Life with Celiac Disease and other Health Stuff

 

I tested positive for the HLA-DQ8 gene. There were other multiple clinical signs I got diagnosed based on. I wish I found out earlier.

 The connection between Celiac and Obesity

I haven't eaten gluten except three times by accident in 18 months.

What do I miss most?

Fried Chicken, Chinese food, Sour Dough Bread, Pizza and real spaghetti. I kept fried chicken rare for health reasons and knew I had to curb the carbs, but those are the foods I miss the most. Some of the Chinese food I can replicate by myself, using tamari, even the chicken I can put it in rice flour and have. Pizza, well I found some gluten free pizza dough once at Aldis but it seems to come around only once a year like Santa Claus. Some brands are better when it comes to gluten free pasta, but it's hard to find in my town or runs out. There seems to be legions of hungry celiacs around here because many products go poof!

Food also costs a lot more, all gluten free products are far higher in price. I get frustrated a lot trying to afford food or figuring out decent food to eat. America stinks when it comes to food. I am not sure if I just live in an town that is horrible when it comes to groceries and supply chains or if everywhere is like this now and I just don't realize it. 

Keep in mind as you read this, I cannot eat potatoes, fish, wine, sulfites, shellfish, and a multitude of other foods due to medical conditions. All dairy must have Lactose Milk accompany it. I haven't eaten a hamburger [I've had a few bites of hamburger meat] or a pork chop in 12 years. My diet is very restricted. Yes it is at the point what can you eat? Now wipe away all the gluten. They sneak it in everywhere too. 

I'm no longer a "silent" celiac. I used to think well some poor celiac people are more sensitive, I felt for them when they talked about barfing their guts out or getting scared some underpaid sandwich makers at a sub shop rubbed their gluten free bun by accident on the cutting board used for regular buns.

That's me now! I puke and get bad runs, if I accidentally eat wheat now. How do I know? I ate some ranch dip with veggies at an art club meeting and was puking with extreme bowel pain that very afternoon. My husband even asked me if I needed to go to the hospital. I may have mentioned this event in another blog post. Three bites of cream of broccoli soup, also made me puke. "Maybe they thickened it with corn starch", think again! My blood sugar was low and that was the only food available. Three bites couldn't hurt could it? I was throwing up within the hour. 

The results are so painful I am too petrified to cheat. If you ever wonder if celiacs have an off day and say "Screw this, I'm eating pizza today", they don't. You get too sick and suffer very badly.  The suffering can be the kind where one's spouse wants to drag you to the hospital instead of watching you cry in the bathroom. At this point I have tightened down the hatches, and have gone weeks without an accidental ingestion but that's a cook from scratch diet, no risk taking like with ranch dressing on veggies at an art club meeting. Yesterday, I bought a bunch of Indian food, paneer, spices, split-peas, and rice flour. 

my black seed oil....

I went on black seed oil some time ago and started another new supplement-full of various herbs. My eyebrows always thicken up when I get more B-vitamins, I ran out of methylated B vitamins, and my eyebrows thinned out almost immediately. My hair doesn't grow at all unless I'm on these vitamins. 

Sometimes I wonder what Celiac did to me all these years. It is kind of scary to have been in a body everyone blamed you for and abused you over for years and years and been this sick and then diagnosed with at least five conditions that directly impact weight.

      

                                                  my other supplement. I'm on multiple ones.

I thought "Man nothing was ever enough". There are times I wonder how my life would have turned out if I had been a normal weight. There's a lot of things I missed out on. That's physical stuff. Yeah I know the diet queens will say "you failed, you didn't starve yourself enough", but sometimes I get pissed thinking I probably had celiac back to my teenage years when the IBS then was off the charts.  My teenager years were spent being late to school from being in the bathroom and constantly getting in trouble for being late from my "IBS".  I do worry about the state of my intestines, and how bad off they are from all the years of damage from that misdiagnosis. My doctor did an advanced intestinal test for cancer, it came out negative, thank goodness. One odd thing, from some of the malabsorption problems probably healing, my hunger levels dropped. Don't get me wrong, I still get hungry, I am still insulin resistant, but an edge seems to have come off it. My malabsorption problems were SEVERE to even need so many outside vitamins, it's why I got diagnosed with malnutrition multiple times. 

I don't know what my weight is right now, it was going down some, 460 was the last weight, but I fear some mobility problems could have affected it. I don't think I've gained, I still have rubber bands on my too loose underwear to hold them up but guess I will find out in a couple weeks.

 My joints are in really bad shape. I had difficulty walking today and had to tell some friends I didn't want to go upstairs, because walking just one floor of the 5,000-10,000 square foot art center had worn me out. They have elevators there, but my leg was hurting. I move, I bloat. It seems counter-productive, doesn't it?

My mobility is kind of in danger, my knee hurts a lot getting up at night and that has to do with continence issues. Walking hurts. They say do more walking and I'll probably walk some at this zine fest soon, so some stuff motivates me to walk around but it's hard. Life would be easier with a scooter or power wheelchair, but then I can't afford one or a lift and then part of me is afraid of gaining weight. It's really affecting me. I want to do stuff, but it hurts so much to move around. Some joints go out, even my wrists. 

Supposedly Celiac Disease is supposed to impact a lot. I also found out a lot of women with Lipedema had it. There is a connection there. Remember scary autoimmune diseases go with severe stage Lipedema. I know a woman a woman with both Bullous pemphigoid and Lipedema. That's a really bad one that causes a lot of pain and suffering. I've met other stage 4 Lipedema women with a vast array of bad autoimmune diseases like me. 

My hearing has dropped gotten worse, it's ebbing away, why don't they have support for people like me. It's made communication with others very hard, I am completely transcribe phone dependent to understand or communicate with people. [unless they write me] This body hasn't been too nice to me. It's good I survived this long but it took a lot of work to stay alive too. I'm tired. Age is starting to weaken me now. 

