Friday, January 30, 2015
In the USA, you can't just be fat to get disability, but often over a certain size the co-morbidities are disabling enough. It looks like England is fattening up as much as America, though our problem here is worse. I do believe they are fattening up the populations worldwide, the so called obesity conspiracy and it goes far beyond just people becoming lazy sloths.
With the fat people healthy enough to work, most of them simply cannot be hired. I remember the hell I went through trying to get jobs when I was merely in the 200s and very active, this during the time when I walked three miles for FUN. I still was gaining weight though.
I do wish the show had some captions, I have a hard time hearing accents, but did the best I could, there are some ad interruptions.
I have noticed with this show new fat hatred growing in England where they produced this show and smug announcers express an less than under-stated disgust for the obese who are on the dole or the English version of disability. I fear a growing movement in America and Europe to throw the disabled in the gutter. Obviously it is horrifying to note that they see all obesity by choice. Sadly these opinions are growing here too.
The powers that be are increasing the BLAME THE POOR AND DISABLED rhetoric, and it is worsening. Sadly most normal people are buying the propaganda. This show I believe was produced to increase this in England and around the world. As more countries head into banker and politician caused economic troubles, the disabled and poor will be the first on the chopping block. It will happen here too.
I swelled up A LOT yesterday, I went to the eye doctor and then shopping at a Mexican market buying real food for 50 bucks that would last for some days and walking through a Lowe's to find something to unplug the drains. I cooked when I was home too. I can walk more then I used to be able to but it swells me up like a giant balloon. This is the hell I live, desiring activity but the body rebelling against it. I am in pain today from the swelling, my legs were wrapped and Flexitouched so they are holding out but I will have to lay down more of the day to "recover". No one could even imagine. I am still coping with the fact that this is "forever" for me and this disease is not curable. I am constantly frustrated with hunger pain and trying to balance activity levels with a body that can't take much.
Being fat and disabled can be a scary world. The condemnation is severe. "Why don't you just lose weight fatty?" I realized after going no contact that one of my mother's smear campaigns was telling people I was a disability malingerer and if I was really "disabled" instead of fat and lazy, that I'd already be dead. I realized to my horror, given even words of other relatives, this is how they have seen me for years. As a lazy "fat bum" who won't help herself. They didn't give a crap about me having severe PCOS or thyroid conditions or COPD or even the later lipedema diagnosis. Hey my mother pointed to my swelling legs circa 1998 and said, "You should do something about that!" as if I sat around and willed my legs to grow bigger. This is why that one cousin used my being disabled to attack me. I have no worries, my medical documentation is high and doctors support my disability but it shows the depth of the hatred I faced. I do fear it from strangers too. While I have lived in mostly polite small towns the last 15 years of my life, I know this growing hatred against the disabled, is something people in my position have to be mindful of.
While we had tens of thousands of centers for the drug addicts and alcoholics, there's only 5-6 rehabs in the entire nation for the severely obese and some of those are more nursing homes then rehabilitative. This tells me they know their treatment of obesity fails far more then it does for the drug addicts. Does this mean only a few of the fat are food addicts and something more is going on? Otherwise why 10s of thousands of centers for the addicts to controlled substances and so few for the obese? I almost put myself in a center in 2008, but realized one was more nursing home and also was told because I could still "walk", I'd be long down the waiting list.
That's an admission of some sort isn't it?
Some of the fat people want to work on the video and are healthy enough to do so.
On the video above, they show a woman with pet rats [6:15] that is more midsized obese where she admits that she has applied for more then 100 jobs. It bothers me that this is not questioned, as I wrote on another article, our jobs system is broken here and it looks like there too as anyone with a small difference now is thrown out of the running in the never ending "weed out" process. I was saddened to see someone who is less then 100lbs overweight seeing dangerous WLS as her only option.
Notice something about Amy the 18 year old? [8:00] She's taking the dog for walk. I walked all over until the weight stopped me and bet she does too. I tend to think while they mention eating some snack foods she has some neglected medical problem. Her breathing sounds horrible for someone for her age and even her size. I have terrible lung problems so not judging her but when she climbed the stairs, [19:48]I know something is wrong. I think she needs tested for sleep apnea. [21:10]
One thing I was thinking of this morning, is, in the old days did people gain weight so easily? Did it take so much time and effort not to be fat? People just lived and their bodies didn't turn on them the extent they do today. People's bodies didn't swell like they do now. Remember the thin people eat too. They don't have their bodies do that.
