Thursday, October 8, 2015

Narcissists Will Never Say They Are Sorry


"MO the secret doesn't lie in forgiveness, it lies in ACCEPTANCE. Accept your narcs for who and what they are and while you're at it accept they will never change, then RUN LIKE HELL!

I went through that process realizing what she is and was, and knowing there would never be a change, the empty shell would never be replaced by a person capable of empathy.

It occurred to me years ago, I never have heard the phrase "I am sorry" from either parent. My mother especially is incapable of the phrase. My mother sees me in such a low way, that she wouldn't even dare fake an apology. Two and half years in and it's not going to happen. The attitude "I didn't do nothing" will exist for eternity. It will be what marches her right into the gates of hell. I have prayed to God for His justice and actually a direct prayer, "Lord, tell her and show her what she did to me." and I believe this will be done.  In her mind, she is perfect and I am wrong and sadly she has convinced others of this.

Some narcissists will do fake apologies. Watch out for those too. One thing you will notice when it comes to narcissists, and I have noticed it with the false friends, is they never apologize or try to make amends. They and their flying monkeys will tell you to "move on" and that you are holding grudges. Nothing is to be discussed, it's always to be shoved under the carpet. That's what they want. Often cowards in the face of narcissists and sociopaths are far more upset about any boat rocking by a victim speaking out then the abuse in the first place. Once I had my brother tell me, "Why can't you just let the past go?" and I said to him, "But the abuse is very now and present, it is continuing, it is not in the PAST". He had no response to this. I realized he cared far more about keeping the narcissists happy then me happy.

My new rule for life is to stay away from people who are incapable of making amends or who never apologize and consider themselves always right. I am realizing this is going to be a big change for me in terms of who I choose to associate myself with.

Mulderfan's father sounds so much like my mother it was scary to read:

"We would like to know what we have done to offend you and then we can rectify our misdeeds. I'm sure they're not serious offenses".

My mother would simply say "It didn't happen" or would write weird convoluted phrases, like "You choose to believe things about me that are not true". 

I know now the person who let a 5 year "friendship" die in a puff of smoke was never a friend of mine as she had no loyalty and let a narcissist steam roller me. I think of myself begging her to see what was going on and how she simply refused.  She never could admit she was wrong about anything either. Sad to say, I wondered if she had spoken with my mother, she sounded so much like her. Yelling at me for "not forgiving" my family during that last day. I wish I had said, "How do you forgive people who never say they are sorry?". You can't. Real forgiveness does not exist with no repentance. People who have no interest in making amends or working things out and who discard and devalue as soon as you question, criticize or stand up against abuse are people to be avoided.

How do you forgive those who never apologize and never make amends. You got two choices, sit there and continue to take their abuse, or get up and walk away. People who never let the phrase "I am sorry." are to be avoided like the plague. You can't have a real relationship with them. They are too busy wearing the mask of "perfection".


  1. I'm starting to forget how horrible it was to be in the shadow of mother. Someone always was on her hate list and everyone tried to get out of being on her hate list, and they only way they could do that was to join in with the hate of others.

    I like that word "acceptance". To me that is wonderful to hear because it is more truth. I just accept that she is like that. I can never be in her shadow again, for it only means being hated or listening to the hatred.

    Or else you are considered "arguing with her." And no flying monkey wants that. Gee back down that twisted life of a narcissist.

    1. Yes I was in the shadow too. Even now she obliterated me in the eyes of others, she was their focus while I was invisible. I agree about being told to join the hate fests. I think some do in my family to avoid being the target themselves but they are cowards. Agree about accepting the hard cold truth about them.

  2. But she never wanted to be sorry. She could be sorry then you were "making her do it against her will". Then comes the terrible victim and plays that role so well. Consummate actress, an agent from hollywood would have seen it she would have gotten many roles. Joan Crawford would dream to be like her. lol

    She can apologize in such a saintly manner. I would take her to see Dr. Phil, but she would have him for lunch. Then he would turn on me. Then she would hypnotize him to walk straight into an oncoming car.

    My mother was illiterate, with no education. That's how she does it I think. And it screwed me over.

    1. Mine never has apologized and never will. Of course everyone kneels before her and ignores me. Mine plays martyr as well, Some fall for that "strong" act where the narcs and sociopaths never cry but the dummies on the outside see it as "strength" instead of the hard cold fact they have no emotions and don't care. I see Dr. Phil fooled by endless lines of narcs and sociopaths. I quit watching his show unable to bear it anymore.

  3. Hello, I read your blog and I think it is good. Your perspective is so different that I have learned a lot. You have provided a lot of research jumping off points. I have not had experiences of this kind, or so i though, so it has been an eye opener. At this point i recognize my own grandmother in your words, I had never had a label, she was just evil, but only to me. Thank you for your posts, i look forward to them.
    I am also a fat woman and once a fat activist and I find your words on the Fat acceptance movement spot on.

    1. Thanks anon, welcome to the blog. I am glad my blog helped warn you about your grandmother, and explains what went on. Thanks for your compliments on my posts. Glad to meet someone else who knows the real deal with the fat acceptance movement.