It Drives Me Crazy That Tammy Left Her Rehab

Around 10 years ago I actually got the application to go into the rehab Tammy Slayton was at, but elected to get at home PT, and other programs and got diagnosed with Lipedema stage 4 in 2014, and got treatments so was working on a lot. I lost a little back then got PT, occupational therapy, my hospital bed and other medical needs met locally and was doing better so did not go in. Remember these are the therapists who helped get me diagnosed. The PTs even noticed they saw visible swelling when I was up and moving around and this was put in the record.

There's times now I consider going into rehab because I am still so heavy and now getting old. It's complicated for me because of major money issues and the fact because I am still mobile, and don't need to be in a wheelchair, I may be deemed unqualified and insurance may not pay for it. Covid worries me too. If I won the Lotto tomorrow, I definitely would sign up for some type of program.

I asked my lymph therapist about a Lipedema/lymphedema specialized rehab but she told me I already do at home what they would do for me. I spend 2-3 hours still a day on leg and body fluid removal. My friend who recently died of cancer spent weeks in rehabilitation and told me, eating is not your problem, and your food quality at home is far higher. You aren't going to get health food, vegan and vegetarian food at most rehabs. This worries me too. I get sick so easily from what most call "normal" food. I've asked doctors to stick me in the hospital to get a 100 off multiple times before. 

The option is far more complicated for me, then it was for Tammy. My weight has been "stable" [515 and 522] are the last weights but obviously not budging even though I am following nutritionist recommendations and also improved kidney/UCTD problems via increased vegetarianism. I worry about my mobility but obviously it's much better than Tammy's is.

That place she was at Windsor is known as one of the best obesity rehab in nation for the supersized and extremely obese. Tammy was dumb to leave, she should have gotten 200 off in her case for functionality. Their program was working for her. 

Here's one thing Tammy has tons of support that many supersized people do not have. She doesn't realize how bad it could get if she did not have that family of hers. I have a husband who is loving but have no family if something happened to him, I would have no one. My family scapegoated me and hated me for being fat as you all know.  My life did improve going no contact. There was no patience for my obesity problems, medically caused or not. My family was well-off and wanted little to do with me even when I was in contact. 

My mother refused to be seen in public with me for 20 years. My siblings had nothing to do with me too. As my long time readers now, even before I went no contact, my sister would do her 10 minute stop offs on the way home from my mothers house and even those stopped. My brother refused to visit and I had no money to visit from my end. Despite her family's endless faults, Tammy's family remained involved in her life. Her sister Amy and Chris while sometimes ignoring their own serious problems or projecting onto her, still have been there for her and tried to help her. She seems to take that support for granted same as she takes the support of social workers, therapists and other programs for granted. 

Tammy is throwing things away all of us wish we could have. I need a therapist now for some anxiety/PTSD related problems--Covid hasn't been nice to. Even the OCD I overcame when young is knocking back at the door a bit. Also continuing recovery from extreme religious cults, while society seems to be going apocalyptical is another issue. I'm hanging in there with my UU church but the love of the Covid narrative there has been very HARD on me. The UUs know about my young adult life in their church and about my time in evangelicalism, but I never talked about the extremes of my fundamentalism. It was just too personal and complicated. 

I can't afford a therapist. The money isn't there. The state people are so overloaded in my area, unless you are hallucinating, they aren't going to have the time or the space. She sits there with a therapist and refuses to answer questions and pouts like a three year old. Maybe she is three years old inside. 

 Even keeping her HOME, to go to rehab, is RARE. That's one thing disabled people lose their apartments to go into rehab, because the rehab is paid by your disability check and you get 30 bucks a month of spending money like for makeup or maybe a book or two. Yes I know how it works. Some households need two incomes to remain afloat. If one income disappears, the household would collapse. That is true of my own.

Tammy has money, family to maintain her home and she ditched the place after 60lbs WHY? While still on oxygen and in a wheelchair? Her eating addiction alone she needs stability and a structured environment. I also find myself wondering why she still has her own guardianship. People know on here, I have warned of aspies and others being abused by seized guardianships, but she seems to be someone with some severe learning disabilities and other problems that is not making fully rational adult decisions. She is someone that system was made for. There's times when it does have a reason to exist and perhaps this is one of those times.  Also I don't think CICO based will power dieting is going to work on Tammy, her hyperphagia or extreme hunger is out of control. She definitely needs more medical testing, perhaps for Prader Willi and other related conditions. I am continuing my battle to try and get genetic testing and more treatment for myself. There's a point where I know I can't fix this. I did what I could. Tammy is in another place where she doesn't seem to care about herself. That's something therapists need to address.

My search for an extreme Bariatric specialist is now ongoing for myself. I want more answers why I am maintaining such an extreme weight and dealing with such hunger pain. After I found out there can be help that isn't always weight loss surgery, I thought I would search for this type of specialist. Someone eating the level of calories I am eating should not be at this weight. I cried when I had to quit my gym you know over stupid Covid, I paid the fees for 18 months hoping I could go back. I'm trying to figure out where Covid is at now, because I have to get some exercise outside of the TV stuff. I'll go rejoin the gym or find another as soon as I can. 

Tammy has access to full exercise facilities and even a pool. She's already had Covid, so she had natural immunity and didn't have to worry about catching it anymore. I have lived socially isolated and wear masks, and it's taking a toll on me psychologically and medically. 

Tammy gets care and help many people could not ever get who are supersized. I do have husband to help me with things, but I noticed Tammy doesn't seem to worry about becoming utterly helpless or bedbound, I fear it, and that is strange to me. Also if Tammy never cooks, does she just order food out? I can spend two hours in the kitchen a day cutting stuff up, cooking and doing dishes. If you are on oxygen too, you are dying. As screwed up as I am with bad lungs--I have to go use my nebulizer here soon for my daily COPD med--I never needed oxygen before though I could one day.  She needed to stay at her rehab. Maybe the family should have just refused to pick her up and say "You need to be there longer" She can't drive so how'd she talk them into picking her up? Her brother Chris, did her a huge disservice.

Getting into rehab isn't always easy if you are super-obese too, she has resources she is spitting on. She needed to stay there. Maybe she should have gone home on a visit and gone back, if she missed everyone. 

Right now Tammy Slayton is on a trach, and many predict she is going to die. I don't find her chances to be that high either. She has severe disabilities both of the mental and physiological type, that have destroyed any wise decision making and seems to be a path to total destruction. She should be in a structured institution or group home at this rate. Sometimes due to my autism and other problems, I know I definitely needed some intense services when I was young, so I say this without judgment.  Tammy's lack of insight and desire to take the help offered could lead to her death. 

I'm trying to figure out what more I can do and what help I can get. It's sad to see someone throw away so much help. 

So Much Makes No Sense

I saw someone on Facebook, they are a vaxxed Covid believer. They went to go visit a ball game of some sort, they were all in an enclosed stadium with 50,000 people. They posted a video of maskless cheering people, every seat was taken.

If the vaxxed are getting and spreading "covid", isn't this a bad idea? This is in a northern state too, more liberal than the one I live in. I noticed looking at the video posted, no one had a mask on. Does this mean most believe the pandemic is over? Did they ban all the unvaxxed from this ballgame, and they see themselves all safe from the boosters and vaxxes? I thought they didn't work on Omnicron......

If a 50,000 plus stadium full of people is okay how come if I traveled to Chicago, I am not allowed to go in a restaurant, even with a KN95 mask on just because I am "unvaxxed"? Honestly I am glad I live in a "red dominated" county, and that's a lot for liberal me to say. The "liberals" have lost it. There's times I do consider that if they brought rules like this where I immediately live, I would go and file a lawsuit the very next day under ADA. I would put the paralegal schooling to some use yet again. 