Thank God, I got away from jerks though who treated me like crap for being fat. No one has mocked me or abused me for obesity except online in years. Maybe people can tell I would knock them flat or maybe the deafness and other extremes of my body make it plain to others, there's far more problems than obesity. I'm old now too, no beauty queen contests left and I don't care. Few knew I was 240 plus under my peak weight from years ago. Friends around me, saw how rigid the eating habits were even before I had to be gluten free.

 I hope I will lose more weight but the problems with chronic fatigue and other bodily systems putting me in bed too much, are a problem. Doctors are more forgiving I've noticed. There were physical changes after I switched to gluten free so they know, I had other complex problems. Labs changed, kidney stones dropped in number by A LOT.

No one talks about being old, and super-fat, maybe because it rarely happens though I knew a lady with my stage of Lipedema who made it to her lower 80s who weighed in the mid- 400s. Lately I'm afraid of my bladder taking me out, but that could be an autoimmune thing as discussed with my urologist. I'm hoping I make it, I have to dedicate some time to studying how to solve some problems the naturopath way and a good friend send me some AZO supplements. Some migraines have been a problem too, and they've been the visual ones. Maybe it's stress. Maybe I need to rest more. Maybe I'm getting old, and well pushing yourself with chronic fatigue brings problems. The walking thing concerns me a lot. I'm still on a walker, but the joints hurt. This week, my forehead broke out in red sores, the hearing is bad, and joints acting funny. I'm probably in a flare. I worry a new statin is giving me brain fogs and muscle problems but then MCTD/UCTD can cause those too. 

I'm supposed to see some physical therapists soon, Ive been having problems sitting, my falling stomach I think is putting pressure on other places. Physically I am a mess. I know some wonder how is she still even alive? I did put some effort into it all. The worse thing is the fatigue, I could go to sleep now, but after I get out of my leg machine, I have to empty the dishwasher, and do a few things like that. I have to take my supplements too and if hungry enough make some lunch. I always think I should skip more meals but I still do best eating on a regular schedule. 

I'm going to write an article soon about the financial life of the disabled, focusing on realities from that end. Getting the celiac diagnosis probably saved my life from the kidney stones alone. I'm still anemic though I guess they see that one as having multiple causes. They are learning more about Lipedema which is a positive development and it is very interesting to me, they are finding out the ties to Celiac/gluten now.

Why aren't I getting comments?

 The traffic on this blog is high enough I am kind of in shock, no one is commenting. The traffic has been very high in the last few months. 

Is the process to comment too hard?

Are your comments not going through? The way it works is when you comment, it goes through to me and then I am to approve the comments. I would leave the comments open, but I am afraid of getting doxed or getting mean messages to come through like if a relative found the blog. 

you can email me at fivehundredpoundpeep@gmail.com to tell me direct there.

I know I may get some spam.

Maybe people agree with me, so there's nothing to comment on?

The ones that would disagree aren't posting either.

Please send me any feedback you may have on this issue.

I would try and respond to most comments.

Thank you. 

PS. Tell me what topics you enjoy the most too. 

Making Homelessness Illegal While Increasing Homelessness

 

The cut off for Medicaid in my state has remained at the same number since 2016. That means in ten years even with extreme inflation and over that long of a period of time, they kept the cut-off the same. That is a giant backdoor cut in Medicaid. I live in a state historically known as "blue". I was right about the extreme welfare cut-offs. Back in the 2010s, I remember all the household budgets, all the prices have gone up by 100 percent, especially doubled. I am paying on so many medical bills, with payment plans, I have a roster of them all to keep track of them. Default on bills is probably off the chain now. I've paid mine but they keep going up. 

No one can afford their bills. Lest someone blame the Republicans only for all the welfare cuts, the welfare, Medicaid, EBT insanity happened under Democrats too. We essentially do not have social services anymore. This is very scary for a disabled person. They raised Medicare Premiums. I get a small Social Security check and today, almost 300 of it is taken out of the gate for premiums/Medicare D premiums. So I get my low-level check, an amount anyone would struggle to live on and 300 of it is gone on the first day. All costs were increased by 140 dollars in one year.

The rich jerks in charge don't care. They are only out for themselves. Maybe this is what you get when all your politicians are rich and even local ones live the 6 figure life and are completely out of touch with how ordinary people have to live. We had 60 dollars to spend at Aldis yesterday. I'm doing things like eating the same thing over and over for dinner, its cheaper and there's only so choices.  I consider skipping meals again, but get scared about my weird metabolism, that can go even lower if there's too little food. The money they expect everyone to pay on everything is insane. The powers that be lie and tell us inflation is only 4 percent, we know it's far higher. We are paying double for somethings we got just a few years ago.

I'm in danger of homelessness. So is my husband. If one of us dies or needs long term hospitalization or rehab, the other party is in great financial peril.  In my husband's case, I am hoping his sister or best friend would take him in. I am hoping friends would help me but that's a lot to ask of anyone especially in someone's case like my own where there's severe medical problems to contend with. The way they got the housing set up, as I have written about multiple times and the rest, the system seems designed to just crush people. Too many assume disabled people will be automatically helped. Trust me, social workers never had much mercy for me. The one social worker was sincere from my house call doctor's office at least but their first order of business is usually to turn you away. I worry even now about weight discrimination affecting me when it comes to housing. I wanted to meet with social workers, and talk to them about emergency plans for both I and husband, "What should we do?" but there was nothing like that out there. 

 Yesterday I talked about what we should do if either of us ends up homeless.  I said my arbitrary plan is to find an open disability apartment but that would mean moving to a very remote area most likely away from medical care, and that is scary. "There really is no social services system and we have to plan accordingly." This is why I wanted us to move into housing and why the HUD cut offs are so punishing. I'm still on one list as a back-up and probably should go on more just for back-up but the HUD cut-offs are insane too, they match the 10 year old Medicaid cut-offs that do not take inflation or reality into consideration. There was a lot more help 10 years ago.

