with that while there is some money in America, most Americans are doing very badly now. The money has collected at the top, and trickle down was a lie from the start.
If you ignore the existence of people, minimize them, hide them, shove them away with no voice, they aren't living in your neighborhood living hand to mouth hiding on someone's couch or in a motel, I guess they are "out of sight, out of mind". We have massive homelessness happening, it's off the charts. The gaslighting has hidden them. What happens when the numbers grow too large to ignore? They will try and hide the existence of how homelessness is exploding here as long as possible. Here's two videos, I wanted to embed them, but couldn't. Maybe some are shadow banned, I don't know but check these out. People are HOMELESS Living in the Woods and Their Cars Due to the Economy
This channel focused on food prices. He hasn't done a video in awhile. I hope he is okay. I watched it to compare prices here, they were about the same.
Speaking of trying to find community and resources, I looked up mutual aid societies having this weird thought I could find one and that they were groups of poor people at least trying to join resources together. Did I misunderstand the concept? This town didn't have one.
A lot of people are sinking into the abyss out there. Remember I'm not homeless, I have internet access, an apartment and a car. They are hiding the poor in America now, it's part of the gaslighting. They make it so the poor hide out. "We are embarrassed". The tent cities are proliferating all over. There's the hidden homeless too, the people living in motels and with relatives. The people who are seeing the bottom fall out, are all told, "its your fault". They slink away under an air of failure. You see people give up, and I think that's where despair leads to so much drug and alcohol abuse to take the pain away. People always comment on how drug addiction leads to homelessness but very few point out some become homeless and then turn to drugs to numb out the pain.
There is so much gaslighting. Why can't Americans and America be honest about how widespread the poverty and suffering are getting out there? If you don't admit a problem it never will be fixed. Trump is part of the gaslighting always telling us "Lets Make America Great". Why aren't factories being built for more jobs if he really plans to re-industrialize America and bring the jobs back? I am confused. Some things aren't adding up. My running theory is he's shutting down the corporation called America. With the growing poverty and despair, very few realize how systemic and wide-spread this is. It can mess with people's sense of reality.
This is why Blackrock, Vanguard and other companies can buy up all the real estate and raise the rent even in super rural areas and there is no protest. Here's one thing going on few know about, they have been buying trailer parks. Trailer parks were one refuge of the very poor in the USA. If you hit really hard times you could rent a very cheap trailer in a trailer park. You could buy a trailer for far cheaper and pay a cheap lot rent.. That's now over. They have doubled the rent even at the trailer parks.
Here is one bad sign of the growing problems. Even in this richer town, there's the "hidden poor" and we just don't know each other. They could have come from the neighboring poorer area too. We use this food box at a local church, it's outside with open access. I both take and give to this food box. When I go to food pantries, they give me a lot I can't eat or am allergic to, from cereal to canned tuna and salmon to potatoes. I pile some of it up. We took the bags of this food and put it in the box. We went to the box just one day later to see if any new stuff I can eat got added, and almost all of this food was gone. I suppose the quickness of it disappearing said it all. Its a good thing people could use those things and they didn't go to waste.
The American economy is in bad shape. Instead of facing reality, America is gaslighting everyone and us poor people all feel like "throwaway" people. It doesn't bode well for a society or country when your young people are all unemployed or posting videos about how they will have no future. Youth is usually the time where people are eager and anticipate the future with hope.
The Democrats spent all this time gaslighting us. They told us things were great even as the inflation skyrocketed to outer space. Republicans aren't any better for us poor people, they always go after Medicare and Medicaid. No one ever cuts the empire war mongering costs or the 700 bases around the world. Who knows what the tariffs will do to us? Some Republicans have told me they think the USA is going to boom. I wish but I don't see it, Michael Hudson the economist says the American empire is in collapse. The ones in charge here are too greedy. They don't care if everyone's quality of life sinks to the bottom. Should working people be forced to live in their cars?
Look how hard these people work and they are homeless. If someone works full time they should have food and an apartment full stop. America is a crazy place.
Sometimes they do put things in the news, to tell us "some" of what is going on, but they'll never address it. Notice no one is dealing with AI's impact on employment. Do you ever notice how no one questions the "job system" or how it is run?
That would include my husband who got stuck in the contract/gig/freelance gauntlet.
