Friday, April 29, 2016

Snoopy Museum Opens in Tokyo

Always wanted to see the Peanuts Museum in California, but this one looks great too.

Now They Want to Draft Women

House Defense Policy Bill Would Require Women to Register for the Draft.

By the way this was written by two Republican congressmen. There's no difference between the two parties of tyranny and globalism.

This is the absurdity of today's feminism taken to it's extreme.  "Everyone's equal" taken to brain numbing insanity. They deny the differences between men and women. You think the PTSD is bad on the men, just wait til the women see blood shed! I have PTSD from my child hood, seeing street crime and working with violent clients. For most women, combat seen in wars would utterly destroy them. I had nightmares for years from one stabbing where the police were there in time to save a life, so what would full blown combat do?

 Now let's add in the rape quotient, when women prisoners get captured and gang-raped or impregnated. What about the children they will be forced to leave behind? Many women to protect their lives, would pick the strongest American warrior to protect them and some may even prostitute themselves to do so. If they can't protect women serving in support roles from being raped in the military, how are they going to protect them out in the field or in combat? I hope some parents protest for the sake and future of their daughters. The stupid churches are  busy whining about a few rare transsexuals using a bathroom then standing up against their daughters being killed in globalist wars. I'm against the draft for men and women in general for those who want to send them to make profits for the bankers and play globalist policeman of the world.

The blood of women will be on Femi-Nazi hands. Women are supposed to be nurturers but I suppose in a sociopathic society they want that over with. Fighting men hand to hand combat? Most women are smaller then men.  I know even as a "big" woman who once was almost 6 feet tall, that even a far smaller man would beat me arm wrestling. I wasn't stupid, and knew men were stronger then me. Women do not have the same stamina for carrying equipment  over the long haul. Even Russia figured out that equalizing men and women like this as the same, didn't work. Sounds like the United States didn't get the memo.

Even some Marines are protesting. Decent honorable men with consciences know that if women accompanied them into combat, they would have to protect them. The sicko sociopaths would be the ones who have no natural inclination to protect women. Of course in this evil society, they want consciences destroyed. This is stupid social engineering. Remember when "liberals" used to be anti-war? I guess that's completely gutted too.

Not a Fan of Feminism.

Lipedema Can Be Life Threatening

Doctor Stutz lecturing on Lipedema...

"Lipedema Can Be Life-Threatening: Increased Rates of Suicide, Depression and Eating Disorders"

Stay away from diet-mongerers and abusers. That will help a Lipedemic's health and mental health. For all disabled people stay away from people who will abuse you telling you that special regiments, and diets will be cure alls. Nothing is good enough to those type of people so when you say you eat 1800 calories a day they will say it has to be 1200, and call you a liar. Some will say 1200 is too much  and you're a pig, and you must do Keto and starve yourself at 500 a day! Forgotten is how many Lipedemic women suffered under the lash of being called liars and being told to diet while being misdiagnosed even for decades. I am sure there are women in their graves now, who were abused and told to diet while not being diagnosed. I almost died of sepsis three times, during my younger years. So fat bigots can be murderers in a certain way.

There's many people out there abusing sick and vulnerable people. Some are doing it for profits. Some are narcissists declaring themselves self-appointed science experts lording over others. Sick people in narcissistic American society with it's liars and deceivers is not not easy place to be in. Some are people who have gotten eating disorders and been able to maintain them because they are not insulin resistant without passing out and dying and want to spread their toxicity on others. I feel for Lipedemics who may have eating disorders but I can't bear it. My body because of it's other problems cannot maintain an eating disorder. Following the pro-ana's for me means death. The Atkins diet laid me out flat in Chicago and created a hospital level anxiety attack, and visual problems.

I had enough of eating disorders in my toxic family.  When I was young, my mother once got angry at me when I was in the low 200s, for refusing to take little pink laxatives to lose weight. She does not have Lipedema but this definitely explained how she could eat out so much and not gain weight. This is a recent memory that has returned. It scares me that so much disordered eating is now promoted on SOME Lipedema health boards for the sake of being "thin". For low stage Lipedema women who do not have  high stage Lipo-Lymphedema where there is  body wide lymphedema, some may be able to lose  some weight but such advice for a higher stage woman is dangerous. They are not doing their bodies favors in the long run either.