 The system is NOT working anymore. The amount of money the social workers except people to live on no longer works, in my state they never changed anything for all this inflation. That is why Medicaid is using the same numbers from 2016. The math doesn't math. My rent is paid, but this is a burden I live under.  I'm tired of living in fear.  I also have told him chances are if we remain housed, we may have to take in a friend or other people who become homeless. "The streets are going to fill up with hoboes just like it did during the first Great Depression!"

How much do the assholes in charge plan to squeeze everyone? Until they can't eat? That usually brings revolutions in world history. Revolutions can make things worse and then you basically live in a war zone, where supplies are vaporized. Hate to tell you all but I see outraged comments on many websites, where people write things like {paraphrasing here}

"Let it collapse"

"This government does not care about us"

"Thomas Jefferson had the remedy"

"I am sick of these bills, I hope society just cracks up and I no longer have to pay them"

There's been "revolution"  comments too, I won't repeat here, but use your imagination. I don't want my blog censored.

This is something new and means people are getting fed up. Some of us are questioning a "ruined decade" starting with 2020.

These are the comments of a failing society with failed leadership on multiple levels. Thinking of that old bicentennial time, people back then liked being American. It wasn't perfect, the 1970s had problems and Jimmy Carter but there was a lot more hope back then. 

I make jokes to my husband if famine hits, well we are fat, and our metabolisms suck and maybe we would survive. Americans were so passive and bent over for all the Covid crap, will they just watch fellow citizens starve as they suck their thumbs? Some of us have friends who have helped thankfully but what is wrong with this place? I am glad someone asked this question....

What is going to happen when the lower class can't afford anything anymore?

Yes what is going to happen? See Argentina, the Weimer Republic, etc. etc. It's not good. 

Most churches don't care. Those of us who are this poor, know we can't afford church or would be embarrassed as the pastors make their tithing demands. Locally they closed our Soup Kitchen, they said, "Oh we are going to reopen it" and there the building sits still not open two years ago. We drove by it the other day. Someone told me they pass out bag lunches. I feel bad unable to give much. I do give spare scraps for food I can't eat to one food box, but then I take from it too. If I had money I'd fill that damn thing up, with some canned meat, real food and things people would enjoy eating instead of the endless parade of beans. 

The United States sucks now and is becoming a third world country. There's a reason they got hygiene stations with shampoo for the poor at your local library. People can't even afford those items. It's for the homeless living in cars and tents but other poor people can't afford it either. The food banks got worse. They hand out the same cans of beans over and over. The churches hand out the same government food everywhere, around this area, that includes usually cheap cereal, a can of black beans, a can of pinto beans, or bag of pinto beans, maybe some rice, cheap bread, and boxes of macaroni and cheese. The cans of chicken disappeared around 6 months ago. 

How come no one ever says, 'we should be able to afford basic things, this is wrong". Working people should not be homeless, or unable to afford shampoo or groceries or their bills. Hey in the 1990s, I knew bullshit was coming when they started all that "temp" crap, and I would have been happy enough back then to get a basic plastics factory job to pay my bills and be stable, but they made them all temp which means you couldn't depend on the work or the pay. I'm disabled, I never expected to be rich being disabled but right now the disability checks are shrinking and inflation has made them almost worthless. For years after I paid rent, there was always a certain buffer that was left, well that's now gone.  Sometimes I hate my body because it made me poor. It is ironic I have to go without. One friend meant well giving me more dieting advice, but I thought, "Don't you realize I go without now all the time?" I and my husband are always splitting a portion for ONE into a portion for TWO." We did it yesterday with an Indian package of food I got for a cheaper price from the Indian store. Food choices are restricted from poverty all the time. 

We are told all this utter crap about America being the richest country in the world. What a joke! The rest of the world sees this embarrassment. Iran did a video feeling sorry for poor Americans knowing the numbers of the homeless and unemployed here are exploding. 

 There's hoarded wealth at the top, but Americans are now becoming some of the poorest people on earth as far as developed nations go. Some guy I am guessing some sort of system lover, told me on YouTube comments to go see how great Cuba, Venezuela and Iran were. It was kind of weird they chose countries the USA is messing with instead of fixing problems here. Sorry that's not working, I live in an area where I can see ruins within a few miles once I leave the "good part of town", your delusional rah-rah American crap isn't going to cut it! There's YouTube videos about the ghetto area I live near and how "dangerous" it is, even though I am there an average of twice a week. These rich dummies who never see out of their bubbles still believe all that crap about America being rich because they are rich themselves. They live in denial and get mad at anyone who talks about the real state of the economy.

Patriotism is dying on a withering vine, in a place where so many have decided to lick the boots of soulless billionaires and sold their own family members out down the river. My ancestors destroyed my future life moving to this place, and denying their heritages. I told my husband, his German parents should have stayed home, maybe he would have been a middle-class man there. I would go back and tell my Hungarian and German ancestors, "Stay the hell home!"

from Passion for the Past blogspot. Check out the article too, and go down memory lane. 

Those of us old enough to remember the bicentennial, remember what a big deal it was, our schools had us dress up, our parents bought decorations where there was glass plates with colonial scenes  and brass Liberty bells. There were giant parades and celebrations. We felt proud to be American. Now that the 250th anniversary is here, no one cares.

What is there to celebrate? Our leaders hate us and seem to want us dead [Covid-democide].  They are out of touch jerks with no empathy. They have turned the USA into an exporter of wars instead of anything good. The world hates the United States now. They look at how abused the American people are and the poisonous food here and are disgusted. Some feel sorry for us while others are afraid of this place. 

 I'm talking about both parties. When local politicians bootlick that data center companies ignoring all the desires of fellow citizens, you wonder how come the sincere ones are so rare? There's nothing to look forward to but a possible AI hellscape with a oppressive social credit system. Anyone with half a brain can tell things in America are getting worse. We will be lucky if this place doesn't become like the book "The Road" and the better option would be for it to fade into third world obscurity.  Some rich boomers can delude themselves with dreams about QFS and Nesara and whatever you call it, supposedly making everyone rich, but you are taking crazy pills to think these billionaires from hell are going to share. 

