Thursday, August 21, 2014

Using Flexitouch Now

It shrunk my bad leg down by quite a bit, the changes are noticeable right from the start and even my good leg, went down by a lot. I am noticing I have "lumps" on my legs which can come with lipedema, there is a big one on my good leg even. I have used this two days, and done each leg on alternating days. Bad leg on even days, and good one on odd days?

The sessions are 70 minutes. My husband has to strap the leg things on for me. The hardest part is the positioning and I'm slow at puzzles so trying to figure out where the parts go is the toughest, but I figure once I am used to it, we will have it going well. It feels like a massage, I like the feeling of it. 

Yesterday I peed a lot and think it has stimulated the lymphatic system in a good way!

My Flexitouch Lymphedema Pump

Nutritionist Says I am Doing Well

I lost some, but remember with me, I have to fight NOT to gain weight. It's always hard to know what is water lost or gained too, you know? I told her, I just want to see a 4 as the front number again.  My goals for the nutritionist was to up the nutritional factor, get more practical food ideas, deal with the serious nutritional deficient and NOT gain any more weight. Even if you are lipedemic, you still should try and control what "fat weight" you can. We do not remove fat the same way as other people either. Our fat cells are not normal.

"Lipoedema involves pathological changes in cellular function of adipose (fat) cells leading to fatty tissue edema, thickened collagen fibers, venous stasis, and lymphostasis and often pain in the edemic region. A significant difference between lipoedema and general fat storage is that regardless of an individual’s weight loss effort there will be no change in the volume of the lipoedemic region, even with minimal food intake."

I suppressed the calories to around 1800 a day on average. I am eating a bunch more vegetables and fruits. 1800 is the lowest that can be managed. The guy who said 1200 is crazy. Hey I will do it, if they invent a drug to kill hunger pain that isn't eating. LOL I know my hunger levels are not normal. Do any of you know a way to kill hunger pain that isn't dangerous? Yes I drink water and often wait the 20 minutes but it can come crawling back. My body drives me crazy with it's constant demands. There are hours a day being dedicated to it's maintenance. What other choice do I have?

I'm writing down everything I eat too. I eat a lot of foods people find weird. LOL. Qrunch burgers are good by the way. Try them out.

Insulting Fat People at a Buffet

At buffets I allow myself two trips, but I usually avoid them except quarterly trips to a favorite Asian buffet. I once had the opposite of this happen at a friend's wedding dinner, at a Chinese Buffet, the owner of the restaurants, came up to me and said, "You don't like my food, you only took two trips!"
Anyhow I know sometimes if you are fat, people can make comments if you eat the wrong thing in public.

Why Are They Allowing Ebola to Spread?

I read "The Stand" years ago, it seems those who govern our nation don't care if we get taken over by Ebola.  I thought weeks ago why aren't they limiting flights from Western African nations to keep this horrible disease out of our country? Even African nations to protect themselves are shutting their own borders, but this one isn't.

Instead they are allowing it to spread world wide. Some "conspiracy" folks are saying they want it to spread a la Georgia Guidestones style. Others are saying it's being used as something else to make people afraid and gain more control over them. Hey sometimes you wonder what is utter stupidity and what is planned......

US Hospitals 68 Ebola Scares

Some of these could be people who got the flu or food poisoning and got scared, but then you wonder what would happen if there really was that many cases or even more of them?

Check this out. Would you want to go to a dinner party at this guy's house? Sorry that's an invitation I'd decline.

American Ebola Patient Released

And great earthquakes shall be in divers places, and famines, and pestilences


                                         [picture source]

I got this quote from RumblestripQ: Back stage pass to the sociopath Side show

Grooming a child to believe that the child is the problem, and communicating that publicly, serves several purposes. One of which is that it discredits the child to other family members and friends of the family before the child ever stands up to abusive treatment. Which serves to insure that the abuser will never be questioned by other people. It is important for the controlling or abusive person to discredit the child in case the child ever tells or exposes the truth about the dysfunction in the family.

Thanks MFan and Darlene Ouimet@

This quote helped me because I know this happened to me in my family. When I tried to discuss anything, it was like facing brick walls. My reputation with the majority had been destroyed in some insidious way. There is no fixing it either I tried. Even if you are a church attending peaceful person, totally free of drugs or alcohol with a clean record, trust me they can make dirt stick forever to you.  After years of this the people are trained to do the narcissist's biddings and to tune out and devalue everything you say.

Many ACONs attest to this. It is a very hard feeling to even describe, this mode of never being listened to or even talking to people who may pretend, and then by their actions you were never heard. It hurts. One struggle an ACON can deal with is this forever invisibility they struggle with. I believe in my case, my mother's sway over my relatives is extreme. If someone tells the world you are "crazy" for 40 plus years and nothing you say means anything, sadly sometimes the people listen instead of giving the person in doubt a chance.  Malignant narcs know how to destroy a reputation with a look in their eye, a sneer on their lip and subtle cues, among their minions. Even to keep this person who is in charge "happy", they don't want to take the chance of offending them even if that means kicking you to the curb.  It can be something very small too, like asking for some old pictures!

