Sunday, October 11, 2015

"You're Crazy!" When the Scapegoat is Labeled Insane

This happened to me. 

To understand this article in context make sure you read: Aunt Confused.

One insidious way a scapegoat is destroyed by a narcissist is their mental health is maligned. This will be another heavy post as this is something I am pondering lately. Many of these soul murderers will actually do things meant to drive someone to insanity and then they can play "rescuer" swoop in or use someone's break down or mental health problems to feed. They want you weakened and want you under their control. When someone is seen as "crazy", the rest of the world automatically devalues you. The entire family will then reject the scapegoat and take nothing they say seriously. You are the "crazy" and "bad" one. You are "insane." 

Many scapegoats have gone through this, where one very horrible thing our abusers do, is tell people we are crazy so they do not believe us or disregard what we have to say about the abuse we are going through. There are many scapegoats and abused people who end up in the mental hospital. Some get ill from the abuse and are driven to severe mental health problems and suicide via the attempted soul murder done to them.  While others are maligned and are deemed "mentally ill" by sociopaths and narcissistic abusers who want to destroy their reputations, fire-bomb their lives and even send them into involuntary commitment situations.

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 In the past, when someone could end up in the mental hospital for years, put away Frances Farmer style, this would destroy an entire life. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest Nightmares out of the pits of hell would break bodies, souls and minds. Don't think for a minute that the instigators of Satan's destruction didn't have people handed over to memory destroyers via shock treatments or being drugged into oblivion. The psychological world has helped many via counseling and even medication for chemical brain problems but there is a lot not to be trusted either. There are some great evils that have been instigated via the psychological world.

Keep in mind, even what happened to the Kennedy's daughter--Rosemary, the one who got a lobotomy and literally had her mind, body and brain destroyed by her wicked parents. When I read this story about Rosemary in People magazine, I burst out in tears. I was horrified. Those who have powerful and connected narcissistic parents are that much more in danger because those parents have the connections to doctors, judges, and lawyers that can readily ruin and destroy a life. Some are part of "good ole boy" networks, and corruption as well. Many of the sociopathic elite "successful" often have a scapegoat or "sacrifice" in the mix. Reading this article about Rosemary's mother hounding her about her weight even after having her brain cut up via doctors at her parent's orders, screams narcissists!

Rosemary, definitely showed signs of cognitive problems which left her more as prey to the narcissists. Even with my Aunt Scapegoat, her learning disabilities and deficients left her as more vulnerable prey to a narcissist family. I had a high enough IQ to take refuge in books and go "inward" and "fight back".  She did not. There definitely was the fat hatred and abuse too in Rosemary's case. There was whole taint of "You'll make the whole family look bad!" when it came to Rosemary's weight. Everyone knows the story of how both Kennedy parents were concerned that she was getting boyfriends, too and one thinks there too, they feared a scandal and wanted to "protect" their "good name".

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This is Narcissism 101 garbage, when one considers an evil woman that would complain about the weight of her ruined shell of a daughter who can no longer walk and talk because of a lobotomy. Those cold dead eyes in the picture above sums everything up. This is nausea inducing. That is a narcissist and a sociopath rolled up into one. What a vile family. They give her a lobotomy to "control her" and the mother doesn't even visit her for 20 years.

"She and husband Joseph Kennedy were so obsessed with daughter Rosemary's weight they told her boarding schools she was 'getting too fat'
  • Rosemary would apologize in letters home about the pounds she'd gained 
  • She underwent a lobotomy in 1941 when she was 23 years old and was left unable to speak or walk properly after the botched procedure
  • Her mom was known to call the Catholic institution for the disabled where Rosemary lived as an adult to ask about her daughter's weight 
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The article goes on to explain Rosemary's reaction to seeing her mother. It makes sense. After all something inside her had to know what they had done to her, and what she had lost.

"At the sight of her mother, Rosemary, who was being escorted by two nuns, broke into a sprint and lunged at the elderly woman, beating her chest and screaming at her."

Rosemary is one of the most extreme examples but there are other ACONs even nowadays who have been involuntarily committed via their narcissistic parents. Scapegoated Daughter is one of them. 
I have read stories on message boards of narcissistic parents trying to claim their adult children's guardianship even upon entry into the hospital for  non-mental conditions like ulcerative colitis or other disorders. When someone has guardianship over you, this means they control all finances and medical and other decisions. They control where you live and your day to day life. In most states, it takes a court proceeding for someone to claim guardianship over another.