 To stay alive this long, I have taken my own advice and done what is best for me. I will continue that. I need a Lymphedema super-specialist and an immunologist. They can put me in the hospital tomorrow if they want. My husband doesn't think they will put me in the hospital unless my infection grows worse. I can still walk. I can't imagine what the pain and suffering must be for the Lipedemic women who have lost all their mobility. Definitely the diet abuse has to be dialed up a few notches for people in that position. I'm scared I have not lost weight from the diabetes dialing down alone.

I fear for other Lipedemics who are in my severe category. I know I have lost so much from this disease. Some good people I know with Lipedema, are helpful and friendly and we admit those losses to each other without judgment. They understand me when I say I lost my career. Some others lost their families too especially if they were toxic. There are decent people who have been supportive that I have met but I am really worried about some of the messages out there in the Lipedemic world.
The doctor above warning about suicide, depression and eating disorders, I think is one of the good guys. He admits how some of the societal abuse is affecting women with Lipedema.

This disease is being adversely affected by fat bigotry and the lies of the diet industry. I am disappointed by what I encountered. One woman even attempted to shame me by telling me via an article I had gone deaf from "being fat" indirectly.  That's sick. They buy into this societies lies that everything is to be blamed on everyone being "lazy" and deciding to "overeat" and getting "diabetes" and refuse to see through the profit-making lies.

Sadly suffering people decide to eat their own far too often or when people are suffering and vulnerable, there's too many narcissists trying to get in on the game. I'm one of the few who has the guts to call out some of the garbage. The diet abuse needs to stop. The diet abuse of women with Lipedema and related conditions has created the issues with severe depression and eating disorders. It needs to stop. My disappointment at seeing it on health boards who say they are there to "help" Lipedemics, and those with Dercum's is immense.

Why Do These Lipedema and Dercum's Health boards Push Diets First?

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

The Hover Camera Will Follow You and Record Your Life

The Hover camera if it had a sentient mind, would probably die of boredom today, I got a leg infection so I'm laying in bed. Hopefully it will stay a mild one but I had to go on antibiotics and make sure I tell the diet queens and fix it types to shove off for good.

Would the Hover camera follow you into a toilet? The Hover camera could capture me taking pills and using my nebulizer. Do people really think that their daily lives are so exciting that they need some camera following everywhere? Maybe this would be good for vacation but aren't vacation photos boring after a certain point. The more artistic can make a few choice ones look good, but there's endless videos and Google Earth to look at stuff.

 I was sitting on the couch last night shivering with a fever, and saw the Duggars Counting On show, and they showed them packing and doing all this boring stuff, and thought, "Why am I watching this?" All those girls are just alike. They don't have one independent thought in their head. I used to be a homeschooling supporter until I saw how a dearth of schooling can form minds that don't even know basics. I think their endless life under the camera killed their individuality.

Living with narc parents we can feel like we are on display and tested and judged every minute. We were always under the camera and told to think about how we were seen. Everything was appearances. I'm unraveling that knot of the "measure up or else" and trying to play more JADE. Who's judging us but God but human beings are so eager for their lives to be judged. Whose the film for? It reminds me of the Jack Chick track where the sinner has the angels on Judgment Day showing a movie of all his sins and he never got born again, and definitely the conscience got thrown on the scrapheap so no Romans 2 was going to serve as a get-out clause, and it was a movie screen of his life. Why did this camera remind me of that?

                                                 Jack Chick

So God watches us but now we watch ourselves too?

