Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Platonic Catfishing?

"Just when i thought everything was good
My friend i guess misunderstood
thought we had mutual respect
Now i see the times that we get
So becareful who u choose as a friends
For they might let u down in the end...
Just when i thought a real good friend i found they pic you up u to let down

them let u down down down
them let you down down down,
down down down down

So my son always bear in mind
A faithful friend is hardest thing to find,
it is better an open enemy
A false friend is hardest thing to see cause,
when times are good, well a friends are plenty
In times of trouble, well not one in twenty,
Just when i thought a real good friend I've found
pick you up and let you down, eh

The other day I was channel surfing and saw the show on MTV called Catfishing for the first time. I don't always trust reality TV and am sure that some of it is scripted, but some poor shy 20 something year old kid was meeting the woman he thought he had fallen in love with online and who he wanted to marry and she was a fake.  He got suspicious however when none of the promised meetings ever happened, and so he brought MTV with him to confront the woman who was something like 20 years older and lied about who she really was to him. Catfishing is usually seem in the romantic context, where someone dallies with the affairs of the heart, but it can be liars that also scam for money and present themselves as false platonic online friends too.

If you write anything online, that has elements of whistle-blowing or where you share controversial opinions about size acceptance or other matters that upset people,  you can get yourself some enemies, who want you to shut up and want the goods on you at the very least. Whoever this person was, they seemed to want to clean out my brain and then walk away. Well there isn't much dirt to know.  Come on, I lay out almost my entire life on this blog and if I tell someone about it's existence, they are getting a front row seat.  Your blog may be small potatoes but maybe it's gotten some unwanted attention.

My opinions about obesity and size acceptance ARE CONTROVERSIAL. Whistleblowers and those commenting on society aren't always the most welcome at the party. I had a few try to love-bomb me and become instant friends, one blogger whose blog turned into the Heal Narcissists blog,  who seemed to worshipped at the altar of the expert on narcs who is a self avowed psychopath, tried to buddy up with me via email and failed. Well someone did wiggle in recently who I wrote about here.

I have wondered recently if they were a "Catfisher" of sorts. They showed me a few pictures, but then they were very extremely limited, maybe it was pictures of someone else? On their Facebook wall there was no picture after 1988. I was friendly and showed them tons of photos hoping they would open up or maybe give me a pic from the year 2000. Here was a place where I just wasn't careful enough.

My husband has told me he wants me to be careful who I befriend online. I have met VERY good friends online, include one  friend I have known for 12 years, another friend I met on Facebook two years ago, my one deceased friend of 17 years, my Aspie circle of friends which includes several people and who I have known 10-15 years and they are all good friends who have been there for me in all ways that count even if we all live far away from another. I also as well have my ACON contacts and friends and others through this blog. This time I got so badly burned, I'm retreating, knowing I am too vulnerable. While this blog is anonymous on line, I need to be more careful who I share it with. The trusted friends I never got burned, but with others, you will.

The internet can be wild and wooly place and remember we are the first generation dealing with the social ins and outs of internet socialization. We can have things go bad. I believe with the TV shows detailing Catfishing that is just the tip of the ice berg of what is happening out there. It doesn't have to be someone who wants money or is part of some bigger agenda. It can just be someone who enjoys screwing with people and messing with their minds.

I realized someone "mirrored" me to the extreme. What do I mean by "mirroring" where someone acts like they are just like you, where you think "Oh I have found one of my tribe?"  They told me they shared a lot of problems with me. I thought and this is very dangerous, "Now this is someone who will understand". That is one major red flag. Another is love bombing. I wonder how I fell for things but at least it was only some months wasted instead of longer. No money was involved only, just a false friend I bared my soul too and then I realized was telling me things that did not add up. I had to learn even if someone shares deep and personal things with you, it doesn't mean you are safe to do likewise.

Some may ask "Why do you think they were a catfisher?" instead of a sincere person you simply were not compatible with? The instant bonding, the deep desire to influence me on everything from obesity topics to religious ones, like they were wiggling into my mind trying to change it on everything.  It also  included seeking out close bonding to get me to open up and to share very personal things--here is where mirroring took it's greatest toll, and then the absolute silence when I asked them to explain some stories and medical claims that didn't make any sense and didn't add up. I felt like someone played me and played me big. I'm done with them now.

