Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Someone who Agrees About Tiffany Sedaris

I agree with her opinions about David Sedaris's mother as presented in his writings. I noticed the admiration of his mother too that seemed to be callous as well. Take a listen to the rest, she notices many of the same things I did. She brings up the same article I did, "Now We are Five" and is just as horrified. I took a lot of heat for that article but now I have grown more sure in my views even as I escaped the poisonous dynamics of my own family. She mentions my article and this blog at the 19:00 minute mark. Yes, she is right about how the family dynamics and patterns stand out to ACONS that we see among the Sedaris family.

See: In Defense of Tiffany Sedaris


  1. Thank you very much for heads up on this video! David Sedaris has been smearing against Tiffany since she died. Based on what we know about narcissistic abuse, their smear campaign, gaslighting abuse and invalidation against their scapegoats, I question David Sedaris' claim that Tiffany has mental illness or that she committed suicide. Narcs will claim that their scapegoat have severe mental illness to invalidate and gaslight those who could not or would not meet their narc supplies. When the scapegoat dies without being murdered or through their diseases or old age, narcs would claim that the scapegoat committed suicide. Tiffany was not famous enough to be mentioned in bigger media until David Sedaris wrote about her and their siblings in several of his books. After she died, very few people know about it until David wrote about her "mental illness" and "suicide" in his piece in "New Yorker" magazine. David did not respect nor care about Tiffany. He likes his other sister, Amy Sedaris, the best. Based on what I read or saw in media and in David's written materials, I got an impression that Tiffany's sisters and David are narcs who looked good over the years. I am posting links now so you could see for yourself what I am talking about,


    Tiffany was not in this family picture. Maybe this picture was taken when Tiffany was in Elan School:

    Tiffany looked very sad in this picture. Look at her sister's hair and "beauty" compared to Tiffany's chopped up hair. Their faces look the same but Tiffany was treated like she was an adoptee rather than one of six biological children in the family. Her sisters and the older brother, David Sedaris, sounds like narcs. The blonde-haired girl next to David Sedaris is an actress named Amy Sedaris. She is an actress who wrote negative things about Tiffany. I also noticed that Amy and David are very close to each other. I am unsure if the youngest brother is a narc:

    Tiffany, the ones with the shortest hair cut, and her siblings when they looked like dorks. Tiffany's hair was as short as boys and other girls had longer hair:

    1. I have read scapegoats will be smeared after death. This is definitely happening. I think her mental illnesses have been exaggerated, most narc families are full of severe mental illness and other problems but of course the scapegoat's get focused on.

      I notice David has no empathy for her being sent away to that school notorious for abuse. Narcs never have empathy. My whole blog here, shows how mine had nothing but abuse for the severe disease of lipo-lymphedema. I agree about the suicides.

      Tiffany's siblings became extraordinary wealthy and famous. I have read Amy's books too, along with Davids and was bothered by the attitudes and world view I saw in both sets of books. I used to watch the show "Strangers with Candy", I used to think that show mocked people with mental illness and who were poor, it really did. So that makes me have other thoughts about scapegoats and how the scapegoats who "fail to launch" or "get rich" in successful families fare and how they are viewed.

      I was viewed and labeled as a loser, and this was true even during my art teacher days which looking back astounds me, but they were out to crush me at every angle. I looked at the pictures too and Tiffany looks very sad and bereft, it reminds me of seeing myself in old family pictures. One old memory comes back where I was watching family films with my family at 20 and they made rude remarks about how sad I looked and how I never smiled. I was being abused.

      Narc mothers usually are out to destroy the looks of their scapegoat daughters. They deny them dating and female sexuality. They cut their hair extremely short. I had short hair cuts forced on me to the point my high school made fun of me for being "butch" and believed I was a lesbian when I was not.

      When I was in contact with the family, I noticed one narc was making one of my cousin's daughters who is very beautiful get short haircuts. I can tell the same was done to Tiffany, they want short haircuts, ugly clothes and often want to masculinze or uglify the scapegoat as much as possible.

      I notice a lot of narc lovers on these discussions of Tiffany Sedaris, rant and rave about mentally ill relatives and "moochers" and people who did not make money. One can tell they identify with David and to me that exposes their own narcissism. Some have said we cannot diagnose people with narcissism but we can tell right off when families fit certain patterns because they fit ours. When I see a family gather around to put down someone for being "weird" or an "artist" or "crazy" or a "failure" for having to rent an apartment instead of owning a huge house, this is totally familiar to me. Not only about myself but I listened to years about Aunt Scapegoat being severely mentally ill. They went on and on about it.