If I had a Hover Camera, it would be like a 600lb life episode without all the pigging out they show on that show, look it's Peep eating salad for lunch and some eggs for breakfast and without the gross surgery and troll-looking doctor shaming me for being fat. What would those viewing the video from the Hover camera think of some of my personal conversations, which can include everything from conspiracy theory to wishing Better Call Saul was more then 10 shows a season, and questions about God? The Hover camera would see some woman reading a lot who is really bad at housework and has to spend endless time on medical junk. It would show my bad temper as well as me joking with my husband. I think Hover Camera's are a bad idea. It reminds me of 1984 too. Where the screen is always watching Winston. I feel like they are brainwashing us to love all the surveillance. Now you can take the camera with you. 

What is wrong with people nowadays? It's like to exist you have to be recorded. Society kind of weirds me out now, like we are all having a contest run with our lives, where the life is supposed to resemble the TV commercials and they have put us all on a permanent Truman show. There's a reason I don't show pictures of myself on this blog, it's better to let people use their imaginations for something.

Wooden Projects

I found this guy's videos on Facebook. Love the wooden purses and wouldn't mind one. He looks like he can make anything out of wood!

Why Art Matters in Poverty

Why Art Matters in Poverty

Found this article interesting. I made bookshelfs out of cardboard boxes on my hospital bed. This is the land of duct tape and jerry-rigging things. I have done things like cut out pictures and make collages on the wall and used to love decorating apartments on the cheap when there was more energy in my body.

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Beware Trojan Horses

Did My Mother Send a Spy?


A Statement that resonated with me:

"You can't repair a relationship that never existed."

This definitely applies to narcissists and others we go no contact from. I asked myself did a good relationship ever exist with any of the narcissists I went no contact from and the answer was a flat out "NO". All ACONS even if they hit the door and run and go NC, there is that thought inside of "fixing things". The entire world puts the pressure on for people to repair relationships with the name mother, sister, brother, cousin, uncle attached. What if a relationship never existed in the first place? We desired love from people who never gave us one hug in their entire life? The ideal fantasies reign in people's minds where reality is something else altogether. SGs especially realize they were never known, they were only labeled and put in the corner. 

Friday, April 22, 2016

Cropping Out All the Sadness

"Everyone on the internet? They're not having as great a time as you think they are." "I guess people are just cropping out all the sadness."

Something to remember when on Facebook!

On the Lake

A painting from 2007, sorry not as crisp image as I want but I snipped it out of an old photo.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Prince Died

Prince Died.

Being world-famous isn't too good for your health. It seems it is the surest way to die at a very young age.  I used to be into Prince in high school. When Doves Cry was my favorite song back then. I wonder if Prince was singing about his own upbringing while pursing a lover in this song?

    "Dig if you will the picture
    Of you and I engaged in a kiss
    The sweat of your body covers me
    Can you my darling
    Can you picture this?
    Dream if you can a courtyard
    An ocean of violets in bloom
    Animals strike curious poses
    They feel the heat
    The heat between me and you
    How can you just leave me standing?
    Alone in a world that's so cold? (So cold)
    Maybe I'm just too demanding
    Maybe I'm just like my father too bold
    Maybe you're just like my mother
    She's never satisfied (She's never satisfied)
    Why do we scream at each other
    This is what it sounds like
    When doves cry
    Touch if you will my stomach
    Feel how it trembles inside
    You've got the butterflies all tied up
    Don't make me chase you
    Even doves have pride
    How can you just leave me standing?"

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Don't Fall For It Jimmy!

Jimmy's a con man on Better Call Saul but at this stage of the show, he has some conscience, a conscience that tells him to "help" his brother, who seems to be a high functioning narcissist or sociopath perfecting the art of "screwing others" over.

It's sad to watch Jimmy's character always bending over backwards to help Chuck, even refusing to get Chuck committed for his severe mental problems which includes avoiding all electricity and covering himself and his house in tin foil to keep out the electrical and radio waves as Chuck does everything to undermind him and his girlfriend Kim Wexler. In this scene, Chuck gets Jimmy to confess to fraud, pretending to be sicker, crazier and like he has "given up".

Sadly for wicked people like this, the fact of conscience in another can be the "weak" point they exploit. Chuck probably even faked having catonia for 20 hours! That's pretty hard core. Watching this show can be interesting lessons on how human evil operates. Breaking Bad definitely was a show showing a man descending into full blown sociopathy.

