This happened to me.
To understand this article in context make sure you read: Aunt Confused.
One insidious way a scapegoat is destroyed by a narcissist is their mental health is maligned. This will be another heavy post as this is something I am pondering lately. Many of these soul murderers will actually do things meant to drive someone to insanity and then they can play "rescuer" swoop in or use someone's break down or mental health problems to feed. They want you weakened and want you under their control. When someone is seen as "crazy", the rest of the world automatically devalues you. The entire family will then reject the scapegoat and take nothing they say seriously. You are the "crazy" and "bad" one. You are "insane."
Many scapegoats have gone through this, where one very horrible thing our abusers do, is tell people we are crazy so they do not believe us or disregard what we have to say about the abuse we are going through. There are many scapegoats and abused people who end up in the mental hospital. Some get ill from the abuse and are driven to severe mental health problems and suicide via the attempted soul murder done to them. While others are maligned and are deemed "mentally ill" by sociopaths and narcissistic abusers who want to destroy their reputations, fire-bomb their lives and even send them into involuntary commitment situations.
In the past, when someone could end up in the mental hospital for years, put away Frances Farmer style, this would destroy an entire life. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest Nightmares out of the pits of hell would break bodies, souls and minds. Don't think for a minute that the instigators of Satan's destruction didn't have people handed over to memory destroyers via shock treatments or being drugged into oblivion. The psychological world has helped many via counseling and even medication for chemical brain problems but there is a lot not to be trusted either. There are some great evils that have been instigated via the psychological world.
Keep in mind, even what happened to the Kennedy's daughter--Rosemary, the one who got a lobotomy and literally had her mind, body and brain destroyed by her wicked parents. When I read this story about Rosemary in People magazine, I burst out in tears. I was horrified. Those who have powerful and connected narcissistic parents are that much more in danger because those parents have the connections to doctors, judges, and lawyers that can readily ruin and destroy a life. Some are part of "good ole boy" networks, and corruption as well. Many of the sociopathic elite "successful" often have a scapegoat or "sacrifice" in the mix. Reading this article about Rosemary's mother hounding her about her weight even after having her brain cut up via doctors at her parent's orders, screams narcissists!
Rosemary, definitely showed signs of cognitive problems which left her more as prey to the narcissists. Even with my Aunt Scapegoat, her learning disabilities and deficients left her as more vulnerable prey to a narcissist family. I had a high enough IQ to take refuge in books and go "inward" and "fight back". She did not. There definitely was the fat hatred and abuse too in Rosemary's case. There was whole taint of "You'll make the whole family look bad!" when it came to Rosemary's weight. Everyone knows the story of how both Kennedy parents were concerned that she was getting boyfriends, too and one thinks there too, they feared a scandal and wanted to "protect" their "good name".
This is Narcissism 101 garbage, when one considers an evil woman that would complain about the weight of her ruined shell of a daughter who can no longer walk and talk because of a lobotomy. Those cold dead eyes in the picture above sums everything up. This is nausea inducing. That is a narcissist and a sociopath rolled up into one. What a vile family. They give her a lobotomy to "control her" and the mother doesn't even visit her for 20 years.
"She and husband Joseph Kennedy were so obsessed with daughter Rosemary's weight they told her boarding schools she was 'getting too fat'
- Rosemary would apologize in letters home about the pounds she'd gained
- She underwent a lobotomy in 1941 when she was 23 years old and was left unable to speak or walk properly after the botched procedure
- Her mom was known to call the Catholic institution for the disabled where Rosemary lived as an adult to ask about her daughter's weight
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The article goes on to explain Rosemary's reaction to seeing her mother. It makes sense. After all something inside her had to know what they had done to her, and what she had lost.
"At the sight of her mother, Rosemary, who was being escorted by two nuns, broke into a sprint and lunged at the elderly woman, beating her chest and screaming at her."
