Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Five Hundred Pound Peep Comic-Zine #1: A Peep Is Hatched!

Five Hundred Pound Peep Comic-Zine #1

A Peep is Hatched!

This is the first comic zine in a three-part series: based on the blog, Five Hundred Pound Peep: The Life & Times Of A 500-Pound Woman, on which she recounted the story of her life in comic form. Peep's comics serve as the snapshot of her life, times and struggles as a super-sized woman in America today.

Part One: A Peep Is Hatched, takes us through Peep's childhood, into middle school. You'll see her early struggles with a dysfunctional family, ballet class and Catholic school, and size discrimination. This issue is 29 pp., and comes to you on 8.5" x 11" Xeroxed paper, with a yellow color card stock cover, straight from the author's drawing table -- and into your hands! What more could you ask?

Look for the rest of the story in Part Two: A Peep Learns To Fly, which takes us from Peep's life (middle school to college, and becoming an art teacher: 43 pp.) and Part Three: Peep Escapes Various Cages (from early adulthood, to getting out of Chicago, and becoming disabled: 37 pp.). These are the second and third issues, and will go up for sale in the next few weeks. 

These hand-drawn, produced and Xeroxed comics are the results of Peep's 20-plus-year hobby of chronicling her life in comic form

Email me if you are interested just like the paintings and I will send you a link to the ebay where these are being sold. Here's a sneak preview of two and three:

POST NOTE: Please contact me at my email here, fivehundredpoundpeep@gmail.com if you want to trade a zine for a zine too. 

Friday, December 8, 2017

This wasn't originally an ACON blog

I've had several ACON allies leave the internet lately. It's kind of hard since this was an online community important to me. My Aspie self never gets used to these kind of changes. That's one aspect of my personality many don't understand. Change always seems to bring loss and never additions. I know normal people "move on" and who am I to judge? It feels lonely though.  My blog still survives, but I have nightmares that I will be the last one still blogging against narcisissm. Maybe the narcissists won and silenced everyone.

This isn't easy to do. Even when I was finishing the zines, some of it had to do with the family, and that was hard, because I was drawing things from a few years ago, I try not to think of the family everyday now. It's too painful. It didn't work out. There was no fixing any of it no matter what I did or didn't do.  When I went no contact, maybe I didn't expect changes of the main narcissists but I didn't realize the price would be the whole family. Some of ACON allies have healed and moved on, that makes sense, but I feel a loss in having several people I once corresponded with, having left these corners of the Internet.

One online blogger and ACON ally disappeared 10-12 months ago, she just vaporized and stopped blogging, I always wonder what happened to her? I even worried she may have died and we had no way to find out. For those of us who have the Internet as our main social life, outside of a marriage, there can be some drawbacks to this. We want in real life friends and people who care about us too in day to day lives. Internet interactions while there can be some deep sharing, and support, they can peter out. It's hard. How do you say you miss people you only talked to online? I have some close online friends where there is phone and other contact, but it's hard, there's always that far away feeling. I told someone regarding the lack of a day to day social life that I hate always being stuck in having to sell myself. I wish I could just be somewhere in life where people knew me, and I knew them and the selling stage was long over. Every time I finally get settled and I think that's only happened once in adult life in my old town, when it comes to any social life, everything is put into constantly put in upheaval. There is sadness to my personality based on far too many losses.

 Writing about narcissists has to get old after awhile. It can get depressing. The narcissists seem to hold the fort no matter what you do. They all "win" in this world.  Everyone chooses them, and no deity lifts a finger to change anything. It beats people down. Even for those of us who find recovery, there's no victory only retreat.

I can understand why some want to stop thinking about it. My own writing on them slowed, because I am not around them. There's no new tales of misery to tell. You don't want to think of the "strangers" long out of your life anymore. The no contact decision can feel like another defeat. You spare yourself pain, suffering and abuse but there's empty space and loneliness to contend with. The hope of a loving family, reconciliation, and even relationship with younger members is gone. Who wants to rip at the scab anymore? There's simply nothing more to be done. At least the early days of fear are over. You have hardened up. The narcissists can rail and even threaten or play nice, you just let the phone ring and ignore it. You're gone, they had their chances long ago.

Sadly the narcissists always seem to win. I am not sure how to break that formula. You imagine strength and empowerment in the early days of no contact, but you have to find your way and own life. I am still trying to figure out what to do with my life or whatever is left of it. I know I have to work on us finding a new direction, or finding some kind of social life. We have to think of our economic survival and what plans we can pull off for better senior years.  My husband and I have continued in our protest work. We attended a new small UU fellowship that was friendly. I felt a little bit of hope about the future for once. I am hoping the winter stays more mild. We need to make some bonds off-line too and I am trying to work on this the best way, we can.

Even my own writing on the narcissists petered off. I worked on the zines and they were a look in the past too, one theme in them is the weight gain and dealing with being overweight. I took so long at the zines, they are more a picture of a couple years ago, then now, but show some of the ACON history and me walking.

This blog, I started as a personal and a blog dealing with fat issues about being 500lbs and trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and later the Lipedema diagnosis came. This blog did help achieve that for me. It became an ACON blog around 2013.  I plan to keep this blog going and just write about politics, life, art and other things that occur to me and do things on a more relaxed basis. There may be still be an ACON article on occasion but it wasn't originally an ACON blog. I do miss my old ACON allies, and am thankful to them for everything they did for me, and hope they have gone on to find happier lives.

I Thought I was Lazy: The Invisible Day to Day Struggle of Autistic Women

I thought I was Lazy: The Invisible Day to Day Struggle of Autistic Women

"My inability to properly plan ahead and complete daily tasks has dwarfed my personal growth and well-being since I moved away from home seven years ago. I live in a constant state of disorder, expressed through missed appointments, forgotten text messages, and errands and assignments that take twice as long than my peers to complete. Even tidying the garbage littered across my apartment feels too overwhelming. My poor organizational and cleaning skills have fractured my relationships, prevented me from thriving in jobs, and in the process, destroyed my self-worth."

"But every time I look at my messy room, I am reminded of this disheartening fact: So long as my friends, family, and therapists recognize me as allistic, my executive differences will always be interpreted as a personal failure."

This one is the story of my life. I am always behind on everything. I don't have a job or kids to take care of either. My medical tasks fill up a lot of the day, even now I am thinking about meds I got to take and getting the energy to wrap my legs. Things really are more complicated for Aspies in this way. I'm never going to be a great cleaner, there's no way.

A Painting Style I Plan to Pursue

I did this painting of a portrait of someone I know. It looks a lot like them, so I crossed out the eyes. LOL I don't want people approaching them and saying, "Hey do you know Fivehundredpoundpeep?" My art teachers told me, they thought the style was successful. I had at least two people say "I paint like Alice Neel" for me that was a major compliment. One teacher, took me aside and told me when I am loosened up, that is when she sees the best work coming out of me, I found that interesting. That is the kind of painting when I have the most fun.

I got the zines done

I need to ask husband to photograph them later to put them up on ebay. My camera was acting up. You all will get to see this blog in cartoon form. LOL I am going to start with #1 and then add #2 and #3 in proceeding weeks. I did over 100 panels of comics based on my life. It took a very long time. I wonder if it is Aspie to do a general autobiography of your life in comic form? I'll put up #1 very soon. Anyhow here is a small snippet of what is to come.