Monday, October 17, 2022

My Life of Sadness Among the "Juice Drinkers"


Today it doesn't take much to lose a friend, if you don't have all the "politically correct" opinions, they are ready to kick you to the curb. It's happened to me so often, I'm tired. I feel so REPRESSED around so many people. This doesn't apply to a few good friends including two local ones. One friend said to me, "You are around the wrong people". Life has always been hard for me socially, I am autistic and weird but it's harder in some places than others. Socially things are bad lately outside of a few friends.

I have these memories in my old small rural town of having some people to talk to, and while things weren't perfect, I felt like I could be "me" on certain stable basis. My anti-war friends knew I was into bible prophecy and attended conservative churches. They didn't hold it against me, after all we agreed on war and help for the poor. Conversation seemed different back then, like we used to sit at the coffee shop and talk to each other for hours, and it seemed natural.  You could disagree and have a debate, but back then it was fun. The future seemed to have hope to it. I had community both at the IFB church and the Antiwar group and co-op. 

We had libertarian friends and even a few socialists in the mix. There were times I did feel rejection or sad about autistic "social failures" but when I moved away I had two going away parties, one at my better IFB church and another one coupled with a second art show where I shared some food too, with my friends. The going away was with tears. One regret I will have for the rest of my life is leaving that place. We were able to do a couple visits later but money kept us away too for too long. It's weird to think about those times, because they are so unlike now. 

The other day, I said to my husband, it's not being "lonely", it's having lost too many people along the way. Which I know the older we get, the more people we lose, but for me it began young with the constant moving, the constant living far apart, moved away from friends, or people leaving me and others who died way too young. Add in the family stuff where I had to walk away. I liked some of the cousins, I was forced to move on from but they bought the family narrative. One reality for ACONs, is the loss, we are no longer abused, but the reality is, you have no family anymore. Some people get married like me or have their own family but that's a whole network we don't have. I never knew someone could become this isolated.

I wrote this on Twitter:

"It's not psychologically healthy to be around people you are scared of saying the wrong thing to. Life among the liberals and "educated class". I want to keep arts involvements like writing etc, but I need to protect myself more. They are closed doors that expect full conformity."

When I say closed doors, I find a lot of conversation and attempted connection in my present climate frustrating. They just don't open up. The wealthier with 6 figure jobs, my rural town was far more working class and poor, are far more formalized. Status and conformity seem to run the show. Are there a few nice ones? Sure. Many have reached out to me, and been kind, but no one sees me as "friend material", there is that chasm always there. I always feel like I am "too much for these people" and that everything I say is "too much" too. Normal discourse always seemed to be shut down with very 'safe topics". I trained myself to talk about art and gardening and not talk about problems and I always had an interest in other people but they would share little from their end. Some were such closed books it was shocking.  Like I had to train myself to hide my personality, and I don't mean the hard edges but all of it, even enthusiasm. It made the differences in my former life more glaring.

When I went no contact from my abusers, I stopped overt abuse in my life. Now I will tell people off if need be. I became more private, realizing problems were just used to harm me, but I can't fix this society stuff. I pick up on subtle stuff, that bothers me, like I was in my Aspie Zoom group and noticed the moderator kept changing the subject when I spoke and said, "Would anyone else like to speak?" I was trying to be careful to not talk too much especially given the isolation, but it was a weird response. I felt "rejected" which is sad to have happen in an Aspie group. But then I thought, well last week we got into a conversation about the "heartache" of Covid, and I said I felt like public health had failed. I didn't go on what some would call an "anti-vaxx" rant, I hold back all over the place now, but that can be enough nowadays to be rejected or punished socially.

It reminded me of that time with the friend who asked me "Are you a Qanon now?" That friendship obviously doesn't feel safe anymore to me. With the autistic group, I like the leader but they are one of those young people who is very politically correct, we have to list our pronouns at the start of the group. They are non-binary herself. There was always this pitfall of using the wrong language. How was I to know "non-verbal" for some autistics, has been switched to "non-speaking"? I lost track of some of the change. This other online Aspie activist who is vaxxed to the hilt, simply stopped speaking with me, when I shared some emotions about Covid, I didn't judge her, I stated everyone has to make their own medical choices, but again that's enough. You get cast off the island. It almost feels spiritual. She used to be a really nice person, but now just rants about all the people who break some political correctness rule. 

