Does Fat Mean Being Stared At?

Overweight woman photographs strangers staring at her

An obese woman has captured the cruel looks and stares she attracts in public by photographing herself in different social settings. Haley Morris-Cafiero, 37, an artist from Memphis, Tennessee, is seen sitting in restaurants, out shopping and strolling around bustling tourist attractions such as Times Square while curious passers-by are captured in the background. 

Talking about the revealing collection of images she writes on her website: 'I have always been aware of people making faces, commenting and laughing at me about my size.' She admits that her weight has been a constant battle and growing up she often felt 'left out and awkward'. Instead of talking about her body she refers to 'my uncontrollable exterior'. 

On the subject of her eating habits she told MailOnline: 'My biggest temptation has to be donuts. They contain all of the caloric evils in one round, portable container: fried, bread and sugar,' Explaining what inspired her picture series titled Wait Watchers, she said: 'I decided to photograph myself sitting alone on the Times Square stairs to capture my solitude in a busy crowd.

I'm not so sure about this. What if the people were looking at her getting her picture taken? Was the camera even hidden? If it wasn't you are not going to get a fair look, people are going to wonder why the camera is there? In my area of the country, she is not that fat, she is not exceptional, she would blur into the background mostly. Even in the picture above, the woman in the plaid coat is near her size.

She does seem kind of awkward, that alone can attract people's attention. Don't take this wrong, I think fat people have the right to dress badly as everyone else and be left in peace, but I found myself thinking, if I was that size and with the wide variety of clothes in size 18-20, the size I am guessing she wears, I'd be dressed a whole lot better. Clothing comes near and dear for us super-sized folks. She seems to dress "young" for her age. Hope folks don't get upset with me for saying that, maybe I have this personal bugaboo about fat women who dress so down almost reinforcing the role they are expected to play. Rebel a bit, and allow yourself some style.

That may be more about "me", but I found myself thinking and feeling guilty about it, "Why are you dressed so badly, why are you wearing red shoes with the primary colors blue and green!- Fashion alert!" Remember I am poor myself and probably break endless fashion rules, but that one bugged me. She dresses like she is still a teen. Clinton and Stacy could have a field day on "What Not To Wear". I wish she would buy herself a pretty dress and a nice necklace to wear or even something that she is COMFORTABLE in wearing.

Anyhow, one other thing I thought, is "YOU ARE BARELY FAT!" Ok, she isn't svelte, but I could go to the local Wal-mart and find 10 people who outweigh her by at least 150lbs within 20 minutes. Does she expect people to stare being that weight? Isn't this setting one's self up as a victim? And how is someone like myself to feel who is 500lbs who this woman would be functional and "thin" in comparison to?

People stared at me. When I was near 700lbs, I lived in a big city, and well they looked, I was so unique, it was like the circus came to town as I bumbled down the sidewalk at a huge weight. I had to learn to get used to it, and had the attitude "Give them something to look at!" I know today if I am "new" somewhere, I can get the CURIOSITY looks and yes I even get the RUDE looks, every supersized fat person knows. Today I weigh less, but I am still hugely fat and I am tromping around with a hearing aid, a leg double the size of the other and either a cane or a walker. When I go without the walker, I trumble around from side to side with the cane, because my balance is gone so I do not have a normal gait. One thing being an artist myself, my dress style is different, and well I do stand out, and do not wear what people consider "average fashion", think "hippie art teacher" in long dresses. I dress for myself. Yes I sure do, I wear what is comfortable to me and what I LIKE.

She is young, well 7 years younger then me, one thing when you grow old enough, there is less gawking. There is a lot of older and fatter people out there. Past a certain age, it just doesn't matter. Once you enter "grandma" territory, even if you are childless, there does seem to be less judgment out there based on your looks. That said however why walk around in pain from people judging your looks?

My balding head, skin sores, and almost 700lb body was a trial by fire, that allowed me to bust open the locks on the beauty prison and escape for good. I wonder if I walk around now imparting the viewpoint it doesn't matter. Look all you want if you want. Some may say, hey you've left your mug off your own blog for over three years. I posted one picture of my body on here. But isn't that the point? Why should EVERYTHING be about our looks? I want my looks to take backseat to what I have to say. Now what would I say to this lady if I ever met her?  I would say, "you are healthy, you are only mildly overweight, you have a good career as an art professor, life's not that bad!"