 Be careful who you open yourself up to online. With many friends, it worked out great for me, but with this one, I am left with a bad taste in my mouth and realizing some depths of human deception, I couldn't even fathom and you all know how much I have seen.


  1. I have heard from the beginning that sociopaths tell you too much too soon to sort of force you into an artificial closeness and then go in for the kill later.

    1. That's exactly what happened here. They opened way up, and due to their high number of would be shared and other experiences, with me, I fell for it, they did go in for the kill. I lost 4 health related online friends on Facebook within 1 day of this fake friendship going poof, so the smears have already begun.

  2. Sounds like you got rid of an evil catfisher. Q1605 is right on target when he said that sociopaths tell you too much too soon in order to force closeness to you. These things happened to me 8-10 years ago with a crazy online lady who claimed that she was a close friend with an actor. I met her in a Yahoo group on this actor because of a movie we watched in 2005. Gabriela organized that group and told everyone that she had insider's information in this actor because they were classmates and close friends.

    Gabriela targeted me because I did not know about covert, malignant NPD and sociopathy as we know today. Gabriela started my birthday by telling me that an actor wanted to chat with me. I felt honored talking to an actor as a birthday present. The short birthday chat turned out to be two-years of destructive catfishing, love bombing, devaluing, emotional and mental abuses, financial abuse (I gave them money until I had nothing left and lost my apartment, job, and income), homelessness, and death threats. When I started getting home from a safe house program, they told me that Gabriela might be a man who conned me, not two people I had been talking to (an actor and a woman who was an actor's friend). I also learned my lesson not to give people I met online and to stay away from people who abuse me online. I got rid of "Gabriela" and fixed my life. I got a new apartment and a different job since then. I was unable to get that original job back because the employer did not want me back after months of sleeping at work and receiving threatening emails from Gabriela. I know that I would had have this job longer if I did not spend hours chatting with "Gabriela" until 2 am in the morning and slept for four hours before I got up for work. It was a very hard life.

    Gabriela claimed that she had stage 4 cancer and she could die anytime soon. She also claimed that the actor and his family would sue me if she dies after I cut her off. The supposed actor I "talked to was very angry with me.n He "confronted" me for hurting his BFF "Gabriela" and he would reject me if I did not stick with "Gabriela." It would be years before I knew the term love bombing even though I heard the terms sociopaths and NPD. I was aware of sociopaths, psychopaths, and NPD the same ways as general population or normal people do. Social workers and people I contacted at that time knew more than I did. That's how it was for me.

    My online relationship with Gabriela ended badly because she told me that the actor will discown and reject me forever if I did not "let her help me" by making me move to Canada with them without my ID and allowing them to cut me off my safety nets and people I knew. I showed their threats to workers of a safe house program who told me to contact authorities if I hear her again, and if I notice a car hitting me. They left me alone when I stopped logging into to my old Yahoo account and created a new one.

    I did not contact Gabriela for more than 8 years and am glad. Sorry you had that destructive catfish who knew your identity and turned 4 people against you. I'm sure she turned more against you until somebody realizes she's an abuser herself. I hope it will happen sooner than later.

    1. Thanks for your comment anon. Yes sociopaths will tell you a lot too soon, in order to force closeness and will use "mirroring", "I am just like you" and in this case there was so many same experiences, I fell for it. I guess for once I had hoped I met someone who could understand some of the things I had gone through which made me blind to some of the red flags.

      I have met good friends online but there is a lot of predators out there. Some may even not screw with you for money though there are plenty of those, but just for the thrill I guess. It's too bad you met someone like Gabriela. It sounds like she used the lie of knowing the actor, as some sort of bait on you. Many people would think yes the actor knows fan club and other people.

      So sorry you went through this for two years of misery. Yes love bombing, mirroring, devaluing, and emotional and mental abuse is horrible. So sorry you too got taken in for money and they used false stories to get you to feel sorry for them and to help. Yes ending up homeless and with death threats too, fearing violence is very scary stuff. It could have been two people working in tandem against you including a man.