What if you are someone who has strong beliefs, you can't ignore? It's a scary thought to realize most people where I live, like acquaintances and such, if they read this blog they'd never talk to me again. It is good I kept my mouth shut about my internet moniker and blog with the majority of people. I know some of us make choices in life where there is a price. I made the choice to speak out against this evil, online. 

There's times I attempted connection only to be thwarted. This is where the sadness and pain of living in a body like this one really hits home. Then there's the feeling of never belonging or feeling accepted. I am around all these people where I just don't relate to their lives and Covid put so much distance between us. Yesterday I told my husband, "I feel like I've been put on permanent punishment, I'm grounded for life as these leaders have made Covid last forever". How do you think I feel watching these people live their lives, being in groups, going on trips, where none of this troubles them? They have lives, their life was not destroyed."

This is one reason I have been twisted in knots trying to figure out if the virus is "real" or the "bioweapon" I believe is real. More evidence seem to be for the latter as time went on. I noticed people who used to believe it was fake, realized something was making people sick, though there was debate on what it was. 

I also told him, "No one has insulted me yet, but some are wondering why I am acting this way, hiding out forever." It's pressure that's not easy.

But then on the other side, I've faced overt discrimination and just meanness, I've been told by a few, "You'll have to live in isolation forever because you won't get the shots" I said to one directly, "I don't want to die of blood clots or vasculitis". It's like they thought I hadn't been punished enough. Some others have accused me of being influenced by the far-right. The left has betrayed me so much and doesn't care about what has happened to the poor and working class. None of them represent me. 

 This was the very few I told my status too because honestly I got scared of too many knowing. It DOES mean something when you feel afraid of the people you are around, and I think ones should listen to their intuition. The one woman last year from my church who gave me flowers and got irate over my status, has seemingly disappeared, but she stopped talking to me for good. 

I had to be quiet so often and so much being so outnumbered in the land of the "zombies". It's taken a toll these last few years. I will never understand why they accepted a product that kills people including young people with myocarditis, or that they accepted the concept of a "forever pandemic". Then the weirdness about ignoring things made me wonder too, where they followed the orders of failed public health like puppets instead of using any critical thinking. I wrote in a journal the other day, "You don't have to try anymore." I'm tired. I've been ill and let's be honest, I'm not comfortable around anyone who supports what is happening. 

The loneliness, isolation and just the feeling of life being a cage has taken a massive toll on me. The worse of it? All these emotions except very few have been invalidated by those I am around. The few friends understand. Otherwise there was no one to talk to. I noticed many accepted the "new normal". --"I don't like to go out anyway", "I like things where I can get everything delivered." and then who said to me, "you can't keep living in fear". None related to my feelings of anger, after all their lives remained unaffected. They didn't understand my losses. It was like life with my mother, who never was afraid of anything. I noticed crazy stuff too like people claiming they had Covid, and then out socializing on Facebook within a few days. 

At this point, I'm probably going to step out of some activities and groups. I give up. I am invisible and invalidated. Their lives continued. They trust in the system and get Covid over and over. They see people, family and friends and go places. They feel like there is a future. I will never forgive those who did this to us, and the three years I had taken away. It is unforgiveable. They believe in those people I consider complete and utter evil.

 I am unhappy now. I never knew a person could end up this isolated. If I wasn't married and didn't have his love, I would have completely cracked up.  I feel like a coward when it comes to Covid. Sometimes I think "It's time to pull the plug, you need to return to life, because this isn't living and it's killing you." My health has dived bombed lately. Even my diabetes is out of control, and it's probably stress. Sugars in the 130s and today 143. I am so fatigued, just doing the day to day business of shower and wrapping and food is overwhelming and this has been hard on my husband.

Every lab is off the charts, I'm anemic, I'm full of calcium in urine and blood One or two doctors are still with it, my kidney doctor discovered very low blood pressure the other day, it was 100/68. Many foods have no taste to me though I know I am eating too many eggs because that's the only one that does. I weighed 516 last week. So at least no weight is being gained. Emotions do impact health. 