  2. Plus didn't they say they tried to help her financially . My family would totally say that even though it is not true.They would never give me a dime even though they are all well off. People don't realize families LIE to cover things up.
    They will also lie and say you are mentally ill even if they are a raging alcoholic and assault their wives..
    If he is writing about his family for money then he is fair game for criticism.After all, he criticizes Tiffany.

    1. I think once he opens the door and takes things public it is open for criticism. He uses their real names. I do not use my name here or identify members of my family by name. I am even open to criticism because of this blog, and YES I have gotten it, based on being fat and having such a severe childhood. But he is FAMOUS and he has USED real names and profited off writing about them, so he is fair game for criticism. Yes the families do LIE, they have no problem in doing it.

      I discovered out and out lies after going NC, it changed my views of many things. They lie to cover things up. My sister and mother hid my sister's cancer from me. If I had discovered that before NC, that would have been enough for me to walk knowing the relationships were dead in the water and no longer worthy of effort.

      With money, we don't know if they really tried to help. I got some help with used cars and some other in my 30s, paid a pound of flesh for it all. One thing I thought about later, is why I got "crumbs" and some help, they never gave real help that would have taken us out of poverty like JOB OPPORTUNITIES they gave others [you know give a guy a fishing pole instead of a fish kind of thing]. Remember my family is connected. The wedding I was disinvited from had multimillionaires in media. You think a writer may have wanted to meet those people?

      Even one ex-friend I ditched, was hiring people for government jobs my husband more then qualified for, for years. I never asked for that help but started wondering about people in certain positions who just never lifted a finger even as they knew about our poverty woes. I have no regrets ending that friendship. I realize some narcs love to slum it.

      Sure nepotism has its limits, but there is a reason some people get helped a certain way and others do not. One narc Uncle just hired his own daughter into his company.

      When I found out with the ex-narc friend that her multimillionaire father had multimillion dollar contracts to produce helmets and other things for the Army with his company he is now retired from, her rapid advancement and rise in the Army made more sense.

      With Tiffany, they had the means to do more then throw a few dollars and "crumbs" at her if that ever happened. Maybe she got a car repair from them once or twice, or the multimillionaires handed her 20 dollars. People like that think you owe them for life.

      Narc families often set people up for sabotage and failure. They will use "mental illness" as an excuse and call someone crazy to throw them away. They will tell the world the person was "too much trouble" and one sees that in the Sedaris defenders.

      Even there one will see narc families have no empathy for mental or physical challenges. I informed mine of my severe Lipedema before I walked. Not one gave a damn or apologized for the abuse for being "fat".

      I remembered the other day a book Amy Sederis wrote, which I read from the library. This book angered me so much I considered writing an angry letter to the publisher...this book sickened me. I did not get the humor. For someone who has been poor most of her adult life, and who does crafts sometimes using cheap materials, and now knowing how Tiffany did art work using "found objects", the real meaning of this book and possible motive behind it weirds me out even more.


      The poor mocking is beyond the pale. In fact the entire book mocks poor people for making "cheap crafts".

    2. "n her follow-up to the best-selling I Like You (2006), Sedaris once again invites us all to remember the “good old days” with her off-the-wall crafting and entertaining suggestions. “Did you know that inside your featureless well-worn husk is a creative you?” she asks. No doubt drawing on and making light of the current economic atmosphere, she notes, “Being poor is a wonderful motivation to be creative”; and most crafts are made with found or salvaged materials. More a vehicle for Sedaris’ knack for farce and costume than a real how-to guide (unless the formula for a “wizard duck costume” marks the realization of your wildest dreams), it nevertheless contains a few useful facts, ideas, and recipes. The true joy of this book lies in its hilarious and amazingly well-styled photo spreads, many featuring Sedaris in one of her uncanny disguises, including a teenager, an elderly shut-in, and Jesus. She devotes equal time to instruction on making homemade sausage, gift-giving, crafting safety, and lovemaking (aka “fornicrafting”). Those looking to make conventional crafts, obviously, should look elsewhere. Everyone else should sit down, have a laugh, and make your very own bean-and-leaf James Brown mosaic. The author and her brother have a considerable following among hip readers of humor, and the appeal of this book will certainly transcend the world of crafters. --Annie Bostrom"

    3. More reviews...here's some negative ones...

      "1.0 out of 5 stars"crafts", apparently produced by someone in the psych ward
      ByAbsintheon December 21, 2012
      Format: Hardcover
      I picked this book up in Barnes and Noble in their bargain section. The first page I happened to open the book up to was page 162-163: the photo spread of the author's Jesus montage. The montage was so freakin' creepy, and so disturbing on so many levels, that it really, *really* looked like the kind of "art" that mentally disturbed psych ward patients make.