Why Do These Lipedema/Dercum Health Boards Push Diets First?

Here's some UNWANTED diet advice I got on a Lipedemia/Dercum's Health board I'll leave unnamed. I'm staying away from these places now because as I struggle with this body, the last thing I need is more of the same blame and shame nonsense.  I am in pain today too and fearful of weight gains--it may have been fluids from being extra busy for about a week, so this was the last thing I was in the mood for. Some of the diet advice seems to contradict. Do you all notice this too?

Well, I feel that I have to answer this point. I too, have dieted all my life and exercised until pure physical exhaustion. But, I have dieted properly and with no luck at all. But arriving on a new page, where there are plenty of people in the same situation, and who have actually arrived at a solution to that very problem, I would feel that it was a good thing to look at. Your weight and health problems will never go away by ignoring them and it takes a constant and healthy approach to dieting to lose any weight at all.

I too, was really astonished by this method of losing weight, as it goes against all my training as a Nurse, but it works and so many people have been here to witness that it works. What is killing us all is sugar. And all the carbohydrates full of chemicals in them........... We all need to eat what is best for our condition. At 400lbs, you need to lose weight and I would suggest that you take the time to look and even try that way of eating to see if it helps you rather than somewhat rejecting the solution before even reading about it.

I pass for 400lbs in my photographs. Guess that's a benefit. I always weighed around 100 more then I look.

Maybe some of them should take up jobs for Atkins and join Marie Osmond and pals...[maybe I have the wrong star]

On all of these pages, we all discuss diets, what works for one, will not necessarily work for another. But we always talk about them. If you refuse to even listen to those who have lost 100 lbs and more, that is being silly. 

This is the first diet I have seen in more than thirty years which has worked for morbidly obese people, so it works. Obviously if you have tried all the dieting fads over the years, then you have not really been dieting and eating healthily. Losing weight entails a change of life choices and if you are not willing to make those choices, then you will just stay the way you are. 

If diets worked would there be any fat people around? Isn't that same promise made with every new diet?

I sometimes wonder if they have diet and status quo types on rare obesity condition boards, the status quo cannot afford to have the diets questioned, or that there are people gaining hundreds of pounds from medical conditions.  The reality of Lipedema and Dercum's alone turns their obesity lies on their head, so what better then telling the "medical condition" cases to shut up and diet! These types give the same answers as the last 40 years. How do you say to a person who lost 250lbs at one point even if most of it was medically oriented, "You don't know how to lose weight?"

Nobody is shaming you so please do not start feeling sorry for yourself. Here, we have all been on diets and heard doctors tell us that it is all our fault...... I have heard it now for fifty five years and it still happens today. But with diabetes, you need to be extra careful about your diet and complex carbs are very good. Atkins is not LCHF and vice versa...... There are many things to be taken into account and it really does depend on life choices.

 Doctors do not understand that our Adipose Disorders do not react to the same diets as they want us all on....... BUT WE DO!! We have all been there with you!!! You sound so determined to remain in your own little world of no changes, no help from others like you...... it is a real shame and I feel very sorry that you do not want advice, because we all came here for advice and thank goodness that some people have made all this information available due to their own experience and hard work. You really need to get a hold of this problem and listen to what has really helped others in the same situation.......They are not doctors but if they have lost 200 lbs, they are doing Something right. 

Until she suggested a lymphedema specialist, there was no new advice outside of GO DIET and eat NO CARBS and ATKINS advice. Atkins was disproven 25 years ago. I attempted Atkins in the 1990s and one time later. Yes diabetics and women with PCOS have to keep away from sugars, simple carbs and white flour. Healthy fats are good. I was new to the board so she knew nothing of a "world of no change". I was judged simply on size alone. Are some of these people getting kick-backs from the diet companies? One other person advertised direct links there.

