Friday, August 29, 2014
Ollie Matthews Video: Everyone Failed You!
Language warning on this one. Ollie Matthews is an ACON who talks about having faced narcissistic abuse and moving on from the Narc abusers. While as a Christian I wish the language was a bit cleaner, him sharing his experiences has helped me a lot. It has told me I am not the only one who has faced these things. He has many other good videos, check those out. He does advocate going no contact which is advice I agree with.
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Haven't seen this one yet but I plan to. This is the point I have worked myself around to. Like man....... everybody just stood around and watched our mother consume us all and then rewarded her for destroying the family by throwing her the keys to the "car".
ReplyDeleteYes he has some good warnings in this one. Mine open the door, hand her the keys and cheer her on. Did you read my aunt article, I added a post script. That cousin's reaction is a bit surprising. I know I have to give up. I would have to shut off my brain completely to go along with these people's program. It boggles my mind wondering how things came to be this way. I have to tell myself, "you can't fix it'. You are done. I think when one is NC for a long enough time, while you are focused on the head narcs, you start seeing the flying monkeys and enablers for what they are. You realize at what levels they have betrayed you too. Just wait til I write about that aunt. Wow...
ReplyDeleteI'll fall back and reread that. My ability to look myself in the mirror is more important than any transitory gain I might get siding with the narcs and flying monkeys.
ReplyDeleteYes please do something crazy is going on. I know with the psycho-city you were forced to live in with your NM that you may understand why I am wondering what is behind the scenes or motives for all the lying. I understand wanting to look in the mirror. I never could be a bootlicker or tell lies for narcs. They hated me for that reason alone.
ReplyDeleteDealing with the narcissistic abuse from childhood is hard. I find I am going through a rabbit hole and I'm angry too.
ReplyDeleteI do too. I have more writing to do here soon. I am facing some very crazy stuff. Rabbit hole doesn't even begin to describe it. I know for years I wanted to avoid dealing with this stuff and repressed it. Now I know why. This is hard.
DeleteHe speaks the truth. I wish I could be like him and just show my face and if I'm not anonymous then I would have a lot more validation. Right now it just feels like they are just at home shaking their heads, judging me cause I can't handle things or I'm just "depressed". This isn't reality.
ReplyDeleteYes he does. I wish I could show my face on here too. I have worried about if this blog is discovered. Let's just say violent tempers and my family go together in one toxic stew. I know mine judges me. Ugh....Yes they will all tell themselves it is your fault.
DeleteOllie is the real deal. Joan, my mother is dead and buried and I still feel judged by her. My sister told me a story about how her first day at her first school in first grade, my mother made her walk to school alone. When she got there they called my mother and made her come down and register her properly. Which resulted in her raging at my sister when she came home at the end of the day. I know this is true because every school after first grade and when I started one of the multitude of new schools in the towns we bounced around, she did the same thing to me. It makes me think of Marlon Brando in " On the Waterfront" where he flips out on the cab and starts yelling out how he might have been somebody if someone had looked out for him just a little bit.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you still feel judged Q. I know I am judged by the entire family. You all won't believe some of stuff I have gone through lately. They do that where they blame and rage on you for not fulfilling responsibilities or over someone else's displeasure with them.
DeleteI was just thinking this morning how it felt when I got "caught" at a mental facility where I was trying to seek out some help. By my aunt. Word got around and then my mother and sister began harassing me. Hateful phone messages were left here by them and I wasn't even living here yet. I just met my husband and we were only dating. It would be funny if it wasn't so disgusting.
ReplyDelete