A friend told me that they think Omicron means the pandemic is almost over and it's now mutated "down" into a cold. Some scientists on my Twitter seem to be differing from this view, while others believe the health problems from the vaxxes are going to snowball. At this point, my household has taken the path of caution but it's hard to know what is going on.  Some posters on Reddit told me, this doesn't mean the freedoms we have lost will ever be given back. I wrote back that they can do this to us again.

 I am trying to live "outside" of all this [doing disabled housewife junk, art, zooms] but it's hard. All these people say people are getting Covid around us. We are living carefully hedging our bets for now....but so much makes no sense. I just want to be able to live my life and be left alone. There's so much we have lost, and for what? Two years of this is long enough. 

Doctors and Scientists Who are Warning About What is Happening

 

I now know two people [formerly healthy and on the young side] who got blood clots from the vaxx. 

There is an endless line of REAL scientists and doctors warning against the vaxxes. Not everyone is bought off by Big Pharma.

I feel caught between the right wingers who helped the powers that be spread this lab manufactured nightmare from the start across country, "its not real", like the powers that be would spare our lives? Than there is the fascist left wingers who want everyone to take a harmful death shot. If it was safe, I would have no issue with it. It's not. Many of us personally know people who have been harmed by it. 

So when they trot out the BS that the vaxxes are safe and effective, it's nonsense. Many scientists and doctors are sounding the warning cry. These are not conspiracy people but fully credentialed scientists and doctors. 

Most of these links are to twitter, but you can see the scientists and doctors for yourselves who are telling the truth and warning.

https://twitter.com/SabinehazanMD

https://twitter.com/veryvirology

https://twitter.com/IrvSchmecklerMD

https://twitter.com/DrJohnB2

https://twitter.com/w_mccairn

https://twitter.com/Harvard2H

https://twitter.com/akheriaty

https://twitter.com/DrJBhattacharya

https://twitter.com/RWMaloneMD

https://twitter.com/P_McCulloughMD

https://twitter.com/Zinnsgh0st/status/1473186360626270212

https://twitter.com/JohnCunnington5

https://gbdeclaration.org/

https://twitter.com/PierreKory

https://twitter.com/Parsifaler

https://twitter.com/DrBenMarble

Those in Denial About What's Going On

 This one is pretty good too.

Billions of People Are Affected

He's right about the breaking down of social bonds in making this all possible. Sub sub tribes makes sense. Germany and Austria definitely didn't learn their lesson on the first go around. He mentions "Nothing makes sense". That's on purpose, the sociopaths and malignant narcissists of the world always have used double-blind, lies and confusion to push their agendas. It's happening now. Reasonable and sane people keep asking, "Why are they pushing vaxxes still that are obviously failing and have so many huge adverse effects?" There's no response, the indoctrinated keep doubling down instead. I agree with him about the hypnosis. Trauma programming has shut down all logic. They are pushing a harmful vaxx on people that is FAILING and not stopping transmission and giving immunity. The death rate has gone up since 2020. It's not working.

It's good he addresses how the crowd will believe any lies from leaders. We see that now. The leaders are lying. When I have talked to the few I have, I say "Why do you believe these leaders"? It's to try to get them to think. Sometimes one will have success avoiding confrontation but asking about other ideas.

 One thing that frightens me is the instant go to of censorship even in small circles of people. They shut you don't they don't want to listen or questions or logic, and that has put society in a very dangerous place. Outside dissenters are attacked.

 He is right about the indoctrinated not being able to hear any data. That's where we are at now, many won't be reached by any facts.  However that said, we don't want division, or a war between vaxxed and unvaxxed, the powers that be would want that. We want to try and meet people where they are at. His idea to bring up the lost rights to people and the attacks on our freedoms is a good one. We do need stronger local ties and connections. I need to work more on finding more people locally who are allies in standing against what is going on. Check out this video and tell me what you think. 

Totalitarians Don't Care About Your Health. Will They Force it on Us in America?

                                           Yeah sadly even Sesame Street pushed the vaxxes on little kids.  I am worried for the kids.

This morning I went on CSPAN, I was taking pills and was eating my egg sandwich. There was another pundit full of more propaganda sure to guarantee more fighting over Thanksgiving plans, pushing the clot shots, ignoring the multiple reports of adverse effects, and more. CSPAN isn't the same. Sometimes I can tell they are screening out any truly independent phone calls. I don't watch much news any more, but even CSPAN is going to be shut off for good. 

When is this nightmare going to end? The crap shots aren't ending it. Merck made a pill for Covid, but why are they still focusing on vaxxes and things that don't work? Are we going to have three years of life now destroyed?

I had the strange thought the other day, if the clot shots were safe, then they would have no problem convincing people. We would all get it and it would be no big deal. They wouldn't have to threaten and bully people.  If they worked, I could even as an unvaccinated person go visit with the vaccinated and they would be protected. I was not terrorized over getting a TB or polio shot. It was just natural business. I knew they worked and weren't full of experimental funny business. I didn't write screeds about impending death and destruction like I am about this mRNA garbage. There were no teens or athletes dropping dead of inflamed hearts. We could trust these products. 

There would not be a huge segment of the population horrified and scared. Since they are taking people's jobs away and trying to destroy their lives, I notice a HOLE here. Some may ask "What do you mean?"  That HOLE is, that they never even attempted to prove any safety or tried to convince anyone outside of repeating over and over, they are safe and effective. Everyone's concerns just got swept under the rug. Everyone has forgotten this much time in, that the Covid vaxxes are STILL CLASSIFIED AS EXPERIMENTAL. And they are forcing them anyway!  Even those Respectful Insolence "scientists" pushing the shots, just decided to call me "asshole" and to shut me down instead of providing any real arguments.  

If half your population is scared you are trying to kill them or sterilize them, and you have no responses of any substances to this....well then there's a problem. Maybe it's really happening. Confront someone and they can't come up with the goods? Well then you are being lied to.

I can't help but keep thinking about this. The fact that people are giving this garbage to kids who don't need it is making me want to throw up daily. I feel weak and like I am not doing enough, all I have been able to do is speak out online. I've kept peace with people but it's hard. With many I have now made my positions known, but it's kind of like those friendships and relationships, we are avoiding the topic to keep good will. 

I started crying the other day reading about Austria forcing the clot shot on it's people.  This is a clot shot that IS gene therapy, they deny this but it's true.  It needs multiple boosters and is still requiring those who take it to mask up and socially distance.

 It's not working but the leaders keep pushing it. Why?

 Why haven't people woken up? I believe my chances of the clot shot of outright killing me is 50 percent on shot day [anaphylaxis, I wheeze even just from autumn leaves rotting] and 75 to 100 within the week, from cellulitis or one of the several autoimmune diseases  worsening. Also add in family history of pericarditis, my own vasculitis bouts--I talked to my rheum about this--my death most likely would be a hideous one. Sorry, I've had enough medical trauma and don't want any more. 

One can read webwide the warnings from scientists. I have multitudes from scientists on my Twitter, warning of endless horrific deaths and life changing disabilities, and still the powers that be and their sold out pundits still push these clot shots. Nenad left but I still want to ask how her 4th or 5th booster is doing? What number are they on now? 4? I've lost track.

 It's obvious the crap doesn't even work, is doing real harm and isn't ending the pandemic [Covid is now endemic] and still they PUSH IT. They don't care about what it is doing to people. They don't care that many of us are now petrified of having it forced on us and being killed by it. I said to my husband, "How do you think it makes me feel, that these people basically want to KILL me?" I've already had a hard life. Now I want to be LEFT ALONE. I've worn the masks, I've stayed away from people except for 1-2 people I've visited in large rooms or outside wearing KN95, and I don't want your poison.