I know exactly what you are saying, but you are not listening to me. On this page especially, we all talk about the different ways we have circumvented the doctors who repeat non stop that we need to lose weight. I heard it again last week!! I have Dercum's Disease and have had it for fifty odd years, so tell me about the lipomas growing out of control, I am an expert!! But to get a handle on our health problems you still need to address eating, whatever it is you choose to eat. Dercum's Disease does make you put on weight, there is no doubt, but once you find a diet which allows you to remain at what I would call "your average DD weight", you do not really go up or down, no matter what you eat. If you say that you can lose 50 lbs this week then it is all fluid, it is not fat. You need to see a Lymphoedema Specialist. Nobody in this world loses fat at that rate - never!

I feel for any high stage Lipedema/Dercum's people going to any of these boards. The fat shaming and extreme diet talk are never ending. Some people on the board did defend me. The woman who shouted me down looked like she weighed around 150lbs. She never has been super-sized from what I can tell and is obviously a far lower stage person without the affects of Lipo-lymphedema.

There are women like me and even in worse shape who are bedbound and who can't walk at all. If these boards are that awful to semi-mobile me, how bad would they be to someone like that?

I'm tired of judgmental jerks.

The "eat their own" health boards suck where the low stages and successful dieters beat up on the high stage people and those of us who struggle in weight loss despite our healthy eating are a nightmare.  Getting away from the narcissists I'm done making excuses just for existing, and well, it's the same with this body now too. Their diets failed me. Of course they will tell me "Oh you didn't try hard enough" and other nonsense. Well I will be avoiding these places. They are triggering. Some support boards can work but they are few and far between. These are diseases that will remain in the pit under the diet industry juggernaut.

People with Lipedema and Dercums often go undiagnosed for years like me when they were told to go "diet" for their growing legs, lobes and lipomas. Hearing this same garbage [I have nothing against healthy eating discussions] is abysmal. These women are actually working against true treatment of these diseases with their diet industry brainwashing and dreams. 

The False Shame of Fat Women Affects Lipedema out for support boards on Facebook, there's a few good ones, but it seems many of the ACON boards were run by narcissists and the Lipedema ones run by Diet-Dealers.  In the other article I wrote about women bragging about weight loss and eating 500 calories 4 days a week.

Monday, April 18, 2016

Why Did Gyms Get Rid of Equipment Like This?

Consider the fact this would have gotten the lymphatic system moving. Remember these sort of machines were seen as effective for weight loss back then, so what happened? They all disappeared.

 Even for thin people, the people of the 1940s are smaller and trimmer. What happened to average American people to get so much fatter? Look at a 1950s cookbook sometime, they are eating lots of meat, macaroni and cheese and more. They are not starving themselves on lettuce leaves and carrot sticks.

I have to avoid the diet dream health boards who ignore the reality of advanced stage Lipo-Lymphedema and how some of us are really swelling up with massive fluids.

How Much Severe Obesity is Actually Swollen With Fluids?

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Spring Has Sprung Again

                                                                   Picture by Peep

Things they need to quit saying....

I have heard all of them. Disabled people will be told too, "You need to volunteer or you need to make yourself useful" and others will also demand that you be an "inspiration" to others and always bear your health problems with endless bravery and smiles. That can be a giant burden the disabled or otherwise chronically ill bear. We were not put on earth to serve as other's narcissistic supply. We are people in our own right with the right to have the best lives we can muster.

I've had some give me the fantasy scenarios, "you don't have to be on disability" as if the world will line up to pay someone for reading books in bed, or my next painting will sell for a million bucks. This is judgment disabled people do not need.

This is the kind of stuff where it'd be better if they just kept their mouths shut! JADE can apply to physical disabilities as well. When sick and disabled, we need to find empathetic people in our lives who love and care about us. Being a disabled ACON, there is freedom even health wise, knowing the days of trying to impress and trying to make up for being disabled in the first place are now over with.

Thursday, April 14, 2016


Disability Advocacy

I went to a seminar on disability advocacy and it had some good pointers. I may have to advocate for Para-transit services and to get some glasses.  Maybe we can keep our car running so I wouldn't be dependent on the bus, but I want to start using the community transportation services more during the day to get out more during times I am not housebound. I am legal to drive but because of my legs it is now super-limited. This would enable me to go do things without needing my husband to drive me.