Homelessness does seem to be exploding, I live in a more affluent town, they keep them hidden around here but I follow some social media pages of towns in my state that have been taken over by the homeless. Remember the town I went to college in? That place is so overrun with homeless people it's insane. There's one YouTube channel of a Christian man feeding the homeless there, and there's lots of them. Some are elderly but others are very young. They all look very hungry. 

I couldn't get a job in that town in the 1990s, so I'm sure things got worse there. By 2012, the train station and a McDonalds was known as "homeless central", you could get hit up by 15 beggars all at once. I don't blame the people begging, some have nothing. There are some homeless organizations there that hand out tents, food and set up free vision, and hearing clinics for the destitute. Getting a job in that place would be like winning a Lotto.

My attitude towards that town is a negative one, I was poor there and denied needed help. The place sucked, there was a thin sliver of rich people and everyone else was poor. You had to beg to get even the crappiest temp job in the 1990s. I won't be surprised if it collapses into another heap and becomes another notorious poor and collapsed town in my rust belt state. Think of Gary Indiana, there's tons of Gary Indiana's, scattered across my state. It's a town on the way to collapse in my opinion. 

We are in a Depression. This economy is a sinking ship. It is crazy how they have made homelessness illegal in many places while doing everything possible to increase homelessness. The laws are written in a way to make all needed activities in being homeless illegal, like sleeping in your car or camping. They don't provide any options either. When I was on X/Twitter, some conservatives were claiming Trump was going to have more homeless shelters built to get them off the streets. There's been no evidence of that whatsoever. 

The laser technician having to buy a dog bed to sleep on in the back seat of her car, that's very sad. There are a lot of people living this way now. Then there's the people who bought the camping trailer to live in. A lot of the new laws about "camping" in multiple states is going to make their lives a lot harder.  I have written about the social services system being set up like a maze where people fall through on purpose. The same applies to homelessness. They are ensuring that more people will end up homeless, but at the same time making survival impossible and writing the rules to punish people for becoming homeless. The system is set up in a way to destroy people. Some people who visit America are now commenting that this place is depressed. I see it in everyday life.

I agreed with this comment..

"veebeequeen

1 day ago

Why the hell do we have 'government' when it does nothing for the people. This makes my heart so sad for so many people experiencing this. I've lived in a van for good chunk of time and I loved the experience, but that was due to choice and not necessity. States making homelessness illegal with NO backup options or assistance is purely evil.

It is evil.

The evil in charge don't realize, they've lost people. Yeah there's still a few brainwashed MAGAS out there, the majority to be frank have jumped ship.  They know and admit Trump turned his back on the American people and America First was a lie with the war on Iran and the state of the economy. Some are getting the inkling in an owned and corrupt system, that voting just feels like a dead end.

The Democratic party is a joke and already trying to foist Newsome, the guy who destroyed California on us. I saw his new book at the library, why would I read that trash? California has the highest numbers of homeless people. His new book seems to push identity politics as a selling point.  He helped with gay marriage so look away from the slums of California and the endless people living in tents. 

The young have grown so disenfranchised it's scary, they are getting tired. I see far less hope in them then when I was young. 

This guy is right too:

[–]Typical-Mud-8589 1 point 2 hours ago 

When the gap between survival and affordability becomes impossible to bridge, the social contract essentially dissolves, leading to massive instability and collective unrest. We are really playing with fire if we keep ignoring the reality that everyone deserves a baseline of dignity and survival.

Sadly this cycle has been repeated over and over in world history. The social contract in America is fraying to nothing, there will be far more instability and unrest. One town I considered moving to for cheaper rent, it is good I did not go there. I found out later from their Neighborhood board, the cheap rent got raised as of last year and is at least 1,000-1100 dollars. As everywhere gets more poorer, the crime rate will skyrocket. Many posts are about people being stolen from. They were looking for a stolen kid's bike the other day. 

I wrote for years how poverty destroyed my health, and was part of my severe obesity story and wrote poems about it. Ironically this blog's traffic is growing like gangbusters. I get the feeling the growing poverty in America is bringing me readers, because I am one of the very few who talks about life being poor. Have any of you noticed, how there's no voices of anyone but rich jerks allowed anymore? You never see books, or writings etc. by ordinary people anymore. It's all bougiecrats, and elites. This is one reason zines are part of my hobbies. I know I am taking forever on the Covid zine, but the next one will be Fat Pat dealing with the ECONOMY. I have endless comics I already drew in my journals. When people are made voiceless that's a problem.

Why don't the Poor have a voice? Have you noticed how no one talks about poverty or the real economy except for some videos on Youtube or alternative websites? We are STILL being gaslit to death. We have been silenced. Why aren't there websites more directly addressing the USA economy? How come we have to go to the independents to get any news or any validation about what is happening? Think about that and how our media and everything else is owned by the same 6-7 corporations. 

The level of poverty among people is worsening too. What about young newly disabled people? How will they survive when survival was so hard even earlier? I am not seeing the reactions that should be happening in an economy like this. They have distanced us from society. I hope some people are trying to find solutions and I am just cut off from knowing about these things. Are things going to change? Are there are going to be more communes? Will a mutual aid society come to my area? Will the churches actually do anything in terms of food, and helping the homeless, instead of passing out boxes of government food? I don't know.  There's that point where you say well, I should be doing something positive instead of waiting for someone to do it. Maybe ponder that in your own life. 

If our leaders suck, and the system is failing, we may need to build parallel systems or do things on a local basis for survival and community. Look for needs in your area and see what you can do. It's better to be proactive in this way and seek out more community and personal ties. If the economy does collapse, this may help with survival in the long run. I do wish there was more awake people around me. I know some thank goodness. This may sound like weird advice coming from me but if you have a decent family keep them around, I hope you can help each other. That was a sign of a real family. 

