Saturday, August 6, 2022

The Trouble With God and Religion


 from suffering is my hobby...


This picture sums up why I deconverted and how. God stopped being a friend and just became this big jerk in the sky who seemed to enjoy hurting me. It got it's jollies torturing me. As I have written, I worry that we are now in the apocalypse.  All of that doesn't make me feel happier towards God, just that more suffering will come and for too many people. God will blow up the planet, and let us all have endless plagues unleashed upon us. My studies of Revelation lasted for years. All the worse conspiracies and bible prophecies I studied all seem to be COMING TRUE. 

I wonder how many deconverted from Christianity because we were told essentially "If you always pray to God and have faith, God will make your life easier and better and He will help you!" For many of us things didn't pan out that way. There is this one legitimately NICE woman I went to high school with. I'm friends with her on Facebook. It is sometimes weird to see how the lives of my classmates turned out. My disabilities are pretty severe but my life is nowhere like theirs.

 She always treated me well with my autism/weight even when we were in high school. She became a United Methodist pastor. She believes in God and Jesus. She's had a good life and had several kids and grandchildren today. She is financially well-off and close with her family from childhood and her children. I like her and always have. She posts things on her wall that she is "blessed" and she is right. I am thankful I have a husband and food/apartment etc, but this was a world I never could relate too.

 She sees the world as a "nice" and "happy place. Why wouldn't she? God definitely seems to care about her.  In this case, she is not evil or a narcissist and she is nice to the down and out. Maybe God has blessed her with a nice life and she will go to heaven. When I became a fundamentalist years ago, I know it was because I wanted to "fix" my life and get things sorted out. I sincerely wanted to do what "was right" Would Christianity had worked out for me, if I didn't have so many bad things happen and so many losses? Would I still be a Christian if I had stayed in my old rural town? Maybe I would have. God let me down on so many levels, it's hard to explain. 

Sometimes I have wondered why some people get such hard lives and some good lives. This lady has happiness, wealth, good marriage, family, and more. Perhaps she is one of God's chosen. Remember this is not someone I bear ill will towards. She is kind to me. Now let's take someone with a crummy life, and I am not talking about me, but I've known people who have far HARDER lives then me.

Yes I am the "forever victim" to some internet snobs, but there's people who had a far harder path. If you look at some third world countries with lack of access to clean water or food or those living through active combat, their lives suck beyond measure. Some of the people who had worse lives than me had health issues as bad as me, but died far younger and had no support whatsoever, there was no spouse in their case. Severe stage Lipedema has taken people I know. Some of them ended up in poverty or died at ages younger than me like two online friends.

It's horrible to contemplate how God plays favorites. The worse thing about traditional Christianity is how they never had good answers for suffering, it was always "your fault" or "your sin" or "you lacked faith". In my case, the promises of healing were given if I strengthened my faith or was "delivered". Some of the coldness I see now worries me on the right, where they chastise people for feeling afraid. Why wouldn't people be afraid as society seems to be collapsing and they are threatened with plagues whether you believe those plagues are real viruses or not.

Sometimes my thoughts ponder "things not turning out". My life was one trying to jump through all these hoops and being told I was not good enough. Getting old with massive regrets sucks. The only thing it seems that didn't go bad was marriage. His life hasn't been easy and he deserved a lot better too. My happy high school mate, isn't burdened with regrets. She's working on a vacation home, and volunteering at a homeless shelter. The world to her even with Covid remains a pleasant place. 

The religionists often copied the messages of my parents.  I remember how excited and eager I was getting circa 2016 and on, about taking my life in a new direction and it seemed doors were finally opening  and maybe I would feel the place of belonging I once had in my old community and have some direction and new happiness. There was hope, joy and light. Then Covid came. 

Speaking of this stuff, I got one worry going through my head, how come all these people I try to help always end up worse off? My prayers for others never worked either. Everyone who got cancer died. I have tried to explain to Christians on my way out the door, how this hurt. 

 There's now this other woman who hates my guts who I tried to help. She just cut me off. My other autistic friends say neurotypicals often misunderstand people with autism and they had neurotypicals cut them off for the same reason. My husband thinks these people just use me as an emotional trashcan and dump me when things don't go their way.  My help was sincere. I never had money or things to give them but would try to come up with ideas However I did start to ask how come so many people I cared about [well I found a few false friendships in that mix] have everything default to the bad? It's this kind of stuff I really wonder about. Why couldn't their cancer be healed? Why couldn't they get help to come out of poverty? Why did it go so wrong? My one friend who died last year had a very hard life including time in homelessness, and she died so young. 

Why do so many negative events happen in this world? When I deconverted I thought "Oh I must return to rationality" but one thing I realized is our leaders really truly are evil. Millions have died and if warnings about the clot shots come true there will be many more millions. 

