Sunday, June 11, 2017

Reader Survey and Feedback




Please respond in comments. I didn't want to mess with widgets and all that. I want to get reader feedback on the blog. Sometimes bloggers should do this to see where things are going. My traffic has remained pretty steady but I think especially this long in, it's good to get some feedback.

This is an informal survey, sorry I have no prize to offer at this moment but the opportunity to present your opinion. Be nice, some criticism is allowed but narc comments like "You aren't positive enough"  or "Why are you still fat?" aren't going up. All questions are optional you can respond to any you wish or not.

1. How Long Have you read the Five Hundredpoundpeep blog? [the blog started in 2010]

2. How did you find the Fivehundredpoundpeep blog?

3. List in Order of Preference your preferred subjects to read about:

A. Fat and Obesity Issues
B. ACON Adult Children of Narcissists Subjects and Peep's Personal Experiences
C. Cultural and Political Topics 
D .Economic Topics 
E. Lipedema
F. Aspergers
G. Disability Issues
H. Peep Art Work and Photography

4. What is your favorite article that Peep has ever written?

5. What is your least favorite article that Peep has ever written?

6. What are some subjects you would like to see written about?

7. Do you want to be a guest blogger? 

8. I am an ACON...YES OR NO

9. I am a fat person....YES or NO

10. I have Lipedema like Peep YES or No 

11. I am an Aspie...YES OR NO

12. What other blogs do you like to read?

13. What other websites are your favorites?

14.Any other feedback you want to share.

CityScape Pictures


The Last True Hermit





The Stranger in the Woods: The Extraordinary Story of the Last True Hermit

Yesterday I read "The Stranger in the Woods" it was about this guy who at the age of 20 disappeared into the woods to live alone, for almost 30 years. Sadly even as a hermit, one needs to eat, and he went about it in the wrong way. He was arrested in 2013 for breaking into cabins, and trailers, where he got all his food and supplies. Psychologists later after he was arrested wondered if he had Aspergers but many of them thought schizoid personality disorder fit better. Aspies desire companions but are just bad going about getting them, this guy was happier being left alone.

 He just didn't want to deal with people. The book was interesting because it went into the history of hermits, and how many became hermits for religious reasons but there were others that protested society and went adrift. In the 18th century a fad started where, wealthy people hired resident hermits, on their estates and clothed and fed them. So in history there are people who have become hermits.

I don't know how someone could survive for almost 30 years saying HI to one guy as reported in this book, when he ran into some hikers. He did seem to live the way he wanted, if only he had not victimized some people who were on edge from the thefts, and enjoyed nature and being alone. Some people do dream about taking off for the woods, but survival is pretty rough, and this guy admitted he almost died in a few winters. His talk about the lady of the woods which is what he calls death does seem to bring up some depression issues. They put him on probation and a special court program for the thefts, at the end of the book he was living with family members who surprisingly were willing to help him after he disappeared for 30 years.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Propaganda Article Against the Disabled


                               [source]

Generations Disabled

Let me do a list on this one.

1. Unruly kids kill or seriously maim a puppy right in front of the reporter. Dogs which cost money to take care of run all over the house.

2. Four generations of the same family are on disability.

3. There's implied eugenics, as the reporter expresses outrage over  a woman with Mosaic Down's Syndrome having multiple children out of wedlock.

4. The house is "messy", full of unhealthy food and of course they spend 300 a month on cell phones to get the heritage foundation sorts up in arms.

5. They live in a trailer.

6. The reporter stresses them having the attitude of "trying to scam" the system when it comes to the disabled kids. I don't know if the kids are really disabled or not but it helps the propaganda, of the teeming hordes supposedly teaching their kids to grow-up and draw a check. It's the single welfare mother propaganda of the 1980s.

7. They are deemed irresponsible and lazy.  

8. The matriarch is on her fourth divorce.

9. How many Honey Boo-Boo stereotypes can you count?

There's a reason this family was chosen to be written about as a picture of disability in America. Supposedly to Republicans all disabled people are bums and ready to rip off the system. They are supposedly all uneducated, "breeding" too much, and all mooches to the system. This is the kind of article that is written, to get people up in arms.

It is hard to get disability but the population doesn't know it, they think you can show up at the doctor's office,and say "I have a bad back, get me disability doctor", and boom, you get a check every month. Most people are getting turned down, even people in really bad shape. Today it is near impossible to get disability. Two years to get through the system is not an unknown.