Some people hint to me their lives are economically bad. How did we ever get to this place where we are afraid to tell people our real economic situations? How did we get to this place where most of the poor are invisible and where even their very existence is denied? Why aren't there churches to turn to where one can get real support and pooling of resources instead of David Ramsey lectures or being told to care about "woke" issues that ignore economics? We need intentional communities for the poor and working class not just for rich boomers who can afford the $300,000-$400,000 buy in for the condo at the cohousing center. We need change but the ones in power obviously aren't interested. What's the game plan here to drive most of the population into permanent homelessness? To keep the crushing going with no end in sight? The rest of the world is watching, they see what America is doing to it's own people. They know something is wrong here. The gaslighting about the economy is off the charts.
Politics is a dead end to me. The system is too corrupt. I was reading Thomas Merton's Seven Story Mountain, found this quote, and went to find a meme of it. Politics is the Truman Show. They lie to us just about everything. It is games of money and power. I have no money or power so what can I do? I probably will still talk about politics on here and elsewhere especially if things get even crazier, but how come only a slim margin of people have figured out the system doesn't care about us?
The Democratic party went illiberal long ago supporting authoritarianism, censorship, Covid-crack downs, vaxx mandates, and other insane things as I wrote about on here multiple times. That said, I'm too poor and disabled to become a Republican. Trump just seems to want to smash the Constitution into little pieces. It's a rerun of the usual, giving more tax money to rich billionaires, who seem to want to destroy society in their greed. Neither party represents me or my interests. I will admit on here, I often voted for some Democrats based on my disability needs but that got harder and harder. Things got complicated as I agreed with Democrats on SOME issues and Republicans TOO on others. I simply don't fit either party.
The other week I observed a protest, I used to go protest against Trump and wrote about that here. This was the "Hands Off" protest against Trump. My husband wanted to protest. I didn't, we were on the way to somewhere else.
I told him, "I will stay in the car". We had a front row seat to a local protest. He parked on a front street corner, so I had a first-hand view. He then took his place on our main street, as I stayed in the car. I took some pictures to entertain myself. I'm glad I sat things out because the protest while I agreed with a few things about Musk the trillionaire, and "Hands Off" Social Security, the usual litany of Ukraine and pro-trans flags predominated. Things were much simpler years ago. That was before Covid, the world, and Democratic party went insane. That was before I realized I no longer fit in with whatever liberalism is today.
Where were these people when we were being smashed down by Covid and seeing endless freedom destroyed? Where were they then? It made all the signs about freedom kind of ironic to me. 'There were times I wanted to go out in the streets in a rage during Covid, even with signs protesting giving experimental vaccines to kids. Back then, I looked for fellow Covid protesters but all I found was a Mom's for Liberty club that cared more about banning books than Covid vaxxes.
Will I have to go out in the streets in the future if they cancel Social Security and do even worse? Maybe. Who is there to protest to? Hmm that's a thought. "Vote them out!" seems to be a dead end, when the people you don't want always win.
What about the things I agreed with Republicans on, like ending Ukraine war-[not sure if it has been yet], or ending of mandates or the second amendment? Trump has crossed many lines that bothered me from Supreme Court rulings that gave him immunity to the insanity of sending citizens to foreign prisons like El Salvador. The government in my opinion is turning totalitarian as a whole, it started long ago. Maybe all governments go rogue with time.
Americans had it better than most in world history. That may be over. I warned about NDAA, the Patriot Act and black box prisons years ago, it's not so far of a stretch that all the powers given the administrative branch by Bush and Obama, are now being used by the next president in line. The black box prisons now are overseas. They know it's too far for most people to reach to help their family member.
The protests are all controlled. I noticed the messaging was all dictated by the Soros group, "Move on" with the "Hands Off" message, and "No Kings" message for a later protest. That kind of bugged me. Like people have to be told what to protest about. I was bothered as the messaging seemed all scripted. Many things bothered me about the local protest I observed.
