Me and Revelation

 

As you all know, I used to be a fundamentalist Christian and even had a conspiracy and bible prophecy blog. Sometimes I've suffered some cognitive dissonance lately, why are the elite doing things I warned about circa 2010? It's a bit worrying. 

The whole world seems to be under delusion. Revelations 13 seems to be happening as they tell people they can't buy, sell or travel unless they do a certain something. All our governments have rapidly moved into totalitarianism. Hell I used to warn about the Fema camps in 2003 on conspiracy boards, and Australia, Austria and Germany have them set up for people. Yeah what am I supposed to think? I was right about 9-11, then they were starting to clamp down but now they are busily building the matrix for the Great Reset and the "Internet of Bodies". 

One thing I am noticing is the people who are awake about this Covid garbage, even if they are not necessarily religious or of my background are asking questions like why are our leaders [aka parasites] so evil? Why have they taken things so far? Why did they do insane bullshit like the gain of function stuff that led us to this place? Why is the world acting as one in the insanity? Why is there no 'safe' country to run to? Some have theorized to me Mexico and Romania would be safer. Others think China is fighting WWIII, and we already lost, full of mRNA ticking timebombs in everyone that took it and only the West is screwed.

That part freaks me out the most because when I was a fundamentalist, I would go on and on about the "one world government" and "one world religion" and even wrote articles about how the "great awakening" would be fake, and bring in the Antichrist. There were conspiracy people who believed it would be used to bring down world governments so a one world government joined by the UN would take full charge. 

Usually when people deconvert, they are so fed up with religion, and God, they may even bounce to complete atheism. It makes sense. I went into agnosticism, but now think there is a God/Source but he's not as cruel, blood and sacrificing demanding as the fundamentalist/evangelical Christian god. I am still technically a Universalist that sees truth in other world religions such as Native American religions and the Sikhs. I still think hell is sociopathic and like the ultimate human revenge fantasy projected onto God. I still like many of Jesus's core teachings. A lot was add-ons by those desiring power.

More and more I believe the world religions are controlled by the top, no church is perfect not even my own.  I read some really weird stuff, always had that strange Aspie interest in religion and esotericism, maybe it's gotten me into trouble. I have been reading up on Gnosticism, archons and those who believe this world is a prison planet and those exposing the Saturn Cube cult.  I also have been reading books on Native American spirituality.

 Religiously I know I am an odd bird.  I am too autistic to do religion right. For most neurotypicals it is a social affair, to be with like-minded people and mold themselves into the group and find happiness in it. They do well in it. Some people have found a lot of purpose in the positive sides of religion. This applies to me in the UU.

For me the main objective was always to find out what was TRUE. At this point in the game, I think I have admitted my many limitations, and that certainty is impossible on such a complex planet and on a little piece of 2 trillion galaxies in the knowable universe. I can't go with a God that punishes people over not getting every little belief right on a check list. 

There's probably not many Unitarian Universalists wondering if Revelations 13 is coming true or if they will be joining the other dissenters in the camps. If there is another Unitarian Universalist who by some chance sees this and reads what I have to say and questions the Covid narrative too, come talk to me. Spiritually as a UU, I don't want the creeps invading the human genome and destroying my life, and as I wrote in my speech to my UU Natural Life vs Machine Life, I have kept my interest in the organic radical movement alive. 

There's times I even wondered if I would be forced out of my UU because of my different beliefs about Covid, I've shared them with a few, but so far so good. As people know the mainstream liberal world is not an easy one for us freethinkers. Some UUs were troublemakers in history who questioned the status quo so why not me? Servetus got burned at the stake. 

 It's hard watching people I care about line up for vaxxes I think will harm them. This was true of many friends in life. I am the minority by far in not joining them and an ultra minority that doesn't fit either side, and still wears KN95 masks around and complicated "real" science articles trying to make sense of this all.

I don't want to go on the metaverse.  I do believe they are enslaving us with technology. That said, I have no interest in returning to the fundamentalist/evangelical world. That world burnt me to a crisp. My husband got worried for a time, but I told him, that won't work either. There are times I regret my deconversion and have conflicting feelings about it. 

There's times I wonder what was wrong with me, I couldn't stay happy in one religion. I don't know if it is a personal failing or not. I've been a UU now for 19 years total as an adult, if you add my early years in it and the time since my return, but I've definitely have done my share of religious wondering.

I said to my husband, "Why am I such a commitmentphobe when it comes to religion? I am not when it comes to romantic relationships obviously!". There's times I envy the Christians I left behind not troubled by so many questions but that world became a cage to me. Fundamentalism was an abuse factory that pushed total authoritarianism. The guy on the Pair of Docks blog warned that after deconversion from a cult, there can be coping with regression and other issues even for years. 

 Sometimes discussing Covid stuff there's a lot of Christians around. Some told me they think I am still "saved" but immensely backslidden and confused and that's why I see through the Covid narrative. I won't get into all that but I know what's evil and what's not and have a conscience that cries out against all the insanity happening. I am happy for anyone of any beliefs who sees through the barrage of insanity, gaslighting, bullshit, and horrors the world has experienced over the last two years and what they seem to have planned for us all.

I suppose I am a full-fledged conspiracy theorist again, how can conspiring be a theory when they do so much of it? I know a lot of conspiracy stuff was propaganda and lies like Qanon, but some is true. We aren't told the truth in our news anymore. Some of us have to work with limited information. When they claim mass formation psychosis is a conspiracy, I feel like we are living in 1984 too.

Both left and right failed me. I hang in there with the UUs because  they believe in freedom of conscience. Everyone else wanted me to parrot their preachers and obey and sit in a pew and give up thinking and I left.  I won't do it for any neo-liberal people either on the other side of the aisle either.

I just wish the world wasn't such a crazy place. This was bad timing for the world to become apocalyptical.

Update: I left the UU in 2023. I am reading my Bible and praying again, and watching bible prophecy videos and other sermons. I have not found another church.