This article was posted on Yahoo too, just read the comments, people are ready to string up the disabled and the cries for sterilization run rampant and screams of "get a job" ring from the rafters. I can't find the comments now, maybe they took them down.

One thing about political agendas, they know how to manipulate the masses. The masses are being manipulated to hate the disabled and to all for them to be cut off so Republican billionaires can have more money.  Life for the disabled is getting scary. We are being deemed "non-people". One thing you will note about the Republican party is inclusion for the disabled who can still work has dropped so they are a bunch of damn hypocrites.

There is so much stigma for disability,I keep my mouth shut about being disabled. I've had people right in front of me insult people on welfare and disability checks.

 All I got to do is look at my husband, his last good job threw him out the week I went on the supplemental insurance.We know his moderate health problems closed him out of the work world for good necessitating his freelance work. These hypocrites will scream about the bums of disability, but for people in good enough shape to actually work, do you see any of them getting a job? Do you see any job placement programs anymore? I sure don't.

What could this woman or her developmentally disabled daughter do for work? Age discrimination would be in full froth for her and the daughter, may get 2 bucks an hour or a little more down at the Goodwill. In the land of no options, people grab at whatever straws they can grab at. The jobs system has FAILED.

One guy who was a disabled professor raged at this article. He's fed up too like I am with the propaganda and put downs. He talked about how he paid into the system and was hardworking so why is he being shamed through an article like this one? Isn't it bad enough they are denying our costs of living for our barebones living? We have to get smacked around as the scapegoats now for all that is wrong with America?

One guy on Reddit, posted this:


 "Those kids are so doomed. This is the cycle of poverty people talk about, it just has a white, rural face to it.

Per the title, it definitely will continue. Sure, some of them are "lazy" people who won't get a job. But the economy of rural America continues to hollow out, and it appears many are turning to disability. Either the jobs aren't there, or the jobs are so bad (in terms of the actual work and the pay received) it's preferable to find a way to get onto disability. And then it's no surprise they're mentally dysfunctional when they have to live that way -- few people like to live off the government like that, with no purpose or direction in life. So then they swallow tons of pills to cope with whatever mental illness arises.

I only see the problem getting worse. Jobs continue to migrate to urban areas, and despite Trump winning the hearts of rural voters, it appears his policies (or the Republicans' policies) will do little to reverse or stem the further hollowing out of rural America.

I can't even begin to imagine how much self-driving cars will devastate rural America in the next decade or two. So many areas are reliant on passing truckers. When it's automated trucks flying on through, there'll be no one to buy lunch at the diner or to buy items at the gas station, not even considering how many rural people are truckers themselves who will be out of a job."

I don't agree with this guy that the cities are any better but the rest of his post makes sense. The job system is failing, people are grasping at straws in some cases. However along with those people are those who are really disabled.  I have seen many people become disabled from the stresses of low paid manual labor jobs, that offer low pay, little medical insurance and that are unstable. Poverty ITSELF makes people disabled. Think about my life, if I had not been abused or medically neglected and had earlier diagnosis or treatment, the trajectory of my life could have gone completely different. I worked hard even going to school for a second degree but I never found that economic stability one needs to have good health.

 Unless you are a slim technocrat, or a member of the monied classes, poverty awaits in America. This is a huge percentage of the population. One thing I am noticing with the Republican party is no one is addressing reality or the lack of jobs. No one is speaking of job placement programs for disabled people who CAN work. Instead the answer remains, "just go die in the gutter."

No one is asking "Why are so many people getting sick?" Maybe because we live in a sick society? That's the giant elephant in the room.

Friday, June 9, 2017

My Posts to Ollie Matthews Regarding His Support of Trump



It's no surprise he's losing subscribers.  People are having some cognitive dissonance, me included over his avid support of narcissist Trump.

I have many friends who don't like Trump and some are independents like me. I ask myself "How could someone not see through Trump?" It does bother me. I think Ollie is sincere, but I used to make my own internet visits in the alt-right world until I figured out most of Zero Hedge seemed to have every conversation steered by a bunch of astro-turfers. They shut up anyone who talked about how hard it was to make a living today or questioned the prison industrial system.

On boards like those, I noticed there was real denial about the economic life I lived in and a total hatred for any disabled people, we were all called mooches who should just go die. My being disabled set me apart from this world in an instant.