I try to think of solutions all the time for personal survival, some ideas of mine are funny like, eating the same thing for dinner for 4-5 days, and some worked like thinking of stuff to sell. What about the bigger survival picture? Is anyone out there thinking of solutions? My own health, resources and power are pretty limited. I guess one thing I want to say is don't wait for the rich jerks to come and "save you" or those around you. Hopefully some grassroots stuff is coming together. The Buy Nothing movement is one positive thing out there, it's how I get free stuff and exchange things I don't need.  Americans are already starting to barter under necessity and Buy Nothing is evidence of that. I think of history where people did come together to meet needs not being met in other places. 

I went to a Buy Nothing Meet-up, and while no one took the clothing I had, I donated those things later. We got some cookie sheets and other usable items. We need more things like that. Maybe we need something food based so people can share resources for food.  Some towns may have Food Not Bombs chapters but something along those lines. This town needs some more community gardening, maybe some places can do things like that. I'm trying now to research what is out there on the economic justice front and local endeavors. I may do a blog article listing groups I found nationally. Here's one group called the Poor People's Army. 

I know the extreme wokes may have ruined some things out there, but maybe there's some still old school types trying to bring real help and answers as far as economic oppression goes. No Kings is a joke, many here know my opinion about them. Many some people should do their own protests, I know there's some real antiwar protests not associated with No Kings. I looked up one in Chicago. Are there any real economic protests or other endeavors out there? I don't know. These are some questions I would like to answer.  

 I'm just one person but I am looking around trying to figure out if there are local people examining the economy like me or trying to form other systems for survival. We need community especially in a time like this. I still dream of a church where the place shares resources and isn't just about enriching a pastor.  I did meet a local independent disability activist; I plan to go visit with soon. Maybe I will talk to her about ideas related to disability. 

The second Depression will be a lot harder. We barely know our neighbors. We have too many churches that shut the poor out. Many of us have no families. Community is gone. Some of us more fortunate have friends but in dystopia America you see people all the time who talk about having no friends. This place does everything to separate people and ruin community that it can. We definitely need community back. With the homeless, there needs to be less focus on "punishment" and more on responding to what made them homeless to begin with. I remember when people wanted society to function and wanted things to be better. Why have things gotten to the point where the actions taken are always ones to ruin people's lives and make it worse? It needs to change.

Estranged Parents Who Ignore the Reality of the Today's Economy and Blame Their Adult Kids for It

I saw this [see the post below] today written on Social Media. It's crazy. The lack of empathy and understanding is extreme.

I just wrote an article about how too many of the estranged parents do not understand or care about the economic suffering of their adult children and how this has created a giant chasm. This is one reason families are dividing. Let this display be evidence for what that article was stating.

The Demise of the American Family 3: The Economic Chasm is Causing the Estrangement Too.

I wrote for years about how I was economically divided from my family. It is a known fact disability will bring poverty to one's life. This display horrified me, the whole attitude here seems to be "I gave you money and you should be thankful and put up with my abuse, and put downs because you're a failure anyway!" Go on and read with the horror you should be feeling. And these people wonder why their adult kids just cleared out? Some like me decided no contact was better even if that meant homelessness if they had to be looked down on for the rest of their lives. 

Maybe the estranged adult child got sick of being the worm, with parents who never could imagine their suffering. Notice they think the 30 year old wants to be home and dependent, that is farthest from the truth in most cases! Are there irresponsible people? Sure, but most want to be able to make a living. Do they not realize the swathe of destruction the economy has done to young people?  Most people desire economic viability and independence. 

We are seeing entire generations being wiped out and denied adult basics, milestones and being able to build lives, but with the brainwashing from the media about "entitlement", this has only worsened. People do not understand the human cost here. We have people now who are not finding any place in society where there is total disaffection. They cannot support themselves and that is a sign of a society that has utterly failed.  When you set up society for your young people to be worse off, and not able to build an adult life into their 30s and 40s, that is a sign of a failing society as well. 

Someone who could afford to buy a house at 24 and have a secure enough job to make this happen, has no idea what today's young people are facing. They seem absolutely immune to what has happened in the last few years too, with extreme inflation, and job-layoffs as well. We are having a double economy formed where the ones on top have absolutely no idea what the majority are facing. They insinuate that the young person wants a new car instead of one that runs and other stereotypes that simply aren't true. I do hate that they lump Gen X into this stuff. Gen X had it far harder economically. There may be a few sadly with these attitudes who did well, and do not relate to what their own children are facing. 

"Let's be clear from the start: there are adults in the younger generations who are hardworking, grateful, and deeply connected to their families. Economic realities are genuinely harder in many ways—housing costs, student debt, and a shifting job market are real. So this is not a sweeping indictment of an entire generation of people. But as a whole, a pattern has emerged in the past few decades that would have been unthinkable to most of GenX and Boomer parents—and it deserves to be addressed because economics play a huge part in estrangement. 

"Many of us left home at eighteen or close to it. We would sooner have gone without than ask our parents for rent money in our mid-twenties or early thirties. Not because our parents were cold, but because we knew it was our responsibility. Many of our parents couldn't afford to help. We also were trained to live within our means. For example, at twenty-four, I managed to buy my first small house but then spent seven years with yard sale furniture until I could afford better. I have never owned a new car or bought one on credit. Independence wasn't just expected—it was something we wanted, something we were in a hurry to claim.  We valued what our parents had earned and what they achieved.  I tried very hard to pass this independence on to my six children (one of whom is estranged), but it was a struggle seeing how MUCH their friends received even when their parents couldn't afford it.

What makes today even more painful for so many estranged parents is that they gave more than any previous generation. They paid longer, supported more generously, said yes when their own parents would have said absolutely not—and in far too many cases, the return on that extraordinary investment was silence. A blocked number. A letter full of clinical language about boundaries and healing. The door they kept open, financially and emotionally, was the same door that was eventually closed in their face.  Giving was never supposed to end like this. But here we are. — *************

 #independent #abandoned #familydynamics #parentchildrelationship #genx #boomer #finances

Look at that meme....think about what the quote in red means... "Their Generation Expects rent, groceries, phone, car---as a right". Oh you mean you want to eat and not be homeless?? That's expecting too much? That's absurd! And then that last quote, too, They truly expected their kids to give up independence to them in trade for any financial help? 