I do believe some shedding is affecting me, whether graphene or spike proteins. I felt far more ill and had Meniere's attacks every time I had to go grocery shopping. We go to the smallest most out of way grocery stores but this often means encountering 10-15 people. I noticed the patterns too often to ignore them. My Meniere's was stable the last 15 years, there were rare attacks, but the last year since they released the vaxxes, it's constant and now I am almost complete deaf and conversation is gone outside of the transcribe phone. There's no one to talk to about that either. 

One thing I have noticed is no emotions seem allowed anymore. That's one change us Covid questioners talk about a lot among ourselves. We feel like those who got the shots, CHANGED. They don't allow emotions. They show no anger, sadness or grief over Covid. Most look at me like I am crazy. I got SILENCE as the response more often than not. I started wearing a tight grin only talking about art projects and got more and more quiet. My God why bother anymore? 

With the changes in the vaxxed, sometimes I wonder if I had gone crazy, but others online would talk about it. It was shocking that Naomi Wolf described the same phenomenon. {I wanted to link the article but cannot, look up Naomi Wolf's substack, and her article titled, "Lipid Nanoparticles: Are They Subtly Changing Human Beings?

Are Essential Human Qualities Being Destroyed by PEG-Coated Industrial Fats?"


 She wrote this:

"I checked on what it felt like while walking on the city streets, and my impression was confirmed. There they were, the usual Manhattan throngs, surging along the sidewalks — but they were like pictures, like brightly dressed ghosts. The massive energy field —that sense of an island as a pulsing human generator, the electricity that had galvanized generations of newcomers to Manhattan — that was simply gone."


We went to another small town, north of ours, and it was busy that day, it made me feel uncomfortable. This was after the vaxxes were out rolling and most had signed up for them.  A crowd of people [mostly middle class and above tourists] walked by me, and I felt very weird. I remember going back to the car, crying and saying, "They feel like empties". Yeah I know many will think this is crazy and this was a sign of poor mental health but I meant what I said, and this never changed. It was shocking to me to see that Naomi Wolf described the same thing. The energy and the vibe of people feels off the few times I have been around them.


Many describe what she does here:

"Crowds themselves were altered. Young adults were limping, at scale. Men and women in their forties and fifties, who looked as if they had been recently healthy, were now moving like eighty year olds. People in vast numbers, of all ages, walked as if it was hurting them to move. Even teenagers and older children moved like zombies or robots — drifting, with seemingly no energy to spare. Smaller children did not squirm or race around. They sat vacantly on park benches or in restaurants. Or they drifted like little wraiths beside their parents, focussed on nothing.

What happened? What happened to humanity?

Many have described their loved ones being altered in some indefinable ways, after they have been injected with mRNA vaccinations.

People have spoken to me in distress about how they can’t seem to feel the physical presence of their loved ones, post-vaccination.

It looks like the same person, they say with grief, if a bit paler, a bit more fatigued and ethereal.

But it doesn’t feel like the same person."

This is how I have felt. The ill health in many seemed apparent. People seemed to have aged more. I noticed this too. I've talked about how I felt an aura of grey on them all. It's not just Christians either worried about what these shots have done to people, there's New Agers and others who said they felt changes to people. Some of the worse times was seeing friends, one friend was so different, I was in shock, and this is someone I've known more than 30 years. The spark was gone. They seemed muted. I've talked about some of these things in other articles.

Most returned to their lives and just take the constant bouts of Covid as "normal business" no matter if it causes long term side effects. With those other emotions, fear is gone. They seem muted to me. A few times at local woman's group on Zoom, I discussed some emotions about Covid. I faced a brick wall. Silence. It seems when I talk a lot lately, I get silence as a response. Realize I am not going to on what the other side sees as "antivaxx" rants, but MILD things. One example of what I may say is, "Aren't you tired of how long Covid has gone on?" Around here the rules are no one talks about anything.


There even seems to be a weird desensitization about death. It alarms me now that young people dying of strokes and heart attacks and no one cares. People talk about so and so having blood clots like it doesn't matter.  Nothing to see here as the room burns down. Oh, we are playing chicken with a nuclear power and no one gives a crap! That one really worries me. There's a deadness of emotion, I can barely bear. Someone on reddit, said, "It's all PTSD, you are judging wrong!". I said "I've been diagnosed with PTSD by three different therapists in my life, people with PTSD still have emotions, it's not all numbing out. If this was PTSD we would have people bursting out in tears or getting angry!" Instead, I see the endless blank faces that don't seem to care about anything anymore. 