Humanity does have a psychopath problem. There's a feeling in this life of being trapped like GroundHog Day. The same bad stuff happens. I barely stay afloat. I'm chopping celery at 10pm to make a "healthy dinner" because I fell asleep. We are low on money again, and I'm figuring out how 30 dollars will feed us for three days in the early hours. My ears are ringing like crazy today. I do ask "Why are things so hard?"

 I feel overwhelmed often. Maybe this is autism and some lacks on my part via problems like ADHD, deafness, severe medical problems. However it does seem to be even beyond my failings. So many bad things seem to happen, and I do recognize the good but there's a point in life where you feel like you will fall into the sand trap constantly. I get the feeling that those who feel "blessed by God" seem to have very different lives. Many of us arrive at the point where we feel like God is just another being that wants to hurt us over and over.  Of course Christians will say that's Satan doing those things but where's God? Where's the intervention?

Traditional Christianity basically failed for me, because it didn't have an workable explanation for human suffering and my own. I saw too many suffer horribly and not things that worked out for any good end either.  I remember being upset about all those kids starving in third world countries and asking a pastor or two why God allowed this to happen. Whenever I talked to pastors and others, the underlying message was always "It's your fault" and it boiled down to bad things happen to bad people and good things happen to good people. One pastor told me regarding the third world countries, "Its because they worship demons." Now that sounded messed up. Now some would claim Christianity has been messed up by the prosperity gospel in general but that message was all over Christianity. "God will help and protect you." When those promises fail, so wonder people leave.

Even for years after I left, while I still like Jesus and His teachings, Matthew 24 seems to be in full swing now too, in the dark of night, I would wonder, "Why didn't God love me or my friends? Why did He allow so many lives to come to total ruination? Why did He let my small town be destroyed and uproot my life there? Why am I now in my old age in a dystopian? Why is He allowing these oldsters to destroy the earth and millions of people? Why aren't I allowed to be happy?"

Lately I've been studying Gnosticism. I am not a Gnostic just studying these things as "theories". At this point in life with religion I don't think I am ever going to arrive at any final answer especially when I made the fundamentalist error of thinking I had it all in the bag. So it's religious theories. More and more I think truths are scattered among alot of lies. The powers that be use religion for control but there's truths about the golden rule and perhaps some about cosmology.

It sometimes has concepts that are hard to wrap ones mind around but they do see the God of this earth as "evil" and harmful, the Demiurge wants to make us suffer and created the flood and other life troubles. The God of the Old Testament in their lexicon is a different figure than the Creator God that Jesus Christ followed. Some are Gnostic Christians who believe the messages of Jesus were skewed, I believe along that way a bit believing that the blood sacrifices and whole death focus was added in later. Others are not Christians.

They believe this world is a place of suffering, a "prison planet" ruled by archons who feed off "loosh" or human suffering. At least they admit this world is a vale of tears unlike modern day Christians who focus on how blessed they are. I had this weird thought as society has disintegrated and the world we see in old movies with loving families and connection disappates, why wouldn't more people believe this way? Something is very wrong here. Can "I'm a blessed Christian"/prosperity theologies last in a dystopian world? It makes me wonder where religion will head in the future. In times of crises people usually do turn to religion. I can see the present day prosperity evangelicalism falling maybe to be replaced by something else.

 I sometimes see the constant stress on self-improvement to be a matrix trap, the monied, the thin, the normals do well in this life but many do not anymore. I agree one does not want to keep walking down the sidewalk falling down in the same holes. Some of us the very lack of money is a trap in itself. I don't feel there was always that many options if that makes sense. Like the net was closed. I've come out of severe poverty acouple times or made moves to new places that worked out. Once I saved self from homelessness doing an extreme move, but it's like a life of being chased. You don't succeed you merely survive. I don't feel as much control over it as they tell me I should have. Usually it's me outrunning some form of a threat related to an unpaid bill or medical problem. LOL

 My family used to call me a failure but they helped to set it up that way. God just became another finger wagger pointing out my faults. A time in life came where I needed a nice God who would comfort me and that wasn't being found in fundamentalist Christianity. Jesus always seemed nicer to me but the cruelty of God was strewn throughout the Bible especially in the Old Testament. This is where I came to my beliefs about hell.

The message in our society is the people with the good lives are much more deserving. I don't know. Sometimes I wish I could watch a day to day life of one to see how they pull it off, but maybe they are so busy, I would pass out trying to be them. They all do seem to have confidence and families that love them and a sense of belonging, I do not relate to. Their brains work with focus and purpose, they do not worry. Some seem better off not thinking about things too deeply and maybe their superficiality gives them an edge. They aren't troubled about new world order or matrix and God is this nice guy in the sky who loves them. They aren't a weirdo fat autistic who thinks about things too much, they get things done. I'm over 50 years old so have to accept, that I am not like these normal people.