I have read stories on message boards of narcissistic parents trying to claim their adult children's guardianship even upon entry into the hospital for non-mental conditions like ulcerative colitis or other disorders. When someone has guardianship over you, this means they control all finances and medical and other decisions. They control where you live and your day to day life. In most states, it takes a court proceeding for someone to claim guardianship over another.
ACONs need to protect themselves. I have protection where my husband would be making the decisions if I was incapacitated but those ACONs who are single and even people in my boat need to make medical power of attorney papers. Make sure you will never end up in the clutches of your narcissistic family should something God forbid happen to your spouse. It can be tough for a scapegoat to find someone they can trust, and this can feel like too great a burden for friends, but we must do what we can to protect ourselves. You do not want the sociopaths sharing your DNA or supposedly sharing it, being the ones who decide to pull the plug or allowing emergency surgery or not.
I highly suspect my mother got guardianship over my Aunt Scapegoat. She let it slip that she was responsible for all her financial decisions. They didn't realize being disabled like I am, I know the ins and outs of Advanced Directives and other matters. I knew these things from a friend who had to claim medical power of attorney over a mother with severe dementia. Those who direct someone's money usually have named someone as incompetent and unable to handle their own affairs.
My golden child sister tried to deny it, and the jig was up. I also realized my mother played the Aunt Scapegoat is "crazy" game. Today I don't know what to believe and question much of what I was told. There were too many discrepancies. I was told Aunt Scapegoat was mentally ill enough to be hoarding and that she was hoarding her own waste even, but then I came to this, "How on earth was someone that mentally ill able to drive herself to dialysis 12 miles each way, three times a week". Aunt Denial told me she did drugs and stole from them. But how much is truth or lies? Would someone storing their own poop in a bag and pee in a jars all over their trailer, be responsible enough to keep track of their dialysis days? I don't think so. It made no sense. Things didn't add up, and as I thought things out, I knew I was being lied to. Where the stories about hoarding and the rest, what she used to get her guardianship? I don't know but I do know I don't trust any of them.
My mother has played the "You're Crazy" game on me and she has labeled me mentally ill to the rest of the family to the point, they have devalued anything I had to say for years. Being an Aspie this was easier for her to do. While my Aspergers went undiagnosed and unnamed, she used aspects of it to label me insane. She did to me what was done to my aunt, just in a different way. I had the IQ to fight back, and realize something was wrong. Sometimes I am in horror, that if I had believed them on what they had to say about me, that I would have become an utterly destroyed person like my Aunt Scapegoat. She told my father I was "crazy" and every other relative.
Some memories have come back to me and things I haven't thought about in years. One of those things was how they tried to drive me crazy with all the gas lighting and tried to push me into severe mental illness and threatened me with commitment. One thing I had going for me, is I got good grades and I was very quiet in school, and today I believe if those two things were not true, both parents could have railroaded me into the institution of their choice. I would have been destroyed and quite easily too. Perhaps fear of what I would say about them and their abuse, kept them from dragging me to the nearest psych ward, but one aspect of my abuse was being threatened with commitment. These threats peaked as I entered my early teens.
In 1982-83, my father had my Aunt Confused committed once and it could have been twice. He did an involuntary commitment on her. He made a big to do of getting her put in the psych ward and she was there far longer then today's 72 hour watches. He spoke to her with disdain, yelled at her, and told her to shut up. There were whispers of court, paperwork and "getting her help". From my angle, she did abuse pills, and was "hyper" and seemed to be afraid a lot, talking about the mafia coming after her. Since my father's family was from New Jersey, maybe the mafia talk wasn't a delusion. She still seemed afraid to the day I went no contact with her. She was relieved when I went no contact with her to be honest. She always took my phone calls with severe hesitation. She saw me as a "trouble-maker" and "rebel" who was upsetting the apple cart far too much. I hadn't seen her or my father's side of the family since 1997 but she was still in continuous contact with my mother.