Unless you were very smart and set your 18 year old up with Vocational Training in high school or a position in a family business, most 18 year olds aren't going to be able to make a living. Some may be able to join the military and take alternative paths but most 18 years olds at this present year, are not able to make a living to support themselves. Do I think things were better when an 18 year old could make a living? Yes. Even basic jobs would feed and house you 50 years ago. Something is very wrong in this country. 

If you are a parent who wants your kid out on his 18th birthday then you better train that child to be able to make a living and not set them up to fail but win. This means vocational training, practical skills that can be used at a job and allowing them to start working early in life. This also means encouragement, treating your child with some respect and love so they will have the confidence to succeed. This also means, no smear campaigns and utilizing family and friend networks, for your child to develop skills and community to make it more possible they can make a living and support themselves at a very early age. Sadly, most personality disordered parents will not do these things. It is a known fact in ACON communities that ACONS are not taught life skills, are blocked from growth activities, and are often smeared to others who will be less likely to hire them. Some will be infantilized and controlled to the point life goes from zero to 60. They are a 16 year old barely allowed to leave the house, but then suddenly they better be making over 2500+  a month to support an apartment, a running car, and to feed themselves at 18.

When you have a rich or well off parent who owned a house by 24 years of age, who always has had secure employment and never wanted for a dollar in their entire life and they have no interest in your reality or empathy for your situation, that is very scary. Remember in my case even with my troubles, I was out by age 21 and never missed or was late on one rent or rental room payment but for today's young, things are far, far worse. Yes, these estranged parents may have worked hard but they were given a PLACE in society to do so. One can see in the above there is absolutely no understanding.

If your parent is like this, it is better if you just clear out and never ask them for anything because this is one thing that will affect your self-esteem and more. I want to warn young people reading this, you don't want to grow up to have people resent you or see you as a leech. Focus on practicality, realize this is no longer a fair and functioning society. We are dealing with Depression era logistics, but no one is telling the truth anymore. Find a teacher or guidance counselor who knows the real deal and is willing to be honest. Explore things like vocational programs and Job Corps and read "adulting books". If you have a resentful parent, you have to put far more effort into launching yourself, so you do not end up dependent. 

Sometimes I want to cry for young people seeing what is happening to them. Many of them are far worse off than I was when young. If you don't make enough money in American society, you are denied respect, love and even a family of any real note in any cases. You are "entitled" in your desire to eat and have a roof over your head. When I saw this, I was horrified and there were tons of people agreeing with her on this post. Does anyone have empathy for what young people are facing today? Many have parents who do not. 

A Great Graphic Novel: Ginseng Roots

 

One of my latest habits is ordering graphic novels, I can't afford, off Interlibrary Loan instead. Ginseng Roots was one of my favorite graphic novels ever. It is by Craig Thompson. His book Blankets about an evangelical childhood was very good too. This book had memoir, history, and more. 

I'm still reading a lot of graphic novels. It's a rare hobby for a woman my age but I enjoy it and will continue. After all I've done my own graphic novel projects on here even though those were self-published. My love of comics has continued. A suburban library near my town does allow us to hold a card there, so I've checked out more graphic novels there. 

Here's some of my recent graphic novels from the library. I liked all of these except the Love and Rockets one, there was these big boobed women I keep mixing up with each other and it just seemed pointless and raunchy for shock value. 

The Blues Brother one was entertaining, interestingly enough it was a project led by one of Dan Ackroyd's kids. My love of "slice of life" anime has continued, "Home Office Romance" was a nice book. I'm read the first three books of "The Way of the House Husband" anime series this week. 

"Human Beings Do Not Make Food Choices in Isolation"

 I liked this quote so wanted to share it:

"A doctor on Facebook decries the prevalence of chronic illness and promotes the idea that nutrition is the answer. 

A critical missing factor in such promotions is the nervous system and the social environment in which people live. 

Food, insulin resistance, and ultra-processed food systems are important. But human beings do not make food choices in isolation.

Chronic stress, financial insecurity, trauma, social isolation, sleep disruption, overwork, discrimination, and lack of safety change physiology. They shift appetite, cravings, inflammation, digestion, hormone balance, glucose regulation, and energy use. A body under chronic stress often seeks fast calories and quick relief because survival becomes prioritized over long-term health.

That is why so many diets fail. People often try to change behavior while still living in the same conditions that helped create the problem.

The healthcare system also tends to individualize responsibility while ignoring the larger environment. Food corporations engineer highly rewarding products, communities lose access to real food and social support, people work exhausting schedules, and then individuals are blamed for “poor choices.”

Health is relational and physiological, not just behavioral. Sustainable change usually happens when people have enough safety, support, rest, connection, stability, and access for the body to stop living in constant survival mode. See less"

From Trauma Aware America on Social media.

I like this website because she questions societal systems paired with mental health treatment. Seriously check it out. 

The Demise of the American Family 4: Distance Was Part of It

 

Many Americans have no money to travel anymore. What will this mean in a world where everyone lives far away from relatives?

People can't afford to see each other in person anymore. 

During the boomer's era when a man with a high school diploma could get a job let's say at a factory, or as a school janitor, could buy a house and raise some kids and feed them, life was different then. That family had enough expendable income to go to "Grandma's house" even if grandma lived hundreds of miles away. This is another issue not being explored by sociologists very much, how declining money and expenses for travel are breaking up family. Sure some say you can stay in touch via distance. I have friends online I never have met in person, I've talked to for 25 plus years. It often can work. With family though, if you are simply not around, and you don't have people who like writing letters or emails, the relationships will die on the vine. If you all live hundreds or even thousands of miles away long enough, time will erode any possible relationships. The poorer you are, the less contact you will have with your family. The younger generations who cannot afford rent, food, and more do not have money to spend hundreds and thousands of dollars to "go home" and visit family.