Did they all make the choices that brought them these lives or was it a spin of the dial and beneveolent spirits or deities around them like this lady believes God to be to her. Wouldn't believe in God as loving come more naturally if you've had a good life and feel like things will work out? Wouldn't it impact your religious beliefs. 

I'm in a strange period now, I feel like science and liberalism have failed me utterly. I knew they had limits but with science being used to harm and basically some of the warnings about transhumanism I learned in fundamentalism coming true, it's disturbing beyond belief. The human genome is being invaded by the mRNA. When I was a Christian, I went deep into Revelation, and Revelation 13, when you know how to translate the Greek plainly says that "Pharmakeia" will fool the entire world. What's going down now? Let me give you an example of my fundamentalist reading material circa 2009.

Read this and ask yourself does any of this sound familiar now?

"I warn of a day when true humans may unknowingly receive transhuman instructions via an implant or injection. A seemingly innocuous vaccine or identification ‘chip’ can initiate intracellular changes, not only in somatic or ‘body’ cells but also in germline cells such as ova and sperm. The former alters the recipient only; the latter alters the recipient’s doomed descendents as well.”

https://www.contendingfortruth.com/transhumanism-vaccinations-dna-and-corrupting-the-seed-of-mankind/

Remember this was written in 2009, I used to read this guy's stuff all the time and read it years ago. I used to write about transhumanism on my old conspiracy/bible prophecy blog. I even knew about CRISPR and all that. 

I probably am not a agnostic anymore but believe in a Creator God though obviously I don't want any return to the domination and authoritarianism in Christian evangelicalism and fundamentalism. Hell still seems very wrong to me. That's the Universalist side.  I still see goodness in the teachings of Jesus and some of the Bible. I envy those with strong faith that does comfort them.  I'm hanging out with Christians online on some issues of the day. The world definitely is in some huge battle between good and evil now, that's a given. The failure of the liberal world to stand for freedom was a wake up call but even then I still see the dangers of the right wing world. DeVos, Thiel, and the Dominionists aren't our pals either. 

Oh if you are one of those people who think MAGA is going to save the day, and ignoring how Trump was behind Operation Warp Speed, don't get too excited. Tucker Carlson and the rest don't care either. The right wing still supports the same technocracy matrix they are now building the bars for. Take a look at this company owned by Peter Thiel and what it plans to do. Google Palantir. One page talks about vaccine compliance with employers. They plan more of this stuff. I talked about this in the last article too.

There's people in other religions realizing the evil of what is happening too. I have found that to be interesting. There's New Age and other websites warning about the spiritual harm being done via Covid vaxxes and more. Lately I do wonder if Jesus really did warn us all of what was coming. I don't want back in the fundamentalist and evangelical cage, but one chapter in the Bible I think of all the time is Matthew 24. Lately I do remember a lot of my old Bible studies and there's too much happening now not to think of some of that stuff. 

I think about this religion, and I am ex-Catholic as well, and how it operates on the DOMINATION level. Everything is about conformity and making you submit. And you are not allowed to have thoughts that question anything. Even your own thoughts can be a "sin" like "mind control" and that bothers me too. Maybe I am too autistic to do religion well. There seems to be a demanded conformity. I did that one speech on technology but my world view is so complex. They'd probably flip their lids if I told them what I thought about bible prophecy. Some folks would probably double flip their lids, if they knew I was watching videos on bible prophecy and scripture. I have been kind of troubled by all the spiritual underpinnings of Covid, the lack of truth, the lies, people's embracing of what is illogical and based on delusion. When I boil things down, I think humans should honor what is true [also what is good] that's being lost in this Covid mess. 

I told one guy online, 

"And you are right I don't agree with a lot of Christianity. A lot of it was spiritual and psychologically abusive and spiritually another prison. I still like Jesus a lot and his messages but believe everything was SKEWED to the max by the priests, religions and powers that be. Everything is focused on DOMINATION and SIN and HELLFIRE now."

Religion is a prison for humanity. I think the prison planet people got that piece right. I think Christianity [not teachings of Jesus] got scripted for domination and control, it's multilayered."

I wrote this to someone else on a message board too. 

"I think religion got skewed making everything about evil sins and God being turned into an abusive parent who is ready to whip everyone's butts with a big belt and then throw you into eternal flame--would be considered a sociopath/serial killer if it was a human in the real world. This is a messed up view. I don't think this is what Jesus intended. Guess that's the Universalist in me speaking. As for creating my own God, due to my own conscience, I can only worship one that is about love and compassion, and cares about human beings. Human beings love revenge, hell is about human desire for revenge.