 It interesting hearing the hints on self-advocacy and advocating for a group.  I realized this blog fits a "group advocacy" approach for different groups, fat people, Aspies, Lipedemics, ACONs and others. The word advocate means to speak and take actions in favor of a cause or issue. Well many causes are very important to me from fat people being treated well, to ACONs and others being free of abuse in their lives.

Advocacy is something most disabled people have had to do to manage in life. Some things I had succeeded on like finding a program for my dental work, and also for my hearing aids. One positive of this community is there are more resources. My life has changed a lot since I got the hearing aids last year, in terms of functioning and being able to talk to people. Disabled people also should learn the different laws that do support them, like the Americans with Disabilities Act, the Open Meetings Act and the Freedom of Information Act and to know what their exact rights are.  In my case, I have been accommodated most places I've asked, living in a smaller town people don't protest getting me benches and other things like at a church community meeting I went to. It can help to talk to others too. In my case, I had people share some concerns about the transportation system and give me some pointers on how to figure the system out.

There were times however I have not self-advocated in the past like when I encountered groups that met up or down stairs and who refused to move when asked nicely to another meeting venue. ACONS who are disabled are not used to getting their needs met and it can be hard sometimes to confront others and say "I can't hear you." or "I need another chair" or "Can the meeting be moved, I can't climb flights of stairs?". In my case, the kind of life I've had has forced more independence, there are people who are in my shape who live in group homes and the nursing home but it's been such that as I got older, I did have to learn to speak up for myself even for the sake of survival.  It is important for disabled people to be taught how to advocate for themselves and others.

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Expectations of Narcissists and More

Hmmm what were/are the expectations?

Family: I am supposed to make 6 figures plus a year and be a super-lawyer or accountant and have three children, own a Mercedes Benz, a large 4 bedroom plus suburban home and weigh around 115lbs or under. 130lbs would be "too fat". I am supposed to have no feelings, squelch any conscience to make a buck,  reject being an art teacher, have short hair, dress butch, be cleaner and neater then Martha Stewart and do everything my mother told me to do and be another Mini-Me.

Health Boards: I am supposed to starve myself and go on constant fasts. One recent board I don't plan to post on anymore suggested eating less then 500 calories 4 days a week. To stop being 500lbs, I should do everything possible to lose weight and starve myself even if the hunger pain is unyielding. I should eat Keto and give up all carbs. I am supposed to exercise every minute.

 My claims that I pass out from Adkins and diets like that is extreme and means I am a "special" person, that does not fit the norm. My entire life should be dedicated to how I look and what I weigh and "fitting into mainstream society". I am supposed to have tens of thousands of dollars for liposuction, specialized customized compression and trips to various seminars.

Present day Doctor: I am supposed to keep track of dozens of prescriptions and never make a mistake on anything.

Diabetes: I am supposed to take endless blood sugars, and never eat anything besides vegetables and measure all carbs compulsively. My fasting blood sugars must always remain from 100-110 points. I should cook all "clean" foods for hours a day.

Various Narcs "Frenemies" I kicked to the curb:   I must never complain and definitely censor complaining blog posts, art and more. My art must all be positive and bright and bring cheer and make tons of money. I must lose weight or be working on it or be apologetic for my very existence.

I must volunteer constantly and be in service to others every second and work my way to heaven proving myself to be a good person. I must be cleaner and have thousands of dollars to have my apartment painted and buy new furniture and new clothes.  I must be a "disabled inspiration" that brings joy to others and be a smiling cipher who never protests and votes Republican. I must "get a job" and get my lazy self off disability. I am not to share any religious or political opinions they find offensive and if they reject Christianity I am supposed too as well. I am supposed to be positive and an inspiration and bear all things with sweet compliance and not argue with doctors or anyone else or make demands for decent treatment. I am supposed to think a certain way and get my brain in order. My controversial opinions about size acceptance and politics need tampered down. I am supposed to not complain while listening to their complaints. I am supposed to be available on the phone day or night even 8 times a day when it came to one of them.