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ACONs need to protect themselves. I have protection where my husband would be making the decisions if I was incapacitated but those ACONs who are single and even people in my boat need to make medical power of attorney papers. Make sure you will never end up in the clutches of your narcissistic family should something God forbid happen to your spouse. It can be tough for a scapegoat to find someone they can trust, and this can feel like too great a burden for friends, but we must do what we can to protect ourselves. You do not want the sociopaths sharing your DNA or supposedly sharing it, being the ones who decide to pull the plug or allowing emergency surgery or not.

I highly suspect my mother got guardianship over my Aunt Scapegoat. She let it slip that she was responsible for all her financial decisions. They didn't realize being disabled like I am, I know the ins and outs of Advanced Directives and other matters. I knew these things from a friend who had to claim medical power of attorney over a mother with severe dementia. Those who direct someone's money usually have named someone as incompetent and unable to handle their own affairs.

My golden child sister tried to deny it, and the jig was up.  I also realized my mother played the Aunt Scapegoat is "crazy" game. Today I don't know what to believe and question much of what I was told. There were too many discrepancies. I was told Aunt Scapegoat was mentally ill enough to be hoarding and that she was hoarding her own waste even, but then I came to this, "How on earth was someone that mentally ill able to drive herself to dialysis 12 miles each way, three times a week". Aunt Denial told me she did drugs and stole from them. But how much is truth or lies? Would someone storing their own poop in a bag  and pee in a jars all over their trailer, be responsible enough to keep track of their dialysis days? I don't think so.  It made no sense. Things didn't add up, and as I thought things out, I knew I was being lied to. Where the stories about hoarding and the rest, what she used to get her guardianship? I don't know but I do know I don't trust any of them.

My mother has played the "You're Crazy" game on me and she has labeled me mentally ill to the rest of the family to the point, they have devalued anything I had to say for years. Being an Aspie this was easier for her to do. While my Aspergers went undiagnosed and unnamed, she used aspects of it to label me insane. She did to me what was done to my aunt, just in a different way. I had the IQ to fight back, and realize something was wrong. Sometimes I am in horror, that if I had believed them on what they had to say about me, that I would have become an utterly destroyed person like my Aunt Scapegoat. She told my father I was "crazy" and every other relative.

Some memories have come back to me and things I haven't thought about in years. One of those things was how they tried to drive me crazy with all the gas lighting and tried to push me into severe mental illness and threatened me with commitment. One thing I had going for me, is I got good grades and I was very quiet in school, and today I believe if those two things were not true, both parents could have railroaded me into the institution of their choice.  I would have been destroyed and quite easily too. Perhaps fear of what I would say about them and their abuse, kept them from dragging me to the nearest psych ward, but one aspect of my abuse was being threatened with commitment. These threats peaked as I entered my early teens.

In 1982-83, my father had my Aunt Confused committed once and it could have been twice. He did an involuntary commitment on her. He made a big to do of getting her put in the psych ward and she was there far longer then today's 72 hour watches. He spoke to her with disdain, yelled at her, and told her to shut up. There were whispers of court, paperwork and "getting her help". From my angle, she did abuse pills, and was "hyper" and seemed to be afraid a lot, talking about the mafia coming after her. Since my father's family was from New Jersey, maybe the mafia talk wasn't a delusion. She still seemed afraid to the day I went no contact with her. She was relieved when I went no contact with her to be honest. She always took my phone calls with severe hesitation. She saw me as a "trouble-maker" and "rebel" who was upsetting the apple cart far too much. I hadn't seen her or my father's side of the family since 1997 but she was still in continuous contact with my mother.

I got the message loud and clear she lived with this fear of being "put away" all her life. Even last year, when I still talked to her, it seemed her adult son seemed to have a heavy decision making whether she could go on a trip or not and even over her bank account. I asked her, if her son had guardianship over her and she would not respond but something funny seemed to be going on. I lived too far away so didn't pursue the matter with her. Realizing there are two relatives with some kind of guardianship funny business going on definitely forms a pattern.