 I have no problem with a God of love protecting the innocent from the wicked, etc, but even the idea that God cannot change the wicked is kind of messed up. Human prisons are more merciful [in western nations] then sending someone to burn forever in hell. With spiritual abuse and more, and what I see among deconverts, Christianity has a massive problem, the coldness, authoritarianism, cruelty, etc, is showing itself especially among evangelical and fundamentalist circles. "

All that said, running to the world of liberalism, and secularism, that has provided no foundation of truth. All our institutions have gone to levels of never dreamed of corruption. I can't believe what I see people accepting, believing and embracing. Maybe my religious past as a Christian fundamentalist applies to today. Maybe I can't fully erase some of what I used to believe. I probably will remain a religious outliner for life, I even remained in the UU by default, since I am technically a Universalist and see some truth in other religions [not all] but obviously I've been on some different roads.

 I figure God can deal with me the best way He can. He will know what I went through. The threats of hell, teachings that you deserve everything bad that happens to you, etc, are harmful to human race. Until humanity grows up beyond seeing God as their revenge maker and abusive parent, we are probably doomed for worse. Even all those elites who desire so much power and money, are trained in a system that is all about domination, winning and who has the MOST POWER. Be careful of the view of God they want everyone to have.

I still don't know why God allowed so many bad things to happen. Trying to figure that out will just keep a person going in circles. 

 I analyzed my bad choices in life, but a lot seems wrapped around sheer illness or brain functioning problems and fatigue. I don't feel like I chose some outcomes. I did do marriage right but I worry about his suffering too in this world. 

This world doesn't make any sense to me anymore. Maybe I am in the middle of another spiritual crisis. There's got to be others like me out there knowing something is really wrong and realizing how hard it is to grasp the language to describe it. We are in a battle of good and evil. Everyday I wake up hoping there is a good Creator God out there who will make it all right. Maybe that's something I never lost belief in. 

Love and Truth Waxing Cold in the Days of Covid

 


Hmm interesting cartoon.  Maybe the answer is to leave the internet and "regular world".  Some of us don't have the physique and means for that escape but it sounds like the best option. Consider it if you have the health and resources. Where's the best place to go during full societal collapse? I'm screwed anyhow since I depend on this complex lung medicine to stay alive and many others.

I worry the internet is forming our reality. When you only get to talk to a few people, how is one supposed to know what is going on? In the past talking to people and personal observation came first.

My husband depends on the internet for employment so won't be shutting it off. I grieve however over the loss of having a "real life". This cartoon does add to my feelings of wanting to sell everything off and running away to the most remote, down home, backwoods area I can find in the USA or my county. I need all these medical specialists/air conditioning/bus so moving is not in the cards. Oh I wanted to return to my old town years ago of course. At least more rural people seem to talk a little bit about what is really going on. Maybe some do in the inner city too. When we do go out, I feel better in more rural areas. Fortunately I live in a county with plenty of boonies. There's even a few little towns really in the middle of nowhere here.

Maybe it's time to just sit back and watch the show. There's nothing more we can do. Those who warn just appear "crazy" to the normals. So it's a waste of time trying to be the Covid Whisperer. I was wise to keep my mouth shut in real life after I tried to talk to a few people and got very bad results. You can't keep people from destroying themselves, a lesson I learned long ago. People are absolutely clueless about medical things. 

It's scary to me how repressed so many people are now. No one is admitting any emotions about what is going down. I do not relate to the normals at all. I smile on Zooms, they all have lives, I don't. How are their buckets of money so bottomless to take endless vacations? Did everyone as poor as me just sink below the waves? I don't see many people in real life so most of my social masks are for Zoom. I'm in shock the streets aren't full of the new homeless but maybe they moved in with relatives or are hiding out in the woods. 

I considered going out and protesting the madness, but no one wants a target on their back. The local Covid questioner group banned me for being in the UU church, and being a "known liberal".  They only focused on the school boards and getting pro-maskers out. Sometimes I wonder if they are funded by extreme right wing people too. They had a MAGA rally this week. It's probably good I didn't get with that group either.

Remember my predictions about the USA turning ultra right wing?

My voting ballot scared the hell out of me by the way. We had liberals who only talked about gay rights and supported all the Covid madness, but then when I looked at all the Republican candidates on the primary ballot, it was all fundamentalist preachers, Liberty University people [my state is not in the South BTW], and those who want to make abortion illegal.

I hate abortion but these types want abortion illegal even in cases of rape, incest and would be death of the mother. One guy was a New Ager of some sort but at least 4 of the candidates were full blown Dominionists. It was troubling to realize all these people were against the Covid vaxx mandates like me and some of the other craziness, so I liked that about them but they brought other horrendous baggage.