No one protested the economy or cost of living or groceries, or our falling standard of living! No one cared about Gaza [I only saw one sign] or Yemen! There was not one anti-war sign in the mix! [not even one "No war with Iran".] I looked around and had husband drive around a bit to see if I could find some fellow vax genocide protesters or some way-ward fellow anti-war people but didn't find any. I would have gone to talk to them. There were some protests for women's rights and defending trans rights. Not one mention of Covid or what was done during Covid. Some remained masked even now. One guy carried a sign "Trump is the Antichrist", I found that amusing as there's people theorizing that now. How many American presidents are so awful, people have wondered if they are the Antichrist? I remember as a kid counting the letters in Ronald Wilson Reagan's name. There was another lady carrying a sign, "It's time to repent". One guy drove around a car with a Trump 2024 sign plastered to both sides. He was the only counter-protester.
How come reality isn't being dealt with at our protests? Maybe because those are controlled too? Think about it, the controllers don't want the real hard issues dealt with like discussing the real state of the economy. I remain in shock, that there haven't been any protests at grocery stores. There are endless videos out there of private people talking about the economy and how bad it is. How come that's no concern at these protests?
There was at least 500-1,000 people in my small-medium sized town. Everyone seemed to be over the age of 65-70 with some millennials scattered here and there. They were predominantly female too. There was a poster on X making jokes about the geriatric turn-out in their town. It was a Saturday so younger working people could have been there. Our county is mostly conservative so that may explain some of the turn-out.
My husband continued his protesting, he finished up. We said hello to a few church members of the UU church I left. I am still friendly with many at other groups and community events.
Everyone who reads here knows I see both of our main parties as one big uniparty just like most "conspiracy [reality] theorists" do. I won't say I never will protest in the street again. It could happen, if things get nuttier. If they collapse Social Security, I could be living in the street anyway. I'm too disabled to do marches or any of that. I considered being a "one woman" protest and taking some anti-war posters or one's addressing the economy. Something to think about. There was some sad irony that my husband was re-using posters from our 2016-2019 former protesting era.
In real life, after too many lost friends, and troubles, I did go more apolitical and ceased talking about politics on my personal social media. I will talk about them with good friends, on private groups and anonymously under this name. Too many people were drawing lines where they were making everyone they knew pass political litmus tests. I lost a friend for not being liberal enough even though she knew I was not a Trump supporter. I do agree with Republican friends on SOME matters or understand where they are coming from. I have one friend who is a Q supporter to friends who are very liberal and ones who share my "neither party" outlook.
This lady is on to something, when she says "I got a bridge to sell you"...She's right about the government lying to us, and the endless breaking of societal trust. She calls for treating people right again. She sees through the "divide and conquer" game.
I like her down to earth advice.
The news was making me really upset, and I was tired. Covid really changed things for me. There was this one online discussion where this one guy wrote that it was better to focus on things in life, you had some ability to make positive changes in. I thought, "That makes sense. What can I change or be involved in that will bring better things to life?" Lately it's a lot of art stuff. Politics to me became an upsetting dead end. I was in this continual state of anxiety, thinking about it, I struggle with poverty problems, so it's not a good mix.
Maybe some of us hit burn-out, being tired of living in outrage over crappy politicians. I believe Trump IS being used to dismantle the country, I am not sure if it is for deindustrialization or if the elites want to break the USA apart like they did with the Soviet Union. It's impossible for an average person to have all the answers. Sometimes I wish they would just LEAVE US ALONE, instead of doing things like turning off the power in Portugal and Spain. Sometimes I get funny thoughts that the politicians on both sides are such jerks, most of them, humanity would do better to go "no contact" with the lot of them.
I think ALL of them know the USA is collapsing but most Americans except maybe the poorest ones have figured it out. I'm of the mind the best way to go in life now is focusing on local community. That's easier said than done, social division is so extreme now. Find things to make you happy, I spent some time with one friend in that one small town I like to visit in my region this week. We need to build community again. Considering where things are going, it's imperative to focus on community ties and finding peace with people and figuring out something against the "divide and conquer" plans.
Years ago I wondered if I had celiac disease, and had doctors give me the basic panel which I was "negative" on. No one told me people can get false negatives. As I wrote here, I started going to a functional doctor. I told him, "Please find out why I have two different kinds of kidney stones and why so much else is wrong?"
He went deep into my records, even knew things about my abuse history, I think there was access to some counseling records and far more. He did very complete testing on me.
