"You can't repair a relationship that never existed."
This definitely applies to narcissists and others we go no contact from. I asked myself did a good relationship ever exist with any of the narcissists I went no contact from and the answer was a flat out "NO". All ACONS even if they hit the door and run and go NC, there is that thought inside of "fixing things". The entire world puts the pressure on for people to repair relationships with the name mother, sister, brother, cousin, uncle attached. What if a relationship never existed in the first place? We desired love from people who never gave us one hug in their entire life? The ideal fantasies reign in people's minds where reality is something else altogether. SGs especially realize they were never known, they were only labeled and put in the corner.
I was the Golden Child between me and my sister. Which really is just forestalling the inevitable. I now call myself the scapegoat of last resort. Some where I suffered from the delusion that her saving me for last meant she thought more of me than she really did. In the end she treated me with as much disregard as anyone else. But I was thin skinned because I thought I might have mattered to her.
ReplyDeleteI've heard of the role switching back and forth and even in my family, sometimes it would flip flop between my brother and sister though GC moments for my brother were far rarer. They will change a former GC into a scapegoat if the SG clears out. I too suffered from the delusion thinking I mattered to a point. LOL At least I have no doubts now to what depths I was disregarded too. They aren't attached to anyone. People are just tools to them.
DeleteMy memories are so scattered. I remember we had horses, we had skidoos, we had gatherings, then I remember the screaming, the yelling, and abuse. I drank the last green pop in the pop case, and I was called names over it, not knowing what I did was wrong. In those days, you had to figure it out first, then act. I was always in the wrong.
ReplyDeleteI miss the horses, the skidoos, the gatherings, and sometimes that's all I remember. Then I want to go back there, but there was nothing there to begin with.
Oh my this sounds like a poem, lol, and I just thought of it just like that.
Thats okay all poems welcomed. I had fun with friends like 4 square, riding my bike and my own time hanging out in the woods, but yeah all the screaming and yelling cast a pall. I remember things being friendlier outside of the abusive narcs then they are now.
DeleteI watch horror movies and nice shows at the same time, I think this is just normal. lol
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