If you think Tucker Carlson, Trump and the rest are going to save the day....think again. Go research who Peter Thiel is and what the company Palantir is about. Google Palantir, go see the page that wants to manage "vaccine compliance" for employers. I dare say they aren't going to give up trying to shove mRNA down everyone's throats. It doesn't work and they don't care. When I was into conspiracy I learned long ago, they use both sides against the middle. The right supports the technocratic prison cell they are building too. They very easily could scrap the failed vaxxes and push a new one full of mRNA they claim will "work".

We under a huge psychological operation, most people are asleep and don't see it. Even having endless people get sick and fall down dead and vaxxed people getting Covid isn't waking people up. I may as well show you all my Covid vaxx harm list. Why not? I wrote it all out.

My list of people I personally know harmed by the Covid vaxxes.

50s, male clot in leg, survived has had Covid in his household at least 3 times. Leg clot was right after being vaxxed.

50s. male, right after vaxx, got multiple blood clots in lungs almost died.

40 something, 2 females, both complained of extreme fatigue and never feeling the same again. Refused all boosters.

50s male, constant bouts of tachycardia after vaxx, hospitalized multiple times. Later got Covid when at hospital.

30s female, seizures, moments of aphasia, doctors haven't diagnosed her yet, used to be healthy. Doesn't connect seizures to vaxx but came up right after being vaxxed.

50s female, seizures right after vaxx, I think they have or had cancer now too. Never had seizures before.

female 70s in bed for weeks after first vaxx, considered it "worth it" but was made ill enough to go to hospital at this time.

female 70s, had to go to hospital right after vaxx, various symptoms, was healthy except for a few problems, third stage kidney failure a short time after the vaxx.

female 50s, stage 4 cancer--from Covid lock downs, now deceased. She was given 2-4 years to live, took vaxx, they pushed it on her, [close friend of mine so this was horrible] she died within a few months.

Multiple people who said they were in bed with flu like symptoms [sounded as bad as Covid itself would be] for 1-2 weeks after various vaxxes. Online friend is now sick from fourth booster. Of course they all say "it's worth it." A few of these people DID go to the hospital for the bad symptoms.

I know at least 15 fully vaxxed people who all got Covid. The vaxxes have failed. At least 6 had hospital level Covid with pneumonia. The garbage doesn't work.

See anyone waking up? Maybe some are muttering finally. If you know please write about it here. Add your own list in the comments, lets compare. 

The rate of Covid cases are rising.  I don't know if this is fake PCR or Covid or what or them all getting false positives from colds and their destroyed immune systems, has risen fast. This is to the point that in four groups I am associated with at least 6-15 have gotten Covid in the last two months. I know of a business where everyone got it, husbands, entire families etc. It's the beginning of August not exactly cold and flu season right?

It's the elephant in the room no one can talk about. I went silent. Have some tell you that you are "crazy" for saying the emperor has no clothes and you realize for safety's sake you need to shut up. It would be the same if it was 1935 and everyone was saluting the guy with the funny mustache and you knew he was an asshole, but didn't want to end up in a camp. The less that know my "status", the better off I am. However I am at the place where I look at this in amazement and think what is wrong with these people? 

 The fact the clot shots are obviously ineffectual and have done untold harm to people is being ignored. Here's a website where they compiled all the research studies of bad effects from the Covid vaxxes. These health problems are all severe and life changing but still the lemmings go flying over the cliff. What can I say to people where the damage is already done? What can I say to the ones still lining up for their fourth booster? 

Others speak the truth about how the system is collapsing and rotten to the core, but most just follow and don't care. For some reason it all doesn't seem to touch them. 

I may not talk about Covid anymore online.  I will here but in most places the censors and astroturfers are out in full force. They do come after you.  It's not worth the battles. Twitter is good for gathering information but if you step outside your bubble, then the hammer falls. Any posts outside the "norm" they crack down on so you just end up preaching the choir. The majority are not interested in the truth. I have to save my energy for myself now. My health is in a decline and I'm tired a lot. 

It's not good that my reality is mostly online now. I get a few snippets of conversation here and there, with a few awake local friends--the extreme exception and oddly a few country people who I can talk a little with. One told me the other day, "It's these people who have taken the boosters, who keep getting sick over and over".

Since I wrote Is it Okay to Get Covid Over and Over?, more people got it.  They announce Covid cases in one group I'm in and it's constant. That's the world now, where the expectation now is just to go live your life and get a bout of Covid about once every 4-6 weeks. The people I know are getting sick constantly over and over.  This one family I know is on at least their third bout if not the fourth and its spread through the whole household. They are all vaxxed up, but getting some kind of constant intermittant illness with serious symptoms. Maybe all these people just see it as a cold, and not a "big deal" but at this point I don't know what to think.

