Monday, August 31, 2015
Why is She Wasting Her Time and Stamp?
I have thrown away a lot of cards but every now and then I read one. At least I don't get that feeling of fear anymore when I see a card from her. Thankfully that is gone. All the cards are the SAME. They all basically state "I didn't do anything" in various guises. It's like watching a psychological horror flick. Why waste the time and the stamp? Does she think by repeating herself, that I will erase my own memory banks? If she thinks she can play some guilt games, I'm not wasting guilt on people with no feelings.
Her "mask" always counted more then her own "daughter". It is more of the gaslighting, rewriting history, saying it did not happen. She never has given a real apology in her life. You know the proof is in the pudding with our broken relationship.
She has no feelings. She has no humility. She never would ask, "What is wrong?" or say "How can I fix things?" Nope I get the same denial I have gotten for years and this is exactly what built the problems to be so huge. She treated me like I was nothing for years and continues this in her "cards". She's wasting the stamp. She always put me last way behind everyone else. I was nothing to her. I didn't get a card from the GC sister, I figure they are swapping "scapegoat duty" since the GC sent me an anniversary card I just threw in the trash and didn't even open and she sent me the birthday card.
I once had the idea in the early days of my NC to tell her the only way I will come back is if she issues an official letter of apology to the entire family and admits her poor treatment of me, sends copies and reconciles my relationships with them. I know it's never would happen in a million years. It would be fake anyhow. Funny how we get those fantasies. I always had the fantasy of having a mother with an actual conscience and heart. Same for a sister with the same.
The sentence "came into our lives" is odd. Is this a way someone would write about someone actually BORN to them where they were pregnant with them? Yeah I know I hit a dead end with the adoption search but I found the wording strange. You know I tried to read her "withholding" heiroglyphics for years. You can really get to know someone, they stay a stranger when they never tell the truth and do nothing but rewrite history.
I did have a good birthday, went to go eat some Indian food with my husband, and had some friends visit me.