People have accepted the unacceptable. Some may say, "Oh, you deserve the isolation the way you have judged the vaxxed!" I feel nothing but grief. Some of these people were seen as people I planned to be in community with for a very long time. I liked and cared about them. Many were kind to us. I miss the people they used to be before all this. How do you think my life has been having to hide my status, fearing repercussions. Intuition was screaming, be careful! I was banned from three parties because the unvaxxed were not welcomed. I didn't say a word, why paint a target on my back? At one group, they used to chastise the unvaxxed during meetings. Some called them wicked people or horrible Trumpsters. I didn't say anything either because I thought three people knowing my status was too many. Here's one thing too, people have disappeared from there, and it's like no one noticed. I think they are sick or got side effects.  Maybe some moved away. Maybe a silent one or two left for the same reasons I am about to.  There's been a complete silence about that too. 

It's time for me to go too, and it doesn't come without some pain. With my husband, I left it up to him what to do. He always accompanied me to my old conservative churches even if he never converted in. He's disappointed, he was happy there, and I delayed things this long because this was a church that had some interaction during our earlier years there and some happy times. Religion is very complicated for me now but we got into this discussion about churches. I said, the Christian conservative churches here were so awful, all were cults of personality for the pastors especially the last IFB. Maybe things would have gone differently otherwise. I told him while my first IFB was a bit too legalistic, the people there did seem to care and we had some good memories of that place too. 


I do find myself wondering about spiritual stuff here. I feel strange things, I can't voice, in some of their changes. One factor for me that screams in my soul, is WHY ARE THEY ACCEPTING SUCH EVIL? Little kids are dying, teens and young men have died of myocarditis, and no one cares. I noticed that on the Died Suddenly board, where nurses and others talked about the elderly who died or went into dementia right after the Kool-Aid and others who talked about multiple kids in the hospital for severe heart problems that have never been seen here. I can't be with people who accept or condone evil. There's a point where ignorance ends and a person is willfully ignoring what is happening. 


I do wonder about things I learned as a Christian about end times delusions, and other spiritual holds on minds. In other spiritual communities, they have talked about the loss of souls like with Rudolf Steiner. They also see bad spiritual stuff with the vaxxes as well.  One verse I remember from my Christian fundamentalist days is Revelation 17:13. I'm kind of weirded out when people seem to have shut off all independent thinking. Why are there so few independent thinkers immediately around me?

There's no questioning the narrative or even discussion of "What's happened to us". I brought up to an autistic group once, and I very rarely talk to them about Covid, dealing with other topics, that Covid becoming endemic is really bad for me due to my lung disorders. They were all liberal true believers there too, one told me, I'm on my fifth booster and that his sister works for some Big Pharm company. One guy gave me the place knowing I have severe medical issues. I find myself backtracking, having to make sure all over, "I don't say too much". God help me if I had told them I hated the clot shots.

It means something when you feel "afraid" of the people you are around. I guess it would have been the same for a Chinese person who saw through the evil of "struggle sessions" during the time of Mao, or a thinking German as everyone around him heiled Hitler. I've opened up a little on my Twitter account, funny how I can talk to strangers more than in real life.  It means something when you can't be yourself and you are silenced, shamed, invalidated and more. You are around the wrong people. I don't know if I can find any right people around here, outside of the few friends. There's a time to cut one's losses and walk away. 

It has reminded me of my life with my family before no contact. The life I was feeling hope in and trying to find after my no contact with the last relatives, has fallen off the tracks. I can't be around people who just repress me, and who want to silence me and who condone what is happening. I cannot accept it, whatever that means. I have to survive in this world so confronting people will not work, I know nothing I say will change things but taking care of myself means being around people that don't make me frightened or alarmed or who move against my core values. My family always hated me for being a truth-teller, and well with this, someone has to tell the truth. Evil is happening and it should not be condoned. 