We see the engaged couple going to a weight loss meeting. We know how that goes. Weight Watchers massively failed me. I followed it and went out of my mind with cabbage soup. As I have talked about before I have so much INVOLUNTARY food reduction as of late with tons of accompanying painful hunger pain, why isn't it working to take weight off? I ate an apple for breakfast and its 10:10 am and hunger pain may force me to add some oatmeal to the apple.
Later I ate some cooked oatmeal--half a cup while writing this. I plan to eat a falafel sandwich with tomato and onion for lunch midafternoon. I seriously worrying about gaining weight when our food is too low which I know is irony of ironies, but when you are poor, and know food has to last a certain period of time, there is little for snacks or any free eating. You have to measure every bit of food. You have to plan. One chicken piece has to be used for vegetable and hominy soup on Saturday. I made burritos for dinner with black beans from scratch with cilantro and some avocado and took meat off a chicken leg and thigh to share between our burritos saving the other chicken piece for tonight. I saved rice for another meal. It takes a lot of energy.
While they make a big deal of the fat couple [Steve and Michelle] eating the gyro take away, one of the things I think about is how for the poor especially the limited income poor, meals out really is the only avenue of recreation open to them. Maybe I will post on this about how obesity is worsened by lack of recreational activities, because it does impact my life greatly. That said the judgments in Britain especially for fat people eating out is usually beyond the pale. How dare they! Sorry but thin people are eating gyros too. I think gyros are to be avoided. It is a food I had to give up, I used to allow myself a sandwich-gyro once every two months but it's kidney stone territory for me. Skinny people are eating them too and not dying of an occasional gyro.
I supposed if you are disabled and fat, you are not allowed to eat out.
The woman at the 14:16 mark, is the lady getting a gastric bypass's daughter but she is already worried about her weight. Remember thin is far thinner in Europe. Sadly both believe the false promises about weight loss surgery
Do you notice something about Michelle? She has to walk quiet extensively even to shop for one meal. All that exercise and she is still overweight? This reminds me when I was in Chicago still having my weight gain walking, walking between endless bus stops and just trying to shop. While I understand how this happened with lipedema today back then it brought me endless confusion. I had no car and literally had to move around all the time even just to survive. Even to just use a phone, since we didn't have one, I had to walk at least a quarter of a block. Back then I had to walk a whole Save-A Lot at near 700lbs. I like when Steve talks about how hard it is to afford clothes [26:56]. In Britain this would be even more difficult.
I notice with the lady getting the gastric bypass her fridge is nearly empty. It makes me wonder if her obesity was impacted with food insecurity as well. I am worried for her, the special foods and pureed stuff for weight loss surgery is expensive. I knew when I was investigating weight loss surgery I could not afford or manage all that. With Rutabaga, pumpkin, and chicken breasts in her fridge, she looks like she already eats healthy.
One stat stands out to me, they say 1 in 5 people in Scotland are unemployed. Think something may be wrong with the jobs system? I sure do. Not just there but here. Soon good jobs will become a thing for the upper classes while the lower live in one room flats or tiny-houses in America and Europe on the dole or welfare or low wage work. The suburbs will be the ghettos of tomorrow. What is 32 stone? 600lbs? Oh a stone is 14lbs. Amy is 448lbs.
When they show Steve walking downtown, [31:40] it shows the breathlessness that can happen to fat people when trying to do all that exercise we are told to do. Many thin people if they had to breathe that hard and have all the pain would be crying their eyes out. Steve does seem to have very affected stamina and other health conditions as well since earlier in the video they said he had a stroke.
Mrs. Johnson is right about benefits being too small to put the right food on the table. [34:21] Amy is very fat but eating what appears to be a normal portioned lunch of ONE sandwich and some chips. Her mother talks about having toast and a cheese sandwich. I often believe that obesity is a disease of malnutrition more and more. Our food has less nutrients in it. There were days I was eating a cheese sandwich--not grilled in my case and vegan cheese slices at 40 calories for meals because there was nothing else to eat.
