Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Someone who Agrees About Tiffany Sedaris
I agree with her opinions about David Sedaris's mother as presented in his writings. I noticed the admiration of his mother too that seemed to be callous as well. Take a listen to the rest, she notices many of the same things I did. She brings up the same article I did, "Now We are Five" and is just as horrified. I took a lot of heat for that article but now I have grown more sure in my views even as I escaped the poisonous dynamics of my own family. She mentions my article and this blog at the 19:00 minute mark. Yes, she is right about how the family dynamics and patterns stand out to ACONS that we see among the Sedaris family.
See: In Defense of Tiffany Sedaris
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Thank you very much for heads up on this video! David Sedaris has been smearing against Tiffany since she died. Based on what we know about narcissistic abuse, their smear campaign, gaslighting abuse and invalidation against their scapegoats, I question David Sedaris' claim that Tiffany has mental illness or that she committed suicide. Narcs will claim that their scapegoat have severe mental illness to invalidate and gaslight those who could not or would not meet their narc supplies. When the scapegoat dies without being murdered or through their diseases or old age, narcs would claim that the scapegoat committed suicide. Tiffany was not famous enough to be mentioned in bigger media until David Sedaris wrote about her and their siblings in several of his books. After she died, very few people know about it until David wrote about her "mental illness" and "suicide" in his piece in "New Yorker" magazine. David did not respect nor care about Tiffany. He likes his other sister, Amy Sedaris, the best. Based on what I read or saw in media and in David's written materials, I got an impression that Tiffany's sisters and David are narcs who looked good over the years. I am posting links now so you could see for yourself what I am talking about,
ReplyDeletehttp://www.vice.com/read/remarkable-messes-0000671-v22n6
Tiffany was not in this family picture. Maybe this picture was taken when Tiffany was in Elan School:
http://scs-assets-cdn.vice.com/int/v22n6/htdocs/remarkable-messes/family-at-the-park.jpg
Tiffany looked very sad in this picture. Look at her sister's hair and "beauty" compared to Tiffany's chopped up hair. Their faces look the same but Tiffany was treated like she was an adoptee rather than one of six biological children in the family. Her sisters and the older brother, David Sedaris, sounds like narcs. The blonde-haired girl next to David Sedaris is an actress named Amy Sedaris. She is an actress who wrote negative things about Tiffany. I also noticed that Amy and David are very close to each other. I am unsure if the youngest brother is a narc:
http://scs-assets-cdn.vice.com/int/v22n6/htdocs/remarkable-messes/just-the-kids.jpg
Tiffany, the ones with the shortest hair cut, and her siblings when they looked like dorks. Tiffany's hair was as short as boys and other girls had longer hair:
http://www.newyorker.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/131028_r24150-1186-1200-11123044.jpg
I have read scapegoats will be smeared after death. This is definitely happening. I think her mental illnesses have been exaggerated, most narc families are full of severe mental illness and other problems but of course the scapegoat's get focused on.
DeleteI notice David has no empathy for her being sent away to that school notorious for abuse. Narcs never have empathy. My whole blog here, shows how mine had nothing but abuse for the severe disease of lipo-lymphedema. I agree about the suicides.
Tiffany's siblings became extraordinary wealthy and famous. I have read Amy's books too, along with Davids and was bothered by the attitudes and world view I saw in both sets of books. I used to watch the show "Strangers with Candy", I used to think that show mocked people with mental illness and who were poor, it really did. So that makes me have other thoughts about scapegoats and how the scapegoats who "fail to launch" or "get rich" in successful families fare and how they are viewed.
I was viewed and labeled as a loser, and this was true even during my art teacher days which looking back astounds me, but they were out to crush me at every angle. I looked at the pictures too and Tiffany looks very sad and bereft, it reminds me of seeing myself in old family pictures. One old memory comes back where I was watching family films with my family at 20 and they made rude remarks about how sad I looked and how I never smiled. I was being abused.
Narc mothers usually are out to destroy the looks of their scapegoat daughters. They deny them dating and female sexuality. They cut their hair extremely short. I had short hair cuts forced on me to the point my high school made fun of me for being "butch" and believed I was a lesbian when I was not.
When I was in contact with the family, I noticed one narc was making one of my cousin's daughters who is very beautiful get short haircuts. I can tell the same was done to Tiffany, they want short haircuts, ugly clothes and often want to masculinze or uglify the scapegoat as much as possible.