In the 80s, she seemed to keep to herself in her trailer, eating hamburgers and reading tabloids so whatever else she was up to along with the drugs, I may have not been privy to. Even though she was supposedly "insane", they dropped me and my brother off all the time to visit with her.

Like Aunt Scapegoat, Aunt Confused was trashed to me night and day. "She is crazy!". They would scream at me that I was just like her every time they got mad at me and tell me they were going to do the papers on me to commit me.  They were going to put me in the same hospital and see if I liked it. "They'll put you in the rubber room with your aunt!" They especially focused on me "turning out like her" and "You two are just alike!" Part of me today thinks I could have been better off if the doctors weren't on my parents side automatically but obviously I was scared to death. My mother would sneer, "We can put you away!" One time I went with my father to visit my Aunt Confused in the big stone walled psych ward and hospital in our town, she came down in a bathrobe to the meeting area but didn't have much to say. She was just quiet. She was cowed. She did not fight my father and did everything he said, and the same applied later with her own grown son.

Around that time I was 13, and 14 years old, and the constant litany of comparisons with my aunt never let up, "You are crazy like Aunt Confused!""You are going to turn out like her.". "We will put you away in the same place and you can join her!"  This was daily not just once in a while at that time. There were times I was scared I was going to go mad, and they helped push this along. This degree of emotional abuse on a young teen was beyond the pale. They would gaslight me. I became petrified of losing my mind as they told me over and over I was crazy and mentally ill and there was no hope for me and my future. I was a young Aspie and told my problems of unpopularity were all my fault. I "kept my nose in books" way too much too. The me of today wonders if they were trying to drive me to total insanity so they could "put me" away. If I had been born 20-30 years earlier, they definitely would have succeeded.

 My reading choices of the time, reflect some of what I was undergoing.  "Will There Ever Be a Morning?" was one favorite book of mine when Frances Farmer gets put into the psych ward by her controlling mother. I read "I never Promised You a Rose Garden" petrified that I would go mad like the girl in the book but remembering thinking at the time, "But you are not having hallucinations like she is."  At time, I wanted to know if I really was crazy like they said I was. 

My untreated PTSD already was giving me problems I did not understand. Back then I didn't know what PTSD or C-PTSD even was, I would learn at the age of 18 buying a book on panic disorders, OCD and anxiety problems, but at that point I did not know. I was scared because I was having feelings of depersonalization.  Depersonalization can come with anxiety disorders. I still remember the first time that happened and being scared to death that I was cracking up, but kept my mouth shut knowing the monsters around me would use it for my destruction.

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One time it happened to me while sitting at the bathroom at the age of 10, the feeling of unrealness and not being me. I would stay lucid and not miss time or anything like that so no one else would know what was happening to me,  even if the feeling came over me in a crowded classroom but it scared me for years. I didn't know what was happening to me. I fortunately escaped having or the effects of personality disorders or Dissociative Identity Disorder [DID], but my anxiety problems brought me trouble at a very early age. Why wouldn't I be troubled being so severely emotionally abused and where I could be hit out of the blue at a seconds notice?

As a young adult, I struggled with anxiety and panic disorder and was diagnosed with PTSD by multiple therapists. My work life was severely affected by panic attacks and anxiety. I would hide it but it took a strong physical toll. There was a lot of time crying in bathrooms and getting myself "together" so no one would know how much I was suffering. Many female Aspies suffer from anxiety and other related problems.  I was someone who needed solace, comfort and loving support and did not get it. What is great about the last couple years is I actually have had some recovery from my anxiety disorders. As I have written before going no contact cut it down almost immediately by 80%. My last actual panic attack--I can still feel anxiety with COPD breathing problems--was two and half years ago. What else happened that long ago? I went no contact.

There was such sheer hatred shown for anyone with mental health problems. Of course if they hated me that much why not just hand me over to be a ward of the state? No they enjoyed the game and the torture. Mentally ill people were just weak to them. No one got any mercy.

