Booming Economy? Not for all of us

 

A lot of rich liberal usually Biden supporters on my Facebook are telling me the economy is doing great! Are they high? Some probably live in a bubble while others are so rewarded by the corrupt system, they certainly are going to sing it's praises.

 I think for people who do own stocks, and have wealth maybe things look a lot brighter, the divide between the haves and have-nots has grown harsh. I have well-off friends who admit the economy is bad for some of us, so it's not everyone, but how do I describe my reality to other people? I can't be hard on those better off than me, some have helped us survive. Who buys my art and our ebay too? People with money. I have a lot of richer friends I care about. I don't want them to face what I have suffered.  However, there's something really wrong with people who decide to ignore half the population and consider us all liars about our economic situations. 

Here's a meme one of the wealthy liberals I know posted on Facebook. I wish I lived in their world. They are boomer age, and completely not impacted by the dying economy. This kind of made me angry, how can people be so clueless? 

At least some of my more well-off friends admit the economy is crap. A friend of mine from college that makes 100,000 a year at a high level education job, told me her rent was near what we live on for an entire month. It was 2800 dollars. Her bills seemed as crushing as my own. When you get more money too, all the health deductibles go up.

Biden's going to lose by the way, he's doing the same thing Hillary did complaining about poor people and calling them "Deplorables". Biden just ignores their existence. I had that issue in circles here especially among the woke, where there was no such thing as poor white people. A lot of America is rural, and poor, working class, lower and middle. You think the people struggling for groceries are going to vote for Biden now? Most of us are pissed off. I am. Even if some can make an argument that a sitting president doesn't control every economy lever, we all have watched this guy send off billions to other countries while Americans suffer. Many people on both the right and left suspect that our politicians just don't care about us anymore. 

I think of the things I could have done with more money. I always have ideas for projects. My Fat Pat book has been delayed, I know. My tank printer is giving me fits. I was bound and determined to get 10 copies done, that is 2,300 pages by the way, but the printer was fuzzing up the print by the 200th page. I wanted to sell it electronically but ebay doesn't allow that. I still plan to get it out, though I know it is taking me forever.

I sat down one day and thought of all the crap I need from a new couch even used to replace a breaking down one, to compression supplies, to new supplements, better food, underwear, replacing a cracked windshield on our van,  a seat for my wheelchair, a scooter--yeah I'm dreaming, new shoes, and it was THOUSANDS of DOLLARS. Will I ever see it?, probably not. I was told by my new ear doctor, my other one retired, I'm too deaf now for the $2,000 hearing aids I never could afford to be of any use. 

Politics seems like a dead end to me. I don't have any hope in them anymore. "Get out the vote!" Who cares, voting barely matters anymore. I still vote but everyone I vote for always loses even for city council. Most politicians are snakes, and puppets for the psychopaths in the shadows. My husband is still a Democrat but I hate both parties as everyone here knows. I lean towards Kennedy but can tell he's being closed out when he's only gotten on 6 state ballots so far. They don't let outsiders in. Maybe he's just supposed to suck up numbers like Jill Stein. Remember when she had dinner with Putin and Trump's campaign manager?

We have something like 6 dollars in the bank right now. I have a 20 on me. That's in the entire world. I sold off silver that was in the house, coin, some earrings for 26 dollars a few weeks ago to the silver and gold shop. This guy gives me weird looks as I bring in old thrift store jewelry hoping something is real.  I'm scared all the time. He made some money this week transcribing but we have to pay car/renter's insurance and for my transcribe phone that I use to communicate with. I think there's going to be zero left. 

We got decrepit Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee as our choice in presidents or what South Park called "giant douche and shit sandwich" years ago. Maybe all of us should just invest in our local communities, but that's hard when I'm being forced to leave one I live in now due to money. Maybe if someone is more established go that way if you can. I hope where I move next I will do better. I had some stuff even going in this town when I participated in various churches, and other activities. The USA is a dying empire, plan accordingly. We will all be citizens of our respective states. 