24 comments:

  1. I have noticed people aging, which has shocked me, and their physical health being worse since the vax ; But I admit I have not noticed personality changes in some of the people I am close to who are vaxed. But my brother has repented of taking the vax so maybe that helps him. Maybe I'm just not spiritual enough to see it, I admit that is possible.
    I think that is terrible you were not invited to parties because of being unvaxxed. It is such bullshit. I don't really blame you for not wanting to be around people who are supporting this evil. But we cannot always avoid this. But if you can, do. I don't know if I believe in forgiving unrepentant people. I'm not sure I believe it is good or true.
    We are a lot alike in that we both really love truth to the point of giving things up for it. It's tough being that way.
    But you do have your husband and that is huge.
    Maybe when you close the door on the UU another door will open. I hope so.
    Be well - Sue

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    1. Hi Sue, thanks for telling me you have seen the physical problems and aging, that helps me feel less alone. Hope that helps your brother and glad he sees through this. There's a few who have woken up. I'll hope he got saline on the first run or something.
      I wasn't planning to go to the parties and kept my mouth shut but it made me feel really really weird. I'm not sure if they are still doing that. I hope not. Yeah I can't be around the people who support all this, always afraid of slipping up and saying the wrong thing. I kept things "light" and "superficial" but that got too painful, always afraid of having something ooze out of me. I did think why am I doing this? I also knew in person I was going to have a very terrible time because one on one was hard enough.

      I don't believe in forgiving unrepentant, too many abuse victims being hammer with that one while most abusive get enabled. I don't plan to confront anyone, will be peaceful. It will be simple enough to say I am taking a break for health reasons which has truth to it too. Also being the kid locked in every recess got old, you know me and my bad lungs being "grounded". I have had other spiritual things changing and politics so things complicated now but going to take things slow. I am very grateful for my husband and the few friends, will try to focus on positive parts of life I can. I can't change any of this so many closing the door will help me self-protection wise, because I can't keep going on this way. I agree about us both loving truth to the point of giving things up for it, you are right it's not easy being that way. I hope other doors will open too. Thanks so much Sue, I hope you and yours stay safe during these times and have life go well too.

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  2. I don't think my brother got saline , because the reason he turned on the vax is that he got a sudden large amount of cysts all over his body after the vax and he connected it to the vax. I think he even said he was told it was from the vax . He had to have some surgically removed. So that pissed him off.
    Sue

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    1. Yeah sadly sounds like he got the "real thing", it definitely would be a wake up call. Glad he didn't choose the road of denial like so many and won't get more! I would be pissed too.

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  3. Sounds like you have lost a lot of ppl in your life. More than anyone else I've come across. Maybe the problem isn't other ppl. Have you considered that? All we have are your accounts to go by. I am interested in what the other ppl that have decided to cut you off have to say. It can't be everyone else, all the time. You realize that, yes?

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    1. Death took many of them. I'm older it's what happens when you get old.

      Some I lost from moving away but kept contact for 10-15 years then they died.

      When you are lower in income you cannot afford travel to keep friendships together as much.

      3-4 friends from here moved away, I have Facebook contact with them.

      I was moved way too much as a child and had to move too much as an adult.

      I often befriended older people [it's something that happens with autism] do the math. So people who were middle aged to elderly in the 2000s are no longer here. I'm older now.

      My Aspie group from 1990s, is all still alive and I am in contact with them with weekly contact.

      I have childhood friends, elementary friends--Catholic school, highschool classmates/church friends on Facebook. Moved on from a few religious friends since I left fundamentalism peacefully. [no fight]


      All ACONs who go no contact especially when one has to go NC from an entire family, lose a whole slew of people. Some lost relationships are with neutral folks even for the sake of safety and privacy and can often include family friends. Distance/no money to travel destroyed some of those relationships.

      One woman cut me off for one line of bad advice, in an email after years and years of discussion and trying to help. It doesn't take much.

      One friend, the "project" friend I cut off.

      I cut off the college friends, I made the decision and wrote blog articles. Sometimes you change.

      I cut off the cat fish, and the false deliverance minister.

      Autism affects relationships.
      Severe disabilities affect them. Most people want people who are active and can "do stuff" with them. I don't begrudge this, it is reality. I can walk to do somethings but get tired. I have been disabled many years.
      Deafness affects relationships. People feel unheard and hurt when you can't hear them even if you are trying your best to communicate. I have had problems with conversations for upwards of 20 years. My hearing loss started in my 20s.

      When you move a lot relationships are affected. Every community I have found myself in has broken up from outside circumstances, people moving away, old small rural town having severe economic problems.

      I still have Facebook friends from my old art and music co-op but I haven't been able to see any in person since 2011. Many have died or moved on or gotten older. We lost a friend from there this year even.