Often gaslighting will take the form for scapegoats in telling a scapegoat they are crazy and denying reality to their face. Some ACONs may even feel like reality itself will crack as the lying never lets up and they are told that what they saw, heard and felt was not real.  I was told over and over that what I saw and heard was not real and I was wrong about everything. I have realized my sociopathic mother is doing it now, in her birthday cards, trying to claim she is innocent as the driven snow.  She has gotten the other stupid people around her to believe, that I am the problem and that my emotions and "rejection" of her has arisen out of a vacuum and that my "mental illness" is the reason why I have gone no contact. It pisses me off, to see her write that garbage, "You choose to believe things about me that are not true."  She told my brother, "I don't know what she is so mad about". Everything is about rewriting reality. Learning about gaslighting is definitely a door that opens up wide for a ACON and exposes the evil. Today I see through her garbage but I remember the years and years of being taught to question my own mind, emotions and thoughts. ACONs have to train themselves to listen to their own mind and emotions.

Lately I have contemplated the affect of having my emotions and personhood denied for my whole life. I am facing a big struggle lately that has to do with a lifelong effect of this. I am so upset facing it and how I was so destroyed in the eyes of others. The emotions are almost indescribable. Unlike some ACONs who struggle with an identity, I have one, but it feels like I live in a world that seeks to obliterate it and me. I have faced facts I was a severely physically disabled woman who got not an ounce of sympathy or empathy by a bunch of creeps, and also I was a thoughtful artistic Aspie, who was around a bunch of Neanderthals, no that is too insulting to Neanderthals.

I believe some of the narcissists succeed in destroying people's minds because they teach them to doubt their own reality. I held on to my own reality with a hard grip as they tried to take it away from me. There was once a therapist said something strange to me, she told me, "You have a core of steel". I don't think she meant that I was hard or cold. She meant that inside I had developed a fortress. I remember developing this fortress at a very young age and this may astound some of you but I remember being only ten years old and thinking, "I will not let them in my mind, and they cannot have it." Sometimes I think Aspergers protected me from cracking up, Aspies live in their mind. I turned inward to survive. Some therapists actually would tell me the fortress was a problem. One yelled at me, "You have built up this wall, and no one can get over it!" I said, "The wall is there for a reason." This wall saved me even when I faced some severe spiritual abuse. When I get brave enough I may write about this sometime and how disabled people get abused in the Christian world just for being disabled, without naming names. In the fortress, I was saying, "You know she's full of crap", don't you?" 

I joked once to a friend that the Stasi, could put me under the light bulb, and smack me around and I would not break. This may be the reason I got hired to work with teen sociopaths, rapists and drug dealers. They knew I would not break and yes I had co-workers who did. If two narcissists who told me none of my feelings were valid for years and years and that I was wrong about everything who called me crazy almost every waking day of my childhood life, couldn't do it, how could they? My own body has done such bad things to me even torture would be a run of the mill occurrence. Emotional torture was a given. My panic attacks were relegated to times of relative safety, after the fact.

One time I went to my mother when I was fifteen, and was depressed. I told her I was so depressed I felt like dying. I didn't have any suicide plans or anything like that but was crying and despondent. I was an unpopular teenager with no friends and feelings of understandable depression. She told me, "If you want to go commit suicide, go ahead and do it then!" What kind of mother is that? And how many of these types drive their more vulnerable children to suicide? Other ACONs have attested to the same messages given their teenage angst or depression. I walked away and kept my mouth shut. No feelings were to be shared among those who had none. ACONs basically have no family, we live with these people who hate us, and have no interest in really knowing us.

The abuse where they told me I was "crazy" really got bad during my teenage years. I know they turned other people against me from family friends to extended relatives, sometimes even expressing false concern when they were busy wearing a mask. This never let up. I know these messages continued behind the scenes even during my years as an art teacher and residential counselor and then later when I lived in my last rural town. I went to enough therapists to learn what my actual state of mental health was, so I could get the professional opinion about it all.  This helped rescue me. Whatever mental illness I had was the result of severe emotional and other abuse at the hands of the sociopaths. Aspergers is a neurological condition not a mental illness. It was always funny how my mother when angry would tell me to go see a counselor when she obviously has never darkened the doorstep of a counselor's office.

Malignant narcissists and sociopaths are dangerous to our mental health. Going no contact is imperative even in protecting our own minds.  One reason I had to go no contact, is my physical health was being destroyed and I was almost ending up in the hospital just from dealing with them. They do break people. I see two very broken people they managed to destroy. If they don't morally destroy someone with their poison, they will emotionally and mentally destroy someone. If someone ask me if I loved my mother, I would say no. I cannot love someone who tried to destroy me on every level.