 They provided no answers to anyone's fears. They silenced people who had bad things happen. They don't pay your medical bills if you get sick from the clot shot, so as those people get smacked with bills from their kids or themselves getting myocarditis, they will be facing bankruptcy and economic devastation.  These people make me sick. 

I find myself asking some serious questions about those who support all this.

Why haven't they noticed that the pandemic is not easing up? That they still are pushing lock-downs. In my state a huge percentage have taken the vaxx. Why aren't any of these people asking why isn't it doing any good? What's wrong with these people?

How many boosters will be enough? 4? 5? 29? 30?

Why don't people ever look into anything? It's not that hard to find dissenting voices asking questions online. It's like some of these people don't even understand that information is out there. They've been brainwashed into thinking everything Fauci says is gospel. 

The news that they are now trying to force the clot shot on people in Europe should concern all of us. The Fourth Reich is marching and they want the clot shot that doesn't work no matter what in you. What if they do this in America? Some I talk to remain unconcerned say "Oh it never could happen here!" Our courts have stood against Biden's mandates for now, but it's not a far step away from taking people's jobs away over not taking it, to sending the military out to force vaccinate people.  The United States has some built in checks against tyranny, we have Republican politicians even in my local area standing against this stuff, but will they work? The Fifth Court of appeals have given us a "stay". I am glad they stepped up. There's still some people of integrity out there. 

 If you think the United States is messed up now, imagine the reaction if that were to happen. Some of the people who call themselves liberals are full blown Nazis when they say they support such things. 

Sometimes I worry to break America who has the second amendment unlike Europe, they are going to do worse to us like release a worse pandemic. Maybe small pox. When that monster Bill Gates went on about small pox, that got a lot of people worried. Why wouldn't it? Our lives have been destroyed by monsters who have too much power and they still have a lot of tools in the toolbox to torture us with.

I retweeted this. It basically sums up my life now. 

Some of us are fearing for our lives. Why wouldn't we? This is a bad mixture with my history of PTSD, knowing basically the system does not care and even wants to destroy me. Knowing that in all these places they don't care about medical exemptions. It's not just anxious me though, people ARE petrified. This isn't ending. Remember some of us believe both the virus is real AND the dangers of the jab.  Some have survived mentally closing down their minds and emotions but if anyone does any serious thinking and this applies to people who have already taken some of Covid vaxxes, they know something is wrong with this picture. I have told people we need the vaxxed to join us in standing up. Many regret taking it. Some did wake up finding out two vaxxes was "not enough". Some got "breakthrough" cases.

I have nightmares now about having to go on the run or living in the woods and freezing to death. We are low on money now making me even more nervous. The bills are paid but all costs have skyrocketed. What if mandatory day comes when I am low on cash to get out of Dodge? I just want to stay alive. I saved a little but it's vaporized. I need a solar panel I don't have money for yet. I was not able to prep like I wanted. Maybe the government stimuluses were to help lull us to sleep, as now, all economic helps has been removed since August.  I've only seen one visible eviction in my apartment building but maybe there's more hidden ones.  My husband thinks this would never happen in America but I am not so relaxed about it as he is. People in Europe are standing up and protesting at least. They don't show these protests in regular news.

I'm reading books on the Cultural Revolution and gulags now. May as well use them as a primer for the future. The left has lost it and has gone full "struggle session" with slogans and blind obedience taught. They can put a picture up of a clot shot instead of Mao all over buildings. Oops they already have. I'm reading about a guy now who hid a sawblade in his shoe, trying to saw his way out of a train on the way to a prison in Siberia. Too many people are ignorant as hell about how bad things got in many areas of the world. Tens of millions died under Stalin, in WWII and the Cultural Revolution under Mao. Why do they think they are immune today under the crushing juggernaut of history? 

 We are being lied to in so many ways. They care more about obtaining money and power, rather then anyone's health. My friend just died of cancer from Covid lock downs. My own medical care is at risk. You expect me to believe they care about my health? I didn't have the kind of life where I can be a fool and see all these leaders as paternalistic and think that they "care". 

My medical care is disappearing. I haven't seen my main doctor now in 5 months who I used to see monthly. I think he is still renewing my medication, but that's wrong to just disappear like this. I will have to contact them and ask "Where have you been?" I am even considering switching services but now there is such severe doctor shortages I will hold on to what I got, to keep the medications I am on flowing.  That means no Vit B shots for anemia, no blood tests, and more. I'm still seeing some specialists, but even with them, the appointments sometimes are hard to get. I have to do a kidney urine test this week, and hoping Thanksgiving doesn't mess it up. I delayed it because I had to get another tooth out, had a severe flare and was sick. The medical establishment is being destroyed by them firing everyone who doesn't want the clot shot. What is happening to people is criminal.

Let's look at some recent articles and links:

Home - No More Silence - Telling Our Stories

Abstract 10712: Mrna COVID Vaccines Dramatically Increase Endothelial Inflammatory Markers and ACS Risk as Measured by the PULS Cardiac Test: a Warning | Circulation (ahajournals.org)

“We conclude that the mRNA vac dramatically increase inflammation on the endothelium and T cell infiltration of cardiac muscle and may account for the observations of increased thrombosis, cardiomyopathy, & other vascular events following vac.”

Telegram: Contact @genueprospect

A Set of Arguments Against COVID Vaccine Mandates (zherbert.com)

All but two here were "fully vaccinated":

8 Dead, Dozens Infected With COVID-19 Due to Nursing Home Outbreak – NBC Connecticut

Already making excuses and providing cover for when the kids and babies get heart problems from the shots:
Jonathan Engler on Twitter: "Emergency narrative shift: https://t.co/WAbMu4nMud" / Twitter

Brighteon

WHY DO SO MANY STILL BUY INTO THE NARRATIVE? - YouTube

Babies born to Covid vaxxed mothers:

Investigation into spike in newborn baby deaths in Scotland - BBC News

The vestibular forums are nightmares when it comes to the clot shot. I have vestibular problems via Meniere's and still can have Meniere's flares where I am dizzy, dealing with vertigo and eyesight is affected. One reason I would never take the clotshot is it could take the rest of my hearing away--no more music, and destroy my life via increasing these problems. For those who support these mandates, you ignore real harm being done to individuals both mentally and physically:

Covid-19 Vaccine side effects – Patient: Dizziness – VeDA Forum (vestibular.org)

press secretary for israeli pm vaccinated people now dying and going to hospital (rumble.com)

The Incidence of Cancer, Triggered by the Covid 19 "Vaccine" - Global ResearchGlobal Research - Centre for Research on Globalization

Everyone I know who had cancer and got the shot, had the cancer worsen. 

Don't listen to the liars who claim myocarditis is "mild". 50 percent die in the first 5 years...

Viral Myocarditis - StatPearls - NCBI Bookshelf (nih.gov)

"Conspiracy" post, but it's a good question. Remember the studies I posted about graphene the other day?

Boom: Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.'s New Book Blows The Lid Off Of Anthony Fauci's Dark Past And Hidden Agenda (technocracy.news)

French health authority advises against Moderna COVID-19 vaccine for under 30s | Reuters

The damage these vaxxes do to so many bodily systems is crazy.

Thyroid as a target of adjuvant autoimmunity/inflammatory syndrome due to mRNA-based SARS-CoV2 vaccination: from Graves’ disease to silent thyroiditis | SpringerLink

The vaxxes are failing:

US COVID-19 deaths in 2021 surpass last year's toll (msn.com)

And the most important link on this list as people have this stuff given to their kids:

Covid-19: Researcher blows the whistle on data integrity issues in Pfizer’s vaccine trial | The BMJ

The Loss of a Friend

I lost one of my closest friends the other week.

She was in her mid 50s and died of stage 4 cancer. Covid did have something to do with her early death. There were many people who lost their medical care or weren't able to get scans in time. She lived in a very heavily locked down area where medical care was shut down. She fought for her life and spent months in rehab and chemo and sadly succumbed to her illness. 