      My 14 year old daughter came up while I was looking at the book, and I showed her the pic. Then we started to flip through the book, only to come across the (also creepily presented) soft porn section of the book. I quickly took the book away from my kid and put it back on the shelf. People find the content of that book "funny"? Seriously? I see a bunch of people gave it 5 stars here, which would indicate to me that those people seem think this book is some kind of tour-de-force of the literary world. Which makes me wonder what else they find "funny"... picture books of gutted animals, with their entrails artfully arranged, maybe with a few Jesus figurines thrown in for good measure?

      Anyway, if you like looking at incredibly creepy "WTF?" "art" on random topics (including creepy photos of someone that appears to be doing yoga (?) in a 1970's-era leotard), this is the book for you.

      Have I sufficiently communicated in this review that this book is creepy? It's *CREEPY*."

      {yeah I was creeped out too}

    4. People with disabilities are mocked in the book too.

      1.0 out of 5 starsWow! How sad.
      Bystargazeron January 1, 2011
      Format: Hardcover
      There is something in this book that feeds the fashionable need of the mod cupcake to use what they loosely term 'irony'. In effect, it is an attempt to make oneself feel superior by hating and ridiculing everyone who is different and slightly less attractive than so-called mod perceives themselves to be. Is it some sort of social movement of mass insecurity? A sign of emotional youth? Who knows. I personally think it is a social "movement".

      I read the intro and found a bucketful of bigotry, ageism, misogyny, class consciousness, and basically disgust with everyone 'else'. Presented under the guise of 'aren't I clever' humor. Amy Sedaris has revealed herself to be the Queen of the Mean Girls.

      I've seen Sedaris' work, and generally think her pretty funny. But I've only seen her in skit on the Colbert show. Really, this type of humor is great in skit. But written out in such a self-congratulatory style, it is, to use another reviewers' word, "Icky."

      The opening poem in this book was not simply 'creepy', it was borderline sociopathic. A complete lack of empathy that the poet must share with Sedaris, as the same lack of empathy pervades her work.

      If you want a brilliant example of irony, turn to Twain. Or even to Garrison Keillor, whose capacity for empathy lets his pointed darts strike home like warm fuzzies. The reader wants to KNOW the speaker in their work. Sedaris just doesn't have the talent to sustain the humor for more than a few minutes, and lacks any kind of empathy to be able to land the joke. She's like the girl at the party who keeps the folks in her corner chuckling, but is totally unable to sustain a one on one conversation because everyone is afraid that they will be her next victim. The Mean Girl, who shoots down other folks to cover her own complete inner emptiness.

      That's why so many folk who read this walk away from it feeling cheated and dirty. Because inside the work, where we expect some sort of connection to the kind of reality that makes satirists like Colbert and Stewart such geniuses, deep down there is nothing at all. No connection. Nothing but more meanness.

      Don't waste your money on this."


      "1.0 out of 5 starstasteless humor
      ByKayeNon August 2, 2011
      Format: Hardcover
      I didn't realize this was supposed to be humor and not a cratfs book when someone suggested the book to me. It took me quite awhile to figure out it was supposed to be humorous because the humor was so, well, not humorous.

      There was so much in this book that was truly class-less, but the worst section was the one about cratfs for people with disablities. Sure, let's laugh at people with bipolar disorder or autism. Let's poke fun of chronic pain sufferers and the elderly. The little sketch of the hand that's painfully twisted by arthritis was just so cute and funny. Not! This is humor one might expect in the junior high boy's bathroom. But I would be more forgiving of tween boys because they haven't grown up and learned empathy. What's Amy Sedaris' excuse?

      As for the section on sex, it had nothing to do with crafting, though the author sadly actually tried to make some pathetic connections, demonstrating a junior high bathroom level of intelligence here, again. Very glad I checked this out of the library and didn't buy it. I don't recommend you even bother to check it out of the library. Let it gather dust. That's about the best use for it."


      Learning that a woman wrote a book, MOCKING POOR PEOPLE's CRAFTS when her sister was a "FOUND OBJECT" artist, is deeply disturbing to me on different levels.