These morally insane people do try to destroy people by calling them crazy and even threatening children and teens with commitments and more. They also set scapegoats and others up more for the predators leaving them unsure of themselves. I believe many poisonous narcissistic mothers and fathers lie about their children and manipulate the "professionals" to label them and put them in programs, some die from being put in Wilderness programs and others are tortured by the system in "Scared Straight" programs. I find myself wondering how many of the Scared Straight kids were abused and beaten at home.

This continues into adulthood was well, where sadly many scapegoats have earned the life-long title of the "crazy" one. This happened to me. The entire family sees me as a nutter. Even the ones I am very low contact with treat me like I am radioactive. I don't have much hope for those contacts either. And can see the day coming where I have no contact with anyone in the family. The narcissists hamstring you then because when you fight back and stand up for yourself, then you are already considered nuts, so your angry and hurt words are just seen as the "mental case" ranting and raving. I was told by the flying monkeys and others I was a "negative" person. I was told by family members my poverty and illness were the result of my bad attitude.  We spend so much time just trying to get some of them to validate us. I wasted years trying to do this. It doesn't go anywhere because they have this view of you in your mind that the narcissists gave them. They successfully make us look crazy.

There's literally been decades where the malignant narcissists have told them, you are off your rocker and "the problem". I ponder for myself too now the nastiness said about other people from my brother's ex wife, to the two mentally broken aunts and others my mother decided were the "enemy". She used the technique effectively that they were all "crazy" too and got dozens of people to sign on. My brother may not be divorced today even if my mother had not sought to destroy his ex-wife at any cost. He never defended her and I believe that is the core besides some of his other bad behaviors why the marriage failed. My mother has this way of making herself appearing as the "reasonable" one, she has the money and the practicality to solve problems and they all buy into her mask.

I realize this is one reason, Aunt Denial and cousins and even my own sister kept their children away from me or limited their contact. It didn't matter I had spent years working with children and very troubled young people with endless security and background checks but they all believed my mother and kept their children away. My relationship ended with my sister the day I realized she was keeping her children away from me on purpose.  They deem you even too "unstable" to have anything to do with their children. You may be a bad "influence". Or Whoops you may let a few family secrets slip.......

I have learned to avoid people who play the "you're crazy" games. I cut them off immediately. The ex-friend, who did not believe me about a narcissist abusing me in my support group, actually tried to tell me I had gone "crazy" from my high blood sugars. What happened with that fake friend was a huge devastation. I had someone just like my mother in the room.  I knew the friendship was over at that point. Once someone disrespects you and tells you that you are "crazy" and they are busy rewriting reality instead of listening with empathy and respect, that is someone you need to get away from. That includes people you are related to. Someone who calls you crazy with the spirit of ripping you to shreds, does not love you.

This narcissistic society operates the same way our parents did, telling anyone who questions the status quo, they are crazy. This is a way to devalue people and silence them. That was the goal of our narcissistic parents. We are not the crazy ones, they are.


  1. All in all having my mother call me crazy (or a drug addict who couldn't tell the difference between fantasy and reality) was a compliment. I have yet to talk to someone who talked to her at the end, but if I do I would tell them to consider the source.

    1. LOL yeah it definitely was a compliment coming from her. I doubt she had anything new to say in the end. Considering the source there, that one definitely was exposed as what she was, a ruthless sociopath.

  2. Mother said that I was stupid, and with all the "care" she gave me, I turned out so lousy. I remember as a teenager, I would sleep a lot. I couldn't cope with life, and that was my fault. I was already ready for the institution, I remember feeling like reality was slipping away, and I didn't know what to do.

    In the end, everyone said that I couldn't cope with mother. That I couldn't get along. I can see that as a compliment.

    1. I got the "you have no common sense" comments and was told directly I turned out lousy as well. Sorry you felt depressed enough to sleep so much. I can understand the escape from reality. I lived in books to escape mine early on. I was always told, "you can't cope" too. No one ever questioned the garbage we both coped with.

