It's time to be done. I will still write about narcissism in general among other topics on the blog but there will be no more tales of Queen Spider, Mini-Me and her brainwashed minions who never deviated from her scripts. I'm walking away for good. I'm done. Filling my brain with some people I haven't even seen in 7-10 years is a bit much.
While I may write about narcissism in general, I plan to take the blog into other topics, including the obesity topics I have always continued with and cultural ones. Hopefully I can post more artwork too. I'm done writing about the family and my mother. It's time to get them out of my mind. I have thrown my hands up on the whole affair. I am finished with the whole lot. My comic has references to my life experiences so that will be an exception but I know I have to be done. If anything new crazy happens against my will, I also will share, but the close-out has to be final now. Legally I do not have to talk to or deal with anyone I do not want to.
No Contact recovery can be thwarted if you let too many flying monkeys into your space. My brother served as a messenger boy for my mother without fail. On that last phone call when he told me my aunt had died, he gave me the whole "get over it" line and "get back in line" spiel. He couldn't admit my mother had done anything wrong, he knows what side his bread is buttered on I guess. None of them will ever listen. They all believe in and are attached to the whole sick system. Watching my aunt even in death be labeled "rebel" and "black sheep" told me the time to walk was long over due. My grief has been great. The betrayals have sunk to a new low. I guess you can tell I won't be attending the memorial service.
I also spent enough time trying to get some of them to "listen". It was impossible. There was no removing them from the brainwashing of my mother and her fellow narcissists. Some were the most brain dead withholding people on the planet. If any of them see this blog they can have fun one day reading about themselves. I'm a stranger to so many and most believed the smear campaigns. We are all strangers. No more wasting time on them. No more cards that are ignored to stranger nieces and nephews, no more trying to communicate to blank walls, no more trying.
I have to get my life together and find a better place to be. I can't fix this dwelling on them anymore.
Man do I know where you are coming from. I sit alone in my room and tell myself I am sick of obsessing on them and there will be a line in a movie or even a commercial where a nuclear family is depicted as a forgone conclusion and like old faithful I find myself spewing all over again. Don't feel bad if you need to vent later I am sure people with narc parents won't hold it against you. I should speak for myself. I won't hold it against you. It's next to impossible to get it all out and be done with it. I wish they really had a machine like in that movie "eternal sunshine of a spotless mind" I would go into hock to get treatment.
ReplyDeleteOne mean narc ex-friend said to me once, "Im sick of you ruminating about your family" The scary thing is I was already censoring so much and telling myself in my head, "keep quiet" "keep quiet" but the emotions were seeping out. She had three grown kids with good jobs, grandbabies, and cousins, siblings and parents who had always been there for her. She just couldn't conceive and had no empathy. She was another one who took a shot at me for my grief and pain. Now I have smartened up and keep my mouth shut about them with everyone new, even being "friends" with someone for years it's still not safe in some cases.
DeleteYes I can't promise there will no venting later, thanks, if something happens I would have to. Like if they show up at my door or do other things to torture me, like sending out another "spy" get the goods on me or showing up unwanted at my door. I am sure other ACONs could understand. The real world seems to be busy silencing and shaming me for everything "bad" that has happened. I feel more like a silent cipher, trying not to offend the happy pod people who always want everyone to have "happy endings".
Someone who can't seem to "succeed" in health and financial recovery is anathema to them. I can say I tried in all areas but with the family, I got headaches banging my head against the wall of a sociopathic narc who has "won" them all. I'm done.
I think some of them manage to live in the "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind", probably doing away with their souls helped with that. LOL about going in hock. I know I wish I could clean my brain out from all the pain from the betrayals. No more crying when I see loving nuclear families or friends who speak lovingly of deceased mothers on Facebook. Hopefully time will heal this.
There is a void, I never will be able to recover, like it wasn't bad enough dealing with a disease that turned me into an "Elephant Woman" and the constant shaming poverty. I hopefully can keep a car running and have some time sitting in peace in the woods or something. I may just run away too, and try to get a clean slate, though that may take some time too unless I see some improvements here quick, we will be doing a life dismantling and restarted elsewhere. I did it when we left Chicago and it brought some good years even though I had to fight to stay alive in the meantime and Ill do it again.
I haven't felt right since I moved here 9 years ago. I realize now I had lost the "families" I managed to form. Too many losses does affect people. The people who treated me like crap for having a family like this were no better then them. I am thankful for my ACON friends like you Q.
There is a reason someone coined the term Malignant Narcissist. Because they really do eat people and whole families from the inside out. All our family was, could have been, or might have made of itself was obliterated with a stroke of a pen. If she had not choked the life out of us we/I probably could have made it on my/our own. It's only in hindsight that you can see all the ways they undermine your life. This guy really sums it up.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.snopes.com/media/iftrue/obituary.asp
Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing. Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too. But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself.