      I read this book and it is one of the most disturbing "humor" books I ever have read in my life. I did not find it funny but read it to see where she would take things.

      One thing in America let's not forget narcissism sells.

  3. One of the first things I read when I came across the brother, was the thing he wrote about her being willing to do anything to please the family when she was young, even go out and lie in the road. I was like "BIG alarm bells for Narc family dynamics". I wish I could find the quote. I think it was in one of his books. That people even like these writers shows the level of empathy that's out there.
    That book and the sister sound hideous.

    1. Wow I remember that story, what you wrote her brought it back. yes that is big alarm bells. This is a trap scapegoats can fall into, and do. One reason the Sedaris work sells is because of the level of narcissism in our society. Yes that book is hideous, my view of "Stangers with Candy" has definitely changed massively as well.

  4. Oh, and he seemed OK that the sister would be willing to do anything to please; not concerned for her..

    1. He probably thought she owed it to him.

      One thing as a scapegoat myself this is a position they put me in constantly. I was less of a pleaser and would fight, but even if you fight as a scapegoat it's like fighting against a brick wall until you walk away. it seems Tiffany had some form of LC or NC going doesn't it?

  5. I'm glad readers posted comments against Amy Sedaris' books of platitudes and cliches. They saved our times from reading books that put us to sleep or bore us to death. Narcs write like crap in order to play intellectual games or to show how cool they are. I could tell that certain people are narcs by looking at their written materials. I could also tell that a person is a narc when they rip non-narc people's writing or criticize those who write out of their souls versus those who use many platitudes, cliches, or dry prose or materials. Narcs write about something that is meaningless, empty, and useless, and analyze dead, lifeless topics to death. Amy's writes about useless stuffs and to make fun of Tiffany's arts or what she believes was Tiffany's personality. She is a nightmare for those who suffer from brain diseases or PTSD.

    I don't think she's funny. When she made fun of people, she reminds me of my adopted narc mother who made fun of people and said that she had great sense-of-humor. Because I did not laugh at her "joke" when she made fun of me, my adopted siblings, or other people, she told me and other people that I had no sense of humor. It sounds like Amy and David Sedaris have similar philosophy of sense-of-humor and what is funny. I think narcs hold similar argument what is funny to them and what is good sense-of-humor. I remember reading an article from a narc who claimed that sarcastic people who make fun of others are smarter than those who do not laugh with them or "get their sense-of-humor." I hope Amy Sedaris does not have a child to abuse or torment.

    1. I am glad for their reviews too. Those reviews helped me know I wasn't crazy after I was morally and spiritually sickened by that book. By the way I like humor, I am not someone to go into a tizzy on an off color joke even being a Christian. I think we should attempt to keep things clean but I am not prig, but her book was beyond the pale.

      Some seem to stay that little kid bully for good learning to pick on the weak and vulnerable and laugh AT people instead of with them. I kept thinking didn't they know a poor person may read this book? I guess they didnt care.

      Even Strangers With Candy, I watched that show like a train-wreck. I got the feeling the character was treated the same way I was. Maybe I should see if any are online. She was hated and treated like dirt by her family. Some of the people at the school seemed to care like the art teacher but they were all made jokes of and it was like she deserved her bad treatment. Like an old Charlie Brown in female form getting her butt kicked, but with no mercy and no kindness from friends or family.

      One's soul can appear through writing. One ex narc who trolled me here, her soul showed even darker in her writings in mocking my would be depression and to be happy with her attitude of "or I'll punch you in the face. Writing can reveal a lot. One can see if there is soul there or not. Its true narcs can bore you to death and dry topics to endless misery. Even making fun of crafts and turning it into something dark and evil shows a narc mind. I can see humor crafts but not ones based in complete and utter meanness.

      I don't think she is funny either. The book disturbed me. I used to be bothered reading Sedaris writings from the library not just hers. This was before I knew about narcissism. I always thought they were MEAN.

      Like your adoptive mother, mine mocked people too. In fact that was the majority of time I ever saw my mother laugh or smile. I was told all the time by my narc family I had no sense of humor as they mocked me and others.

      I think they do have a similar humor too. Amy's is more visual obviously with pictures and acting to carry out the attitudes while David's is essays but the same attitude is there.

      I hope too there is not a new generation to go down the same path.