      I had friends from a peer group locally here. Many moved away or got new jobs. Some facebook connections there but the folks are long gone. The Project friend was from this group.

      I felt close to some groups here, but Covid ruined what was to be. These were people I was around a LOT. Some I still email.

      I know you want to put me down if this is who I think it is, who was on the attack from the start, but I figured I'll answer honestly why not? Internet trolls are a dime a dozen.
      continuing...

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    2. Some say the independent thinkers of society don't always get a lot of friends. I think that was one of my problems. I had interests beyond just watching the latest soap opera or comparing colors of table cloths.

      Add in autism. We are too pendantic. We can offend just by existing. I would mask to try and put people at ease all the time.

      I guess your theory is that I am mean and that's why everyone left. You have the attitude if you are the person I think you are that fat people deserve to suffer just for being fat. I don't think you are a very nice person if you are that person I was doing battle with yesterday, but one thing I have noticed is many Cluster Bs can be very popular. My mother always had lots of friends even as she made fun of them after they went home or dumped them when they had health problems.
      Maybe this applies to you. My narc mother always crowed about her popularity. It's an odd thing narcs have in common. It's like high school never ended. I'm sure you are very proud of your popularity with your nervous friends making sure to never displease you before you stab them in the back.

      I think someone who has to spend time putting down fat people isn't as happy as they claim to be. You seem to be a very pissed off person who is unloading your garbage on to fat people. Hours and hours spent jumping on the fat people hate bandwagon. But hey right now it's socially accepted bigotry, I guess you're common for that, maybe your thin body is all you really got going for you since you hate your job so much.

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    3. Now add the Covid BS....polarization, extreme politics, people openly discriminating against the unvaxxed. I think of leaving the vaxxed because I cannot stand what they support but have not. I am the type to give chances and hope people wake up. Oh one thing makes me sick about people like you, who accept and embrace all this Covid stuff, and don't even see the evil of what has happened and what has been done to break up the social fabric and society. Of course someone who hates fat people isn't going to have empathy for the disabled or immunocompromised who wonder if their social lives and community lives are ruined for good....

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  4. I cannot even describe the emotions I have as loved friends and others keep getting boosters of that poison and being afraid of what will happen to them. I don't fight people about it. I said my piece to who I could...and a certain point you can't antagonize people.

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    1. Lilac
      I wish you hadn’t gone deaf because I would love to share with you a song written by Danny Elfman called “Native Intelligence” which perfectly captures my feelings about people taking booster after booster, never mind taking any mRNA shots to begin with. He wrote it in 2020 while he was frustrated about being stuck at home during the pandemic and his Coachella show getting cancelled and everything. He said he was surprised and scared at how much venom came out of him when he wrote these songs. Mind you this was written back when only conspiracy theorists were scared of the mRNA vaccines getting prematurely approved and forced on everyone. Even if he wasn’t woke about that I believe he still felt what was going on on a subconscious level.

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    2. I hope he refused to take the vaxx, did he. I did see lyrics of Native Intelligence, need to find a video with lyrics, to watch, I will do so. I can hear some music, and plan to go watch some of his stuff. Hey all this crap being done to us deserves all the venom. I was scared of mRNA being forced, still am, always wonder if I will have to go run to the woods which is scary for someone in my shape.

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  5. Found you on twitter today. It's encouraging to hear people speaking the truth. Thank you!

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  6. Hi Peeps,
    I'm so bummed! I was just finishing a super long comment and I moved a bit and it got bumped off! That use to happen, but sometimes it would reappear. No such luck today! Will try and redo sometime (hate those, never the same) but at least wanted to say hello. My comment was about innocent organic conversations with others taking a nose dive into insults and derision. In this case it was a fellow "foreigner" who lives in a tent. Was not expecting such judgement from him! His "high horse," is in fact a ten speed. He was completely wrong about me, being Qanon, don't know what it is, must be getting my news off facebook and instagram, never been on either, and that my info about a person from pfizer testifying that the vaccines had never been tested for whether they sterilized or stopped the spread was obviousely "fake news". He also schooled me that all the people coming over the border in droves was a good thing, because the world population is declining at an alarming rate!
    I dusted myself off from the dirty borrage of comments he spewed in my direction, and informed him I get my news straight from the source. In this case it was testimony in the European Parliament, and the woman was in fact from Pfizer's board, and sent there in the CEO Albert Bourla's place. I looked it up, and also on that panel was the newly elected President of France, i pointed her out as being a real person too, and began to explain, to which he responded, "Yes, know who she is."
    I went into this here because of that very rude comment above, and remarked how a person could draw such "theory" after ALL you said!
    Some people are just hopeless, hapless assholes, unaware of their personal need to have a roll of toilet paper within their reach at all times!
    The first version of this was more tactful and nuanced. Hope your doing okay Peeps. I've had ringing in my ears for about 7 weeks now. It's either post covid crap, or I suspect dehydration. Every day I get the pitcher of water out, don't always drink as much as I should.
    Chelle