Maybe life for me has been easier having spent my life living in two smaller towns, the last one quite small and this one just a bit larger. If a place is small enough, you do ebb into the background with time, everyone's seen you so you are no longer a "shock" or a "curiosity".

I went around my last town and this one, not really even thinking about anyone looking at me. The last time anyone made fun of me overtly, was two times in the last five years. I had this woman at the library give me this horrified look of disgust who turned giggling to her friend next to her, and this woman at a health class for the elderly and disabled say mean things to me for being fat. So it's going to happen. What do you do? Try and stand up for yourself and move to the nice people. There is always going to be someone who doesn't like someone for the way they look or even are.

I just don't buy this idea that a size 18 woman in American society is being stared at for being fat when the AVERAGE American woman is only 3 sizes off.  Take pictures of me walking around, let's see what happens, people in small towns smile at each other. I'd like to catch pictures of people SMILING at me. Am I crazy? The auto shop man smiled at me, the waitress did, the people at book club, when I last got out and around.

Could I make an art show of that? Look I know fat discrimination exists but looks aren't everything. Be someone beyond your looks. Does anyone understand what I mean here? Those other people in the crowd even if they are not fat they have troubles too.

My response to Marily Wann's Latest: "You Can Be Fat and Fit!"

[cite for picture above]

Big Deal: You Can Be Fat and Fit

I am going to start this with the caveat that there can be people of large sizes and large proportions who certainly can be in great shape, aerobically and otherwise. The large sized weight lifter that made it to the Olympics is probably in better shape then most large people. There are football players, wrestlers and others who play sports at heavier and larger sizes. There are many midsized people who do enjoy sports, dancing and active living. All the best to them. Stay as active as you can and enjoy life as much as you can no matter your size. A lot of people MY size are totally bedbound, the housebound doctors have told me, so I even say by the grace of God go I. So enjoy but now I must address yet another article that just adds to the pile of confusion out there. Are there Healthy smaller fat people? Sure. Are the scientists finding proof, that one doesn't have to be a skinny-minny to be "healthy" and when it comes to some problems like pneumonia that it actually may be a detriment...Sure.

But newsflash....this is up to a certain point. In most cases dependent on height, up to the mid-200s line.

Over 300lbs for most people, the breathing is affected, movement is affected and more. I mean how far does the delusion have to go and the active denials? Sad to say this one even made it to mainstream media on CNN

Marilyn Wann states in the article...

"Another recent study found people who were "metabolically healthy" and overweight or obese had no higher death risk than metabolically healthy "normal" weight people."

How many fat people are "metabolically healthy"? That would be an interesting question to ask especially for the supersized given the very idea of metabolism has been set aside by the diet industry. I obviously am NOT metabolically healthy. Though would they say someone at a supersized weight who suffers from eating disorders which has led them to a high weight is? I am a bit confused by that study and doubt it applies to those in the super-sized weight categories.

Wann continues:

"I take an interest in the topic because I'm fat and because I don't have a death wish. I'm also interested because, like so many fat people, I've encountered weight discrimination when I seek routine medical care. I was 26 years old when I was denied the right to purchase health insurance. I had no significant history of illness or injury. I was just fat. That day, I became a fat rights activist."

What is this talk about a "death wish"? I often have pondered what if Wann did get ill? It is strange to me I am still hearing the same lines written in the mid 1990s. Most women her age, she is two years older then me which makes her 46, are starting to face some health problems, that includes THIN women. Most of my friends who have hit the age of 40 or over have dealt with at least ONE health issue that took some degree of comprehensive health care. She seems to have a very strong Baby Boomer ethos rather then that of a Generation Xer with a whole "we are going to live forever" theme to it.

Does illness as a fat person mean having a "death wish" or that you did something wrong? This is the "healthism" stuff I've mentioned in passing.  One ponders this. And who cares if she had some history of injury or illness? Should anyone who hasn't been there think anything less of anyone who has? Should one give out medals to those blessed with good genetics and good fortune in avoiding car accidents, thyroid issues, some arthritis,  a hole in the snow to trip in, or a cup of too hot of coffee spilling on the leg? She is right about weight discrimination in the medical arena, I certainly have explored that issue myself. She is also correct about the non availability of medical equipment but should the response of the fat be an enforced smiles, "we aren't that sick anyhow" response? Or demanding that some changes be made to the above? Yes too much blaming the fat happens and weight loss techniques like WLS that fail and maim and all the biases!  But what if I said to Marilyn Wann, fat is often the RESULT of illness a symptom in itself, that is where size activists who believe the way she does, refuse to get on board. She continues in the article to praise HAES which I of course disagree with. She talks about those living to 65. Long-lived society?, actually the lifespans in America are dropping.