I got the message loud and clear she lived with this fear of being "put away" all her life. Even last year, when I still talked to her, it seemed her adult son seemed to have a heavy decision making whether she could go on a trip or not and even over her bank account. I asked her, if her son had guardianship over her and she would not respond but something funny seemed to be going on. I lived too far away so didn't pursue the matter with her. Realizing there are two relatives with some kind of guardianship funny business going on definitely forms a pattern.
In the 80s, she seemed to keep to herself in her trailer, eating hamburgers and reading tabloids so whatever else she was up to along with the drugs, I may have not been privy to. Even though she was supposedly "insane", they dropped me and my brother off all the time to visit with her.
Like Aunt Scapegoat, Aunt Confused was trashed to me night and day. "She is crazy!". They would scream at me that I was just like her every time they got mad at me and tell me they were going to do the papers on me to commit me. They were going to put me in the same hospital and see if I liked it. "They'll put you in the rubber room with your aunt!" They especially focused on me "turning out like her" and "You two are just alike!" Part of me today thinks I could have been better off if the doctors weren't on my parents side automatically but obviously I was scared to death. My mother would sneer, "We can put you away!" One time I went with my father to visit my Aunt Confused in the big stone walled psych ward and hospital in our town, she came down in a bathrobe to the meeting area but didn't have much to say. She was just quiet. She was cowed. She did not fight my father and did everything he said, and the same applied later with her own grown son.
Around that time I was 13, and 14 years old, and the constant litany of comparisons with my aunt never let up, "You are crazy like Aunt Confused!""You are going to turn out like her.". "We will put you away in the same place and you can join her!" This was daily not just once in a while at that time. There were times I was scared I was going to go mad, and they helped push this along. This degree of emotional abuse on a young teen was beyond the pale. They would gaslight me. I became petrified of losing my mind as they told me over and over I was crazy and mentally ill and there was no hope for me and my future. I was a young Aspie and told my problems of unpopularity were all my fault. I "kept my nose in books" way too much too. The me of today wonders if they were trying to drive me to total insanity so they could "put me" away. If I had been born 20-30 years earlier, they definitely would have succeeded.
My reading choices of the time, reflect some of what I was undergoing. "Will There Ever Be a Morning?" was one favorite book of mine when Frances Farmer gets put into the psych ward by her controlling mother. I read "I never Promised You a Rose Garden" petrified that I would go mad like the girl in the book but remembering thinking at the time, "But you are not having hallucinations like she is." At time, I wanted to know if I really was crazy like they said I was.
My untreated PTSD already was giving me problems I did not understand. Back then I didn't know what PTSD or C-PTSD even was, I would learn at the age of 18 buying a book on panic disorders, OCD and anxiety problems, but at that point I did not know. I was scared because I was having feelings of depersonalization. Depersonalization can come with anxiety disorders. I still remember the first time that happened and being scared to death that I was cracking up, but kept my mouth shut knowing the monsters around me would use it for my destruction.
One time it happened to me while sitting at the bathroom at the age of 10, the feeling of unrealness and not being me. I would stay lucid and not miss time or anything like that so no one else would know what was happening to me, even if the feeling came over me in a crowded classroom but it scared me for years. I didn't know what was happening to me. I fortunately escaped having or the effects of personality disorders or Dissociative Identity Disorder [DID], but my anxiety problems brought me trouble at a very early age. Why wouldn't I be troubled being so severely emotionally abused and where I could be hit out of the blue at a seconds notice?
As a young adult, I struggled with anxiety and panic disorder and was diagnosed with PTSD by multiple therapists. My work life was severely affected by panic attacks and anxiety. I would hide it but it took a strong physical toll. There was a lot of time crying in bathrooms and getting myself "together" so no one would know how much I was suffering. Many female Aspies suffer from anxiety and other related problems. I was someone who needed solace, comfort and loving support and did not get it. What is great about the last couple years is I actually have had some recovery from my anxiety disorders. As I have written before going no contact cut it down almost immediately by 80%. My last actual panic attack--I can still feel anxiety with COPD breathing problems--was two and half years ago. What else happened that long ago? I went no contact.