Trump will screw me over for my being disabled, needing Medicare, promoting war with Iran most likely, more tax cuts for the very rich, kowtow to Dominionists and possibly deport all "birthright" citizens-my husband is one. He's upset but I tried to tell him it's just for undocumented immigrants and his parents were documented. I agree with Trump/Republicans on the second amendment, stopping illegal immigration, stopping Covid mandates, and DEI. 

Biden will screw me over pushing Covid mandates [or other future pandemic nonsense], globalism, economically, DEI, extreme "woke" nonsense, pushing more war, and possibly WW3. I agree with liberals on unions, protecting Social Security/Medicare, and supporting welfare. 

It's lose/lose with both. 

I was helping my husband sell ebay, I have more of that to do. We are selling jewelry--I find it at thrift when I can, stamps from my stamp collection, comics and books. He sold some old rock music items too. I'm also doing some paintings for an art show. There's another smaller art show I'm holding next spring, with around 6 works, to do too. My art supplies are running low, so have to figure out getting some more. I buy used art supplies from ebay to make my art happen.

 Sometimes the universe or God gives me stuff, I'm one of those people who sometimes does get help from unexpected places. Like yesterday we were out of money for groceries and someone nice offered me dinner. They don't know my fridge is completely empty and I was contemplating, what foods at the Dollar Tree I could scoop up. I had some old frozen bread, some left over eggs for breakfast with strawberries from a food truck.  We got some Chinese food, the first time I had any in more than a year. Another friend had bought us that dinner. 

I thought later, I should have had them buy me a salad, but wasn't thinking, I think the salad place was closed. Even then I didn't want to take advantage. The salad place can cost 40-50 dollars for the 2 of us. One large salad is 20 dollars with toppings on it. The Chinese food tasted good though. It was a treat. I don't have much I want to eat now. I had Dollar tree eggs and english muffin with a little bit of ham and cheese added this morning.  I'm glad I got the good Chinese food. The cheap turkey hotdogs look blech to me now.  I have some cheap Aldis veggie patties, I could eat for lunch but they have the consistency of lima beans. 

The functional doctor gave me dietary changes to do, but most of the food I need, I can't afford. At least when the veggie stands are back up, my diet will hopefully improve more. My eyebrows grew back from L-lysine and mythelated vit B, C, zinc and drinking cider vinegar.  I noticed looking at a Zoom I was on, that my face looked different, it occurred to me I had real eyebrows for the first time in 25 years. He has more he wants me on but money is an issue. I did replace the B vitamins last week at least. 

I told my husband I am going to help you more with your job search. He has a writing resume and a transcription resume, and has done both. You can see the price of the demise of newspapers on his career. He worked for a total of 5 newspapers during his life. Even his latest job lay-offs was related to a newspaper. He did go get some more stringer work, but it's only a little bit a month. Not earth-shaking money though it can pay a couple bills. His transcription resume is lengthy too, I'm not sure why work is hard to get. Fill me in on the mysterious secrets.

 He said he has been approved to do some legal transcription on one of his main gig websites. He's aging and well that causes problems. I see too many people who if they hit their 50s or even late 40s and are not established, things can get really bad. Before I was just getting listings for him but now I have a copy of his resume and sample cover letters to be able to help him more. Indeed does seem like a dead end. 

I'm at the point where I'm asking people can you get him a job? He can't stand more than 10 minutes so being a cashier around here doesn't even work, most places make them stand, and the factories all want people who can lift 50lbs.  Health after decades of financial and other stress is not the same. His wardrobe is bad, we live in the county of skinny men, and he's big, I can't even find thrift store clothing for him.  Sometimes I can go nuts just thinking of how one turn of the screw could have changed things. If you are someone reading this, and are of means or are in a company or have a tie to some job that can be done remote. [We can't afford to move out of state] maybe offer someone a break. He works hard and does his work. He was working last night. 