"Here's a finding from the recent research that didn't make the headlines: For people over 65, being fat wasn't associated with increased risk, not even for the fattest old people. When do most people die, in our increasingly long-lived society? Over age 65, perhaps?"

This part of her article really disturbed me though....

"I also learned this week that a highly accurate way to predict a person's risk of dying is to see how easily they can get up from the floor. I'm trying to imagine how different our health care system would be if, instead of focusing on weight and weight loss, caregivers did the sitting-rising test instead."

How many supersized especially extremely super-sized people can get off the floor? I fail this test massively. Why? I fell down twice and know I cannot get off the floor. I was stuck and it was terrifying both times, and in one case, needed three grown men to help get me up to the place where I could finish the job in getting up all the way. Wann seems to have this edge to her articles where someone being sick, is enough to prove them wrong or "bad". That one would be an interesting sociological study and essay. We live in a society now where sick equals someone is "bad", instead of just with the admittance of the natural flow of things on this earth. Why must caregivers do the sitting-rising test? That one confused me. Okay my thin doctor gets down on the ground and gets up? So what? They probably can go camping and other things I miss. What does that prove? Did she think this one through?

With my failures to get off the floor, at least I was saved the medical bills from calling the paramedics to bring me to a standing position. My first fall I wrote about and the second one I had only weeks later, and at that point switched to a walker due to my balance issues. Since this summer there hasn't been any more falls. For years, due to youth, and after my initial weight loss from the massive weight gain, I did practice getting on the floor and then getting up, to make sure I still "could" but I lost the ability with time anyway, and remember in my case, I am not bedbound and tried to stay as active as I could including physical therapy. So what does that test say to fat people but hey you midsized people who can still get down on the floor and play with your puppy or your kids or scrub a spot on the floor are okay and those of you whose weight has become too heavy for you to lift off the floor are not? Is she living in reality here?

Hey I could take some of these edicts from on high if she did admit, "OK I am talking for smaller sized fat people here, I know you supersized or in my case extreme super-sized folks have other concerns" but she does not, she expects the HAES formula to work, and issues a blanket edict of "You Can be Fat and Fit!" Um no..... I am even facing battling a leg infection over the last month, I am not sure what has brought on the reaffirmed battles with leg infections, this time with huge fevers to go along with them, once I hit near 104. Trust me I am sad because I struggled with this for years, having 6-7 of these a year for so long and many times in the hospital, and recently I went almost an entire year without a leg infection in my lymphedema leg and being thrown back into the infection merry-go-round obviously is very frightening to me. I almost have lost my life to this stuff before. What brought it on? I am not sure, and even have the worrying feeling that my intense commitment to a physical therapy and walking program brought these latest infections on despite improved sugars.
Hey I write this blog knowing I live in a society where the prevailing ethos is unless you are healthy and well, [and wealthy in a lot of cases] you aren't worth listening too, but since it's an ethos I reject, I speak out anyway.


Wann continues:

"How much healthier would we be? How much more would we actually enjoy healthy living, free from weight judgment? How much time and money would we save? How much discrimination and human tragedy could we avoid? I'm guessing it'd be tons."

How about just some reality? How about some understanding? How about some size activists admitting that people like me exist? How about telling the truth about weight while at the same time demanding good treatment for fat people and good medical care without shame and hatred even if we are indeed stuck on the floor when we fall down? How about admitting what is going on? 

See:

Health At Every Size? And Healthism in the Size Acceptance Movement"

"Seeing Through the Obesity Lies"

Looking for Happiness Despite the Weight

I saw this over on Dr. Sharma's website

Are Happy and Fat People Delusional?

"As one would expect, the show prompted a deluge of comments on the CTV website with a wide range of opinions both in support and against the positions that a) it is possible to be fat and healthy, b) anyone who is motivated enough can control their weight, c) fat people who are fine with their size are delusional and a burden on society, d) someone needs to step in and help them see the light for their own good."