Some scientists have warned mild Covid can do long term damage. The vaxxes don't stop any of this process by the way. This post of mine on a message board brought out the astroturfers in full froth:

"Some are theorizing that Covid causes long term damage to the human brain. That even a mild case will do it. Until I know for certain what is going on, I have decided to err on the side of caution for now and still wear N95. I probably don't have many years left in my case, am sick, but I've lived many years longer than predicted and going for as many as I can. Lipedema changes trajectory because it's not same as regular obesity. One thing I am noticing in some circles, they are predicting devestating neurological disorders from even MILD Covid. These are dissenting scientists who HATE the vaxxes by the way. I have wondered about this, the elite want a weakened population both mentally and genetically, and they want many of us dead.

So they tell me on the right wing, there's no virus, go live life, don't worry, I am sick of all these people who tell me not to be afraid because I am unsure what is going on. Yeah great for healthy young you, but hey you may be gambling and losing too. As people here know I used to be deep into conspiracy and believe they lie to all sides. Tucker Carlson and others are owned assets IMO, so when they tell you there's no virus, time to examine things.

The vaxxed up left Covid disciples are basically killing themselves with each shot of clot shot juice.

But you think they will leave those on the right who question all this unscathed?

I doubt it.

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-022-30932-1

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/misfolded-spike-protein-could-explain-complicated-covid-19-symptoms?utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter&utm_campaign=social-sharebar-referred-desktop#SARS-CoV-2-and-fibrils

https://cen.acs.org/biological-chemistry/Peptide-SARS-CoV-2-spike/100/web/2022/05?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=CEN

This doctor got banned from Twitter posting this, there's several dissenting scientists I saw banned for warning about brain injury from mild Covid

https://drjessesantiano.com/the-sars-cov-2-spike-protein-can-form-amyloids-seen-in-lung-blood-and-nervous-system-disorders/

https://wmcresearch.substack.com/p/urgent-warning-the-spike-protein

Some have theorized that China knows which is why their lock downs have been so severe, that even mild cases of Covid will cause long term brain injury.

There's other things here where they say it destroys the immune system long term inducing AIDS.

I believe spike protein is poison in both virus and vaxx.

So maybe I'm wrong and Covid is a complete hoax, but I don't think the elite are that merciful.

China seems to know something we don't.

This I believe is why they have told the vaxxed to keep getting Covid over and over and why the right wing owned types say it's all a hoax, nothing to worry about. {Everyone is full of spike proteins as much as possible}

In conspiracy they always lied to both sides against the middle. That always happened almost on every issue.

Some people don't want to face how bad everything is and to what depth they have destroyed our world.

This is all theories, but they banned all the scientists warning of this stuff like crazy, like full and total shut downs on every social media and other outlets. {I was reading their posts on Twitter and elsewhere}

Let me boil this down to one sentence, if Covid is so bad, and they locked down our world in 2020 for this, why are they having Vaxxed people get it over and over and why are these people unconcerned?

Now the hoax people believe the vaxxed people are all just getting colds and the PCR is BS. However even with this theory I asked a few of the vaxxed about their symptoms. Their diminished immune systems causing all this may be a given but when someone I know complains of brain fog from a "illness" that makes it hard for them to think or write, that's something beyond a "cold" isn't it? Some could theorize the vaxx did this to them, but they had otherwise normal weeks leading up to the "new illness". 

 Maybe the vaxxed are all getting sick with something else given their affected immune system but how can we know for sure? Some of the symptoms seem intermittent, coming and going. No one seems to realize how psychotic all this is. I'm on the spectrum. I'm not Spock but I expect a little logic out there and now there's none.

There's all these scientific studies too, about how mild Covid can mess a person up. I don't know if these scientists are all liars, but it seems people would have a few worries about this but I guess not.

We both personally have felt the pressure to 're-enter' society and to stop hiding out. Yes there has been some damaged relationships from this. As I wrote in the last article, I'm like a person who moved away. Some close friends do believe Covid is a hoax and I respect that, they know I am actively examining things, we agree on most but not that one issue. I can deal with that. They haven't pressured me. 

However there's many people now who see hiding out people like me to be "hypochondriacs".  Some have gotten angry, hurt and upset about our fears of catching Covid. With one friend, I can't tell him I fear the shedding, how would they not take that as personal insult?


Some of the vaxxed if they knew I wasn't vaxxed would consider me a "dirty plague rat". I can tell the few who know think I'm nuts for refusing the clot juice. I'm seen as a wicked person who "distrusts science". Some of these people don't know my unusual reading habits.


 Some seem in shock I haven't caught Covid yet and am still alive. 

Outside of reasonable decent friends, some of the Maga crowd who think it's all a hoax, have called me "neurotic", "a coward" and "an idiot". The local anti-Covid mandates crowd would have ran me out of the room for wearing a mask. What I find interesting is as they insult me, no one pays attention to the assholes who allowed all this to happen to us. Baric, Fauci, and the rest all get ignored in the clown show for the role of hell that has now been unleasehd. 