As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again. There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for all of us, GOOD BYE, MOM.
I agree there is a reason they came up with it. They do eat people and families alive. My life was destroyed by this woman. Ever since the Lipedema diagnosis I thought about what decent medical care at the right time would have done and for my lungs too. If only I had been able to make it on my own too. Yes they choked the life out of us even the emotional lives. I have to walk from those enslaved to the system. The ACONs who get allies are very fortunate. I'm walking away even from my feeling of aloneness and the fact they all treat me to a degree like she did. No one ever said they were sorry and never will. Yes he sums it up, I miss having a good kind and mother. I missed having a real family. I never did. I even thought about those years where I was dying in the ghetto, none of the siblings, aunts and uncles or cousins helped either. No one cared. I'm so done. If they show up at my door any of them it's being slammed in their face. Hopefully soon none of them will even know where I am.
DeleteMe too. I remember when I was 15 and my brother punched me out so hard, I saw stars, the brother that is still alive, and he was well over the age of consent. He was 19 or 20, well able to understand fully what he was doing, and that it was wrong. I don't want anything to do with him ever again. I might write about that soon, I remember that in details right down to the look on his face. Hey, if God in his eternal goodness and perfection can hold people accountable for their actions, then who am I to give them the "benefit of the doubt". So yeah, good for you.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, if we need to talk about it when the need be its ok.
Yes if I need to talk about it again, I can't promise it will never come up. How do I go to the grief counselors for a ruined life? Your brother should have been arrested for what he did to you. I hope you do right about that. Mine "punched" me verbally for years even with their sneerings and joke put-downs. Yeah let God deal with them. I don't want to work on a failing proposition anymore. I'm sure my mother will clean out Aunt Scapegoat's apartment like a vulture. They all be kissing her butt at the memorial service. Oh she 'loved" the woman so much she basically destroyed. {Barf} They will all believe it or at least pretend to believe it. Thanks for your understanding Joan. I hope you do write about your brother.
DeleteThanks, I just wrote about it and it was like a continuation of what you wrote.
DeleteI think your doing the right thing! Focus on the good people and things in your life instead!
ReplyDeleteMy brother was my last flying monkey also, and I finally had to cut him off. They will never listen or respect you because they're narcs...
I ended up getting really into creative things with all that emotional energy no longer going into thinking about them!
It didn't help my health any, but you never know; maybe it will improve yours..
If you have thoughts about them , just quickly try to move on to something else.
If it all comes back up again, don't beat yourself up. Each time just try to move on more quickly and learn to trust yourself more.
Suki
I agree. Thanks Suki, yes they will never listen nor respect us, you got that right. Glad it helped you with creative activities but its too bad it didn't improve your health, thanks.
DeleteI'm glad you got rid of your family. You just showed me that my therapist was very wise when he told me to cut everyone in my adopted family. He told me they would betray me because I was not their blood relatives. My supportive adopted grandparents turned against me, and my siblings struggled a lot. My adopted uncles told me that they had to consider their sister's (my adopted mother) feelings so they would not help me. So I cut everyone off and did not deal with them for 26 years.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your nicer relatives chose to let you down and listen to your narc. I think you did a right thing letting them go. You have a great husband and several quality friends. Hope you will find something to keep your minds away from them, and this year will be better than the last.
Thanks anon, You had a very good rare therapist who knew narc family dynamics. I was betrayed over and over or flat out ignored and treated like I had no importance. So sorry your supportive grandparents turned on you. One thing I warn people even if you warn people about the narc when young and they "seem" sympathetic, they will still kiss narc butt and throw you under the bus for the sake of status and being accepted within the family system. Yes they only care about narc feelings. Even my "nice" cousins spoke lovingly of my mother, the fact none were outraged over the lies told me about my deceased aunt told me everything I wanted to know. One as I posted about some time ago did the devaluing thing. Yes they will not help us either. They always let me down especially my brother and my sister was just like my NM. There is no other choice but to let them go. I never will be valued or loved and was hurting myself letting the flying monkeys at me. They all obey and follow her with no hesitation. I hope I can get my mind away from them too. I need to get a different life that much is sure. Husband understands why I am walking they never treated him very well either.
DeletePeep,
ReplyDeleteYou and fellow ACONS have got to view this video.
http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/01/gaslit-poem/
She nails the ever illusive and covert abuse tactic we are all so familiar with - gas lighting. Nails it!
Great Poem! I posted it. Thanks
DeleteFriends are the family you choose :)
ReplyDelete