I notice a lot of narc lovers on these discussions of Tiffany Sedaris, rant and rave about mentally ill relatives and "moochers" and people who did not make money. One can tell they identify with David and to me that exposes their own narcissism. Some have said we cannot diagnose people with narcissism but we can tell right off when families fit certain patterns because they fit ours. When I see a family gather around to put down someone for being "weird" or an "artist" or "crazy" or a "failure" for having to rent an apartment instead of owning a huge house, this is totally familiar to me. Not only about myself but I listened to years about Aunt Scapegoat being severely mentally ill. They went on and on about it.
Even if David Sedaris WERE putting her down, it is NONE OF ANY OF YOU WACKO'S EFFING BUSINESS...I DIDN'T REALIZE THERE ARE THAT MANY PATHETIC LOSERS LIKE YOU....
DeleteDavid Sedaris has always been honest, briiliant and true to himself....unlike you...a wannabe who rather waste her time gossiping and bad-mouthing(yeah, and making a stupid, rambling video)a world reknown assayist....do you realize how idiot and laughable you look and sound?
He's a public figure who wrote publically about these people using all their real names. Actually I wrote an update on this article where David seemed to realize some of what we were saying and showed some remorse for not defending his sister against his mother's cruelties.
Deletehttp://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2017/06/david-sedaris-recent-admission-about.html
Better a wannabe then a nevertrytobe. LOL Up Yours!
Plus didn't they say they tried to help her financially . My family would totally say that even though it is not true.They would never give me a dime even though they are all well off. People don't realize families LIE to cover things up.
ReplyDeleteThey will also lie and say you are mentally ill even if they are a raging alcoholic and assault their wives..
If he is writing about his family for money then he is fair game for criticism.After all, he criticizes Tiffany.
I think once he opens the door and takes things public it is open for criticism. He uses their real names. I do not use my name here or identify members of my family by name. I am even open to criticism because of this blog, and YES I have gotten it, based on being fat and having such a severe childhood. But he is FAMOUS and he has USED real names and profited off writing about them, so he is fair game for criticism. Yes the families do LIE, they have no problem in doing it.
DeleteI discovered out and out lies after going NC, it changed my views of many things. They lie to cover things up. My sister and mother hid my sister's cancer from me. If I had discovered that before NC, that would have been enough for me to walk knowing the relationships were dead in the water and no longer worthy of effort.
With money, we don't know if they really tried to help. I got some help with used cars and some other in my 30s, paid a pound of flesh for it all. One thing I thought about later, is why I got "crumbs" and some help, they never gave real help that would have taken us out of poverty like JOB OPPORTUNITIES they gave others [you know give a guy a fishing pole instead of a fish kind of thing]. Remember my family is connected. The wedding I was disinvited from had multimillionaires in media. You think a writer may have wanted to meet those people?
Even one ex-friend I ditched, was hiring people for government jobs my husband more then qualified for, for years. I never asked for that help but started wondering about people in certain positions who just never lifted a finger even as they knew about our poverty woes. I have no regrets ending that friendship. I realize some narcs love to slum it.
Sure nepotism has its limits, but there is a reason some people get helped a certain way and others do not. One narc Uncle just hired his own daughter into his company.
When I found out with the ex-narc friend that her multimillionaire father had multimillion dollar contracts to produce helmets and other things for the Army with his company he is now retired from, her rapid advancement and rise in the Army made more sense.
With Tiffany, they had the means to do more then throw a few dollars and "crumbs" at her if that ever happened. Maybe she got a car repair from them once or twice, or the multimillionaires handed her 20 dollars. People like that think you owe them for life.
Narc families often set people up for sabotage and failure. They will use "mental illness" as an excuse and call someone crazy to throw them away. They will tell the world the person was "too much trouble" and one sees that in the Sedaris defenders.
Even there one will see narc families have no empathy for mental or physical challenges. I informed mine of my severe Lipedema before I walked. Not one gave a damn or apologized for the abuse for being "fat".
I remembered the other day a book Amy Sederis wrote, which I read from the library. This book angered me so much I considered writing an angry letter to the publisher...this book sickened me. I did not get the humor. For someone who has been poor most of her adult life, and who does crafts sometimes using cheap materials, and now knowing how Tiffany did art work using "found objects", the real meaning of this book and possible motive behind it weirds me out even more.
https://www.amazon.com/Simple-Times-Crafts-Poor-People/dp/044655703X
The poor mocking is beyond the pale. In fact the entire book mocks poor people for making "cheap crafts".