      In my case, I had gotten rid of a spiritual abuser just after I went NC, this was a false online friend, who told me I needed "deliverance" to be free from my endless health problems. I had argued with her and told her to back off, but stayed in contact far too long. She was kind of an advanced "project" friend rather then a catfisher but some of these things definitely applied.

      I am glad you got rid of "Gabriela" and fixed your life. It had to be very hard to get out of homelessness and get a new job. Yes I think of the wasted hours and time too. I need to change somethings about my life, I am realizing where I need more IRL interaction and activities and direction, but its been difficult with all the being housebound and health problems. I made up a calendar of activities to go too, hoping Feb and March would be more mild, but only made it out twice once to this art event where a painter my husband interviewed talked to us a little bit and one to a soup kitchen dinner we go to monthly at this friendly Lutheran church. I was frustrated yesterday even because it was too cold to go to a community disability meeting. Ever since I moved here 9 years ago, I became more socially isolated outside of my husband. I think disabled people can be vulnerable to these type of abusers too. For those of us with no family probably even doubly so.

      That is very interesting to me that Gabriela claimed she could die any time soon to you. In my case the person dealing with me told me they were far far sicker then me. [Which by the way is a lot since I am in pretty bad shape]. Some of the medical things did not add up like telling me extreme illnesses that seemed outside the scope of reality if that makes sense. This was one of the things that told me I was being conned. I have studied the Merck manual and know the ins and outs of sepsis and severe infections from personal experiences, I felt like I was being hoodwinked.

    2. Threatening you with suings sucks too. They use our human feelings against us. I felt sorry and worried for my "friend", and it's like I was just tossed away like yesterday's trash. Sorry you brought in a man to yell at you claiming to be the actor. When two narcs or sociopaths tag team you that is worse.

      Many people don't realize the truth about sociopaths, many only learned about sociopaths and narcs a few years ago, and then in my case it got me to NC from my narcs. So I understand most people, never hear warnings about these type of people and simply do not know. I used to think I was "safe" because I had no money for people to rip off, in my case, but there's plenty to rip you off in other ways and enjoy just emotionally harming people. It reminds me of that false book agent who never got a dime from me.

      Its great you had some aware social workers to help you. I plan to find a therapist soon to talk about things with who can understand Aspies and will not find the idea of catfishers or emotionally abuse people too distant from their realities.

      I need to learn to listen to the intuition FASTER, that told me, "This person is claiming to be too much like you to be real","these medical stories do not make sense, and "these other happenings seem untrue as well." I need to confront faster and not sit back even while having those niggling feelings.

      She must have started to know I was seeing through her, which meant the freeze-out and false politeness but then I ended things completely and on purpose.

      That is scary "Gabriela" wanted you to go to Canada! I think of things like human trafficking. You definitely would be in trouble then. Even the spiritually abusive person online, someone different kept talking about us coming to live with her but I have a life rule as an adult to always have my own place and be independent living and depending on no one [outside of a husband] even if that means a rented room. When you "live" with someone even if means you save money it means they run the show. As a disabled person if our income sunk low enough, I would get an disabled apartment in a rural town with openings before leaving myself open that way. I have avoided even getting a roommate to save money in here because things are getting so scary now, who can you trust? A roommate could screw you over big time if you don't know them. I am sure some people end up chained in someone's basement. This world is that crazy.

      Its also good you got some help from a social work organization and away from these people. It sounds like they believed you and that is important. Social workers and professionals need to know the game some of these evil people are playing. I noticed there are scammers and other wicked people.

      I am glad you did not contact her ever again. She could be running scams even now, getting people to give her money using false friendships. In my case, this wasn't a money thing, just someone I think who enjoys taking chips out of people's souls. If people believe what she says about me, they can have it.

      I am tired of liars. I do think people are turning more wicked. We were warned of this in the Bible. I still am reeling from some wicked lies, I confronted head on even regarding my deceased aunt. People have gone so low.

      I am glad you escaped. I worry that some people never do and these types do succeed in hurting them or something else.