The alt-right world would make some true charges about Hillary Clinton and the mind prison of political correctness but their racism which grew by the years, was nauseating from the start.

Remember I wrote that article questioning why the left pushes the idea of white supremacy and believe it causes more racism, but that doesn't excuse the blatant racism on the right, so many of those websites seemed to love Charles Murray theories about other races and poor whites, that they all  supposedly have "lower IQs" [google "The Bell Curve" and "Coming Apart: The State of White America"] and that is why they have failed to "win" in the cut-throat capitalist world. There is manipulation and EVIL on both sides and it is spiritual. 

Unfriending someone over differences in politics isn't good, since I hate both parties this would mean a lot more social problems but Ollie's support of Trump is odd to me. Trump is so obviously narcissistic in what he says, his facial expressions and more, how can someone not see it? This is not a man who worked his way up from the trenches but was born with a silver spoon in his mouth from his father who was a real estate mogul.

Could our experiences as ACONs influence our politics as adults? I wondered aloud if Ollie, faced some die-hard narc Democrats growing up? I dealt with the hard core Tea Party set who called me a loser and hated the disabled,  but then I also had some Democrat narc relatives angry about me being a Christian and questioning political correctness.  Politics has grown more confusing by the minute too, with them steering every demographic into their "place",  will I have to do "hold my nose" votes for a party I can't stand, just due to sheer survival? The Republican party is clear about their beliefs, that my life as a disabled person is wortheless to them.

Ollie is not religious from what I can tell, so why does he support the politician that is in with the Dominionists and religious right. With my time in independent fundamentalist baptist churches, this is a world I know well.  Trump is in with all sorts of hardcore religious right groups, ones I never could stand because of their support for the police state and rejection of civil liberties.

I know trying to change someone's political mind often can be a waste of time, but I left a few comments on Ollie's videos. One thing with his coming out so stridently for Trump, some other ACONs have questioned this too, why can't you see that this man is a narcissist?

Sometimes political fleas can crop up. Do some fall into the "might makes right" philosophies due to narcissistic abuse? Do some want to honor the "strong man" who teaches less empathy where "winning is everything? All good questions. Being disabled in this economic and political climate is very frightening from my end of things. [Sorry for misspellings in posts below, I had posted them quickly]

Here's an article for you Ollie,please read it. This guy is like me and knows the left scammed us too:

http://hipcrimevocab.com/2017/04/02/what-is-the-alt-right/
***************

"You're spot on with narcissism Ollie, so I won't stop watching due to disagreements politically, but please research Trump more. Alex Jones is a shill, and the alt-right just another scam to get the working class and others in America to bow before the bankers and billionaires who own both sides, Koch equals Soros, etc.The Republican party is in with the crazies including the Dominionists and it's growing worse. Yeah the Democrat party sucks too and Hillary is a crook, but so are the rest of them on the other side. It sucks to realize the whole system is a put on and I know it's easier to "choose a side" but they are ALL betraying us. 

Trump didn't do anyway with NAFTA, he appointed 5 Goldman Sachs people same as Hillary would and Obama did, both parties support the Plan For a New American Century wars---next up Iran, and any country without a centralized bank tied into the globalist system. 4.8 billion spent on Middle Eastern wars instead of USA infrastructure and Trump is doing nothing to stop that either. 

Donald Drumpf sold himself as a populist to the economically oppressed and people sick of the Democrat's focus on identity politics and ignoring of economic realities, the betrayal is already in. I didn't vote for him but how someone can't see the betrayal Trump is part of, is mind boggling to me. Hey I know it's easier to believe one side "is for us" but they BOTH SUCK."

I responded to another commenter here:

I hope Ollie is open to discussion, I have been a little worried over some of my comments, and I am no defender of Clinton and pals being ignored.:/ Sometimes it is disappointing to see so many people become excuse makers for the system. Maybe Ollie has extreme narc Democrats he dealt with, but I had extreme Narc Tea Partiers who told me everyone who didn't make money were "losers" and told me to go into the gutter because I was disabled.I have to admit I am very disappointed in Ollie's political views. I have studied politics as a hobby, and well, many do not see through the entire theatre show. Hasn't Ollie even seen a website online that has spoken of the "new world order" and no I don't mean owned and controlled conspiracy stuff [9-11 was an inside job], but knowing how the system really works.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Left%E2%80%93right_paradigm

There are surface differences but the flight path for more consolidation of wealth for the ultra elite, stronger police state, endless wars to centralize banks, and tyranny remain the same. There's a reason Clinton and Bush golfed together. Trump went to Clinton weddings. It's SHOWTIME to fool you and me. I sometimes wish Ollie, could go a bit deeper and understand how the system works.