"n her follow-up to the best-selling I Like You (2006), Sedaris once again invites us all to remember the “good old days” with her off-the-wall crafting and entertaining suggestions. “Did you know that inside your featureless well-worn husk is a creative you?” she asks. No doubt drawing on and making light of the current economic atmosphere, she notes, “Being poor is a wonderful motivation to be creative”; and most crafts are made with found or salvaged materials. More a vehicle for Sedaris’ knack for farce and costume than a real how-to guide (unless the formula for a “wizard duck costume” marks the realization of your wildest dreams), it nevertheless contains a few useful facts, ideas, and recipes. The true joy of this book lies in its hilarious and amazingly well-styled photo spreads, many featuring Sedaris in one of her uncanny disguises, including a teenager, an elderly shut-in, and Jesus. She devotes equal time to instruction on making homemade sausage, gift-giving, crafting safety, and lovemaking (aka “fornicrafting”). Those looking to make conventional crafts, obviously, should look elsewhere. Everyone else should sit down, have a laugh, and make your very own bean-and-leaf James Brown mosaic. The author and her brother have a considerable following among hip readers of humor, and the appeal of this book will certainly transcend the world of crafters. --Annie Bostrom"
DeleteMore reviews...here's some negative ones...
Delete"1.0 out of 5 stars"crafts", apparently produced by someone in the psych ward
ByAbsintheon December 21, 2012
Format: Hardcover
I picked this book up in Barnes and Noble in their bargain section. The first page I happened to open the book up to was page 162-163: the photo spread of the author's Jesus montage. The montage was so freakin' creepy, and so disturbing on so many levels, that it really, *really* looked like the kind of "art" that mentally disturbed psych ward patients make.
My 14 year old daughter came up while I was looking at the book, and I showed her the pic. Then we started to flip through the book, only to come across the (also creepily presented) soft porn section of the book. I quickly took the book away from my kid and put it back on the shelf. People find the content of that book "funny"? Seriously? I see a bunch of people gave it 5 stars here, which would indicate to me that those people seem think this book is some kind of tour-de-force of the literary world. Which makes me wonder what else they find "funny"... picture books of gutted animals, with their entrails artfully arranged, maybe with a few Jesus figurines thrown in for good measure?
Anyway, if you like looking at incredibly creepy "WTF?" "art" on random topics (including creepy photos of someone that appears to be doing yoga (?) in a 1970's-era leotard), this is the book for you.
Have I sufficiently communicated in this review that this book is creepy? It's *CREEPY*."
{yeah I was creeped out too}
People with disabilities are mocked in the book too.
Delete1.0 out of 5 starsWow! How sad.
Bystargazeron January 1, 2011
Format: Hardcover
There is something in this book that feeds the fashionable need of the mod cupcake to use what they loosely term 'irony'. In effect, it is an attempt to make oneself feel superior by hating and ridiculing everyone who is different and slightly less attractive than so-called mod perceives themselves to be. Is it some sort of social movement of mass insecurity? A sign of emotional youth? Who knows. I personally think it is a social "movement".
I read the intro and found a bucketful of bigotry, ageism, misogyny, class consciousness, and basically disgust with everyone 'else'. Presented under the guise of 'aren't I clever' humor. Amy Sedaris has revealed herself to be the Queen of the Mean Girls.
I've seen Sedaris' work, and generally think her pretty funny. But I've only seen her in skit on the Colbert show. Really, this type of humor is great in skit. But written out in such a self-congratulatory style, it is, to use another reviewers' word, "Icky."
The opening poem in this book was not simply 'creepy', it was borderline sociopathic. A complete lack of empathy that the poet must share with Sedaris, as the same lack of empathy pervades her work.
If you want a brilliant example of irony, turn to Twain. Or even to Garrison Keillor, whose capacity for empathy lets his pointed darts strike home like warm fuzzies. The reader wants to KNOW the speaker in their work. Sedaris just doesn't have the talent to sustain the humor for more than a few minutes, and lacks any kind of empathy to be able to land the joke. She's like the girl at the party who keeps the folks in her corner chuckling, but is totally unable to sustain a one on one conversation because everyone is afraid that they will be her next victim. The Mean Girl, who shoots down other folks to cover her own complete inner emptiness.
