The Life and Times of a 500 Pound Woman.
I would wear out many calculators adding up the times I would come to and find my self spilling my guts to my mother. I mean, why not? If you can't trust your mother who can you trust? Am I right?
I believe there is some psychological phenomenon where these types of personalities can get people to spill their guts. I suspect this but can't explain it but have felt the pull on myself. I was a weird kid thought, I kept that one journal hidden literally for YEARS. :0 but yeah even I would would spill my guts to her and tell her my problems giving her more ammo and WHY?????? Yeah one is told to trust their mother. It's insane how long it took me to wake up that she was stabbing in the back worse then even a junior high school Slam Book enemy.
I think it's instinctual. I read about a snake that lays coiled up floating in water waiting to eat these water bugs. So they filmed them strike in slow motion and their tail whips around in a certain way that drives the bugs toward their mouth. They suspected as much but until they filmed them and slowed it down you couldn't see it.
LOL nature is at it again.....well we know they operate like snakes.
My brother and his girlfriend read my diary in front of me. He was 17 at the time, gee, I think that is an age of accountability. I think he is one of the biggest freaks I ever met. That is my living brother. Mother wouldn't keep my secrets, and she made me believe she would have if I didn't do, such and such a thing, thus it was my fault.
Sorry he invaded your privacy that way. I kept my 5 year old journal hidden with the drawings but when I tried to keep a journal or diary my mother would find them and read them. She would get angry and yell at me for writing bad things in them like "My mother does not love me" instead of working on the problem. I had two friend betrayed me too when I was living with roommates with two friends and one non-friend and they went into my bedroom closet and read one of my diaries, we had a giant fight. One of those guys I believe to be a narc today. It's horrible that is major crossing of boundaries.
Dear Peeps, i seriously believe you are right about people who somehow get others to (overly) confide, for the sole purpose to further devalue them. My experience with narcish people is minimal, but that experience is more than enough to remain very guarded around people. Grayrocking about 24/7 gets tiresome.
The would be catfisher used having the same problems [some rare and unique] to get in the door, got me to confide majorly--her information was equal and even over the top compared to mine but most likely was made up meant to "mirror" me. I knew someone had cleaned out my brain when she suddenly "dropped me" in a fake polite way. I went from being one of her best friends on earth to being nothing and ignored. [Discard and devalue] It can be one of those most devastating things, maybe worse in a way then the narcs who don't care to even get to know us and never know us? It does keep one guarded with people. I get tired of all the gray-rocking too. It is tiring and you just feel like a stranger to everyone. I miss who I was in my 30s sometimes when I was far more open with people. There was some risk but I wasn't getting burned as much as I have in the past 10 years.
I used to confide to people who worked against me because I was hoping that they would care. I remember many conversations with some narcs who chose to deny me of scholarships, financial aids, a job, an internship opportunity, an apartment, or helped narc roommates who complained about me. They did not care so I used to cry to those who cared. Some people like my coaches, godfather, or advocates were able to convince coworkers, colleagues, or supervisors of narcs to give me resources I sought. Several narcs ended up losing their jobs or being moved to a different office where they did not deal with public or would make decisions.I used to confide with my adopted narc mother because I thought she cared. When it became apparent that she was gleeful or happy when people worked against me, I stopped confiding to her and asking other adults for help. I think I noticed her gleefulness since my freshmen year in high school; furthermore, I spent less time at home, joined varsity sports year round, and applied for admissions to colleges without consulting with my adopted mother. She received surprise phone calls and mails from admissions officers because I did not tell her that I applied to several colleges.When I started college, I noticed some adults are not trustworthy. I'm sorry you noticed their gleefulness and jollies at your expense when you were younger, and your narc parents have ammos to use against you over the years. Yes, narc parents and adult narcs are worse than bullies in your high school and junior high school days.
I did the same thing anon, confiding in people hoping they would care. I had to wake up and realize how this world really works. Even with the family I am done with, I know none care and even the "nicer" ones did not want to be closer or anything like that. I was wasting time and energy. I was too open too and naïve expecting others to want to be open and close too being so Aspie I didn't realize how the world really worked as a competitive cesspool. I remember being disappointed that the world was more like my parents then like me. Yes I was denied things too and it would have been better to keep my mouth shut. Outside this blog, my informal code, is the less they know the better off I am. To survive as a poor or disabled person, I learned the hard way to be vulnerable is to be kicked in the face far too many times. I know even abuse children will try to cry to those they think will care or even teens. I never cried to teachers but did so to family friend and church youth group leaders. I was always told to be "better" and my narc parents were defended. I was told all parents punish or hit their children and told to be forgiving of them and their frustrations. When I did tell one teacher, "my parents do not love me" I was punished. I did notice even as an adult, if I complained about being poor, or having severe health problems, I was seen as the "problem" and at fault. I hide what I can now out in society there is no other choice. The medical stuff for me is harder because a lot "shows". I am glad you found some who cared. A few relatives like Aunt Scapegoat acted like they cared when I was younger but threw me under the bus later and submitted to the narcs. They did not defend me or stand up for me ever even if in private they admitted I was abused.One of my closest friends in life who is now deceased, we had this intense conversation where she told me this world is a cold place, and we cannot make people care about us. I told her this is true. I never confided much in my mother but made the mistake of telling her of illness once or twice as an adult and other problems. It was all a mistake and everything was used against me of course now I realize how much she worked against me to block me from social connections, other opportunities and ruined my reputation within the family where there is no hope of reclaiming any real connections. I made the mistake of "trying to get close" a few times and it was all in great error thinking if I was loving and caring she may be come more so likewise. My mother was against my career goals and me going to college and had to fight for every bit. I wish I had gotten away further young. I am glad you did not tell yours where you were applying to school. Yes they are worse then bullies in high school and junior high. Bullies don't live with you as a child digging up all the dirt and turning on you while playing innocent to others.