I told husband, I've had the kind of life where I am going to do for myself first and make my own decisions. I think following the crowd now on anything may be a deadly enterprise. Haven't we learned that already about the vaxxes? The pressure to get them was unrelenting. They held out carrots on the stick! "It will keep you from getting infected", they told us and then they changed that to "It will keep you out of the hospital" and that's not happening either.  Some keep claiming the tsnumani of how harmful the vaxxes are is going to break but I'm not sure I believe it. It seems people would have woke up by now. I'm upset they haven't but what can I do about it?

 I told some, I don't want affected by the spike proteins, and I'm not noticing with some worrying interest, that my Meniere's seems to be getting worse whenever I go out in public the day before, when I am in stores around normal mostly vaxxed people. I'm noticing a pattern. The tinnitus was extreme yesterday and today. I was in a few stores on Thursday. 

What if Covid causes real long term damage?

I earnestly really wanted to find out if Covid is really a hoax. I've watched the videos and messages. BTW my husband believes it is real. He has no doubts. 

I made a list which I admit is all ancedotal on one message board, going to add and change a few things here, answering the question "Is Covid a Hoax?" This too like my Covid vaxx victim list is ancedotal too. 

One thing us autistics do notice patterns. I always saw it as one of my talents but maybe now it is a curse, as the world has gone shithouse crazy. I notice patterns and details. The easy peasy answer of "There's no virus" doesn't work, I am trying to figure things out and want to. Maybe I am limited in my ability but do you think I want to live trapped in my apartment the rest of my life? For us disabled this sucks beyond belief. One thing that angers me is the "You have nothing to fear people" don't understand that some of us have seen insane stuff on both ends.

Ok here's the list:

I fear getting it and being messed up. I have enough health problems. Its hard to know who to trust now. I've done explorations, asking people questions about who got it and what the symptoms were, I seem to find evidence for it being real and evidence for it not. Hmm may as well offer you my list, like I listed all the people being messed up from the vaxx. I know online maybe about only 40 percent of people I talk to are real.

Evidence for Covid being a Hoax:

I know people who never have gotten it who believe it is a hoax. or they are immune or they have had mild cases. Yeah I have asked, How come these people who don't wear masks have never gotten Covid?. I know multiple people who fit this category. Now some people who did consider it a hoax did get it and change their minds, but they lived through it and said "It's just a cold". One admitted to me she did have shortness of breath.

I knew very old people who got it and lived, someone in their 90s.

Even in the earliest days, when Delta was around, it seemed around 1 out of 10 people got really sick but rest recovered. It doesn't seem like the vaxxes changed any of that. 

PCR tests seem very dubious. Some people online have told me they have been improved. I have studied about the founder Mullins claiming his test shouldn't be used that way. PCR tests and rapid test antigens if you study up about them have multiple flaws. How many people are being told they have Covid when they don't?

It was strange when some people told me, "I had Covid, [based on a PCR] but their symptoms were minimal almost like they had nothing wrong with them. One complained of fatigue. That could be a normal day. How many of these people are testing constantly and getting false positives? 

How come when three friends I know all went to the hospital with unrelated to Covid problems, they all got diagnosed with Covid? One had COPD, that would be easy to contribute a COPD flare to having Covid. If I have to go to the hospital I plan to refuse, I don't want to be given remsidivir or other treatments. 

Why would elite poison their own world unless they have an antidote? They have kids and grandchildren they want to keep alive. Would they turn the planet into a spike protein mess? Now some here would say incompetence and stupidity led to the biggest screw up in history. 

You never hear about people not having oxygen in their blood short of breathe anymore. [like maybe there was some real SARS at start they released but now its gone] 

Never heard of a virus making a million variants. Other viruses have changed and mutuated like the flu but not this quickly. The constant Greek alphabet names reminded me of when they named hurricanes.

There's ample evidence online of Event 201, and things where they seemed to "plan" out a pandemic.

Never heard of a virus that can do everything and anything to everyone like the super magical genius virus that kisses ass of elite on every score. Seriously Captain Tripps would have been better because at least it'd be over by now

Never heard of a virus humans don't develop some immunity too and get over and over again. Some dissenting scientists point to that as an "achievement" in "gain of function" labs. 

Most of the videos and websites that point to Covid as being a hoax, believe it is via false diagnosis vs multitudes of false positives on PCR tests. They also believe masks don't work and are a lie and that the size of the virus would easily slide through the higher quality masks.

The pandemic was planned endless evidence for that.

Some dissenting opinions point to 5G, other poisoning or bioweapons being responsible for the illness from Covid.

Evidence for Covid being real:

I quizzed people, some told me people really died.