That's why so many folk who read this walk away from it feeling cheated and dirty. Because inside the work, where we expect some sort of connection to the kind of reality that makes satirists like Colbert and Stewart such geniuses, deep down there is nothing at all. No connection. Nothing but more meanness.
Don't waste your money on this."
****************
"1.0 out of 5 starstasteless humor
ByKayeNon August 2, 2011
Format: Hardcover
I didn't realize this was supposed to be humor and not a cratfs book when someone suggested the book to me. It took me quite awhile to figure out it was supposed to be humorous because the humor was so, well, not humorous.
There was so much in this book that was truly class-less, but the worst section was the one about cratfs for people with disablities. Sure, let's laugh at people with bipolar disorder or autism. Let's poke fun of chronic pain sufferers and the elderly. The little sketch of the hand that's painfully twisted by arthritis was just so cute and funny. Not! This is humor one might expect in the junior high boy's bathroom. But I would be more forgiving of tween boys because they haven't grown up and learned empathy. What's Amy Sedaris' excuse?
As for the section on sex, it had nothing to do with crafting, though the author sadly actually tried to make some pathetic connections, demonstrating a junior high bathroom level of intelligence here, again. Very glad I checked this out of the library and didn't buy it. I don't recommend you even bother to check it out of the library. Let it gather dust. That's about the best use for it."
Some may ask me now, WHAT IS YOUR POINT PEEP IN POSTING THESE REVIEWS?
DeleteLearning that a woman wrote a book, MOCKING POOR PEOPLE's CRAFTS when her sister was a "FOUND OBJECT" artist, is deeply disturbing to me on different levels.
I read this book and it is one of the most disturbing "humor" books I ever have read in my life. I did not find it funny but read it to see where she would take things.
One thing in America let's not forget narcissism sells.
One of the first things I read when I came across the brother, was the thing he wrote about her being willing to do anything to please the family when she was young, even go out and lie in the road. I was like "BIG alarm bells for Narc family dynamics". I wish I could find the quote. I think it was in one of his books. That people even like these writers shows the level of empathy that's out there.
ReplyDeleteThat book and the sister sound hideous.
Wow I remember that story, what you wrote her brought it back. yes that is big alarm bells. This is a trap scapegoats can fall into, and do. One reason the Sedaris work sells is because of the level of narcissism in our society. Yes that book is hideous, my view of "Stangers with Candy" has definitely changed massively as well.
DeleteI remember that quote. I was enjoying his work so much, and when I came across the story you’re mentioning, my heart sank. I stopped reading for a minute and felt awful for her. Something along the lines of “all you needed to do was call her ‘tiff’ and she was putty.” A child so desperately needing to be included like that is evidence of emotional abuse, often from one or both of the parents which the other siblings go along with. David admitted in a radio interview within the past couple of years that his mother didn’t like Tiffany (which usually means she reminds her of herself) and was mean to her and that his siblings should have stood up for her. This is true. There needs to be public awareness about scapegoating and how to handle it. Mean parents” - emotional abuse- does a lot of damage and sibling need to take much more responsibility for repairing that with a scapegoated child instead of still trying to cover the parents favour so the tide doesn’t turn on them.
DeleteOh, and he seemed OK that the sister would be willing to do anything to please; not concerned for her..
ReplyDeleteHe probably thought she owed it to him.
DeleteOne thing as a scapegoat myself this is a position they put me in constantly. I was less of a pleaser and would fight, but even if you fight as a scapegoat it's like fighting against a brick wall until you walk away. it seems Tiffany had some form of LC or NC going doesn't it?
I'm glad readers posted comments against Amy Sedaris' books of platitudes and cliches. They saved our times from reading books that put us to sleep or bore us to death. Narcs write like crap in order to play intellectual games or to show how cool they are. I could tell that certain people are narcs by looking at their written materials. I could also tell that a person is a narc when they rip non-narc people's writing or criticize those who write out of their souls versus those who use many platitudes, cliches, or dry prose or materials. Narcs write about something that is meaningless, empty, and useless, and analyze dead, lifeless topics to death. Amy's writes about useless stuffs and to make fun of Tiffany's arts or what she believes was Tiffany's personality. She is a nightmare for those who suffer from brain diseases or PTSD.