He did some genetic tests on me. I wrote about MTHFR being a problem but I came out positive for HLA DQ8 which is a genetic marker for celiac disease. He told me he diagnosed me based on malabsorption, anemia, and other symptoms along with this genetic test. So it was the test and multiple other clinical signs. It is a bit more complicated for me to do the endoscopy and that. He said I had multiple signs of it.
I went on a gluten free diet, as of December 15, 2024. It is not easy but I have eaten gluten-free since then. I wanted to see if it would improve things. I probably will soon be getting some labs done to see what differences if any there has been, but some things have already changed!
For the first time since 2014, after one of my usual maintenance kidney scans, I have no kidney stones. There was always one or two hanging out in there. I don't get the usual number of small kidney stones like I did before either. Candidas went down by a lot. I can still get bouts of it, but they are far less in number. My blood pressure dropped to the point I had to go off a blood pressure med I have been on for years. My weight sadly has remained about the same. [491 a few weeks ago] I am a bit disturbed my weight is staying the same, we have had less food due to poverty and obviously a lot of foods have been cut out doing gluten free.
Other health problems have worsened, I am having some major muscle/mobility and pain problems probably related to my rheum disorders such as Dermatomyositis. This doctor diagnosed me with MCTD instead of UCTD too, which I think is a more accurate diagnosis. I had to see a PT for my neck, and they did neck X-rays that show degeneration in my bones and some narrowing of vertebrae, I still need to see my main doctor to explain this to me. I do wonder if celiac explains why I lost 4-5 inches of height by my 40s.
I had to leave or die. Just talking with them on the phone was enough to spiral me into an instant illness or infection near the end. Here are the positives and benefits of no contact:
My life had a lot of stress removed, my severe anxiety disorders stabilized, my self esteem went up. No contact kept me alive. I am still disabled, but I would have been dead. My life as an artist improved vastly. I'm putting up a mini-art show of watercolors this week. I showed two paintings at a local artist show this winter. I'm taking an abstract art class with a scholarship. Poverty as I wrote in my last article is still a major problem, but life problems are easier to bear without jeering people. I've had fun with friends doing activities, and have done art and other activities with two friends and zine conferences with another friend.
There's no more abuse, no more stressful phone calls, no more sitting in a living room with a tight grin as people brag about their purchases to you, no more threats, no more name-calling, and no more smear campaigns that you hear about. I'm sure those continue and life becomes a lot less work.
So some may ask, well what is the dark side? If you don't regret it, why focus on the dark side? I think for those of us who have been on this road for sometime, it's better to talk about the realities. Newbies need to know the score. Some websites almost make it out like you go no contact, and voila, you are healthy, a new mecca of a new life awaits. All problems are solved. Well life doesn't go that way anyway. If one manages to escape destroyed health from the narcissists and to obtain a "career". life can be a bit easier but we all face some challenges in going no contact. Here are the negatives or better said the price of no contact.
In most toxic families, the narcissists, sociopaths and narcissists rule the roost. Look at humanity, they let psychopaths rule on the macro [most politicians] so those are the types in charge on the micro. Sadly many human beings give into cowardice, and for many it's just following whatever is easiest, and easiest for most of these people is blocking out the scapegoat and following the status quo. I wrote about how the system all revolves around itself, and it is the very rare person who says the emperor or empress has no clothing.
If you do make that decision to leave, for many of us it means losing the entire "family", that means down to the last cousin, nephew etc. The power dynamics of narcissistic control is that 99.9% will all side with the toxics in charge. They will go where the wealth and power is and often that's not the scapegoat. We mourn the people we wish we had in our lives and it can be hard over the years to see the normal people who all have families, of origin or creation. Family forms a big part of normal people's lives, and for people like us, it's simply not there. Lack of family can be even harder on those who were unable to have families of their own. Some of us go and find friends who are family or who find love and commited mates, some have children but I've met many scapegoats who have been alone in this world too.
Most people don't understand people who don't have families at all. I keep it secret from most. A writer's group learned about it from me writing parts of Fat Pat in group, and inner circle friends found out but with most, I don't talk about it. Being lonely is better than being abused, but the price of no contact for many of us is no longer having a family.