I quizzed people I know who had Covid diagnosis, and symptoms [not one of the asymptomatics] and asked "How was your Covid different from a regular cold or flu?" Some pointed to losing the sense of smell, shortness of breath, funny heart beats and afib, extreme joint pain and other unusual symptoms. One person told me it made their limbs tingle. Another did say to me "It was like I was poisoned" and "it felt artificial". Another person, see below, talked about extreme brain fog. 

My husband did talk to a lady of a couple where the husband died quickly and she almost died of Covid in the early days.

We heard stories of people meeting and at one meeting 15 people all "got Covid", I know about a whole business getting Covid--they reported 6-8 people there at a local business etc. What's spreading?

 This one woman I know online and am sure is a real person said her EMT brother saw people dying gasping for air

I knew people who had relatives die--church members etc. Some were old but some weren't.

I knew this guy who almost died in hospital, online relationship but know he's real for sure, needed 12 units of oxygen [again some of these early folks could be some released SARS at the start of this] His lungs were messed up. He is only in late 40s, early 50s.

I know this one guy who got Covid, he told me it messed up his heart beats--this was prevaxx time. He's been sick a lot, may have long Covid.

Some recent cases they have told me of extreme brain fogs and other weird symptoms, "its not a cold", "I couldn't function", "I was in bed for days" Of course some of this could be pinned on the vaxxes.

What about that Ralph Baric and other "gain of function" jerks, weren't they doing something in those labs?

Why wouldn't elite kill via virus AND vaxx, maybe they do have antidotes, be it boxes of IVM they are denying everyone else, zinc, etc or mixture? I never believed in crisis actors. Have you followed the Alex Jones case recently?

How could all these doctors and others be fooled? I did ask a few doctors, remember I see a LOT of doctors, what is going on. A doctor told me he had seen some people die of Covid, younger people not oldsters. [pre-vaxx] time. I plan to ask one soon when I see him and ask if anyone is dying or not. 

I haven't had a cold or flu during 2.5 years of wearing a mask. That is the longest span of time in my life where I haven't had a cold. I do worry my immune system is being ruined from wearing masks so long. Yes it worries me a lot. This points to masks doing "something". 

Some think it could be a poisoning, 5g or something else is killing people. Very possible. I don't buy terrain theories, have gotten sick from seeing sick people and know who gave me something in the past.

Commenters here have described getting Covid including recently and that the symptoms were far worse then an ordinary cold or flu. 

I know 15 people in last two months who all claim they have Covid. Could be vaxx illness but it's intermittent whatever they are getting. It is obvious to many of us that vaxxed people are getting sick with Covid or whatever far more often. Summer is a dubious time for everyone to be getting a million colds though some could say the vaxxes destroyed their immune systems and that's all it is

Ok all of this is ancedotal. I also think they have muddied the waters on purpose. What else would work to split society in two and drive everyone into madness. Just like narcissists use gaslighting and double-blinds to keep the truth from being known, it's happening here. One question we could say, is "Why not both?" There's a real bioweapon or virus making people sick but the tests are crap, and more are testing positive that should. We know the messaging in general is illogical in general. 

One doctors predictions seem to becoming true. Maybe keep track of how many people you know are getting sick with weird infectious illnesses. Few realize this about monkeypox but there was an outbreak in 2003 out west and it remained control. Dr. Bhakdi is a doctor who warned the mRNA shots would shred human immune systems and bring a cascade of diseases. Very few are talking about this either. When you read about NYC now having polio showing up in the water system and about monkey pox spread, I remember the warnings of Dr. Bhakdi.

" Dr Bhakti is warning of progressive long term collapsing of the injection victims’ immune systems. The injection victims immune systems are tricked into self destruction! With the immune system destroyed as a result of the injections, all sorts of dormant infections like shingles, tuberculosis, Epstein Barre Virus, toxoplasmosis, cytomegalovirus, and other infections, will thrive and destroy lives."


750+ Studies About the Dangers of the COVID-19 Injections – Doctors for COVID Ethics (doctors4covidethics.org)

I don't have all the answers. I'm just a person trying to figure things out. As I said I may not post much about Covid elsewhere, it's talking to a brick wall. I do think disaster is coming. I'm detecting some scary patterns.

Maybe I am too autistic, but I do not understand people's choices lately. Oh I understand people wanting to live their lives, but now that people are getting Covid multiple times it seems even that is not having them hang back a bit. 

What is happening to us, I believe is worse then WWII in many ways and may even cost more lives. We are in a real battle between good and evil here, and evil so far is winning. 

 Add whatever information you can to this post. I want to see and hear what you have in your neck of the woods going on. What are you seeing? What is happening to people? Are they catching Covid a lot? What do you think of the new monkey pox? Are you noticing they aren't even attempting contact tracing on that. Ever ask yourself why? People need to start asking questions and not accepting the illogic of this whole mess.