I wrote this on reddit:

 I had husband apply for govt jobs often in other states, etc. There was one time we got close to the middle class, if he had gotten this state job, my life would have gone very different. [this was in the era when he was an assistant newspaper editor] Things are very competitive out there. I sometimes ask WTF happened he had so many good things going at one time. Many have tried for the good jobs. Just want to put that out there. We moved 17 years ago for him to be a copy ad writer, they laid him off, and I think it was due to me going on the insurance. He had a good review even before hand. The work was run by committee though and the place had major problems. So those are gambles that don't always pay off. Sometimes know economic security was in close reach like this is more depressing. I gave up a loved small town to move into the town that job was in. It threw everything off All because we were reaching for the middle class.

I went to school and did everything I was "supposed to". I even moved to Chicago to get a job, as a residential counselor, hoping to move into another field. It was better than being homeless. I didn't know a soul there, and the place scared me it was so huge, but I did it not to be homeless.

We moved our whole life to avoid worse poverty. Even have to make a move soon for security/money reasons, senior disabled housing.

It gets harder the older you get.

Husband did get more work, so now it's not as desperate poverty but we are still poor. [stringer work, more transcription online]

Everyday have to wake up and think how do we pay this bill, how do we survive?

I do think schools are letting down young people. Do Vo-ed and get best skills you can and most practical.

The bills are so damn crushing. I've decided to stream line some of my medical care to cut down on medical bills. Just necessary at this point.

You can see AI taking over jobs by the way as you do job searches. One company wants to pay people 25 dollars an hour to write AI. Obviously some people like me have ethical concerns about AI. If anyone has job ideas for my husband tell me. Trying to find work for someone who has visible health problems and can't stand for more than 10 minutes due to vein problems is NOT easy. I am going to concentrate on remote. I have to help him and look up companies by name, maybe Indeed applications aren't getting through.

. I never got credit cards again after a long ago bankruptcy and never want one again. So whatever we got, we are stuck with. Hopefully life can be made more frugal after we get into the senior and disabled apt. That will provide more of a safety net. 

Our personal circumstances suck, but the evidence is out there that the USA is in big trouble. 

Watch this channel too, to see decaying cities, rural extreme poverty, homelessness and more. The politicians won't admit what America is really like now. 

Joe and Nic's Road Trip.

I noticed Nick Johnson went to another town where the divide in wealth was extreme. He went to visit this town, Traverse City in Michigan, there were mansions all over the place and fancy bars for yuppies and then he showed this giant homeless enclosure. All the people were gone, some commenters wrote they are all at work, and they can't afford the rent anywhere in that town, so have to live there. 

I live in a place that is richer, more immediately but it's just a few miles for me to see shacks, ruins, a dead mall, and places that have seen better days. One thing I am noticing in my town, is one can't find simple items at stores. It took several stores even to find tracing paper for an art project and I only found some buried away at an old 5 and dime store. The pad itself was probably from 20 years ago, but still functional and not browned yet. This place drives me crazy because I never can find what I need. The stores are always out of stuff. Everything is always the most dumbed down, most narrowed version of products. 

Some of us just have to look around to see that America is dying. I hang out in this one rural county about 20 miles away and you can see shacks, burnt out houses, dead businesses and a real heavy air of poverty in the air. I like it there, and love the people, at least they are folks who relate to me and very friendly, but the place is poor.

I can go a few miles from my apartment and see houses falling in and a ghetto that looks worse and worse. When I was thinking of moving into a cheaper apt, I had flash backs to Chicago, there was such lousy housing stock, they still had clawfoot tubs and crap like that. Some looked like they hadn't been updated since the 1930s! In my state, most homeless enclaves are hidden away in the woods, but the homeless are there too. There's a portion of my town where the beggars go, they are outlawed in the fancier area, and hold up their cardboard signs.

On my Facebook, I joined two boards, one was for poor seniors to look for room rentals and another was living on low income and social security. I noticed there extreme divides with the room rentals, some better off folks were renting rooms to people, a bedroom in their house basically, for 700 dollars plus a month. I don't know why some didn't try for a senior apartment instead, but it's scary to watch this stuff. Get old and poor in America, you can't even find a boarding house anymore, you have to go live in someone's house and hope they aren't abusive, or a neat-freak. Live with someone else's Mom in your old age. Someone on that board asked of having roommates, what if they get sick and or have cancer? It was an interesting question. This more than anything shows the desperation out there and the burgeoning poverty. It's probably Gen X scrapping along though there's some poor Boomers now too. 