ReplyDeleteI don't think she's funny. When she made fun of people, she reminds me of my adopted narc mother who made fun of people and said that she had great sense-of-humor. Because I did not laugh at her "joke" when she made fun of me, my adopted siblings, or other people, she told me and other people that I had no sense of humor. It sounds like Amy and David Sedaris have similar philosophy of sense-of-humor and what is funny. I think narcs hold similar argument what is funny to them and what is good sense-of-humor. I remember reading an article from a narc who claimed that sarcastic people who make fun of others are smarter than those who do not laugh with them or "get their sense-of-humor." I hope Amy Sedaris does not have a child to abuse or torment.
I am glad for their reviews too. Those reviews helped me know I wasn't crazy after I was morally and spiritually sickened by that book. By the way I like humor, I am not someone to go into a tizzy on an off color joke even being a Christian. I think we should attempt to keep things clean but I am not prig, but her book was beyond the pale.
DeleteSome seem to stay that little kid bully for good learning to pick on the weak and vulnerable and laugh AT people instead of with them. I kept thinking didn't they know a poor person may read this book? I guess they didnt care.
Even Strangers With Candy, I watched that show like a train-wreck. I got the feeling the character was treated the same way I was. Maybe I should see if any are online. She was hated and treated like dirt by her family. Some of the people at the school seemed to care like the art teacher but they were all made jokes of and it was like she deserved her bad treatment. Like an old Charlie Brown in female form getting her butt kicked, but with no mercy and no kindness from friends or family.
One's soul can appear through writing. One ex narc who trolled me here, her soul showed even darker in her writings in mocking my would be depression and to be happy with her attitude of "or I'll punch you in the face. Writing can reveal a lot. One can see if there is soul there or not. Its true narcs can bore you to death and dry topics to endless misery. Even making fun of crafts and turning it into something dark and evil shows a narc mind. I can see humor crafts but not ones based in complete and utter meanness.
I don't think she is funny either. The book disturbed me. I used to be bothered reading Sedaris writings from the library not just hers. This was before I knew about narcissism. I always thought they were MEAN.
Like your adoptive mother, mine mocked people too. In fact that was the majority of time I ever saw my mother laugh or smile. I was told all the time by my narc family I had no sense of humor as they mocked me and others.
I think they do have a similar humor too. Amy's is more visual obviously with pictures and acting to carry out the attitudes while David's is essays but the same attitude is there.
I hope too there is not a new generation to go down the same path.
I used to adore David Sedaris - prior to his unkind story about his sister Tiffany and her 'hoofs'. That absolutely was it for me - as I fully recognize that behavior. He's all over FB with the ads for his writing master class - with nothing but hundreds of effusive comments glowing over his genius. It's good to see that there are some that are able to have compassion for what his unfortunate sister had to endure in that family of self- congratulatory narcs. It still makes me feel sick that so often the real story is missed - and a-holes like DS and his so unfunny sister Amy - carry on without missing a beat............
DeleteI wrote a more recent article about David Sedaris make sure to check it out...
Deletehttps://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2019/10/david-sedariss-comment-about-tiffany-in.html
For me the dynamics are too close to home to ignore. At a book club that read his latest book in the post above, many people said while he was "funny" and intellectual, and I agree he is at times, they said they discerned a streak of meanness and all agreed they did not like how Tiffany was treated. You will find quotes in that article of interest. Amy concerns me, saw a video about her apartment which did have interesting things in it, but look more like a "crafted set" then a place to actually live in. I am glad others too joined to stand up for Tiffany over the last few years. There was too much we could not ignore.
Yes. Sounds like she was trying to go no contact. But maybe did not have enough support or to much past trauma?
ReplyDeleteMany don't even realize no contact is an option. When I did in the first time, I didn't know what it was. I felt very alone in leaving my family and made to feel guilty and that is why it failed without information and support of the ACON commmunity. All I had were betraying bystanders too. I often wish I had kept that first NC and know I would have found happiness and peace far sooner. So in this case, she may not even known about it or realized it was an option. She definitely had a defacto informal low contact going. Trauma can steer these things off the path too.
DeleteIt's hard to go NC because some people have to deal with economical abuses and poor support system. People have to fight in order to stay independent. When I started my NC, I had several right people lining up to help me to stay NC and get my life without my abusers. Several people already knew I had been abused so I did not have to explain myself to them. I had a therapist who was ready to write a report on my adopted narc mother if I ever had difficulties staying NC. My godfather was willing to help me get back on my feet after an accident that provoked an incident between my adopted narc mother, an incident that convinced me to go NC. I also lived in a city where I could find social services programs who would not force me to come back to my abusers in order to get back on my feet financially.