Well people know I have issues with the size acceptance crowd that expects one to shove their reality under a carpet but that said, I do think one should seek happiness in this life, and get to the conclusion of trying to solve the problems they can, hand the rest over to God and leave it that. Yes I have struggled with depression and heartache in this life, but one part of recovery, healing etc, is taking a re-look at what is really important and it impacts this issue.

Then there is the diet industrial complex which will beat down a fat person's mind and heart as they do the by the numbers trudge with false hope and false answers. They have brought the world into false views of obesity saying it is a chosen state to be in, which if anyone thought this out they would realize that is totally insane. Why does dieting and depression and feelings of low self esteem go hand in hand? Even being this fat, I do not think life should be a march of nothing but drudge. I know on this particular blog due to the subject matter I am more serious, but in life, why not focus on seeking the happy and good things too?

I had to face facts, that a thin me was never going to happen, and now have tried to balance out the outcomes of knowing this fat problem in my case is not going to be fixable. This doesn't mean give up, I know I must maintain and do what I can, but it also doesn't mean putting life off for some dream day.

I lived longer getting some of the weight off, but cannot drop the food any further to lose safely. Those who have more regular metabolisms who can drop down the calories and see improvement and "change their lifestyles" to increase some exercise and fix the quotient, perhaps have a bit of "control". But there is a point where a person reaches, where they say, "you know, I have done what I can, and well, I have to accept that and the outcomes". In other words "Let the chips fall where they may". Which may be an odd attitude that may anger some people who thinks a 500lb person should starve, beat themselves into the ground etc to be thin, but I am the one living this life and have to see what I can handle.

They offer to many fat people a dream on a platter that for many of us doesn't come true. Sure some changes for some people may help, treatment for any binge eating disorders that may exist, changes to diet, the lifestyle tweaks, but for many who are fat, it just doesn't work. And that is what I will tell the people who tell me I have full control or have chosen this. They come live with me for awhile and see the digestive and allergy pains and the extreme thought that has to come into every meal and then judge for themselves. The problem is for most fat people, they will remain burdened under judgments they do not deserve. This is why I use this blog to get some truth out there to open a few brains, instead of believing everything they hear from the diet industrial complex funded media.

But here I see the two choices that are non-choices, change they see as an automatic choice which eludes upwards of 90% of people and the other choice that fat is automatically healthy, its not. I know health and happiness go hand in hand, and yes it it is easier to be happier while having good health. But what if you are sick or have been chronically ill for over 20 years, a category I now fit in? I had to learn to find happiness outside of the normal range, I still wanted to live my life and do things and find what happiness that laid out there. I had my friends, hobbies and other things I have committed myself too. I have my religious faith too.

I think a lot of fat people aren't happy because

1. They are told to be unhappy and shamed on a consistent basis. There are no role models of fat and happy, especially for supersized women. The "happiness" advertised by size acceptance, where they expect a person to deny their reality especially for us extremely large folks is no answer too. Happiness is to be based on reality, not false cult like smiles to "fit in" or to please your oppressors.

2. They are told to wait for the day they are THIN, which for many of us is a day that never comes or for some who manage the yo-yo dieting thing, comes only in short bursts and is not consistent. Many put off real life for the day when they will be thin. I know I have faced my own mortality so often, it's either now or never.

3. They are told they are in full control of everything. This seriously is an American cultural problem which actually sets people up for false expectations and disappointments instead of forming resiliancy and being happy in the face of severe odds. This too is one reason why we have a society that blames fat people instead of changes to our food, and much more changing the entire environment making for more severe obesity.

4. False consumerist and other standards are unloaded on people as a whole without stop now. Where while people in the old days found many other sources of happiness and social connection outside of bodily norms and "fitting in", now its all about looks and conformity. Where does true happiness lie in a society that only cares more and more about how much you measure up, and not really much else about love, compassion and connections? There isn't much of it left, the numbers the bean counters judge us all by, are a form of control.

Can a fat person be happy? Well many face severe health problems in this life and manage to find sources of meaning in their life. The other day when I was sick, I wanted to get better to do a visit with a close friend of mine, to make cards with another friend, I wanted to go out to the park, hey if you know you are missing out from illness you know you have a life of some sort. I prayed to get better.