We were all scattered for careers that didn't pan out. 

One thing I have noticed is social services, counselors and others assume everyone has a family. While SOME people have family networks where they live, that's far fewer. Narcissistic parents will scatter families, people move away, even the golden and lost children feel the strain around the narcissistic parent, they think "I got to get out of here!" Families broke up for careers and economics and well while it paid off for older generations that did find careers, it stripped away any notion of family for younger people.

One thing I noticed in some smaller towns I lived in, is some families were still intact, they all lived in the same town. Life for them was far different, their family and relatives were part of the warp and weave of their everyday life. I know this woman where there were 5 sisters and they all lived in town, one was deceased but they visited her all the time in the nursing home before she died.

You Separated Everyone Long Ago 

I notice the estranged parent set never deal with this issue. I have posted about their outraged anger at their estranged children but do some realize, many of us grew up without extended family simply because they were too far away? Do they realize many of us saw our families scatter to the 4 winds, hundreds and thousands of miles away? I have written about how I grew up being hundreds of miles from all relatives. Why are some of these estranged parents shocked, that families have broken up? They blame their estranged kids but don't realize the fix was put in place for families to split up years and years ago.

I saw this estranged parent on social media getting angry at estranged children claiming, "They have no loyalty, roots, or sense of history, towards their family." Well what do you expect? Those things were thrown away in the 1960s. Family were strangers they saw once or twice a year or less. They couldn't pay their rent and their jobs paid them only basic survival wages so how could they afford to run around and visit people and build relationships with them? They weren't family, they were strangers. Even on Breaking Bad, the relatives were present in each other's lives even though Walter White was betraying them. 

This estranged parent ranted about  "family being reduced to DNA". 

What do you expect? Seriously. You think there's real relationships among people who never see or talk to each other? The reality is, that for many family members all they share is DNA and no relationships. I was far closer to loving friends I met online, I shared heart to heart conversations with via email than I was many family members. I sought "family" in all the churches I joined. It worked out once but then I was forced to move away from those folks. Church could be weird watching people around their families, and most of the conservative ones became extremely family focused to the point people without families did not feel welcomed. 

When a society decided that everything was going to be monetized this means social capital as defined by the book "Bowling Alone", connection no longer mattered. Along with the third spaces, family disappeared too. All decisions were to be made based on economics and "making it". Now that the younger generations aren't making it, the system is failing, the families are gone and the economic success except for the very wealthy has dried up. The estranged parents don't even understand or realize why their adult children are so upset. 

When Grandma lives over 500 miles away for years and as an adult, you live even further away for over 30 years.

How is a kid going to see "family" as important if they lived far away from all relatives and relatives were these people they only saw once to twice a year and sometimes less? I went no contact due to abuse, but I know one reason my mother gained control of the family so easily and why so many of the "better" relationships died on the vine, was I simply lived too far away and could not afford the necessary travel to maintain relationships with family. I didn't have the hundreds of dollars to go visit one's cousin's wedding, and I also had medical problems that made long distance travel far harder. It occurred to me as I tried to rescue a few relationships with some before going no contact with the entire family, some simply had no interest in maintaining family ties. They found my desire to "get to know each other" weird. They didn't relate to it. There was this sense that everyone was supposed to have their own life, and by even displaying a desire to have them in my life, I had broken some unwritten rule. In my case I learned to no longer beg people or go to empty wells, but the default was, "We don't care, get your own life, leave us alone". 

 No one came to visit me for years except for 10 minute stop offs on the way to elsewhere and even that disappeared. No one is going to keep any relationships going with this type of distance. 

Reaching out to Strangers Got Old and They left Me Before I Left Them

What does family mean today? Before I was no contact, I used to make phone calls, I was the type to call Grandma on a regular basis and even Aunt Confused. I sent presents, cards and more. What did it all mean? I was always reaching out while no one reached out to me or did as little as possible. I've talked about how I became a stranger. As I wrote in my no contact letter to my mother "Both of us have noticed we have become more ostracized over the years,  If people slam a door in your face enough times...what happens if you have any self-respect left? You walk away." And yes the slamming doors ricocheted through my life and affected what decisions I made. You can only try and force relationships that don't really exist so much. 

Churches Aren't for People with No Families

One reason conservative circles were always hard for me, was they all talked about how important family was. My fundamentalist churches, especially the last two, pounded on it continually. Those patriarchal types with their Quiverful clans of 10-12 kids lived in the world of yesterday no longer available to most. They had money and land for all those kids and tons of relatives around them. Many seemed stuck in the lives of 50 years ago where aunt and uncle lived down the street and you could go talk to them. Church got weird sometimes, the second IFB was always preaching how important family was. What if you didn't have one? Everything was about the "family". 

Some didn't get the memo that most families were all broken up starting in the 1960s and we didn't have extended families anymore. The demise of the extended family, I believe made narcissism worse. When there was more of a community around, there was more pressure to keep the narco-paths in control, '"why are you treating your kid that way?" An abused kid could get a break at a relative's house if they were close enough. The isolation of the nuclear family allowed abuse to fester and grow within four walls. The worse could get away with more. There was no one to challenge them. There was no community to demand at least a certain modicum of behavior. 

Uncles, Aunts, Cousins etc. you don't know.

Uncle Lost Boy doesn't care that I exist. He's never sent me a card and neither has his wife. I doubt he's thought of me in 25 years. "Oh I have a niece". That's the reality today. If I was homeless could I call Uncle Lost Boy for help? Doubtful. I'm a stranger. Remember I have no beefs with him. He's too controlled and passive in the face of my mother but there's been no harsh words between us. He is far closer to his wife's more traditional working class family who all live in the same town. Who can blame him?

My father's family had nothing to do with my family. We visited them but no one visited us after 1982 when my family moved to the Midwest from the East Coast. Aunt Confused kept some contact and visited once in 1998, but otherwise went poof out of our lives especially when she disappeared in the early 1980s and didn't even say goodbye to me as a teen. That was over with. They had money for trips, but no one was interested. Oddly they kept in contact with my mother, but money and lavish presents were motivators for weddings. First cousins, simply had nothing to do with us. 