The fix was put in for the chess-pieces to be reshuffled by the elite, this is why the timing for Brexit and Trump came together all at once. Just like Clinton had Podesta and her spirit cookers, Trumps put on the shows too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBKu9OJ8Ltk

I do wish that alt-right people figured out they are being scammed too, taught to blame other races, and the "disabled" who they call "parasites" in service to the elite, people voting for their own demise. There will be NOTHING replacing the social safety net the Republicans hope to remove and people will die. Republicans are as much hypocrites as Democrats, refusing to address problems with the job market, and how people are hired and fired and our dropping wages. 

There are people on both sides, who know we are being scammed. The Democratic party betrayed the working class. Trump is betraying the working class and poor. I'm not going to choose a side, they both suck. The elite use the Machivallian crap like with that frog getting people to blame other races instead of realizing who the real culprits to all the oppression are.


Saturday, June 3, 2017

The Mausoleum is Being Sold or Else Got Foreclosed On.



We used to call my mother's house the mausoleum, everything in life was about redecorating it, and spiffing it up and it's yard. "She's building a masoleum to herself", we said.  She would spend hours, shopping, collecting and redecorating, and this went beyond the cast of thousands snowman collection and included everything from buying an old 19th century wagon in the front yard with flowers planted around it, to purchasing those scrying globes and globes with marbles and a collection of birdhouses and placing them in the yard. She has a second home in Florida but this was her main home. Watching all this as we financially struggled was not easy. Even if we got a little help back then mostly car related, the whole family's values was based on STUFF.

It seemed like she thought she was going to get to live there forever.  It always seemed odd to me, that she never paid attention to aging or reality, but unlike other elderly people I know who worried about the future and care issues, she never did. She kept shopping until she dropped to the very last day I saw her. Past behavior is a sign of future behavior.

This recent news surprised me because that house was EVERYTHING to her. It's strange, with narcissists, they really don't have attachment to ANYTHING not even places, and a home they poured every dime and life energy into.  It seems to me they don't even think of the word HOME. I always knew that house meant a whole hell of a lot more to her then I ever did. 

She's lived there since the year I graduated high school, which is almost exactly 30 years ago. So my time in that house, was the nightmare year home from college, and a few summers in between semesters. I don't have many positive memories there. It's a nice house, around 2500 square feet but it's in a town that is underwater and somewhat depressed. The housing market sucks. She lives in the richest neighborhood in town aside from the street immediately by the country club and lake.

When I rotted in the Chicago ghetto, going without food and groceries, she got insurance pay-outs from my father's death and went to town, adding on at least three rooms to the house and remodeling at least 50 percent of it. At that time I believed it had been paid off too. She replaced almost all the house's furniture. There would be some remodels over the years, that were added.

She sent a chirpy email to 67 people. I had to be accidentally left on the email list. I still have to figure out how to block yahoo emails.  She can make downsizing even sound like a "trendy" thing. She wrote, she was "so happy" about the condo people redoing her plants. I can see through that a mile away, she was not one to wax poetic about flowers though she'd plant some for appearances.

It's weird how she brags to 67 people about moving and in the email, tells there there is a ton of free stuff, she needs to get rid of. She always portrayed herself as the lady of the manor, dispersing things to the peasants, but the reality is, her solely upper middle class friends have all the money in the world to buy whatever they need.

  "We are now calling home ^^^^^^^^^^^ even though we still own ***********.  We have a ton of work ahead of us, having garage sales, and getting rid of so many things we do not have room for or no longer need in the Condo.  (If you need anything or would be willing to help, let us know).  A small garage full of outdoor furniture, tools, lawn ornaments, lawn equipment, birdhouses, ladders, automotive tools, woodworking tools, and the list goes on and on."