  6. Yes. Sounds like she was trying to go no contact. But maybe did not have enough support or to much past trauma?

    1. Many don't even realize no contact is an option. When I did in the first time, I didn't know what it was. I felt very alone in leaving my family and made to feel guilty and that is why it failed without information and support of the ACON commmunity. All I had were betraying bystanders too. I often wish I had kept that first NC and know I would have found happiness and peace far sooner. So in this case, she may not even known about it or realized it was an option. She definitely had a defacto informal low contact going. Trauma can steer these things off the path too.

  7. It's hard to go NC because some people have to deal with economical abuses and poor support system. People have to fight in order to stay independent. When I started my NC, I had several right people lining up to help me to stay NC and get my life without my abusers. Several people already knew I had been abused so I did not have to explain myself to them. I had a therapist who was ready to write a report on my adopted narc mother if I ever had difficulties staying NC. My godfather was willing to help me get back on my feet after an accident that provoked an incident between my adopted narc mother, an incident that convinced me to go NC. I also lived in a city where I could find social services programs who would not force me to come back to my abusers in order to get back on my feet financially.

    During my first two years of NC, I dealt with people who tried to pressure me to go back to my adopted narc mother. Several people tried to withhold funds and resources from me in order to manipulate me to stop NC. My godfather, therapists, and social services helped me to get resources I needed and in several instances, I had to get a new case worker since the original one was too hostile toward those who left their abusers. There were several instances where I had nothing and I was with those who told me I should stop going NC, and that God wanted me to forgive and forget. When I had nothing, I meant I had no apartment, no jobs, no financial resources, no food, and no one to help. Some people took the easy way out by claiming that God squeezed me out so I could stop NC. I was angry and yelling at that time. I had a falling out with people I met from Intervarsity one week in 1995 because I refused to come back to my abusers. Luckily, my godfather, who helped me from the beginning, gave me money I needed to stay NC while I was on the process of getting my apartment and keep my new job. It took me less than a week to find a job and an apartment. Unfortunately, people had been judgmental when had nothing and was squeezed. I know many ACONs, particularly young adults today and those who are leaving their abusive narc spouse, do not have people lining up to them like that.

    Money and the lack of support from social services programs, spouses, or friends are big reasons why ACONs are still keeping in touch with their malignant narc parents. It's really scary and depressing. As for Tiffany Sedaris, I read somewhere that her father, Lou Sedaris, send her checks and helped her out when she called him for emergency help. I also read somewhere that Lou kicked David out of his house when David came out as gay. And the mother, Sharon Sedaris, died in 1991. Lou was upset with David's books about his family because he felt his late wife could not defend herself from David's "accusations" in his books. Maybe Lou Sedaris was a good person in Tiffany's life. It's too bad that she died. I still question David's claim that she committed suicide.

    1. I agree the economic abuses and just sheer trying to survive has made it harder. Due to Gen Xs and millennials falling economic fortunes, narcissistic parents can abuse even easier and hold more control in the days of student loans and boomer rang kids.

      I am glad you had people helping you and helping you in being independent. Young people going NC need people to help them with life skills and survival especially if they had narc parents that taught them nothing or very little.

      It is true some will tell you to go back to an abusive parent instead of being eligible for social services or other help. Many clueless therapists will give advice to young ACONS, that they need to reconcile, and forgive their narc parents and give out horror stories for those wanting to be free instead of real help and hope. It is true many young ACONs who end up homeless are told GO BACK you are crazy! I was told to go back by people in my 20s who told me "You are poor and very sick and disabled, you need your families help." I had almost died in my 20s of illnesses and was given guilt trips about how I did not want to have things end up badly.

      Many will put pressure on you to go back. Some will call you unforgiving, some will tell you "You must like to be alone or ostracized". I am glad you got help from loving people when you needed it. For many people the narc parents have isolated them and denied them connections to others who would help them. I get the feeling Tiffany was very isolated and they had put the fear of God in her not to step on toes and talk of any truths that may get her siblings fame and careers in trouble.

      Many people do stay in contact with abusers for money reasons. I know help with car repairs and used cars in my 30s [because no transportation for husband for work would have made the bottom fall out] kept me too long in the game. I also feared getting severely ill and was in the fog enough to think that my family may have "duty" after all they helped Aunt Scapegoat out, in helping me out but those conceptions were vaporized pretty quickly. This world is scary enough for people with loving families and if you do not have kinfolk who look out for you its doubly scary.

      That is interesting that Lou helped Tiffany, I don't know much about Lou. How long did he live? It is interesting he was upset by David's books.