There was such sheer hatred shown for anyone with mental health problems. Of course if they hated me that much why not just hand me over to be a ward of the state? No they enjoyed the game and the torture. Mentally ill people were just weak to them. No one got any mercy.
Often gaslighting will take the form for scapegoats in telling a scapegoat they are crazy and denying reality to their face. Some ACONs may even feel like reality itself will crack as the lying never lets up and they are told that what they saw, heard and felt was not real. I was told over and over that what I saw and heard was not real and I was wrong about everything. I have realized my sociopathic mother is doing it now, in her birthday cards, trying to claim she is innocent as the driven snow. She has gotten the other stupid people around her to believe, that I am the problem and that my emotions and "rejection" of her has arisen out of a vacuum and that my "mental illness" is the reason why I have gone no contact. It pisses me off, to see her write that garbage, "You choose to believe things about me that are not true." She told my brother, "I don't know what she is so mad about". Everything is about rewriting reality. Learning about gaslighting is definitely a door that opens up wide for a ACON and exposes the evil. Today I see through her garbage but I remember the years and years of being taught to question my own mind, emotions and thoughts. ACONs have to train themselves to listen to their own mind and emotions.
Lately I have contemplated the affect of having my emotions and personhood denied for my whole life. I am facing a big struggle lately that has to do with a lifelong effect of this. I am so upset facing it and how I was so destroyed in the eyes of others. The emotions are almost indescribable. Unlike some ACONs who struggle with an identity, I have one, but it feels like I live in a world that seeks to obliterate it and me. I have faced facts I was a severely physically disabled woman who got not an ounce of sympathy or empathy by a bunch of creeps, and also I was a thoughtful artistic Aspie, who was around a bunch of Neanderthals, no that is too insulting to Neanderthals.
I believe some of the narcissists succeed in destroying people's minds because they teach them to doubt their own reality. I held on to my own reality with a hard grip as they tried to take it away from me. There was once a therapist said something strange to me, she told me, "You have a core of steel". I don't think she meant that I was hard or cold. She meant that inside I had developed a fortress. I remember developing this fortress at a very young age and this may astound some of you but I remember being only ten years old and thinking, "I will not let them in my mind, and they cannot have it." Sometimes I think Aspergers protected me from cracking up, Aspies live in their mind. I turned inward to survive. Some therapists actually would tell me the fortress was a problem. One yelled at me, "You have built up this wall, and no one can get over it!" I said, "The wall is there for a reason." This wall saved me even when I faced some severe spiritual abuse. When I get brave enough I may write about this sometime and how disabled people get abused in the Christian world just for being disabled, without naming names. In the fortress, I was saying, "You know she's full of crap", don't you?"
I joked once to a friend that the Stasi, could put me under the light bulb, and smack me around and I would not break. This may be the reason I got hired to work with teen sociopaths, rapists and drug dealers. They knew I would not break and yes I had co-workers who did. If two narcissists who told me none of my feelings were valid for years and years and that I was wrong about everything who called me crazy almost every waking day of my childhood life, couldn't do it, how could they? My own body has done such bad things to me even torture would be a run of the mill occurrence. Emotional torture was a given. My panic attacks were relegated to times of relative safety, after the fact.
One time I went to my mother when I was fifteen, and was depressed. I told her I was so depressed I felt like dying. I didn't have any suicide plans or anything like that but was crying and despondent. I was an unpopular teenager with no friends and feelings of understandable depression. She told me, "If you want to go commit suicide, go ahead and do it then!" What kind of mother is that? And how many of these types drive their more vulnerable children to suicide? Other ACONs have attested to the same messages given their teenage angst or depression. I walked away and kept my mouth shut. No feelings were to be shared among those who had none. ACONs basically have no family, we live with these people who hate us, and have no interest in really knowing us.