The thing that makes people happiest, is letting go of the false standards, and looking towards what really is important. Who are the people demanding everyone be a perfect size? Whose the one setting the standards for the one who diets the best? What will this all mean in 500 years?

I wrote once in a poem in the end "we all end up as skeletons"...think about that for a minute. There are no fat people in the grave.

I was able to find some happiness in life even though I am one of the fattest people on this earth and my body is a source of a lot of suffering, I still look for the good things in life. That said, happiness shouldn't be a litmus test either, if people are unhappy some may have reasons to be so, as well as the problems of clinical depression and more. Those who face unhappiness shouldn't be judged either, yes I am talking to you size acceptance activists! But then understand what this world demands and asks people to do and be, doesn't mean the instant happiness they promise. That is a trap of it's own.

I find promise and hope from God. I reject this world's standards which have trapped so many, and have decided to look for my own answers. I believe it's one reason I am still alive.

What is Fat Studies?

I took the women studies class in college an eon ago, and realize it was more a brainwashing indoctrination session, to love hyper-feminism, and to "worship" the "goddess". My professor there was hard core. Shout that you were against the patriarchy, and ready to go back in time, to burn a few bras and your "A" was almost guaranteed.

Now we have "fat studies".

Should I write a paper? I doubt academia would give me much of an ear. That is it's own world, if you divert from the "rules" in the size acceptance world, refusing to celebrate fat, and desiring a real cure--not the nonsense they are shoveling--any free thinkers need not reply. Even here, how could I write a paper of "fat ACCEPTANCE", I do not accept my fat, my fat is equal to my almost deaf ears, annoying but to be celebrated? Forget it. Some of the language here gets kind of odd.

Fat Studies reminds us that all bodies are inscribed with the fears and hopes of the particular culture they reside in, and these emotions often are mislabeled as objective “facts” of health and biology. More importantly, perhaps, Fat Studies insists on the recognition that fat identity can be as fundamental and world-shaping as other identity constructs analyzed within the academy and represented in media

.

What about the hope to stay alive? This seems a lot to ask Mr. Adipose cell...I suppose Mr. Adipose does not realize the trouble he has caused.


What's wrong with using the words overweight or obesity? They want those only used in "ironic" fashion.

Fat Studies Classes?

Colleges are now promoting fat studies classes. Some of this sounds like it "could" be good, but then is anyone studying anything that is meaningful or will this be the same brainwashathon I got in a women's study class in college back in the late 80s? Back then to get an A, all you had to do was rant a bit about "patriarchal society", and how you were reading books on the "goddess". It was liberal social programming under the guise of "education". Are liberal professors demanding that their fat studies students hold to the NAAFA line? What does fat studies really include? Out of curiosity, I had to go look....

Examines body weight, shape, and size as an area of human
difference subject to privilege and discrimination that
intersects with other systems of oppression based on gender,
race, class, age, sexual orientation, and ability. Employs a
multi-disciplinary approach spanning the behavioral sciences
and humanities. Frames weight-based oppression as a social
justice issue, exploring forms of activism used to counter
weightism perpetuated throughout various societal
institutions.

I can't say some of the above doesn't bug me. It reads like the out of touch-Whole Foods granola munching upper class crowd, trying to put out the usual liberal feelers for a new victimized class, they can cry copious tears of guilt over, while hanging out at the country club. While they are correct about discrimination and being wise to some of it makes sense, but the liberal message of oppression and "victim hood" is right there for the reading.

Why do young people need to study fat people's oppression? What is this a new form of Fat liberation theology? Wouldn't this have the affect of marginalizing fat people further? Here too "weight" is only one aspect of a person, Fat Studies turns what is a physical attribute, which happens to be just a minor part of what a person is, into a overwhelming proposition.
Will this be more ideological testing via the fat studies world? Here is a fat studies reader. You know elsewhere I told people elsewhere how both parties lie to Americans for a certain agenda, Republican/Democrat, what is the difference, both are selling this country down the wealth clean-out, outsourcing globalist river. Fat people are being sold out too between two side of a divide as well, the fat studies crowd, won't tell the truth about what is happening to our food and environment, the true medical implications of weight, or talk about the toxic American lifestyle, on the other side we have the haters who scream "You gluttons: you control your world and your body totally". Both are liars.