You know something happened to the left where they abandoned the poor, working class and disabled. Covid only made this worse as the movers and shakers went to go bootlick Big Pharma. I wonder about all these people who deny our reality on the left and tell us how great the economy is. I guess this is the full take over of the Bobos in Paradise or one could say "elite left"/neoliberals etc. Remember when I wrote this article about the left betraying us all?  Now they are doing it with the economy. 

That said, are the Republicans going to help us with the economy? Well one named Rick Scott wants to "sunset" Social Security. They want to remove all the social safety nets! Is there anyone out there for us? Poor people know the Republican party doesn't care either. Remember Trump was president already, he brought us Covid, he had chances to give tax breaks to ordinary folks but they went to the ultra rich instead!

Some in their pride don't even care, that this definitely will lead to a Trump presidency. I can't stand Trump either but I do think some of liberals have TDS, Trump Derangement Syndrome. There are other bad politicians now destroying our lives too. Just because one snake says "nicer" things while screwing you over means nothing. I'm tired of the worse like Biden getting elevated just because they are all busy pointing fingers at Trump. Trump points to Biden on the other side as the cause of all our problems. Forgotten is all the tyranny they team up on. BOTH brought us Covid. Both support the Covid vaxxes. Trump praised the Covid vaccine just the other day to the disappointment of many of his followers!

Few realize both parties are stutter-stepping us to hell, playing the Hegelian Dialectic game. Notice the outcomes for the elite are always the same? Less money for you, and more for them? I don't even trust these right wingers claiming to be against mRNA, especially as you know companies for it are being built all over. 

Middle America is sick of the stupidity related to Covid, many have lost loved ones or are disabled from vaccine injury, and know no justice is coming and they are pissed. I'll never forgive what was done and I remained relatively unscathed not catching it myself and remaining unvaxxed. Middle America knows their kids aren't going to achieve the same level of income as them. They see their towns literally decaying in front of their faces. Us older people remember the leisure, fun and hobbies of earlier decades when we spent money on meals out, concerts, boomboxes and shopped for fashion. They are noticing real life problems are ignored for extreme identity politics for the rich, like extreme sex changes. Even my more well-off town is filling with empty buildings, and closing restaurants. You can only gaslight people so much.  Are you noticing neither main party is talking about what is happening to America economically? Are you noticing most of these politicians don't care? Are you noticing the lies about the economy are just as bad as the lies about Covid were?

RIP Garrison Brown

 

Trigger warning on this one...........

Sister Wives is a show I've watched for years. I watched it when it began and have continued to watch it. I always saw polygamy as an ill-fated path in life to take. The family was going to break apart the day they left the AUB community and entered the regular modern world. The worse has now happened.  Garrison [Robert] Brown, only 25 years old has committed suicide. 

Reality TV isn't good to those in it. Some have felt feelings of guilt even watching this show and I understood. When you see someone young and full of life come to an end like this, how much did the reality TV show damage their life?  For years on message boards dealing with the show, many people got concerned about how abusive Kody Brown was both to his ex-wives and adult children. When the show was new, Kody Brown seemed to be a lot happier fellow. The darkness built up over the years, he got angrier and meaner especially with the introduction of his 4th very manipulative wife Robyn. Many people theorized that Kody Brown was a malignant narcissist or had some other personality disorder problems. I agreed with those theories. He showed extreme selfishness, coldness and other very negative traits. 

Some of the poison obviously is inherited issues from a misogynist cult with a history of treating young men like "lost boys". Kody probably passed on some treatment he received at the hands of his own father but this does not excuse it. He treated his adult kids especially the sons very poorly. Oddly when they were young, Kody seemed to be a loving father who was there for them, perhaps making this even more painful.

 There was one show where Garrison's brother Garbriel cries because of Kody forgetting his birthday. Kody used arguments about Covid protocols to start banning his sons from his life and cutting them off. What kind of man calls his sons jerks on national TV? Surely this impacted Garrison and his siblings. The "divorces" and breakup of three plural marriages was followed on the show for years too.