She was a great person, she had a brilliant mind, lots of dreams, and died so young. I will miss her. We came together meeting each other on a ACON forum around 8 years ago. She had gone no contact with her own [adoptive] NM and we were a support for one another. She was there for me in those especially very hard early no contact years. She was there for me as other friendships ended as my eyes opened. Her mind was one of the greatest I've encountered. She loved history and we talked about it often, and shared books between each other and talked about them. She was also deaf/very hard of hearing like me and we shared two private boards on Facebook where we texted each other and posted articles to talk about, so in a strange way, I have a "recording" of our friendship going back years.  We "talked" at least every few days and spent hours in conversation. Losing her has been very hard.

It's hard to explain how it feels to lose another close friend.  I've lost so many. So many people I know have died so young too. I've been crying a lot. This world is growing to be a tougher place. It makes me sad her last years was spent in the isolation of Covid lock downs. She was like many ACONs, she had very distant ties in her case, one other [adoptive] sister states away who had gone no contact and an [adoptive] uncle who was supportive as well.  She was not married and had no children. I often worried about how alone she seemed to be. 

The worse worry was her battling cancer on her own. She did find help and I told her about PACE and she found a local PACE program to help her. One of my worse regrets is that I did not go to visit her. Maybe these are just excuses but I was afraid to travel during Covid. My husband was worried about me physically because even 100 mile trips are hard on me being driven by someone else in a car, how was I to go over a thousand? We had discussed meeting each other for some time but sadly it didn't happen. Both of us lacked the money and even when there was stimuluses from the government, medical bills vaporized that money on both our ends. Today though, I regret not going to visit her. Time is always short and it seems like everyone is always so far away.

She had gotten her masters and was seeking to get a doctorate, despite her very hard background, including time in homelessness. Life was not easy to her. She faced a lot of barriers in the world, including once even losing a job over a credit check, a job that would have made her financially stable. She stood up for herself and fought for justice there too, but it was not to be. She had dreams she wanted to fulfill, and I feel very sad she was not able to get the doctorate or professorship she dreamed of.  She was so driven but fighting so much. How does one describe a loss of a friend? They are irreplaceable. 

She wrote some articles for this blog including these:

Guest Blogger: Toxic Christianity has Its Roots in Slavery, Capitalism, and Middle-Class White Supremacy

Guest Blogger: Parasitic Narcissists Who Get Their Needs Met At Other People's Expense

Guest Blogger: "God's Will or Plans for Our Lives?"

Graphene's a CoNsPiRaCy! Oh Really?

Check out the endless scientists and doctors I follow on my twitter who aren't sold out.

The first day I learned about the Covid vaxxes, I went to the pharm websites and saw the mention of nanoparticles and thought "Oh hell no!" That was the first thought I had. Remember, I was angry at people not wearing masks, still thinking public health served a certain role and that was the first thought I had. 

Beyond the Spirit/Source inside screaming "Don't do it", when I went to look things up. I was horrified. I didn't want a Moderna "Operating System". I didn't want a body full of nanoparticles that never had been put in human bodies before on such a wide scale.

You see, I'm a weird Aspie, I hung out reading science websites for years. While I was weak in some areas given my fundamentalism, medicine was not one of them. Even to get myself diagnosed I was reading rare diseases websites for years. I visited a university library in my state, where I saw the word Lipedema for the first time and wondered if I had it. This was in a special room for rare diseases. I have doctors consulting with a university hospital as to why my uric acids are so high. It looks like a decent doctor, there are some, is trying to to figure things out. 

My science knowledge isn't perfect but I think when it comes to medicine, it's a little higher than average lay people.   It doesn't take much to research and look up what they've been up to. People don't realize the depth that the mad scientists have gone to. Looking at some videos that a few years old is of some interest. Which is something I did the other day.

People tell the people warning that graphene may be in the clot-shots, that they are all nuts, but just take a look at these videos. See what they are talking about. These videos are a few years old. One thing I talk about when it comes to the scientists is none of them seem to have the wisdom to ask "Should We?".

The ethics committees must have all shut down long ago. People in modern American society seem to think doctors are 'gods", my own experience is that some get things wrong constantly. I've turned the doctors down who wanted to do experimental treatments on me or who have gotten things totally wrong. There was a doctor who wanted to do an invasive cardiac exploration on me, that would have put my life at risk in my 20s, and one who wanted to put me basically on "speed" to take weight off and ignored my heart and anxiety issues. 

 There's a few times where my life did hang in the balance because they weren't figuring stuff out.  I have my own medical books in here including medical school manuals because I have NEEDED them. The left before this Covid crap got rolling, got indoctrinated into this glorification of science. Remember the "science" parade during Trump's era. That's laughable now.

They see science as perfect. What we have going now is not real science but corporation lies masquerading as science where profit comes first. Have any of you ever wondered now that they have these supposedly magical mRNA solutions for Covid, why they never cured the common cold? How come for one condition I have, I'm stuck with a medication more then 40 years old? There's endless holes in science where profit motive has ruled the roost. If you think they care about people's health then you are hopelessly naive. If they cared about health, there would be a subsidized gym on every street corner, organic gardens and community centers full of social programs and sports in every town. 

To be frank too many of the scientists seemed to have lost touch with humanity especially as you review these videos, noticing how they ignore the fact the human immune system developed over millions of years, their lack of being able to see the forest for the trees, even has me thinking of the impending disasters they are going to wrought with their love of nano-bots and other garbage. One thing they have totally wrong, and I always saw this as a problem with some doctors is they definitely see the human body as a "machine", their linear thinking limits them. 

So if you are one of those people who think all the people who question the clot-shots and wonder if they have graphene in them and other things are just a bunch of crazy conspiracy, take a gander at what many of the scientists were working on before we even knew about Covid. Notice the sponsors listed in many of these videos too. 

Spanish Scientists Claim they find Graphene in Vaxxes

I don't know if the Covid vaxxes have graphene in them or not. I don't have the resources to know, or to examine a vial for myself. I read myself on the Pharm websites about the nanoparticulates. and knew I did not want to be an experiment. However knowing what the scientists have been researching and studying, puts this whole thing into a new perspective. Why are they so eager for everyone to have these shots even children who have little to no risk from Covid? Why are they risking millions being part of an "experiment"? Why are they censoring so many real scientists warning about the dangers? Think about it. 

Doctors and Scientists of Conscience Sign a Declaration Against Covid Vaxxes

This Sums Things Up

 

Our society grows more and more evil.

People are being fired from jobs for not wanting to risk their health and life over a crappy clot-shot. This alone is enough for me to deem Biden and the DNC evil forever. The "other side" sucks too, but this is a new level of evil.

One thought I had the other day, was if the shots were truly safe, they would have been able to "prove" it to the public, and all this censorship and lies wouldn't have been necessary.

We are basically having genocide enacted upon us. Some of us are facing personal losses. I remain in horror that people want to give the mRNA/J&J trash to their kids, when the kids don't even have danger from Covid. A society that sacrifices the young for the old is one that has lost the plot. All those "owned" news, many of us know we are being lied to. We see the personal evidence all around us. Don't try and tell me that there is a labor shortage because of people wanting higher pay, people are still desperate to pay their rent and bills, people don't want to die or get sick from the clot-shots. If I know people who have gotten ill from them and I am a relatively isolated person than many others have. 

I am standing up more. I know even this blog, and my twitter are a "risk" as the government grows more totalitarian. This is not a free country whatsoever.

This is horrific what is going to be done to the children. I never had children and for people to risk their lives and well-being this way makes me want to cry everyday.