Why is everyone sitting in the back at the wedding at Steve and Michelle's wedding? The relatives all look thin, angry and annoyed, one flashes daggers out of her eyes. [40:41]. I had relatives get snotty about me daring to marry at an advanced weight. Sadly as I watch Steve wheeze and get sick at his own wedding, I think of my ER visit on the night of my own for a leg infection which put me in the hospital for two weeks. I am beyond irritated by the relative who goes on about him losing weight. Look the man gets sicker as he pushes himself, how is weight loss supposed to come so naturally when to even to try and burn it off you'd be on the floor? He has other issues, he ended up with a blood clot on his lung and hospitalized for 9 days. I hope they can enjoy their marriage despite these challenges.
As I watched this show, I thought, WE ARE IN THE DARK AGES WHEN IT COMES TO OBESITY. They push weight loss that doesn't work. They don't assess different levels of hunger. They ignore the fact that exercise too affects overweight people differently. They ignore serious health problems such as respiratory disorders, blood clots and people who exercise and still do not lose weight. They see obesity as a CHOICE and it's that fact alone, that STUPIDITY REIGNS and people who are disabled and fat are even more oppressed.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
I watched this movie this afternoon, it definitely had funny moments. It's from 1980 when Dom DeLuise was on the scene and he was a funny comedian and he tells the story of being a lonely fat man raised in a very close-knit Italian Catholic family.
Like other fat comics, I always got the feeling Dom DeLuise had suffered for his weight and felt it barred him from further inclusion. What is ironic is while he was "fat" for 1980, today he barely would fit "portly", one can tell definitely the obesity standards have changed since those times. There are negative stereotypes about fat people in this movie, that they are always hungry, love snack food and go on food binges. While there are the eating disorder folks out there, in one scene Dom DeLuise's character eats 2 huge bags of Chinese food or 40 dollars worth. I have to admit that gave me an uneasy feeling since some of us have majorly suffered for those stereotypes. In the "Get the Honey" second video of one scene, Dom DeLuise has his Overeaters Anonymous group, "Chubby Checkers" come over to do an intervention while his girlfriend is missing. The group is starvation dieting drinking only hot water, which makes them even more food obsessed and in this case, they rip the locked up cupboards apart to get to the food. Well that is one bad thing about strict dieting, it makes hunger levels skyrocket.
I found two aspects really interesting when Dom figures out dating and having good times with his new love Lydia after a lifetime of no dates takes off weight naturally and when he tells his siblings, that they have to love and accept him just as he is, fat or not. That was a nice scene. When the Chubby Checkers get together and make themselves chant "Fat, Fat, Fat", I laughed, this reminded me of NAAFA when we were told to own the word FAT. Wasn't 1980 about the time they popped up?
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
A new food system via Bill and Melinda Gates? Yeah just wait til after they poison the lot of us, they will tell us when and what to eat. Soylent Green isn't too far away. Bill Gates will eat his organic lobster while you peasant get your green pellet and caloric limits depending on income.
More and more my opinion is, that many who get big fame sells out for it. Some more then others. You too Jamie Oliver? Of course Jaime Oliver's food looks like a dream. If I could eat what he cooks everyday it would help my health. However with him jumping on the GMO bandwagon, I am beyond disgusted too!
Check out Jamie Oliver's twitter, the fans are angry and they should be!
If you know more about Bill and Melinda Gates, this picture is a far scarier one. Here he is pushing that lie called "global warming", aka "climate change" during colder periods of weather and in the second video promoting "death panels".
Many people personally know GMOs get them sick and that Monsanto with it's Roundup controversies and more is a very wicked company. How did Jamie miss all this news and information or does he care? Will he listen to his fans or continue the global elite bootlicking? Why hasn't he heard of terminator seeds or about those third world farmers committing suicide because Monsanto controls all their seeds?
Many of us know GMOs make us instantly sick and hurt our digestion. This isn't just theory to our lives, this is impacting us today!