  I find the garage sales odd too. Isn't she kind of old to dig through boxes and do a garage sale sell-off?   Hasn't she ever heard of a living estate sale? It seems ironic how someone so invested in stuff where "things" were everything is now handing it all out. Now all the stuff she spent so much money on, will end up in the scrapheap or some stranger's yard. Is that what it all has come to? All that effort she put into getting it, and now it ends up like this.

I confronted her at least a few times about her materialism and in on letter years ago when she told me I had nothing to show for my life, I told her in a letter, "It's not who dies with the most stuff wins!"

I have a weird attitude about "stuff".  I am not attached to things in a normal way.  I've been without many things before even a bed. It changes a person.  I do need some things to survive like my medical equipment and would cry if the art or stamp collection was lost,  but this idea of going through life, where belongings are where most of your meaning in life is focused on, is messed up.

Money is good to have, I can't deny that, for me having money would mean being able to help and see more people, security and the ability to procure more experiences but the idea of "stuff" is an interesting one to me. Too many things can be a burden. Materialism is a dead end. You can lose everything in this world even if you had it like that one neighbor of mine who got evicted. When you die all your stuff gets disbursed to the world or maybe a few heirs. One thing about materialists, the way they focus on all the stuff, they all act like they will live forever. When you get put in the nursing home almost all your things are taken away from you.

 What is the meaning of living for stuff and shopping? Where does it lead?  The suburban normative upper middle class life, always looked exhausting to me. Keeping track of all your junk and taking care of it takes a lot of time and energy. It's running on a hamster wheel to nowhere, even the narcissists hit a dead end sooner or later once their resources run out or they get too old.

Matthew 6:19-21

19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:

20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.



David Sedaris' Recent Admission about Tiffany

"On his sister Tiffany, who took her own life in 2013

My sister Tiffany was child number five. So she was the youngest girl and the second to the youngest child; there were six kids in the family.

It's interesting. Looking back over her life, my mom never really liked Tiffany very much. Tiffany was too much like my mother, and I remember that as a child almost ... I just thought, Ugh, wouldn't want to be Tiffany. ...

The rest of us should've said, "Mom, you need to do something about this, because that's not OK for you to treat somebody that way." But we never said that. We never called our mother on her behavior towards Tiffany. You think, You're 7, what are you going to do? But I wasn't always 7. I was 20 and I was 30. ... Tiffany had a lot of anger at us and a lot of it was really well-founded. We were adults, we could've said to our mother, "This isn't OK." ...

[Per Tiffany's wishes] nobody [from the family] went to the memorial service. Her ashes went to somebody that she had worked with once, and my sister Lisa called this woman and said, "Could we have just a thimble full to scatter in the ocean behind the beach house?" And the woman said, "No." I understand that. Tiffany didn't want us to have them. The woman was just honoring Tiffany's wishes."

David Sedaris On The Life-Altering And Mundane Pages Of His Old Diaries

I always wondered if he saw some of the Internet controversy about Tiffany, and how she was viewed. I wrote about how I believed Tiffany was a scapegoat some time ago.

In Defense of Tiffany Sedaris


Oddly the story of Tiffany resonates not only with myself removing the problems with drug addiction and time in an abusive boarding school but with that cousin I recently wrote about. Her life reminds me of what Tiffany went through too and she suffered the challenges of drug addiction.

Maybe some of the writings and videos on line got David Sedaris to think about a few things, I hope so.  I am glad he admitted her anger was well-founded, this validation well it's kind of late, but he at least admits that they betrayed her standing by as adults remaining silent as the abuse continued. 

Why do people stay so silent and why is the good will of narcissists always more important? These are questions that are hard to answer. I do hope he has found more understanding in what happened to his sister. I am no contact with my entire family now, and with a few, I heard the words of "regret" and admissions that my mother and others were abusive but no one ever spoke out for me. As their loyalties lied with the narcissists, many of us have no choice but to part ways from our entire family systems.

One cousin even wrote, "She still abuses you" which probably tells me that some mighty smear campaigns have been in the mix, but no one ever has spoken out in my entire life. Most scapegoats go through this, and adults who should know better, stay silent in the face of abuse.

Tiffany had some friends speak out for her after her death and the person they described was so different from how her family viewed her. This definitely would apply to most scapegoats from narcissistic families. Those who love us actually "see" us while the families only see what the narcissists want them to see. Hopefully David Sedaris is getting more insight into his upbringing and it's affects on the siblings including Tiffany.

Someone Who Agrees About Tiffany Sedaris