The things you learn via no contact can be harsh task masters. One thing some of us learn is that no real relationships existed. Sometimes it can be shocking that you can be gone for years and years, and none of the roost break away or even care that you are gone. I'm used to this now, but I supposed it surprised me how much in control the narcissists were, even the ones who were financially independent. One thing you can discover is that you left, and to the ones you left behind, you really didn't matter. Your absence didn't affect their lives in anyway. Sure the main narcissist continued hoovering, but no one else tried to reach out or connect with you or talk to you at all. When enough time passes, relationships are over, the ten-year marker definitely means everyone is a stranger. A nephew I last saw was 13, he is now 25, I have no idea who he is nor him me.
Some of these can be shocking revelations, you think thoughts like "I really didn't have a relationship with any of these people.". It can be hard to face how empty the relationships were. There was more imagination holding them together or the titles "This is my cousin" rather than any real knowing of each other. I knew because I lived so far away and was too poor for much contact this ended the relationships too beyond the abuse, at least with the ones there was less toxicity like the cousins. With the years, I did teach myself to focus on people who did care about me instead, and who were THERE in my life, but how could one even begin to explain this to outsiders, how a narco-path erased you long ago in the eyes of your family? I do think family is dying out in America at least for white people, many are talking about how family is no longer the same. One reason is lack of proximity--family simply doesn't work when everyone lives hundreds to thousands of miles from each other. The boomers had money to travel to stay in contact with relatives but most people don't now. Another reason is narcissism spreading itself, there's no more collective cooperation among families anymore, it's all competition. Loyalty and love exist in some families, I'm sure but it's getting short in supply.
Going no contact can have this air of "giving up", and almost feels like a loss, you break away and hand the cards over to the dealer and walk out of the casino. The door is shut. I had dreams about changing things for the better, and trying to "win" the care and connection with family but if that is not there from the beginning it's never going to happen. That's a hard revelation too, and no contact means putting an end to those dreams. I had the dreams, that maybe one day my niece could get to know me or that cousin, may have courage to see me as a person too, beyond my mother's opinion. They just saw me as the worthless broken mess my mother described me as being. I knew these things were never going to come true. I couldn't waste any more years, energy or time trying.
One dark side of no contact, I suppose is realizing how disappointing human beings can be, and that my entire family were nothing but disappointments to me. I was considered a major disappointment to my parents, but all of them disappointed me far more than they ever were. The feeling of being let down can be immense. Some of us lost in the fog and more don't even realize the extent of our abuse and as the onion peels over the years, some of the revelations can be shocking. These revelations can be hard to confront. I faced sometimes as a child and young adult where my safety simply wasn't cared about and realized the implications of this and more.
I'm not sure most human beings carry around the burden of knowing how deep rejection can go. That probably is one of the dark aspects of no contact. We have no kinfolk. I do think it would have been the same to be in foster care or an orphan. All of us scapegoats are essentially emotional orphans when you get right down to it. We became invisible the very day are egg and sperm donors decided to turn us into non-people by scapegoating us. I do think there are some things that can happen to people where the effects are life long. Healing means going day by day, but it doesn't erase the past or what you had to go through to survive. Don't let anyone judge you but God Himself. Once I was done with that it helped a lot.
We can end up with permanent baggage. We may even face the facts "we can't fix everything". I can't fix the health problems I had start as a minor. I know there are life long psychological effects of having a mother who could not love or connect. There was a certain point I thought, "This is me, you get what you get and I am tired of not being enough", and decided I was.
I can't fix the fact that socially I will always be nervous to certain extent or do away with autism etc etc. One major thing we realize we can't fix is we have to face the facts that we chose to go without a family and no longer have one as we go no contact. I did learn to deal with these things better over the years. I don't even want to describe the people who gave me crap over not having the right emotions at the right time. "Its time to get over it". Some even got pissed I still write about the family or these issues. "How dare you! "You need to move on" For me a giant break through was feeling, saying and doing what I wanted and not letting others tell me what to think or feel. I got enough of that in the family who tried to smash all of my personal self-regard and direct me like a puppet they want to make invisible. Thank goodness for my supportive friends. My eyes opened to much more as the years flipped on by, the endless secrets, the things I talked about in that last article about the family's connections and lies. One dark side of no contact was realizing I never had a family at all. I'm glad over all I did it. My life is not easy but life would be impossible if I had stayed. I don't even think I'd still be alive right now. One can find themselves no longer being lost in the whirlwind of hateful narcissists and their minions.