Covid Dissent and Angst

 

I got banned from a local Covid-dissenters group on Facebook for being a would-be "mole" because in a small town I am a known liberal [now ultra-disaffected].  There was never any fight or argument with anyone. This probably has to do with liberal organizations I belong to and my past as a public Trump protester. With the Covid dissenters board, I am on their mailing list but not allowed on their FB group.  I know people have to be careful out there but it rankles me. Am I going to have to pass some "good conservative" test to be allowed in those circles? My reputation as a "bad liberal" which is building has already affected my life too. Some of us do truly fall in the middle of the divisiveness. 

 The other day I had husband drive me by their protest to see if it is something I would want to join. They definitely have prioritized their kids which makes sense too, but I do think there needs to be some speaking out against what is happening with these vaxxes. I don't have a dog in the unmask the kids hunt, though I think the kids should not be forced to wear them anymore. I got a headache the other day wearing a mask for 2 hours while grocery shopping and one knows the kids are physically suffering wearing them for 8. Socially and otherwise they are being adversely affected.

 My husband was worried about me joining in the protest, because they were all unmasked. That's what makes this so confusing, I do believe there is a real virus out there killing "some" people or messing them up. I know people personally who got "long covid" before the vaxxes made anyone ill. So there's a lot of right wing people I don't agree with on that specific point, who feel free to throw the masks away and who have strong hale hearty health who can take risks I can't.  If I was 30 years old and thin, I may still avoid crowds, but would I be this cautious? Probably not. I agree with them there is a point one has to live their life, but I am "vulnerable" in ways that are ultra complicated. 

Some do really believe it is a complete hoax. Some don't.  I think the PCR books were cooked, but do not believe it is a hoax, just that the numbers were increased. Some people did catch something that made them sick and in some cases killed them especially if they were elderly. 

Those claiming to enforce these Covid rules for us vulnerable people, are wrong. I am "vulnerable" and my life has been made more dangerous. They did not make us any more safer. In a world where the economy collapses, I won't be able to get medicine. They have made my life far more dangerous and fragile. The cartoon above sums up what is happening to society, people being split between vaxxed and unvaxxed, totalitarianism is growing, and endless rules and others are harming people. I told a few vaxxed friends that firing people over not taking an experimental vaxx is wrong. 

People lives have been destroyed and their mental health is too and none of these monsters care. My history of PTSD/CPTSD is reeling up beyond belief. Think I can go run to a Covid disciple counselor? Think again. Probably all the independent thinkers have been thrown out of the counseling office for not lining up.  It will be someone else to betray me and tell me to comply or else. They would tell me I have renounced "the science" and not realize I am listening to scientists and doctors who have been silenced.

 I am married, so have him with me all day but what about the people they forced into extreme isolation for two years? You think they are still normal not on the verge of cracking up? What about the fact that due to Biden's mandates, the only people left in corporation jobs, big companies, health care are all going to be conformists? All the independent minded people are going to be removed from society.

  I worry about the masks being a "sign of submission too" but considering I've walked around stores and lived in a crowded apartment building for the last two years, maybe KN95 did help some. I have no way to know.  Unless I am immune from my weird body or having had Covid before without knowing it, who knows?  There was one day in late Feb 2020, I spiked a fever and went to my bed feeling like I was going to die unless I fought it off. I did. Woke up without a fever.  Was it a leg infection or something else? Some of my latest efforts is taking a lot of vit C and zinc, I've read it can help keep Covid at bay, it can't hurt. Oddly the zinc seems to have made me feel a little better. 

  My risks are different then the majority of people. One lesson I've learned in this life is to self-protection. So it's weird, I'm not happy with the Leftists marching us into technocratic hell but I am not comfortable in a way where it's hard to know where I belong.  Many of us have to make our decisions on what information is available to us. So I am in the strange place, of hating the Covid lock-downs, thinking the vaxxes are horrible and against the tyranny but on the other hand still wearing a mask just in case. 

I belong to another FB group that is scary to me. It's the leftist group, that is supposed to be a Covid support group. I joined it in the early days of all this. They really hate the unvaxxed. They cheer for people's jobs to be taken away. They want totalitarianism and a dictatorship. They dismiss and invalidate everyone who has had side effects from the Covid vaxxes. The place really has become vicious. I don't post there anymore but watch it like a car wreck. They would round up all the unvaxxed in a heartbeat. It's easy to see how the Nazis took over now.  They don't care if people are made homeless. They love big corporations, power and crack-downs. These people scare me.

In life, there's some allies but I find myself trying to reach out to people who even though they may have gotten vaxxed, I want to see if they are asking questions. Some are. If one can make their stand and not fall into the trap of division, that's all of the better. I've been honest with some friends, about how I believe but with some, they disagree with me and vice versa but the friendships have continued.

Some of the vaxxed are worried that society didn't open up and that the vaxxes haven't "worked" like they thought and now they seem to be wanting to sign up for the booster installment plan. Others have gotten hit hard from serious medical effects from the vaxxes and don't want to take anymore risks. Some are questioning things politically and economically. Some regret it. I hope some can wake up and start standing up along with the unvaxxed too.  It is wrong for millions of people to lose their jobs for not wanting it. It is wrong. That's a medical dictatorship where they tell you to go starve and you can't feed your kids for refusing to sign up for something that is experimental and can hurt your health. 

I also think once they push the vaxx on kids and little 5 year olds start dying of myocarditis or Multi-system Inflammation syndrome, that this will be a wake up call especially since most of these kids were in no danger from Covid in the first place. Any society that sacrifices the young for the old has lost it's moorings long ago. This is a point that sickens me, the ruined lives to come, and it is something I wish I could do more about.  I was unable to wake up any parents I know. 

However there's still the people who do see the "unvaxxed" as the great unwashed. These are the people who are ready to shun me upon the most mild of statements.   They are avid about these beliefs. They shut you down over the most mild statements. Tell them about Fauci's support of horrific animal experiments and malfeasance with AIDS, they won't listen. They shut you out. There once you know there will be no engagement, it's better to walk away, but it's scary to see people take these hard-nosed positions.

They are afraid, and angry and want to see people like me thrown in the Fema camps. Trust me they don't care about someone who has a massive history of pericarditis/arteritist in the family who already had signs of vasculitis before with multiple autoimmune disorders. They want you to shut up and line up. They believe Fauci, they support the masking and lock downs. It's hard. These people support evil. Some are truly ignorant, some are afraid, some don't have the same information available to them, some believe mainstream news sources and don't explore any further. Others don't know any better but some have chosen willful ignorance. Some have had lives where it makes sense why they trust in the system but this doesn't mean it will save them from betrayal too. 

 I noticed even as I wrote about the nearly empty Dollar Tree on my Facebook, no one seemed to care. It hurt my heart inside to have even long time trusted and loved friends tell me they supported all this evil that was destroying everyone's life. One told me she even supported people losing their jobs and I was in shock. With one, my long time respect for her, made me too weary to argue, there's times I just can't argue with everyone. I've lost so many friends, and have had some distance themselves from me. She supported all of this. It made me very sad.

One woman I am acquaintances with and came to visit me bringing me some flowers from her garden, grilled me about the vaxx and Aspie me faltered and said too much and she figured out I had refused it. She was not happy with me and said the unvaxxed are spreading it. I thought that was crazy because all the studies say, the vaxxed can carry it too. This is why I remark on the poor quality of the vaxxes all the time. It was better not to get into it with her.  While I am outspoken on line, in real life I have to be careful though I do post a few memes and articles on my Facebook wall. She was angry at me and even though I was wearing a KN95, she shrank away from me, like I was "diseased". That brought up weird emotions in me as she jumped back in horror. She then told me she had errands to run.  There's been too many hurtful conversations like that.  We belong to the same organization but I doubt she will ever talk to me again. Light shunning has already begun for me. Due to my history, being rejected like this is not easy. 