Now Garrison had other problems, that have been described with drinking and relationship issues but its easy to ask how malignant narcissism or abuse from his father impacted his life leading to this fateful decision. It is alarming to see how these things have come out. He was a very kind young man who built his autistic half-sister a garden. His mother Janelle, Christine and siblings loved him and you could tell he loved them. The damage that abusers can do is insurmountable.

 Some people wrote they hope this would wake Kody up, and he would reconcile with his other kids on message boards. I think the reaction will tell us how far on the personality disordered spectrum Kody is.

Watching this show and remembering how he was talked about and treated was very sad. I fear for his siblings too, especially Gabriel and others who bore the brunt of abuse, the extreme pressures of fame, and stresses from the reality show world. Garrison supposedly wrote some TLC employees prompting family members to do a wellness check, so his final words even concerned the show. 

Strong Souls

 

Remember years ago when I said "Self sovereignty" was important when it came to recovery from ACON abuse? This meme had me think of that. I think about concepts with religion and psychology all the time, how much is used to tear people down instead of building them up. I even though about how the only way any religious faith will survive in me, is a God of kindness not one ready to tear me to pieces. There are endless philosophies, and false religious rhetoric, that is just meant to tear you down and for others to control and dominate and police you. Think about that. We are in the times where a strong soul is needed more than ever. 

Running From the Toxic Positive!

 

nakedpastor

Poster based in Canada  ·   · 

Toxic positivity is a culture in which you are not allowed to have anything but a positive mindset and attitude, no matter how dire or difficult your life is.

I consider it a dysfunctional way to manage emotions and live your life because it dismisses and even condemns legitimate emotions such as anger and sadness.

Maybe I am a Debbie Downer. I don't care anymore. If I am, I was made this way. if I try to fake it, it doesn't work. That's more likely to send me into crying jags than facing hard cold reality. 

This friend got me into Russian literature. She said of the books I had recently read Dead Souls and Oblomov, that the Russians are more grim. I laughed and said, "They are more realistic". America is going to collapse with the toxic positivity. They can't deal with or admit or accept reality. Covid is a major case in point. Another friend years ago told me Hungarians were more morose people. She had been there. I said, "Maybe that's where I was meant to be". I am half Hungarian after all.

Some of the "love and light" crowd are scaring me. They are too busy demanding that they themselves wear a mask, and that others do too. They call it growth to keep that smile on one's face and always be "progressing". I have realized while I can be a fine acquaintance with such people any closer friendship will be impossible. Analytical autistics are their automatic enemy. They find us annoying.

 I have told myself for the sake of my mental health to avoid them now. Don't argue. Keep things superficial. Don't be a dummy and tell the "authenticity" class naturopath, you wanted to befriend, that the world doesn't want authenticity from autistics. That kind of stuff is for affluent charismatic types who see putting on a purple crystal necklace at their yoga class as the height of quirkiness. 

They will slap a negative label on you anyway. They are like fundamentalists in their world view and if you cross it, you are in trouble and the "evil" one. 

I don't want to single out the ones unloading toxic positivity, their numbers are legion in the town I live in now. They are mostly friends and acquaintances on Facebook but I have noticed the message is, no matter how bad things are you are to stay positive. This includes everything from going blind, to past abuse, to money problems. No matter how bad it is gets, keep sweet! These people stress me out. They make any depression greater. One is always supposed to step outside of yourself and think of your "brand", "appearance" and "impact". With the lady going blind, I like her and going blind is worse, but there's nothing to celebrate about going deaf. It sucks. I'm not going to go on about its wonders. I can't even have a conversation with my husband in the kitchen anymore.

Its like America is one big cult, "keep sweet or you're evil!" Manifest your reality and all that sort of crap. It is spiritual bypassing. As society grows more insane, stupid and banal, the powers that be just want you to shut up about it. The evangelical churches were horrible about this stuff, always policing your emotions.  New Agers and the "Love and Light" crowd are just as bad as your hard core fundamentalists.  The fundamentalists will tell you, that you are going to hell for not trusting God, the New Agers will say you are manifesting "negativity". It's tiring. In life, you want to be around people you are not on constant eggshells around. These folks worry me. There's too much tone policing. Just getting analytical to them seems an insult, like I'm not talking sharing tears but just breaking something down. 