The abuse where they told me I was "crazy" really got bad during my teenage years. I know they turned other people against me from family friends to extended relatives, sometimes even expressing false concern when they were busy wearing a mask. This never let up. I know these messages continued behind the scenes even during my years as an art teacher and residential counselor and then later when I lived in my last rural town. I went to enough therapists to learn what my actual state of mental health was, so I could get the professional opinion about it all. This helped rescue me. Whatever mental illness I had was the result of severe emotional and other abuse at the hands of the sociopaths. Aspergers is a neurological condition not a mental illness. It was always funny how my mother when angry would tell me to go see a counselor when she obviously has never darkened the doorstep of a counselor's office.
Malignant narcissists and sociopaths are dangerous to our mental health. Going no contact is imperative even in protecting our own minds. One reason I had to go no contact, is my physical health was being destroyed and I was almost ending up in the hospital just from dealing with them. They do break people. I see two very broken people they managed to destroy. If they don't morally destroy someone with their poison, they will emotionally and mentally destroy someone. If someone ask me if I loved my mother, I would say no. I cannot love someone who tried to destroy me on every level.
These morally insane people do try to destroy people by calling them crazy and even threatening children and teens with commitments and more. They also set scapegoats and others up more for the predators leaving them unsure of themselves. I believe many poisonous narcissistic mothers and fathers lie about their children and manipulate the "professionals" to label them and put them in programs, some die from being put in Wilderness programs and others are tortured by the system in "Scared Straight" programs. I find myself wondering how many of the Scared Straight kids were abused and beaten at home.
This continues into adulthood was well, where sadly many scapegoats have earned the life-long title of the "crazy" one. This happened to me. The entire family sees me as a nutter. Even the ones I am very low contact with treat me like I am radioactive. I don't have much hope for those contacts either. And can see the day coming where I have no contact with anyone in the family. The narcissists hamstring you then because when you fight back and stand up for yourself, then you are already considered nuts, so your angry and hurt words are just seen as the "mental case" ranting and raving. I was told by the flying monkeys and others I was a "negative" person. I was told by family members my poverty and illness were the result of my bad attitude. We spend so much time just trying to get some of them to validate us. I wasted years trying to do this. It doesn't go anywhere because they have this view of you in your mind that the narcissists gave them. They successfully make us look crazy.
There's literally been decades where the malignant narcissists have told them, you are off your rocker and "the problem". I ponder for myself too now the nastiness said about other people from my brother's ex wife, to the two mentally broken aunts and others my mother decided were the "enemy". She used the technique effectively that they were all "crazy" too and got dozens of people to sign on. My brother may not be divorced today even if my mother had not sought to destroy his ex-wife at any cost. He never defended her and I believe that is the core besides some of his other bad behaviors why the marriage failed. My mother has this way of making herself appearing as the "reasonable" one, she has the money and the practicality to solve problems and they all buy into her mask.
I realize this is one reason, Aunt Denial and cousins and even my own sister kept their children away from me or limited their contact. It didn't matter I had spent years working with children and very troubled young people with endless security and background checks but they all believed my mother and kept their children away. My relationship ended with my sister the day I realized she was keeping her children away from me on purpose. They deem you even too "unstable" to have anything to do with their children. You may be a bad "influence". Or Whoops you may let a few family secrets slip.......
I have learned to avoid people who play the "you're crazy" games. I cut them off immediately. The ex-friend, who did not believe me about a narcissist abusing me in my support group, actually tried to tell me I had gone "crazy" from my high blood sugars. What happened with that fake friend was a huge devastation. I had someone just like my mother in the room. I knew the friendship was over at that point. Once someone disrespects you and tells you that you are "crazy" and they are busy rewriting reality instead of listening with empathy and respect, that is someone you need to get away from. That includes people you are related to. Someone who calls you crazy with the spirit of ripping you to shreds, does not love you.
This narcissistic society operates the same way our parents did, telling anyone who questions the status quo, they are crazy. This is a way to devalue people and silence them. That was the goal of our narcissistic parents. We are not the crazy ones, they are.