  3. Hi Peep,
    Sorry to hear that you have been gaslit and dealt with narcs who wanted to committed you to a locked up place so you could not make your decision or have your life anymore. These things happened to my adopted siblings. Two of them dealt with soul killing involuntary commitment that their self-esteem got toasted. One sibling was labelled as having maniac depressive disease for yelling and hitting our adopted narc mother and running away from home. My adopted narc mother also claimed that she checked on my adopted siblings biological parents and “learned” that their biological parents “were alcoholic, had mental illness” and the biological mother was in a “hospital.” My adopted sister was bitter and angry and her half-brother (my adopted brother) hated our adopted narc mother.
    My adopted narc mother’s ass was on the line so she enlisted help from her brother and his friend to commit my adopted brother and a younger adopted sister. Her brother’s friends worked with the state mental hospital programs and looks very narcish and scary. They were committed because my adopted narc mother did not want to adopt them and chose to shut them up. She dealt with legal cases from people who wanted to adopt my sister after she was discarded.
    My adopted mother was angry that the was exposed so she moved out of town 4 hours away and made sure that her brother’s friends helped her to make sure they are evaluated, hospitalized and labeled, gaslit, brainwashed, and got locked up. They were dead heads and very detached people.
    Even though people with biological psychological disability have better opportunities today with medication and better doctors who do 72 hours emergency treatment, my adopted brother and sister obviously did not experience civil rights and respect. They dealt with long-term mental hospitalization and loss of respect and dignity, meaning society discredited them. They lost their credibility and respect so they did not find a spouse or have children. People did not want to marry them because of “severe mental illness” that was “genetics.” I still have nightmares about these people’s experiences.
    These are examples of the reasons why NC is the best and staying in contact with narcs due to child custody issues and financial or health reasons is horrible. I know some ACONs are still in contact their narc parents and ex-spouse because of their children, health problem, or because their narc parents are holding their Social security income or are withholding money and resources. Narc ex-spouses are nightmare as well, especially if you get divorced and have children with him or her.
    These are one of the reasons why we have to be picky with whom we choose for our future spouse. If you don’t play your cards right or chose a right spouse, you could end up marrying a person who is like your narc parent, and who would team up with your narc parent to take your children away from you or commit you. Please stay away from narcs. If you were adopted, please find ways to reverse your adoption, especially if your reunited with your non-narc biological or foster parents.
    I will pray for you and your husband, Peep. You don’t want to end up locked up like Rosemary Kennedy and my adopted siblings. Several people you mentioned were able to get out after several months to several years in a mental hospital. My adopted brother died at the age of 32. One of his addresses that was posted was a hospital that includes in-state mental hospital listed in the state mental health website. My younger adopted sister did not have a job listed in her Facebook page. Instead, she listed her volunteer experience with a job program with a mental hospital. I am not thankful that a narc woman adopted me.

  4. Hi Anon, Yes I had tons of gaslighting. I didn't get committed but it was a constant threat they held over my head especially at that age. At 18, I was already with my own private counselors at college and asking for their protection if I ever needed it.

    I always have been horrified by what happened to your two siblings. Since two were committed it seemed they would take a second look at your adoptive mother but she had the position in social work to fool everyone.
    It sounds like one was diagnosed for fighting back against your mother. That is how they work it, if you "fight" back, the narcissistic parents run crying to the counselors and others to label the child as the "problem". I believe this is why I sunk into the wall paper in high school. I did not rebel against my narcs until I was over the age of 18. I think I knew they could hurt me good before I was of age and I was right. Many young people get caught up in the system because of lying narcissistic parents. Some really are troubled from all the abuse but the wicked sociopathic parents play martyrs and lie about behaviors and more, and act innocent and say "I don't know why they did that".

    I bet the stuff about your adoptive siblings biological parents was made up, this was so she could drive them into the hospital saying they inherited their bipolar or manic depression or whatever else they diagnosed them with.

    Wow with your evil adoptive mother having a brother in the mental health system who worked actively against your adoptive siblings to put them away. Yes she had to label them as crazy and them into the mental health system to cover her tracks, especially if they talked and shared their abuse. Her social work career was in danger which it deserved to be of course.



    1. Yes they improved some rights, many states passed laws and set up protections to keep people from having enemies, narcs and sociopaths get them institutionalized. Many still lie and have connections to wiggle through the system but it's harder now.