One ironic thing about my personality is I show more happiness and laughter around people I feel comfortable around, so it's viewed maybe less? It happens. I think a lot of ACONs learn to guard that, because we know if we are caught smiling or liking something, the narcissist is going to swoop in like a bird of prey and nip that in the bud. I love stamp collecting. I even have dreams about being a stamp dealer and owning huge books of postage stamps. Anyhow, my mother once even mocked that and told me once "Collecting stamps is stupid!" Well at least some stamps appreciate in value instead of armies of ceramic snowmen that end up in the trash can or in the thrift bin after they go out of "style".

Get me some complainers. At least around them I could be real.  One of my friend said some cultures are more "complainer" cultures in European countries, I said, "That sounds better to me!" Now even I don't want people who never take action, but all this censorship and bypassing is getting on my last nerve. 

I've posted on this topic before so check out those posts. It is ironic to me as the world implodes to dystopia we are all supposed to smile even more. Guess it should not surprise me. They don't want anyone rebelling and asking why do we have to live in the street now among all these empty houses?

Anyhow I'm tired of rich people telling me I'm not grateful enough and others who expect constant mask-wearing. I don't want the religious telling me what to think and feel and I don't want the gurus, and "love and light" ones telling me either. I'm done with people telling me what to say and feel. At this age, I'm not going to be who they want anyway. Forget it. Goodbye to all gurus, pastors, priests, and spiritual types telling me who to be and policing my thoughts and the thoughts of others. 

Other posts on Fivehundredpoundpeep about Toxic Positivity

Conversation I had with Husband about Religion

 

I told my husband, "You know those people who get married 6 or 7 times, and always divorce, that's me and religion. I laughed and said, "I should have just picked one and stuck with it". He didn't disagree. I've joked before about visiting the religious shopping mall and choosing different religions. I don't want to return to the evangelical world. There's too much baggage. There were too many oily pastors that reminded me of crooked used car salesmen.  They were out for your money. It's probably not an accident the only sincere pastor I had, [in my first IFB church] left the pastorship to become a truck driver. He's still a Christian but I can understand why he is done with the whole mess. He was tired of the corruption of organized religion and wrote about that on a blog.

My discussion with two close friends of mine was interesting, I said, "I messed religion up, I've been so many of them." My special autistic interest was religion, and added some facts about Mormonism to Gnosticism. They were surprised how deep into religions I went. 

I sometimes joke too, "Church costs money", if you don't have any don't bother showing up. I always wish there was a church for poor people where one could share resources with each other. Some churches do share with their members, my long ago church with the sincere pastor, we had a food pantry we were welcome to all take food out of when we needed it. The UUs helped my husband who is still a member there. 

I still like Jesus's teachings, but I don't even know what church I would fit in now. I still post on some fifth principle UU boards on Facebook. Some of those, the people left like me, some found new church homes in liberal Christianity or other churches. They question the direction the modern left has taken and post articles about how young people are being harmed by the trans movement. 

Add the evangelical preachers in their 3 piece suits to this picture too. 

It seems impossible to find a church that hasn't gone globalist bowing before Klaus Schwab, or extreme "woke" or one that isn't Dominionist. Being against both of those things there's nowhere to go to church. Sometimes I think socially I need to just suck it up, and choose something, because I am so used to meeting people at church. I've tried to remind myself other people manage without church, you have your art club and when you move you can find other groups and hobbies to meet people.

With religious issues, I hit a wall, no longer wanting any hoops to be told to jump through. My beliefs from one of the most complicated religious histories of any human on earth, are probably a mish-mash, that would confuse most people. Most people don't know what Christian Universalism is. I can't go to a lot of churches as they fly the Israeli flag and preach war. I think blowing up tens of thousands of kids is evil.

Most organized religion is run by the elites and used for social control and pushing the status quo. Most of the churches all jumped on the Covid vaxx train. This wasn't just the UUs but plenty of Christian churches.