I am not the only one no one talks to because I went no contact. My brother told me he hadn't talked to my sister in 2 and half years right before I went no contact with him. My other two siblings are at least at the very low contact level and could be no contact now. I found out from Aunt Confused, that two granddaughters wouldn't even share their addresses with her. She was invited to weddings, but not allowed to be part of their day to day lives. The cousin who called me to tell me he had gotten divorced, a few years ago, told me he hadn't seen any family members in years. Some ACONS warn when the scapegoat leaves, the families break apart. Mine had broken apart before I left the fractures definitely grew. Younger people don't have the same money, time, resources, energy or space to maintain family relationships like older generations. That impact is already happening. 

This issue has been covered on this blog by me multiple times where I talked about my life as an "economic nomad" and there was never any real home. Someone may ask "What's your home town?" What town do I name? They say "move home to family for support"  to young people. Some have divorced parents so things are even more broken up. What does that mean when the family is spread about 5 different states? 

One thing I constantly noticed in the fundamentalist and conservative churches I was in, was many were in the more traditional mode, they lived among family members mostly in small towns. Now these churches were mostly the Baby Boomer generation and older. They had jobs and established lives in small towns, and extensive networks. This will not be true of the younger generations. I predicted there's going to be a lot of churches closing when the boomer generation dies off. This one thing I chafed against in all my conservative and evangelical churches. Many evangelical churches claim they grow by going out to the highways and byways and street preaching for new "converts" but I'll be frank, that's rare. Most people in the churches are family members. I've noticed with some of the estranged parents, they all are of that background, some are evangelicals using religion to shame their "wayward" youth. 

Conservative politicians were always hypocrites about "family values", they pushed those in our faces for years, while pushing idyllic 1950 visions of home and hearth, they built financial systems and took away all social safety nets that would have allowed more families and communities to remain intact. I didn't want to hear about how all the people without families were wicked. I've noticed the estranged parent movement has a huge evangelical flavor to it, where they push the same stuff ignoring the economic realities their adult children face and say their children are all "wicked". 

Physical Presence Matters

Family will break down from distance alone, physical presence matters. In history, cultures had rituals and shared events. These events built up solidarity and positive memories. That won't happen in a family that can no longer afford travel or participate in any traditions or meet-ups.  The family dinners, and family reunions of yesterday also have disappeared. I am old enough to have seen some of those things in the 1970s. Things were different then. When I was sent to my aunt's house to stay, that wouldn't happen for many children today.  Due to distance, people will be facing extreme illness, poverty and other life troubles on their own. Those with young children will be on their own or fully dependent on expensive daycare. The family is simply not there to help. As the economy gets more oppressive this means the young will have less to do with their families, even in non-toxic ones they would otherwise desire contact with. The money will simply not be there. 

Connection between family members has broken down. Now there's those of us who had to break connections that brought pain, abuse and sabotage to our lives, but there's many connections being broken now for other reasons. Family are strangers that don't even know what your day to day life is like. I see the theme with young people trying to describe their reality to their parents, where the parents take little interest, or do not relate whatsoever to what they are facing. The old days weren't perfect, some were stifled and controlled too much by their family systems. Some families were abusive or demanded too much. Small town life with a permanent reputation at the hands of your family could be oppressive. People were told to obey parents to the extreme. However, this isn't good either.

Family as Competition Clubs, with No Love or Loyalty

However there were some family values, that were different. There were notions of loyalty, duty and more. While some of these things could be used as a trap, in the "old days" one could depend on one's family a bit more. A daughter would not be left to die in an inner city with no one to help or even pushed to get a job like that in the first place to avoid "homelessness". Family used to take each other in if they faced hard times. There was unity in some families. There was some cooperation and an idea of "us against the world". Older generations did have the outlook of "keeping the family together". I've seen this meme around and there's truth in it. Many have noticed when their Silent Generation grandparent died or even a more traditional older boomer did, the family folded, no one was having family meet-ups any longer even beyond the affordability issues.

My family was a competition club. I'm not the only poor person who got mocked. I grew up listening to this nonsense. Nepotism became for the favorites instead of trying to help the family as whole. I noticed among older generations there wasn't such a severe divide economically between family members. This is definitely one thing that has happened to the American family. There was no more togetherness, there was economic competition. There's a reason estranged and toxic parents put their kids down as "losers", and then they are shocked when said adult children, walk away. They have no sense. Of course they would. Their family is not a bastion against a cold hard world but people who made everything far more difficult. 

While there were disabled people who were abused or rejected, [locked away in the attic] I know if several great-uncles and aunts got Huntington's today, instead of 50 years ago, their fate would have been far worse. I don't have contact with those family lines anymore to know how their children have fared. Family shared business and opportunities where now that seems to be only competition. Some wealthier families do use nepotism still, but many are left out of that. There was some social contract and more trust within families. Family was supposed to protect and look out for each other. That definitely has been lost in many places. Leaving a relative to the homeless shelter instead of helping them, would have brought shame in the old days. 

There were negatives, abuse could be hidden, via the unspoken message "We don't air our dirty laundry in public", you didn't go to therapists back then. There could be more secrets but family in more cases was something you could depend on more. The second Great Depression will be far harder on people because during the first Great Depression there was far more family cohesiveness and connection. 

There's some panicking because Gen Z and younger generations don't want children, "We've gone below replacement levels!" If you think about it why would they?  People aren't receiving fond memories of family but dealing with families that harmed and abused them. Even if more neutral, family connection is something for yesterday. DNA today means strangers who live far away, it doesn't mean people you can turn to or count on. I know some fortunate souls have a far different experience of family but for many people it's been a wholly negative experience. This is one reason young people don't want children, if family is a negative word to you, why would you want to add members to a family that never had your back and always left you behind?