ReplyDeleteDuring my first two years of NC, I dealt with people who tried to pressure me to go back to my adopted narc mother. Several people tried to withhold funds and resources from me in order to manipulate me to stop NC. My godfather, therapists, and social services helped me to get resources I needed and in several instances, I had to get a new case worker since the original one was too hostile toward those who left their abusers. There were several instances where I had nothing and I was with those who told me I should stop going NC, and that God wanted me to forgive and forget. When I had nothing, I meant I had no apartment, no jobs, no financial resources, no food, and no one to help. Some people took the easy way out by claiming that God squeezed me out so I could stop NC. I was angry and yelling at that time. I had a falling out with people I met from Intervarsity one week in 1995 because I refused to come back to my abusers. Luckily, my godfather, who helped me from the beginning, gave me money I needed to stay NC while I was on the process of getting my apartment and keep my new job. It took me less than a week to find a job and an apartment. Unfortunately, people had been judgmental when had nothing and was squeezed. I know many ACONs, particularly young adults today and those who are leaving their abusive narc spouse, do not have people lining up to them like that.
Money and the lack of support from social services programs, spouses, or friends are big reasons why ACONs are still keeping in touch with their malignant narc parents. It's really scary and depressing. As for Tiffany Sedaris, I read somewhere that her father, Lou Sedaris, send her checks and helped her out when she called him for emergency help. I also read somewhere that Lou kicked David out of his house when David came out as gay. And the mother, Sharon Sedaris, died in 1991. Lou was upset with David's books about his family because he felt his late wife could not defend herself from David's "accusations" in his books. Maybe Lou Sedaris was a good person in Tiffany's life. It's too bad that she died. I still question David's claim that she committed suicide.
I agree the economic abuses and just sheer trying to survive has made it harder. Due to Gen Xs and millennials falling economic fortunes, narcissistic parents can abuse even easier and hold more control in the days of student loans and boomer rang kids.
DeleteI am glad you had people helping you and helping you in being independent. Young people going NC need people to help them with life skills and survival especially if they had narc parents that taught them nothing or very little.
It is true some will tell you to go back to an abusive parent instead of being eligible for social services or other help. Many clueless therapists will give advice to young ACONS, that they need to reconcile, and forgive their narc parents and give out horror stories for those wanting to be free instead of real help and hope. It is true many young ACONs who end up homeless are told GO BACK you are crazy! I was told to go back by people in my 20s who told me "You are poor and very sick and disabled, you need your families help." I had almost died in my 20s of illnesses and was given guilt trips about how I did not want to have things end up badly.
Many will put pressure on you to go back. Some will call you unforgiving, some will tell you "You must like to be alone or ostracized". I am glad you got help from loving people when you needed it. For many people the narc parents have isolated them and denied them connections to others who would help them. I get the feeling Tiffany was very isolated and they had put the fear of God in her not to step on toes and talk of any truths that may get her siblings fame and careers in trouble.
Many people do stay in contact with abusers for money reasons. I know help with car repairs and used cars in my 30s [because no transportation for husband for work would have made the bottom fall out] kept me too long in the game. I also feared getting severely ill and was in the fog enough to think that my family may have "duty" after all they helped Aunt Scapegoat out, in helping me out but those conceptions were vaporized pretty quickly. This world is scary enough for people with loving families and if you do not have kinfolk who look out for you its doubly scary.
That is interesting that Lou helped Tiffany, I don't know much about Lou. How long did he live? It is interesting he was upset by David's books.
Tiffany may of been suffering from lead exposure, there is a strong connection in her activities and symptoms
ReplyDeleteI don't know...she appeared from all reports to have an average or above average IQ etc.
Deletelead exposure while an adult. read about lead exposure how it can occur and the affects
DeleteI am convinced from reading about Tiffany, there was lead exposure, how much hard to know. Stained glass, finish stripping are activities at great risk for exposures particularly when the exposures are chronic. The health affects of lead exposure are many, but I highlight what I read about, depression, anxiety, confusion, bipolar inability to focus and concentrate. In women the affects are amplified by alcohol. I heard she was diagnosised with bipolar and more and taking prescribed drugs that likely amplified her condition. I would urge someone that knew her closed talk to Dr with experience in lead exposures. Without a doubt lead contributed. She knew something was wrong, she went to a Doctor for help but left with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, that misdiagnosis has happened b4, there are studies on the very subject.