      I believe with the long term hospitalizations especially of 20 years ago and beyond, people were discredited and maligned for life. This definitely happened to your siblings and most would believe a mask wearing narc. I know I am not believed so we all are familiar with that. I have never been psychiatrically hospitalized thank goodness. [only physical hospitalizations]

      It sounds like she put a red scarlet letter on their chest of "mentally ill" and yes this would deny them normal lives, employment especially employment that requires background checks and future family and spouses. Yes those are nightmare experiences that can give us all nightmares especially in realizing a system where the wicked can rail-road a vulnerable person so badly.

      I agree NC is the best. We need to do the papers to protect ourselves, maybe in your case you can undo your adoption. If I find out anymore about my true origins or if there is a birth family I would seek them out. I know for those without spouses there are agencies who will provide guardians if need be, there would be gamble with a stranger but better then any narcissist making your life decisions.

      Yes some ACONs due to health and other problems are stuck with the narcs. Some have held their social security money or even stolen it and spent it on themselves grabbing guardianship and claiming that someone cannot make good decisions to a court.

      Yes with a spouse, you want someone loyal who will never turn on you or team up with your narcissistic parent. Anyone who ends up with a narcissistic spouse and parent too, who team together against you, is in for a world of hurt.

      Thanks for your prayers anon. Yes no one wants to end up locked up like Rosemary Kennedy or having narcs make guardianship decisions. I am stable and lucid and never have been mentally incapacitated where I have been out of my mind. I have counselors I have talked to about my life and both agreed with NC and one told me that I and my husband were doing the best we could. So sorry for your loss with your brother. That is so evil and wrong what happened to him. I am sad to hear your sister is still with a job program in a mental hospital even this many years out. No you have nothing to be thankful of with a narc woman adopting you.

      locked up like Rosemary Kennedy and my adopted siblings. Several people you mentioned were able to get out after several months to several years in a mental hospital. My adopted brother died at the age of 32. One of his addresses that was posted was a hospital that includes in-state mental hospital listed in the state mental health website. My younger adopted sister did not have a job listed in her Facebook page. Instead, she listed her volunteer experience with a job program with a mental hospital. I am not thankful that a narc woman adopted me.

  5. Times have changed since poor Rosemary's youth. In 1939 in Toronto a 19 year old woman called Velma Demerson was jailed for a year for having a Chinese boyfriend and being pregnant with his child. something that made her "incorrigible" at the time. This was done under a 1897 Act called the Female Refuges Act which allowed for the imprisonment of "incorrigible" females from ages 15 to 35 for up to two years, for anything from premarital sex to public drunkenness. This Act was repealed in 1964.

    I knew nothing of this when I was young but I do remember how easy it was for a girl to get into trouble for things that would be unnoticed in a boy. The penalties were extremely harsh by modern standards. I remember how hard it was to find out basic information about sex and that some girls went "all the way" with their boyfriends simply to find out what all the fuss was about.

    The social conditions of Rosemary's youth don't exist anymore. The degree of ignorance re sexual matters is impossible to enforce anymore due to the internet. Sexual repression is no longer part of the law, at least in most parts of the western world. Parental tyranny is no longer accepted without question. The fifties TV show called Father Knows Best isn't even rerun. I don't believe Rosemary's sad story could be repeated today, though modern women have other dangers and risks.

    By the way, Verna married her Chinese boyfriend after a year in jail.

    1. Yes they could lock you up back then just if someone wanted you locked up and being "incorrigible" was one way they did it. That is crazy that applied to age 35. Sheesh. I am glad it was repealed. Yes girls could get in trouble easily. Girls got the short end of the stick biologically as men could impregnant them and leave them holding the bag too and in the old days up into the 60s they would be sent to convents and other places during their pregnancies and the child put up for adoption. I hope less girls now get pregnant with birth control information so readily available but obviously we have the "keep them barefoot and pregnant" clan like the Duggars who would want all birth control done away with.

      I do think there have been some changes too since Rosemary's day. There are more built in protections, but sadly rich parents now would send Rosemary off to clean floors with toothbrushes at "jesus camp"--that one book where this girl and her brother with rapidly false Christian parents sent them one of those "troubled youth schools". I guess the control would be done via another route. I read they kidnap some of those kids to take them to those schools over seas without supervision:

      I am glad Verna was able to get out and marry her Chinese boyfriend.

  6. Regarding the fortress - there's an ACON site that mentions the 'siege response' and I think you might relate to this a lot! I know I do!