That said, if people reject me over this, so be it. It scares me how they have bought into all this and don't even see the outside effects of all the totalitarianism building. The vaxxes have already "failed". Society is not opening up and they have been put on an assembly line of constant shots every 6-8 months and remember the roulette wheel of even the short term side effects is always there.  There's scary things happening too.

In my own community I wrote about the Dollar Tree being almost empty but I've heard through the grapevine our local hospital is filling up with people who have severe even rare "never seen before" illnesses from the shots. Another thing I am noticing is endless people on Facebook who I know were vaxxed all getting extreme colds and other illnesses over and over. These colds don't seem like normal colds. Their immune systems don't seem to be working correctly. These are younger formerly healthy people too. Some of these people are avid maskers, so I asked how in the world are they getting so sick? I think ADE is already rolling which fills me with horrors and worries. There's many friends I care about who got the vaxx.

Sometimes I do wake up depressed because none of this seems to be ending....I wake up too often at 4 am and 5am staring in the bathroom mirror, asking what has become of my life. My depression is knocking back on the door. I like my apartment but there's times I want to sell everything off and start over somewhere new.  I want to move to a more working class and poor area where there are less Covid disciples, but husband is afraid of us losing medical resources here. Moving costs money we don't have. There's a feeling of being somewhere I just don't belong. I should have never left my old rural town. My old rural town has stood against the Covid nonsense except for the few liberals there. 

I've had a hard life by any measure, and having this happen in my old age is not easy. That's the thing that worries me none of it seems like it will end. What's the end run here? I don't want more people to become enemies with me. I made my own mistakes doing the Trump protesting losing too many friends then, to have more bad will created with people. 

My worry is the end will be when people really get sick from these vaxxes, and then suddenly maybe they will then have a "treatment" but then so much damage and loss will ensure, that those of us who are left may lose our minds alone watching everyone around us die and get sick. My own health is very poor, and this has felt like too much. I haven't posted on this recently but I've entered a health decline, that is scary. I was bordering lupus for a time. The rheumatologist says I am still stable, and wants me on Planequil, but I've refused over the dangers to vision and what it did to my father's eyes.  The rheumatologist understands because of my immense hearing loss, but that means living with pain and fatigue. My father told me never to go on it if I could help it. 

My deafness has increased to the point I am completely dependent on using a transcribe phone to understand people even if I am wearing my hearing aids. My chronic fatigue is very bad. My kidneys are in some type of stage of failure which needs clarified. I asked doctors about putting me in a clinic or hospital to take 100lbs off and some of my food intake has dropped due to fatigue, but all I have done is kept the weight stable. They just tell me it's not possible, keep up treatments at home, watch your portions, keep active etc.  I am aging rapidly, and being one of those people who always looked far more young then they were, it's come as a shock. 

 I know so many people who have gotten sick from the vaxxes. And now they want people to line up for booster after booster too where there will be a new roulette wheel to be spun of myocarditis, allergic reactions and other serious side effects. This nightmare seems to have no end, and the lies of the elite and their evil is bottomless.

Covid made some sick too but my fears are even greater there too. Our leaders are not to be trusted. I have walked on eggshells with just about everyone except a few friends who agree. I don't feel safe around people in general and this is not just Covid making me feel unsafe, but knowing what these people support is horrifying. Our leaders don't care about health. They want to vaxx the whole planet but they didn't care about millions facing starvation. It's all based on lies. Many of them support everyone who refuses the vaxx at having their medical care taken away. They support the firing of multitudes who have seen the results of the shots first hand who don't want to get it. So even if the health care system AND Economy collapse, they simply don't care. What's going to happen to all the jobless people? They won't be able pay their rent or mortgages or be able to feed their families.

 They want everyone to throw themselves on the Covid cult pyre and light a match to their immune system, small business and lives. How close am I to people I can't talk to? Are we really friends? Did I waste years of my life being in organizations or people who would betray everything I stand for? 

 Religiously I am in a strange place, it's confusing. It is so bad that on a deconversion board I am part of, some people told me I seem "insecure in my disbelief". I don't blame them at all and told them so.  All this has changed me. My religious beliefs are complicated now even to me. It means something to me too, that the things I used to warn about on conspiracy and bible prophecy boards seem to be happening. Revelation 13 especially stands out as they outlaw people buying groceries and more in Europe. I studied the Bible intensely for years. I even used to write about complex topics that included Bill Gates, depopulation, the United Nations, Agenda 21 and more. I wrote about the USA economy being collapsed by the elites. I wrote that the the powers that be planned to strip down modern life and change things massively by 2030. Well I guess you see where I am going with all this....

That said, I don't want to return back to the evangelical and fundamentalist worlds, those worlds that spiritually abused me, told me I was never good enough, and was nothing but a long litany of rules that supported authoritarianism.  They are just controlled by the elite as any liberals. My angry feelings about how they helped to readily spread the virus to kingdom come, are still there.

I never was a good fit there either. Even when I was full fundamentalist, I was anti-war, and anti-Dominionist. I didn't and still don't support the oppressive politics. I still can't return to the vision of a cruel God. I still question hell. I see "people of light" in various places which definitely kind of ruins me permanently for the fundamentalists.  They aren't too keen on someone who seeks truths in Native American or the Sikh religion. I still don't believe in blood sacrifices, while I honor the good teachings of Jesus. I am still a Universalist/ I wish more people I knew saw through this garbage. It has been very disheartening to me. 

Politically I wasted my time and years. I saw a pile of protest posters the other day from when I used to protest Trump and mourned the time and effort that was wasted. The DNC has betrayed us beyond Trump doing this to our lives. I have lost two years I couldn't afford to lose. I had time with husband which was good, but the time lost and now people lost is unforgiveable.  Biden is worse than Trump. What grinds me down, is knowing my intuition told me not to vote for that man, but I still did. It was a lesson not to listen to the crowd. My belief in politics at all has been shaken to the core. I hate the DNC. I don't see these people as real "liberals" who support this evil. I get some are scared, less informed, and have lost people to Covid affecting their outlooks but when people support evil, and tyranny, it's disturbing.

One thing about all this is the overlaps with ACON stuff. The malignant narcissists and sociopaths are dividing people while issuing commands that make no sense. Narcissists don't care about logic. Their followers don't either. This is why they can make a vaxx that doesn't even work or stop the spread or even offer safety and make it acceptable to the masses who demand mandates of people when the vaxx doesn't even do the job they claim it does. This is classic narcissistic double-binds and bullshit making. Narcissists also claim authority they really don't have. They claim they have the facts and everyone else is liars. They hid the facts, lie and play cover up. This is now happening on a national scale. There is no way that any medicine, treatment or vaxx that had this many adverse effects would have been allowed prior to all this. That is the most disturbing thing about this most of all. 

Great Reset: The Economy is Being Crashed

 

Two days ago, I went to a Dollar Tree store, we have used for years. The shelves were mostly empty. It was extremely unsettling.  About 30 percent of the inventory was there. I bought shampoo, some scrubbing pads and a few other items. The condition of this store brought back visions of people lining up for things in Russia from the 1980s.

Years ago as I was deep into conspiracy, it was discussed on all conspiracy boards that the elite planned to crash the American economy one day. This was discussed in my previous fundamentalist Christian circles prior to deconversion, message boards and elsewhere. Even my IFB pastor said, the American economy would crash and burn, and people were not spiritually ready. Some other people talked of Peak Oil and America collapsing as well. Well looks like that day is here. I don't know what is wrong with the people I live around here. Deep denial? Brainwashing? I walk into a nearly empty store, post about it on my Facebook and very few care. The "think positive" ethos holds even in the face of complete collapse. It's the apocalypse and you have to smile. 

