I have this friend who is moving to another country, but since we are long distance anyway if we can re-establish phone or other contact maybe it will be alright. Anyhow I hate saying Goodbye to anyone. It is very hard. I don't know if this an Aspie thing, but it's hard to see so many people go away. I think this was something about life, I never got used to. Tears will even flow down my face.
My life has been one of being ripped away from people with too many moves and this feeling of floating out there in space. Feeling like you are being sent to camp forever more where you have to make "new friends" and miss the old ones. Some people you lose forever, or at least til the other side of eternity, while others, you lose to time, distance and more. Sometimes you become a stranger to people without wanting to be. I have suspicions to believe that my niece has been told NOT to write me any longer.
One odd thing I have noticed about narcissists, is this part of my personality is something they always hated and they would say things like "move on" and like attachment to others was a bad thing. This is one reason society is becoming more unfeeling. Narcissists never miss anyone, and one wonders if in a narcissistic world, people are losing the ability to be attached to one another. Goodbye to them means nothing.
At the risk of sounding like a nattering nabob of negativism, In my life friendship is way over rated. Of 50 odd years of cultivating a lot of people towards my friendship I can cull everyone into one of two categories. Ones my mother got to and they ultimately sold me out. And ones that my mother were working on to sell me out. She had the money from our family farm. But even with that the price my mother paid to turn them was amazingly small.
ReplyDeleteWith the niece, while I care about her, I am going to have to keep my expectations low. I know my mother has turned everyone against me she has wanted to turn against me. If a friend knew my mother, that friendship would end. I was friends with a girl in a bowling league in early high school and once my mother befriended her mother, that friendship was toast. Fortunately I have lived in different towns then my mother since age 21 [or even earlier if you count my 4 years of college] but even then narcs and personality disordered can destroy friendships quite easily. I just had a 4 year friendship implode with a narc in the midst but it also exposed someone who never really was a friend.
DeleteYou don't upset me because while I have good close friends, I've lost so many people to narcissists and betrayals, I understand the "negativism". My cardinal rule is if my mother knows them, they will hate me. After my NC I even thought of all the family friends who seem to dislike me so much, and I knew why finally.
Some people it is just so hard to say goodbye to. We had a couple move away and it has not been the same at my church since. I think we have to give ourselves permission to grieve the loss. As an ACON I had to give myself permission to do....almost anything. Its ok to feel upset, no one is going to use it against you. Well, they might but that's ok.
ReplyDeleteNarcs move one easily but they are heartless. I am usually alone, I can't tell who to trust and it takes so long to trust. I had friends that walk out of my life permanently, time to move on to fresh supply I guess.
Narcs hate me too. Gee what was this thing all my life that made me the most despicable person on earth? I found out everything with my awakening, it has been a real relief, just knowing, but they don't stop anyway.
I am sorry you might lose your niece, but she will be grown up someday and able to make her own decisions about things. I did. Unfortunately the people mother told me that were crazy are all dead now.
Sorry you lost a good couple at your church Joan S. I think our society is over-mobile, too many losses, piling up for the social disconnection. I agree about giving one's self permission to grieve. yes the narcs move on easily. I think some who move on so easily simply do not get attached. One friend in old town called them "people tasters". Even with the one ex-friend, I could tell she was growing "bored", she told me she got bored with card making and only stuck to activities so long, I suppose the same would apply to people too. Get your supply and get out and go find what is new and "shiny" but that person will be dumped eventually too. Sorry you had the friends walk out too.
DeleteYeah they hate me as well. Guess I don't want to do what they want enough. Yes it is great to know but the narcs keep on being narcs. I pray everyday for the niece to be freed [and the others too] and become her own person, not evil like them. I knew that could be coming with three weeks worth of my mother working on her. It became obvious to me my mother started paying her special attention right after I went NC.
Joan you sound like a good person. And you come by this naturally. Narcs hate this in people because they don't know how to emulate you, and they cannot buy these qualities.
DeleteDitto the words of q1605....like Son House sang, a true friend is HARD to find....
ReplyDeleteYes they are hard to find, definitely.
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