      I am going to be far more careful from now on. I am sick of sociopaths. There are a lot of them out there. They say 4 percent of the population is, but I'd put it a bit higher with the game players and other evil people I have seen.

  3. You are exactly right Peep, especially in your reply to a comment about avoiding the vulnerable position of being dependent on someone else. That's precisely the situation evil people maneuver to entrap others... then the fangs come out.

    In the one year I lived with my MN sister she did more damage than both the sociopathic boss that completely destroyed my health by his bullying and growing up the scapegoat of my MN dad. I would rather live under a bridge somewhere than ever put myself in that position again.

    It is wise to be wary of people, especially in these times. If people are offended or don't understand, oh well. Far too many of them aren't just naive, but they really don't want to know the truth. The other ones who feign righteous indignation know full well their own predatory intent.

    I'm sure you already know this truth, but it's a good reminder when we feel too judgmental for being suspicious or wary of others' intent.

    "But Jesus did not commit Himself unto them, because He knew all men, and needed not that any should testify of man: for He knew what was in man." (John 2:24-25)

    "Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves. But beware of men..." (Matt 10:16-17a)

    I'm praying that God encourage and strengthen you, and show you whatever He wants you to know in the situation with your family and the death of your aunt. I've also been praying for your brother, that he would not ignore this one last opportunity to see and hold on to the truth.


    1. Thanks AW, it is true the evil people want others dependent on them and them the hammer falls. My aunt's dependency via illness and then being left alone via divorce--a divorce my Ngrandmother orchestrated by telling her over and over, "your husband is a loser" blah blah, made her completely dependent. We know the narcissists sabotage for complete failure. There was no way my aunt was going to develop a good or stable job at the nursing home my Ngrandmother worked at. I am seeing new ones in the family set up for utter failure now like the late 20s and 30 cousins who have never left home.

      Some of them act sweet and kind and then the fangs come out. Sometimes its not financial help, it can be like this platonic catfishing case, one where someone seemed to offer comfort and mutual dealing with adverse circumstances but for a set up.

      I took even the ghetto streets, and rented rooms, the bus and living in the dregs of severe poverty over living with my NM [it was never offered anyhow] because I knew I would die if I went to live with my parents again.

      So yes I feel for you having to live with your sister. They will utterly destroy our lives. My mother even threw every time she helped me years ago in front of my face, during that notorious family email of 2012, and it told me the true nature of that "help".

      The way the system is set up, it gives the narcissists more power, as now the oppressive money and job system, does nothing but weed out the good people and reward the most wicked. [there are some decent rich people but this is how it works in general]

      Yes sociopathic bosses, ACONs are more vulnerable to them. We don't know how to deal and if we are abused at work, we have no family to offer a place to land, or comfort and the sociopaths of the world know it. I believe many ACONs face abuse at work, I did.

      When I went NC, I knew I could end up under the bridge so yes I understand. One thing very wicked people will invite people to live with them and hurt them. One deceased friend of mine had a bout of homelessness where she had a false friend invite her for a place to stay and they stole her disability check while locking her in. Severely obese people in this world can be among the most abused especially if they are poor. I know some people do not understand why I am the way I am, but many of those who have lived comfortably in the crucible of the middle class, never could figure it out. They see frugality as solving poverty, it doesn't. The poverty gets bad enough you see the streets or you are living in a rented room with the mice. But yes I would rather be at the mercy of the social workers and shelter system then ever be dependent on a narcissist.

      Thank you for that verse, it will help me. Both I and my husband have felt oppressed lately. I thought wow, Jesus said "Beware of men", that says it all doesn't it?

      I think many don't want to know the truth and the ones who abuse us with their feigned righteous indignation yes know exactly what they are doing.

      Thanks for understanding me here. I feared appearing too suspicious, but it's true, this world is definitely getting more dangerous and with more predatory people. We have to remember those warnings about how the world will hate us too and the warnings of division.

      Thanks for your prayers and ones for my brothers. I have prayed a long time he would wake up. I told him this is the time to make a decision. Dependency in his case too served for her to keep control.

      Thanks for your kind post. God bless you.