Their threat "you will own nothing" is very real. The planned for "Great Reset" is real too. They are destroying people's livelihoods, even middle class and above folks have lost endless small businesses. This town is triggering me as it's looking like a ghost town, this is just like what happened to my old small rural town in the mid to late 2000s. The only businesses surviving are a few take-outs and luxury places for the wealthy. 

As long time readers of this blog know, I experienced extreme poverty in my 20s. Those memories of digging in trash cans and having only one meal a day or less to eat are there. I know what it is like to wear near rags as clothing and need new clothing and be unable to have any.  People don't know what that is like and sadly many are going to be surprised. The worse days will come from the food shortages. We may not be able to get our cars fixed or have items to fix machinery. Our leaders are evil.

Natural Life Vs. Machine Life

 

photograph by Peep

Here is a recent reading to my UU.  These are supposed to be 3-5 minutes long. The theme was pro-life not in the abortion battle sense, but in what honors and promotes life. While I don't confront on Covid or vaxxes, I do believe the Covid stuff is tied to an insidious agenda with technology.  Obviously in this speech I made it known I am not happy with the events of the last two years.   This one was stepping out on a limb a bit.

“This is my beat. The heat drenched empty sidewalks and all the millions of lonely electronic hotel rooms and cybernetic apartments. No one goes out any more. They all stay in their rooms pressing their buttons, staring at their terminals. I call it The Gulch. Silicon Gulch.”

The Kid from Silicon Gulch—Robert Calvert

What has happened to life? Does a fire burn inside you or has it been stamped out? Many are allied with anti-life agendas today. Pro-life is freedom, spontaneity and social connection. Pro-life is love, joy and play.  Pro-life is the freedom to explore and be and do. Prolife isn’t conformity and being locked in a box. Prolife is discovery and imperfection.  This long drawn out crisis seems to be locking some new prison doors, upon the soul. 

  Prolife is not locked down societies where all freedom and free speech is erased forever. Where people are “othered” and corporations rule. Very few are asking “Should we?” Sadly crises can be used by those with nefarious agendas, like Naomi Klein warned of in her book, “The Shock Doctrine” which warned about “Disaster Capitalism”.  We seem to have a class of technocratic educated elites who want to impose their will on the rest of society disenfranchising the disabled, the poor and people of color.  Very few are questioning the goals or life they seem to want for the rest of us. 

We have entered the era of the battle between natural life vs machine life. One thing to ask is which is more prolife? I say the former. We can use technology as a tool but we must not go to the place where it owns us or is used for oppression by the more powerful.    Some are not waking up to the incredible damage that things like digital IDs or having everything computer mandated will do to our lives. Some are not realizing the negative things technology can bring. It goes far beyond the kids being on the smart phones too much.

Jesus said, “He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.” Life is something that if you grab on too tight, and squeeze it down to nothing the essence will be lost  A human society run on fear and control, is one that is joining the forces of anti-life instead of prolife.

How many fascists have built cages in human history using human fear? George Orwell in his book 1984 warned of totalitarianism in all its forms. 

Society is going to a place, where it’s all about progress, but who is the progress for? The thinkers questioning the rapid march to technocratic dystopia have been sidelined. There is dehumanization in the march to commodify society. There is a loss to human soul where life becomes all about the measurements, the observation and not about living.  The severed connection from the spirit worsens. 

Who does it benefit? The “fourth industrial revolution”, is not conspiracy, it is discussed openly in Time magazine. Some may even see this as natural evolution or ‘good progress” but there’s dangers here, that work against the freedom of human life.

 Here there is too much power for a 1 percent that could be very abused. Look up things like block chains. Artificial intelligence works now via algorithms in many areas. Some focus on different forms of propaganda for whatever targeted demographic they are focused on.

There are too many who seem to want endless control of our lives.  Technology can be a servant, and has brought positive changes to our lives, I use a phone to transcribe speech due to my being hard of hearing, but what happens when there are desires to commodify human life itself? Human beings should not be turned into products too.  More of us should be asking, about some of the social engineering that has come to fruition in the last two years and how it is altering the use of technology. 

 The technocratic vision of life and their values are not my own. The desire to turn life into all polished metal surfaces “under surveillance and control” is stamping out the essence of life. Some take things so far, you’d think they want to pave over the whole earth. Human beings create tools but they also can be formed and changed by them. 

 I have an interest in the organic radical movement, there voices on the left though smaller in number like Allison McDowell and Charlene Spretnak who are questioning the view of mankind as simply another biological machine. There are naturalists, vegans, and others who are analyzing the natural vs. the machine life battle.

Artists have a different nature, we don’t want locked in a room with a computer ledger with life boiled down to nothing but rules and the numbers.

 I have no interest in joining the “Internet of bodies”. Where the human body becomes merchandise to track. They don't want any spontaneity, freedom, or natural life left. How do you feel about having human interactions mediated by corporations?  Some of us want lives beyond the computer screen. I am questioning my own life now in this regard.

Some may know about Singularity, and artificial intelligence. Do you want a digital boot stamping on your face forever? 

There were warnings at the dawn of the first industrial revolution, where people realize something was being lost.  These same themes ring true today but on a more advanced level. I’ve read the writings of John Ruskin, a Victorian social thinker. He raged against the machine back then and warned of the dehumanization that would come during the first industrial revolution. This warning would definitely apply today. 

Imperfection is in some sort essential to all that we know of life. It is the sign of life in a mortal body, that is to say, of a state of progress and change. Nothing that lives is, or can be, rigidly perfect; part of it is decaying, part nascent… And in all things that live there are certain irregularities and deficiencies which are not only signs of life, but sources of beauty. No human face is exactly the same in its lines on each side, no leaf perfect in its lobes, no branch in its symmetry. All admit irregularity as they imply change; and to banish imperfection is to destroy expression, to check exertion, to paralyze vitality. All things are literally better, lovelier, and more beloved for the imperfections which have been divinely appointed, that the law of human life may be Effort, and the law of human judgment, Mercy.

Will Power Dieting Isn't Going to Fix Tammy and It's Not Going to Fix Me Either.

 

{I posted this on a 1000lb sister message board: I sometimes post about my life and history comparing them to the two sisters on this show--I made other additions to this article}

I think they need to get to the core root of Tammy's food problems. There's major hyperphagia, excessive hunger. It can have physical causes.

I think Tammy's body is beyond the "you better have strong will" usual CICO dieting. It's doomed for failure. I "failed" on weight loss [lost 200 down from the peak] but even keeping that off takes sticking to food schedules, medicine--thyroid, compression therapy, I have bounced from mid 400s to low 500s for years. An anti androgen drug I was forced off of, years ago, helped me lose the original 250 down from 700. I lost around 20-30 this year off the baseline but obviously I am still very supersized. 

I was once 700. I eat health food, and cannot eat desserts, candy, juice, fast food, beef, potatoes, etc, many foods people take for granted and have half the meals vegetarian. In my case there's some serious metabolic crap going on, and I have Lipedema stage 4.

I still think Tammy has some physical problems not being addressed. One thing that is scary is there are no inpatient treatment for fat people. It's like you either do the weight loss surgery thing--not possible for everyone, or get shoved away into a backwater nursing home. This means having money of your own if you are disabled beyond 30 dollars a month and your entire household in the outer world gets shut down. I wanted to get put in a hospital or rehab to take more off around 10 years ago and got turned down, they literally told me, well you can still walk, cook a meal, etc, which is true, but a lot of things are affected very badly. I am in horrible pain today just from going into some stores and walking around more yesterday. I have swollen up, Lipedema is a nightmare in this way.

I don't think Tammy has Lipedema and does have obvious food addiction problems but believe something is causing the hyperphagia. I want to skip meals and lower calories even more, but even to maintain the diabetes, I get sick easily and now dealing with low blood sugars too often from being too tired to cook, distracted with art work, etc. I don't lose weight like other people.