ReplyDeletePeep I finally after years of self sequestration found it therapeutic to disclose everything about the abuse I suffered at my mothers hands. Instead of wondering why I am suffering from a terminal disease that was caused by the stress she subjected us to. As well as my mal-adapted coping mechanisms. I mostly wonder how I made it this far and still be alive.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you have made it this far, I never talked about these things easier, just lived in the land of low contact denial for 20 years thinking I could change things with them. Things got worse when husband lost his good jobs and we got poorer, the disrespect raised a few notches. I know my health was destroyed under the stresses given to me by the narcissists, I almost died pretty young too,so I am surprised to still be here too and to have gotten this old. Only problem is, I spent so many years just trying to survive, the impact of what I have missed out on is hitting me lately very hard. Did you ever feel that way?
DeleteAnd one more point If there was a golden child in our family dynamic it was me. Ans I am here to tell you it is not what it is cracked up to be. I euphemistically call myself the scapegoat of last resort. If any thing I got the biggest shock of all. When I finally found out she held me in less regard to her regular scapegoats. Believe me, I barely got out alive.
ReplyDeleteI think some golden children find out they are nothing too, though I think you got transferred to scapegoat and your ex had become the new goldenchild in later years, some do switch the roles they try to give others. Yeah no one means anything to these monsters. Even my mother's Mini-Me is nothing to her.
DeleteThe last interaction David Sedaris had with his sister Tiffany before she died by suicide:
ReplyDeleteThe two had a difficult relationship and had not spoken for four years when she appeared unannounced at one of his readings in Boston. She called to him from the stage door to the theater. Sedaris ignored her, turned to a nearby security guard and asked him to shut the door. He never saw her again.
How awful. Imagine having to live with that.
Full interview here:
http://time.com/5311412/david-sedaris-calypso-interview/
I personally knew and loved Tiffany. Met her when I was 21 in Raleigh, she was living at home and had a fun sarcastic relationship with her brother Paul and her parents. At the time Amy still lived at home and was waiting tables.
ReplyDeleteTiffany was hilarious but she was also very difficult. She would turn on a dime. Love you and feed you, compliment you and bend over backwards for you, and then you were dead to her because she misinterpreted something.
Years later I ended up in Boston and tracked her down. I was excited at the thought of catching up. We hibg out a couple if times and then she called me accusing me of something I still don't quite understand. I was seated next to an old boyfriend of hers at a Christmas party, I didn't know,I didn't know he was her old boyfriend, she had been the one who did the breaking up so I was a little thrown by the accusation. I tried to talk to her, but she never spoke to me again. Year's later when I was in Raleigh I heard she was in town and called her dad Lou. He was very nice and wanted she and I to see one another but she wouldn't consider talking to me.
I loved Tiffany and only wished her well but she lived a life of distrust and clung to past grievances I know her stint at Elan left scars but if you are unwilling to move forward and let go tgat cant be blamed on her family.
Nobody knows you like family, and yes there's another side of us all that differentiates us from our family but invalidate what they ecperienced. Tiffany had some genuine problems, she would walk into burger king and talk to everyone, not individually but like she was in stage as an entertainer, and the she could just as easily start a fight.
Maybe you should just consider that Lisa, David, Gretchen ,Amy and Paul all knew Tiffany in a way we never did. They loved her but when she was reckless it affected them, her death has left a mark on them that you clearly don't understand.
Btw, I appreciated David's New Yorker story. I'm from a family of 7, actually I'm one of those family's David refers to as 'every other' house. I grew up down the street. We went to a beach cottage one week a summer and I gave a sister who is a disrupter. She's beautiful and loving but she's exhausting and I think I understand. Maybe you should all try to also understand.
Imagine being scapegoated all the time, which includes smear campaigns, trust and spontaneity end at that door. I've had a few people [cousins and others] in the family tell me, "you gave us false accusations" but when I got down to the core of things, there was real disrespect I was reacting against.
DeleteHere is where the smoke and fog and mirrors labels the scapegoat as "difficult" where if a person was to bring up a person's ex among a normal person, they could say "Don't go there." and that would be respected, but a scapegoat, they are "paranoid", "over-reacting" and always WRONG no matter what they do or say. Maybe she erred truly and she came too quick to judgment in your case, but understand this is the back story. A scapegoat is always put in the place of having to defend themselves.