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    1. Hi Chelle,

      I missed answering this by accident. Probably approved it and then planned to come back. What happens when long comments go down, some blogs I will copy and paste them since that has happened to me. The guy on the bike sounds like someone who has let short hand words like Qanon define his reality. They think inside the box, everyone who questions Covid policy is a bad Qanon, etc, who is extreme right wing, supposedly.
      That's weird he thought the world population was declining too. Are you talking about the lady who warned about the vaxxes at the European Parliament? Funny how we got those people and everyone ignored them. I can't make sense of all the deaths being known about now, and people just don't care. I do think most are skipping the boosters, I hope I'm right about that.
      I stopped arguing with them, it's pretty hopeless. It's scary how much I just have to bite my tongue. I am pretty isolated recently and avoid the topic now when I see most people. Hope the ear ringing can go away, I wonder if that comes from Covid too, since the shots do it, [know your source was Covid not shots--spike proteins, graphene] As you know my ears have gone nuts, someone even said to me you think the 5g is affecting them. I don't know. Some supplements took the edge off but they are ringing now. I can see why you were annoyed and upset I didn't respond to this comment, so sorry about that. I didn't want to tell you how to feel about it either.

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  7. Thanks for the acknowlegement here Peeps, I appreciate it. My feelings won't change on the matter though, as far as the future goes, so don't know what to do about that.
    I was listening to Heather on the Darkhorse podcast the other day remarking on a recent trip she had taken to Portland (from where they recently moved) and about a wonderful woman she met there, and their comparing of notes about about friendships, family and other relationships lost over Covid. The woman remarked that some fiendships she didn't feel she wanted back, because she felt she could never trust them again. This is the title of this particular viniette of Darkhorse. What the woman meant was, that she had done her best to lay out her case and all the info she knew about, to get them to see the light regarding the dangers of the vax to their children, and that they went ahead and did it anyway. She says it is unforgivable in her opinion, and that she could never trust them after that.
    While you were excluded because of your vax status, Heather was invited by "so called friends" to come into town for dinner at a restaurant they were all getting together at. This is when the mandates were in place, and they knew fully well she and her husband were not vaxxed and would not be allowed in. The old "come on in, the water is fine..." People have acted deplorably over this.
    She also said she was examining to herself, what was the difference between her certainty regarding her idea of the vaxxes being unsafe and a bad idea, as to the person of the opposite opinion so sure of where they stood on the issue. She realized that they had always held that view from the very beginning and never changed, despite new info coming out and evolving. It was always "safe and effective" and would be for evermore, despite evidence to the contrary.
    She and her husband on the other hand, as scientists (Evolutionary Biologists) thought they would be getting the "vaccines," and only wanted to look at the data. Then, as they saw what many of us did, they decided against it.
    Chelle

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    1. Hi Chelle, I've heard of Darkhorse before too, glad someone was talking about this issue, it's a hard one to deal with. Yeah the powers that be sure succeeded in driving many a wedge in a lot of relationships. I know what that woman means about not trusting people. Remember a lot of the unvaxxed, had to be quiet too and careful about who they told. When I knew people having parties they disinvited the unvaxxed from, I didn't say anything. It can harm a friendship when you truly and sincerely try to warn a friend, I've been in that position, with some online friends, I kept the friendship but just ignore that subject. I am going through something now where a friend got very sick from the vaxx, she started having falls from it, ended up in ER, and was never the same. She started being unable to write me and wrote me a last email that said, "I can't type" where she was trying to communicate and couldn't, and she had kidney failure too. This kind of thing can mess with a person, because you ask did I try hard enough to warn. Another friend got afib and stopped with #2, but I questioned how that friend views me because I tried to warn him though it was early and I only knew so much, but that can make you wonder why didn't my friend listen to me, and don't they respect me? I let it go figuring everyone's medical decisions are their own, but it was painful. With kids, that's even harder because if you believe like I do, those kids are going to have their lives ruined and in danger and you have thoughts about child abuse and thinking "how can I save those kids?" So much stress. I hate these people for what they have done to our society and more with this evil pandemic and fake "remedies". I think those friends inviting that lady to the restaurant knowing they can't get in are frenemies. continuing...