Monsanto GMO Corn Causes Weight Gain
Stand Against Monsanto
Monsanto's Corn Linked to Organ Failure
[yes I know I put up a cartoon for news breaks but planned this one yesterday :)]
Don't give up
In this proud land we grew up strong
We were wanted all along
I was taught to fight, taught to win
I never thought I could fail
No fight left or so it seems
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
Ive changed my face, Ive changed my name
But no one wants you when you lose
Dont give up
cos you have friends
Dont give up
Youre not beaten yet
Dont give up
I know you can make it good
Though I saw it all around
Never thought I could be affected
Thought that wed be the last to go
It is so strange the way things turn
Drove the night toward my home
The place that I was born, on the lakeside
As daylight broke, I saw the earth
The trees had burned down to the ground
Dont give up
You still have us
Dont give up
We dont need much of anything
Dont give up
cause somewhere theres a place
Where we belong
Rest your head
You worry too much
Its going to be alright
When times get rough
You can fall back on us
Dont give up
Please dont give up
got to walk out of here
I cant take anymore
Going to stand on that bridge
Keep my eyes down below
Whatever may come
And whatever may go
That rivers flowing
That rivers flowing
Moved on to another town
Tried hard to settle down
For every job, so many men
So many men no-one needs
Dont give up
cause you have friends
Dont give up
Youre not the only one
Dont give up
No reason to be ashamed
Dont give up
You still have us
Dont give up now
Were proud of who you are
Dont give up
You know its never been easy
Dont give up
cause I believe theres the a place
Theres a place where we belong
Monday, January 26, 2015
Saturday was food bank day.
Have you ever wondered who got together and thought that the poor should all eat corn flakes, cans of corn, tuna and macaroni and cheese? Our food pantries in my locale never heard of a fresh fruit or vegetable. Not in a million years. Even if you are allergic to cheese and fish, you still get a bag full of it like everyone else. At least I got them to exchange the nasty Froot-Loops for some decent corn flakes and got some cans of green beans.
We went to the monthly soup kitchen, that is held at this one church and ate some pasta with chicken and corn and salad, they also passed out cupcakes. The folks at this church are very nice and do not shame the poor whatsoever. I like them a lot. It wasn't a bad meal and if you wait until 1:00pm you can get leftovers and take them home for dinner or the next day. So Saturday which thankfully was warm enough for me not to be housebound was like charity day. We have a soup kitchen elsewhere in a neighboring town that serves daily but sadly like so many places like that, which we wouldn't mind using it's in a very bad neighborhood where going down there alone means taking your life in your hands.
We have been scrounging away. I made cabbage soup with turkey necks, and will be making black bean soup with some frozen chicken and rice from the freezer for tomorrow. I definitely am encroaching into my food, I consider the "emergency" meals, which is kind of scary and have been for the last week. Groceries have gotten so expensive. I laugh at dieting because when I read diet books or even Rachael Ray's Yum-O! cookbook which I probably got for a 1 or 2 dollars some months ago everything has a million ingredients. The carbs always go up when you are food insecure. I don't care how much broccoli you buy. Let the people who don't have to worry about involuntary calorie reduction try dieting for a change. There is a difference in feeling between refusing to eat snacks and simply not having the option.
I am stumped in how to change my circumstances. We did sell some ebay and such. The scary thing is he is working freelance and we are still so poor. They just don't pay him enough and the flu cut off 200 bucks last month. By the way, with the jobs in his field, they are far fewer in number they all pay the SAME EXACT salaries, they offered in 1999, when we moved for one of his newspaper jobs out of Chicago. However now, the health benefits are almost non existent for most. One guy told him at his newspaper their medical insurance was the same as Wal-Mart's which basically means useless. That is some of the secrets about our so called "booming" economy.
The bills are growing so high we as I have written before I feel crushed. I am talking about moving us into a disability apartment and getting on the waiting list, but not thrilled with the rules or if he makes more money we get punished for it but rent is so high now it's eating a great deal up of our money. We may have no other choice.
What scares me is things are this difficult even doing the pay bills by hierarchy formula. Rent, electric, insurance, medical, taxes and food. We have never blown the rent money on a shopping trip or faced a near-eviction. We try to be "responsible" but in this case it doesn't seem to work. Maybe life is this hard for most people and I didn't get a clue around the spoiled narcs. Could that be it? But there is something wrong when there is always more month then money. We are always planning ahead and in survival mode. We have decided we need to keep the grocery shopping at the ethnic stores 15 miles away and an area Mexican grocery store because the food lasts longer and the owners aren't out to gouge us like the main grocery stores.