    1. Hm the compliant stuff seems to describe me at different times but I relate. I know the seige stuff does too.

      "The siege response is one of defiance, rebellion, withdrawal and/or insensitivity. You work hard to prevent being manipulated by others, getting engulfed or enmeshed by others demands and feelings, assuming responsibility for others welfare and emotional well-being and from feeling diminished when you do not meet others expectations. In short, even though you are an adult, you are reacting to others as if they were your parents who expected and demanded that you meet their expectations. You decided at some point that you did not want to comply with your parents wishes and demands. You were trying to become separate and independent and had to fight hard to overcome being parentified. You are still fighting that battle with others in your life and this is negatively impacting your other relationships."

      "Life Themes
      To get an idea of the persistent effects of parental destructive narcissism, take a moment to review this list of life themes that can result from a parental DNP. Do you display two or more of the following life themes?

      • Generalized dissatisfaction with self and the course of your life.
      • Trying, but not succeeding, to be in emotional sync with others.
      • Constant reflection on your flaws, incompetence, and other faults
      • Lack of meaningful and satisfying relationships
      • The inability to allow others to become intimate or close
      • Meaning and purpose in your life is lacking
      • There are interpersonal problems with family, friends and/or work relationships
      • You constantly feel isolated and alienated (i.e. not connected to others)
      • You are overwhelmed by others demands or expectations"

      I definitely am having some of those struggles, probably most ACONs do. I feel like I never measure up to people's demands, which is a whole other ball of wax. I think some of us had to "rebel" to survive.

  7. Add poverty, disability and chronic significant health issues to the mix and you better believe any normal person would experience a "siege response." The reality is not that you *feel* under siege but in fact you ARE and that siege effects the individual globally. The NFOO may be the major Terrorist Organization you're dealing with but they're far from the only one.

    1. Thank you TW. Since going NC I have been able to see everything I went through objectively. Having a family and parents like this was much worse with my burdens. Even staying alive for me is a job! I didn't need their garbage on top of it and deserved a loving family.

  8. At a very young age (6 or 7) my parents started calling me a "nutter" and threatened to lock me up in a nearby psychiatric hospital. At the same time they tried to send my late older brother to juvenile detention in the same city. I put myself through two universities (without their help because I was only a girl), went on to teach (mostly Special Education) for 33 years while my older brother got a PhD in Nuclear Physics and worked with the team that developed the MRI.
    Meanwhile, my younger brother, their GC, went on to become an alcoholic/addict who has often relied on welfare and never held a real job in his whole life. Whenever my parents needed help in a crisis he simply disappeared.
    So, who exactly is crazy here? Me, for hanging around as long as I did!

    1. I am sorry mulderfan the same stuff happened to you. Sounds like they tried to destroy your older brother too, by giving him a bad name and labeling him as a criminal. They do that to kids too who are troubled from all the abuse and get a bit rowdy or in some young person trouble. That's horrible about the GC. I guess I'm used to the GCs doing well and getting money. I am glad you were able to have a career and your brother did well too.

    2. It's good you got away even if it took longer, better late then never. I got away late too.

  9. GREAT ARTICLE! I read in history,that the first ,businessman,in the Vanderbuilt family, got very rich doing dishonest govt. contract supplies; he got rich by being a big time crook. When he got tired of his wife, he had her thrown permanently in a mental asylum.---so wealthy families have a long history of getting rid of family members by locking them up permanently in funny farms.In the article I read, about the poor Mary Kennedy being given a brain-operation, her brother Bobby Kennedy didn't like their dad doing that to Mary, but he told someone that" he was afraid of complaining,cause the same thing would happen to him." ---which shows the horrible things that could happen to you, if you a member of the Kennedy family. ---the head of the clan could get irritated at you, and you'd be forced to get a lobotomy.SO MUCH for being a member of a very rich family!

    1. Thanks Tara. Wow the Vanderbilts locked someone away too. Horrible stuff. I have heard of wealthy husbands putting unwanted wives away and children. Yeah Bobby knew the score, scary stuff. Imagine seeing such evil done to a sibling. They probably learned to keep smiles on their face and keep bringing in the narc supply with their achievements. Surely some became narcs too. Yeah the richer the narcs the scarier things can get for you.