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    2. I did plan you know to file against any place discriminating against me, but fortunately live in a county where none of that was forced on me though I worry about some new politicians coming in. I have noticed none of them are budging from the safe and effective, even the kids now all getting severe flus, RSV and more isn't waking them up and that's really scary. I have grown impatient for people to wake up and now I think they never will. They will normalize people dropping dead at younger ages, and life spans will shrink to nothing and people will forget the days when most 20-40s were hale and hearty and not keeling over and when most people were fertile. I feel uneasy around all these hugely vaxxed groups where I am the only one, who hasn't joined the herd. I thought one day this would be over but somethings I think I am wasting my time and never will belong and will be pushed out one day for not joining the transhumanist party.

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  8. See "Pfizer did not know whether covid vaccine stopped transmission before the rollout, youtube".

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    1. Yeah I saw that. Talk about useless right there? And the sheep just all rolled over and didn't care. They admitted it right at the European Parliament and people keep lining up even though it does not work for what they said it would work for.

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  9. See "Dr John Campbell, youtube," for same, well-preserved and in-depth videos on these inquiries taking place from October 10th, 2022 to present.

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    1. Thanks I will check those out. I think I saw some of his stuff around a year ago. he was warning against the vaxx.

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  10. Lilac
    Ok how do you handle Zoom calls?! I tried one once for a class assignment last quarter and I didn’t like it at all... I felt very uncomfortable, I don’t even know why... I had a meeting at school where one of the counselors was on Zoom and I had to ask her to log out of Zoom and talk on the telephone instead.
    Also I would cut back on the eggs if I were you. I’m assuming they’re not from factory-farmed hens so they’re healthy, but still if that theory is correct then your body converts cholesterol, even the good healthy non-oxidized kind, into 27-hydroxycholesterol which as I said mimics estrogen and is linked to breast cancer and obesity. In fact you might want to try eating oyster mushrooms or drinking puerh tea to reduce cholesterol - those are natural sources of statins - but you should take COQ-10 if you do as it interferes with the same synthesis pathway. Also eating fiber at the same time reduces cholesterol absorption. I think I should do it myself to see if it shrinks my boobs - I eat way too much ice cream.

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  11. I go off camera a lot. I hate being on the camera too long. The UU church fussed about people off camera, but I just felt looked at too long if that makes sense. I hope the eggs aren't being converted, wonder why I crave them, they have me on a Statin sometimes question being on it, but triglycerides skyrocket when I go off it. Oddly I could not eat eggs for 15 years, had some problems with them and was able to reintroduce them. Eggs sometimes feel like the only food that puts nutrition in my body. I avoid cholesterol in other places, eat butter very rarely and stick mostly to olive oil. Oyster mushrooms would be tasty. Agree about fiber. I can't eat ice cream and red meat so hope that makes cholesterol from eggs not as bad. I go to Aspie groups on Zoom but most of us stay off camera, sometimes we even type in instead of talking depends on what mood I am in. I read what people say which ironically makes Zoom easier, with captioning than in real life. My auditory processing is slow, so phone never worked well. There's one person I know who always calls, and its harder to process things waiting for phone captioning, and then trying to have a conversation, it puts me at a detriment. I did lose connection to the UU church depending on Zoom to go fearful of germs and shedding [they are extreme pro-vaxxers and STILL getting the crap at least in several cases I know] Not seeing people in person isn't the same. I know too many who got sick especially from the newly vaxxed. Also you know the spiritual and other effects I've talked about that make me uncomfortable in person. My life did become too screen based, and not sure how to fix that, I like a lot of online hobbies. Oh I do a writer's group on Zoom but husband has to work anyway during time they meet. With 500lb body some new people don't know what I really look like, maybe I think that spared me some BS too.

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