Thursday, September 6, 2012

Looking for Happiness Despite the Weight

I saw this over on Dr. Sharma's website

Are Happy and Fat People Delusional?

"As one would expect, the show prompted a deluge of comments on the CTV website with a wide range of opinions both in support and against the positions that a) it is possible to be fat and healthy, b) anyone who is motivated enough can control their weight, c) fat people who are fine with their size are delusional and a burden on society, d) someone needs to step in and help them see the light for their own good."

Well people know I have issues with the size acceptance crowd that expects one to shove their reality under a carpet but that said, I do think one should seek happiness in this life, and get to the conclusion of trying to solve the problems they can, hand the rest over to God and leave it that. Yes I have struggled with depression and heartache in this life, but one part of recovery, healing etc, is taking a re-look at what is really important and it impacts this issue.

Then there is the diet industrial complex which will beat down a fat person's mind and heart as they do the by the numbers trudge with false hope and false answers. They have brought the world into false views of obesity saying it is a chosen state to be in, which if anyone thought this out they would realize that is totally insane. Why does dieting and depression and feelings of low self esteem go hand in hand? Even being this fat, I do not think life should be a march of nothing but drudge. I know on this particular blog due to the subject matter I am more serious, but in life, why not focus on seeking the happy and good things too?

I had to face facts, that a thin me was never going to happen, and now have tried to balance out the outcomes of knowing this fat problem in my case is not going to be fixable. This doesn't mean give up, I know I must maintain and do what I can, but it also doesn't mean putting life off for some dream day.

I lived longer getting some of the weight off, but cannot drop the food any further to lose safely. Those who have more regular metabolisms who can drop down the calories and see improvement and "change their lifestyles" to increase some exercise and fix the quotient, perhaps have a bit of "control". But there is a point where a person reaches, where they say, "you know, I have done what I can, and well, I have to accept that and the outcomes". In other words "Let the chips fall where they may". Which may be an odd attitude that may anger some people who thinks a 500lb person should starve, beat themselves into the ground etc to be thin, but I am the one living this life and have to see what I can handle.

They offer to many fat people a dream on a platter that for many of us doesn't come true. Sure some changes for some people may help, treatment for any binge eating disorders that may exist, changes to diet, the lifestyle tweaks, but for many who are fat, it just doesn't work. And that is what I will tell the people who tell me I have full control or have chosen this. They come live with me for awhile and see the digestive and allergy pains and the extreme thought that has to come into every meal and then judge for themselves. The problem is for most fat people, they will remain burdened under judgments they do not deserve. This is why I use this blog to get some truth out there to open a few brains, instead of believing everything they hear from the diet industrial complex funded media.

But here I see the two choices that are non-choices, change they see as an automatic choice which eludes upwards of 90% of people and the other choice that fat is automatically healthy, its not. I know health and happiness go hand in hand, and yes it it is easier to be happier while having good health. But what if you are sick or have been chronically ill for over 20 years, a category I now fit in? I had to learn to find happiness outside of the normal range, I still wanted to live my life and do things and find what happiness that laid out there. I had my friends, hobbies and other things I have committed myself too. I have my religious faith too.

I think a lot of fat people aren't happy because

1. They are told to be unhappy and shamed on a consistent basis. There are no role models of fat and happy, especially for supersized women. The "happiness" advertised by size acceptance, where they expect a person to deny their reality especially for us extremely large folks is no answer too. Happiness is to be based on reality, not false cult like smiles to "fit in" or to please your oppressors.

2. They are told to wait for the day they are THIN, which for many of us is a day that never comes or for some who manage the yo-yo dieting thing, comes only in short bursts and is not consistent. Many put off real life for the day when they will be thin. I know I have faced my own mortality so often, it's either now or never.

3. They are told they are in full control of everything. This seriously is an American cultural problem which actually sets people up for false expectations and disappointments instead of forming resiliancy and being happy in the face of severe odds. This too is one reason why we have a society that blames fat people instead of changes to our food, and much more changing the entire environment making for more severe obesity.

4. False consumerist and other standards are unloaded on people as a whole without stop now. Where while people in the old days found many other sources of happiness and social connection outside of bodily norms and "fitting in", now its all about looks and conformity. Where does true happiness lie in a society that only cares more and more about how much you measure up, and not really much else about love, compassion and connections? There isn't much of it left, the numbers the bean counters judge us all by, are a form of control.

Can a fat person be happy? Well many face severe health problems in this life and manage to find sources of meaning in their life. The other day when I was sick, I wanted to get better to do a visit with a close friend of mine, to make cards with another friend, I wanted to go out to the park, hey if you know you are missing out from illness you know you have a life of some sort. I prayed to get better.

The thing that makes people happiest, is letting go of the false standards, and looking towards what really is important. Who are the people demanding everyone be a perfect size? Whose the one setting the standards for the one who diets the best? What will this all mean in 500 years?

I wrote once in a poem in the end "we all end up as skeletons"...think about that for a minute. There are no fat people in the grave.

I was able to find some happiness in life even though I am one of the fattest people on this earth and my body is a source of a lot of suffering, I still look for the good things in life. That said, happiness shouldn't be a litmus test either, if people are unhappy some may have reasons to be so, as well as the problems of clinical depression and more. Those who face unhappiness shouldn't be judged either, yes I am talking to you size acceptance activists! But then understand what this world demands and asks people to do and be, doesn't mean the instant happiness they promise. That is a trap of it's own.

I find promise and hope from God. I reject this world's standards which have trapped so many, and have decided to look for my own answers. I believe it's one reason I am still alive.

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