Church I left: I was supposed to give ten percent of my income, and dress like Michelle Duggar, and always be smiling and positive. I was supposed to vote Republican and rant against 'lazy deadbeats" on welfare and support the troops without murmur. I must always listen to the pastor and his extraordinary wisdom and never talk about anything too deep. I was supposed to be middle class or above, drive a nice car and have a fully employed husband at a high paying job. I am supposed to only care about housekeeping and cooking and not read too much.

Size Acceptance Ideologues: I am supposed to not write or talk about how being fat is hard on a physical or other basis. I am supposed to embrace HAES and not worry about weight gain. I am to keep my theories to myself about the real causes of obesity and demand for real answers and help. I am to conform to the herd otherwise I deserve banning and isolation. My blog should be like Ragen Chastains where I write about going on marathons and how healthy I am at around 500lbs. I should preach accept your body, and not complain about being scared of not being able to walk, diabetes or other com-morbidities of obesity.

Obviously I did not meet these expectations nor do I want to. One odd result of going NC for an ACON, is you start taking a look at the demands people make of you. You tell yourself in your head, "I am going to do what I want now". "I am going to paint, write, and say what I want!" and not censor myself constantly. Walking on eggshells through life stinks, where you feel like you have to hide yourself to be "acceptable".  Expectations can form a prison cell, even a prison cell of depression when there are expectations and demands that are impossible but then I think often they are designed to be impossible. One cell block I have to break out of is the people please mode. Part of me has realized lately, I am going to piss a lot of people off just being who I am and the things I felt led to write about and make a stand against. I have to be me.

Narcissists get a high off criticizing people and making impossible demands. I think about the ones who were far from perfect who served as judge and jury over me and always trying to tell me what to do, say and be. Narcissists use criticism, impossible demands, blame and shame to control people and distract from their own failings.

A Reminder

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Beverly Cleary Turns 100

Her children's books are great, I loved Ramona especially when I was young and read each and every one.


Now I tell myself consider the source. People who have never published one word on line or had one piece of art work in their life anywhere to be shown, need to shut up. One thing about narcissists is their never ending criticism. I was thinking about criticism today and think once facet of narcissistic American society is how everything is a competition and a "measuring up" and how many are ready to tell people they are falling short.

Finger Painting with Oils

Now This is Just Denial

                               [seen on Fat Logic]

We need help and real answers for fat people not denial. Life at 400-500lbs plus is painful and hard. 600lbs your body is definitely breaking down. It is not possible to be healthy and weight 600lbs. I have weighed all the way up to near 700lbs and I personally know.

Walk in My Shoes

I got this from Mulderfan:

Walk in My Shoes!
“You don’t live in my body. You don’t experience the struggles and wounds it carries. You don’t wake up every day with my thoughts and you don’t go to bed every night with my demons. You don’t know the burdens they impose or the distress and weight of the feelings they generate. As someone who is not me, you know very little about what it’s like to experience my reality — so you don’t get to dictate what should and shouldn’t be difficult for me. You don’t get to determine my needs and capabilities, and you sure as hell don’t get to decide the validity of my boundaries and self-care. I am the expert of my life. If I struggle with something, then I struggle with it. My experience isn’t right or wrong. It just is, and it’s mine — a fact that that makes my struggles real and true and valid. Your abilities and opinions are irrelevant in regards to my own. There is nothing wrong with me. I’m not weak or inadequate for struggling with things you don’t personally find challenging. And I’m no longer going to compromise myself to accommodate your narrow perception of human experiences. I know who I am and what I’m capable of. I know my limits and needs. And I know that I deserve better than someone who tries to convince me to abandon the things I need to take care of myself."~Daniell Koepke of Internal Acceptance Movement

We live in such a judgmental society, it seems to never end. People are told who to be, what to think, how to do things and often the expectations are impossible or do not fit our circumstances whatsoever.  I tell myself, "I'll be who I am irregardless". Some people want you to sell out to the system like they have.