Friday, April 22, 2016

Cropping Out All the Sadness

"Everyone on the internet? They're not having as great a time as you think they are." "I guess people are just cropping out all the sadness."

Something to remember when on Facebook!


  1. I have a bad habit of posting things at night after my energy level go's up and waking up the next day and wishing I hadn't. I can pull stuff off my blog but my words are still on other blogs waiting to haunt me the next morning. But if you see me all chatty know that it's because I am feeling well. Something I am in short supply of these days.

    1. Seeing one picture I wish you had left the latest up, it looked like a funny cartoon that was very applicable. I get in more chatty moods too where I post more. Glad when you are feeling better to post more, sorry that comes in short supply lately :( There's stuff I've edited off here too!

  2. Crop out all the sociopaths.

  3. I do see a danger of the internet is that it can turn people into mediocrity. Just like watching the news, it gets people scared stupid. So and so follows the crowd, and don't you dare be any different. I hope that makes sense.

    1. Agree with that. It seems people are becoming more alike. There is the mainstream of the internet too.

  4. Hi Peeps,
    Speaking of the internet, I was wondering if anyone on here has tried or followed Melanie Tonya Evans, an Australian radio host and proclaimed "expert" on narc abuse? I first came upon her on the internet this past January. She claims we will never move on from this until we heal our inner childhood wounds that make us vulnerable in the first place. I receive nearly an email a day from her since going on to her website, but I have not endeavored to "do" her "Thriver" method, because my brother passed away in January and I have been left picking up the pieces of his unexpected narc abuse! So, I just haven't been up to it, but I am ready "sick and tired of wallowing" to pick myself up and dust myself off. Was just wondering if anyone had anything to input about her program.

    1. I've heard her name before and probably have glanced at her website. I agree about the difficulty of healing the inner childhood wounds. What is the thriver method about?

      Sorry about your brother dying and his narc abuse of you.

      This is something I have had to teach myself is you can't go to your abusers to heal you. You can't force people to do anything they do not want to do. The ACON can get trapped in the world of "if only"; losing the whole family despite my best efforts I have to remind myself time and time again, there is no more trying to reach out or talk this out. I beat myself over the head with one way relationships for years. Even with the aunt that died, I sent her gifts, phonecalls, and letters that were all ignored.

      I looked her program up described on Facebook:

      here are two ways to try to heal from narcissistic abuse ..
      The first is to try to deal with the symptoms of the abuse and the pain of what is happening right now ... which doesn't address the problem at the core level.
      The results of this method can be seen in any standard Abuse Forum.
      The second method is to understand that the powerless, helpless and agonising ways we are feeling are due to very young unhealed wounds within us - that the narcissist has been able to find and hit hard.
      The parts of us that were struggling to somatically know and anchor into being our own source of love, approval and / or security.
      Because these are fully activated (we may not have known before this time that they even existed!), we feel as powerless and as hurt as a child ... and cling to or try to force this person to take better care of us. Just as unconsciously / automatically as we would "a parent" when were "a child".
      The second method - the Thriver Method - is to come inside our own body, go directly to these wounds and heal and up-level them ourselves.
      Then we no longer feel the powerless agony, and we become adults in our bodies in our power who can create boundaries and leave ...
      ... without the pain, without the regret, without the addiction and without such intense fallout.
      This inner connection is our way home - it is where we grow up and get in our authentic power and create true Thriver Recovery, in ways and time frames we were previously told were not possible.
      Yesterday and today in the 3 Keys Webinar Group we are workshopping this exact principle - where people are discovering for the first time how powerful it is to to STOP trying to make the narcissist fix the terror and pain, and to turn inward to self-partner and up-level it ourselves - with specific processes that work.
      If this is what you have been going through, you can join us here:
      ‪#‎narcissisticabuserecovery‬ ‪#‎recoveryfromnarcissisticabuse‬
      Much Love xo heart emoticon

    2. She's on to something here...

      "ow can I not when that was the ONE orientation which saved my life?

      This is what I know as a result of living my previous life in the victim orientation: every moment we spend reliant on the outcome of trying to force and get reform and atonement from unconscious people, who have no inclination to reform and atone their ways, is another moment we are denying ourselves our own healing, breakthrough and recovery from abuse.

      A recovery which MUST be independent of whatever the abuser does or does not choose to do, in order for it to be real and empowered.

      In fact, recovery HAS to self-generated and non-reliant, because the absolute truth is this …

      We have NO power over what anyone other than ourselves does or doesn’t choose for their own lives … let alone ours.

      And … as soon as we make the state of our self-love, self-approval, security and survival dependent on what another person is or isn’t granting us, we will hold them responsible for our life and DANGEROUSLY forgo that responsibility to ourselves.

      This is the definition of personal powerlessness which leads us to be susceptible to being abused – point blank; and truly these are some of the deepest reasons in regard to our original emotional formative years that led us unconsciously into abusive situations in the first place.

      - See more at:"

      Some thoughts I have lately is "it's my life" and "I'll do what I want" and "Who are you to judge?" There is a self defining process an ACON needs to go through who has gone NC. I even compared my values to my families which do not match.

      We weren't taught to stand alone and strong even if we were alone. Hope that one makes sense.

      Even with the money thing to buck up, I had to think even if the worse happens who am I trying to impress? There's no more gloating eyes, I walked away from them.

      Now personality responsiblity some have used as a hammer--like fat people being told to go starve themselves but I see her using it in a positive way that you aren't depending on others to get through the day.

      I'm retraining myself now to get through the day knowing I can just be me and don't need to defend myself to anyone. There's times I want to tell them what's what but they aren't the boss of my life, I am. I hate to make it sound so blunt, but the thought is "I'll do what I want to do" [in my case within God's will hopefully] but not bossed around and directed by wicked people who do not have my best interests at heart. One revelation that came later as an Aspie which may sound strange, is realizing everyone is self interested, this is not a bad thing but its kind of like my message I've said to people to help, "If you are not going to take care of yourself who else is going to do it?"

  5. Hi Peeps,
    Thanks for looking into to all that and getting back here, it was really kind of you. It's funny, what she says looks so much better on your background! I guess because this is one of my main "go-to" places for comfort these days ... thank you for that! I'm glad to hear you think perhaps she is on to something, which is the way I felt too ... just not quite ready for the whole thing yet. I hope I will be soon, have just been dealing with the aftermath here in my own life. I mean, my immediate surroundings at this point, of course. I have dealt with all my "have to's," all along, which seem to be mainly responsibilities to others, but have not made myself a priority yet, in the aftermath, which is precisely what you mention in your last line with, "If you don't take care of you, who will?". You are so right!
    Thanks for that, Michelle