We have made it a life-rule not to live with anyone. Some may say, "Why don't you two move in with one of his relatives, like his sister?". Some may say, "Why don't you find a friend to move in with to make it easier?". I have lived with friends in my 20s, and gone down that road. Aspies and especially very sick Aspies need privacy. I still remember the year I had to move in with my parents and what a nightmare that was as I struggled to graduate from college.
Another blogger wrote about what it is to be poor, and I wanted to share her words here. I definitely related to many of her words.
My Lifetime of Poverty
"Some people will tell you that there is no shame in being poor. Really? What planet are you on. Of course there is shame, even from the one who is supposed to love you. It makes you a low value person, very, very helpless and stupid. Let's be realistic here. Why didn't anyone actually connect to me? Why did they sit all happy and tell me that and ask me a huge list of invasive questions. Early on realized that you weren't allowed boundaries when your poor. "
There is a lot of shame in poverty. I am struggling with it immensely. At times I get brave and write about how I want to be above it all and how God will honor the poor but when push comes to shove, it is shame inducing and embarrassing. Poverty makes you angry. Poverty makes you see the long list of things you don't get to do. One thing that does happen is you plan to do stuff, "I want to visit ****, I want to see ****", and then you look back 5 years later and none of it happened.
I was showing this article to my husband while writing it, and he said to me, "Why should I feel ashamed when the game is totally crooked!" I noticed he has not internalized these things like me. Maybe he is better off in avoiding that! Hey I don't shame any poor people myself, I agree he is right in my head but my heart needs to learn it.
I am working on leaving the narc family mind games with poverty wishing a few breaks or at least peaceful steadiness would kick in. My brother showing off his $15,000 dollars worth of furniture got to be a bit much the other day. That must be some insecurity to show off your presents, your furniture to a sister on the lower rungs of the ladder but I know the sick crucible that was all boiled up in.
It's been sad having a life where poverty has affected for so long. I don't know how to make money or "hustle" or the things people do to bring in the cash. I have done things like tutor and sell the occasional painting for money in the past. Remember disabled people can make a little bit. The scary thing is without my husband, I would have been even poorer and not able to at least enjoy the 10 years of the more stable working class mode. We also have done everything from sell so many things from our apartment like records or books on ebay to collecting cans. He even sold ebay last week. If my husband sees a can he still picks it up. "Once a can man, always a can man" was the quip to this sentence.
I suppose one has to brush one's self off and tell themselves not to give up, keep walking. There is no other choice but do this. I am worried about my eyes and 7.9 A1C but I was very ill last month when I had the blood work done. My eyes could just be very dried out with the sinus pain. We try what we can. We have grown old but I found this poem the other day and it is MY LIFE:
Gwendolyn Brooks, 1917 - 2000
They eat beans mostly, this old yellow pair. Dinner is a casual affair. Plain chipware on a plain and creaking wood, Tin flatware. Two who are Mostly Good. Two who have lived their day, But keep on putting on their clothes And putting things away. And remembering . . . Remembering, with twinklings and twinges, As they lean over the beans in their rented back room that is full of beads and receipts and dolls and cloths, tobacco crumbs, vases and fringes.
I know I am fortunate not to bear this poverty alone and have someone in it for the long haul but it can get scary sometimes. I do believe ACONs who are scapegoats do get set up to fail. I have spent DECADES working on life skills I should have known far earlier. On the Afraid of My Shadow blog, she also wrote:
Let me tell you something. I met some real down to earth wonderful and actual poor people on line. These people had good educations too, but somehow we tend to walk around with holes in our gathering baskets. Unable to rise to the top. This was all caused by an abusive childhood. I realized right away I only loved my mother in theory, because I was supposed to. The real authentic me couldn't stand that creep.
I understand what she means by holes in the gathering baskets. I hope one day to plug mine up or reweave them and fix them.
See: The Wolf At the Door and Other Poverty Posts