My levels of hunger are higher than normal people's. A thin person can go all day with one meal. I feel like I will die if I miss any of the three. That's not normal. Her levels of hunger seem to be in the stratosphere. The amounts she eats are huge from what the show has shown.

She has something wrong. This isn't something will power dieting is going to solve. "Will power dieting" has failed for me. I would be dead without going more vegetarian--half diet--too anemic to do full, a strong interest in health food, and refusing all GMO, sugar, fast food etc. Some people have bodies that don't work right. Her solving her food addiction problems would help a lot. Maybe her metabolism and body aren't as messed up as mine but her body shows some major problems, with the way her forehead is shaped and more.

Amy has done far better with weight loss surgery and traditional dieting, she has some issues but I think they are far less severe than Tammy's. I show some genetic signs, and want some genetic tests. I am autistic, have multiple autoimmune diseases others never have even heard of, am deaf from one and even one ear is double the size of the other, so there's signs on me too. They should do more extensive testing on Tammy.

She  is WAY TOO ISOLATED. That alone will take someone to food if they are addicted. I deal with severe isolation but because I am married things are far worse for her. Covid really made this worse for me. Superfat people are rejected by their families and society. Some people may be friendly to you in groups etc. I formed my life around groups for social interactions, but it's far harder to find local friends to hang out with you. People simply DON'T when you are at these super-sizes. It makes sense, you are so large, you can't do things easily, you can't walk very far. I was fortunate to have so many activities I could do, in group settings prior to Covid. This included stamp club, art class, disability group, book clubs and activities with my UU church.

I had one local friend dump me because her family told her that they were embarrassed for her hanging out with me. I was on a lower end of my weight scale then, probably around 460 at that time but that was enough, she attacked my autism as well. So Tammy is stuck at home all day with no one to talk to. One also feels pain from rejection from a unloving family, Tammy is more cared about except by the Mom but you can tell they look down on her for being fat. She also is abusive to people herself which is a sad combination. It's horrible how she tells off the family all the time, a family that has stuck by her and tried to help her. She needs far more then their help though. My family was abusive and I went no contact. She is on a definite shame spiral. I thought about how happy she was with the trainer too. She simply blossomed in the attention. The shame spiral will destroy her. She is lashing out at others which is the worse way to go.

With Tammy she can't get in cars or buses or drive, so that adds to the isolation. I don't know if a car could be set up for her to drive, she's too big to fit in a seat I think, and put in the back. That alone leads to the extreme isolation. They live too rural for her to get on a bus. These things affect my life where my husband drives me but I am dependent on him. I can fit in car seats but driving is harder because of the legs and fit, I could drive our van in an emergency but it is painful. I even question going into a cohousing place or somewhere where there would be automatic involvement with others instead of living in a small apartment set apart from everything and everyone but those really are only open to the middle class and above.

Tammy at least has show money but imagine with people on fixed incomes, they aren't going anywhere. The isolation of super fat people adds to the weight, less activity and in her food addiction, she's home alone with the refrigerator, nothing to do, and few hobbies outside of her sister. Tammy is going to die unless they put her in a rehab that doesn't allow food cheating, and some immense counseling and exploration of physical issues. She needs the psychiatric issues with too and food addiction but also any underlying physiological issues.

Friday night dinner, Tikka Masla boneless skinless chicken thighs, corn salad with veggies with left over corn, there is sauce on the rice. The cucumber is from my garden.

If I won the Lotto tomorrow, I would go into a weight loss/medical treatment program rehab of some sort. I did look into going into a specialized Lipedema/lymph clinic, but was told that I already do at home what the lymph clinic would do for me, which includes hours of wrapping legs, and 2 hours a day in the leg machine. Yes it scares the hell out of me I would be even fatter and bigger without doing these things. I spent 3-4 hours a day on it. My legs get so thin when a therapist wraps them but they know I do the best I can. My Lipedema goes up to my chest too.

Why don't they have specialized weight loss rehab centers or programs for the severely obese?  I do ask why there is so much more help for the drug addicted and so little for the fat? It really makes me wonder. I want to go somewhere where I could get 100lbs stripped off for more functionality. Going from 515 to 415 would be a game changer. Tammy needs to go a gym even if she has to do it on a walker. I attended the Purple gym on a walker for two years before Covid, made that impossible. I kept my membership and am hoping to go back. I want to go back right now, but husband still doesn't think it is safe with Covid.

I do think she needs more help, a lot more help. I also need more help then I am getting so not judging her. Some weight loss centers don't allow calls out for food delivery etc. I got put on "diets" in the hospital but usually when I am hospitalized I am too sick and hate food so even that doesn't get eaten. 

I think 1200 calories is too low, and I can't stick to calories that low and never could with the hunger.  1800-2000 would be more realistic for her. The all or nothing stuff is messing her up. The starvation diets lower the metabolism. I've been down that road. I wish medical professionals would figure out some of us are beyond will power dieting. We need more help. Tammy definitely does.

Thursday Dinner, those are vegetarian "grillers" not hamburgers...

I am seeing a medical nutritionist. I took pictures of all my food for 5 days and showed it to her. She told me she was shocked at how many vegetables I ate and that she has to tell most people to eat more vegetables. My meals included an egg sandwich and blueberries for breakfast, a vegetarian dish with some noodles, garbanzo beans, green beans and bean sprouts, various salads, a vegetarian burrito, with some black bean soup, some Tikka Masala chicken with rice and corn salad, refried rice with left over tofu sausages, cauliflower casserole made with yogurt, a couple turkey sandwiches, bananas, low sugar granola with teff and a few glasses of Lactaid milk.  I don't think my portions and other things were considered too bad. One thing in blood tests they know if you are going nuts. My A1C was 6.8 last time? They want me to try to get it down to 6.5. 

A lot of my life is centered around cooking and figuring out "WHAT" to eat.  The reason they have me seeing this nutritionist is because my uric acid is sky high. I read once severe Lipedema can cause high uric acid levels and need to research and print out the website where I saw this discussed. They have figured out the problem is not dietary. My protein levels are not high enough.

Saturday night dinner, left over tofu sausages, carrots, bean sprouts, onions, green pepper, eggs, leftover rice made into refried rice.

I got tired last week and feel guilt because the CFS took me away from some exercising but I did go out gardening and pruning tomato plants and walking around some large stores. Later I did do some Sit and Be Fits and another work out for old people. Since I discovered I can get Youtube on my TV it's helped my exercise life. It's not just the Comcast Workout videos anymore. Tai Chi is enjoyable.

 I had to clean and do a variety of things and had multiple medical appointments. I have many more this next month. I have noticed the spoons theory applies to my life and then some. There's only so much energy and even if I do an art project, something else is taken away from. I had some pain this week but my mobility this week was better then a few weeks ago, it really does change drastically from some of the rheumatology problems. This week I was able to do a bit more. 

I told the medical nutritionist, I feel unable to sink the food down lower to whatever caloric level would strip weight off, and that even keeping the weight stable takes effort. I also discussed with her the extreme hunger problems and was open and honest about how hungry I am ALL The time. This is physical hunger with full stomach growling the works, not just boredom. The uric acid issue is still being explored. She was nice and professional and I discussed my complex weight history to her including the huge gain, showing pictures for proof. My plan is to ask her for more advice on what to do. Maybe she can get other doctors in on the action. The uric acid thing is worrisome, there's so much WEIRD stuff going on with my body. 

My eating has kept to the schedule. It's just hard to know what to do.  Partial vegetarianism is improving my health but I am fighting the river to keep from drowning. Us super-fat people need more help, we may have a variety of issues impacting our weight but there needs to be more help out there.  I need more help and so does Tammy. Some avenues I plan to explore are more help for pain, and fatigue and seeking more expert advice on the Lipedema. I need to bust out of the Covid cage too for survival.