I had to cut everyone off who chose my family and saw me as only they did. Notice here in this article how my cousin calls me "paranoid", that is the whirlwind the scapegoat gets caught in, and honestly the only way to fix it is to walk.
https://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2016/10/am-i-paranoid-do-my-feelings-make.html
So did she misinterpret things? Maybe, Maybe not, but the overall abuse and disrespect that forms a scapegoat's existence is horrible. There's a few on the outer ring who may not have malicious intent. I don't think my cousin had malicious intentions, but you see he had been programmed to see me a certain way as paranoid and difficult.
This is one way a scapegoat's life can be destroyed even in subtle ways by the narcissistic smear campaigns. My rule never to live in a town as an adult that any relatives lived in I believe saved me from a lot more grief. I couldn't trust anyone who was friendly with my mother and family for you see they infused that poison. I wasn't imagining it. I had no other choice.
Some may consider that draconian, but what else could be done? You see for I was WRONG, no matter what I said or did or in any attempts to fix the situation.
The fact you knew the rest of her family and gained a negative picture of her via them does not surprise me. You remind me of my cousin, you aren't a malicious guy or gal, you seemed to have real fond feelings for Tiffany--I believe my cousin had some for me, but the overall picture is there. You were programmed to see her as "the problem", just like what happened to me.
I do not agree with your statement, "No one knows you like family". My family does not know me and I am a stranger to them and vice versa. Did Tiffany have genuine problems? Most likely. I have problems, but those don't arise in a vacuum. It's interesting to me how the problems of others are deemed acceptable in these family systems while for others it is used as an excuse for how they are disrespected.
continuing...
DeleteHer entire family were all entertainers, so she copied that example. It looked like a free-for all from what David writes with everyone competing with who can be SEEN. As for love, since I don't personally know these people, who knows, I had David's words to go on and other pieces of the puzzle, but I don't believe many scapegoats are loved. Love means respect you see, and I can tell that was lacking very much so. My family does not love me and it was something I had to face.
I was considered "exhausting" even being a quiet bookworm Aspie. Some people on first glance consider me dull and boring until they find out I have a mind. I'm no drama queen, I'm a retreater to the background if anything and an extreme introvert. But the scapegoaters labeled me a certain way. Same with Tiffany.
While the world applauds the extroversion of her siblings, her own extroversion is seen as "difficulty". No one that ever knew my family or mother ever saw me in any decent way.
I dare say the same happened to Tiffany. Even normal human personality traits when one is scapegoated are seen as "bad" and dysfunctional. Even if she had mental illness, I can tell she was seen "at fault". Even in my own anxiety disorders and depression, I was a "bad" person even though they instigated all that to begin with. One giant cost of being a scapegoat is how disrespect becomes the smoke they walk in sometimes for life until they manage to get out. This is why so many of us end up going no contact with the entire family and even all those who knew them.
Frankly, sounds like she had BPD. High rate of suicide, splitting, “turns on a dime”. It’s heritable.
DeleteI don't know if she had BPD or not. The whole family system was sick. With "splitting" that's more narcissist territory is it not? Some scapegoats get dragged back in sadly trying to convince themselves their rotten family members have a heart, and that can make them look like splitters. Why wouldn't one turn on a dime, when spun between would be narcissists that rotate from love-bombing you to smearing you. BPD can come from abuse too as well.
DeleteA lot of the reviews on here sound like you're narcissists 🤷♀️ Which is often par for the course when raised by them. At the very least, many of you clearly still have "fleas."
ReplyDeleteLOL which reviews? Projection is ever the tool of narcissists. I get kind of creeped out when someone defends abuse/abusers of anyone. No one here is claiming perfection but it's obvious when someone has been scapegoated.
DeleteI cannot find the original YouTube channel with the lady who also spoke about her narcissistic mom and did a great piece on tiffany et al also in Spanish some bits. Anyone know where her channel went? Thanks
ReplyDeleteI don't know, I felt disappointed too, to see that it was taken down. A lot of ACON blogs and websites do vanish, I figure some don't want the unease inside on them being discovered? My blog covered more then ACON stuff so I keep it going. I find myself worrying some gave in and went back to the families, hope she did not. :( There was this one guy who even had a blog warning of a very abusive pastor father, and he got sucked back into the system, and this was admitted elsewhere.
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