Our status is rendered so absolutely low in these family circles! Run, Run, Run. Hey I went NC even thinking the homeless shelter would give me a lot more respect! I'm praying to God to take care of me. By the way, I figure I am dogmeat to the family and no longer care about trying to change their minds about anything. That job has been thrown in the trashcan for the eons. My self view has changed massively. Let the TV watching drones that claim they share DNA with me lie to themselves forever.

All of my family friends and neighbors bought her tales of woe and martyrship at the hands of me being the forever disappointing weirdo daughter. I hope no other person is maligned for their physical disabilities or Aspergers. People I never even have talked before, would give me a jaundiced eye, if they happened to meet my mother first! If you can swing it, never live in the same area of your narcissistic family or other relatives. I don't want to even be in the same town as a flying monkey!So one of the hardest things a scapegoat or better said EX-scapegoat who quit has to deal with is this feeling of being silenced and knowing nothing you say or do will convince these people!

One thing too, with many of them I did used to try to explain my side of things and was never believed. They were annoyed by me bringing up the past or even pulling up 2 hour old things. Even trying to be positive and show these people the best side of me--a struggle but I tried, was an immense waste of time.

 I know if this blog is ever found by any relatives, she would tell them all I had "gone crazy" due to my recent medical diagnosis, and play herself off as the martyr with the "horrible daughter". "I don't know what she wanted from me?" "I did everything I could for her!"

The minions if they found this blog now, would circle the wagons and scream...

"How dare she!"

"Look at those hideous lies!"

"She must be nuts!"

"So much anger and non-forgiveness, her mother was so nice"

and so forth and so on.

I know even if my brother found this blog, he probably would get mad.

Hey the me of yesterday would have been SCARED to death to even have a blog like this. I would be absolutely petrified. Today I don't care. These NC relationships are bombed out craters, nothing I could say or write could destroy them anymore.

One thing I remember,  I spoke up for my rights, against the emotional and even physical and other abuses, others would rise up to defend her [and my father when he was alive] and tell me I was in the wrong, and needed to go back in the corner and shut up!

My Aunt Who Loved Me, did support me but sadly was too scared of her oldest sister to say much in defense. Sadly this happened to a lesser extent with others. I suppose no one else wanted to be the target.

And speaking of targets, years ago my narcissistic mother went after my brother's now ex-wife with a viciousness that probably only matched the smears said against me. One thing my mother literally bonds with people by putting others down. I saw this and even almost got sucked into it myself a few times which I have definitely repented of. My own regrets about being sucked into a few of the lies bothers me to this day. In other words I watched the discrediting of others. The names she called that troubled young lady with "white trash" as the first on the list were inexcusable. She managed to even destroy my friendship years ago with her.

 A few times years ago my brother's ex wife would literally lose it, but my mother had manipulated things so the whole family thought she was crazy, and dismissed everything she said. This happened to me too, but over a much longer haul. I think about that now, about how her "declared" enemies could never win. This is one way she manipulated people into serving and meeting her needs by separating one sheep [or really goat] from the pack, and displaying the punishments that would be forthcoming for crossing her!

Sometimes I wonder if many things I was told by family members were even true....did Aunt Scapegoat really hoard to the extent my mother claimed? Many of her stories now are questionable to me. I know how social workers deal with that sort of thing. If you are hoarding trash and waste usually they are getting involved.  That is one scary thing, now that my eyes are open. How many lies about others have I heard? For those that lie like rugs, it's hard to use tweezers to pick out the true bits. Many things I saw first hand, but others I have not. Today I know nothing is to be taken for granted. I have discovered so many lies.

If any of them find this blog, one day. I don't regret one word of it. I am glad I have a venue to warn others about what happened to me and to share how to survive it and manage.

No Ice Bucket Challenge For Me: I'll Chew on an Ice Cube For Ya!

Wow, I know people doing this on Facebook, many mean well, but in my mind, forget it! Fads that everyone runs after kind of annoy me. What does freezing under cold water have to do with ALS? Aren't those people mostly paralyzed and losing feeling? What about places where this is a waste of water?

 Ah my head hurts. Let's have everyone do a dance for lipedema or wiggle their ears if they can, or wear their hair dyed purple. If celebrities and the elite do it, I don't want to. This seems like a distraction of sorts to me.  I know they are using social media for social experiments. So forget it.

Send a donation to ALS charities [or others of your choice] if you want, but ignore this silly bucket thing.

Saturday, August 16, 2014