One thing to remember is if you "fight" back, the narcissists can use it. While being no contact all these years, the best response is silence. No more angry letters, or telling anyone off. There's nothing more to say and if I said what I was feeling, it would just dig the holes deeper. I realized with the family, I would never be heard, and while I attempted positive relationships free of any discussion of the narcissists, it was impossible, especially given the fact, many were serving as enablers and messenger boys and girls. I said angry words to my brother 4 months many of which were true before I went no contact with him, but it was just basically shouting to the wind. With narcissists, you always lose. The only way to win is not to play the game. There is no "winning" here, that is why I "quit".
I am being majorly hoovered again. It is another attempt to "buy me" using my immense financial pressures, and my brother basically wrote me the same exact words as my sister did three years ago which was shocking and dismaying on another level. The refusal to "let me just go in peace" has given me deep concern especially this many years in and this soon after my aunt's funeral which I did not attend. I am attempting to not write about them or even think about them so much but was blowing off some steam online. My emails and PMs need stronger blocking as well.
When I was young, I was not a Christian yet and well raised in the crucible of the narcissists there was plenty of fleas to dealt with. On a message board when someone asked "What was your biggest act of defiance against your narcissists?" I did a new post about the time I went to my sister's wedding dressed up in a goth outfit wearing black lace, lace on my head and buckles on my shoes and goth signia. While there was some outraged looks at the start, my sister was not crying in the corner. My parents told me I "ruined" the wedding, but I was just on the peripheral. The wedding proceeded as planned. Today the outfit I wore probably would barely draw attention but back then wearing black alone to a wedding was a giant faux paus. I probably wrote too gleefully about this day, remember this was my act of defiance in "fighting back". My sister had joined in the abuse with my parents and done so for a long time.
A board opposed to the ACON message board posted against me and said, I was a horrible person in trying to ruin my sister's wedding. The guy running it is some sort of financial advisor who seems like a narcissist himself ready to dance on the pain of ACONs, and telling them that they are "weak". They said it was very narcissist. I didn't do it for attention, and really didn't get any. It was the way I thought of standing up at the time. The blow to my self esteem was so immense in being told "I'd ruin the pictures from being so fat". These messages were multiple that year. Remember the credit card that was stolen from me? It was used for wedding expenses. I was angry. Twenty-five years ago, I didn't know how to channel it properly.
To the people I was dealing with I was a fly speck and my act of defiance didn't change that. The me of today, would tell someone about to wear black to wedding, just stay home, that would send a "stronger" message especially since you are about to go "no contact" like I did that first time. One thing if you are dealing with evil people and wrestle in the mud with them, the mud will splatter on you. It's always better to just get away. Some of us to become the person we are meant to become, we have to walk from the entire family system and confront our fleas. My family never brought out the best in me but the worse. In that way alone, it was best to depart.